The Mutual Exclusivity of Friendships and Significant Others

I've been struggling, but somehow I'm keeping my head above water. Mostly I think because I've just been too busy to worry. I started a second job this week, to supplement my income, thank god, and I just sort of hit the ground running. But let me go ahead and fill you in the last couple weeks.
July 1 was Bethany and Tony's couples engagement shower thing. I really, really didn't wanna go. That was like the day after my last post, I was feeling really shitty, and just didn't think I could handle that. But since I'm a bridesmaid, it would have looked back if I didn't go, and Lauren basically forced my hand by saying she wouldn't make any excuses for me if Bethany asked why I wasn't there. we agreed to ride together, and I told her I probably wouldn't be very good company, but she said she didn't care as long as she didn't have to go by herself. Well it was an open bar, and I ended up just getting shitfaced on chardonnay and tequila shots. Who does that?! Lol. The night actually turned out ok though. I met a nice, attractive guy at the shower, and sort of...latched onto him. Not in a clingy way, I mean, he was interested! But Lauren ended up leaving early, and Vicky, one of the other bridesmaids, convinced me to stay and said she'd give me a ride home, because everyone was going out afterwards. Well I rode to the bar with the guy, Brian. I was already really drunk by this point. Everything at the bar is really fuzzy. Brian ended up driving me home. I don't know what happened to Vicky. He walked me to the door, and came inside and we kissed, and talked for a bit, but that's it. He's apparently very allergic to cats, so he basically left ASAP. Lol.
The next day I woke up super hungover and I was supposed to drive to Houston. But I literally couldn't move. Then my cousin Macie called, because she was in town for the weekend with her boyfriend. She's a sophomore at Louisiana Tech. I asked her if they could drive me to my car, and she said ok. So they both came over, and we sorta just goofed around for a while. I still couldn't muster the energy to really get up and get going. Then Macie convinced me to come to lunch with them and Grandma. I figured, free lunch, why not? But seriously, by the time I got my car, packed up and was ready to go to Houston, it was like 7pm. And the drive sucked, but at least there wasn't any traffic. Surprising since it was Saturday before Independence Day. The reason for my trip to Houston is because my Aunt Raquel (Jenna and Amy's mom) finally passed away after 3 years in hospice with early onset dementia. She'd been in really bad shape, so it came as a surprise to no one, but because Jenna is one of my best friends, of course I wanted to be there for her.
It was around midnight when I got in, and I was completely exhausted after the night before, and just the week I had. I had to drive to Baton Rouge early in the morning 3 days in a row for training for the new job, and just hadn't gotten much sleep. But my dad made me get up to go to church with him the next morning. He said all my old friends were in town and they'd be there! But literally no one was. In fact, there were less people there than a normal Sunday. But whatever. Afterwards, we went to my Aunt Jeanie's for food and swimming with the family. The family that I've been basically estranged from. ((Sigh)) I didn't put up a fuss about it though because my dad's sister just died, and I knew Jenna would be there. It was actually ok. I had fun, other than my douche cousin Paul telling me I must have a small brain because I said horoscopes are horseshit. ((eye roll)) He is such a prick. Anyway, I basically went home and slept after that, still not having caught up on sleep.
The 4th was spent with Taryn and her boyfriend. Even though her bf was there, it was some much needed bestie time and we had a blast. We got day drunk, went swimming, went out for drinks, and then ended up at someone's high rise apt to watch the fireworks. Once we were there, inside said apt, someone mentions to me that Brandon lives there. Brandon, as in my ex. The last actual boyfriend I had. I honestly wish no one even told me because after that I could not stop obsessing over him, and how much I hate his current gf (which is true, she's a total twat), and how he took me for granted when we were together and broke up with me bc he said he thought I was going nowhere in life... Ugh. I rarely get embarrassed, but drunk me was literally spouting this shit to anyone who would listen. Luckily, he wasn't there.  He was in Europe with the twat gf for a wedding. Ugh. But I'm sure someone will tell him I was there, in his house, and how I couldn't stop talking about him. ((Sigh)) Whatever.
I drove back to NOLA the next day. Back to reality! Brian continued to text me, despite my drunk shenanigans at the wedding shower. Carrie texted to let me know she would be in Louisiana this weekend. Since she's moving to Baton Rouge with her boyfriend. Another one bites the dust... I can't remember if I mentioned that or not. I mean I'm glad she's moving closer to here, but I doubt that will change much, honestly. So I worked all week, and everything kinda just flew out of my head about the weekend. Friday night I texted Lauren, asking what she was up to, no response. Then Sunday morning rolled around, and I got a group text from Carrie to Lauren and I. She said she and her bf, Jack, were gonna drive into the city that afternoon, and she wanted us to all go out to dinner so we could meet him. I said sure, sounds great, and then she asked me if they could stay at my place, because she had a job interview Monday on the north shore. I said ok, and began making a mental list of all the things I'd have to do to get my place ready for overnight guests. Then finally, Lauren chimes in with, "Would y'all want to just come to my house for dinner? [Dallas] is in town and we were just planning on making pizzas at the house and hanging at home. We have plenty of food and wine. :D"
I literally started crying. Maybe it was because it was early, and I was still in bed and really tired. Or maybe it's because I'd been really looking forward to some more much needed girl time and I just can't seem to get any without everyone's fucking boyfriends around! I don't really know why I started crying, it was just my reaction.
I said, "Ugggghhhh ok I'm out."
NOT IN THE MOOD TO "HANG AT HOME" WITH 2 COUPLES.
Carrie: Wtf Peyton
Me: Sooooo dont wanna be a 5th wheel right now.
Lauren: My sister is going to be there too.
Yea, cuz she fucking LIVES there. NOT the same.
I didn't respond.
Then Carrie called. I felt weird trying to explain to her that I'm trying really fucking hard to not get depressed, and hanging out with you guys and your boyfriends is not going to help. I can't remember exactly what I said, I just told her I didn't wanna hang out with couples, I couldn't deal with it right now. And she tried to convince me it wouldn't be like that, and she doesn't act coupley, and the guys would go off and talk and we could just hang out... But I still declined. I told her it wouldn't make a difference who the couples were, I just can't do it. And she said she understood. Then I suggested we meet up after and go for drinks, since she and Jack were gonna stay at my place anyway, and she agreed.
Since I had the day off from work, I spent it cleaning, doing laundry, and changing my bedding, since I was gonna let them have my bed, and just take the couch for the night. I cleaned the litter box, and the kitchen, and got rid of any clutter around the house. It took most of the day. Then Brian texted and asked what I was doing later. I forgot I'd told him I was off Sunday and that maybe we could hang. Of course, that was before I knew Carrie and Jack would be sleeping over. So I told him what was going on, and I said he could join all of us for drinks. He seemed a little uncomfortable with that though, and asked if we could just meet first, before I go out with Carrie and Jack. So I agreed.
I texted Carrie and said, "I'm gonna go on a sort of date. He knows I'm meeting up with you though, but I'll probably go to the other side of the river. So let's just keep in touch."
Carrie: I can just stay here if that's easier? But if you wanna ditch him let me know and I will come over. I don't want to interrupt.
Me: No! I don't wanna change our plans! I'm just meeting him for a couple drinks.
Carrie: I will be back next weekend too
Me: I have to work all wkend next week cuz I'm filling in for a girl who's gonna be out of town, but if you would rather stay with Lauren, that's fine
Carrie: No that's not it at all, just didn't want to interrupt your date. We are about to eat, what you thinkin? 8?
Me: Yea that's cool

So I go to meet Brian around 6:45. The date went well I guess, but it's definitely not gonna work out between us. Aside from the fact that he's terribly allergic to cats, he wants five fucking kids! FIVE! That is completely out of the question. We actually had an interesting debate about that.
You know what I really hate? People basically telling me that I should want children, because - insert one or more here:
A) It's expected of me, as a woman
B) It's just what married couples do
C) You'll change your mind when you meet the right guy
D) You can't be happy or fulfilled without children
E) I just don't understand why anyone wouldn't want them!

UUUGGGHHHHH.
PEOPLE! STOP TELLING WOMEN THEY NEED/WANT/SHOULD HAVE CHILDREN. I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT.
I get this from men and women alike. Honestly, more from women. There are several reasons that I don't want kids, and I can think of a lot more cons than pros. Sure, people who have kids love them. But that doesn't mean they wouldn't have been just as happy if they never had any in the first place!
Anyway, that's a rant that deserves a post of it's own, so back to the story...

It's not gonna work between Brian and me, but he's a nice guy. About 45 minutes into our date, I get a text from Carrie. It's 7:30pm. "What up. We are just going to stay here. We have been drinking. Y'all have fun."
I was pissed, but almost unsurprised. I didn't respond.
When I got home I was even more upset than that morning. I cleaned my fucking house and did laundry and all this stuff for them to came stay and she just fucking blew me off to have couple time with Lauren and Dallas. It's like because I'm single and now they are not, I no longer FIT in, because I don't have a dude to bring.

So that's basically my life right now. I haven't talked to Carrie since, although she just texted me about something random. I don't know what to say because I'm upset and I want her to know I'm upset and I want her to know why, but I also don't want it to become a thing between us. She's generally a good friend, and was single for a long time too, so it's not like this is common.
I didn't go to dinner with them because sometimes you have to be able to give yourself what you need. You have to prioritize your own needs before others. And that's what I did, and I'm still the one getting shit on for it.

