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Thursday, September 10, 2015

Misadventures in Central America: Part 2

Before I forget, Sophie and Brent got a legal divorce just before she moved to Guatemala. They were never a traditional couple with a traditional marriage, and I guess they both felt that a divorce was for the best. They're still like best friends, and Sophie still goes to Chicago to visit Brent whenever she comes to the states, so that's good. They respect and care for each other a lot, and I will always think of Brent as my brother-in-law. They're just not in love anymore I guess. I know somebody asked about that, so I felt the need to clarify. It just hadn't come up in any of my previous posts. Well, moving on...

So we arrived in Belize, FINALLY. I couldn't wait to just not travel for a couple days, and I had yet to even get tipsy on this trip! Placencia is like the Stars Hollow of Belize. For real. It's a small, quaint little town that relies a lot on tourism (obviously), but it's like everybody there knows each other. There is a long sidewalk (it was called the Boardwalk, but really I dunno why. It was just a sidewalk) that runs parallel to the beach. Between the sidewalk and the beach are tons of bars, restaurants, hostels, shops, and residences. So we started walking down it until we found our hostel. Some of Sophie's friends had recommended a place, and it was great. The proprietor lived above it, and it was basically just a huge room full of bunkbeds. There was a separate kitchen and bathroom, and a porch filled with hammocks. Luckily for us, there were only 2 other people staying there. A lady who came over on the boat with us, and one guy whose friends had already left. So we chose our beds, threw our stuff in a locker, and headed out exploring. I was in desperate need of a drink. Hauling 2 roller bags through sand is the literal worst.
We stopped at the first open restaurant/bar and sat down. Basically everything is outside there. So we were sitting on a covered patio, overlooking the beach. It was awesome. Now John had arrived in Belize a few days before, and had been working on his Master Divers Cert. So I sent him an iMessage from the restaurant wifi letting him know we had arrived and where we were so he could meet us later. But he was out on a dive that day and wouldn't be back for some time. I think it was like 5 o'clock when we got to the restaurant.
Now before I go any further, just a little bit of background. Prior to this trip, I hadn't seen John in...years. I'm not even sure how long, but years. And after he invited me to Belize and then flaked out on me like he usually does, I eventually got fed up and basically let him have it. I can't remember if I blogged about this or not, but we didn't speak for like months after that. This is how that conversation went:

September 12, 2014
Me: You know what's weird? Despite the fact that we are often in the same place at the same time, I often wonder if I will actually ever see you again.

John: Valid point. I swing in different circles now so it's getting harder. Truth is when I'm in Houston I spend a lot of time with my  brother.

Me: Well it's a shame we're not going to Belize....I guess you'll never see my boobs in person. ;)

John: I really wanted to go, but I haven't been as productive with work as I could've been. Procrastination is inevitable.
John: And damn. That does bring a tear to my eyes.

Me: Aren't you on vacation?? I don't think procrastination is your problem.

John: That's the thing. I am on vacation whilst trying to accomplish a few tasks for work. I had to take time off in order to actually get stuff done.

Me: You're a workaholic. Among other things...


John: Haha, true, and it's not quite the balance I would like. They're two extremes. Nothing is close to middle.
John: It kinda hurts having the idea in my head that it could be possible that I might see you.
John: I don't want that to happen

Me: Well then stop being so flaky and quit jerking me around all the time. Your fickleness is giving me whiplash. I don't like it. It's frustrating.

September 13, 2014
Me: Sorry if I came off bitchy last night, but I don't think you realize how exasperating you can be. Our relationship obviously crosses over the line of friendship, and sort of has for years now, so it's hard not to attach some sort of expectations to that. And I don't think me wanting to actually see you once in a while is expecting much, but what do I know? I guess what I'm saying is, you drive me crazy with your unwitting indifference, and...sorrynotsorry.

 I didn't talk to him again till January of this year. He never really responded to what I said either, he just went radio silent. So when he messaged me in January, it was to ask if I'd be willing to rent out half of my house for a weekend for him and some coworkers. No small talk really, and I was kind of cold towards him. Not rude, just not really open like normal. I couldn't rent him the house either because that was the weekend Jenna came to town, but whatever.

