Thursday, June 30, 2016


It's happening again and I don't know how to stop it.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Last Woman Standing

Well apparently Abbie's wife has been cheating on her since February with some woman she works with. Abbie's twin, Reagan, found out quite by accident. They all share a family phone plan, and Reagan was looking over the bill when she noticed that Helen's call log had been manually deleted, which was odd, as well as a strange number that was being texted a lot, late at night. So she mentioned it to Abbie, and Abbie confronted Helen, and she denied it at first, but "gradually" came clean, only admitting to a little bit at a time.
Abbie said she is heartbroken, and still loves Helen, and she thought they were still in their honeymoon phase, despite the fact that Helen has been callous and bitchy towards her recently. She cried on the phone, and said she feels like a failure and she doesn't want to tell anyone that Helen cheated. I think she's being way too accommodating. What a cunt! Ugh... I feel so bad for her. But she said her new job as a flight attendant has helped keep her distracted and busy. So that's good. Hopefully she'll meet some new people and being away from Helen will make it easier for her to move on.
So that's what's going on with that.

So for the past several months, Lauren has been kind of seeing this guy she met on Tinder who lives in Dallas. He's been here to visit a few times, and she's gone there, but she always spoke of him as if he was more of a friend than a romantic interest. Like, she thinks he's really funny and they have a good time together, but she wasn't that attracted to him physically. And then there was the fact that they basically never had sex. Apparently she tried to initiate it several times, and it just...didn't work. So that's definitely not a good sign. So based on all of that, I never really gave Dallas Guy much thought. But then she went there this past weekend and she told me on Sunday that he asked her to move in with him! IN DALLAS! Apparently the lack of sex was due to the fact that he "really really likes her" and was nervous, and after they talked about it, everything was fine in the bedroom. And she said she is actually thinking about it. If she leaves, I'll just DIE!! She is my ONLY remaining single friend! Not to mention, basically my only friend AT ALL here in NOLA. I mean, there's Bethany, but we just don't have much in common anymore and I don't feel as close to her as I did back in the day. Plus, she's completely consumed with work and wedding planning. Ugh.
If Lauren leaves, who will I go out with on the weekends? Who will be my trusty wingwoman? Who will go to last minute happy hour with me? Who will be my travel buddy on road trips to Houston??? MY SOCIAL LIFE IS GOING TO DIE A SLOW PAINFUL DEATH! Not to mention my sex/dating life, which I pretty much owe entirely to her. I never would have met any of the guys I met this year if I wasn't out with Lauren. ((Sigh))
I know Sophie is coming, which is good, but...it's not the same as having a girlfriend my own age to pal around with. And she doesn't really go out much, and we run in very different circles. We've always had our own friends. I've had terrible anxiety over this for the last couple days, because I don't want my life to go back to the way it was. When I was boring and always at home watching tv and eating. I could gain back all the weight I lost! UGHHHHHH....
Making new friends is hard.
Meeting men is hard.
I thought I had a handle on that situation, but now all of that could go down the toilet. ((Sigh))

I haven't heard from Kyle all week either. Not since he apologized for responding late to a text I sent him. He was at a haunted house with his brother and he said he doesn't like to be on his phone when he's doing things with other people, which I understand and respect. But now he's in Miami all week, and I told myself I wouldn't text him AT ALL. And I haven't. But he hasn't texted me either, which is not a good sign.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Sex, Dating, Marriage and Cheating

Sorry if I left you guys hanging. Apparently some of you were confused by my reaction to finding out "The Cheater" had a gf. Ok. Initially yea, maybe my reaction was inappropriately strong. But it obviously came as a complete shock to me. And yes, it's true, I knew next to nothing about the guy when I slept with him, and what we had lasted one night, and was 85% just physical. The fact still remains, I wouldn't have done any of it if I'd known he was supposed to be committed to another person. I'm not ok with that. I'm not a pure hedonist, there is always a line we have to draw. After everything that happened with Lane, I came out the other side of a dark tunnel pretty much, with my back straight and my head up, refusing to let my broken heart take me deeper into that tunnel, where surely depression and anxiety and hopelessness waited for me. I've been there before, I'm familiar with the road that leads to that, and I made a choice not to take that road. Instead, I chose the road of distraction, pleasure and indulgence. I don't regret that choice, because it's far better than the alternative, but perhaps I continued down that path a little too long. And finding out about Eric's girlfriend was sort of an eye opener. I'm not saying I'm going to revirginize myself or anything, but going forward, I want to be a bit more informed on my choices. I don't think cheating is ok, ever. Under any circumstances. I've cheated, and been cheated on. In the long run, it's hurtful to everyone involved, and any pleasure derived from the experience comes at a hefty price. Not to mention, it's baggage I just don't need! So those are my feelings on that.

Anyway, Abbie just called and dropped a huge bomb on me. She and Helen are getting a divorce. They haven't even been married a year! The selfish part of me is angry because I spent so much money to be in their wedding and had to fly to Chicago when I was broke and going through a really rough time, and so much time and thought (and more money) went into the gift I got/made for them, and so much time and grief (on my part as well as Abbie's) went into their whole courtship (I was in Chicago for all of that), and now it's all just going down the drain! The phone call was very brief, because Abbie was at work, but she did tell me that Helen cheated, and apparently her twin sister, Reagan, is the one who figured it out. She promised to call me later tonight and explain everything. ((Sigh)) I'm going to be thinking and wondering and speculating about this all day. Of course I feel awful for Abbie, and genuinely shocked. They seemed so in love! And I really did believe Helen was the best woman for the job! (Being Abbie's wife) Cuz Abbie's no walk in the park. I mean, just being her friend was pretty much a full-time job, and she's high maintenance! Maybe that's why Helen cheated? She's also pretty young. I think she was only 24 or 25 when they got married. Still! NOT AN EXCUSE TO CHEAT! Ugh...
Every time this happens I lose a little bit more hope for myself. I know, I know, it's not about me. But if any of you are one of the last TWO single people left in your group of friends, you'll understand. It's just me and Lauren now. One of us will end up in a relationship eventually, and the other one will be fucked. And I don't want it to be Lauren, but of course, I don't want it to be me either. ((Sigh))

Speaking of relationships, Chris hasn't answered my last 2 texts. At first I thought he might be traveling, because the last time I saw him, he mentioned he was gonna have to go to Detroit and somewhere else. But in the past, he's always been pretty good at responding to my messages, so either I said or did something the night of my bday that put him off or freaked him out, or it's just ran its course. Who knows? Our time together had an expiration date anyway, so perhaps it's better this way.
And Kyle promised to take me out for a late bday dinner as well. That was supposed to happen the weekend after my birthday. We had a restaurant picked out and he was going to pick me up and everything. But the morning of our date, he called and said he left his work laptop at his hotel in Dallas and had to drive all the way back to get it because he could get in big trouble. He apologized a lot and begged me not to hate him and swore he'd make it up to me, but we have yet to reschedule. ((Eye roll)) First he got sent off shore, and this weekend I'm super busy with work, and on Sunday he's leaving for a work conference in Miami for a week. Ugh! I'm not sure if this will ever happen. Maybe in another 2 years? Lol. As much as I would like to see him and find out if we still have that chemistry we had 2 years ago, I'm not holding my breath. But in the meantime, my bootycall well has dried up. So I'm taking that as a sign that my 6 month foray into the life of Dorian Gray has come to an end. I really do want something more meaningful than that.