Monday, January 30, 2012

Date at the Diner

Thursday and Friday at work totally sucked. So by Saturday, I was ready to let loose. Work was actually decent, and Brazil texted me early on, asking if I could come over later. He had his surgery or whatever on Thursday, and had been bored at home ever since. So he said he could use some company. He was pretty sore, and the doctor told him he should stay home and take it easy. So, since Brazil lives right down the street from work, I headed to his place when I got off. We hung out for a little bit and talked. He looked pretty worn out, hadn't shaved in a couple of days, and I could tell he wasn't feeling too hot. So we went to bed shortly afterwards. But once we were in bed, things started to sort of heat up... I told him maybe he should just take it easy what with his kidneys and all, but he said he would be ok. So we had some more awesome sex! Then we cuddled and finally fell asleep shortly before 6am.
The next day, we didn't wake up till around 1! He said he had band practice, and I had a lot of piano practicing to do myself, so I decided to head home. But as I was leaving, Brazil asked if I wanted to get dinner later. I smiled and told him sure.
So I spent the rest of the day practicing and laying around the house, till he texted me to make plans. We met at a small diner halfway between both of our houses and had dinner and milkshakes. It was great! And then we both just went our separate ways and went home. Even though we went dutch, I'm still counting it as an actual date. I'm liking him more and more every time we hang out.
His ex is apparently still a problem though... On Saturday night he mentioned that she had called him, but of course, he didn't wanna talk about it. And I didn't press him for details. If he says he doesn't have any intentions of getting back with her, I'm just going to take his word for it. For now anyway. Besides, I'm not going to put all my eggs in one basket just yet. Brazil and I aren't exclusive or anything, so I'm still keeping my options open.
School started today and I had one class at 1pm. It wasn't bad, but Tuesdays and Wednesdays are gonna be rough. I've got 9am classes, and that means I have to get up at 6, which has never been easy for me with my schedule. I'll be lucky if I'm asleep by 2am tonight! ((Sigh))...

Thursday, January 26, 2012


So the other night after I blogged, I heard back from Brazil. He wanted me to come over and smoke with him. I hadn't smoked in a while, so I said sure. So I powdered my nose, spritzed on a little perfume and headed over there. I already knew he lived right down the street from Sophie and Brent, but it was my first time going to his place.
When I got there, he led me down some stairs, to a cozy little one bedroom apartment. We sat down on his couch, and he put on some tunes and loaded a bowl. We smoked a little and started talking about you know, whatever, small talk. Then the weed started to kick in. And all this time, I'd been thinking about all the stuff I really needed to talk to him about, and how I wasn't even going to kiss him until we'd actually had a conversation. So when he tried to kiss me, I stopped him.

"What? You're not going to kiss me?"

I couldn't help but giggle, in my present state of mind.

"Not yet. I wanna talk to you first."

"About what?"

"Well...I feel like maybe you've gotten the wrong impression of me."

"What do mean? I feel like I'm still getting to know you."

"Yes. You are, but..." I was having a hard time articulating what it was I wanted to say to him. And he kept looking at me very intensely and it was making me laugh. Lol.

"Look, I promised I would be honest with you, so whatever you want to know, just ask." He took my hand and I couldn't help but smile.

"Well, there are just a few things I want to be really clear about."


"I just...um...I don't like to play games, I know I already told you that, but I just hate feeling like there are things that I wanna say, but I can't because you know, I'm not supposed to or whatever, and I just don't want you to think-"

"You're worried that I think you're easy or something?"

"No! Well...sort of, but probably not in the way that you're thinking"

"Cuz I don't think that all! Quite the opposite actually. I think you're really tough."

"Just...let me finish. Sorry it's taking me so long to say this. This whole conversation is seeming like it's a much bigger deal than it really is just because I'm high and I can't talk." I laughed, again. Lol.

"Well it's nice to see you smile, and to see you laugh." He smiled at me and tried to kiss me again, but I still wouldn't let him.

"Stop!" I said through giggles.

"What? You don't wanna kiss me?"

"It's not that I don't wanna kiss you! I just wanna finish this conversation first."

He sighed, "Ok."

"Ok. So what I was saying was, I'm just not a very patient person, and I like to know what's going on, because I feel like I don't want to just wait around for something that's never going to happen. I mean I can be patient, if I know I'm actually waiting for something, in the end, but...

"I know what you mean, and I know things seem to be moving kind of slow, but that's just because school started this week for me, and I've got my surgery Thursday..."

