Monday, February 25, 2008

Work Work Work!

Saturday night was horrible!

We were short a bartender, and of course, it was insanely busy. Not to mention, I'm getting sick again, and I've just been so exhausted. My back was aching the whole night, and I just didn't feel like I was up to doing my best.

Then FB shows up with his friends, and literally will not leave me alone. I mean I was working the waitress well, so it wasn't even really my job to be helping the customers. They had other bartenders for that. But he's ordering rounds of EIGHTEEN SHOTS from me!! Ugh. Then he told Amanda and Melissa that he was "taking me out on a date" tomorrow. Which was so not true. Thank God for Evan! He was there too, and I grabbed him and quickly engaged him in a conversation so FB would leave me alone. FB and his crew didn't leave till close.

I saw Jake The Door Guy on my way to work, and he hardly said 2 words to me. Then after work, he came over to hang out, and he was all, "Hey lover!" and gave me a hug! I think the guy might have multiple personalies.

At the end of the night, while we were cleaning, Frank shows up, completely pants-shitting drunk. I mean, it was ridiculous. And he was talking shit to me for no reason! First he told me, "Fuck you, you fat bitch. Shut your mouth." I almost laughed at that, because it was a rather hypocritical comment.

But then later, he slapped me in the face!!! YEA! I was entering credit card tips on the computer, and minding my own business, and he walks up and says, "Stop looking at me like that!"

"Like what?" I asked.

"The way you're looking at me!" He slurred.

"I can look at you however I want." I said. I was really not in the mood to deal with him after the crappy night I'd had.

"I'll slap you in the face." He threatened.

"No you won't." I said, not even looking at him, and continuing to do credit cards.

Then he slapped me!! And not lightly either. I turned around and slapped him 3 times harder.

"Don't fucking slap me!" I said to him. I was so pissed!

And he laughed.

Then he started talking to Ali, saying that I'm a horrible photographer, and that as much as I try, I'll never be good at it. Normally, I wouldn't have let any of this bother me, but I just got off my period, I'm tired, sick, sore, and at the end of my rope, so this was just the straw that broke the camels back, ya know? I wanted to cry, but I would never do that at work. So I threw down my bar towel, and went to the back bar, to get away from him.

Nick was back there cleaning. I told him I was mad and I needed him to come eat with me after work so I could cry on his shoulder. Lol.

So we went and ate late night Mexican food at some 24 hour joint, and exchanged stories. I told him about Frank, and FB, and he told me about his psycho ex calling and listening to his voicemails.

Oh, and I feel like I have to state for the record, Nick is an awesome guy. He's not out to get into anyone's pants, and he totally respects me. He knows I'm not romantically interested in him either, so he wouldn't try to "cock block" me with Jake. What he told me is what he honestly believes to be true. And I know I can trust him.

Moving on....

Friday night was Blinn's birthday. And I forgot to mention in my last post, he has tried to make out with me twice in the past 4 days! I mean, both times he was drunk, but still... I wouldn't let him kiss me though, because 1) I was sober and 2) I'm not going to end up like Valerie!

I had to take him home after work on Thursday night, because he was wasted and his brother had his car. So that was the first time he made a move. And then Friday, a buncha people went over to his place for his birthday after work, and he started kissing my neck in front of like 3 other people!!! Omg so embarrassing! But it's ok, cuz nobody knows about what happened between us before. Except Alyssa and Bethany. And I know they won't tell anyone. But it kinda makes me wonder if he's actually interested in me, or if he's just drunk. He's always telling me I smell good, and sniffing me. Literally!

Well, sorry this post hasn't been very...detailed, but like I said, I'm exhausted! And I'm really looking forward to getting in bed and reading a book!

Thanks for reading!

Demetri Of The Day:

"The straw is a great invention. You can drink without using your wrists. The straw is your friend until you lose eye contact with the straw. Then he will betray you and make you look like an idiot. I have to pull the straw aside and be like “What the hell do you think you’re doing? The last time I checked, you were right by my mouth. What are you doing on the other side of the glass? I don’t need you; you’re a luxury!

The ice is even worse. When there’s liquid in there, yeah it’s fine; it’s like a pool party. “Hey we’re keeping everything cool.” I’m talking about when I get to the bottom and it’s just me and the ice. I’m like, ok just one of you. Come on I just want something to chew on; come on. And the ice is like, “Hold…hold…everybody now!”"

Sunday, February 24, 2008

The First Time

When she got to his house, she had no intentions of it happening. I mean, sure, she had considered it multiple times but... How do you ever know when you're ready for something like that?
Plus, she had always thought she'd wait. You know, for marriage. Most people thought such ideas were just romantic notions of naivety. But that was how she was raised, and she wasn't just going to give it up to anybody.
But he wasn't just anybody. He was special.