Last Woman Standing

Well apparently Abbie's wife has been cheating on her since February with some woman she works with. Abbie's twin, Reagan, found out quite by accident. They all share a family phone plan, and Reagan was looking over the bill when she noticed that Helen's call log had been manually deleted, which was odd, as well as a strange number that was being texted a lot, late at night. So she mentioned it to Abbie, and Abbie confronted Helen, and she denied it at first, but "gradually" came clean, only admitting to a little bit at a time.
Abbie said she is heartbroken, and still loves Helen, and she thought they were still in their honeymoon phase, despite the fact that Helen has been callous and bitchy towards her recently. She cried on the phone, and said she feels like a failure and she doesn't want to tell anyone that Helen cheated. I think she's being way too accommodating. What a cunt! Ugh... I feel so bad for her. But she said her new job as a flight attendant has helped keep her distracted and busy. So that's good. Hopefully she'll meet some new people and being away from Helen will make it easier for her to move on.
So that's what's going on with that.

So for the past several months, Lauren has been kind of seeing this guy she met on Tinder who lives in Dallas. He's been here to visit a few times, and she's gone there, but she always spoke of him as if he was more of a friend than a romantic interest. Like, she thinks he's really funny and they have a good time together, but she wasn't that attracted to him physically. And then there was the fact that they basically never had sex. Apparently she tried to initiate it several times, and it just...didn't work. So that's definitely not a good sign. So based on all of that, I never really gave Dallas Guy much thought. But then she went there this past weekend and she told me on Sunday that he asked her to move in with him! IN DALLAS! Apparently the lack of sex was due to the fact that he "really really likes her" and was nervous, and after they talked about it, everything was fine in the bedroom. And she said she is actually thinking about it. If she leaves, I'll just DIE!! She is my ONLY remaining single friend! Not to mention, basically my only friend AT ALL here in NOLA. I mean, there's Bethany, but we just don't have much in common anymore and I don't feel as close to her as I did back in the day. Plus, she's completely consumed with work and wedding planning. Ugh.
If Lauren leaves, who will I go out with on the weekends? Who will be my trusty wingwoman? Who will go to last minute happy hour with me? Who will be my travel buddy on road trips to Houston??? MY SOCIAL LIFE IS GOING TO DIE A SLOW PAINFUL DEATH! Not to mention my sex/dating life, which I pretty much owe entirely to her. I never would have met any of the guys I met this year if I wasn't out with Lauren. ((Sigh))
I know Sophie is coming, which is good, but...it's not the same as having a girlfriend my own age to pal around with. And she doesn't really go out much, and we run in very different circles. We've always had our own friends. I've had terrible anxiety over this for the last couple days, because I don't want my life to go back to the way it was. When I was boring and always at home watching tv and eating. I could gain back all the weight I lost! UGHHHHHH....
Making new friends is hard.
Meeting men is hard.
I thought I had a handle on that situation, but now all of that could go down the toilet. ((Sigh))

I haven't heard from Kyle all week either. Not since he apologized for responding late to a text I sent him. He was at a haunted house with his brother and he said he doesn't like to be on his phone when he's doing things with other people, which I understand and respect. But now he's in Miami all week, and I told myself I wouldn't text him AT ALL. And I haven't. But he hasn't texted me either, which is not a good sign.

Life in The Big Easy

I have so many things to write about now, that if I don’t get them down quickly, I’m going to get way behind on my blog again!

I just needed the last couple weeks to settle in and establish my routine. I still don’t have internet at my place yet though. I’ve found that not having the internet actually makes me leave the house more, and it’s become less of a priority. But I’m gonna have to get it soon, cuz I need it for work. So it’s on the list.

Anyway, my first few weeks here in NOLA have been great. I’m totally unpacked, pictures are hung, decorations are up, and my house feels like home. It’s like 5x bigger than my apt in Chicago! I love it. I am gonna have to get a roommate though. My mother insists… But I’m holding out as long as possible. Haha. This city is amazing. It feels so homey to me, it’s almost like I’ve always been here, ya know? I loved living in Chicago, and I made some really great friends, but I never really fit in there like I do here. I always knew Chicago was just a pitstop on my way to somewhere awesome, and this is definitely it. Bethany and I have pretty much picked up where we left off since she lives here now too, and it’s almost like that fiasco in Chicago never happened. And I’m totally ok with that. She’s grown up a lot too since then, I think. We both have. And our friendship is really solid, and that’s such a nice feeling. Taryn came to visit a couple weeks ago for my welcoming party. I’m not currently online, I’m just typing this in Word, so I can’t look back in my blog and see what I’ve already told you guys about, but did I mention that my mom got engaged? To my boss?? Lol. I thought it might be a conflict of interest, but it’s been totally cool so far. I feel comfortable around Jim like I’ve never really felt with an authority figure. And he’s a great boss and mentor. Well now I’m getting off topic, but the reason I brought Jim up is because he’s the one that threw me the welcoming party. And it was tons of fun. All my mom’s family was there, and Taryn and Bethany, and I’m getting to be pretty good friends with Jim’s youngest daughter, Helen. She just started college, and obviously needs a big sister/friend type person in her life. So I guess that’s me.

Well anyway, life here is great so far. Now onto the other big news…

John. You know, the John that just keeps cropping up over the years?

He’s finally taking a vacation after months of working nonstop. He wasn’t able to help me move, because he was still in California for work. Apparently he worked for like 3 months straight with no days off, and now he has 5 weeks of vacation that he has to take. So he’s doing it now. So I texted him the other day. And I’m just gonna post screen shots of our conversation here. I photoshopped all the screen shots together to make it easier to read.

So…BELIZE!!! Or should I say, Belize??? Because I didn’t hear from him all day yesterday, and this conversation happened on Sunday, and now I have no idea what’s going on. Obviously, I really want to go, I mean, this kind of stuff just doesn’t happen in real life! Especially not to me! Guy sweeps girl off feet with grand gesture by taking her to the land of milk & honey…and beaches. Lol. And all day Sunday I felt like I was walking on air… But then Monday goes by, and I still don’t hear from him, and now I’m left wondering, Is he having second thoughts? Was he a little drunk at the time? What’s going on!?

But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I mean, that’s John for ya. He always does this shit to me. Works me up, then lets me down. Even when I was on Cloud 9 about this, I knew it wasn’t a good idea to get my hopes up. But we’ll see what happens. ((Sigh))

I’m taking my first trip to Houston this weekend so that my dad can work on my car, and because it’s Carrie’s birthday. And I have a driving buddy! Her name is Lauren. I met her through Taryn and Carrie, she lives here in NOLA, and she’s super cool. So we’re both driving down Friday afternoon. And I’ve been excited about it, because it’s been a while since I’ve made a trip to Houston. My last trip there, which was unplanned, and only for a night, doesn’t count! The only crappy part is that Taryn’s gonna be out of town with her family for the holiday. But she and Carrie had a big falling out a while back, so maybe it’s for the best. I won’t have to worry about trying to divide my time between the 2 of them. I really wish they’d just bury the hatchet already!

But anyway, so there’s this guy… Lol. His name is Dustin. I’ve never really mentioned him before, because it was never important till now, but I know him through my ex, Brandon. He used to come into the bar I worked at in Houston, and he’s really hot, plays professional arena football, and he’s really sweet. But I never really thought of him in that way, because of Brandon. And I guess he felt the same. We lost touch for a couple years, but then I found him on Facebook a few months back and we got to chatting.

So the other night, I had this dream about him. I’m just gonna do the screen shot thing again so I don’t have to type our whole conversation.

So, we exchanged numbers and we've been chatting. And it looks like I may be having some fun this weekend in Houston! ;) We’ll see… I’ll definitely keep you guys posted on my boy drama.

Tata!

FWB+...?, Christian Bale, and Bethany

Over the past week or two (during which I have been sick, as I always am at this time of year) I've been seriously considering asking Matt out. Like...for drinks or coffee or something. I mean the booty call thing is great, but initially, I feel like we had chemistry, and I was into him. And I mean the sex is great, so maybe it could work for us if we gave it a shot, right? But of course, there's that age old debate about whether or not I wanna put something that's working so well at risk. I mean, if he's not interested in dating, do I lose my trusty booty call? And if he was interested in dating, why are we still hooking up? I mean if he wanted to date people, he wouldn't need a booty call, right?? I dunno, I guess I've never really analyzed the psychology behind boys and their booty calls, I only get it from my end. To me, sex is important. It's necessary for my health. And while I prefer to be getting it from someone I care about, who cares about me in return, that's not always an option. And finding an attractive, drama-free booty call who actually knows his way around the female anatomy is not easy! Trust me. Oh, and there's that small problem of him being only 25. ((Sigh)) So, do I ask him out, or not?

My trips to NOLA and Houston are coming up quick! There's only 25 more days till Christmas, AH!! In my efforts to avoid having to spend my entire time in Houston with Bethany, I never told her about my trip. But apparently, Taryn got drunk and spilled the beans last week, so I had to do some quick thinking in the damage control department. Bethany posted on my facebook wall yesterday, asking if I was gonna be home for Christmas. I very diplomatically replied that I would be spending Christmas with my mom this year, but that I was thinking about coming to Houston in January. But that I was still trying to finalize dates and things with work and my dad. The backlash from this response was quite funny. First Izzie texted me.

"So I saw you and Bethany's FB exchange. Your Houston trip, is it really not finalized or are you just trying to avoid her? Cuz I'm planning to go to Houston that week specifically to see you..."

Then Jenna texted me.

"I see you folded under pressure."


BAHAHAHA! I reassured both of them that everything is still on, I'm just trying to avoid any more drama with Bethany. But now comes the hard part. I really don't know how I'm going to deal with her when I get there. She left Chicago in the worst possible way, and she never apologized to me for all that bullshit she put me through. I'm willing to forgive, as is my tendency with good friends, but I can't forget. And it's really hard to forgive someone who doesn't even seem remorseful, let alone aware that what they did was completely shiteous. I mean she apologized to Carrie and Ali, so why not me??? Taryn said that when she told her I was coming, Bethany acted awkward and just said "We haven't really talked much since Chicago" and then changed the subject. G, I wonder why!!?? I really do value Bethany's friendship, and I know she's been through a rough couple of years, what with her mom passing away and everything... But she has changed so much that it's like...I hardly recognize the person I used to call my best friend. What's a girl supposed to do in a situation like that???