"No, no, that's not it. I think the pace is fine, it's not that! I just...I don't want to be your rebound."
He paused as if he was really thinking about what I'd said.

"I...never thought about it that way."

"Well, of course you didn't. And that's exactly why I have to think that way. It's just...I know you recently got out of a relationship, and my last breakup was...messy and confusing, and it took me over a year to get over it, and if you have any residual feelings for your ex, then I just don't want to get in the middle of that. I don't just wanna be that girl that's distracting you from the way you really feel about her."

"Listen, I know I have some stuff to deal with still, but I don't have feelings for her anymore. I mean I'm still upset about what happened, but I've moved on to a new chapter in my life, and I'm looking ahead. She's just driving me crazy because she broke up with me but now she wants me back! And she's saying she regrets everything, and putting all this pressure on me and it's just annoying! I mean I don't understand why she did it in the first place. It's like, 'You broke up with me!'  And you know it's like the first time I was dumped, that's the worst, right?" (He laughed at his own joke there and I smiled), "It's just...bothersome. I don't have feelings for her anymore like that. I'm sorry for making you deal with all my baggage."

"Don't apologize. You're not making me do anything. I wouldn't be here if I didn't wanna be."

And then he leaned in and I let him kiss me, finally. And then we talked, smoked, laughed and played some more. And then I asked him to play me a few songs on the guitar. He's really good too! So hot...and then finally, we had sex. And OMG he is like really, really good in the sex department! I mean last time when he went down on me was...wow, but the sex was...also wow. I mean he is very well endowed first of all, and second he's so...passionate, and uninhibited, and so in sync with me. He's not a selfish lover at all. He's very eager to please. It was amazing. Then we laid there and just talked for like hours! Mostly about music, but about other stuff too. And finally we went to sleep, in each others arms. ((Sigh)) It was wonderful. I really like him. I really feel like this could go somewhere. It all just seems so...effortless.

Tonight I went to dinner and then the improv theater with Sophie to see a couple shows. And guess who I saw there?? Lane. It was only a little bit strange. He looked good. We exchanged "hey how are yous" and that was about it. I wondered what it would be like to date him again, and then I thought of Brazil and just smiled to myself at my good fortune.
Anyway, Sophie and I had a lot of fun. One last hoorah before school starts Monday. Then things are gonna start getting hectic for me again. I hope Brazil and I can still manage to find time to hang out.
So just one question for all my readers out there... Do you believe Brazil? About the ex thing I mean? Or should I be more cautious?

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Just Girls!

AHHH! Today was so much fun! I went shopping with 2 girls from school, Katy and Sami. They were both in my photo class last semester. Then we went and ate afterwards. We had such a blast. We were at Nordstrom Rack, and we all picked out really shitteous outfits and made each other pose in them. Then we took photos. I felt like I was 17 again. Although, they are both 19 so maybe that's why. Lol. It might seem a little weird, me hanging out with girls that are almost 10 years my junior, but I am pretty immature for my age. LOL. But it was so nice to just go out and have fun with the girls. I miss doing that! And I got some realllly awesome steals today! I picked up this great pair of Carrera shades which I am now obsessed with (as seen on model below!) and a new pair of cords. So all in all, success!

Brazil texted me earlier, asking if I had any plans tonight. I told him I was shopping with the girls, but no plans later. He hasn't responded, but he's still in class for another...30 minutes? So we'll see if I hear from him again. I actually haven't seen him since that night he came over. We just keep missing each other I guess. But he's going to the hospital surgery to have a sound wave shock treatment done to one of his kidneys (he has kidney stones) so he said next week he would be taking it easy, and recovering, and that he should have plenty of time so we can "do something". Whatever that means. We shall see...
I gave my number to another really hot guy that came into the bar Saturday night. I mean really hot. Like maybe even too hot to not be a huge douche. But then he actually texted me! Like only two hours after I gave him my number!! So we texted back and forth a little bit, and basically came to the conclusion that we have completely opposite schedules and will never see each other again. Lol. Unless I get a Friday or Saturday night off. And I don't see that happening any time soon... ((Sigh)) Oh well. At least I'm putting myself out there. I guess all it takes is a little bit of flirting and a little bit of confidence. Guys dig that shit. Well I gotta go practice piano now. Toodles!

