Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Stir Crazy

Ugh, you guys are all SOOO right about Brazil. I know he's immature, and I can do better. It's just the sex! Seriously! I smell his cologne and I literally get flashes of weird nostalgic feelings, and desires and I'm just left with the thought that I have literally never had better sex. ((Sigh)) Let's just hope that when I finally do find Mr. Right, he'll be as good in bed as Brazil. Lol. But he has been facebook stalking me...Brazil I mean. Literally, he likes ALL my posts. Almost immediately after I post them. ((Sigh))
Anyway, I start school again on Thursday, and I'm really dreading it. I dunno why, but I just don't really feel like I actually got a break from school this time around. I mean I went to NOLA, and Houston, and I have these 4 days, but ughhh....it just doesn't seem like enough! Well at least I only have one more semester after this one! Then I'm outta here~!
You know what's great too? Now that I've decided I wanna move back to Houston, I feel like the pressure to meet a guy has been lifted. Because what's the point of dating someone here if I'm moving in like a year, right? So I can just....concentrate on my artwork, and save money, and think about what kind of job I wanna get when I'm finished with school. NO BOY DRAMA. So I'll just continue to hook with Matt when I need a fix. Lol. Seems to be working well so far! Well here's to staying indoors till Thursday since it's like 2 degrees outside. Literally. I'm on the hunt for a new tv show to watch. I just finished Homeland. Any suggestions?

Friday, January 18, 2013


Well I figure since I've got the writing itch, I might as well get you guys a bit caught up. So right before my trip to Houston I sort of...texted Brazil. Lol. I was bored at work, and this REM song came on (his favorite band - seriously, he's obsessed in a really disturbing way) and I just....texted him, "Hey." And we talked. Long story short, he finally admitted to all that stuff with his ex, and he apologized. And I said I forgive him, and agreed to be friends. And then a couple days later, he texted me again, asking why I had texted him out of the blue, after last time, when I baited him and then went off on him. And I said, "Because I heard an REM song and it made me think of you."
I'm just gonna paste the convo instead of paraphrasing...

B: R U serious?
B: I honestly thought u were texting just to curse me again

Me: Well I can if you want me to

B: Oh really why would u do that? Do u still hold a grudge?*
*side note: I really hate typing in shorthand, but that's the way he texts! Ugh...

Me: No, but you keep bringing it up

B: I feel like the motive why you texted me is bs. Many times random things just like walking past [your bar] every day made me think of u, still I didn't text u...U heard a song? get real..

Me: You didn't text me because you knew I didn't want to talk to you. But it's true. I just heard an REM song. You don't have to believe me. What secret "Motive" could I possibly have??

B: I have no idea, thats why im asking. its been all very weird, since that day, u wanted me to say id like to hang out just to go off at me.. And then deleted me from facebook right after that, and then later on u texted me n ur cool if we became friends, it's just all very unexpected
 B: Do u understand why im intrigued?

Me: Is that what you are? I was mean to you before because I don't like it when people fuck with me. You came into [my bar] all brazen faced and bushy tailed, expecting me to act like nothing was wrong and it pissed me off, so I retaliated.
Me: But I'm actually a forgiving person and I believe in second chances. As long as people admit when they are wrong and apologize. So that is why I agreed to be friends.

B: So ur saying ur willing to give me a second chance? And I have no idea what u meant by brazen face and bushy tailed

Me: It means you came in here with your douche bag swagger. If you really must know...

B: Douche bag swagger? I was just there w my friend, n u didnt answer my question

Me: What question? Seems you don't like the answers I'm giving you.

B: Would you give me a second chance?

Me: I thought I made that clear when I said we could be friends? But that doesn't mean you can snap your fingers and we become besties or fuck buddies. Cuz I already have one of 
those, and just bc I said let's be friends, doesn't mean I trust you. That has to be earned.

B: Fair enough, just wanted to know where im standing
B: Are u seeing someone at the moment?

Me: Why?

B: Cause I am curious, and i dont want to interfere with ur business if u have one.. So, are u?

Me: No

And that was the end. He never wrote back after that. But shortly after, he refriended me on facebook, and I accepted. So then I left for Houston, yada yada, and today, I went back to work, and I posted on facebook for everyone to come see me at work tonight, and guess who shows up?? Brazil.
It was strange kinda. He's still the same, but I don't feel like I am. My sister was there too, so that kinda eased up the pressure on the situation. And she sat and talked to him while I was busy. After he left, she told me he kept making vague comments about how she must have heard so many terrible things about him... lol. He's still infuriatingly stubborn, and set in his ways, to the point where he might as well be wearing blinders. And he still wears that same cologne. And the weird thing is, when I got home tonight, I was taking my coat off, and I got a whiff of it. His cologne. And I just wanted to breathe it all in.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Home Is Where The HEART Is

Over the past couple months I have struggled with whether or not I should continue to blog. Mostly because my life is sort of stagnant right now, and I just don't have that much dish, and then partly because I'm so busy that my posts are few and far between, and I know my readership is dwindling. But every time something DOES happen, I WANNA blog about it. So for now, I'm just gonna say that my blog is sort of...on hold. I will post here and there, but unfortunately, that's all I can commit to at the moment.

In other news, I just got back from a 10 day trip to Houston. And now that I'm back in Chicago I have this really weird feeling that I'm not really home here anymore. It's like I feel confused inside. You know? Like that feeling you have when you first move to a new place, and in your head, you know it's "home", but it just doesn't feel like home necessarily. Well that's how I'm feeling about Chicago right now. I mean I've known for about a year now that this isn't where I want to stay. This move was something transitional, something I needed, and I'm definitely glad I did, but not something permanent. And I've toyed with idea of moving to New Orleans, or Austin after I graduate, but now I'm convinced that Houston is just...where I belong. I was just so happy there the last week and a half. I have a lot of good friends. Not just casual friends, or coworkers, or classmates. Real, true friends. And if there's anything I've learned from this experience of leaving everything behind and starting fresh, it's that true friends are hard to find, and they should be treasured, always. My reasons for leaving Houston don't really...apply to me anymore. Hopefully I will be able to find a real job before I move anywhere, so I won't have to bartend again, but everything with Brandon is in the past, my parents issues are (mostly) in the past, and I wanted to pursue photography and art, and I did! So I've decided that when I finish school, I'm going back to Houston. I'm going back home.