The night started out just like any other. They went upstairs to his room, turned off the lights, and turned on the TV. Even after so many nights of hanging out in his room, she still felt nervous. Almost awkward. She often wondered what he was thinking during those pregnant moments of silence they often shared.
As they made themselves comfortable on his bed, she was reminded how much she hated it. It was a water bed. Loud and sloshy and wiggly. Every time she started to get cozy, she began to feel as if she were drowning. It was as if they bed were trying to swallow her. Oh well. Might as well get used to it. She crawled under his comforter; it was always cold in his room. As she was laying there, staring at the television, her thoughts drifted back to their evening. The fancy dinner, the poem she'd given him. She must have spent at least 3 days perfecting it. She had never given him anything so personal before. But he said it was good. She wished he wasn't leaving tomorrow. How could she go from seeing him almost every day, to just weekends, at best?
She guessed she loved him. I mean, if this wasn't love, what was? She knew she had never felt so strongly attached to anyone before. It was as if she needed him. And the thought of not having him made her stomach knot up. She subconsciously wrapped her arms around her stomach, as if to hold herself together. He thought she was cold, and put an arm around her.
She turned to look at him. He smiled a nervous smile and kissed her. His kiss was more intense, more...urgent than normal. She could sense it. She wanted to ask him, but he pulled away first.
"I got condoms today." He said.
"Ok." She whispered.
She swallowed hard as he reached over her for the drawer in his bedside table. Her heart began pounding almost audibly in her chest. What about waiting? What about him leaving? What would she do?
Thoughts, in the form of questions, went racing through her mind. She wasn't even aware of either of them undressing. They were still under the covers. The TV was still on, but the volume was low enough to be background noise. It was dark. She didn't even see what he looked like naked.
Breathing became something she suddenly had to think about. Just like blinking, or swallowing. She was hyper-aware of herself. What kind of underwear was she wearing? Oh no, not those ugly purple ones with the flowers... Maybe he won't see them.
Then, there was nothing else for them to do, except cross the threshold. She was hesitant. There was no turning back on this one. She would never be the same.
He had done it once before. On New Years Eve with a girl he was dating. She had been a lot more experienced than him, and he had been drunk. What kind of a first time was that? It didn't work out.

He started slowly, but she stopped him.
All her muscles were contracted. She was so tense. She took a deep breath and tried to relax.
"Are you ok?" He asked.
She nodded, quickly and nervously. Then she loosened her grip on his sides.
He tried again.
She stopped him again. She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. Was it supposed to hurt this bad? I mean, she had heard that it did, the first time, but...
"Just come a little closer." She said to him.
He was very patient. She appreciated that.
"Ok, a little bit closer."
The pain was worse. She had to stop him. Tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now. She was afraid he would notice. He did.
"I don't wanna hurt you," He told her as he brushed the tears from her face. "We don't have to do this, if you don't want."
"No, it's ok. I do want to. Just...go slow." She whispered.
She let him enter her completely. It had to get worse before it got better, right?
It hurt so bad, it made her think of the time she first got her ears pierced. The sharp, intense pain. The breaking of skin. The hyperventilating.
But then...the pain was gone, and all she could feel was him. So close, so...beautiful. And she knew, she must love him. How could she not?
It was everything, and nothing like she had expected. She supposed she hadn't really had many expectations. Other than it would be with someone she loved. And he was so kind, so patient, so...wonderful. And now she had all of him. And he had all of her. What could be more amazing?

Friday, February 22, 2008

No More Fantasies

I recently decided to drop all notions about me and Jake The Door Guy. I'm the type of person that always gives people the benefit of the doubt. I look for the good in people. And while that may sound like a nice quality, it usually turns out to be more of a problem than anything. And in the case of Jake The Door Guy, I feel like this is one of those situations.
Nick and Jake have been kind of hanging out recently. And he knows about my little crush. And the other day while we were closing the bar together, we had a little conversation about him.
Nick: Hey, can I be completely honest with you about something, without you getting mad, or thinking that I'm trying to cock block you or something??
Me: Um...sure...?
Nick: If you're looking for a relationship, or anything serious, Jake isn't your guy. I mean if you just wanna goof off and mess around or whatever, then go for it. But seriously? He's just out to fuck.
Me: What?? How do you know that?
Nick: Because! I've spent a lot of time with him the past few days, and it's just the way he acts, the things he says... Actually, he's been tryin' pretty hard to get into Tina's pants.
Me: TINA!?! Ew! Why do all the guys like her!? I don't get it.
Nick: I dunno...cuz she's cute. But she's got lots of baggage. But guys seem to like crazy girls I guess?

Tina is the girl I used to work with at the last bar. And I really didn't want her to get a job with me, because frankly, I'm not a big fan of hers. And now apparently all the guys like her. (i.e. The Albanian, Jake The Door Guy, and a couple other bartenders) It drives me crazy! She just recently got divorced! And by recently, I mean...I don't even think the papers are finalized yet. And she's only 22! And I know for a fact that she and The Albanian are already sleeping together. ((huff!)) Anyways, so I decided, right then and there, to stop fantasizing about Jake and I, because I'm not going to delude myself.

Friend Boy keeps calling and texting me. He apparently can't seem to take a hint. I mean I feel kinda bad, but I have to cut the cord. Ya know? I'm not gonna lead him on. But it's really starting to get kind of annoying.

Last night, I had off work, so me, Melissa and Amanda went out. In the end it was just me and Melissa though, cuz Amanda went home early since she had work the next morning. We went into the shot bar, and of course Jake The Door Guy was there. I was cordial towards him, but disinterested. And I'm pretty sure he noticed. And it wasn't like I was doing it on purpose to get his attention either! I just...don't wanna bother getting to know someone if they're only going to disappoint me. If I wasn't interested in him romantically, then getting to know him wouldn't be a big deal. But I know me, and that's never going to happen. So we had a pretty low-key night, just hanging out and stuff. Then we went over to my bar, and ran into Frank, who pretty much attached himself to us, because he has a thing for Melissa. Well, all he did, all night, was talk shit about Nick! And it was really pissing me off, because Nick is a great guy, and a great friend to me. And Frank was making him sound like some dog, who just chases after girls for sex, etc. etc...which is totally not Nick! And when I would defend him, Frank would just say, "You don't know Nick as well as I do! I've known him for 2 years...blablabla..."
"Yea, but you and Nick aren't friends! There's a difference. I actually talk to Nick on the phone, and hang out with him and stuff. And he's not the way you say he is." I protested.
Ugh. I hate it when people bash others, just to make themselves look better. And that's exactly what Frank was doing to try to impress Melissa. He's so transparent...

