So the other night after I blogged, I heard back from Brazil. He wanted me to come over and smoke with him. I hadn't smoked in a while, so I said sure. So I powdered my nose, spritzed on a little perfume and headed over there. I already knew he lived right down the street from Sophie and Brent, but it was my first time going to his place.
When I got there, he led me down some stairs, to a cozy little one bedroom apartment. We sat down on his couch, and he put on some tunes and loaded a bowl. We smoked a little and started talking about you know, whatever, small talk. Then the weed started to kick in. And all this time, I'd been thinking about all the stuff I really needed to talk to him about, and how I wasn't even going to kiss him until we'd actually had a conversation. So when he tried to kiss me, I stopped him.
"What? You're not going to kiss me?"
I couldn't help but giggle, in my present state of mind.
"Not yet. I wanna talk to you first."
"About what?"
"Well...I feel like maybe you've gotten the wrong impression of me."
"What do mean? I feel like I'm still getting to know you."
"Yes. You are, but..." I was having a hard time articulating what it was I wanted to say to him. And he kept looking at me very intensely and it was making me laugh. Lol.
"Look, I promised I would be honest with you, so whatever you want to know, just ask." He took my hand and I couldn't help but smile.
"Well, there are just a few things I want to be really clear about."
"Ok..."
"I just...um...I don't like to play games, I know I already told you that, but I just hate feeling like there are things that I wanna say, but I can't because you know, I'm not supposed to or whatever, and I just don't want you to think-"
"You're worried that I think you're easy or something?"
"No! Well...sort of, but probably not in the way that you're thinking"
"Cuz I don't think that all! Quite the opposite actually. I think you're really tough."
"Just...let me finish. Sorry it's taking me so long to say this. This whole conversation is seeming like it's a much bigger deal than it really is just because I'm high and I can't talk." I laughed, again. Lol.
"Well it's nice to see you smile, and to see you laugh." He smiled at me and tried to kiss me again, but I still wouldn't let him.
"Stop!" I said through giggles.
"What? You don't wanna kiss me?"
"It's not that I don't wanna kiss you! I just wanna finish this conversation first."
He sighed, "Ok."
"Ok. So what I was saying was, I'm just not a very patient person, and I like to know what's going on, because I feel like I don't want to just wait around for something that's never going to happen. I mean I can be patient, if I know I'm actually waiting for something, in the end, but...
"I know what you mean, and I know things seem to be moving kind of slow, but that's just
because school started this week for me, and I've got my surgery Thursday..."
"No,
no, that's not it. I think the pace is fine, it's not that! I just...I don't want to be your rebound."
He paused as if he was really thinking about what I'd said.
"I...never thought about it that way."
"Well, of course you didn't. And that's exactly why I have to think that way. It's just...I know you recently got out of a relationship, and my last breakup was...messy and confusing, and it took me over a year to get over it, and if you have any residual feelings for your ex, then I just don't want to get in the middle of that. I don't just wanna be that girl that's distracting you from the way you really feel about her."
"Listen, I know I have some stuff to deal with still, but I don't have feelings for her anymore. I mean I'm still upset about what happened, but I've moved on to a new chapter in my life, and I'm looking ahead. She's just driving me crazy because she broke up with me but now she wants me back! And she's saying she regrets everything, and putting all this pressure on me and it's just annoying! I mean I don't understand why she did it in the first place. It's like, 'You broke up with me!' And you know it's like the first time I was dumped, that's the worst, right?" (He laughed at his own joke there and I smiled), "It's just...bothersome. I don't have feelings for her anymore like that. I'm sorry for making you deal with all my baggage."
"Don't apologize. You're not making me do anything. I wouldn't be here if I didn't wanna be."
