Thursday, June 25, 2009

Homeward Bound

Thursday, June 25, 11:10am. 4:14am Houston.
We're finally on our way home. Well, not home for me, but home for everybody else. After Camargue, we went to St. Tropez. We had to cut Marseille out of our trip, so St. Tropez was the one place were supposed to get dressed up and go out and enjoy the nightlife. But of course, that didn't happen. We found a campsite and decided to stay there for 3 nights, but it was on the other side of the bay! So it definitely wasnt close enough to St. Tropez to walk, and you had to either drive or take a ferry to get there. I really wanted to go out the first night, but Emma wouldn't quit bitching about her UTI and how tired she was, so we just stayed at the campsite. I mean, I was sympathetic the first few days, but 3 days of listening to her bitching and moaning to me, as if I'm a doctor and I'm holding out on her or something, starts to get old after a while. ((Sigh!))
So the next morning, we were forced to get up early because it was about 800 degrees in our tent. So we showered, and headed into the city, via ferry, to do some shopping. All the stores there were couture, and obviously very expensive, so neither of us ended up buying anything. But we got huge icecream cones, and that was the best icecream I've ever had. We walked around, window shopped, ate lunch, and looked at all the fancy yahts. Then we headed back to camp around 3. Emma wanted to take a nap, so I went to lay on the beach. I stayed there for a couple hours, and then around 6, I went back to the campsite. Emma was laying halfway in the tent, and halfway out. There was a man loudly trimming bushes with a chainsaw nearby. Emma made a comment about it being a "great" sleeping environment.
"Yea..." I agreed, "Well if we're gonna go out tonight we should probably start getting ready."
"Do whatever you want Peyton!" She snapped at me.
"G's, I was just saying!" I said back, then I walked off in disgust.
When I got back, she was still lying there. I started to gather my things for the shower.
"So...how are we gonna get there? And, even more importantly, how are we gonna get back?" Emma asked in a negative voice.
It's a voice I know all too well.
"Ok. If you dont wanna go out tonight, tell me now, cuz I'm about to get in the shower." I said.
"I do! Its just...we have no way of getting there! I mean, do YOU know how we're gonna get back??"
"I'm going to stop by the office and ask." I stated matter of factly.
Emma sighed in annoyance. "I just dont know what you want me to do!"
"Nothing! I just told you, I'm gonna stop by the office and see if there's a bus we can take."
Before she could respond, I left.
But, just my luck, the last bus was at 8. So there would be no way for us to get back to camp unless the boys could drive us. I asked the clerk about taxis, but she said they were ridiculously expensive. I sighed and walked back to camp in defeat. When I got back with all my stuff Emma asked me why I wasn't in the shower.
"Well we cant go out, so whats the point? I'll just take a shower in the morning."
"Why not?" She asked.
"Because we dont have a way to get back. The last bus is at 8."
"Well what about a taxi?"
"It costs like 30 euros. One way. Thats way too expensive."
"Well...you dont think it's worth it?" She whined.
"No. And what made you suddenly change your tune?" I asked, annoyed.
"I never said I didnt wanna go out!" She argued.
"Yea..." I decided to let that one go. "Well I'm gonna go get a bottle of wine or something." I set my things down.
Emma decided to come with me, and somehow we came to the agreement that we'd go to St. Tropez anyway, and figure out how to get back when the time came. So, an hour after I suggested we start getting ready, we went to the showers. By the time we were ready, we discovered that the last bus INTO St. Tropez had left an hour ago. How ironic. We asked the boys if they would take us, but of course they said no. Because they were "drinking and the traffic was bad". Of course that didn't stop them from driving out there at 12am in a drunken stupor the night before. Bastards.