Anyways, when Melissa and I got back to my car to go home for the night, there was a piece of pizza smeared all over the windshield of my brand new, freshly washed car!!! And I was parked over in the shot bar's parking lot, right next to The Albanian.
"It was Jake!" Melissa exclaimed, "His truck used to be right behind you."
"What an ass!" I said.
"You shoulda put that pizza on his car. Too bad he's gone already," Melissa said, "send him a text."
So I did.
"Thanks for the pizza, I was hungry!" I wrote.
"You're welcome!" he wrote back. An admission?
"You're a douchebag! Putting pizza on peoples' cars..." I wrote.
He didn't respond.

But this morning, I woke up with 2 texts from him. The first one said. "I didn't put pizza on your car." And the second one said, "5:30 in the morning?!?"
I wrote back, "What happened at 5:30 in the morning?"
Jake: You texted me. Or I just got it at 5:30?
Me: You just got it at 5:30. I sent it at like 2:15.
Jake: Oh. What ev! Loser.
Me: I'm not a loser. YOU'RE a loser.
Jake: Nice one.
Me: Lol. I was just trying to level down a bit so you wouldn't feel too intimidated by my dazzling wit.
Jake: True dat.

I didn't respond, but 5 minutes later, he's calling me!

Me: Hello?
Jake: Hey what are you doing?
Me: Um...uploading the pictures from that party at Blinn's the other night. What's up?
Jake: I didn't put pizza on your car! When you sent me that message that said thanks for the pizza, I didn't know what you were talking about, I just said you're welcome.
Me: Haha, yea I thought that was an admission!
Jake: No, it really wasn't me.
Me: Well...I really wish I knew who it was! Cuz it was smeared all over my window, and not many people know I have a new car.
Jake: Well I'm sorry about that. You're lucky it didn't ruin your paint.

We chatted for a bit longer. The whole time I was trying to figure out why he was calling me. He couldn't just be calling to chat, could he? I totally don't get him! He told me he hates his job at the gym, and we talked about what jobs we want and stuff... Then finally his other line was beeping and he said he had to go.
"I'll see you tonight!" he said.
"Ok, bye." I said and hung up.


Demetri Of The Day:
“I like when good things happen to me, but I wait two weeks to tell anyone because I like to use the word ‘fortnight.’”

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Once Upon A Time...

The rain was coming down in sheets when the couple left the party. They exchanged looks before running out into the night. They splashed through deep puddles, laughing and holding hands. It must have been almost 3 am. The parking lot overlooked the bay. The waters were turbulent, and sailboats rocked back and forth violently on the bay.
By the time they got to her car, they were both soaked. Her hair hung in damp tendrils around her face, sending icy streams of water running down her back and shoulders. She looked up at him through dripping eyelashes. He was smiling, that familiar smile that made his blue eyes twinkle. He pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her waist, his hands finding their place in the small of her back. She wove her fingers through his wet hair as their lips met. Their clothes clung heavily to them, like a second layer of skin. She could feel the energy pulsing between them; a current as strong as the lightning flashing overhead.
However, nothing existed beyond the 2 lovers, wrapped in eachother's arms, enjoying true love's kiss. The thunder boomed loudly, and the wind howled. The rain was coming down so heavily it was as if they were standing in the center of a very wet cloud.
The kiss felt like a second, and an eternity. Time almost seemed to stand still. How long had they been standing there? He had been holding something, but he absently let it fall to the ground now. As wet as they both were, what did it matter anyway? She pulled him even closer, kissing him more firmly, and passionately. His hands moved up to her neck, and then cradled her face gently and he softened his kiss. No words were needed. She pulled away slightly and looked up into the face of the man she loved. He looked back at her with a tenderness, yet a rapture. It was a look no one else had ever given her. A look that said anything and everything words could never say.
She took a deep breath, and smiled. This would be a kiss that she would never forget.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Valentine's Day and Kosovo's Independence

So yesterday, I typed an entire blog, and then my computer froze and the whole thing got deleted. You can imagine I was pretty pissed. And I didn't have time yesterday to retype the whole thing. But here goes...

I went into work at 7. It was realllly slow, and I was incredibly bored. I went to look at my phone around 9:30 and saw that I had one missed call. Jake The Door Guy!!! What a pleasant surprise! Almost immediately afterwards, he showed up. He walked right up to me, said hi and gave me a high five.

"When are you gettin' off?" he asked.
"I should be getting off in about 30 minutes!" I said, "Why? What's goin' on?"
"Well we're heading over to The Porch Swing. You should come!" he said.
"Ok. Well I might. How 'bout I give you a call when I get outa here?" I didn't wanna seem too eager.
"Ok sounds good."

I got off at 10 on the dot, and called Jake The Door Guy for directions. As it turned out, they were over at the shot bar, waiting on Blinn to finish a beer. So I went and met them over there. It was Jake, Blinn, Gavin, and Jake's friend, Darius. Sometimes it's really nice to be the only girl! We headed over to Porch Swing and had a couple drinks. It's a new bar that just opened up, and of course Blinn is friends with the owner. Jake and Gavin and I got into a pretty involved conversation about high school band. Haha. We were both in it all 4 years. I had so much fun talking to him! I noticed he doesn't come out of his shell very often around large crowds. So it was like I was really getting to know him in his element, ya know? Just as one of the guys. It was cool. We ended up going back to our work around 1, and then Jake The Door Guy had to leave, because his friend had to work tomorrow and they'd ridden together. Poo. Oh well. I still had a lot of fun.