Saturday, January 21, 2012

No Place To Sleep

**WARNING** This post contains many capital letters and expletives. 

So after much deliberation, you have all convinced me not to reach out to Melissa. And I agree, it's best to just leave it alone. It's not like I want to rekindle our friendship or anything, and she was a shitty friend. So I'm not going to contact her.
In other news, I had a couple of house guests since Wednesday night. One of my oldest (literally the friend I've known longer than all my other friends!) friends and her boyfriend came to stay. Margaret and Joseph. They are both in their last semester of medical school and were in town for residency interviews. I had only met Joseph once before, but he's a lot of fun, and I really like him. When I was in Houston over Christmas, I saw Margaret at church and she mentioned that she would be in Chicago in January and I told her she could stay with me. But I didn't find out till the day before they got here that they were coming. So anyway, I met them at the airport Wednesday afternoon, and then we went out to dinner, and I took them to the improv theater for a show. It was a lot of fun! I took the couch upstairs, and gave them my room for the weekend. Luckily I had just cleaned my room and changed my sheets, so it was a pretty no-stress situation. Until last night that is...
I informed both of my roommates, that I had company staying till Saturday morning, and that until then, I would be sleeping on the couch in the TV room. I had a bed made up in there, and my pillow and everything. Well then Dane told me in an email that he was having a bunch of people over Friday night. So I wrote back that that was cool, but that I would still be sleeping in the room upstairs, but that I was working Friday night so it probably wouldn't be a big deal. But then I got home last night and there was someone sleeping on the fucking couch!! I was so mad I wanted to scream!! There I was with my pajamas and all my stuff from work and I literally had no place to go! Not to mention the place was a total disaster, complete with food and booze left out, and the furniture dragged every which way apparently to accommodate Dane's large party. So I texted Sophie to see if I could crash with her. No answer. So I texted Abbie. No answer. I was seriously so fucking pissed. Even if I decided to lay down on the fucking table and go to sleep, I had no pillow and no blankets, because Dane had apparently taken my pillow out of the upstairs room, and thrown it back on my bed, and the blankets were being used by the passed out drunk guy. UGHHHH!! It makes me mad all over again thinking about it!
I mean seriously?! I know he owns the condo and all, but I told him I was going to be sleeping in there! That's why I left my pillow! He could have at least texted me that someone was gonna be there so I didn't walk in like, "WTF?" when I got home!
So I went downstairs and grabbed this dirty, stinky old white blanket that Jasper sleeps on when it gets cold, because it was the only thing I could find, and went to sleep on the chair. The non-reclining, really small chair. Luckily I had my sleeping mask in my purse. So I attempted to go to sleep, until about 5am when Dane got up to go to work and set of the FUCKING FIRE ALARM!!!! He's a fucking fire fighter for god's sake, and he keeps the fire alarm sitting on top of the kitchen cabinets NEXT TO THE STOVE!! It says right on the back of the alarm that you're not supposed to keep it in the kitchen, or next to any open flames!! How does he not get this?!?!!
Now I'm really fuckin' pissed. Then at about 7, Dane's stupid, annoying, loud ass fucking girlfriend comes up the stairs and starts having a conversation (i.e. shouting match) with Passed Out Guy literally right behind me. Umm...hELLO?!! Do you not see me here trying to fucking sleep!?!


I FUCKING HATE DANE'S GIRLFRIEND. She has apparently never heard of an "inside voice" because she wakes me up literally every time she sleeps over. And wtf, I'm back in my bed now, because Margaret and Joseph just left, and Dane also threw all the old couch throw pillows on my floor! WHY would he do that?! He couldn't just throw them on the new couch (you know, the one I was supposed to sleep on!?) in the other room??
I'm disgusted. And very disappointed in humanity. And currently accepting new ideas for revenge. Anybody got any ideas??

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Feeling Too Sentimental?

So I'm getting my haircut tomorrow, and I was talking to Sophie about it, and she sent me a link to one of my old photos on facebook of Todd and me at the Superbowl afterparty. I had just gotten a haircut, it just brushed my shoulders. I didn't like it, I remember. I was in a total state of panic because I had no idea how to style it! Well anyways, underneath that picture was a comment, from Melissa. Remember her? Since I blocked her, ages ago when I cut ties with her, there's no picture, and no link to her profile, but the comment is still there. It said, "You look so beautiful. I love your hair!"
And right then in that moment I just...thought about her. You know, wondered what she's up to, how she's doing, etc. Last I heard she was moving somewhere 4 hours away from Chicago. But I never looked into it or anything, and never asked why. It was just something a mutual friend of ours wrote on my page in passing.
So I signed out of my facebook account and logged into Amanda's account. You guys probably won't remember her, she was someone I met through Melissa a long time ago. Really sweet girl, but we didn't stay in touch. Anyway, ages ago she shared her login info with Melissa and I so we could stalk our exes or some shit like that...
So I logged onto Amanda's profile and looked Melissa up. And as it turned out, she's now living in Madison, Wisconsin, and engaged! And believe it or not, I actually felt happy for her. After everything that happened...I still felt kinda proud of her in a small way. That she finally got out of her parents house and moved all the way across the country. Plus I can relate to that. Moving really far away from home...
So I thought to myself, You know what? Maybe I'll just drop her a line.
And I started to type out an email. This is what it says:

