Monday, December 29, 2008

Happier Holidays

Christmas was crazy and wonderful all rolled into one! Brandon and I had so much fun with my Dad's family on Christmas Eve. Everyone loved him, and he was quite the social butterfly! Jenna says she can see why I like him, and that he's "totally my type".
Which each day that goes by, all I can think about is how perfect he is! Well, perfect for me that is. ((sigh)) I just...love him!
New Year's Eve is only a day away, and I think I might tell him how I feel. I have to work New Year's Eve, and Brandon was supposed to too, but he got taken off the schedule because we had too many bartenders signed up to work, and he lost on account of seniority. But he's still gonna be there with me, and I'm still gonna get my kiss at midnight, so I'm not worried. He promised me he wasn't going to drink too much. He's pretty bummed that he's not getting to work. It's gonna be a really good money night, as always. 
Then, after New Year's Eve, it'll be time to start thinking about Sophie's wedding! I can't wait! It's gonna be so much fun! Brandon and I are driving up to New Orleans together on Thursday, and I'm gonna be staying till the following Tuesday. Brandon is going to fly home Sunday night, and Taryn from work is gonna be flying in Saturday night. So Taryn and I are gonna party it up for a few nights after Brandon leaves. It's definitely gonna be a crazy week. But crazy in a good way I hope!
I'm still not really sure where Brandon and I are staying though, or where Oliver is going to fit into the picture. My mom said something about a hotel that allows dogs with a $50 deposit, but I haven't heard anything from her since. And I doubt my parents are going to condone us staying in the same room. But we might anyways. Ha! We'll see...
Well, Bethany and I are about to go catch a late movie, so I gotta go! I hope everyone has a safe and happy New Year!!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Being Sick Is Boring

Alright, being sick for 3 days and sitting on the couch doing nothing has finally worn on me. I'm so bored!!! And I'm not sleepy enough to go to bed! Grrrrr... At least I'm feeling better though. I was supposed to work tonight, but I got my shift covered yesterday, just in case. I finally went to the grocery store today. My fridge was practically empty, but now it's pretty well-stocked. ((sigh))

So today I got a great surprise from Izzie. She's pregnant!!! I mean she's told me before that she was having baby mania, but her husband wasn't ready to start a family so I didn't think they'd be getting pregnant anytime soon, but...I guess they changed their minds! And I'm so happy for them. Because, unlike Cecilia and Rob, Izzie and Derek are a little more prepared to have a baby. Especially relationship-wise. 
It's so strange that all my friends are starting families and stuff... I feel so behind! I mean everyone I is either in a serious relationship, married, or pregnant! At least I have Brandon. I mean, I'm catching up, right? Lol. But seriously, at this point, I can really see myself with him...indefinitely. Even my mom keeps asking me if I'm falling in love with him. But it's too soon to say it. And no, I'm not playing games. Not at all. This is not something I'm going to take lightly, and that's why I haven't told him. Because I want to be sure, without a shadow of a doubt, that he is someone I can really trust, and someone that I really love. I mean with Daniel...I rushed everything and look how that turned out! So I'm not going to tell him I love him, until he says it first.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve! Well, technically it's today, but I don't count it as tomorrow until I've gone to sleep for the night. I can't believe it's Christmas already! I can't wait to spend the next 2 days with Brandon and my family, opening presents, watching the 24-hour marathon of A Christmas Story, eating, drinking, and being merry! ((sigh)) I can't wait to give everyone their presents. Evan and I exchanged gifts yesterday. I got him a "Vandelay Industries" t-shirt, since we're both big Seinfeld fans, and he got me a digital photoframe keychain. I got Brandon a new wallet (since he lost his), 2 t-shirts, and a hat. Not as cool as a Playstation 3, but hey...I wasn't supposed to be getting him anything for Christmas! 
I have nothing to wear tomorrow night. Hmmm... I guess I'm gonna have to make one more shopping trip tomorrow. Ugh...
Well, I'm back to my TV show.

Merry Christmas Everybody!!

Sunday, December 21, 2008

The Whole Package, Just In Time For Christmas

Wow, that last post was my 200th! Woohoo!
So I can't believe it's almost Christmas already! I finally finished all my shopping yesterday, and I just wrapped the last 2 presents this morning. I wrapped all my presents in purple and silver. They look really pretty! ((sigh)) I'm so relieved to be done with shopping. No more battling traffic or driving around for hours looking for parking. Ugh...
It's nice to be able to just sit back and relax and not have to worry about anything. Not to mention I'm sick, again! Every time the weather changes, which is like...every other day in Houston. So I plan on spending the whole day on my couch, in my PJ's, wrapped up in blankets with a cup of hot tea, and plenty of movies. Sounds nice, huh???

So on Christmas Eve, Brandon and I are driving down to my parents house to go to church, and then we're all going to my aunt's house for our annual Christmas Eve lasagna dinner. We're Italian, what can I say?? It's the first family function that I'm bringing Brandon to. He's a little nervous, but I told him not to worry, because the last guy I brought to Christmas Eve Lasagna was The Psycho, and everyone hated him. So he'll practically be wearing a halo in comparison. Lol. And I'm really glad he's coming. We haven't been able to spend as much time together lately because he's a procrastinator, and just started his Christmas shopping, and he's been busy "running errands" the past week.
We kind of got into it the other day cuz he keeps "warning me", that starting in January, he's not gonna have as much time to hang out with me, because he's gonna start training for his golf tournament. And I know that golf is really important to him, and he wants to go pro and all this stuff, but he acts like I'm going to keep him from that or something. And I keep telling him that I understand, and I'm glad he has goals, and I'm supportive of his goals, etc... But sometimes he can just be so...incorrigible! And it's like he argues just for the sake of arguing! So we argued about that. Actually, it was more like a debate. Because he wasn't mad at me, and I wasn't mad at him, I was just frustrated, ya know? Because he kept trying to drive home this point that he had already made! I mean, hello!? Preaching to the choir here! ((sigh!))
He apologized to me later that day. He said it was his fault, and he was the one that started it all, and sometimes he can just be stubborn. Duh! But of course I told him not to worry about it. He's impossible to stay mad at. You know, always taking responsibility for his actions and sincerely apologizing. ;)
It's nice.
And he always tells me how lucky he is to have me, and that I'm special. :) It makes me smile just thinking about it. He stayed here the last 2 nights, but I did have to spend 3 lonely, cold nights alone this week. And I don't think he's staying here tonight either. Last night at work, he worked security, and I was bartending, of course, and apparently there was a swarm of girls following him around all night. Lol. Have I mentioned how hot my boyfriend is?? Cuz he's super effing hot. ((sigh))

Speaking of super effing hot, I saw The Model again on Friday. He was with Mitchell of course. They came up and ordered a couple drinks, and Mitchell opened a tab. I said hi to them but it was different for me this time. Seeing The Model, all I could think about was how he'd turned into this arrogant, selfish, douche. And how sad it is that he's not the person he used to be. Mitchell came back up to the bar twice, but I didn't see The Model again. Meh... Oh well. Maybe, just maybe, I'm really over him for good this time. Now that I have a super sexy, wonderful boyfriend who's made me realize you can have the whole package. You just have to be patient, and wait for the right guy to come along.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Playing Catch Up

So, there are a couple things I forgot to mention over the last couple weeks and I should probably jot them down quickly, just in case they are of any later importance.

1. The Model texted me over Thanksgiving asking if I was working. I didn't respond. I did, however, run into him a couple days later when I was out with Bethany. Our exchange was not initiated by me, and I made sure to keep it brief. Go me!

2. This past Saturday I went down to Galveston for a motorcycle rally with Alyssa and her boyfriend Russ. And I rode with John. Brandon was totally cool with it, of course, and I asked him before I agreed to go. John kind of just called me out of the blue, and asked if I wanted to ride with him. I told him I needed to check with Brandon first, just so the boundaries were clear, and he said that was fine. So Brandon was all for it and told me to have fun, so I went! And I did. It was only slightly awkward. Hehe.

3. I still have not seen Daniel, even once, since we broke up. And this past Saturday (same day as the motorcycle rally) was Russ's birthday. Alyssa set up a birthday dinner for him, and I told her that Brandon and I would both be there. And in the back of my mind, I knew that Daniel would be there. But we ended up not going because I got home so late from the rally, and Brandon had completely forgotten about the dinner, and neither of us were really prepared to go. Plus we both had to work, so we just chilled at home.
Confrontation avoided.

I think that's about it for playing catch up. Ummm...in other news, I've been really worried lately about my job, and my finances, and my lack of medical insurance. ((sigh)) I definitely need to go to the dentist, for one. I'm starting to get a toothache, which is not normal for me. Cuz I have good teeth! So I'm worried I might have a cavity or something, and I don't wanna end up with a root canal! I mean that's definitely worst case scenario, but still.... I'm paranoid. And the other thing is, Brandon's been talking lately about his job, and his 401k, and it's just made me realize that I'm so behind! I don't have a 401k! I can't even go to the freakin' dentist! I'm not set up for life at all! I need a job. A real job with paid vacation, and benefits, and opportunities. But I still have no clue what I wanna do, or what I have to offer. And it really sucks.
At least my relationship is going well. Brandon is really great. When we got in that fight last week, he was just so apologetic, and sincere.... And I mean, he definitely has his flaws, but unlike all the other guys, he takes responsibility for his mistakes! He doesn't try to get away with anything. He's honest. He admits when he's wrong, and then he immediately tries to correct his mistakes. And I just love that about him.
Question: Sometimes he calls me "My Love" and I'm not really sure how to interpret that... Any ideas?
He's never told me he loves me, except once when he was wasted. And he made sure to include "as a person" at the end of it. Lol.
But I think I do love him. In fact I know I do. At least, I'm starting to. I'm not trying to rush things though, so I wanna make sure before I tell him. And it would be nice if he said it first.
I just can't get enough of him. He's so...wonderful. I mean, I feel like I've won the boyfriend lottery!
Well, I'm about to pass out. My bed is calling...