Well anyway, I have one more juicy tidbit for you guys. :P Last night at work, I was standing in the waitress well staring at this guy facing me from across the bar, for the better part of an hour. He was totally hot, and totally looked like Christian Bale, and I wasn't gonna let him walk out of the bar without at least attempting to talk to him. So I formulated a plan. Lol. I asked Warren to pour me a shot of tequila, and then give Mr. Bale a shot of Jameson from me. Then ideally, he would look across the bar at me, I would hold up my shot, we would take it together, and then he would come over and talk to me. Lol. That was the plan. So I tell Warren the plan, and omg...IT WORKED! JUST LIKE THAT!!
So he's walking over to me, and I'm like "Omgomghe'scomingoverherehow'smyhair?!" to Warren and he just laughs. So then he comes over, and this is sort of how our conversation started...



"Hey thanks for the shot! What was that for?"
"Oh, I was just telling my friend how I thought you looked like Christian Bale, so I thought what the hell! I'm gonna send him a shot."
Then we briefly discussed which Christian Bale he looks like (Batman? American Psycho? The Machinist??? Lol), because apparently he's been told before he looks like American Psycho Christian Bale. And I assured him that that is a compliment, as Christian was much younger then, and in very good shape. Lol. Then I said, "I hope you like Jameson? I wasn't sure what you were drinking over there."
And he said, "Hey, a free shot is a free shot!" Now that's what I like to hear.
He asked me where I'm from, I told him to guess. He said Canada?? WTF? Lol. I asked why, and he said because Canadians are nice. Lol. I said so are Texans. We chitchatted a bit more, but then one of my tables flagged me down, so he said he was gonna go back to his friends, implying I should go talk to him later. So I took care of my business and then he got my attention again as I was heading towards the stairs.
"Sorry, duty calls." I said.
"No, no, I understand! What's your name?"
"Peyton."
"I'm [Christian Bale]." Lol. We shake hands.
"It's nice to meet you." I tell him. I'm sure I could not stop grinning. :)
"Well, would you like to get coffee or something some time?"
"Sure." :D
"I mean I gotta get your number before you leave again."
I laughed and told him I had to grab something from downstairs, but that I would be right back.
So I went downstairs, grabbed one of my business cards and powdered my nose, and then went back up to find him. And he was gone! I couldn't find him anywhere! So I asked the door guy if he'd seen a guy in a maroon v-neck leave. He said no, so I started walking back towards the back room again. Then we ended up practically running into each other at the top of the stairs. So I gave him my business card, and we chatted a bit more. He asked me what my schedule looks like and I told him it just so happens I have this week off school. Then he grimaced, and said he'll be traveling all week.  Which got us talking a little bit about how he travels for work. I asked him what he does, and he said, "Well we'll talk about it. What's your Sunday look like?"
And at first I thought he said "Sundays", meaning all my Sundays, so I said my Sundays are generally free, and I usually do whatever I want, because I don't have school or work. And then I realized he meant this Sunday specifically. So hopefully that didn't make me sound desperate. And then he said, "Well let's do something on Sunday. Forget about coffee, let's do something exciting." And I laughed and said ok! And that was that! He went back to his friends, and I went back to work, and I think he left shortly afterwards, but he has my number! And I really, really hope he calls!
I have this complex where when I first meet a guy, if he seems really into me, I just think it's too good to be true. I dunno why, it just sorta puts me on my guard. Like I don't wanna get my hopes up, ya know? Because if he doesn't call, I'm gonna be really disappointed! :( But the ball is in his court. This is completely out of my control now. ((Sigh)) This is going to be a long day.

The Hottie Next Door

So a couple of weeks ago like a troop of youngish people moved in next door. They're basically all living in a commune and I have no idea what their exact numbers are, but they all seem pretty cool. Tonight when I got home from work, one guy and one girl were sitting outside drinking a beer. When I took Jasper out to walk him, the guy was petting him and fawning all over him. So I stopped to chat with them for a while. Their names are Tara and Roan (sp?) - pronounced R0-en, two syllables. He said he goes by Ro for short. And he's Irish. And SOOOO FINE.... Lol. For one, he's got that sexy Irish accent, two he has a sexy Irish name, and three, he has a sexy, very masculine aura about him. Lol. And he's tall! I have no idea how old he is though. But they told me that they're here for the summer on a work visa, and he's still looking for a job. Lucky for me, I actually know someone who is looking for a guy bartender, so I asked him if he had any experience and if he would be interested. And he said yes, and he would be very interested and that would be great! So I'm trying to hook him up with a job. He also said that if I ever wanted someone to walk Jasper, he loves dogs, and will play with him/walk him anytime. So I definitely might take him up on that, if only for an excuse to talk to him.
Damn he's hot... Lol.

In other news, Bethany tried calling me again yesterday, and I didn't answer. I'm still not over everything that happened and I just don't feel like I really have anything to say to her. In fact, I've already taken most of the pictures I had of us around my apartment down, and replaced them with pics of me and Abbie. Not because I feel like I'm replacing Bethany with Abbie, but mostly because I couldn't stand looking at Bethany's face, and I didn't really have any pictures of me and Abbie up.

A couple weekends ago I hooked up with Matt again. I hadn't seen him since...well since the first time we hooked up in early January, and he just kinda texted me out of the blue. And I was overdue for some birthday sex, so I figured what the hell. And god it was awesome... Just SEX. No drama, no strings attached! And he's lost weight since I last saw him. Not that he was fat or anything before, but now he's like really cut. HOTT. Also, he said we're definitely gonna have to do that again. Haha. I'm down.

Anyway, my dad is coming to visit this weekend for Father's Day. Hopefully there won't be any girlfriend shenanigans. Ugh... I am looking forward to seeing him though. I haven't seen my mom since Christmas and I miss her too! It's weird going for so long without seeing my parents. It's also weird living in a new place that they've never been in or seen. Like...being here and not having memories of them being here, ya know?? Well that's all for now. Hopefully I will have some more exciting news about Ro soon... ;)

Girls Weekend: Part II

Saturday:
So we slept till about noon on Saturday, and then Ali and Bethany showed up. I had had an extra set of keys made for the girls. So they just let themselves in and woke us up. Carrie wanted to go see The Bean, so I had promised to take her to Millennium Park. And of course it was Ali's first day in the city. So we packed up and headed downtown again. We walked around and they took pictures, and Bethany talked on the phone to her annoying boyfriend. Then around 6, we had to head back, because I had to work that night. Since it was Labor Day weekend I wasn't able to get Saturday night covered. Our plan was to have Chicago style pizza at this place near my bar so that I could just walk to work from there. And of course they really wanted to try deep dish pizza. But Bethany insisted that she needed like 2 hours to get ready, since they would all be going out afterwards. So basically what ended up happening is I dropped them off at the restaurant and then went to work. Because Bethany took so long getting ready that by the time we got there, I had to leave immediately.
And when I finally got to work, I was legitimately relieved to be away from Bethany!
When I got home that night, Carrie was already asleep in my bed. And it was hot as fuck. ((Sigh))

Sunday:
So the plan all along had been for us to go to the Sox game on Sunday at 1. Bethany had even arranged her travel plans around it, so that her flight didn't leave till 7 and she would have time to go to the game. Well I set my alarm for like 10 so that I could shower and stuff, even though I'd literally only been sleeping for like 4 hours. And when I get out of the shower, I had a text from Ali.
"So what's the plan? Bethany's still in bed. I'm up. You said be at your place at 11:30, right?"

"Yup."

"I suggest you call Bethany! :)"

"Tell her the bus is leaving at 11:30 whether she's on it or not. I've had 4 hours of sleep. If I have to put up with her shit today I will murder her."

"Lol I have her up! I'm going to be there! I've been up since 8 excited to do something! And I went to bed at 5. I suggested that we check her bag in at the airport and then go to the game since they are close by. Instead of having to come back to get her bag and everything. She thinks that's too much trouble. I said no, that we would just have to leave earlier for the game and we wouldn't be rushed later."

"That makes sense actually. Make her do it. Lol."

"We are bringing the bag to your place! Then you tell her to take it with her to the game and we go to the airport first and then the game."

Ali again, "Ok!! We are checking that bag in before the game!! I told her!! She is game!!! I'm running this biatch up in here today!! For sure!!! No drama like last night."

"Haha...good!"

So everything seem to be in order. Then I get a text from Bethany...

"I don't want my bag to get lost if I take it to the airport now."

"Where would it get lost? Why don't you just leave your stuff here then, and you can take a cab to the airport."

"I'm not sure what's going on with you but you're making me feel like I'm a pain and I'm not welcome. I'm not going to the game. I'll get myself to the airport. Don't worry about it."

"Wtf. Dude, I am exhausted. I had 4 hours of sleep and you're making a big deal out of something that is not a big deal. I was just saying it would be easier to take your bags first rather than go back and forth. And since Ali and Carrie are still here, I don't think they want to spend the whole day planning train trips to/from the airport. No matter what I do, I can't please everybody. You're putting me in a shitty position."

Then Bethany called me. I can't remember what all was said, but she started crying, telling me I'm a shitty friend and that I should have thought about this before now. WTF?! How and why is it my responsibility to plan when we take her fucking shit to the airport!? I have 2 other guests to think about! Then of course I got mad and started yelling, and she was like "FINE! Well I'll just stay here! I don't wanna go to the game if I'm such an inconvenience!" And then I think she hung up on me.