Valentine's Day
All us girls had planned to go out for sushi, at 8pm. I had to work at 10, but everyone else was gonna barhop in midtown after dinner. However, "all us girls" ended up being just me, Amanda and Charlotte ((groan)). Melissa and Lindsey (a cute blonde in our group that I've recently gotten to know and like) were supposed to come, but since they both have boyfriends, they ended up spending the evening in.
At 5:30 I started getting ready to go, and while I was in the shower, FB called and left me a message.

"Hey Peyton, it's (Friend Boy). I just wanted to call and wish you a Happy Valentine's Day. Uhh...I hope your day is going good. Anyways I just...wanted to let you know I was thinkin' about you on Valentine's Day.
Talk to you later.

Awwwwwe! How sweet! I was planning on pretty much ignoring the holiday all together.

Well at 7:15, I was in my car and on my way to the sushi place. I sent a text to Amanda to make sure everyone was gonna be on time. Then she wrote back and said she was waiting on Charlotte to get to her house, because she was supposed to fix her hair. Ugh. I tried calling Charlotte 3 times, but she didn't answer! How rude! I mean, you don't make plans with people, and then make everyone wait on you! Especially when some people have other shit to do! I was starting to wonder if I was even gonna have time to eat before work.
I was the first person to get to the restaurant, of course, and there was a 45-minute wait. Ugh. I was starting to get really pissed. But then I managed to nab us a table in the bar area, and finally the girls showed up. The sushi was delicious, and even though Melissa and Lindsey weren't there, we still had fun.
I got to work, and it was insanely busy!! Which was good, because it made the night go by faster, but I was definitely getting sick of watching people make out and dry hump all night.
Around 12:30, FB shows up with some of his friends.
"Hey!" I said. I was pretty surprised to see him.
"Hi. How's your night going?" he asked.
"Um..." I glanced around at the hordes of drunk people, "Ok I guess."
Just then, he pulled a dozen red roses out from under the bar and handed them to me. I was so shocked, I'm sure I was blushing furiously.
"Oh my gosh! You didn't have to do this!"
"I know. But I wanted to." he said.
"Thank you...so much." I said, taking the flowers.

I was really touched by his gesture, and also really worried. Because lately I've kinda been feeling like the spark between FB and I is fading. I mean...ever since his work hiatus, and then with Jake The Door Guy coming into play... I dunno. This always happens to me! I never want the guys I should want! And now suddenly, FB is acting all...coupley! Ugh...
Well, he and his friends didn't stay long. He said he just wanted to stop by, tell me Happy V-Day and give me the flowers. So I thanked him again, and gave him a kiss on the cheek before he left. It did cheer my night up considerably.
But while we were shutting down the bar, I couldn't help but glance at the front door every 5 minutes to see if Jake The Door guy was coming over. They usually finish cleaning at the shot bar first, and then come over for a couple beers. But of course, he never showed up. Oh well...there's always Friday.

I went into work at 3 to open the bar, still completely exhausted from the night before. I worked a small happy hour party in the back bar, and ended up getting off at 8. I came prepared with a change of clothes to go out in after work, since Melissa and the girls were supposed to be meeting up for another Girl's Night Out. I pulled my hair back into a couple of pins, and I put on a pair of peacock feather earrings with a matching necklace. I even did my eye makeup with a royal blue eyeliner, and green and gold eye shadow to match. Considering I had just gotten off work, I felt pretty put together!
Once everyone showed up, we hung out at my bar for a while and had some drinks. Then we headed over to the shot bar, because honestly, I really wanted to see Jake The Door Guy! But it was pretty crowded over there, and he was too busy to chat. So we all headed inside. Well, it turned out that Friend Boy and his entire crew was there! And his entire crew just happened to include Lindsey and Melissa's boyfriends. So much for our girl’s night! Now let me explain what went down.
Ever since I met FB, he's been "trying" to quit smoking. And let me just state for the record, I hate smoking. It's smelly, and disgusting, and a total turnoff. And the last time FB and I hung out, he told me I would never see him smoke another cigarette, because it was bad for his health.
Well on Friday night, he must have smoked at least 5 cigarettes. Ew. At one point, I even said something along the lines of, "Would you rather smoke that cigarette, or make out with me?"
And he chose the cigarette!! Ugh.
So I left him to his devices and went to mingle. I found Melissa and Tim and went to talk to them. I immediately told Melissa the story about what had just happened with FB.
Tim mumbled something unintelligible and rolled his eyes.
"What?" I asked.
"Nothing..." Tim said.
"No, tell me!" I persisted.
"It's just...(Friend Boy). I can't stand him." He finally admitted. And I was pretty shocked to hear this, because FB always said he and Tim were good friends since high school. Although I did always think it was kind of odd that they never hung out when they were supposed to be such good friends.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"He just thinks so highly of himself! And it's just because he has money. He's always bragging and lording it over everybody. Dude...none of the guys understand why you're dating him. You're like...supercool and he's..." Tim trailed off.
"Hmm..." I though aloud. It wasn't the first time I'd heard these things about FB, even though I'd never seen them firsthand. But it was still a bit unsettling.
I found FB in the crowd by the bar, ordering rounds of shots. Several rounds of shots, I might add. When Jayme told him she wasn't going to serve him anymore, he practically through a hissyfit.
"What?? Is she really not gonna give me any more drinks?! I tipped that chick a hundred bucks!" he complained.
I raised my eyebrows in surprise at his tip comment.
"Yea, but...you're clearly drunk. And it's her call to make whether she feels comfortable serving you or not." I explained.
"I just can't believe that." he huffed.
The more time I spent with FB on Friday night, the less I was enjoying his company. Is this really the kind of guy that he is? Maybe I was being a little hard on him though. I wasn't about to give up on him yet.
At the end of the night, he asked if I would drive him home, and I said sure. I figured it would be a good opportunity for us to talk. And talk we did.
I told him I thought we'd moved too fast physically, and it was causing the lines in our situation to become confused and blurred. I said I thought we should slow down and maybe get to know each other better. And we talked about The Psycho a little bit. He didn't divulge anything about his ex. All he said was, "I've seen a lot of shit. And I don't talk about it with anyone." Whatever the hell that's supposed to mean...
When we got to his place, I went upstairs with him; we were still deep in conversation. He must have been really drunk though, because he kept trying to get me to take shots of vodka with him, or drink some wine. I'd stayed sober the whole night because I'm trying to save money. (I really want a Macbook Air!!) So I refused his offer for more drinks. Then he went out onto his patio and smoked another cigarette!! Even though he knows how much it bothers me. But it gets better. When he came back inside, he kept trying to make out with me, and talking about sex. Had he not been listening to anything I was saying earlier?!?
Again, I told him no, I wasn't comfortable with that. He was noticeably put off, but I didn't care. I left his apartment feeling frustrated, and annoyed. It's like the guy has 2 personalities! There's this really sweet, doting guy, who surprises me with flowers. And then there's this selfish, boastful, sex-craving, chain smoker, who I do not like at all.
Either way, I've made the decision that Friend Boy, while he is a decent guy, is definitely not the guy for me. ((sigh))