And then he leaned in and I let him kiss me, finally. And then we talked, smoked, laughed and played some more. And then I asked him to play me a few songs on the guitar. He's really good too! So hot...and then finally, we had sex. And OMG he is like really, really good in the sex department! I mean last time when he went down on me was...wow, but the sex was...also wow. I mean he is very well endowed first of all, and second he's so...passionate, and uninhibited, and so in sync with me. He's not a selfish lover at all. He's very eager to please. It was amazing. Then we laid there and just talked for like hours! Mostly about music, but about other stuff too. And finally we went to sleep, in each others arms. ((Sigh)) It was wonderful. I really like him. I really feel like this could go somewhere. It all just seems so...effortless.
Tonight I went to dinner and then the improv theater with Sophie to see a couple shows. And guess who I saw there?? Lane. It was only a little bit strange. He looked good. We exchanged "hey how are yous" and that was about it. I wondered what it would be like to date him again, and then I thought of Brazil and just smiled to myself at my good fortune.
Anyway, Sophie and I had a lot of fun. One last hoorah before school starts Monday. Then things are gonna start getting hectic for me again. I hope Brazil and I can still manage to find time to hang out.
So just one question for all my readers out there... Do you believe Brazil? About the ex thing I mean? Or should I be more cautious?
7 comments:
It's hard to say, the fact u took his word & he got what he wanted (totally not judging on that one) will tell where it goes, what about all those girls?
I know guys lie.. they do it often for various reasons. However, he's been upfront with you about everything so far. He didn't have to tell you the backstory of his ex, but he did. I say, until he gives you reason to not believe him trust what he says but at the same time just be cautious.
Since the relationship is still new, keep hanging out as often as you can. The more you get to know him the more you will be able to filter out the truth from the BS.
Just take it slow and keep the communication open like you're doing now.
I think all you can do is take him at his word. And trust your gut. If he starts acting weird, or pulling away, then you do the same: pull away, give him space. But if he continues to text you, call you and want to see you, go with it and enjoy it. Good luck!
It could be that you are the rebound, but it could be that he's ready for a new relationship. Things don't always go by the book. Personally, I look for how someone treats me and their actions above all else. Do you feel like he's being open and honest with you and that he's genuinely interested in you?
My husband and I got together very soon after breaking up with other people. Actually, we were both at the tail end of relationships when we ran into each other (we'd been acquaintances before) and realized we wanted to be together, but neither of us would cheat on our exes even though those relationships were nearly over. So, we broke up with the other people we were dating, starting dating the next week, and got engaged 6 weeks later. On paper, that seems like it would never work right? Like we started out on the wrong foot? And in retrospect, it even seems crazy to us! But we both had that feeling that we just knew we were right for each other. It just clicked. From the beginning, it was the easiest relationship I've ever been in. Eleven years later and 3 kids later, we still say, "I'm so lucky to have you" on a daily basis.
In the end, you can do everything "right" by what "they" say you're supposed to do and if it isn't the right person for you, it won't work out. Or, the circumstances can seem wrong and you break all the conventional "rules" about dating, and it still works out beautifully. My husband always says that the secret to a happy marriage is to marry the right person for you. Yes, you still have to work at the relationship, but it is a lot easier when you can just be yourself and feel safe and respected.
I agree with some of the other commenters...I'm always of the mentality to believe someone until they give me a reason not to. Because there is no reason trying to drive yourself crazy wondering if what he really says is the truth, just accept it as the truth. And if something should happen to make you question that, then bring it up to him. I say enjoy the ride for the time being!
-janelle
be careful. yeah, dont not trust him unless he gives you a reason to, and sure he told you a lot of stuff, but sometimes guys dont think about shit like that. like he didnt even think about you being a rebound. well maybe he had his rebound with that chick he spent NYE with, so youre good to go, but maybe he just doesnt realize that it will actually take him longer to figure shit out than he thinks. id be careful. don't put your eggs all in one basket but dont be too on guard. and honestly, i think patience is the most important thing right now. and taking things slow.
Just the way the situation is, and how everything is unfolding... I'd say go with it! Your past experiences have given you wisdom, so if you see any warning signs or have uneasy feelings, then you'd know to back off. But all I can tell from reading your blog is all the GOOD feelings you're getting!
See where it takes you. I love that you are so positive and outgoing. Good luck, I hope he is a good catch that deserves you!
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