But by this time, we were pretty determined to to something, so I changed into something more comfortable and we decided to walk over to Port Grimauld. We went and sat on a dock, with a bottle of wine and talked and watched the sunset with our feet dangling in the water. Then Emma had to go to the bathroom, so we had to run back to the campsite to pee. As we were walking, 2 boys shouted at us from their window. Luckily, they spoke English. They asked if we wanted to come up and have a drink with them. We said sure, we'd be right back. Cuz Emma was talking about how bad she had to go. Then, of course, she chastised me for telling them that.
"Well you should have said something! All you've been talking about is how bad you need a toilet!" I said.
"Well yea, but I could have waited." She said.
I sighed, exasperated, and we kept walking. We had to stop by the tent to get toilet paper first, cuz there wasnt any in the bathroom. And as soon as we walk up, what do we see, but Stajno trying to get into our tent, which I had cleverly combination locked!!! As soon as he saw us, he tried to play it off like he just wanted to borrow a beach mat. But we weren't buying it. When we got back to the dock, the boys were gone; go figure. So we walked around for a while, drinking wine all the while, and then headed back. There was a crappy cover band playing so we went to watch. We sat down at a table next to a couple cute Frenchies and ordered 2 lemoncellos.
After a while, we got tired and bored and decided to call it a night. As we were walking back to the tent, I heard a "Madamoiselle!"
I paused and turned. It was the tall dark haired boy from the table next to us. I could tell he was much younger than I originally had thought. He began speaking to me in rapid French.
"Whoa whoa...par le vous Engles??" I asked.
He made a confused, frustrated face and shook his head.
I looked at Emma, she shrugged. Then, using the best body language he could, while speaking slowly, he asked us if we'd like to go back and have a drink with him and his friends. Lucky Emma took a couple French classes in high school. We accepted his invitation, and followed him back to where we'd just come from. His friends included the not so cute guy he'd been sitting with, and our waiter from earlier, who, thankfully, spoke English. He translated to us that when he got off work, they were going back to his place to have drinks. I asked how old they were. The waiter responded with 19, 20 and 22. Ouch! And of course, the cute one was the 19 year old. We definitely needed an out. So we asked how long it would be till he got off work. He said an hour. So we said we'd meet them back there in an hour. Then we went to bed. I did feel a little guilty standing them up, but...not THAT guilty. Best not to put myself in those kinds of situations. As we were getting into bed, Emma felt something prickly in her sleeping bag. It was my necklace! Could that have been what Stajno was up to trying to get into our tent?? Hmmm...
The next morning, we left. We all decided 3 days was just too long. On our drive out of town, we stopped twice to swim. We were driving right along the coastline and there were several beautiful blue beaches. St. Rafael was my favorite, with its huge red rocks, and it's turquise waters. It was awesome! There was coral, and fish, and beautiful rocks. I even swam with a school of fish! I felt like a mermaid! Haha. We spent so much time swimming, that we didn't make it as far driving as we'd planned. So we picked another campsite in Italy for the night. Now we have about 10 hours left, and we've been having to stop like every half our so Emma can pee, so its looking like we'll be back by tomorrow. ((Sigh)) I'm so sick of being in the car. The stupid boys keep eating our food and its pissing me off. I mean, they insist on buying nasty canned food, literally EVERYTHING they buy is canned. Then they give us shit for our huge bag of groceries, but of course, when they run out of canned meat surprise, they wanna eat our food. And Emma just lets them, otherwise we'll have to go out of our way, wasting time finding and shopping at a grocery store, since they refuse to eat at a restaurant. Ugh...