So after all that, I was willing to bury the hatchet when I found out I was going to Belize, so I invited him. But I wasn't really sure what to expect. I mean I basically assumed that whatever it was that had been between us at one time, was over. I mean I told him how I felt, and he didn't say or do anything to change that, so I figured that was it! We were just friends. And even though I was mad and frustrated about it for while, I got over it. I honestly did think/hope he might try to change my mind back then, or apologize, or I dunno, something. But he didn't. And I moved on. I stopped entertaining ideas of him in my mind, or thinking about how it might work out if we ever got the timing right. I just got off that train and didn't look back.

So now here we are in Belize. Sophie and I, at this restaurant/bar, on the patio, in front of a beautiful white sand beach, azure water sparkling in front of us, and margaritas in our hands. And there's a table across from us with 4 dudes sitting at it. And a couple of them are pretty attractive. It didn't take long for one of them to approach us. I can't even remember what farce they used as an excuse to talk to us, but before long, we were all sitting together. And we were having fun! They were all from the UK, and in medical school. I guess to get through medical school in the UK you have to travel somewhere, sort of like a sabbatical or something, and they chose Belize. There were girls with them too, but they weren't at the bar. Sophie was hanging all over this one guy, Chase. And I was sitting next to a guy named Ian. They were the 2 hot ones. Right away I texted Sophie to determine which guy she was gonna go for, and she said probably Chase, but sort of shrugged. So I texted back, "Ok, well I want Ian." And she said ok. So we did shots with them, and played games, and watched the NBA playoffs, cuz that was happening that week. Steph Curry vs. Lebron James. Unbeknownst to me, Sophie was getting hammered. Although, I was pretty buzzed myself so I guess I just didn't notice. Well finally one of the guys cops up to the fact that Chase has a girlfriend, which I found pretty disgusting considering how hard he was hitting on Sophie. But whatever.
Then, finally, John shows up. And it was a little awkward, because here I was flirting with this guy, and I didn't wanna totally neglect John. I don't think he was expecting to meet Sophie and I and 4 dudes. Lol. It was a total sausage fest. So I tried to split my attention between him and Ian, but it was hard. For one thing, Ian was drunk and all over the place, I was less drunk, but still obviously under the influence, and John was completely sober. I was trying so hard to NOT give Ian the impression that John was my boyfriend or something, while also trying to include John in the games and conversation. And that's really hard to do when you've been drinking. And during all this, I sort of lost track of Sophie. I mean she was still there, but we had moved to a bigger table, and like I said, all over the place. So when she came back to the table, I noticed she'd been talking to Ian, so I sent her another message, reinforcing the fact that I had dibs on Ian, and she had Chase! She nodded in acknowledgment. Then John and I walked over to the bar to get drinks and we started discussing plans for a snorkeling trip to the Cayes the next morning. Me and Sophie been having trouble finding somebody that would book us with just 3 people, and of course the British boys were leaving early in the morning. Lucky for us, a guy in the bar who has a boat and does tours overheard me, and offered to take us out! So we exchanged email addresses and planned to meet him at 7am (yikes!) the next morning.
So I go back to the table to tell Sophie the good news and I see that she's holding hands with Ian.

WTF??

I must have had a look on my face or something, because then John mentioned he saw them making out while we were at the bar talking to the tour guide. I must've had a rage blackout at this point, because I think I called Sophie a cunt. I mean, quietly, in her ear. I just remember hissing something like that in her ear when I got back to the table. Obviously I was pissed, and drunk. And wtf she's my goddamn sister! This isn't supposed to happen!