Somehow, Ali convinced her to come anyway, so I'm like, Fuck. This day is going to suck now. So I sent Bethany a text to try to mend things before they got any worse. This is what it said, "I'm sorry for yelling at you, and I didn't mean to make you feel unwelcome. You are one of my best friends and your friendship is very valuable to me and I don't wanna fight with you. We are all running on fumes and need naps. I just wanna bake a cake made of rainbows and we can all eat it and be happy." (<-- Mean Girls quote)

Well she didn't even bother responding to my text. But when she and Ali got here, she still had her panties in a bunch about everything because she just assumed that we were ALL going to take the one hour train ride to the airport with her to drop off her bags. And when I told her we didn't have time for that anymore, because we would have had to leave earlier, she blew a fucking gasket. So I told her let's just stick with the original plan and leave her bags at my place and we would get them after the game. But then she started crying again saying she was worried she was gonna miss her flight, and it's the last flight to Houston out of Chicago, and she just wants to go home and WAAAAAHHHH!!
And now Carrie (who was witness to everything up until this point and was really sick of her shit) chimed in, "No, it will be fine. We'll leave the game a little bit early, and we'll time it just right. You'll make it in plenty of time."
Which she would have anyway because no baseball game lasts 7 hours!!!! Her flight wasn't till 7 and the game was at 1! CHEESE & RICE!
But she still kept bitching and making up every excuse she could think of about why that wouldn't work. And she said she was just gonna stay home. And I was like, "Well what are you gonna do then?"
"I don't know, just sit here!"
And Carrie was like, "Ok well we'll probably be back before you leave."
And that was when Bethany realized that we weren't all going to beg her to come, so she was like, "Fine! I'll just come to the game! If my options are to sit here and be miserable or go to the game and be miserable, I might as well go!"
And we're all looking at each other like FUCK!
So we leave the apartment. FINALLY.
And then Bethany says something about "us" all going to the airport with her and I'm like, "Well we're not all going to the airport. That would be silly."
And she looks at me like I just smote her or something. And I say, "It's no big deal, I'll just give you the directions and you can take the train. It's really easy."

"I am not taking the train by myself! I'll get lost and miss my flight! And I can't believe that you expect me to go to the airport by myself! This whole trip has just been about you! I can't believe you're being so selfish!"

"I'm being selfish?? If I take you to the airport, what are Ali and Carrie supposed to do during that 2 1/2 hours that I'm gone?"

"I don't care! That's not my problem! This doesn't even have anything to do with them!"

Then Carrie, who is now irate and tired of sitting idly by says, "Bethany, I love you, but I'm sorry, you're being really difficult-"

"Shut the fuck up, Carrie! This has nothing to do with you!"

"OHHHH NO. I am NOT doing this." Carrie stops in the middle of the sidewalk. "This has nothing to do with me?!? This is my vacation too! And I bought my ticket way before you did! I'm sorry if I don't wanna spend all day in the airport! I took the train here by myself and it was fine, you need to grow up and stop acting like a child!"

So then Carrie and Bethany continued to yell at each other. Keep in mind that this is happening on the sidewalk, on our way to the train.

Then Carrie storms off ahead with Ali, and Bethany's like, "So is she the reason you don't wanna take me to the airport?? All that stuff you said to me earlier, was that just what she was telling you to say!?"

"NO! That is ridiculous! I was telling that I don't want to take you to the airport because there are two other people here, on vacation, that don't want to sit on the train all goddamn day! Why can't you just take a cab?!"

"Because I don't wanna spend any more money, Peyton*! If I would have known that you weren't gonna take me to the airport, I wouldn't have come!"


*(She didn't seem to have a problem spending money on Friday when she was buying everything in sight!!)


"Stop being so dramatic! GOD!! This is so fucking ridiculous!! I just wanted to go to the fucking game, and relax, and drink, and have a good time, but now everybody's pissed off because you decided to get on your little high horse and throw a fucking temper tantrum!"

"Oh I'm being dramatic!? Haha! That's hilarious. So you're saying it's my fault that everybody's in a bad mood now??"

"YES!! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I'M SAYING!!! You know what?! Fuck this! I don't even wanna go anymore."

Ali and Carrie were already on the other side of the turnstile but I had to get as far away from Bethany at that moment as humanly possible. So I turned around and started walking back to my house. Carrie came out after me, and in a moment, which I am now referring to as a rage black out, I kicked and swung my purse at a pole. I have never been so mad in my life. Seriously! We all laughed at my Hulk Smash moment later that night (after Bethany was gone), but really...not my finest moment.


Well I'll skip ahead a bit, cuz I think you guys probably get the gist by now. We finally get on the train to the Sox game. Bethany sits on one side of the train car, and the rest of us sit on the other side. Her choice. Whatever. Lucky for us, I brought vodka, so we immediately begin taking shots, and we are already feeling better just being away from Bethany. We all just needed some time to cool off I think. When we got off the train, Bethany and Carrie still didn't speak directly to one another, but Bethany was cordial to me again, and sort of just acted like nothing was wrong. I gave her a shot of vodka. We went to the game, we left early, Bethany decided to take a cab to the airport. Ali and Carrie got off at Chicago and State so Carrie could show Ali the Hancock building, and I went the rest of the way home with Bethany. She packed up and her cab came and she was gone! FINALLY!!


Then I met up with Ali and Carrie downtown and we went on a wonderful, relaxing, drama-free sunset cruise! It was amazing. Then we had dinner, and went home. They both left the next morning, and I felt terrible that their trip had to be sullied by Bethany's horrific attitude. But I can't tell you how nice it felt to have my apartment back. To be alone. And to SLEEP. AT LAST!!! And I finally broke down and bought an AC unit. Of course the temp dropped to 70 the very next day. ((Sigh))

Anyway, I'm not sure what this has done to me and Bethany's friendship. She called me once after she got home, and just acted like nothing had ever happened. So I guess that's her way of dealing. But I can't just sweep all that under the rug. She is not the same person I befriended 5 years ago. And to be honest, she is not the type of person I would choose to be friends with today. I mean I know she's been through a lot over the past couple of years, what with her mom passing away and everything, but when did she become so entirely self-centered?? I definitely don't plan on inviting her back any time soon, that's for sure. And if this damage is ever going to be mended, it's going to take a long, long time.

Girls Weekend: Part I

Alright I want to apologize in advance for this post, because it's going to be really negative. I'm not having the best day. I just quit my subscription to online dating a month early, because I just can't take it anymore! I hate it! Worst idea I ever had!! I had another really horrible date, with some pathetic loser who takes himself wayyyyy too seriously. He's in finance but is pursuing "acting" (said in the voice of Jenna Maroney). Give me a fucking break... Not to mention, he practically held me hostage for FOUR HOURS!! I have never wanted to leave a restaurant so badly. Ugh. So that's it. I quit! I am never going to meet someone in Chicago because frankly, the percentage of attractive guys here is uncommonly low, I'm talking like...6%. And the portion of guys within that percentage that are single is probably 1%. SO FML. I should just move back to Houston. Sometimes I literally sit and think about all the hot guys I just tossed aside because of some trivial flaw I found, and it makes me sick. What is wrong with me?!? I just want somebody to be with. And I don't think it makes me shallow if I prefer that he not be morbidly obese or covered in warts!! ((Sigh)) I know I am being very dramatic right now, but I need to vent.

Anyway, now let me tell you about my disaster weekend with the girls. Yes, that's right, it was a Grade A disaster. Bethany got here Wednesday afternoon. I took the train to the airport and met her in baggage claim. We were all excited and happy and the world is at our fingertips, yay!! Lol. So that night, I took her to my favorite restaurant which is now only 3 doors down. We get drinks and order appetizers and the whole time, she is texting her lame ass boyfriend. Finally I said something to her about it and she was like, "Sorry! It's just everyone wanted to know I made it here safe." So I let it slide...
Then we're trying to figure out what to do that night, because Bethany wants to do something Chicago-y. I had tried to get us tickets to a really popular show at the improv theater, but it was sold out. And then it hit me! The puppet show! (Improv puppet show at aforementioned improv theater)
Bethany says, "Whaaaat? No. I am not doing that."
"Dude, trust me. It's hilarious, and you'll love it."
And she did! HA!
Then we decided to go out for a couple drinks afterwards. I didn't want to stay out late, because I had my housewarming/birthday party the next day, and I knew we were going to be partying pretty hard the whole weekend, but some annoying guys were flirting with Bethany, and because she was enjoying the attention, she wanted to stay. So we did.
Bright and early the next morning, Carrie calls, her plane just landed. Bethany and I are still in bed. So I text Carrie the directions on how to take the train and what stop to get off at, etc, and I tell her I'll meet her at the train stop by my house. Bethany refuses to get out of bed. So I go get Carrie, and she's all smiles because this is her first trip to Chicago. So I take the girls to the lake. We lay out and relax, it's nice outside, and we're getting sun. The lake is still too cold to swim in though. So after a couple hours, we're all hungry and ready to get going. By this time, Bethany is starting to get a little tired, and...mopey. For lack of a better word. She hardly talks at all while we're at the restaurant and she complains about her panini, because it's "not what she was expecting it to be". So I ask her if something is wrong, because she seems to be acting weird and she says she's just tired. So I suggest she takes a nap while Carrie and I get ready for the party.
So we get back to my place (which looks GREAT by the way, and I couldn't be happier about that), and Bethany showers and gets in my bed. Carrie and I are making snacks, cleaning, and just you know, getting ready for the party. Of course during this time, we both have to shower, so obviously we have to go in my room. Well Bethany starts getting all pissy, cuz we're going in there while she's sleeping.
These are some of the things she said:

"OH MY GOD every time I finally fall asleep, one of you opens that door!"

Loud, obnoxious sighs and huffing.