Monday, June 22, 2009

Confrontation in Camargue

Monday, June 22, 1:50pm. 6:50am Houston
We got to Camargue last night just before dark. Emma and I really wanted to stay in a hotel, because Camargue is marshlands, and therefore swarming with biters. But of course, the boys didn't want to stay in a hotel, because they never want to do ANYTHING. So we made them drop us off. We saw lots of pretty Camargue ponies on the way. We stopped and took pictures of some. By the time we were going to bed last night, Emma was talking about flying home early because she was developing a UTI. Naturally, this had me in a panic because that would mean I got stuck alone with the fags. So I talked her into telling the boys and finding a doctor the next day. This morning, the boys were extremely late picking us up from our hotel. Emma told them she needed to go to the doctor, and of course they bitched about having to find one. There was some kind of parade going on too, so there were people on horses riding all through the city, causing the roads to be blocked off in some areas. We found the tourist office and got a map. Then we went to a small doctors office. There was no reception area, and the waiting room was full. So, Emma asked the boys if they could run to the pharmacy and see if they could get some antibiotics without a prescription. They bitched some more and then stormed off. I had no idea what had been said since they were spaking Slovakian, but Emma told me to go with them. So I ran after them and just barely made it to the car as Davíd was starting the engine. Camargue is a small town, so the pharmacy wasn't far. If it hadnt been for the parade, we would have made it there and back in 5 minutes. So I went in and talked to the pharmacist, but sure enough, no prescription, no drugs. So I just got some over the counter stuff and then we headed back. Emma was heading in to see the doctor just as we arrived. I waited in the waiting room. The boys went back to the car. She was done in about 10 minutes, and then we had to rush back to the pharmacy before they closed for lunch. The boys pulled up to the intersection, and we jumped out and ran the rest of the way. The medicine she got was in powder form, so we had to get a bottle of water for her to take it with. We wandered a little ways in search of a place with water. Once we got some, she had to drink it. Then as we were walking back, Davíd appears out of nowhere, gesturing violently and screaming in rapid Slovakian. Then he stormed off just as suddenly as he'd appeared. Emma reported back that he was pissed cuz he thought we were shopping. When we got back to the car, Emma and Davíd yelled at each other in Slovakian for a while, and then she started walking off.
"Dude, what the fuck is your problem!?" I yelled at Davíd through the windshield, "She's sick! Chill the fuck out!"
He glared at me insolently. I hurried to catch up with Emma. She was headed toward the bathrooms. When we got back in the car, it was more heated Slovakian. Apparently they thought Emma was taking advantage of them by making them go to the pharmacy the first time. Wtf?? I told Davíd to shut the fuck up, there was no point in continuing to argue about something so stupid and inconsequential; complete bullshit. After a little while he started just stewing in silence, which was fine by me as long as I didnt have to here his petulent voice. Things have calmed down since then, but now we're just driving and I have no idea where we're headed.