Hey Melissa,

I know I'm probably the last person you expected to hear from, but I heard you moved to the midwest, and that you're engaged. I know we aren't friends anymore, but I just wanted to tell you that I don't harbor any ill will towards you and I'm happy to hear you're doing well. I wish you all the best.

That was as far as I got. Then I started to wonder if it was even a good idea to send her a message, so I asked Sophie about it. She had some very interesting insight on the matter...

Me: do you think it would be a bad idea for me to reach out to Melissa after all this time?
Sophie: yes.
i have experienced times of weakness/loneliness/curiosity when i have considered reaching out to people i cut ties with, but ultimately, i always realize that i cut those ties for a reason
Me: lol, well i just found out that she moved a few hours away from here, and she's engaged
and i actually feel kind of glad for her
i don't want to be her friend again or anything
Sophie: that's good to feel glad for her i guess
but i think you have to ask yourself if you think she could actually contribute anything positive to your life?
or what reaching out to her would accomplish
Me: well...i just thought it might be nice to just say hey, glad to hear you're doing well
Sophie: i suppose you could do that...but i think it would invite further contact
which would probably lead to drama
and the other negative contributions she wreaked upon your life*  
*I actually missed this little gem during our conversation and just read it for the first time upon pasting it here, and now I am laughing.
Me: i don't know that SHE could actually contribute anything positive to my life, but i kind of feel like just mending that broken bridge, even only a little bit, might contribute something positive to my life
my 10 year reunion is this year ya know
if i go, i'm sure i'll see her
Sophie: i would, if you can, mail her something that says that
and don't include a return address
Me: well i don't know her address or anything..
i mean i was just thinking an email
Sophie: obviously, it is up to you
Me: but you think it's a bad idea?
or that i'd be asking for trouble?
Sophie: i mean, if how things were left is a source of regret for you
then maybe you should do it
Me: no...its NOT a source of regret
i mean she caused so much fucking drama in my life
Sophie: but i don't think i would let it go farther than one email
Me: and when i stopped talking to her everything got a lot simpler
Sophie: right, so you don't owe her anything
Me: it's not that i feel i OWE her something
i just feel like patting her on the back and saying, "good for you"
Sophie: i think if you reach out to her, it might send HER the message that you DO regret it and then she will think that you did things wrong and are now sorry for it and she is free from blame
Me: oh
i didn't think of that
Sophie: which, then, will teach her nothing
Me: yea...i guess that's true
it's not like i could send her something that says, "hey i'm glad we're not friends anymore, but i'm happy for you too"
Sophie: i mean, if you see her at the reunion, you could approach her and tell her you're happy for her and leave it at that

So that's the end of that. Do you think it's a bad or good idea reach out to Melissa??

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Brazil's Got Baggage

In my practically post-coitus bliss Monday morning, I forgot to mention a few things regarding Brazil...
He finally came clean to me about his ex. His very recent ex... Apparently everything was copasetic until got a job promotion at the bank she works at. That was about a month ago. Then suddenly started "freaking out" and being a total bitch to him. Then on top of that, one of Brazil's friends committed suicide and she told him he was making too much of a big deal out of it. [WTF?!?] So they had a blowout and she ended things. According to him, this happened in the same week that we met. So obviously not a lot of time in between... And when he was here, he told me he was really dreading having to go over to her house the next day and pick up his stuff. He said he's not over it yet; that he's still angry with her for the way she treated him. And I mean I can totally understand that but...it's not something I wanna have to deal with either way.
So Monday night while I was at work (it was totally dead) he sent me a facebook message and I asked him about it. Here's our conversation...

Me: So how was it today?

Brazil: tough

Me: That sucks. I'm sorry.

Brazil: its cool, its just gonna take time to get over all of it

Me: Was she at least nice to you?