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

"Normal" Is Pretty Great

The next day Brandon apologized profusely after I told him what had happened. He said he thought it was his sister putting lipgloss on him, and that he pretty much had no idea what was going on; he was on "autopilot", as he put it. He also told me he's lucky to have me and that I have nothing to worry about as far as those other girls are concerned. And he assured me that it would never happen again. Of course I did tell him that if I ever see that blond bitch again, I will not show her the courtesy of being nice.
And then I gave him shit about for the rest of the day, but it was mostly just playful teasing, and I promised I wouldn't bring it up again after one day of berating him. Haha.
So things are back to normal again, and I'm actually glad for that. Because these days, "normal" is pretty great.
Saturday was pretty much awful since I had to get up early and go to work after the miserable night I'd had Friday. But the good part was that I was off by 5, and Brandon had spent the better part of his day sitting at my bar. Turns out he lost his wallet the night before. Ha! Karma's a bitch, ain't it? Lol.
So Saturday night, I went with Brandon to his dad's house to watch the De La Hoya/Pacman boxing match. It was brutal, btw. It was the first time I'd ever met his dad and his fiance, and I was a little nervous. But everything went well, other than the boxing match. Lol. We were planning on going out afterwards, but by the time we got back to my place, it was already 1am and we were both spent. So we stopped at CVS, picked up some ice cream and settled ourselves on my couch for the night. It was wonderful. :)
On Sunday, I didn't have to work until 7, so Brandon and I spent most of the day together, but unfortunately, he wasn't going to be able to spend the night again. I was doomed to a night alone in my bed, shivering. He always keeps me so warm at night! I call him my personal space heater. I guilted him about it just a little, but he had laundry and cleaning to do, and these days he doesn't get to spend a lot of nights in his own bed, so I let it go.
Work was incredibly long and boring, and I was planning on just going home and watching It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia till I fell asleep afterwards. But when I got home and walked into my bedroom, I turned on the lights and was startled to find Brandon fast asleep in my bed. :)
I was so surprised, and so happy at the same time, and I just thought...I love him.
He had been so adamant about staying at his place, because he had a lot of stuff to do, and he didn't wanna have to drive all the way back, and he needed his rest, etc... But there he was! In my bed. ((sigh)) And in that moment, nothing could have made me happier.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Nobody's Perfect

This weekend I opened both Friday and Saturday, so I had my nights off to go out and do as I pleased! Well on Friday, Brandon and I went out with his sister, Summer, and her boyfriend, Dave. We hit a couple of bars and we were having a really good time.
I stopped drinking around 12:30 because I had to work Saturday at 10am, and I knew I was gonna have to drive both Brandon and myself home. Well, Summer's boyfriend, Dave, likes to go shot happy a lot! So he kept buying us all rounds of shots. I kept setting mine on the bar, or handing them out to random people, but Brandon kept drinking. So he was pretty drunk by the time we got to the shot bar, which ended up being our last stop.
When we got there, Brandon ran into a couple of girls that he and his sister knew growing up: a blond and a brunette. The brunette seemed cool enough, but the blond was totally giving me bitch vibes. And I'm not the type to get all catty on girls. Most girls just don't like me. I dunno if it's cuz I'm confident and sarcastic, or if it's cuz they're intimidated by me, or jealous, but girls who don't know me, usually just hate me right off the bat. It sucks. And this was one of those girls. So I was just ignoring her and talking to some friends. But then I turn around and I see her putting lipgloss on my boyfriend and giggling! I immediately grabbed him by the arm and swung him around to face me. He had a blank, drunk look on his face that pretty much said he had no idea what was going on.
"Hey babe! Want some lip gloss??" He slurred as he wiped some of it onto my lips.
I wiped it off right away with the back of my hand.
"No. And will you stop flirting with other girls and close your tab so we can go?" I said irritably.
"I'm just waiting for my credit card." He said.
So I sighed and resolutely turned around.
I asked the bartender to give me his tab, but he told me that Brandon had already closed out. So I turned to walk back over to Brandon, and what do I see but him slapping the brunette's ass! She was standing up on a podium, and her butt was about at eye level with him.
But that was it for me. I was soooo fucking pissed. Without saying a word, I stormed out of the bar and walked over to my bar to close my tab over there.
Bethany was working and she could tell I was upset. I told her what happened and why I had left. "Well what did you say to that stupid blond??" She asked.
"Nothing! I just told him to stop flirting with other girls."
"You should have said something to her. I would have!"
"Well, it's too late now. Whatever... When he sobers up tomorrow, we're definitely having a talk about this." I said.
Bethany empathized with me, and then I headed back over to the shot bar to see if Brandon was ready to go. I almost left him there, I was so mad, but I didn't want him driving in the state he was in, so I went back.
He was still there with his sister when I got there. The 2 sluts were gone.
"Hey Beautiful!" He said when he saw me.
"Are you ready?" I asked impatiently."Yea, let's go." He said, and he took my hand and started leading me outside.
As soon as we were out the door I stopped.
"By the way, I'm really pissed off at you right now." I said.
"What?!" He immediately went from blissfully drunk, to pissed and belligerent.
I brushed passed him and continued walking to the car, assuming he was behind me, but when I turned around, he was gone!
I ran back inside and asked around if he anyone had seen him come back in. No one had. So I went out to the parking lot where his truck was park, just in time to see him driving away!
I freaked out and ran after him. Turns out he was just moving his car to a more remote area of the parking lot so that he could take a leak.
"You can't drive." I said to him as he unzipped, "And you can't leave your car there either. You'll get towed."
"I don't care! You wanna be mad at me for no reason? Fine. Don't worry about me." He rambled on...
I sighed.
"Fine. I'll move it for you." I snatched his keys out of his pocket and got in his truck. I moved it to a parking spot where I knew it would be safe for the night. When I got out of the truck, he was gone. Again!
So I called him.
"Where are you??" I asked frantically when he picked up.
"I'm walking home." He said.
"You can't walk home. You live like an hour away! Just come back to the bar and I'll drive you."
"No! I'm not coming all the way back there!"
The conversation went on like this for quite some time and I was getting nowhere. Now I was just standing outside, in the cold, almost in tears.
That was when Tom walked up. Tom is a mutual friend and coworker, who just happens to be one of Brandon's good friends, and he's a really nice guy.
"Peyton? What's wrong??" He asked as soon as he saw me.
I just shrugged and the tears started coming. Tom hurried over to me.
"What happened??" He asked again.
I hung up the phone."It's Brandon... I don't know where he is. He's drunk and he took off on me and he said he's walking home."
"What!? He can't walk home, he'll never make it all the way out there!"
"I know!" I said, "But that's what he said."
"I'll go find him. Don't worry. Just wait here." He said, and he got in his car and drove off.
I sat on the curb and put my head on my knees.
How could this be happening?? I thought.
It seemed like forever till they came back. Brandon was passed out in the passenger seat of Tom's car.
"He was on the side of the highway!" Tom said, "I don't even know how he made it that far."
He woke him up and practically put him inside my car.
"Where are my keys? I can drive!" He said.
"No way dude." Tom said. "No way you're driving. Your truck will be fine here. You can get it tomorrow."
"Thanks Tom." I said, "I owe you one."
"Don't worry about it." He said.
And we drove off.
We sat in silence for a couple minutes, then finally I couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Don't you wanna know why I'm mad??" I asked.
He mumbled something unintelligible.
"Look. If you wanna go out and have a good time and act like you're single, that's fine. But you don't need to have a girlfriend if you're gonna do that. Because I will not be made a fool of, and I will not be disrespected like that."
"What are you talking about?" He asked.
"Uhhh, I'm talking about you smacking girls' asses and letting them put lipgloss on you." I stated.
"Fine. I'm a horrible boyfriend. You can leave me if you want."
"Shut up. You're not gonna play the guilt card on me. That's not going to work. Look, I know that you're wasted, and I'm probably not gonna get anywhere with this tonight, but I just wanna say what's on my mind right now while I'm still feeling this way. Because what you did really hurt my feelings."
He didn't respond to that, but when we got to my apartment he tried to walk the opposite direction.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"To my truck." He said.
I almost laughed. "Your truck isn't here, remember? You're staying with me."
"Oh." He said.
When we got inside he immediately went to the couch.
"I'll just sleep here tonight, since you hate me." He said.
"No, you won't. You're coming to bed. Come on."
I grabbed him by both his arms, and though he put up a good fight, I finally dragged him into the bedroom. He got in bed and almost immediately passed out. I took his jeans and his t-shirt off him and then got ready for bed myself.
Once I finally got in bed, I just wanted to cry. I took Oliver out of his cage and snuggled with him for a little bit till I felt better.
Then I rolled over and looked at the boy laying next to me. He looked so beautiful, so innocent and vulnerable, and so peaceful. And so easily he hurt me. ((Sigh))
I guess every relationship has it's downs and it's flaws. I mean, I can't expect perfection out of him.

Friday, December 5, 2008

You Know What I Love?