Sunday, June 21, 2009


Sunday, June 21, 7:25pm. 12:25pm Hou
Emma and I got into a tiff in Monaco. My camera battery died, and I really wanted to stay in a hotel so we could charge it. She said, "We're sleeping on the side of the road tonight, honey" in a condescending tone that really pissed me off. I told her not to call me "honey", she said I was being bitchy, I said she needed to quit patronizing me, etc ect... I ended up walking off alone. We were on top of this huge mountain where the royal family lived in their palace and the view was gorgeous. I was feeling so alone, and frustrated, I could feel the tears pricking at my eyes. So I found a secluded spot, looked out at the beautiful view and called Brandon. It was so good to hear his voice. I miss him so much. He made me feel a lot better. After a while, Emma and Davíd came back. She acted as if nothing had happened and I followed suit. We havent argued since then.
However, we have not been getting along with the boys. I cant STAND Davíd! Hes such a thorn in everyone's side. An insufferable, controlling, know it all! I cant even stand the sound of his voice!! I'm so glad that when this trip ends, I will at least be as far away from him as possible. He totally bosses Stajno around; he acts like a jealous girlfriend with him! And for some reason, Stajno just takes it. But neither of them want to spend any money anywhere. Not restaurants, not hostels, not even a tent! Every night they sleep on the ground outside. And let me tell you, the nights here are FRRRREEEEZING! I'm talking like 25 mph 30 degree winds! They're so lame, I dont even know why they wanted to come! Both me and Emma take every opportunity we can to get away from them. Ugh. Oh, and I forgot to mention, Stajno was on antibiotics from the start of this trip. He's SICK. And CONTAGIOUS. And he and Davíd have been sharing everything, so we cant share any food with them cuz its all contaminated. And yet, they put their mouths and hands on practically all the food in sight! Its completely inconsiderate! ((Sigh!))
Anyways, that night in Monaco, we ended up camping on the side of the road at some small park. We woke up to find our tent was standing right next to a pile of human feces. How wonderful. But the boys got eaten alive by mosquitos that night. Emma and I couldnt help but be smug.
The next morning we drove to Nice, but the boys didnt wanna go into the city cuz they said it was "boring" and they'd already seen it, blablabla, they just wanted to go to the beach. So we parked on the seawall and went to the beach. Then after like 1 hr, they decided they were bored just sitting on the beach, and they wanted to go walk around. After they told us they didn't want to go walk around! Ugh.. So they left all their stuff and took off. Then, when Emma and I decided we wanted to go find a restaurant, and we were stuck with all their crap! We were going to put it in the car for them, till we saw their nasty, skid marked underwear! So we just left their stuff on the beach. I mean it's not our responsibility! Besides, who would want a crummy old blanket and some dirty mens underwear? So we took off into the city. Nice actually reminds me of California; the whole city is organized around the beach, similar houses, little historical architecture. So when we met back up with the boys, we decided to move on.
We went to Grasse, the capital of the world in perfume making. We stopped in a parfumerie, and got some gifts. It was really awesome, but of course Davíd was anxious to go. And even though Stajno was shopping too, looking for gifts for his mom, Davíd gave him dirty looks from the car, until finally, Stajno went outside to wait with him. So we had to leave earlier than we would have liked.
After Grasse, we went to see the grand canyon of Europe, which was amazing. We took tons of photos. Then onto Le Lac de St. Croix, which feeds into the canyon. Its this beautiful azure, turquoise color. We camped there for 2 nights. The first night, Emma and I walked up to the little village on the hill and got some delicious authentic French food. We even had snails! The food was amazing!
The next morning, Emma and I spent the whole day on the lake, just laying out and swimming. The water was cold, but refreshing. I even got a little sunburned that day. That evening we got back to camp and Davíd was being especially bitchy about something. Of course, they were all speaking Slovakian so I had no idea what they were talking about. Then, I later learned that the boys went to see the lavender fields that day, without us. Emma was practically in tears about it cuz that was literally the only thing she wanted to see the whole trip. Seriously, she talked all our ears off about it. And Davíd had said that it sounded "gay and boring" and he didn't wanna go, etc, and then he went and saw them without us just to be spiteful. So Emma and I talked about it and decided to not give Davíd the reaction he was hoping for. Instead, Emma coyly asked them if they wanted to drive up to the fields for a "romantic picnic". (Inward gag) Surprisingly, it worked!
The fields were breath taking. We took tons of pictures. I got one really good one that I'm super excited about. Afterwards, me, Emma and Stajno went to get crepes in the village. Davíd wasn't feeling well, so he didn't join us. Darn. I LOOOOOOVE crepes!! I could eat them for every meal! We had some wine too, and got a little tipsy. Then we walked back to camp and went sleep. I lost my necklace that day too. I put it in the tent that morning, but it must have fallen out sometime during the day. Oh well. Macy's.

This morning we woke up at 8:30, showered and packed up. The boys contaminated our bread so I didnt get any breakfast. I was not happy. We started off towards some small picturesque villages. On the way we stopped by a grocery store and Emma and I got our OWN groceries.
The villages were perfectly picturesque, but other than the photographs, not that exciting. We saw a monastery, more lavender fields, and the Fountaine de Vaucluse, which is a river that comes out of a rock. That was pretty anticlimactic, but cool I guess. Now we're on our way to Camargue to see their famous white horses, and hopefully get some riding in. Emma and I are both just about ready to go home. Not cuz we're tired, we're just sick of the boys! Every morning, they wake us up at the buttcrack of dawn with their horrible singing. I mean obviously they cant sleep past first light without a tent! They're annoying, inconsiderate and rude. They're contaminating all our food, and just driving us NUTS! I never thought I could look forward to going home so much. I just miss my friends, my family, my dog, and my man. And I cant wait to get away from Babydick and his girlfriend!! ((Sigh))