"I swear to god, the next time one of you comes in here, I'm gonna punch you in the face."

"REALLY??"

Finally I was so fucking irritated with her, that I just didn't even wanna go in my own bedroom, which I realize now is completely ridiculous because she was being a total bitch. But I was looking forward to the party, and didn't want to get into it with her, because clearly she was cranky and needed a nap. Ugh.

Well the party went off without a hitch! It was a lot of fun, all my friends came, and we all got appropriately drunk and silly. It couldn't have gone more smoothly. Not to mention, everyone showed up with something, so now my fridge is stocked with enough beer and liquor to last me till the end of the summer. Lol.


Friday:
Bethany has taken up residence in my bedroom, forcing Carrie to sleep on the couch, even though I suggested they take turns. But I wasn't about to get in the middle of it. Well, on Tuesday, which is the day before Bethany got here, I discovered that I do not have central air in my apartment. I have a thermostat control thing on the wall, so I assumed I had AC, but apparently it's just for the heat. I just never realized it till Tuesday because the weather had been so nice so I hadn't needed to turn it on. Well a heat wave came through, of course, just in time for my friends coming and my party. And I didn't have $200 set aside to buy a window unit, and knowing the weather here, I figured it would just be a hot day or two, and we could ride it out. Well, Friday morning, I'm woken up to the sounds of Bethany bitching because it's so hot. She complains until I stand up on my bed and turn the fan up higher. Then I lay back down to sleep for at least another hour.
Then the fan starts making a clicking noise and Bethany says, "Um, I don't think I can deal with that."
So I say, "Well then you can fix it." And I roll over and go back to sleep. Or at least, I try. It was pretty hot in there. Bethany sighs audibly and stands up to turn the fan back down. Finally Carrie wakes up so we all get up. Bethany wants to go shopping, because she has to buy her boyfriend Cubs gear, blablabla annoying crap about her boyfriend blabla, I wanna go shopping blabla. Carrie and I don't really wanna go shopping, but we agree, because at least it gets us out of the house and doing something. So we shop. All. Goddamn. Day. I took them downtown because Carrie wanted to see the city, as she's never been here before. And I took them to the Hancock building, and up to the 96th floor, etc. And then Bethany wants to go in the Watertower mall, and shop some more. She chose only the most expensive boutiques, and Carrie and I were literally just sitting in benches waiting for her to try on outfit after outfit. It was like we were her handmaidens or something. And god knows how much money she spent... But Carrie and I get along really well and we're both goofy so we just entertained ourselves by being silly in between Bethany's appearances, "Do you think this skirt is long enough?"

Other quoteable Bethany quotes from the day:

"OMG I was looking through this rack of clothes for my size and this girl just came up right next to me and started looking through the same clothes! And I was like, 'Uh that's ok, I wasn't looking at that or anything!'"

"Do we have to walk there?"

"WHY is that chick staring at me!? WTF is her problem!? The people here are REALLY WEIRD."

"Why is it so cold?!"

"Why is it so hot?!"

"When you say it's close, like does that mean actually close??"


Finally, after a long day of walking, and shopping, and sightseeing, we head back to my side of town, exhausted and starving. So we decide to just do a nice relaxing dinner, and then maybe a nightcap if we're up to it. Because we're all too tired to do another crazy night of drinking. So I ask where they wanna eat, and Bethany says, "I want Italian!" So I suggest this place Abbie and I went to for brunch once. It's a great little restaurant. But Bethany insists on texting Carissa to ask her if she knows of any good places. Carissa suggested some place I'd never heard of, but I assured Bethany that the restaurant I suggested is awesome! So we end up going there, and surprisingly, Bethany loves it. Carrie and I suggest ordering a bottle of red wine, but no. Bethany only drinks white. So we get a bottle anyway just for the two of us. Hehe. Then Carissa comes, because Bethany invited her, and they spend the next hour talking amongst themselves and it's basically like just Carrie and I are out to dinner. Which was great!
So dinner is finally winding down, we're all stuffed and Carrie and I are just polishing off our bottle of wine, and we're contemplating dessert, when I notice someone standing behind me in my periph, and I turn around, and it's ALI!! SURPRISE!!
A pleasant surprise of course. :) Except that this means we're going out, and I'm so beat I feel like I'm gonna fall face first into my lasagna. But I'm determined to entertain, so we bar hop. And it was a pretty good night! We danced, we drank, we laughed, and Bethany stayed with Ali in her hotel. Which meant Carrie didn't have to sleep on the couch again. Even though it was still pretty hot in my apartment.

To Be Continued...

Disappointing Day

This morning, I was woken up by my phone ringing. Normally, I wouldn't answer, but it was Bethany, and I hadn't talked to her in a while, so I picked up. By the end of the conversation I was wishing I'd stayed asleep. ((Sigh))
She was calling to "forewarn" me that she might not be in town when I'm Houston in a couple weeks for Jenna's wedding. Because she just has to go see her boyfriend play baseball in whatever God-forsaken town his minor league team plays in. It's not like she doesn't go see him almost every fucking weekend! I'm just so pissed. I mean, every time I tell her to come visit me, she's always saying she can't because she has to use her vacation time to go see Tony, because her entire life suddenly revolves around him. Plus she missed my birthday last year for this exact same reason, and she's been telling me constantly how much she misses me, and she's known for MONTHS that I'm going to be in town in April, and now she's probably not even gonna be there. If she goes, I'm gonna be really pissed. Like...monumentally pissed. I don't even like Tony. He's so...desperate for attention, and immature and dramatic. And aggressive. He's always getting drunk and trying to start fights. Ugh... Bethany's just wasting her time and money flying to see him all the time.

On top of that, Sophie and I had plans to have dinner and go to the comedy show tonight, and she had to cancel because she got some really sad news. She and Brent's cat has a brain tumor. He's an old cat, but Brent has had him for like 10 years, so they're both pretty upset. Totally understandable. I'm sad too, and he's not even my cat. But it still sucks because I feel like I haven't seen Sophie in so long, and we finally had some solid plans, but of course they fell through. So here I am on my only night off with nothing to do but watch movies and feel sorry for myself. Blaaaaahhhhh...

Reconnecting

Bethany's Mom's memorial service was on Saturday. Ali and I rode together, and met up with Cameryn and a couple other girls. The service was beautiful, and of course very sad. The worst part was seeing Bethany walking down the church aisle, arm and arm with her father, both of them crying. All of us cried. How could we not? :(

I've been calling to check on Beth every day, just to see how she's doing. Actually, it's been nice to reconnect with her, even under the shitty circumstances, but I feel like it's bringing us closer together again. Bethany's boyfriend, Tony, canceled his flight back to New Orleans, so he's still here with her, and she seems like she's doing a lot better. The 3 of us met for happy hour yesterday at a sushi place. They were both trying to convince me to go to NOLA with them for New Year's Eve, but since my lease ends that day, and my dad is anxious to pack up the U-Haul and hit the road, I don't think traveling is going to be an option for me. Which really sucks, since all my friends are going out of town for NYE. Bethany and Tony are going to NOLA, Taryn, Dahmer, Carrie, Rory and George are all going to Austin, Ali is working... ((sigh)) So as of right now, it looks like I'm going to be spending NYE alone in an empty apartment. So much for my awesome dress and sparkly red shoes I bought for the occasion. I spent a whole day wallowing, crying intermittently and generally feeling sorry for myself when I realized this, but I'm pretty much over it now I guess. At least this week I am.

Maybe I'll wear my NYE outfit to our Second Annual White Elephant Sex Toy Christmas Cocktail Party instead. We're having it tomorrow, at Ben's house, just like last year. I invited Law School again, not as a date, but just in case he wants to come. But I dunno if he will. It should be fun though. Although I will be dateless.

Things with Gavin and I have been kind of weird lately too. He keeps blowing me off and I'm getting really sick of it. I guess at this point, it shouldn't really matter anyway, since I'm moving in like 2 weeks. So I've decided I'm just gonna stop talking to him all together. Sex once a month isn't worth the frustrations he's been putting me through recently. And it's not even like I'm mad at him, or feeling rejected, it's just the annoyance of being blown off by a friend, repeatedly. Ya know? It gets old after a while.

Anyway, I'm sure you guys are wondering what happened with Todd and I, so I hate to disappoint you, but the answer is nothing. He never called. ((Sigh)) I've thought about calling him, I just...haven't gotten around to it I guess. And I know he's so busy, I don't wanna call and then catch him at a bad time, and then he never calls me back. But I did hear from Laura. She wrote me back yesterday. I'll paste.

Peyton-

First of all I am so incredibly sorry it took me this long to respond. I promise I didn't do it intentionally!Thank you so much for writing to me, I've been meaning to write to you as well just never knew exactly what to say. Anyways I appreciate your apology and I understand (as much as one could) everything that you were going through. I would totally enjoy being friends with you again. So congrats on chicago and your scholarship and I hope to see you soon :)

And again so sorry this is so late!

Btw Todd is bartending at a bar in new orleans right now and let's just say he could really use your help! Lol He looks terrified!

Laura

I was so relieved to find out she doesn't hate me, or hold a grudge against me. I immediately wrote her back.

Laura,

So good to hear from you, Laura! I'm glad you don't hate me, haha. Don't really know what to think about Todd bartending other than...why?? Lol. But thanks for the congratulations, I am really excited! MIGHT be going to nola for NYE with Bethany, so maybe I will see you! And def shoot me a text if you're gonna be out in HTown any time soon!

Peyton

So now that I know how she feels, I'm not as nervous to talk to Todd. Maybe I'll give him a call tonight...

What Can I Do?

Today has been crazy...