The other day I was wasting time on myspace and I ended up on Brandon's page, wondering if he'd changed his status. So I scrolled down, and noticed that it still said single. But it didn't bother me at all! He probably either hadn't gotten around to it, or wasn't sure if I wanted him to change it or not. I mean, mine still said single too.
So you know what I did?
I went to my page, and changed my status to "in a relationship". And I didn't give it another thought!
A couple days later, I noticed he changed his too.
And we never had to have that stupid myspace relationship argument. Daniel totally freaked about it when I changed my status for him! What a jerk...
I love being in a drama-free relationship. It's so refreshing!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Dinner For Two!

Well my Thanksgiving was anything but relaxing! Hours of driving, getting up early every morning, running around all day... ((Whew!)) Now that I think about it, no wonder I've been so exhausted since I got back! But it was great seeing my family, and Sophie and Brent, and Brent's family. But it's also good to be home. I really missed my alone time! And I really missed Brandon too, of course. It's hard to sleep without him.
My apartment is a total disaster! There's nothing worse than coming home from vacation to a messy apartment! And I've hardly had any time to clean either. But that's what I plan on doing all day tomorrow since I have the day off.
Yesterday, I went to the golf course with Brandon and some of our coworkers. They played in a tournament; I rode around in the golf cart. Haha. It was also the coldest day of the year, and I now have a cold! I can't stop sneezing! But the tournament was fun! We mostly just drank and smoked doobies. Lol. But Brandon is very serious about his golf, and he played well. It was cool to finally watch him.
Tomorrow I'm planning to cook him dinner for the first time, you know as soon as I get my apartment clean. But I'm thinking salmon, with some steamed broccoli and dinner rolls. I need to think of something good for dessert too. Oh, and I'm gonna make some hot buttered rum! Mmmm...I just hope we made some money at work tonight so I can afford to buy all this stuff!
So needless to say, things with Brandon are still going great! It's still very solid. He calls me "babe", and "sweetheart", and I finally went over to his place! His house is really nice, and his bed is wayyy more comfortable than mine! Lol, but it's like almost an hour away! Ugh... So I dunno how often I'm gonna make that drive. Anyways, I think I'm gonna hit the hay. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Friday, November 28, 2008

Happy Turkey Day!

So here I am in New Orleans! Thanksgiving dinner was amazing, as always. Sophie and I ate so much today, we named our inner fat girls. Lol. This post is gonna be short cuz I'm just about to go to sleep. We're all going to Cafe Du Monde for breakfast tomorrow morning and I definitely wanna be awake for that!
I'm missing Brandon like crazy...his warm body next to mine, his kisses, his voice, his scent, his perfect smile... He's been calling and texting me a lot though so I know he misses me too. :) I just can't wait to see him! I mean I'm falling so hard for him it's scary. Or at least it should be scary, but it's not! For once, it's a welcome feeling. And you know why that is? Because I know that no matter how far, or how hard I fall, Brandon will still be there to catch me when I reach the bottom. ((Sigh))

Monday, November 24, 2008

I Just Can't Get Over It

There are wonderful guys out there!
Don't give up!!

Haha, I don't mean to rub it in or anything, it's just...I'm so happy! And things are so...simple!
There's no drama.
No second-guessing myself.
No second-guessing how he feels about me.
No worries!

This weekend I went to the Renaissance Festival again with my Mom to get my dress for Sophie's wedding. I found the perfect dress, but it was like $450!! I bought it anyways. Lol. It's a shimmery black/burgundy corset with burgundy fleurs and a long burgundy chemise. It's really pretty! I can't wait to wear it! I invited Brandon to come with me to the wedding too, and he said he would. So tonight I put both of our names in the request off book for that weekend. :)

So almost everyone at work knows about us now, but there are a few people who still don't know. But now, I don't care who knows! I have an amazing boyfriend, and I'm happy to tell people!

Tonight is the first night in a really long time that Brandon isn't staying with me. He's starting his new position at the engineering firm tomorrow, so he wanted to make sure he got lots of sleep. I'm so proud of him! Of all the guys I've ever been with, he's the hardest worker. I mean he's a real go-getter. He's good at making things happen.

Anyways, I'll stop bragging about him now, it's just that I can't get over how great he is! Every day is better than the last! And it's not just that everything seems perfect, it's that it's real. ((sigh))

I'm leaving for New Orleans on Wednesday for Thanksgiving. It's gonna be a long boring drive with my dad, and a long 5 nights without Brandon...
But, like they say, "absence makes the heart grow fonder"!
I hope everyone has a happy and safe Thanksgiving Holiday! I'll try to write again soon. Hopefully my next post will be more exciting!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008



Well, today I spent the entire day at MD Anderson with my mom. She has chemo every Monday, and she signed up to do this case study so...aside from the 3 hours of waiting, we spent a lot of time in different rooms talking to different people. But the good news is, the chemo appears to be working!! When her doctor gave her a breast exam today he said he can tell that the lump is significantly smaller! And that's really saying something considering there's only a 7% chance of chemotherapy doing it's job. And my Mom is one of the 7%!!
I'm so relieved. I mean last week at work, I literally had a breakdown. It was the day after my parents got home from their cruise, and the first time I'd seen my mom since she lost all her hair. I was supposed have off that day, but I got called in, and I was just having a bad day you know? And then work was awful, and at the end of the night, I was talking to one of my coworkers about it, his name is Adam, and he just hugged me and told me that everything happens for a reason, and just... He was really really sweet. And I actually shed a few tears. ((Sigh))
But I'm past all that now, things are looking up! It was just kind of like I experienced the shock all over again. Ya know?

So anyways, the other good news is that Brandon and I are doing wonderful! He's so sweet, and considerate, and affectionate... It's like I'm getting back a whole year's worth of hugs, kisses and hand holds! :)
He spends then night almost every night. He calls me sweetheart, and baby. And the other night, we had the most amazing sex ever! I mean...almost every position; we went for hours! It was awesome.
On Saturday, we went to the Renaissance Festival with my parents. It was his first time meeting them, and my mom told me today that he's the best guy I've ever brought home! She really likes him. :) And so do I. ((sigh)) I'm really falling for him. Fast. Too fast! I'm almost afraid. I mean you can never be too careful.
His birthday is this Wednesday and I have no idea what to get him. Anybody have any ideas?? I want it to be something personal, but it can't be too much, ya know cuz we haven't been together that long. So I'm having a really hard time thinking of something. The only thing I know he really likes is golf. He doesn't watch TV, he doesn't buy CDs, he doesn't really have time for that many hobbies...
So yea, I need ideas. And I need them fast!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Falling Fast

Tuesday night, after a miserable 8 straight days of working, Brandon and I were laying in bed, discussing the movie we had just watched, Changeling. SUPER good btw, omg. Jolie was amazing, and the story was amazing...it was just awesome!
So anyways, we're talking and I kind of just blurted out, "I can't believe you're still here!"
"What do you mean 'here'?" He asked.
"I dunno it's just...most guys would have run off by now." I said uncomfortably.
"Well I'm not like most guys." He stated.
"I know." I smiled, "But still...as soon as I start to get comfortable with someone, that's usually when they split."
"Well you don't have to worry about that. I'm gonna be here for a while."
"Yea, they all say that." I sighed.
"You gotta give me some credit! I wouldn't drive 25 minutes everyday, or miss work if I wasn't really into you."
"You can't blame me for missing work!" I interjected, "I told you to get up this morning, but you didn't want to!"
"Yea, that's the point. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay here. With you."
He stared at me so intensely that I started to blush.
"So...you never answered that question I asked you before." He said with a glint in his eye.
"What question?" I stalled.
"You know, about what you want out of this...?"
I sighed and pulled the covers up over my head.
"Well...I don't know! I mean, what do you expect from me? Do you not want me to see other people, do you-"
"Of course I don't!" He interrupted, momentarily scattering my thoughts.
"You don't?" I asked, genuinely surprised.
"Soo...you're not...seeing other people?" I said in a small voice.
"No, I'm not." He said, matter-of-factly.
"So, if I was, how would you feel about that?"
"If I heard you were seeing other people, I'd say, 'Ok now I know', and move on. I wouldn't talk to you anymore."
"Hmm." A light came on in my head, "So, let me get this straight: if you're not seeing other people, and I'm not seeing other people, wouldn't you call this situation a relationship?"
"Yea, I guess you would."
"Well then there's just one thing missing!"
"What's missing?" He asked.
"You don't know??" I teased.
"No..." He looked thoughtful.
"Do I need to spell it out for you?"
"Yea I guess!" He smiled.
"Y-O-U H-A-V-E T-O A-S-K..." I began to spell.
"I have to ask you to be my girlfriend?" He grinned, flashing his brilliantly white teeth.
"Yes, you do." I said with a smile.
"Ok," He blushed crimson, "Do you wanna be my girlfriend?" He asked.
"Sure." I said with a huge smile.
Then he pulled me in for a big kiss and he held me tight till we fell asleep.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