Thursday, June 18, 2009

1pm SK. 6am Hou
Just left our campsite. It was awesome. We left Tuesday morning about 8:30am and drove to Italy. We stayed at a campsite just outside Venice. It was right on the beach, so we went to the beach as soon as we set up our camp. The water was cool and blue and clear. We played cards with the boys till dark. Davíd was acting like a toddler and playing the game wrong. Then he got all mad at us when we told him to stop. What a doucher.
They had really nice bathrooms so I woke up early Wednedsay and showered. Then we headed to the ferry to go to Venice. Davíd was still all bent out of shape about the night before, and he kept making comments to Emma in Slovakian about my shoes and whatever else I was wearing. I had on flip flops. Wtf does he care!? So I was pretty pissed off. It's like everytime they talk in Slovakian and I hear my name, I wonder what they're saying about me. So Emma and I went to Venice on our own and the boys went to some of the other islands. Venice was beautiful. Its like a labrynth of canals and beautifully aged buildings with markets, shops, bakeries, apts, and stuff. We took tons of awesome photos. I cant wait to see them! When we got back to the campsite later, Emma and I bought a bottle of wine and went to the beach. We sat on our towels, talked and finished off the bottle. We were feeling pretty good when we got back to our site, so we decided to go check out the restaurants and the nightlife at the camping grounds. We met a couple nice guys who waited on us. They made our pizza heart-shaped and gave us free sorbet. Then they invited us to meet them for drinks after work. So we accepted and went back to our camp in the meantime. It was pretty quiet everywhere by now, and we could hear the boys wooping and hollering out on the beach, so we decided to sneak up on them. Turns out they were skinny dipping (fags)! So we stole their clothes, and ran back to camp. Hahaha. We left them ONE towel. To share! Then we sat in the shadows with our cameras and waited. Not too much later, we heard them coming. Our cameras were poised and ready and we took a sequence of shots of them running half naked with 1 towel around their waists! It was hilarious. Then we got scolded by security for being loud. Lol. The boys promised to get us back, but we locked our tent before dashing off to meet the waiters for drinks. We found them at a late night restaurant across the street, and had a drink with them. They wanted us to come out with them afterwards, but i could barely keep my eyes open. Not to mention I didnt want to lead these guys on, or they might come to expect things. Emma was pissed cuz I didn't wanna go, but I didn't care. We slept like rocks.
On our way to Monaco now. Davíd is still being a shit. His driving gives me headaches.
Cant wait to get there!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

11:20am SK, 4:20am Hou
Well we're on our way to Budapest! Just for the day, but I'm excited cuz we're finally going somewhere. Emma's friends, Stajno and Davíd, are coming with us to France, but they cant leave till Tuesday, so we decided to go to Budapest in the meantime. Friday night we went to a winery with Stajno, Davíd, Mikael and his girlfriend, Katya. We had 2 bottles and then decided to go to this dance club in a nearby town. Stajno's cousin, Paul drove us and I seriously thought we were gonna die. His driving is jerky, erratic, and on the verge of losing control. Apparently he has little experience. Anyway, we got pretty drunk, but it was fun. Saturday we had to check out of the hotel. We were both a little hungover. We spend the day at Emma's grandparents house, picking and eating cherries from the tree in the yard. Then we went for a walk up the mountain into the woods behind their house. It was a long, uphill walk. And we were exhausted when we got back, but it was pretty and I got some good photos.
So now we're on the road, on our way to Budapest. We're taking a bus tour, but its gonna be really fun. I'm excited!

Friday, June 12, 2009

Greetings from SK!