I got a call from Bethany around 4, I was getting ready for my therapist appointment. She said she had just gotten a call at work, that her mom had suffered a heart attack at work (she works in a hospital). Her boyfriend, Tony, was on his way to pick her up from work and drive her there. And of course, she was totally freaking out, and nervous, and upset. I tried to calm her down, and reassure her. Her mom is the director of surgery, she'll definitely get the best doctors and the best care, and she's young, so she has that in her favor, etc...

Then Tony pulled up so she had to let me go, but I told her to keep me posted on everything. So I went to therapy, and at the end of our session, I was getting out my phone, to check my calendar, when I saw I had a text from Bethany.

"My mom passed away."

I was so shocked I had to sit back down. All I could think about was how awful she must feel, and how that could be me, that could have been my mom. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I immediately called her as soon as I left the building. She seemed numb, deadpan, and it was obvious that she'd been crying. I asked her what happened, and she said that her mom had been in meetings with doctors all day, everyone said she seemed fine, and in a good mood. Then in the middle of her meeting, she started having what looked like seizure. She was shaking and her eyes rolled back into her head, and then she went into cardiac arrest. Of course, being in a room full of doctors, they immediately sprang into action and she was in ICU being prepped for surgery moments later. The surgery turned up no blockages, or anything that could have caused her heart attack. It's a total mystery. But she was weak afterwards, and on life support, which could only sustain her for about an hour, until she finally passed. Luckily Bethany was there by that time. I didn't ask if she got to say any goodbyes, or talk to her. I just still can't believe it.

I told her if there was anything she needed at all, just to name it. And she said she was ok, and with family, and she'd call me back later.

After that, I called my mom, just to tell her I love her.

I talked to Bethany 4 times today, since it happened. The second time, she balled, and said she just didn't know how to process it. And the 3rd and 4th time she seemed detached once again, clearly in shock.

I've never had anyone close to me die. And I can't even imagine losing a parent. Especially at 25. Omg, I would lose it. My heart goes out to her completely. I just don't know what to do, or what to say, really. I mean, I can't really relate, and I'm not going to pretend to understand what she's going through. I guess all I can do is be there for her really.

Please everyone keep my friend's family in your prayers. Bethany has a brother, and her mom and dad were still together, and were very much in love from what I understand. I imagine her father is taking it horribly. Bethany even mentioned moving back home to be with him.

I just wish there was something more I could do. Does anyone have any ideas??? I'm totally clueless when it comes to this stuff. ((Tear))

So I Met This Guy...

So my 4th of July weekend was pretty relaxed. Well...most of it anyway. Bethany and I finally talked and worked things out. Apparently we'd both been feeling a little slighted by each other. And we both apologized and promised to hang out and call each other more. And so far, so good!
Sunday, a small group of us went out on the boat, but we didn't bring the wakeboards or the tube or anything cuz we figured there would be too many people out on the lake. Even though it ended up being a very quiet day at the lake. But we just docked on the sandbar and hung out. We only stayed for a few hours, since we didn't really have anything to do, so we got back well before dark. Then we all went home, washed up and met for dinner. Summer had to leave early to go to work, but Bethany and I, Ben, and some of his friends all headed out to the Washington strip for drinks. I wasn't intending to stay out too late, because even though I didn't have to go to work the next day, I figured I would anyway, just to get the hours.
But then I met Kevin. Lol. Kevin is a friend of a friend, and as it turns out, we have a lot of friends in common, including Bethany, and I still can't fathom how it is that we've never met before now! But I saw Bethany stop to say hi to him, and when she got back to the table, I immediately asked her who he was. He's about 6 feet tall, dark hair, dark eyes, olive skin, a boyish smile, and a great sense of style. Meaning, he doesn't go out in True Religion jeans and a button up shirt like every other douchebag on Washington.
So as soon as I expressed my interest to Bethany, she insisted we go over and talk to them, so that I could meet him. And we did! After a while, Bethany left us to go back to the table where Ben and his friends were sitting, but I stayed to hang out with Kevin and Dave, our mutual friend. Dave tends to get a little crazy when he drinks, ordering shots for everyone, etc. And I was feeling a little tired, so we immediately took a couple shots, "to wake me up". Haha. It wasn't exactly the right setting for Kevin and I to sit and talk, but Dave insisted that I go with them to the next bar. So I said I would talk to my friends, and hopefully meet them there. And they left.
Well, when we got to the next bar, they had already moved on! And I had no idea where they'd gone, so I texted Dave. And he must have been a bit tipsy by this point, because as many time as I told him I didn't drive, and I didn't have a car, he kept telling me to come meet them at Nox. And Nox was not walking distance from where I was! Finally Dave said his phone was about to die, and to text Kevin. He gave me Kevin's number, and I immediately texted him. But by this time, it was about 1am. Bethany had already turned in for the night, and I ended up running into a bunch of people from my bar, so I just hung out with them. Kevin was texting me that he wanted to come meet me, but he couldn't find Dave, and he needed to close the tab.
Well, at the end of the night, we were still texting, but I never saw him again, and I ended up going home, still with good intentions of going to work the next day.
Yea, that didn't happen! Lol. I was way too tired when my alarm went off, three and a half hours later! So I just stayed home. Oh well, National Holiday, I thought to myself as I rolled over and went back to sleep.

So the past 3 days that have gone by, Kevin and I have been texting each other back and forth. And I've been trying, quite unsuccessfully, to get a read on him. I even tried pumping Dave for information, but he was no help. He just kept telling me to "hang out with him, make friends, and see what happens." Or to just "get drunk and have sex with him. Bahaha." ((sigh))
And although Kevin has continued to engage me in text message conversations, there hasn't been any talk of hanging out! So by yesterday afternoon I was really starting to lose my patience with him. So finally I just asked, "Sooo...did you wanna hang out or something, or what?"
Kevin: Yes, I do...
Kevin: I have to get fitted for new running shoe inserts at 6-7.
Me: Lol you're a dork. Well I didn't mean like...right now.
Kevin: Haha ya, a huge dork.
Me: Well don't worry, we have that in common.
Kevin: Well I'm taking back the huge dork part, maybe just a little. haha.
Me: Awe!

At this point, I went over to Bethany's to have dinner and hang out, since she was leaving for Florida, to visit her boyfriend the next day. So Kevin didn't respond for a while. But then around 8, I got another text from him.

Kevin: Got my new sneakers you want to run in the rain?!
Me: Lol it's not raining anymore!

Another hour goes by...

Kevin: You missed the run and I still have no help unpacking.
Me: Ahh that's a shame! Well I was helping Bethany pack for her trip. I can help you unpack tomorrow if ya want!
Kevin: Sounds like a great idea!

Kevin is in the process of moving into a new place, so he's been spending most of his free time moving and unpacking boxes, with no help. :( So the other day, I told him I might be persuaded to help him unpack, and he said, "I think I can work on that!"

So we finally have plans tonight! I think... I hope...
I'm gonna take it slow with him. Bethany said he's a relationship kinda guy, and Dave said he's not a player, and I dunno, I think I'm a relationship kinda girl. So I'm just gonna see what happens. I'm obviously NOT going to sleep with him, but a kiss? Maybe... :)

I'll keep you guys posted!

Goodbye

I can't stop crying. I'm on the verge of hyperventilating. Summer and Bethany found a cell phone in a cab tonight. And it just happens to be Law School's. What are the fucking chances???
They read me most of the text messages between him and Melissa, which go back like 3 weeks. She told him everything I said. About how I had feelings for him, I was just trying to suppress them.. That whole conversation I posted!!! She fucking sent it to him!!! Just like Jayme did. And they even joked about who's friend I was. Now they both talk like I'm some psycho, and she is supposedly my "Best friend??"" Who does that??

I'm sorry if you guys don't understand where I'm coming from.

I can't write in this blog anymore. i just can't deal with everything I'm being forced to deal with, on top of all the criticism.
I can't trust anyone.
Not even my "best friend".

So this is it.
I'm done.

Cloud 9

The last couple days I've been on Cloud 9!
Except for Friday. I worked at the bar that night, and it was really slow. And Brandon had the night off because it was his slore's birthday. And of course, they showed up. Ugh. I also found out that she is his GIRLFRIEND; he's actually in a relationship with this nasty piece of white trash, and for some reason it really upset me. I mean, all that bullshit he spat to me about not being able to balance a relationship, and GOLF, and the fact that he NEVER took off work for my birthday... At my birthday party, he was a total ass!! ((sigh))
Whatever. I don't know why it even bothers me, but having to look at her stupid, pasty white, ugly, squishy face, just makes something erupt inside of me and I just wanna set her on fire! One other strange thing happened Friday. Rusty was there. His band was playing. And I haven't seen him since...well since I dropped him off after the big hurricane over a year ago. He dyed his hair black, wears wayyy too much eyeliner and he looks completely emaciated. Probably from the drugs. Who knows, but he looks like a total emo freak! And he came up to me during their set break and was hitting on me! Telling me how he moved, and he has a new bedroom, with a 60 inch TV and nobody to watch movies with. Ugh...
When we were counting tips at the end of the night, he actually walked to the back and asked me to come over and watch a movie with him!! In front of everyone! I had to laugh, I was so incredulous. He still doesn't have a car, or a phone!! Some things never change... He even texted me at 7:30 am from some yahoo messaging program, wanting to talk! I was asleep, and didn't get the message till the next morning, but needless to say, I didn't write him back.