What I Like About You

So it turned out I was totally fretting over nothing the other night. Brandon called me literally an hour after I'd fallen asleep, at like 6am. He apologized profusely for not coming over; said he'd passed out at his friend's house. He was on his way to work when he called and then he asked me if he could come over after lunch. And of course, I told him sure!
So he came over around 2 and we both hopped into bed! We goofed off, I made fun of him for being so drunk the night before, we had some amazing sex, and then we just started talking.
And I mentioned something to him about how he never likes to give anything away. If I wanna know something, I have to ask him very directly.
"It's not that I'm afraid to talk about my feelings or anything I just don't...I dunno, I don't say much." He said.
"You don't say much??? Are you kidding me?!" I teased.
"Well I didn't mean it like that!" He said, and we both started laughing.
"Let me ask you something." He said, "What do you want from me?"
"Don't ask me that." I said.
I was so shocked that the conversation was heading in that direction, and that he was the one to bring it up! I mean normally, it's me who brings up the whole "what are we and where is this going" conversation, and it never bodes well. So I'd already decided to just leave it alone and wait things out. But here he was, asking me straight up what I wanted!
"Why can't I ask you that??" He asked.
"Well, what do you want from me?" I countered.
"Hey, I asked you first!"
"Yea, but if you're going to ask me something like that, you better be prepared to answer it yourself. So you go first." I said with a hint of finality.
"Ok..." He paused as if to consider the question. "Well, I really like you. I mean you're fun, and I think you're hot, and I dig your personality. I don't know why guys don't go after you.
"Unless they do!" He blurted, interrupting his own thoughts, "I mean, do you go out on dates?"
I sighed, "That's the problem with guys today. They don't ask girls out on dates anymore."
"Well I'd like to take you out on some dates. I mean honestly, I'm not trying to rush into anything but I'd like to see where this goes..." He smiled. "I'm not gonna hide my feelings from you anymore, ok?? The more time I spend with you, the more I'm drawn to you."
My heart was pounding so hard against my rib cage I was almost certain he'd hear it. I mean no guy has ever been so honest, and so sweet at the same time. I've never been so happy to hear that from someone, because I could just tell how much he meant it. Usually guys don't like to talk about commitments, or the future, or any of that stuff. But he doesn't shy away from it at all!
All I could do was smile at him and kiss him.
We had some more sex, and then we finally got out of bed. We goofed off in the shower together, and talked some more; about our past relationships, about what we want out of life, stuff like that. And it's like we've reached some new plane, where the unknown isn't scary, and we don't have to second guess our words or actions. I can confidently invite him over, and not have to worry about seeming too available. I can cuddle with him in bed without worrying about him thinking I'm too clingy. I can tell him what I'm thinking and how I feel, without being insecure, or sounding desperate.
It's just so...perfect.
He took me out to dinner last night, and then we rode to work together. And of course, he came home with me after work too.
I think, I may have landed myself in a relationship that may actually last.

The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love,
And be loved in return

Friday, November 7, 2008


Brandon was supposed to come over tonight. He even made me leave my key under the mat so he wouldn't have to wait for me to get off work. And then I came home and...he's not here.
I mean I saw him earlier, and he was drunk. At like 11:30! He came into my bar with a couple of his friends, and he almost gave our secret away! I mean he walked right up to me and put his arm around my waist! Lol. Oh well, nobody saw.
Anyways, he told me he was going out tonight. He was supposed to work tonight, but I guess they ended up not needing him so he got the night off and decided to go out. But at least he had a good time I guess.
I was just disappointed when I got home cuz I thought he'd be here! :/
Maybe he rode with his friends and they dropped him off at home. Well...hopefully he'll call me tomorrow. I mean I'm not gonna make a big deal out of it because I don't wanna push him away.
And yesterday, he actually told me he likes me! He doesn't really talk about his feelings much. I mean, he definitely shows me how he feels, but from what I know about guys, they all do. And then you think they really like you, but... You know the rest of the story.
So I'm just gonna sleep alone tonight, and hope I see him tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Guess What?!

He finally invited me over!
"So when are you gonna come see my ranch?"
Those were his exact words. I mean, he doesn't actually live on a ranch, but he lives in a house, with some property I think. Anyways, I've never been to his place before! He always comes to mine. So tomorrow, I'm going over to his place! Yay!! :)

I started painting my living room today! I got one coat done, but I gotta go buy another can of paint and do the next coat tomorrow. But so far it looks good! It's bright green. But I have all black furniture, with purple and green accents, so it looks awesome!
YAYYYY for this week!!

Monday, November 3, 2008

My New Favorite

Halloween weekend was insane! We made soooo much money both Friday and Saturday! Annnnnd, with all that money, I was finally able to buy a complete studio light kit for my camera!! I'm so excited!! And so is Bethany! Hehe. I'm gonna set it up in my feaux-dining room where my electric piano is now. Only now I'm gonna have to find a new place for the piano... Oh well. Everything should be here by the end of the week!
On Saturday night after work, I drove Brandon to his car and asked him if he was coming over or going home. He said he really wished he could stay over, but he had friend in from Lake Charles that he needed to entertain the next day. Then he kissed me goodbye and said he'd call me tomorrow.
So I headed over to Blinn's, where a few other coworkers were gathering for some late night action. We were all ready for a beer; after the daylight savings and doing inventory, it had been an extremely long night for us!
When I got there, everybody was just pulling up. A few of the door guys, including John, Blinn, and DJ.
We went upstairs and turned on some music, and John, who had already had a few beers, immediately started his usual routine of antagonistic flirting. Only this time, I wasn't humoring him.
He kept poking me, pushing me, etc., but I wasn't reciprocating at all. DJ and Blinn were out on the patio smoking cigs, so it was just me and the door guys inside. I hadn't been planning on staying for very long, so I hung out for a bit, had one drink, and then decided to leave.
Well apparently, John didn't want me to go, so he snatched my phone off the counter and refused to give it back to me.
"Come on, seriously?? I really need to go! I have a puppy at home who needs to be let out!" I insisted, but he just chuckled and put my phone in his pocket.
I sighed and tried to grab it out of his pocket when he wasn't looking, but he grabbed my arm and restrained me. I stopped fighting.
"I'm serious John! I'm not gonna play games with you, just give me my phone!"
"Why do you need it so bad?"
"Do I really have to answer that? Just give it back!"
"Let's see..." He pulled the phone out of his pocket and started pressing buttons.
"What are you doing?!" I lunged for my phone. I couldn't take the risk of him going through my phone. I mean, there were tons of incriminating text messages in there! And so far, absolutely no one has a clue about Brandon and I, and I intend to keep it that way! At least for now...
But John just seemed to be enjoying the fact that he'd finally gotten a rise out of me. I threatened to knee him in the groin, punch him in the throat, slap in him in the face...but he didn't care.
Finally Blinn came to my rescue.
"Come on you guys, you're gonna wake up [The Albanian], he's sleeping! John, just give her back her phone."
John sighed and reluctantly handed me my phone. I swatted him in the stomach with my keys as I stomped down the stairs.
When I got in my car, I sent him a text that said, "Well I certainly hope you found what you were looking for."
"Well I know what it is, but you didn't stay." He replied.
"What what is?? What are you talking about?" I demanded.
"Quit being coy."
"I'm not. You are one of the most frustrating people I know. You're so damn passive aggressive! I don't know what you were thinking was gonna happen, but I lost my patience with you a long time ago." I said.
"Why have you stayed in my bed twice and I've stayed in yours twice?" He asked.
"Fuck if I know! What kind of question is that!?" At this point, he'd almost completely lost me, and I was already at home in bed, so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The next morning I had a text from him that said, "I looked back at the sequence of messages and yeah, I don't know where I was going with that last question either. Peyton, I don't know what it is, but I think when I get a couple drinks in me, I just really love to argue with you. Even if it doesn't make sense apparently."
I am so over it. I wish he would stop.

So Sunday I went out to lunch/dinner with Bethany, and we had a nice long girl talk. Then we went to Ikea, again, cuz she needed to get some stuff, and I figured I could always use more picture frames. I really love Bethany! As much drama as she has, at least none of it involves me! Our friendship is really cut and dry and I love that. Cuz I know she'll always be there for me when I need her. :)
Anyways, I called Brandon on our way home and told him to come over and hang out. So he did. :)
We watched a couple episodes of Malcolm In The Middle and then got in bed. We talked for a while, and I tickled him a little (I love doing that! He's so ticklish!), and then we made out a little, and then we had sex a lot, and then we cuddled. :)
((sigh)) I seriously don't know how this all happened, but I'm so happy. I mean, I have yet to hear anything bad about him from anybody, he doesn't have any drama, and he's so nice to me! He's just an all around great guy. He had to get up at 5:30 in the morning to leave for work again though, which sucks. When he came over to give me a kiss goodbye, I pulled him in close and begged him to stay.
"Man, I really wish I could, believe me." He said, and kissed me again.
"Call me when you wake up." He said as he walked to the door.
"Ok." I smiled.
I laid there for a minute and then reached for my phone.
"You're kinda my new favorite :)" I wrote, and sent it to Brandon.
"Don't tell Olive Juice that." He said. (Olive Juice is his nickname for Oliver. Hehe.)
"He can share." I said.
"Yeah true that!!! :)" He wrote.
And then I fell asleep.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Good Morning!