Well I'm here in Slovakia with Emma. Everything is going great so far. We're about to plan our trip right now. So I won't really be able to write much. My stupid luggage still isn't here though!!! It was supposed to get here last night at 6pm, but it never came, and then today, we called and they said my stuff never even left the states!!! How is that even possible?!?! Ugh!! But, Emma said not to worry, their airport is just really small, and it'll come today. So I really hope so. It's so cold here! I only brought one sweater, and not any long sleeve shirts, so I really hope it warms up. It's like 68 and windy today. But still sunny, so that's a plus.
I miss Brandon terribly, and Jasper too. I haven't gotten to talk to him yet, but I sent him an email last night. Of course, I'm in a completely different time zone now though.
Well, g/g!

Thursday, June 11, 2009

12:21am SK, Thurs, June 11, 5:21pm Hou
In a hotel now. Slept from 4 till about 10:30pm. Emma's apartment is being remodeled so we can't stay there. My luggage was supposed to arrive around 6 but it never came. Now i'm worried they lost it or something! But Emma says I'll get it tomorrow for sure. We've started talking about our trip and planning it out and stuff. It sounds so exciting! ((Sigh)) I miss Brandon and Jasper.
2:53pm Slovakia, 7:53am Houston.
I made it. Need sleep. Eating at a Slovakian restaurant with Emma. Neeeeed...fooood....sleeeep...

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Notes From My Trip...Pardon the Typos.

4:20pm Hou.
On the plane. Neck already hurts. I should've gotten one of those neck pillows Brandon was telling me about. The guy behind me is your typical loud obnoxious piece of white trash. He keeps cussing loudly, and calling over the flight attendant for who knows what. She doesnt like him. If I were her, I probably wouldnt like him either, but right now, he's my only form of entertainment. His shirt says "dirty ghetto kids". Heh.


OMG! I have the most exciting news! I'm sitting on my plane right now waiting to take off, but I just had to post about this. Brandon drove me to the airport, and I hugged him goodbye, told him to take good care of Jasper, and that if anything happens to me, I want him to know that I love him. And he said, "I love you too, Sweetheart." !!!

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

I'm leaving for Europe tomorrow.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Walls Come Crashing Down

"Ok. Start talking." I said to Brandon, who was sitting across the table from me.
We were at a sushi restaurant. Dinner was his idea, sushi was mine.
He sighed.
"I don't even know where to start." He said.
"How 'bout at the beginning?" I suggested.
"Ok... Well...let me start out first by saying that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I put you through all this. All I've done for the past few days is think about you, and what a huge mistake I made. I just felt...cornered, and I said all those things, and I didn't mean them. I realized that I've been holding back, and I haven't really been doing my part like I should have been, and that's what's been causing all our problems. And the problems we have are just...stupid shit."
He looked to me for a response.
"I'm not gonna say anything until you're totally done." I said, between sips of my iced tea.
"Ok, well, I just...I know what I need to do. I need to communicate with you more and tell you what I'm feeling, so that you don't have to guess, and you feel...better about things. And you know how you mentioned that wall that I put up? Well...that's gone now. I'm not gonna let anything come between us because...we could have a really great relationship, I've just been...screwing it up because I didn't want to let you get close."
"WHY??" I asked.
"I dunno... Because I was scared." He finally admitted.
"Scared of what??"
"I dunno...I just...I guess because in the past, I've done things right, and gotten stomped on. And it seems like every time I do the right things, and say the right things, the girl just...finds something else wrong, and breaks up with me. And it was never like I knew it was coming. It was just totally out of the blue." He said.
"Ok...well you can't punish me for your past."
"I know that. I know that. And I wasn't meaning to, it's not like I was doing it on purpose."
"Listen. If there's anything I've learned from my past relationships, it's that, you have to be fearless. Just because something goes wrong in one relationship, doesn't mean it will in the next. Just because you get your heart broken once, doesn't mean you lock it up tight so that no one else can get to it. You seem to live by the laws of self-preservation. You think it's either you, or them. In this case, either you get hurt, or I get hurt. And I was the one that got hurt. And I know why you did it. You were protecting yourself. But you can't do that! Because when you live like that, you end up pushing away the people that care about you, and possibly throwing away things in your life that could be really great. In life and in love, you have to be fearless. They go hand in hand. You can be the most successful person on Earth, but if you don't have anyone to share that with...it's worth nothing."
He nodded in agreement.
"You're right. You know, I didn't even think you were gonna meet me today. I didn't think you'd agree to come and talk to me. I just thought...'I fucked it up, and that's it'."
"Well... I'm here. Now I need to know what you want. What you want out of this, what you want from me." I said.
"It's not up to me, it's totally up to you." He said.
"Just tell me what you want." I persisted.
"I want to make this work." He said.
"Why?" I pushed.
"Because. I think it could be really great, and I care about you a lot. You're a good person. You have a good heart. And all I kept thinking all weekend was...How could I have let that go?"