Brazil: yeah, she regrets it...putting pressure on me and stuff, i kinda dont wanna talk about it if you dont mind.

Me: np

Brazil: im sorry about bothering you with my baggage, its been too recent

Me: you're not bothering me. i'll let you know if you do. you know me, i don't put up with a lot of bullshit ;) and everyone has baggage.

Brazil: i get that, and as i promised i'll always be honest with you
i always tell people, I'd rather have someone hating me once for being honest, than hating me forever for being a liar. I just need to go slow, thats all

Me: good to know

Brazil: I had a good time last night :)

Me: me too

So that pretty much sums up our conversation on that topic. I just hope he doesn't still have feelings for her, or loose ends that he hasn't tied up concerning their relationship. Because I don't want to be his rebound, and I don't want to get in the middle of any drama. ((Sigh)) Should I be concerned?
I mean I understand where he's coming from, it's just....scary.

Monday, January 16, 2012

The Perfect...

Finally saw Brazil last night! He came over and we ordered in and watched Harry Potter. His flight had been delayed due to plane issues, so he just got in yesterday morning and both of us were too tired to go anywhere, which is why we decided on the movie. And he was the one who picked Harry Potter! Lol, it was the The Order of the Phoenix, since he's seen the first four, but he kept asking me questions the whole time! Lol. We were downstairs watching the movie in my room, cuz I didn't wanna disturb the roommates. Anyway, about halfway through the movie, he started getting sleepy.
"Help me stay awake!" He said.
"Do you want me to slap you?" I teased.
"No! There are other ways you can keep me from falling asleep."
"And what might those be?"
"Well, there's this..."
And he leaned in and kissed me. It's funny cuz he kissed me right at the part where Harry and Cho kissed for the first time. Lol. So we even had kissing music. Lawlz... But damn, he is a really, really good kisser. He kept running his fingers through my hair, and caressing my face. Eventually we made it through the whole movie, granted I had to keep pausing and rewinding due to his kissing and questioning, but we finished it!
And then it was back to kissing. And then that started to lead to other things...
I didn't stop him when he got to second base, but then as he was rounding third I hesitated.
"Let me do something for you..." He whispered to me in that sexy accent of his.
I sighed and caved.
Oh. My. God...
I thought guys that enjoyed going down on girls were just a myth. But they're real! And it was like...mind-blowing good. I mean...wow. I'm getting chills just thinking about it now. I was practically in a state of paralysis afterwards. Then he told me he really likes doing it, and that he would do it again if I'd let him! Lol. He also said women are complicated and special, and that it's flattering if you can give a woman an orgasm. G's, I would be more than happy to oblige him any time after that performance!
So I just laid there a while and he was running his fingers across my skin everywhere, giving me goosebumps. The way he touched me it was like...it was like...so tender, like he was genuinely fascinated or something. Maybe I've just forgotten what it feels like to be spoiled. But here I am talking all about the sexy stuff, and not about the conversation, which was also amazing. I learned a lot about him, and he definitely calmed my fears about a lot of things regarding him. The band thing, the age thing, and otherwise. Apparently he usually dates older women because he said he doesn't have the patience for the younger girls, or something like that. Lol. And he kept telling me I was beautiful, and that I'm a great person and he loves talking to me. Ok now I'm just gushing. But really it was like the perfect night. Perfect. He stayed and we cuddled and he gave me backrubs. :)
I can't wait to see him again.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Put Out