Best. Morning. Ever!
Brandon spent the night.
Wild sex last night.
I woke up lying in his arms with him rubbing my back. Then he got out of bed and disappeared for a while. I was asleep though, so I had no idea how long he was gone. He went and picked up breakfast! Which he brought to me in bed. Then we had some more wild sex.
Then he had to go, cuz both of us had a lot of errands to run today. He kissed me goodbye, and it was so...boyfriend-like! I mean, not like an awkward peck on the lips, but a confident, passionate kiss. It was like a..."Bye Babe, see you later" kiss. And when he left, I sat there in bed just smiling because...I knew I was gonna see him later. :)
And it gets better.
When I finally emerged from my bedroom, my living room was spotless! Candles were lit on the coffee table, all the clutter and boxes were gone... He totally cleaned my apartment!! And, he stopped at Chic-Fil-A and got me a gallon of sweet tea - my favorite. I found that in my fridge like just now.
I sent him a thank you text as soon as I saw it, and he said it was "no big deal".
:) :) :)
And that's just today!!
Yesterday we spent the whole day together. We went to Ikea so I could get some more picture frames, then he took me out to a really nice Italian restaurant. We ate pasta and drank wine. Ahhh... Then we went back to my place and he helped me carry everything inside. ((sigh))
I'm so...I don't even know how I feel about this! I mean obviously I'm extremely happy! But I'm afraid to get too comfortable. Like with Daniel... I thought nothing could go wrong and then...everything went wrong and I totally got my heart broken.
So, I'm still trying to be cautious. And I really do like this guy. It's not just that I want a boyfriend, it's not just that I like the idea of having a guy around, it's just that I really do like him. A lot. More and more every day! I can't get enough of him!
((Sigh)) Ok enough gushing.
Today is Halloween. Bittersweet. On the one hand, costumes are a pain in the ass, and I don't get to party, but on the other hand, tonight should be really good money. And I'm already in a great mood since Brandon made my morning so awesome! And I finally got my costume today. Lol. I'm gonna be a fairy. I figured it'll go with my blue hair, and I have tons of glitter I can just put all over myself so...easy enough. I have to start getting ready in like 30 minutes.
Well, I hope everyone has a fun and safe Halloween!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Back In The Picture

On Sunday Brandon got in from Florida around 2am. And he came over!!
We had another deliciously wild night, complete with cuddling. :)
There's just something about the way he pulls me close and puts his arm around me... And he's so warm, and his skin is so soft, but his muscles are so hard, and it's just so damn sexy... ((drool))
Anyways, on Sunday during the day, I went with Bethany to a photoshoot for a website. It was so awesome! Obviously we didn't tell anyone there that I was a photographer, because we didn't want people to think I was trying to steal anyone's ideas. But it was good because I got to check out her equipment, and see how she uses it and stuff. So I now I have a much better idea of what kind of lighting I need, etc... And that's definitely the next big thing on my list of things I absolutely have to have! I can't wait to get lights and backdrops and start shooting again! It's gonna be awesome.
Oh, and Bethany is now the new face of a superchic vintage website. She looks totally fab.
Yesterday I went to Ikea and finally bought a stand for my ancient 2-ton television. With all the flat panels these days, it's become almost impossible to find an entertainment center that will support the weight of my TV! Lol. But I got a nice one with lots of storage for under $200!! My living room is finally starting to look like a living room! Now I just have to put up my DVD stands and paint. That's next on my list for this week. I need to pick up some special screws from the hardware store, and pick out the perfect shade of green.
Brandon came over again last night and helped me with my TV. :D
He was looking through my DVD collection, and he hasn't seen over half of them! But he doesn't watch a lot of TV, or so he claims. I, on the other hand, am a DVD collector. I never rent. Hehe. So my collection is huge.
I still haven't gotten, or even looked for a Halloween costume. Ugh. But I think I'm going to be Kelly from the "Shoes" video on youtube. Lol. Because I already have that shirt from the "Let Me Borrow That Top" video (Sophie got it for me for Christmas last year, lol) and I have some striped tights. So really all I need is a blond wig and some black framed glasses. Lol. And then I won't have to be slutty! HA!
I am, to my dismay, off again this Thursday. I don't know why they gave me the night off, cuz I need the money! So I'm desperately trying to pick up a shift. Brandon is working the whole weekend, so that should be interesting. It'll be our first time working together since...you know...
We both agreed we don't want things at work to be awkward, or weird, and we're not telling people either. The only person that knows is Bethany, and probably Tug, and Summer. But I don't even know if he's told Summer that we're sleeping together. Sooo, hopefully word doesn't get out.
I still wonder about John every once in a while... Why we can't even seem to get it right. Maybe he doesn't really like me that much. Maybe it's just sexual chemistry. Maybe it's just the whole "what if" scenario that's got me curious. I dunno. But I'm not that concerned about it anymore, I mean...what's the point? Things with Brandon and I are going great so far, we have lots of fun together, and he calls me almost every day. So I think this is a good thing. Only time will tell...

Friday, October 24, 2008

I Am...

I am...





























I Miss You

Dude...has anyone seen that new Beyonce video "If I Was A Boy"?? It's SO freakin' good! And I don't even like Beyonce! I mean really, every time she comes on the radio, I change the station! But that video is just so true...
Anyways, that was just a little tidbit that was on my mind.

So, it seems that I have the worst luck ever when it comes to dating. When I woke up this morning, I had a text from Brandon, explaining that all day yesterday, he thought it was Tuesday. Therefore he thought today was Wednesday, up until this morning that is. But since today was actually Thursday, he couldn't make our date, because he had to leave for Florida right after work. ((sigh))
I mean I knew he had a trip to Florida coming up. He's mentioned it a couple times, but I forgot about it. And I was really bummed that we couldn't go out tonight. I ended up staying home, watching my DVR and cleaning my apartment. I figured I may as well stay in and save some money. I have some stuff coming up in November and January that I'm gonna need to save money for so...yea. My night was lame.
And what sucks even more is all I've been doing is thinking about Brandon! I actually miss him! What is wrong with me?! I mean I was really hoping that after dinner he'd come over and hopefully spend the night. I really enjoyed cuddling with him. :)
G's I'm so pathetic. This is exactly how it always starts: with me setting myself up for disappointment. I shouldn't expect these things. You'd think I would have learned by now.
Well, at least he comes back Sunday, and I'm off that day, so maybe I'll get to see him. But I won't plan on it.

I talked to my mom on the phone today. She and my dad and a couple of their friends just hopped a cruise ship to Hawaii. It was their 25th wedding anniversary last month. So I won't be able to talk to my parents for 4 days till they get there. It's so weird, cuz I actually miss my mom! I mean not that I don't ever miss her, it's just that they just left! And it's not like I see her everyday anyways, so I dunno why I miss her so much now. I guess it's because I'm worried about her, and we talk on the phone at least every other day these days. Her birthday was on Tuesday. I got her a really sappy card and a charm for her bracelet; it was the awareness ribbon. She really liked it.
When I talked to her on the phone today she started crying. Her hair is just starting to fall out. They said it would after 18 days. And they gave her 2 doses of Taxol (chemo drugs) before she left, to make up for the week she's gonna have to miss, so she's been feeling a little sick. ((sigh)) It really just breaks my heart that my mom is going through all this. I tried to cheer her up on the phone. I've always been good at that. My mom thinks I'm the funniest person alive. Lol. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am pretty damn funny, but you know how moms are... So I told her to keep her spirits up and relax, and slap that wig on and have a good time. Haha.
I'm sure my parents will have fun. They never get to do fun, exciting stuff like this. And the timing couldn't be more perfect. It's exactly what my mom needs right now.

Well...I guess I'm gonna go read in bed till I fall asleep. Taryn and I are supposed to go shop for Halloween costumes tomorrow. Ugh...
Have I ever mentioned how much I hate Halloween???

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Go Ahead And Judge...

I had a long talk with Sophie about the Todd situation. She says that Todd has never really been a go-getter when it comes to girls. I mean his last girlfriend's mom set them up, and it took him months to even gather up the courage to talk to the girlfriend he had before her. So she said that I'm definitely gonna have to make the first move. She suggested that I just wait till the next time he's in town, and ask him out on a date. She also said it'll probably be awkward at first, but that's just a risk I'm gonna have to take.
And as it turns out, I talked to Todd yesterday, and he said that he'll probably be coming into town the Saturday after Halloween, just for the night because his brother's birthday is that following Monday. So I just might have an opportunity to see him. He said he'd definitely call me when he got into town, but work is gonna be insane that weekend, so we'll see.

In other news, guess who's back in the picture?
If you guessed Brandon, then you're correct.
Last night after work, I went over to Tipsy to meet up with Bethany and Tug and a couple other coworkers. Well, as it turned out, practically our entire bar, including all 3 managers/owners were there! So it was like a huge work party. We had a blast too! And of course, Brandon was there, since he is now a coworker too. He bought me a couple shots and we hung out a little. His sister Summer was there, and she asked me about us. You know, what was going on and all. She said that he told her he really likes me, and he thinks I'm super cool, but he just doesn't want it to get weird with us working together.
"When did he tell you this?" I asked.
"Just today!" She said.
"Oh...how weird. I seriously thought he just wasn't into me or something."
"No no! Not at all! My brother is just...different than most guys. He's really picky about the girls he talks to, and he takes things really slow." Summer explained.
So that gave me something to think about.
So Brandon and I hung out casually for the rest of the night. I mean, obviously, I didn't wanna give my coworkers any ideas since that's something we are apparently both concerned about.
After the bars closed, a small group of us went over to this guy Sean's house. It was me, Blinn, Brandon, Bethany, Mr. S., and Tug. Sean used to work with Mr. S. and Mr. P. last year before his bar shut down, but I don't really know him.
So anyways, we all went over there and had a few beers before we decided to call it a night. Brandon and Blinn had ridden with me over to Sean's, but Bethany offered to drive Blinn home since I "had my hands full" with Brandon. So Brandon and I drove back over to the shot bar, where his car was parked. But he was definitely too drunk to drive, so I moved his car for him to our work parking lot. Then he came home with me.
We ate sandwiches and then got in bed and started talking. I told him that I talked to his sister, and I asked him to be straight forward with me. And he basically told me the same thing that Summer did. He just didn't want things at work to get weird, and he didn't want me going around telling people he was an ass or something.
"Well why would I tell anyone that? Are you planning on dicking me over or something?"
"No! I just...this is what I mean. I don't want it to get to that point where things are weird."
"Look. If, and when you start bartending, I am going to treat you exactly the same way I treat all the other bartenders. I don't want people at work knowing about my personal business any more than you do. Trust me. I'd rather them not know anything at all. So it's not going to be weird. I'm not that girl. I'm not a drama queen."
"Ok well good then. We're on the same page."