I was trying really hard to keep my cool, and I sent her another message that said something like, "WTF are you doing!? I told you I was going for Ian!" and she didn't respond. Chase had been begging everyone to run into the water with him for last 2 hours and finally I decided that sounded like a good idea. So I said let's do it, and all of us went in, with the exception of John. I think I just wanted to get away, or maybe I was looking for an opportunity to talk to Sophie away from everyone, I don't really remember what I was thinking. I was seeing red. But I ran into the water, with all of my clothes on, and when I got out, Sophie and Ian were fucking in the water. Yes, fucking. Fornicating, Smashing. Bumping Uglies. In front of everyone. It was not only a hurtful betrayal, but it was terribly fucking embarrassing!!! Everyone in the restaurant could see them, and they left their clothes on the beach. And remember how I said everyone knows everyone in Placencia?? UGhhhhh... By that point, I had had it. I was soaking wet, and cold, and pissed. So I said I was gonna call it a night, and I closed the tab. John offered to walk me back to the hostel. I said, "No, it's ok, you don't have to do that." But he pretty much insisted, so I let him, even though all I wanted was to be alone.
Then I had to walk all the way back with him trying to carry on a normal conversation, which was not easy. He came in and checked out the place, and then I pretty much told him I was going to bed and I'd see him in the morning for snorkeling.
"Do you think your sister's still going?" he asked me with a chuckle.
"NO." I said, "I really doubt it."

When I finally got in bed, it took me at least an hour to fall asleep, even though I was so tired. I just couldn't stop thinking about Sophie and Ian. I mean, it's not even about the guy, it's about her! She finds out the dude she likes has a girlfriend so she just nabs my dude!? WTF?! She knows how much I value loyalty in my relationships, almost above all other things, and she should have known how much that would hurt me. I was really angry on the surface, but deep down, I was crushed. It made me feel like I was in 7th grade again, when Sophie was "The Pretty One" and she was super popular, and I wasn't, and people were always comparing us. And the fact that Ian chose her over me was just salt in the wound. What a great way to start our visit to Belize.
Just as I was drifting off to sleep, I hear knocking on the door. Luckily I was the only one there at the time, or they would've woken up everybody! It was Sophie of course, loudly "whispering" my name from the door. She had locked herself out. Well I refused to get out of bed to let her in, because fuck her! That's why! She had 4 dudes who she could sleep with!
Well she got in anyway, I dunno how, and she had all 4 guys with her!! UGhhh... I pretended to be asleep and ignored them while they all got into beds. Until I was woken up by the sounds of Ian and Sophie fucking AGAIN!!!! FROM THE BED RIGHT NEXT TO ME!!!
I completely and totally lost my shit. I rolled over and screamed, "Are you seriously going to fuck in the bed right next to me?!?! If you're gonna act like animals, go outside and do it! No, you know what, never mind. I'LL leave!" And I stormed out in my pajamas and slammed the door as loudly as I could.
Funnily enough, I was sitting in one of the hammocks, fuming, when these 2 guys walked up smoking weed. So I smoked with them on the beach, and vented about my "slut sister" and then I felt much better. Lol. I don't remember going back inside or going to bed, but I do remember that 2 of the guys were asleep in one bottom bunk. Lol. There were like 5 open top bunks! I took a picture.
I guess this is gonna have to be a 3 part story, maybe even 4, cuz I have so much more to tell, but I'm tired of typing. So,

To Be Continued...


Tuesday, September 8, 2015

The Accidental Phone Call

Ok, as promised, Tinder Date #2. First of all, his name was Joshtin. Yea, like a mashup of Josh and Justin. Weird. But his profile was funny and sarcastic, so I thought we might get along. And he was really very funny via text! So we made plans to hang out on a Tuesday afternoon.
Well, shortly after we had made said plans, I accidentally butt dialed him. Ok, it actually wasn't a butt dial, I honestly don't know how I did it, but it was an accident! And it was pretty late at night. I wasn't with anybody or anything, I was just home in my bed, hanging out with the fur babies as per ush. But then I get a text from him... I'm just gonna paste the convo here.


































