Well I tried calling Evan once last night, and once today and he still hasn't answered. I left him a funny message today though so maybe...
Last night Matt and I made some tentative plans. I asked what he was doing, and he said he had a work dinner thing, but that he was free after, and he didn't think it would last too long. So I told him I might be out, and to text me if he wanted to meet up. He said, "For sure, I'll keep you posted."
So then I went and showered, put on makeup and fixed my hair, and he ended up not texting me again till 12:30am! He said his work thing ran late and he was just gonna go home and go to bed. I was already in bed by that point cuz I got so tired. So of course, I got all ready to go for no reason and ended up just staying home. I thought maybe I'd hear from him today, but I didn't. :(
I'm still hoping that maybe he'll show up at the bar sometime this weekend though. Everyone keep your fingers crossed for me! I'm at the point now where this whole thing with Matt could go south, really quick. As in, if I don't hear from him soon, I'm gonna just assume he's not interested and forget about him. At least...try to forget about him. But I'm gonna make sure I look really hot at work this weekend just in case.
I am actually really looking forward to Brazil coming home. He gets in on Saturday, as opposed to Sunday as I had originally thought, so he said he might stop by the bar that night, if he isn't too tired from the flight. Just one more reason to look superhot for work this weekend! At least one of them better show up! I'm so sick of going out of my way to do shit for guys when nothing comes out of it. i.e. getting waxed and going back on birth control before I went home for Christmas so that Gavin and I could hook up which never happened!!! I'm still pissed off about that, and I'm just done. I mean we had a great thing going for a while there, but I'm not going to let anyone continuously blow me off and then expect me to just be available at their earliest convenience. Fuck that!
That's the one good thing about Brazil. I feel comfortable enough with him now that I can really tell it like it is. And if he really likes me then he's going to have to satisfy some of my uneasiness and answer some of my questions. But he knows I'm a pretty no-nonsense person, and so far it hasn't scared him off. I just hope it isn't awkward, or disappointing when we finally see each other again. I guess I'll know after this weekend. If I don't see him Saturday, I'm sure I'll see him Sunday.
Well I'm off to bed. The sky has been vomiting snow all day and I still haven't warmed up from my walk home from the train. My covers are beckoning...

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

An Old Friend

I just remembered that last night I had a dream about Evan. His birthday was a couple days ago. I can't remember much about the dream, except that he and I were hanging out together. And we were having a good time. And I woke up sad. I sent him a text message that said, "Happy Late Birthday!" He never responded, of course. I don't know why I can't just get over the fact that he and I aren't friends anymore. It just really, really hurts. He's such a great guy, so funny, and a lot of fun. He was like my best guy friend, other than Todd. I think about him every time I watch Seinfeld. And I just wanna be like, "Hey Evan, remember that episode where-" but I can't. Because he basically broke up with me. Like...friend dumped me. I wanna tell him how much it hurts that he did that, but I don't know if he'd even answer my phone call! He didn't even try to get in contact me when I moved to Chicago. ((Sigh)) Maybe it's his wife. Maybe she knows we have a weird past. Maybe she doesn't trust me or feel comfortable letting Evan hang out with me or something. But to me, all that stuff that happened between us doesn't matter anymore. I just wish I could have my friend back. You know what? I'm going to try calling him right now...

Home Again

Well I am home at last! My sleep schedule is totally thrown off now due to the early mornings and the time change in Orlando. So I woke up on my own this morning at 9:30! I know that probably doesn't seem very early to you guys, but I'm a bartender, remember? Lol.

So anyway, Matt has kept in touch with me intermittently over the past week. I've been letting him make the first move each time, so he's always the first to text me, and I just respond. But yesterday I sent him a funny picture of Ron Swanson (we both ♥ Parks & Rec). Then like 5 hours later, he sent me another funny picture back, and I wrote something like, "Omg that's awesome." And he hasn't responded since.

On Saturday, when Lexi and I were at Disney World, he texted me saying he was going to stop by my bar the night before, but then remembered I was at Hogwarts. Lol. So I told him I would be back Tuesday. So he definitely knows I'm home. I'm hoping maybe I'll get to see him today, but I'm not going to hold my breath. The ball is in his court now.

As for Brazil, we're still talking, even though he's been getting on my nerves a little bit over the past couple weeks. I don't want to take any of our conversations too seriously, since they're all just facebook chat, and a lot can get lost in translation. Plus it's often hard to tell when someone is joking or being serious via text as opposed to actually talking. So I'm not going to rule him out just yet. Anyway, I talk to him a lot more than I talk to Matt. And he actually told me he wants to take me out to dinner when he gets back. So hmmm... I just need to find out more about his background. Hopefully that won't be so hard once we're in the same country. He gets back on Sunday I'm pretty sure.

Well my trip was awesome! Lexi and I had so much fun! We got into all the parks for free, except Disney, because my Uncle works in the hotel industry and has so many connections! In fact, we could have gotten free Disney tickets too, but he just couldn't get hold of the guy who could get them. But the trip was great. It was Lexi's first real trip without her parents. She just finished her first semester of college. So I let her call most of the shots since it was my second trip to Harry Potter World. But we managed to do and see everything we wanted to. And of course, my Uncle said we are welcome back any time. And of course it was great meeting my new cousins! The baby is soooo adorable. The most happy, chill baby ever!