And then we started kissing... And one thing led to another, and before I even knew what was happening, he was undressing me, and I was pulling his shirt off... Omg he has the sexiest chest. I couldn't stop running my hands over it.
Well we had sex.
There. I said it.
And don't bother posting the nasty comments, because I didn't have to tell you we did it! I could have totally left that information out, but I figured you guys would probably like something nasty to read once in a while...
And considering the fact that we were both drunk, it was pretty good sex! I mean, we were both so uninhibited! There was none of that weird awkwardness like when we kissed for the first time. It was just so...natural. I wanted him, he wanted me, and we both went to bed satisfied.
And we cuddled. :)
I mean afterwards, we were both just kind of lying there, panting, and staring at the ceiling and then he said, "Come over here.", and he gestured to his side, and I curled up next to him with one arm around him and it was just so...easy. Comfortable. Nice.
But I'm not gonna lie, I did feel a pang of guilt when Todd popped into my head.
But, distractions, right?? That's what I need, isn't it??
I mean I'm not sure if this whole Brandon thing will last, or even if it will work out at all, but I do know that he makes me happy. At least for now. And apparently, all I can have at the moment is right now.
I'm not talking about Mr. Right Now, I'm talking about living in the moment.
That doesn't mean I'm gonna go sleeping with Joe Schmoe every time I get drunk, I just mean...it felt good to just let go, and give over to my more carnal senses for once, without over analyzing everything. I guess because I've sort of come to the realization that as long as I'm realistic about everything, and as long as I don't get my hopes up too much, I can still be happy, even if I'm not with Mr. Perfect (aka Todd).
And guess what else??
He asked me out on a date! A real date. Tomorrow night. Dinner. 8 pm.
And I'm nervous! Because I mean, it's been so long since I've been on a real date! I think the last real date I had was with Vette Guy. Ugh...
I just don't want it to be awkward. Especially after last night...
So, I slept with Brandon last night, and I have date with Brandon tomorrow night. Lol. That is a little backasswards, but I'll take it!

Speaking of dates, TDH is still texting me! Today he asked me if he was gonna have to beg. I told him he was more than welcome to beg if he thought that would convince me. Ha!
What a tool. Taryn, one of my friends at work, suggested I make a date with him and then purposely stand him up. I laughed, but I don't think I could really be that mean.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Dallas Disaster

I ended up having to close Friday night, which was great money-wise, but it also meant I only got 3 hours of sleep before I had to wake up and go pick up Melissa. We made it to Dallas in really good time actually. There was no traffic, and I was speeding most of the way. So we met up with Todd's family first and then went to the tailgate. We ate so much food, it was ridiculous! Finally it was time for the game. We got to watch Todd warm up with his snapper (the guy that throws the ball to him when he kicks). It was awesome! They ended up losing the game, but Todd did really well, and they definitely put up a fight. Seeing him play was amazing. I mean he's so graceful! Lol.
Afterwards, Todd's family left, and we waited for him outside the locker room. There were 2 agents waiting to talk to him as well. A lot of people have been looking at him lately, since it's his senior year. I wonder which NFL team he'll play for.... Anyways, when he finished talking to everyone, he came over said hi, and gave me a hug, and we then we followed him back to his house.

Melissa and I got ready as fast as we could, but by the time we left, it was already 1am. I mean the game didn't end till about 11, and then we had to wait for Todd, so we were already off to a late start. We ended up at some bar out in the middle of nowhere. Not in downtown, which was a little disappointing, because I was hoping to barhop. But we wouldn't have had time anyway... So we took as many shots as we could cram into the hour we had left. Todd, always the responsible one, was driving, so he only had one. The whole time we were there I kept having arguments with myself in my head.
How do I act? Do I flirt? How do I even flirt with him?? Would he even notice?
((sigh)) So I just tried to stay near him at all times. His friends were nice for the most part. All of them were football players, and he introduced me to so many people I couldn't even begin to hope I'd remember all their names. One guy in particular, was extraordinarily obnoxious. I mean Todd warned me that he was "crazy" but I had no idea that meant he would be mentally unstable, socially retarded and chemically imbalanced! First, he grabbed my ass, then he went for my crotch! I mean, standing right in front of me, he goes, "I'm gonna grab your crotch!" and sure enough, he went for it!! Naturally, I slapped his hand away and told him playfully, but seriously, that if he touched me again, I'd punch him in his throat. Todd stepped between us at that point. And he's so huge, he could probably separate 2 mountains if he wanted to. I mean literally, he's 6'6" and in really good shape! It's so weird, cuz I remember when we were in high school, and he was a scrawny 5 feet tall with a squeaky voice. ((sigh)) Those were the days... Anyways, after that, his weird friend walked away.

When the bar closed, we all piled back into Todd's BMW and headed over to a house party. The place was pretty crowded when we got there, and everybody was already pretty loaded. I mean they'd all been drinking since the game ended! There were 3 beer pong tables set up in their garage, and all the boys were in there playing. And of course, when you get a whole football team of twenty-something guys together with beer pong, they're gonna be loud and rowdy.
And this is when things started to get shitty.

Let's do some background real quick. Melissa turned 25 this year. She's 6 months older than I am. And all she ever talks about when in the presence of younger people, is her age. Maybe it's cuz she's short. Maybe it's cuz she still lives at home and doesn't work. Maybe it's cuz she's still going to school. I don't know! But she always feels the need to assert herself by telling people that she's 25, as if it's some kind of exclusive club she just entered. As if anyone cares! And she says it with this air of snotty authority...it's stupid! Every time she does it, I roll my eyes.
"Omg I am so old! I'm twenty-five!"
So as soon as we walk into this party, she starts saying shit about how she can't believe she's at this "college party" with all these "little boys", etc. etc...
About 15 minutes after we get there, someone knocks on the door. One of the players' mom answers it, and it's a disgruntled neighbor, threatening to call the cops if we don't all quiet down. Well since this Mom was the only adult (and I'm not using that term loosely, because technically we were all adults) at the party, she started walking around telling underage drinkers that they should probably head home.
Well Melissa goes up and talks to The Mom and of course, tells her that she's 25, and that she'll help her clear out the minors. So we all go into the garage, where Todd is playing beer pong with 3 other guys. The Mom is yelling for everyone to quiet down, and none of the guys are listening, if they can even hear her over all their noise. One guy in particular, a fat boy with shaggy hair, who was playing beer pong against Todd, is yelling especially loudly. So Melissa starts yelling at him to shut the fuck up and listen to The Mom.
Well the fat kid, in his drunken stupor, doesn't like this and yells at Melissa to shut the fuck up. Then she yells back that he needs to be quiet and listen to The Mom and show some respect.

"Do you fucking live here!?" He screamed, "Fuck you bitch! Do you fucking live here???"

She called him a fat fuck, he called her a whore and a bitch, it went on for about a minute.
Todd and I were just standing there shell-shocked. I mean all I could think was, Omg is this really happening!?
"I wanna leave. Can we please leave now? I don't wanna be here anymore." Melissa says to Todd.
I could tell he didn't wanna go, I mean we'd only been there for about 20 minutes. But since he's Todd, he said of course we could leave. And Melissa immediately walks off. I chased after her through the crowd and out the front door.

"Why are you going outside? It's freezing! We have to wait for Todd." I said.
"Because! I don't wanna be here anymore!" Melissa snapped.
I sighed as she reached Todd's car.
"Ok well don't try to open the door, you might set the alarm off."
"I'm not gonna open the fucking door Peyton, I'm not a retard!"
"Why are you yelling at me!? I'm not the one you're mad at, don't take this out on me!" I said firmly.
"I really don't wanna hear from you right now Peyton! I've already heard enough."
"Well why did you have to say anything to him!? That whole situation could have been avoided if you hadn't started yelling at him to shut the fuck up!" I was starting to lose my cool by this point.
"I don't wanna fucking hear it Peyton! That guy was a fucking dick! He had no right to talk to me like that!" There was a definite bitchy edge to her voice that was raising the hairs on my neck.
"I know that, I'm just saying, none of that would have happened if you hadn't instigated it!"
"Just shutup!" She yelled.
"WHY does drama have to follow me wherever I go!?" I said halfway to myself.
"Oh WHATever! You think you're so much better than everyone! You act like you don't have any drama! But you do! You have just as much as me so you have no room to talk-"
"FINE! Fine." I cut her off.

Todd's roommate, Brendan, approached and we were both silent. He apologized profusely for the fat guy and told us he was ashamed of his friend's actions. I told him not to worry about it, it wasn't his fault, etc...
Todd finally got to the car; he had to say goodbye to some people. When we got in the car, I apologized to Melissa for snapping at her, but she didn't say anything. She just sat in the back seat sniffling. Todd felt so bad about what happened, it was so sweet. ((sigh)) He kept trying to cheer her up, but she just kept shaking her head and saying she didn't care about "that stupid boy". So we went back to Todd's and Melissa went straight upstairs and to bed. A few of Todd's friends came over and they played more beer pong. There were 3 girls there too. I started getting really sleepy, so I sat down on the couch behind the beer pong table to watch. After their game Todd came and sat down. Then one of the girls came over and sat down on the other side of him.