I lounged around most of the day, which was nice. I had plenty of time to mill things over. I have to somehow figure out how to tell FB that this isn't going to work for me. Definitely not looking forward to that... And I want to subtly pursue Jake The Door Guy, while also appearing aloof and semi-unavailable. Lol. That shouldn't be an easy task either.
I had to work at 10. And I actually got to work in the well next to Bethany, so that definitely made the night go by quicker! We chatted and caught up throughout the night. I told her all about FB. And she told me about her Valentine's Day with Tugg. I also found out that at midnight, it would officially be Day Zero of Kosovo's independence. And since I work with 3 Albanian's, this was reason to celebrate. So after work, a huge group (including Jake The Door Guy!) headed over to Blinn's apartment to party. I even happened to have my camera with me, so I took tons of fun pictures.
But before I can really launch into the story of the night, I have to give you guys a bit of background on Jake and Valerie. Valerie is one of our waitresses. I know I've mentioned her before in the post where I made out with Blinn. Read back if you must, it's a pivotal post. Anyway, she's a huge bitch. And she's kind of crazy. I mean seriously, nobody at work likes her because she's a psycho bitch!! She's also like...the workplace whore. And she always preys on the new guys, you know before they really get to know anybody, or get to know about her reputation. I feel kind of bad for them actually. Well, unfortunately, Jake was one of those guys. He told me she made him feel welcome when did didn't know anybody, and that she seemed cool at first.
Well they hooked up for about a week before he came to his senses I guess. And now she's angry and bitter about it. Surprise surprise. So at the party, I noticed Jake kind of lurking in the corner by himself. So I walked up to him.
"Why don't you join us?" I asked.
"I dunno, I just like to watch people I guess." he said.
"Hm. Interesting..." I said with a sideways glance.
Just then, Valerie approached.
"You know if you were actually nice to people, you wouldn't be standing over here in the corner by yourself with no one to talk to!" she spat, in her drunken stupor.
"I'm talking to him." I said. But she just gave me a dirty look at continued to rail him. She was saying things like, he needed to "man up" and apologize to her for being such an asshole, and, "You know what your problem is?? You're aggressive! And I don't mean in bed!"
And he was literally just standing there staring blankly through her, not saying anything. I just stood there, my eyes practically popping out of my head. Then it started to get really awkward to I shuffled off in the opposite direction. I gave him a look that said, "I'm sorry! I tried!" as I walked away.
I went to talk to Nick about it.
"You know he's the only reason she's even here. Dude...she's crazy." He said.
"Yea...I feel kinda bad for Jake." I said.
Valerie was literally in Jake's face. If I'd have been in his position, I probably would have hit her.
Unsurprisingly, Jake The Door Guy left soon after that episode. And coincidentally, so did Valerie. What a fucking bitch! I mean, seriously! If you want a guy to actually like you, you can't sleep with every guy you work with!! Ugh. I hate her.
Around sunrise, I decided I should probably head home. When I got out to my car, I noticed I had a text from John. He had been at the party too.
"Sleep well sunshine." It said. WTF??
"I don't get you." I responded.
"Well you're not so clear yourself." He wrote.
Whatever. I'm not even going to mess with that. I don't feel like trying to figure him out. It's too much work.
I crashed out as soon as I got home. It was nice.
So now, I'm still here with my dilemma with FB and Jake The Door Guy. I mean, I can tell that Jake is a nice guy, but he's kind of...shy. Well, not shy, per sé, but he's not good with large crowds. So it's harder to draw him out. And I don't know how I'm going to tell Friend Boy that I don't like him anymore. He's called me twice since that night, and left me a Facebook message. I responded to his message, but I haven't returned his calls. ((sigh)) I'm just not ready to have that conversation yet.

