Tuesday, December 7, 2010

What Can I Do?

Today has been crazy...
I got a call from Bethany around 4, I was getting ready for my therapist appointment. She said she had just gotten a call at work, that her mom had suffered a heart attack at work (she works in a hospital). Her boyfriend, Tony, was on his way to pick her up from work and drive her there. And of course, she was totally freaking out, and nervous, and upset. I tried to calm her down, and reassure her. Her mom is the director of surgery, she'll definitely get the best doctors and the best care, and she's young, so she has that in her favor, etc...
Then Tony pulled up so she had to let me go, but I told her to keep me posted on everything. So I went to therapy, and at the end of our session, I was getting out my phone, to check my calendar, when I saw I had a text from Bethany.

"My mom passed away."

I was so shocked I had to sit back down. All I could think about was how awful she must feel, and how that could be me, that could have been my mom. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I immediately called her as soon as I left the building. She seemed numb, deadpan, and it was obvious that she'd been crying. I asked her what happened, and she said that her mom had been in meetings with doctors all day, everyone said she seemed fine, and in a good mood. Then in the middle of her meeting, she started having what looked like seizure. She was shaking and her eyes rolled back into her head, and then she went into cardiac arrest. Of course, being in a room full of doctors, they immediately sprang into action and she was in ICU being prepped for surgery moments later. The surgery turned up no blockages, or anything that could have caused her heart attack. It's a total mystery. But she was weak afterwards, and on life support, which could only sustain her for about an hour, until she finally passed. Luckily Bethany was there by that time. I didn't ask if she got to say any goodbyes, or talk to her. I just still can't believe it.
I told her if there was anything she needed at all, just to name it. And she said she was ok, and with family, and she'd call me back later.
After that, I called my mom, just to tell her I love her.
I talked to Bethany 4 times today, since it happened. The second time, she balled, and said she just didn't know how to process it. And the 3rd and 4th time she seemed detached once again, clearly in shock.
I've never had anyone close to me die. And I can't even imagine losing a parent. Especially at 25. Omg, I would lose it. My heart goes out to her completely. I just don't know what to do, or what to say, really. I mean, I can't really relate, and I'm not going to pretend to understand what she's going through. I guess all I can do is be there for her really.
Please everyone keep my friend's family in your prayers. Bethany has a brother, and her mom and dad were still together, and were very much in love from what I understand. I imagine her father is taking it horribly. Bethany even mentioned moving back home to be with him.
I just wish there was something more I could do. Does anyone have any ideas??? I'm totally clueless when it comes to this stuff. ((Tear))


~J said...

I'm sorry to hear about Bethany's mom. Her family will be in my prayers.

I can understand how Bethany feels when she learned that her mom had a heart attack. My mom had a heart attack a few years ago and it was very scary for our family. So from my own point of view, nothing anyone says or does helps, after a while all the words just become a blur. But, knowing you have friends to lean on and cry to is comforting.
Keep letting her know that you're there for her incase she needs anything, even if it's to just sit with her while she mourns or to talk to.
I can't say that I understand how Bethany feels about losing her mom though, because my mom eventually pulled through.
Losing someone close to you is horrible no matter when it happens, but it's even worse when it's this time of year.
The only advice I can give is, just keep in constant contact with her, checking on her often. If her dad isn't up to making all the decisions for the funeral, and Bethany has to help, offer to help her, too. Just be the friend that you'd like someone to be for you in a time like this.
Again, I'm so sorry this has happened to her and her family.

Krystin said...

Oh God I'm so sorry!!! That is absolutely awful. Don't stress over what you can do for her. Just keep in contact with her and let her know you are there for here anytime. Let her talk to you or cry on your shoulder. Just be her friend. I'll keep her and her family in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Everyone handles a loss like that differently. All you can do as a friend is be there for her for whatever she needs.
She will probably go through phases, sometimes want to talk about it, sometimes want to be distracted so she doesn't have to think about it for a little while.
Just let her know whatever she is feeling at any moment, it is okay.
I lost my sister four years ago and usually what I needed from my friends is a distraction from the sadness. But it is nice to know if I needed to talk about it, they would listen.