The next thing I knew, his arm was around her. My stomach plummeted. And there I was sitting there next to them. How pathetic. I was shocked at how upset this made me. I mean obviously Todd was interested in this girl. So...had he even stopped to consider me in that way?? Maybe he never will... Maybe I'll always just be his "best friend". ((sigh))

"I'm gonna go to bed." I announced.

"Ok!" Todd smiled. "Goodnight Peyton."

The entire night had been a disaster. I trudged up the stairs to Todd's room where Melissa and I were sleeping. She was fast asleep. I went into his humongous bathroom and shut the door so the light wouldn't wake her up. I started to take my makeup off and suddenly I just...started to cry. I don't really know why it all hit me at once like that, but it did. I backed into Todd's closet and shut the door so that I could have a good cry and get it out of my system.

It's like I've been single for so long, and wasting so much time with all these stupid asshole guys, that nobody takes me seriously anymore. Everyone just thinks I'm out to have fun, and I'm just all about the scene and that's it. But I'm not. That's not me. And if anyone should know that, it's Todd. But he can't seem to see me in a romantic light. ((sigh))
He's so...perfect...it's like...I don't know what to do! We've been friends since we were kids. He introduces me as his best friend. But...we have a really deep-rooted friendship, and isn't that the best foundation for a successful relationship? And he really knows me, I mean really knows me. And we understand each other so well, and we have the same ideals, and I have so much respect for him, he's the nicest guy I know! It literally kills me to just let him go. But...I've already told him before that it's crossed my mind, and he's only been single for about 4 weeks, and I don't wanna overwhelm him. But I also don't wanna pass up this opportunity, because who knows when I'll get this chance again! Maybe he just doesn't know how I feel, or maybe...I dunno. I just don't know!
I told Sophie all about it. She thinks I should wait till the next time he's in town and ask him out on a date. She says I'll have to make the first move, because he's never been good about that. I mean, he was set up with his last girlfriend, and he's only ever had 2 serious relationships. But I know he won't be back in Houston for at least 4 weeks, because he has 4 more games. And 4 weeks is a long time to wait!!
So I've been toying with the idea of writing to him. Like an email or something. But I have no idea what to say, or even how to begin.

TDH stood me up again on Friday. He didn't even call!
Tonight he texted me, "Hey!"
I said, "Don't bother."
"Figured...I'm sorry, late" was his response.
What a dick.
I'm so through with these guys.
I'm just done.

P.S. This is my hair, and believe it or not, it's brown!

So here I am
Looking pretty for you
They come and go
No one else here will do
So I'm dancing alone
Dreaming solo
'Cause your love's the one worth waiting for
It's just like heaven

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Exciting Weekend Ahead

I still haven't heard from Brandon. ((Sigh)) So I guess that's it then. One kiss. What gives??
I'm soooo excited about Dallas this weekend! Todd and I have been texting back and forth all day. He told me the story about he and his now ex-girlfriend. Apparently she went nuts and cussed him out and said a bunch of horrible things. He said that right then, he knew it was over. I mean, for real, Todd is the sweetest, most thoughtful and considerate person I've ever met. I don't think I could ever yell at him! Hmmm... But I'm not sure how to go about things with him. I mean we've been friends since we were kids, and I would never wanna wreck that. Plus, to him, and maybe to most people, I'm kind of...all over the place with guys! I mean, it's been almost 2 years since I've had a real relationship. And he's always been the serious relationship type. And believe me, if I could find someone willing to do some hard time with me then maybe I wouldn't still be single! Lol.
OMG Oliver is being SOOOO bad right now! He's acting like a petulant child just because I'm on the computer right now instead of playing with him. He just peed on my floor just to get my attention!!!! I mean I literally just came inside from taking him out to go to the bathroom. And he definitely went potty outside. Ugh. I am so pissed right now!! ((sigh))
Ok, deep breaths. He's in his kennel now in the dark with the door closed. Anyway, I got my hair done today! It has light blue streaks underneath. And it looks awesome! I'm actually going back tomorrow to get some more. I used to have purple hair, did I ever mention that?
Well...I guess that's all for now. OH! I finally have a set date with TDH. We're having lunch tomorrow afternoon. :)

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

A Tale Of Two Turkeys

So much has happened in 2 days, I dunno if I'll be able to cram it all in!
Ok, first of all, Brandon spent the night Friday and Sunday night! I think I already recapped Friday. Well, nothing happened on Friday anyway so, Sunday!
I had the day off, which was nice, and definitely well deserved. I slept in super late, and then went up to my bar to meet Nick and some coworkers. I called Brandon on my way there, and he said he'd meet up with me when he was done studying.
So we hung out there all day, and then Brandon and I headed back to my place around 12:30am. He'd been acting a little...distant through out the day I noticed. He kept leaving to talk to other people for long periods of time. But that's fine, I mean he's gonna be working with us soon, and it's good for him to get to know people I guess. So we get back to my place and I put on Across The Universe. He pretty much fell asleep, with his head on
my shoulder while we were sitting on the couch. So when the movie ended, I suggested we go to bed.
So when we got in bed, I started to get really impatient, wondering if he was ever going to kiss me. And there he was, laying right next to me, not doing a damn thing! So I started huffing. Lol. And then he asked me what was wrong. And I started giving him shit about how he must be afraid of me or something, and then suddenly, he was kissing me.
And it was actually kind of anticlimactic. ((sigh)) I mean, we kissed for a while, and I just kept waiting for that feeling, that first kiss swooning feeling, to hit me....but it never did. :(
And I dunno if it's just because of all the waiting, and the built up anticipation, or if it's just because we don't have chemistry. But it's so frustrating!! GRRRRR!!!
So he left the next day, and I actually haven't seen him since. I mean we've talked, but he had a test this week, and he went into work late on Monday cuz his alarm didn't go off, so he's been studying and going to bed early this week. At least, that's what he's been telling me. And I've been working. And I talked to Melissa about it. She says I always do this. I really like a guy, and I chase him, and I let him chase me, and then as soon as it happens, BAM! I lose interest. And she's sort of right, but I'm not sure if I agree that it's self-sabotage. I mean, if that was the case, he'd at least be calling me still, right??? And I haven't heard from him all day. He used to send me "good morning" text messages. Haven't gotten one of those either. ((sigh)) Oh well. I'm just gonna leave him alone for a while and see what happens.

In other news! Last night, Bethany, and Tug and I went to the Ghostland Observatory show at the new House of Blues! It was AWESOME! We had so much fun! It turned out that a group of our coworkers were there, so we hung out in their booth with them, which had an amazing view, and guess who was there?? John.
The ups and downs with him never seem to end...
So after the show, we all went back to our bar for a couple drinks, and John wasn't there. I figured he'd gone home. Then Bethany, Tug and I went to BW3's for some grub and trivia and ended up staying there for about an hour. When we went back to our bar to close out our tabs there he was! With his bike in tow. Apparently he'd gone home to get his bike or whatever, and when he game back, the rest of the crew was gone. So we were all standing around talking, and he offered me a shot. I said yes, of course, and we went inside. Bethany and Tug went home, and then it was just me and John.
We took a shot, and had a couple drinks and just talked for a while. It was kind of nice actually. Because both of us were sober, unlike every other time we hang out. Then it started pouring down rain! So John moved his bike inside through the back door. I ended up taking him back to my place, since he couldn't drive his bike. Don gave us a lot of shit as we were leaving, saying stupid things like, "Be safe! Use a condom!"
I yelled at him to shutup. When we got back to my apartment, I put on a movie (John wanted to watch 21) and we just made ourselves comfortable in bed. Before long, John was passed out, and my eyes were fighting to stay open. So I turned off the movie and went to sleep. And that was that! Just like last time. No kissing, no cuddling, no touching even! But I knew what to expect this time around, so it wasn't that weird. And I think I might be starting to get over him. All the runaround, the up and downs, the games, the ambiguity... It's gotten old. I just don't wanna do it anymore.
Tall Dark and Handsome still texts me btw... I'm not even really sure why, because he never texts me to make plans! He just asks what I'm doing! That's getting pretty old too. If he doesn't ask me out soon, I'm going to delete his phone number. I think I've just had it up to here with guys who can't make up their minds. I don't want someone who doesn't know what they want! I want a guy who's sure. A guy who's attractive, smart, funny, and nice. Somebody I can be myself with.
And do you know who I just described??


Oh, and did I mention that Melissa and I are going to Dallas this weekend to see his game? I'm so excited!!!