Anyways, Saturday was MUCH better. Bethany and I finally got together for lunch. It was really great. We talked about everything. Her breakup, Miami, Todd, her new love interest... And I realized how much I've actually missed her. I guess I just needed a break from all the drama. But I love Bethany, I always will, and I'm glad to have her back. :)

Work was awesome on Saturday night, too. First off, it was totally slammed! Secondly, Todd came in to see me, with a group of his friends, and finally, Brandon was there to witness it all. ((Evil grin))
I bought Todd a bottle of champagne, since I know how much he likes it now. Haha! He stood over on my end of the bar, and hung out with me. We took shots together, and it was just really fun! But then I got sent to the back bar, cuz their computer went down, and I got stuck back there for the rest of the night. But Todd came back there to say bye to me at the end of the night, and we ended up making really good money too.
Since I had promised Todd I'd go to church on Sunday, if he went, (for old time's sake!) I literally got 2.5 hours of sleep Saturday night! I got home at 5:30am that night, since we'd been so busy, and we had to do inventory. Then I had to get up at 8 to shower, get ready and drive all the way down to the south side of town, where our church is.
Todd's family and mine sat together, just like we always used to. It was really nice. I felt so...happy! I can't even explain it. As tired as I was, I was really glad to be there. It just felt right. Todd sat on one side of me, and his mom sat on my other side, so that she could chat with my mom. During the offering, she leaned over and asked me if Todd and I wanted to get lunch after church. Of course we both agreed.
But when church ended, it literally took us 30 minutes to get out of there because of all the people bombarding Todd in the narthex! It was crazy! But we finally made it out, and headed to our favorite Mexican restaurant, which is conveniently situated between both of our parents' neighborhoods.
I went to my parents house for a bit afterwards and my mom told me, that Todd's mom told her, that everyone at church was asking if Todd and I are dating.

"And she smiled a little bit too when she said it, like...??" My mom said.

I rolled my eyes. "Ok mom, you've made your point."

"Well I just think maybe you and Todd should get together! And I think his mom thinks so too." She pressed.

"Ok well, Todd's mom just loves fixing people up! It's like her hobby!"

"Yea, but I know she loves you, and you and Todd get along so well, and you make him laugh, and you guys have fun together, why not??"

I sighed. "I don't know, Mom." I said.

I didn't feel like explaining all the complications to her. She doesn't know for sure how I really feel about Todd, but I'm pretty sure she suspects.

When I finally got home around 6:30, I got in bed with Jasper, watched a couple episodes of Glee on DVD and then crashed. I'm still really tired though, and I'm not too sure when I'll get caught back up on my sleep. Todd is headed to Dallas today to start house hunting. But he'll be back this weekend, for the joint Birthday/Superbowl party on Saturday. Lucky for me, I'm off work at the bar that night, so I'll be there! I'm working on a really awesome present for Todd too. His birthday is the 2nd week in March. Cookoff is this week too. I have a feel the next 2 weeks are gonna be pretty awesome and I can't wait!

Tough Love

So last night, right after I got in bed of course, I get a text from Bethany that says, "I'm moving in ;)" and I'm like, FUUUUUUUUUUCK.

So I call her, just...completely frustrated and exasperated. I just wanted to go to sleep!
So I'm like, "Look, I really don't think you moving in here is a good idea."

"Why?"

I sighed, "Because of a lot of things that we need to talk about I just didn't wanna bring it up before, because you had so much other stuff going on, and I didn't wanna pile anything else on your plate."

"I gotta go." She said quickly and hung up.

Whatever! I thought, and I laid back down and pulled the covers up over my head.
Ten minutes later, the phone rang. Bethany.

"Hello?"
"Ok so...why don't you think it's a good idea that I move in with you?" She asked in an accusing tone.

"Because, lately I've been feeling like this is a one-sided friendship! As soon as I started this new job, it was like you just...replaced me with Summer! And I'm not jealous of Summer or anything, it's just... No one ever calls me anymore, nobody returns my phone calls, you guys are always doing stuff, and I never know what's going on. And it's like...you don't even care what's going on in my life! And I mean, after I took you to the game, I never saw you or heard from you again, it was like you didn't even appreciate it! And then I go all this time without hearing from you, and as soon as you break up with Tugg and you need me to be there for you, then you start calling me again."

"Ok, first of all, I did thank you, several times while we were there, for taking me to the game. And you were talking shit about me, right in front of my face, to your mom on the phone, on the way home!"

"No. I wasn't talking shit. I was pissed off, and you knew exactly why, and I had absolutely no problem saying that in front of you! I mean, you knew why I was there. I wanted to watch Todd play, and I wanted to get there early, but none of you cared about that when you were curling your hair and putting on your fake eyelashes! What that said to me, was you didn't appreciate it, and you were only worried about yourself."

"Well I'm sorry, " She huffed, "But I did appreciate you taking me, and the phone works 2 ways, Peyton! You could have called me too! And I can't believe you're sitting here telling me what a shitty friend I am when I'm dealing with a crisis here! I just ended a 6 year relationship with the man I thought I was going to marry!"

"See, THIS is exactly what I'm talking about. I don't think you're a "shitty friend". And I know you're dealing with a lot of stuff! And that's why I never said anything, but it's like you've been so selfish lately! You can't see anything outside your own bubble, Bethany. And how many times are you going to do this back and forth shit? I mean think about Tugg! Think about what you're doing to him! I mean, you break up, then you get back together, then you continue talking to Ben's cousin, even though you know it's a bad idea. Every time you do this, you call me wanting my advice, but you never listen! So what's the point?? If you have to break up with Tugg, fine! But don't keep stringing him along and dragging everybody else into your shit, because it's not fair to him, and it's not fair to your friends! How are we supposed to be there for you when you do this so much it's exasperating!? How am I supposed to know when to take you seriously? That's why I don't think it's a good idea for you to move in. Because...I just don't think it's in the best interest of our friendship right now. And I do love you, and I do value our friendship, but I just think you need to do this on your own."

Bethany sighed and I could feel her deflating. I knew I'd been a little bit hard on her, but I really felt like she needed to hear that. Better coming from me, someone who does really care about her, than from someone else though, right?
After that, we talked a little bit longer, and we both agreed that we both need to put more effort into our friendship. Tugg was in Vegas this past weekend and when he came back, she told him she just wasn't in love with him anymore. And I guess he was tired of yelling and crying about it, so he just said ok. And I'm not really that surprised about it, because I'm sure Tugg realized on his trip, that being single isn't the worst thing in the world. And hopefully Bethany will realize that soon too.
I made sure to tell her I loved her before we hung up. She told me to call her tomorrow. I feel really guilty for telling her she can't move in but...I just have too much going on to deal with that. I work so much, I hardly have time to clean, and I really value my time alone to unwind. I'm used to having a place to myself, and I feel like having a roommate at this point in my life, so last minute, will just...stress me out. I'm trying to minimize the drama in my life, not make it worse. And her moving in would definitely not help. Plus, my spare room is for my photography studio, and that's what I've been using it for! If she were to move in, where would I put all that stuff?? I'm talking 10 feet long backdrops, lights, boomers, all kinds of equipment! I would have no place to put it, and that would just stress me out too. And I told her that on the phone too. So I think she understands. I hope she does. And while I feel relieved that I finally got all that stuff off my chest, and I feel like I can really forgive Bethany and things can go back to being the way they were, why do I feel so guilty??

Am I abandoning my friend in a time of need??

I Got The Blues

Alyssa and Russ had an engagement party and didn't even invite me. I mean, wtf!?? I've been friends with both of them since they first got together. It's not enough that she excluded me from the wedding party, but now she's excluding me from her engagement party??
I'm really, really hurt. She hasn't even called, or Facebooked me or anything. I'm almost at the point where I just wanna be like, "Fuck it" and delete her phone number, delete her from my FB friends, just...completely write her off. Because that's obviously what she's done to me.
How can people be like that??
My mom says I depend too much on my friends, and I should rely more on my family. I'm starting to think she's right. I just don't get it. I thought friends were supposed to be there for each other, no matter what. But apparently, I'm the only one who views friendship that way. You really can't count on anyone these days. No one but yourself. And that's just plain sad.
I mean, I still count Cecilia as one of my best friends, even though we hardly ever see each other. But I still see her as being in my wedding, if I ever get married. And she says the same of me. I wish Cecilia and I could hang out more. I really miss her. But she lives like an hour away, and has a daughter, and I work so much... ((sigh)) I wish I could ask her to the Superbowl. But she wouldn't be able to go anyways... She recently got laid off at her job, so I doubt she has money to blow, and then of course there's her daughter. But she's the hugest Colts fan. Lol. Seriously. So I know it would be lots of fun if she came with me. Ahhh, wishful thinking... I already decided I'm gonna ask my Dad anyway. Which reminds me, after I talk to Todd tonight, I have to call Law School. Should I let him give me an answer first, or should I just tell him I'm taking my Dad before he even says anything? He's pissin' me off, seriously. Izzie says his reluctance is because he thinks I like him, like him, and he's afraid I'll assume, or expect things if he comes. FUCKIN' STUPID! OMG. Get over yourself. I wish I could tell him that. But it's not even worth it.

Things with Bethany and I are starting to get back to normal...sort of. I mean I'm getting over it. But I don't think things will ever be the same as they were between us, because I kind of feel like I've finally seen her true colors. And my opinions of her have sort of...warped. She's very selfish. And I don't like that.
But anyway, I think I was just fed up with her before, but now that she's over her drama, I can talk to her without getting so frustrated I wanna scream. We went to the movies last night, with Ali. We saw It's Complicated. I didn't really wanna see that movie, but it's the one Ali picked, and I actually really liked it! It was hilarious! The kids were horrible actors though. And Jim from The Office seemed like he was trying a little too hard. Poor guy. He will always just be Jim from The Office.

Speaking of The Office, I should probably get back to work. Any advise about Alyssa??