Demetri Of The Day:
“About a month ago I got a cactus. A week later, it died. I was really depressed because I was like ‘Damn! I am less nurturing than a desert.’ (Ladies, that’s not true)”

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

To Blog, Or Not To Blog...?

Today is Jake The Door Guy's birthday. I sent him a text last night at like 3:30am (since I'm a raging insomniac!) and he wrote back a thank you this morning at like 6:15.

Also, Friend Boy texted me a whopping three times today!! That's a record. I'll paste.

FB: What's goin on? How was ur day?
Me: Just finished watching a movie. My day was relaxing. How bout you?
FB: Pretty eventful. Lunch, school, haircut, grocery, workout, and am now getting chicken noodle soup. Woo hoo!

Melissa said not to respond, since he didn't ask a question, and he'd be sure to text me back. (I was on the phone with her when he was writing me.) Sure enough! I got another text 7 minutes later.

FB: Asked for extra everything on the soup and they came back with an exploding bowl of deliciousness! Yes!

He's such a dork. Lol. On Sunday, we went and ate at this deli, and he kept on raving about their chicken noodle soup. But when it came, he said it didn't have enough noodles. Again, I didn't respond. I'm just gonna play it cool for a while. Perhaps we'll switch roles for once.

And as for all the comments, I just wanna set a few things straight in a very nondefensive, nonconfrontational way. Not starting anything, just stating for the record.
1. I don not think I am "hot shit" by any means. I mean, judging by what people have told me, I would say that I'm better looking than "most" people, but I do not think I am flawless whatsoever. I'm just confident with who I am. I've been told I look like Terri Hatcher, and Jessica Beal in the face. As for my body, I'm tall and slim, but not thin. I would say my body is most like Katherine Heigl's. And I'm working to get some better tone for the summer. I also do not discount any girl for shooting for the stars. It's the way Charlotte literally throws herself at guys that disgusts me. I don't think I'm better than anyone, because who am I to judge who a person is on the inside?? All I can see is what is on the outside at a first glance. And I did apologize for my fat girl comment. I know I crossed the line on that one, I just got a little carried away in my venting.

2. I am not promiscuous, nor do I have a reputation for being so, nor am I anyone's call girl. Especially not Friend Boy's. Friend Boy has only slept with 1 or 2 other people, and he's not just looking for a piece of ass. I know we moved too fast physically, but hey, that was my call to make, and I don't regret it. I definitely will not do that with Jake The Door Guy, if it ever even comes to that.

3. I don't want any of you to think that I feel I'm superior to anyone else, or that I think I'm perfect, or that I'm shallow, or conceited. I have a multi-faceted personality. Sometimes the ugly in me comes out in my blogs, because I choose not to reveal that side of myself in person. We are all guilty of thinking mean thoughts. I just use this blog as a way to channel those thoughts...to get them off my chest. And usually, after I see them in writing, I realize how dumb they are. (i.e. the fat comment)
So basically...I'm about to reach 100 posts. Should I stop blogging? Am I doing more harm than good? I don't want this to be a medium where I feel guilty for the things I write. They're just my thoughts poured out on paper. Well not paper, but you know what I mean.

Demetri Of The Day:
“Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I’m swimming, sometimes I’m not sure which one it is. I gotta go by the outfit. Pants - uh oh. Bathing suit - okay. Naked - we’ll see. Should I be swimming faster, or am I getting laid?”

Monday, February 11, 2008

Ixnay on the Extay

First of all, thanks for all your comments! I appreciate the advice, and for the most part, I agree with all of you. The main reason I wrote that text was because Melissa told me I should! And usually, she gives good advice when it comes to guys. And I figured, what do I have to lose? So I sent it. And today, I got my response.

"Well I just got out of a 4 1/2 year relationship. Right now I'm trying to figure things out and can't commit to anything. I do enjoy hanging out with you a lot & would like to continue to do so."

I wrote back.
"I get that. I'm not trying to give you any ultimatums or anything. And I appreciate you being honest with me. I was merely curious."

So that's that. And I'm kind of glad it's out of the way. Because to be honest, I was afraid he might say he did wanna be in a relationship! Because the more that I think about it, I don't think I want that with him. At least not right now. And especially with my feelings for Jake The Door Guy surfacing... Ugh. Everything is such a mess. But I'm not going to call or text Friend Boy anymore. Period. If he calls me, that's fine. If he texts me, fine. But other than that, I'm not going to initiate any contact.

And as for Jake The Door Guy, he and I are now Facebook friends. And he just "mooned" me on SuperPoke. Lol. And get this! Charlotte recently friended him and has been unabashedly flirting with him on Facebook!! It's quite sickening actually. I mean I hate to say it but...she really aims too high. She always goes for guys that are just way out of her league! I mean, don't get me wrong, she's a nice girl, and she's cute, but she's short and fat! Not exactly what most guys look for in a girl. And she always goes for these superhot guys! I guess if she can get 'em then good for her but...whatever. It's just kind of pathetic the way she throws herself at them. Wow, I sound like a superficial bitch right now. It's just that after the whole incident with she and I and Friend Boy, I lost a lot of respect for her I guess.

I'm going to watch a flag football game with Melissa and Amanda in about an hour. Melissa's boyfriend, Tim is on the team and they have games every Monday night. So that should be fun, and low key. I'm gonna bring my camera and hopefully I'll get some decent shots.
Well, that's about all for now! Keep up the advice! Lord knows I need it!