I sighed.
"Well there's a couple things I need to know."
"When you look into your future, do you see me there?"
"Yea. I mean...I'm not in a rush to settle down right now, but I definitely see you in my future."
"Well define 'in a rush', because I'm not in a rush to settle down either, I just wanna find someone to share things with. I want someone to be there for me, through the good times and the bad times; somebody I can depend on. No matter what."
"So do I. And I do wanna get married and have kids someday, but there are just so many things I want to accomplish first, so that when I get to that point, I'm stable and ready for it."
"I understand. I feel the same way." I said.

"Well what else do you need to know?" He asked.
"Well, I need you to know a couple things. One, I will not do this again. If you want to be in a relationship, you can't just leave at the first sign of trouble. That's not how relationships work. When you have disagreements, you work them out, when you have fights, you work them out, you don't just grab all your stuff and chunk deuce. And if you ever do that again, don't bother calling me, or talking to me, because I won't speak to you. That will be it. This is the last chance I'm giving you. So you better not screw it up.
"Second, you have to stop telling me I expect too much from you. Because the bottom line is, even if my expectations were through the roof, which they're not, but even if they were, I don't think I should have to lower my expectations just so that somebody can meet them. If you really wanna be with me, then you should be trying your best to meet those expectations because you care about me. I will not lower my standards for anyone. And I realize that probably no one person is going to be able to meet all my expectations, but...as long as you try, that's what counts. And I don't even expect much!"
"Well what do you expect?" He asked.
"I expect you to be open and honest with me. About your feelings as well as everything else. I expect you to not only tell me, but show me how you feel. I expect you to treat me with respect. I expect you to not hide things from me. And I expect you to put in an equal amount of effort. I don't expect you to spend every spare moment with me. I don't expect you to profess your undying love for me, unless you truly feel that way. And I don't expect you to propose to me in the next year. Ok??"
"Ok." He said. "A lot of things are going to change. You'll see."
"I hope so. Because I remember how you were, when we first started dating. So attentive, and affectionate, and I liked that! But then one day, it just...stopped. And my mistake was, instead of demanding an explanation for your bipolar behavior, I acclimated to it. And I shouldn't have done that." I said.
"I know exactly what that was about."
"What?" I asked.
"You know what it was. Don't make me say it, I can't talk about it here."
"No, I seriously have no clue what you're talking about." I insisted.
"That was around the time when my...project started, and I just...didn't want you to become involved in that."
"Oh." I said, understanding just dawning on me.
"I still am that person, I've just been blocking it. And it will go back to being like that again," He reassured me, "But I can't quit now. We're too far into this for me to quit."
"I know, I know, I'm not asking you to quit. Even though I don't like it."
"Well it's almost over."