So, as you can see from the conversation, I accidentally called him not once, but twice! Lol. But still, the texts were light and funny, which definitely didn't prepare me at all for what he would be like in real life. Which was very aloof, and very stingy with a smile. I'm serious! He didn't smile once on the whole date. In fact, he barely looked at me at all! He mostly just watched TV because Shark Week was on. I tried really hard to make conversation, but it was rough. Plus, he was a smoker, ugh. He was well dressed, and not bad looking, nice and tall, but he also seemed really full of himself, and my general impression was that he thought he was too good for everyone. Towards the end, he started talking about how much packing he needed to do for his business trip overseas, but that he would definitely call me when he got back. He never did of course. Meh, oh well. It clearly wasn't meant to be.
But while we're on the topic of dating, does anybody remember Lane? Well shortly after I moved to NOLA (which was over a year ago now, I can hardly believe it!), he sent me a facebook message. He went to Tulane, so he lived in NOLA for a few years and it's like his favorite city. So he said he just wanted to catch up and see how I liked it. And we've been talking ever since. He's in LA now, working in TV and also for UCLA doing something, I'm not exactly sure what. But we've talked casually, many times, about me going to Cali for a visit, or him coming here. He wanted to come for Jazz Fest, but had just started his job at UCLA so he couldn't take the time off, but he swears he'll be here for it next year. Part of me thinks I'm wasting my time with him, because he lives in fucking California, and what's the point? But another part of me feels like we're so compatible, that it would be stupid to write him off. I mean we actually talk on the phone and facetime each other now and then. We can talk about anything! And he's smart, and funny, and for me it's not all just about looks with him. I mean I am definitely attracted to him, but a lot of that attraction is not physical. And for me that's rare, because I'm kind of shallow. Lol. I mean looks aren't everything to me, but if I'm not physically attracted to someone, I just can't feel chemistry with them, ya know?
I don't see the harm in taking a trip out there, because there are other things I wanna do, and people I wanna see in California besides him, but I'm just worried that I'll get out there and like...fall for him, and then.... Then what?! I don't know! He doesn't seem like he's ready to make a commitment. But I don't know we haven't really talked about it. I don't mean we haven't talked about "Us", I mean we just haven't talked about whether he's in a place to commit to anyone. And I don't think he is. I could be wrong, but he is a couple years my junior. But even if he was like, "Let's try the long distance thing", I don't know if I want that. ((Sigh))
But he has definitely expressed interest, and attraction, and we sort of hashed out everything that happened with us before. I mean he kinda just stopped talking to me, and I was confused and upset, but we hadn't been serious enough for me to be heartbroken about it, so I just got over it. He said he had already made up his mind to leave for grad school (he ended up at NYU), so he already kind of had one foot out the door, which is why he didn't wanna form any attachments. Makes sense. He's a very logical person, not the type to let his emotions rule him. Unlike me... But I think I've gotten better about that. Maybe not. I just analyze everything.
Well this is what I know: I like him. I like him a lot. And I think that I could like him a lot more, but I'm maintaining arms length because of the distance, and because I'm not sure if he really feels enough about me to pursue something, or if this is just a casual phone flirting thing to him. I think he's interesting, funny, intellectual, and good looking. We used to have a lot of fun together. I think we still can. And I think our personalities mesh well, because I can ask him almost anything, talk to him about almost anything, and there's no awkwardness. So that eliminates a lot of guesswork. Who knows if that would carry over into a relationship though. It definitely wasn't like that when we were dating (or whatever you wanna call it) before.
Well. That's it. I just don't know what to do about him in general. I really wanna ask him how he actually feels/could feel, but I don't wanna freak him out. Maybe I'll just ask him anyway, and preface it with, "Don't freak out but..." lol.
Thoughts? Advice? Suggestions?? Anybody? Beuhler?

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Well my grandma passed away this evening. So I will probably be making a trip to Houston in the next couple of days. Just to clarify, this is my paternal grandmother. My maternal grandfather passed away in February. So they weren't married. Different sets of grandparents. My paternal grandfather passed away almost 2 years ago, when I was still in Chicago. And since my grandma had Alzheimer's, she would often forget that her husband was gone. At least they're together now. I'm partly relieved, because I don't have have to worry about her anymore, and she's in a better place. But I'm just really, really said. She was the brightest most positive person. She never lost her spirit or kindness, or her sense of humor, even when it got rough for her. She was witty, and sweet, and everybody loved her. Even though I hadn't seen her in a while, the world is a little less bright without her, but I know there's a new star twinkling somewhere up in the sky. The next couple weeks are going to be rough. I prefer to grieve privately, and I'm not close with most of my dad's family, and I know it's dumb, but I don't want to cry in front of them. The whole experience is gonna feel like trying to hold in a huge fart. Ugh. I'll be so relieved when this is all over.