P.S. Didn't anybody dig my new outfit!??

Demetri Of The Day:
“When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws. Only catapults.”

Sunday, February 10, 2008

I like...

...Jake the door guy. ((sigh))

Went out last night in my new pink pumps,

and my sexy new little black dress.

I even tied a matching silk pink ribbon around my neck. I felt like a million bucks! Anyways, I spent some time talking to Jake last night, and I'm just...so intrigued by him, that I can't help it! And what with FB being so distant lately...I dunno. I did stay with him last night though, and he hung out with us too last night. I had so much fun. But I'm starting to wonder if things with FB are just not going anywhere. I mean, he hasn't mentioned anything to me about how he feels, and it just seems like a stalemate right now. I don't know... I mean he's a great guy and I like him, but now I'm interested in Jake the door guy! AHHHH!!! Why do I always do this to myself!?
Maybe it's my subconscience telling me I'm not ready for a relationship. ((Sigh))

Anyway, I did send Friend Boy a text. Here's what it said: Hey I'm curious and I just have to ask...what do you think about me? I mean I don't really know what we're doing. I like you, and I have a lot of fun hanging out with you. But is this just like...casual sex to you or what? Don't take this the wrong way or anything, I just would like to know.

He hasn't written back yet. And it's been about an hour. So...I dunno. Maybe he's sleeping already.

As for Jake The Door Guy, I talked to Melissa about it, and she thinks I should "have fun with it" and see what happens. So I guess that's what I'm going to do. Just ride it out.

Demetri Of The Day:
“I like clothes, you know. I dig fabrics. One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you’re in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you’re not, it does just the opposite. It’s like, ‘Hey, there’s an asshole.’ But when you’re in the woods you’re like, ‘Is there an asshole out here?’ They look like trees.”

Friday, February 8, 2008

Friend Boy, Jake and Vette Guy

I gave in and texted FB yesterday. I just don't want him to think that because of our conversation the other day, that I'm gonna go off and forget about him. So I wrote, "You know...I'm starting to miss you!"
About 4 hours later, he responded.
"We will hang out soon. I got a lot of responsibility right now. Hang in there."
Melissa didn't like that comment about me "hanging in there".
"As if you just...don't have a life?!" she said.

Omg, he just texted me! Brb.

Ok he said, "Today is outrageously beautiful!"
I'm on the phone with Melissa right now and she said he must be thinking about me. I sure hope so! I'll text him back in a little while...

Last night at work, I parked my car over by the shot bar because I never get towed, and it's just a couple blocks over from my bar. As I was walking over, I saw Jake, the door guy, standing outside the shot bar. I was on the phone, but he said hi and came over to give me a hug. I got off the phone so I could talk to him for a little bit. I can't really tell for sure, but I think he may be interested in me. I'm just a little suspicious of his motives, you know since he was talking to Melissa.

So work was definitely great. Haha. Vette Guy came in. Yup, a blast from the past. And he just swaggered up to me and said, "Hey babe! How have you been?"
You know, like nothing ever happened between us. As if he didn't act like an immature asshat the last time I saw him. Anyways, I kinda gave him the eyebrow raise, told him I was fine
"You need a haircut!" I couldn't help but blurt out. He looked completely unkempt and ridiculous.
"Oh...yea well Dolce won't let me cut it, they want it long for this shoot..." I stopped listening at this point. He's so fucking full of it. I really wish The Model and he could meet, and that I could be there. So he would shut up about his stupid pathetic small-town runway gigs that he thinks make him the shit.

Anyways, then I asked him what he wanted to drink. Well it just so happened, that the barback had just stacked some clean glasses on my glass rack. And they were still wet. So I reached to pick one up and it slipped out of my hand and broke. No big deal, all of us bartenders break glasses all the time!
But Vette Guy goes, "Am I making you nervous??" with that sickeningly familiar smirk of his.
But before I could even respond, the blonde standing next to him said, "She should be making you nervous! She's way hotter than you are!"
I busted out laughing!
"I fucking love you!" I said to the girl, and I gave her a high five, and walked away in a fit of giggles. That totally made my night.
And just for the record, I don't know how I was ever into that guy! He's so completely juvenile! Ugh...thank god I didn't have to see him again for the rest of the night.

Well after work, while we were all counting money, Jake came over to my bar and pulled up a chair right next to me. I mean right next to me...touching me. Again, I was on the phone, with Bethany this time cuz she and Tugg were in a huge fight. Why do people always call me with their drama?? ((sigh)) That's what happens when you're a good listener I guess. Lol. Anyways, Jake and I ended up talking for the rest of the night, about work, school, etc. We both went to the same university, so it was nice to reminisce with him. Then I went to clock out, and I yelled, "Who wants to walk me to my car??" Because we never walk alone; it's dangerous.

"I will." Jake volunteered. Again...interested??

So he drove me over there actually, and it was a very short drive, so there wasn't much time for talk. But...I dunno. I haven't really been able to get him out of my head since. I mean, I think he's gorgeous for one. And secondly, all that stuff he told me on Superbowl Sunday about looking for a girlfriend... If that's true, would he really be just trying to play me? Maybe he just wants to be friends, but I dunno...I just get this vibe from him. It's a little too intense for friendship, ya know?