I was feeling much better about everything after our conversation. We definitely talked a lot longer and many other things were said, but those are the most important. He admitted he was wrong, he genuinely missed me, and he sincerely feels bad for what he put me through. And he's willing to change and put in more effort. After dinner, we went to a movie. He opened the doors for me, and took my hand when we sat down. He never stopped touching me through the whole movie. After the movie, we went back to my place and talked some more. We lay in bed and he held me, and finally, we kissed. And it was electric. Passionate. Not passionate like make-up sex passionate. Passionate like we've just overcome something great. Together. And it's made us closer. He stayed close to me all night, and we spent the whole day together today too. I feel whole again, and better than ever before. Because I know I don't have to be alone in this anymore. Our relationship actually stands a chance now that both of us are carrying it, instead of just me. And if he really has torn down his walls, who knows what could happen. I know they're not completely gone yet though, it will take some time. But so far, so good.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Multiple Choice Test

He wants me back.
I just know it.
We haven't actually talked yet, but there are plans to.
I just don't know what I'm gonna say, because...I haven't decided yet!
I know that I love him, and I miss him, but what I don't know is if he is right for me! I know most of you think that he's not, but in the end it's up to me to decide.

I never called him back this morning. I called Melissa and asked her advice. She said to wait until late in the afternoon. But he ended up texting me again before I even got to call him.
It was another "Hey how are you doing" text.
"I'm good, I've been at the pool all day with Melissa. I'm taking Jasper to class now. I was gonna call you afterwards." I said.
He said "Ok that's cool."
So I called him after class. He was eating out somewhere with one of his friends, and I could hardly hear anything he was saying. And I really wasn't in the mood for small talk.
"So...what did you wanna talk to me about?" I asked.
"Just about...everything in general and..." This is where I stopped being able to understand him.
"I can't understand you, hello?" I said.
"Yea, how 'bout you just call me back when you're somewhere that you can talk cuz, I can't hear you at all." I said.
"Ok then." He said.

And that was it. After Jasper's class, I headed over to my parents house. My Aunt Josie and 2 little cousins were on their way in from Louisiana, so I thought spending the night at my parents' house would be fun, and a good distraction. But before I even made it there, he texted me again.
"Do you wanna make this work out between us?"
As I was contemplating a response, he sent me another one.
"I know why I was driving you away."
Since I was driving, I couldn't respond as quickly as normal.
"I don't wanna have this conversation thru text messages." I said.
"I know, that's why I wanna meet with you when I get back [from Lake Charles]. I'm only going there for one day." He said.
"Ok well then let's just talk about it then." I said coolly.
"Ok I can't wait." He said.

He can't wait??? He better have had some sort of life-altering revelation or something! Because I don't see how he could have possibly changed in 4 days. And if we are going to work things out, a lot of things are going to have to change.
And here is the list:
1) I need him to open up and tell me how he feels. No more guessing.
2) I don't want to always feel like I'm being starved for attention.
3) I'm not gonna put up with the break up/make up thing anymore. I just can't keep doing this.
4) I'm not going to be the only one making all the effort anymore. He needs to make more time for me, make some plans, he needs to call me more, he needs to not keep everything to himself all the time.
5) No more telling me I "expect too much". I am right to have expectations, and those aren't going to change. I'm not going to lower my standards just so that he can meet them.
6) I don't wanna feel like I'm always prying, always asking too many questions. I shouldn't have to feel that way.
7) I need to know that he sees some sort of future with me, because I'm not going to continue to waste my time if he doesn't.

So those are the major things I'm going to address with him. Anything you guys think I should add?

I was right about my family being a good distraction. I had fun goofing off with Lily and Shawn. But apparently Brandon was just determined to keep my mind on him! He sent me a text around 11 that said, "Goodnight Sweetheart", and then another one at midnight that said he made it to Lake Charles alright and he misses me.
He's practically acting like we're already back together! What makes him think I'm just gonna go back with him!?
In fact...I just might have a date this week. I recently met a guy, who just moved here, fresh out of law school, really cute, really fun, very outgoing, and we totally hit it off on the friend level. I mean when we first met, things were fine with Brandon and I, so he was totally off my radar, but he came into the bar, and was just talking to me about how he doesn't know anyone in Houston. It was slow that night too, so I talked to him for a couple hours and he seemed really cool.
And now that I'm technically single, I'm free to hang out with whoever I want, completely guilt-free!
So me and Law School have tentative plans to hang out this week, away from the bar.
This should be interesting...