Speaking of babies, I talked to Izzie last night, and she told me she and her husband are trying to get pregnant again. OMg! Soon the rest of my friends will follow suit. It's hard to believe really. ((Sigh)) Well I don't envy any of them. I like kids, but they aren't for me. I just don't have that mothering instinct. I mean I like to play with them and stuff, but I don't have the patience, or the desire to put my own wants on hold for a kid. Maybe that's selfish, and maybe I'll change my mind someday, but I doubt it. Lol.

Well I'm gonna go be super productive and catch up on all the TV I missed this past week. LOL. Ciao!

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Orlando or Bust!

Ever been so tired, you felt drunk?? That was me and Lexi last night. Omg...Thursday Harry Potter World, Friday Sea World, Saturday Disney World. We've had a crazy couple of days! We were at Magic Kingdom for 13 hours yesterday!!! Today is relax day. Lol. The weather here in Orlando is amazing and we've been having so much fun. Tomorrow we're going back to Harry Potter World, and then Tuesday, it's back to Chicago. :(
Matt actually did text me on Thursday. We chatted almost all day! He didn't believe I was really at Harry Potter World, so I kept sending him pictures, and he kept saying I probably just found them on facebook. Lol. I haven't heard from him since Thursday, but I've been pretty busy with other stuff, so I'm not gonna worry about it. Brazil and I have been chatting online pretty frequently though. He actually really pissed me off the other night because he started this debate over who's a better wizard: Gandalf, or Harry Potter. And I was like, You're not supposed to compare the 2!! They are 2 completely different stories, written in 2 completely different worlds, in 2 completely different time periods!!! So why do you have to make comparisons?! Then he posted a status on facebook, which he tagged me in, saying he was arguing with me over who was better, and then of course millions of people were commenting on it, talking shit about Harry Potter... Ugh. He hasn't even read any of the books! Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings! I've read all of them, and I'm sorry, but I enjoyed reading Harry more. And that is just my personal opinion!, which I am, of course, entitled to, and I don't expect anyone else to share! But don't talk shit to me about Harry Potter if you want to remain friends. Lol. I warned him, but he just didn't listen. So I signed off facebook chat, and refused to talk to him for a day. Lol. He sent me millions of apologies, and posted on my wall and everything. It was pretty funny. The next day I told him I was over it, but that I hope he learned his lesson.
Anyway, I'm not so sure about Brazil anymore... Not because of the Harry Potter thing just because...I don't know. I feel like there are just some things about him that might be red flags. Things that don't quite add up. Like the fact that he was staying with some chick in Rio for a week and spent NYE with her, and the fact that some girl posted something on his facebook wall about having a "date night" when he gets back to the states, and more of the same. It seems like he just has a lot of girls around... And that shit doesn't usually fly with me. But we'll see...

Anyway, I stole away from the family to come in here and post, but I don't think it'll be long before one of my little cousins comes busting in here, so I better sign off for today. More soon!



Tuesday, January 3, 2012

FML Right Now!

I'm really pissed. For one, I've been trying since November to get my shift covered at work this Friday night. But NO ONE will take it, because Warren's band is having a show that night and everybody wants to go. But I'm leaving for Orlando tomorrow morning! So wtf am I supposed to do1!? UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Second, I'm already getting irritated with Matt because he's just...I don't know, not being attentive enough? He sent me a text yesterday morning asking me if I was going to be working that night, cuz he was thinking of coming by. I told him yes I was working, and he should definitely come in. I didn't hear from again, but much later, when I was actually at work, and I was bored out of my mind, I text him again. I just said something, "Hey are you still planning on swinging by cuz there's like 2 people at the bar right now and I'm really bored!"

A couple hours later, he responded with, "If you haven't noticed by now I'm quite possibly the world's worst texter. I put my phone down to cook and attempt to fix my place up, which resulted in drinking beer and talking with my neighbors."

I waited about 45 minutes before responding, because I didn't want to seem too needy. But i said, "Haha well you should come drink beer and talk to me instead."

No response.

At 8:30 this morning, when I was obviously, fast asleep, he wrote me again. "See I passed out at like 10 last night to get up at 6. My friend said he saw you however and that you looked bored out of your mind."

I didn't even bother responding to this one till like 3pm. Lol. I slept till noon, and then I was doing stuff. But I said, "Your friend was there last night? I WAS bored out of my mind!"

And so far, I haven't gotten a response and it's been just over 2 hours. Am I overreacting? I know I have a tendency to do that, but I just can't tell if he's blowing me off, or just trying to keep me on the backburner, or if he's just busy, or what! I just don't know! I mean if he wanted to blow me off, why text me at all? Why tell me he wanted to come see me at the bar?
But if he is interested, why doesn't he just write back? It takes like 2 seconds to write a text message! I have all these conflicting thoughts flying through my head right now and on top of the mood I'm already in, it's driving me crazy.