Well I know I'm gonna see him again at work tonight. Perhaps I'll park at the shot bar again just so I can see him. Omg I'm so horrible! AH! I just can't help but be intrigued. I mean if he and Melissa had never ended up talking, however brief that was, I probably would have pursued him. But then I met FB, and I do really like him, but he can't seem to give me the time of day! ((Sigh))

I'm meeting Melissa and her boyfriend for sushi tonight before work. I can't wait!! I freakin' love sushi. Well...that's all for now I suppose!

Demetri Of The Day:
“I saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and I thought, ‘That is cool.’ But then I saw another guy wearing a leather vest and I thought, ‘That is not cool’. Then I figured it out: ‘Cool’ is all about leather sleeves.”

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Friend Boy Update

After 4 days of becoming increasingly more frustrated with FB, I finally got to talk to him. He did call me yesterday, but I followed Melissa's advice, and didn't answer. He left me a message saying that he saw he missed "several" of my calls (I only called him like 3 times in 3 days) and that things had been really hectic at work. So I tried calling him back a few hours later. No answer. Then I sent him a text that said, "You sure do know how to frustrate me (insert full name here)!" No response.
Then just now, he called. And I picked up. He actually sounded really...sorry, and worn out, and stressed! He just started a new job on Monday, and apparently to test him, they gave him 2 really huge projects right off the bat, and he said he's been falling behind in school, and with everything going on, he just hasn't had time to return anyone's calls because all he wants to do in his spare time is sleep.
"I really am sorry... I just don't want you to think I'm a shady bastard." he said.
I couldn't help but laugh. "Yea, I was starting to wonder about you..."
"Well, I'm sure my friends can vouch for me; I'm not like that. It's really just been a crazy week."

We don't have any plans for the immediate future as of now. He said he wants to get caught up on all his work, and his rest and then he'll be able to hang out and stuff. I told him I have off this Saturday and we're gonna be going out and that he should try to come. I might switch with Mark though, and work Saturday night instead of Friday night. So who knows... But I'm glad he's not intentionally blowing me off.
And as for me sleeping with him, I don't regret it. Maybe it was a little soon, but there's just something about FB...he's very genuine. And I could tell that about him from the moment I met him. And maybe it is a fault of mine for being so trusting, but in this case, I don't think it was a mistake. Because so far, he's proven to be mature, responsible, and caring. And I think he really does like me! So perhaps it's worth all the drama of waiting. At least he has a career and has his shit together. I can't hold that against him. ((Sigh))
Well, I just wanted to update you guys. Thanks for the comments though, keep 'em comin!

Demetri Of The Day:
"Futon World: A wonderful place that becomes slowly less comfortable over time…."

Monday, February 4, 2008

Superbowl Sunday

Things with FB had been going so well. Our date went great, we hung out all day Friday, and made plans for Superbowl Sunday. He said he wanted to take me to a museum. And we'd also planned on going to the same Superbowl party. But then, Sunday rolls around, and I don't hear a thing from him. Not to mention he didn't call me at all on Saturday either, although he did text. But a text does not constitute a phone call. Well, I waited and waited Sunday, because I didn't know how I was gonna make plans, and then finally, at like 5, he calls...to cancel. He said he was tired, and burned out, and wanted to stay home and rest because his first day of work was Monday. Which would have been acceptable, except that 2 of his guy friends were over there playing Guitar Hero when I was on the phone with him. I was really upset about him bailing on me, since that pretty much ruined my plans for the whole day. And I'm sure he could tell I sounded not quite like myself on the phone. He told me to call him later. Which I did, because I decided, maybe he just needed a little convincing to come out with everyone. But he didn't answer. As usual. He seriously never answers my phone calls. I mean he pretty much calls me every day, but when he does, he never mentions my calls or texts, so it's like...I never called or texted! And I dunno what to make of that.
So today, I was just really pissed, and hurt, and doubtful. I mean, I hope this doesn't have anything do to with fucking Valentine's Day. I seriously hate Valentine's Day. It's just relationship jeopardy. Ugh. So I went and met up with Bethany at my work. A bunch of people were hanging out there for the Superbowl. Including Jake, the (not so new anymore) door guy who I happen to think is smokin' hot. And so, I started talking to him, and flirting, obviously. And he was actually having a real conversation with me. About like...what he's looking for in a girl and stuff, and how he actually wants to have a girlfriend. Blabla... And the funny thing was, everything he was describing was pretty much...well me! And I'm not being conceited! But he said he wants a challenge, not a pushover. Not someone who will be all about him and just do whatever he says, but someone who will talk back. Someone who's fun and not afraid to speak her mind. Etc etc... So I'm not really sure why he was telling me this, but then Bethany walked up and he was like, "I can't talk to you about this in front of her." And when I asked why, he just said, "I dunno...because I just...trust you."
How weird is that??
He ended up inviting me to hang out with him and his friend afterwards, and I got his number. But then he just went home, so we didn't hang out. And now I'm just really depressed about FB because I really like him and I don't want things between he and I to be over before they've even really started. I just don't know what to think. And I can't deal with him blowing me off and not answering my phone calls, but I dunno how to tell him that. So...I'm pretty much screwed. And I refuse to call him. Even if he calls me, I'm not gonna answer till like the second or third time he calls, because this is bullshit. I don't think I deserve this. ((sigh))
Why do guys have to make the simplest things so complicated?
I like you. You like me. What's so hard about that??? Maybe I should leave a note in his locker...

P.S. I can't believe the Patriots lost. Gay...

Demetri Of The Day:
"The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly. Puh chuck; 'Look at us! We were so young. Standing right there. Wow, where does the minute go?'"