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Waiting It Out

Brandon and I hung out Wednesday and Thursday night. Thursday, after we went out, we went to IHOP with Bethany and Brandon's roommate, because they had ridden together. Afterwards, he told his roommate to wait while he walked me to my car. I was so sure he was going to kiss me, but it was like he wouldn't come closer to me than 3 feet! And then his stupid roommate pulled around the corner and started honking his horn. ((sigh)) So no kiss. But he did call me when he got home, and we ended up talking on the phone till almost 7am Friday morning!
So Friday night, I had to work, obviously, and Brandon went out with his sister. After work, a couple people were hangin' out, drinking beer, and Brandon calls me. He's at his sister's apartment with Jayme and his roommate and he wants me to come over.
Well, I was sitting at a table outside with John, Mark and Blinn, and they were all talking about going over to Blinn's for drinks and poker. So I was really torn. Brandon? Or John?
So I told Brandon I was gonna chill for a minute, and finish my beer, and then give him a call in a little bit. So we all walked out to the parking lot after a while, and John asks me if I'm ready for that motorcycle ride.
"Well that depends," I said, "Is is a one way ticket? Are you gonna drive me back here to my car?"
"I can." He said, "Or we can just take a ride around the block and then I can bring you back over here if you want."
"Well if you just wanna get this over with, then sure!" I said teasingly.
"Ok, some other time then." He grinned.
So I walked to my car, and he got on his bike, and we all headed over to Blinn's.
We hung out and drank, smoked a little...the usual. But I couldn't stop thinking about Brandon. ((Sigh)) AND John. John was acting very....elusive. Confusing. He's just so hard to read. And it drives me crazy! I mean, I don't wanna wait around for some guy who's possibly not sure how he feels about me! And even if he is sure of his feelings for me, the least he could do is act on them in some way, shape or form! And not just when he's drunk.
So I decided to duck out early. I called Brandon and asked him if he still wanted to hang out. But he said that everyone had already left, and he was just gonna crash on his sister's couch. So I figured, what the hell! And I invited him over.
When we got to my apartment, he immediately started playing with Oliver. And Oliver loves him! It's so cute how Brandon talks to him. Lol. I swear, it was like I was competing for his attention. Haha. By the time we went to bed, the sun was up, and still no kiss. Not even a suggestive touch! ((huff!)) I was starting to second guess myself!
We laid there and talked for a while, and I was teasing him about being stand-offish. And he said something along the lines of, "I just don't want you to get the wrong impression of me. I like to take my time with people. Not just get in, bang bang! get out. I mean I used to do that, but I'm not like that anymore and I just....don't want you to see me that way. I dunno...I guess I'm just rambling."
We passed out soon afterwards and I woke up this morning not even remembering having made the decision to go to sleep. In fact, the whole time we were talking, all I kept thinking about was how I was just gonna kiss him and get it over with! Break the ice! Ya know? Because I really wanted to! But I never plucked up the courage. Oh well...
So we got up around 2pm, lol, and I made corndogs and we watched Seinfeld. Then I walked him out to his car, because my mom was on her way over. STILL no kiss.

Well my mom and I had plans to go to this wig shop by my house. We got there about 30 minutes before they closed, and she tried on several different wigs. It was really interesting to see her with all these hip hairstyles! Lol, it almost made me wanna try one on!
So I spent the afternoon with my mom; we went the bookstore, and out to dinner after the wig shopping. And almost the entire time, Brandon was texting me.
First I asked him what he wanted me to think of him. You know since he doesn't want me to think he's a manwhore, or a player, but he won't kiss me either! It's like he thinks I'm the plague! Lol.
His response?
"I don't know, but I like to take my time with people. But for your information, I like you and want to see you again."
Me: That's cool, I like to take my time too. Well, I try, but I'm just kind of impatient by nature."
B: Well, you don't always have to be the one that makes all the moves you know. But I'm not going to keep doing this if that is what you think.
Me: Oh really?? Well then what ARE you going to do?
B: I don't know, but I want to see you again. And I left my watch over there, so I guess that means I HAVE to see you again!
B: Maybe I can stay with you tonight??
Me: Sure

That's pretty much the gyst of it. He didn't end up staying tonight though, obviously. I mean it's Saturday and we do inventory and we didn't get out of there till late. I talked to him around 3:30am and he was already in bed. Apparently he has to take some clients out golfing at 9am. Lol. But he told me he's gonna call me when he's done and then we're gonna hang out.
Sunday's are my friend days though. So he's just gonna have to put up with me AND Bethany, cuz we always do Sunday Fundays together.
But we'll just have to wait and see how tomorrow pans out. Maybe one of these days I'll get a kiss.
Before I move on to the next part of this post, let me just describe Brandon to you. He's not as tall as I would like, but he has the most beautiful smile! Big, beautiful, perfectly straight white teeth. ((sigh)) And his hair is kinda long, shaggy and glossy dark brown, almost black. He looks really Native American. He says he's Cherokee. He has the nice olive skin, and high cheekbones too. But he has a very boyish look about him that I like. Anyways, that's pretty much it I suppose. So, moving on!

Melissa and I are taking a road trip to Dallas to go see Todd's football game next weekend! I'm so excited! We haven't really gotten to hang out in a while, plus it's been forever since I've driven anywhere besides Austin. And I've yet to see one of Todd's games!
Oh, and guess what else? Todd and his girlfriend broke up!!!!!!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Joy Ride

Yesterday was very exhausting, but totally worth it! I went with Mark to his parent's ranch in Katy and rode horses all day! It was so nice to be back in the saddle, although my ass is paying for it now... Lol. But it was fun, and relaxing, and the weather was perfect! When I got home, I was tired, so I laid around for a while and watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Then Brandon called.
We ended up hanging out last night, and it was fun. But his height really bothers me! He's so hot, I wish he were taller. Oh well. So we smoked a little, and I was super high, but we had a really good time. We stopped into my bar to say hi to Bethany. On our way out I noticed a bike sitting out front that looked a lot like John's. I asked Gavin if he knew whose bike it was, but he said it was just some guy's. Hmm. Still haven't seen or heard from John since...well since last Friday! Anyways, at the end of the night Brandon walked me to my car and we stood there, kind of awkwardly. We were parked right next to each other, but I was facing forwards, and he was facing backwards, so our doors were against each other. So anyways, I'm standing there with my door open, and he's standing there with his door open... It was awkward. I mean, I couldn't tell if he was interested or not! And I mean, I wanted him to kiss me, sort of, or at least give me a hug goodbye, but he was being so stand-offish. So finally, I broke the silence.
"Well, I'll be out tomorrow so..."
"Yea, I'll be at the shot bar with my roommate." He said.
"Ok. Well...call me then."
"Ok." He said.
Then I got in my car and shut the door.
As I was driving home I wrote him a text, "Well what was that?"
B: I don't know!!! What did u want me to do?
Me: Lmao. I don't know, SOMETHING!!
B: Well I'm sorry I guess I didn't know if u wanted me to do something
Me: Well what were you leaning towards?
B: I wanted to kiss u but didn't want to get dissed!!
Me: Lol well you never know till you take a chance, right?
B: Yeah u are so right
Me: Well then why didn't you?
B: I don't know! I guess I didn't get that same vibe from u. I thought I was making an ass of myself.
Me: Lol well the vibe you were probably getting was HIGHHHH! you weren't making an ass of yourself.
B: That's cool. Didn't know if I was or not. But I was just trying to see u smile and laugh... :) :)

So that was that. He texted me this morning with, "Hey good morning. I woke up late, wanted to sleep in a bit. Had fun last night."

THEN he texted me again just a little while ago telling me he got a job at my bar as a door guy!!
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! That means he and John are gonna be working together!!!!
COULD THIS BE ANY WORSE FOR ME?!?!?! I mean, I knew he had applied there, but he just wants to get his foot in the door cuz he's in bartending school right now. Ughhh...this sucks. I mean, why does he wanna bartend anyway?? He has a day job at an engineering firm!
I'm gonna see him again tonight, you know for our original plans.
I wonder if John will be at work today...

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Decisions, Decisions...

Ok, quick update!
TDH bailed on our not exactly a date date. So I went out with Evan instead.
John has been oddly distant, but that could just be because he took off work Saturday, and I haven't seen him in a while.
TDH still texts me on a daily basis, but I can't really figure out why, since he doesn't seem to wanna make any definite plans.
And, there's a new guy in the picture.
One of the bartenders at the shot bar, her name is Summer, it's her brother. His name is Brandon. He's definitely attractive, but not as tall as I would like. But the thing I do really like about him is HE ACTUALLY CALLS ME!
And in a texting world girls, that's hard to find. I mean literally, the first day after he got my number, he called me and asked me to hang out Thursday. So! I have plans with Brandon on Thursday. Oh, and he's a lot of fun. He's goofy, and we like to give each other shit and tease each other. It's fun.
So that's that with the boys!

In other news, my mom started chemotherapy yesterday. She decided to go ahead with the chemo, because I guess the surgeon told her she needed it. And I talked to her on the phone while she was there, with the IV in her arm. She sounded so horrible it was heart breaking. I almost started crying in the grocery store. I never thought this would be so hard. I mean my job is to be strong for my mom, make her laugh, and take her mind off the bad stuff. And I'm pretty good at doing that actually! I can always make my mom laugh. But when I'm not with her, it's gut wrenching. I mean every time we get off the phone it's like...it's like a waterfall of emotions, worry, stress, sadness, regret all just comes crashing down on me. ((sigh))
It's so hard.

And finally, I'm thinking about going back to school. At the Art Institute. I spoke to someone on the phone today about the photography program, and I set up a meeting on Saturday. They wanna see my portfolio, and go over some of the classes and give me a tour. My mom is going with me too, and she's really glad I'm looking into it. I'm actually excited about it too! I mean I would really love to learn some new Photoshop stuff! I would have to get a whole 'nother bachelor's degree, which might take me a while, but at least it would be something I have a chance of using! And I think I'll really enjoy it. So...I think it might be a good idea.

I'm sorry I haven't been good about writing lately. It's just that they have me working 5 nights a week now, and when I do get a night off, I just wanna go out with my friends, ya know?
Last night was my coworker, Taryn's birthday, so Alyssa and I went out for that. Oh, and she's the one that's dating the famous pro-athlete. So he was there and I got to meet him. That was pretty awesome! Evan was so jealous! Haha...
Well, Oliver is literally running laps around my living room right now, and it's such a beautiful night! I'm gonna go take him for a walk.