Plus, I'm leaving tomorrow. ((Sigh))

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Starting Off the New Year With a Bang!

Dude...I've been on cloud 9 all day.


Matt texted me yesterday morning before I was even awake. He said he was thinking about coming to my bar for NYE. He ended up not being able to, because we were sold out of tickets, so we decided to meet up afterwards. Work was awesome. Me and Warren and Abbie had so much fun behind the bar! It was great.
It took us forever to get out of there though. The place was completely trashed!! But finally, we finished, and I texted Matt. He invited me over, but I told him he should come with me to my place instead. So he met me at the L stop and we took the train to my house. I was a little bit tipsy, and so was he, but we laid in bed talking and giggling and kissing for like an hour. Then we both started to get a little sleepy. We were laying really close, facing each other, with our noses almost touching. He had his arms around me and I was running my fingers through his hair. When I got to the back of his neck, I grabbed a fistful of his hair and tugged on it. I literally felt him melt. Lol. Apparently that's his weakness. He went from almost asleep to awake and ready to pounce on me in like 2 seconds.
One of the things I really like about this guy is he tells me what he's thinking and what he wants, instead of hinting at it, or trying to make me figure it out. He tells me, "Yea I really wanna have sex with you, but hey, I'm not expecting anything." And he tells me, "I really just wanna kiss you right now." He also compliments me a lot which like I said, kind of makes me uncomfortable. But I think that's just the cautious side of me that inherently doesn't trust those words. Usually when guys shower girls with compliments like that it's just because they want something, and they'll say whatever they think she wants to hear in order to get what they want. So yea, it puts me on my guard, but it still makes me blush. :)
So anyway, at that point I just decided to stop second guessing myself and over-thinking everything and I just let my impulses take over. I wanted to have sex with him. So I did! And it was GREAT. ((Sigh)) Lol. He told me he thought he probably wouldn't last very long, because it had been a long time since he'd had sex. I almost laughed, but I asked him how long was a long time, and he said about 4 months. Again, I almost laughed.
But the sex was great. I mean...maybe it's just because I haven't gotten any in a long time, but I just get weak in the knees every time I think about it! He's not like a WamBamThankYouMam performer. He likes to take his time. Which is great for me, cuz in the past I feel like I was always having to tell the guy to slow down, or take it easy. But not with Matt. In fact, I didn't really have to give him any direction at all, other than, "Keep doing that!"
Neither of us lasted that long, to be honest. Lol, but it wasn't like a 3 pump finish or anything. It was perfect. And then we fell asleep, nice and cozy and close.
This morning, he woke up before I did. Probably cuz Jasper kept pestering him. Lol. It was about 11, so we'd been asleep maybe 4 hours? He woke me up by kissing me on the cheek. :) I rolled over and he kissed me again. Then he said he had to go soon because today is his Dad's birthday and he was going to parents for dinner and he needed to get cleaned up and run some errands. I teased him and said, "No, just 15 more minutes!" Just like he did to me the other night. Hehe. So he stayed a little longer, and I took advantage of him. All I have to do is run my fingers through the hair on the back of his head, just at the top of his neck, and it's like pressing a magic button! So we went for round 2. It was even better than round 1! Ahhhhh...
Before he left he kissed me again and said, "Beers this week."
"What?" I asked, still a little out of it from the sex and lack of sleep.
"Let's get beers this week." He said.
"Oh. Ok." I couldn't help but smile. Then I remembered my trip coming up and I had a mini panic attack because I think I really like this guy. I didn't mention it to him. Better to wait and see what happens.
He kissed me again and then he left.
I thought about going back to sleep after that, but then I remembered one of my coworkers was having a housewarming/new year's brunch. So I figured, what the hell? I'm already awake, and I haven't been grocery shopping in weeks so I might as well go. So I did! It was fun. I just got home a half hour ago, and now I'm back in bed. Lol. Soooo tired! Yesterday was a long day, and now all I wanna do is get cozy with Jasper and a movie or something. The only thing that could make the rest of this day better is Matt being here. ((Sigh))

On a side note, I haven't forgotten about Brazil. We've kept in touch since he's been gone, but I'm pretty sure he spent last night kissing some girl named Jessica. And now that I've met Matt, I haven't really been thinking about him as much. But he's still there...in the back of my mind...