Answers

I am so pissed off already and it's not even 9:30am yet!!
Last night, me, Ali, Taryn and Bethany went to see The Lovely Bones (I thought it was excellent!) and Ali and I got there first, so we were sitting and chatting. Ali is a teacher by day, bartender by night. And she was asking me if I was scheduled to work this Sunday.
"Probably not, I mean I haven't seen the schedule yet but, Sunday isn't on my availability. Plus, that would put me at like 65 hours this week."
"Well they scheduled me, and I'm pissed."
"Seriously?? They usually ask me first if they need me to work a shift I normally can't work."
"Yea, same here, but nobody asked me."
"Great...well I guess I really need to find out my schedule."

So when I got home, I texted one of my coworkers and asked him to text me my schedule. And this morning when I woke up, there it was: Friday @10, Saturday @10, Sunday @2.

WHAT!? SUNDAY AT 2?? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!??

That means, not only am I getting NO DAYS OFF this week, but I have to spend 6 hours working with Izzie on Saturday, then I have to bartend, and I'm gonna get home Saturday night at like...5:30am, and then I'm gonna have to get up 6 and a half hours later and go to work AGAIN. And since there's a playoff game at 6, I'll probably be there till AT LEAST halftime! Who knows how late I'll get stuck there on Sunday! And then I have to get up at 5:30am the next morning!!!

I am so livid right now. So much bullshit has been going on over there and it's like...they treat me like I'm a newbie or something. I am literally going to be working 13 straight days in a row with no day off. FUCK! That's 65 hours this week, and WHO KNOWS how many next week!!

So I'm thinking about this on my drive to work, and by the time I got here, I was pretty fucking pissed. So I start writing an email, to Mr. S and Mr. P. And as I'm typing this email, my boss comes over, and asks, "So where are we with the Florida sites?"
I immediately minimized my email, and gave him my full attention, of course.

"Well I reviewed the emails you sent me, but since we made that spreadsheet for you last week, we haven't really looked at them...I mean I've had a bunch of new requests come in this week that I've been working on."

"So where are we with the Florida sites??" He asks in a really smartass way, with a stupid smirk on his stupid unshaven face! Did I mention before that he grows facial hair like a 15 year old and he NEVER SHAVES! WTF??? If I was a dude, and my "beard" looked that retarded, I would never leave the house without shaving. Ugh.

So I say, "Well...what do you mean??" Because obviously the answer I gave him wasn't good enough. Again, WTF?!

And then he's like, "Well we need to get going on those."

WOW. THANK YOU FOR BEING SO SPECIFIC. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO NOW.
OMG I HATE HIM!!!

I know I complain about my job too much, and I should be thankful because millions of people don't have jobs, etc...but... I seriously need to get the FUCK out of here. I hate this job. I hate it. My boss is an idiot, and I'm underpaid and overqualified for this bullshit. Uuuugggghhhh!!!

Anyways, here's the email I wrote to my other bosses. I haven't sent it to them yet though. I forwarded it to Ali first so she could read it and give me her opinions. She says it's a little too direct and she's going to edit it for me. But here's the rough draft.

Ok, the reason I'm emailing you guys, is because it seems like this is the only way I can get a response out of you. I really would like to know why I'm not able to pick up shifts at the shot bar and the Washington bar. Mr. S, I've asked you this several times, but you're always either too busy, or I get a brush off or ignored. Am I being punished for something?? Cuz it sure seems like it.
I mean look at the facts: Ali, Aaron, Brandon, Taryn, and Sierra ALL pick up shifts at the other bars. And 2 of those people haven't even been working for this company as long as I have. I just don't get it. Maybe you guys haven't even put any thought into it at all, so I'm bringing it to your attention. I mean, I work hard, I'm always on time, I don't no call/no show, which is more than I can say for a lot of people that are currently working there. And now I'm back to getting 10pm shifts every Saturday. I know I have a day job now, but so do Ali and Aaron! And their shifts don't seem to be suffering. I mean, obviously I WANT to work for your guys, otherwise I would have quit when I started this new job. And I don't know if you guys realized this, but I'm looking at working 65 hours this week, with NO day off, since you scheduled me Sunday. Ali probably is too.
Anyways, my whole point to this email is, I just kind of feel like I've been swept under the rug. If I work hard and do my job the way I'm supposed to (which I DO), why are people who DON'T do those things, being rewarded, instead of me? I mean, I could sit here and give you a list of things you should probably know about a lot of your new bartenders. Most of them have no clue what they're doing, most of the time. But I don't care about that, I just don't want to be filed away with those people. So will somebody PLEASE give me some answers!

Thanks,
Peyton

As soon as Ali writes me back, I'm sending that email. After reading back through it, it probably is a little harsh. And I don't wanna come off as bitchy or confrontational. I just want answers.

C'est La Vie

You guys are kind of cracking me up, doing all this research to find out who Todd is. But let me just set something straight. I have taken a lot of measures to keep his identity secret. Changed dates, names etc... So even if you think you're sure you know what team he plays for, you're most likely wrong. And even if you DO figure it out, (which, you probably could, if you were really thorough) I will neither confirm, nor deny. I mean, think about it. The consequences of someone figuring out who Todd is could be catastrophic! It could get leaked to the press, or he could find out about it and read my blog, and read all the stuff I secretly think about him and his relationship with Laura, or Laura could read it and decide she really does hate me... I mean, it just...wouldn't be good. Plus, I just... I respect Todd, and I don't want to exploit him in any way. Sometimes I panic about this stuff, cuz I honestly never expected his team to be so good. I mean to say I didn't anticipate it would come all the way down to the Superbowl! And on the one hand, I think it would be so much easier, if I could just say what team he plays for, but then you would all somehow figure out which player he is, and some rude, inconsiderate anonymous person would post his picture, or something, and all hell would break loose. Todd is my best friend, ok? I don't want to put our friendship at stake because of a blog. I will stop blogging if this gets out. That's how seriously I'm taking this.

So, moving on!
I actually had a long phone conversation with Law School last night. Last week, we made a deal, that if he would let me come over and use his washer/dryer, I'd do his laundry for him too. Lol. So we had plans to do laundry last night. But he was still stuck at work at 7:30pm, and I was already in my PJ's, eating dinner. Around 10, I was in bed with a book, when he called.

"Peyton."

"Yyyyyes?"

"I'm so sorry I took so long. I just got home! We're trying to buy out this company, and it's just taking forever, and my boss told me I was gonna have to stay late."

"You're a workaholic, ya know that? I sure hope you like your job."

"I love my job! It's just...very time consuming."

"Well that's good. I wish I could say that same..."

We talked for about an hour. About work, personality tests, and football. Lol. Twas an interesting conversation! I told him how I almost asked him to go to the game with me this past weekend, and he just about ripped me a new one. Lol.

"Well you had mentioned you were gonna be busy all weekend, and I needed somebody to commit to the trip right then!" I defended myself.

"Well you still should have asked! I would have cleared my weekend for that!" He said.

"Hmm well sorry!"

Then he asked me if I was going to the game this weekend, and I explained to him how Todd offered, but that I needed to save my money and days off for the Superbowl, if they go.

"You're going to the Superbowl??" He asked, "How are you gonna get tickets for that!?"

"Todd, DUH." I said. "You wanna go?"

"Uh...YEA, that would be so fucking awesome. Free tickets?"

"No, half price. And my sister has first dibs, but now she's not sure if she's gonna be able to make it so...if you wanna go, you better start thinkin' about it."

"Well..how long do I have to think about this? Cuz seriously, that would be kickass."

"Well, if they win this weekend's game, I'm gonna buy a plane ticket to Miami ASAP."

"Hmmm...ok."

"But Sophie has first dibs!" I reminded him.

"Ok yea that's cool."

Our conversation was very relaxed, and normal. Just like it used to be. Which was quite a relief. And also why I blurted out "wanna go to the Superbowl?" Because if I had been overanalyzing everything he said, like I was doing last week, I never would have asked him. But at this point, we're back to just being friends, which really is a weight off my shoulders, cuz I don't have to worry about things being weird. And I think it would be pretty cool if he came to the Superbowl with me. I mean, no drama, that's for sure!
Speaking of drama, Bethany has finally noticed that I've stopped making any attempts to talk to her. And it's not like I've been giving her the cold shoulder or anything I just...got fed up. Ya know? I needed a break. But I finally talked to her yesterday, on my way home from work, and she asked me about my trip and everything. I still haven't told her how I've been feeling, but we're gonna try to get together for dinner soon, so I guess I'll bring it up then. I also had a Facebook comment from Summer saying "HEY! I MISS YOU!" when I got home. I wonder if she and Bethany had a conversation about me recently??

Izzie is coming into town this weekend, and she wants to get together for a meeting about the ad agency, and honestly, I really don't want to. I mean, I don't live in Austin, I don't know the market area there, and I really don't have anything to contribute to these conference calls and meetings! It just feels like a waste of my time! And that's just one more thing I have to do this week. One less day of relaxing, which if you recall, I only get like...1 and a half! ((Sigh)) And of course, I don't wanna tell Izzie any of these things, cuz she's my friend, and I don't wanna hurt her feelings, or make her feel like this whole business plan is a waste of time, it's just.... She seems to think this whole thing is just going to liftoff! Just with a snap of her fingers. And it's not. It's going to be a long time before we get a real client base and start making any profits. And she keeps talking about me moving to Austin and it's like...I can't just quit my job and uproot my whole life for something like that! I wouldn't do that unless A) it was a sure thing or B) I was really depressed and/or frustrated with my life and on impulse decided to pack everything and go.
And B is kind of the way I was feeling when Izzie and I first started discussing this business. I mean, Brandon and I had just broken up, I was lonely, and at a new job where I didn't know anybody, I mean... you know!
I'm not saying I don't wanna do the ad agency anymore, cuz I do! I just don't wanna make any sacrifices for it at this time, because I just don't think that would smart at this point. But...here I am, having a meeting with Izzie on my day off, and I know I'm just gonna wish I was sleeping. ((Sigh)) C'est la vie...