Wednesday, November 12, 2014

All Work and No Play...

Well it turns out Taryn lost the baby. She was having problems, and when she went in for an ultrasound, there was no heartbeat. The baby had stopped developing. So she had to have surgery. Even though I am relieved for her in the sense that she wasn't prepared for a baby, I'm also really sad, and worried about her. The same thing happened to Jenna this past summer, and she was devastated. Granted, she and Justin have been trying to have another baby for a while, and that wasn't her first miscarriage. I just know it can sometimes take a while for it to sink in. But Taryn seems to be doing fine. She and Dahmer are apparently still together (ugh) and she says he's been great, but now that they don't have a baby coming, we'll see how long that lasts...

I've been keeping busy with work, but I'm awfully lonely here most of the time. Other than my family, and Bethany, I don't know anybody here, and my job isn't exactly conducive to making friends, which is unfortunate. Somehow I gotta get myself out there and meeting people. Any ideas? Oh yea, I've also adopted a cat, so my transition into full-blown cat lady is finally beginning. Although I must say, I'm not a cat person. I mean I adopted for the right reasons, and Jasper seems to enjoy having some company when I'm gone. His fascination with Hobbes (cat) is infinite. But Hobbes and I haven't really...bonded. And sometimes he's mean to Jasper for no reason, which pisses me off. Like, Jasper will be laying on the bed, minding his own business, then Hobbes will jump up and bite him! For no reason! And then Jasper jumps down cuz he's scared, the big baby. Any of you cat people have experience with this? How long does it take to feel bonded with a cat?? I mean, I love all animals, don't get me wrong, I just feel like I've learned something about myself. And that is that I am not a cat person. But he's mine now and it's not like I'm going to take him back to the shelter just because we haven't totally hit it off. Maybe it will get better with time? ((Sigh))

Well I'm heading to Houston for Thanksgiving this year. I get to meet Dad's new girlfriend. Yay. (Can you sense the sarcasm?) Other than that, I don't really have much news. God, when did my life become so...boring?!

Monday, October 6, 2014

What Else Can I DO???

Taryn is pregnant. With her horrible ex's baby. He dumped her like a year ago, and all this time they've been on-again, off-again, her hoping he would take her back for real this time. So many times he came crawling back to her with promises of going to therapy, and promises of change, but he just keeps screwing her over, and she just keeps taking him back! It's sooooo frustrating. He's turned her into one of those desperate, pathetic girls who goes through his phone constantly, and contacts all the girls he dates on facebook, telling them to stay away. She is THAT GIRL. And now she's pregnant, and part of me can't help but wonder, "Did she do this on purpose?" Because when it comes to him, I'm just not sure what she's capable of anymore! She's only 6 weeks, but I think she thinks she's going to get her happy ending with him and this baby. She says that he's "on board with it" and he even went to the doctor with her. Well that's what a supportive father-to-be is supposed to do!! He doesn't deserve a medal for that, I mean COME ON!!! And he's still talking to other girls, and she knows it. She just chooses to turn a blind eye! It's only a matter of time now before she catches him in a lie, or catches him talking to some other girl, or goes through his phone and finds something she's not gonna like.
Why do some girls do this to themselves?? I really don't understand!
Let me just paint you a picture of Taryn, ok? She has the perfect body. She works out constantly. She's about 5'6", looooooong beautiful, thick brown hair, one of those really dazzling smiles. She's one of those girls that really is actually sweet. She's compassionate, and considerate and kind. She's fun, and outgoing, but never overbearing. She does love kids, I'll give her that. She has 3 nieces that she just adores. I'd like to say that she's smart, but I'm not so sure... For one thing, she never finished college. That is the one good thing I can say about Dahmer (her ex): that he encouraged her to go back to school. Although, encouraged isn't exactly the right word. More like shamed her into it by making her think she wasn't good enough for him. Ugh. But not finishing school isn't really the issue. It's that she doesn't have any real marketable skills. All she's done her entire adult life is bartend. And there's nothing wrong with that either, hell, I've done it too! The problem is that she doesn't seem to have any goals or aspirations, other than to get married! It's pretty plain to see that she's just been waiting for some guy to come along and sweep her off her feet and take care of her. And now that she's pregnant, she can't exactly continue bartending at 7-8 months, so I'm assuming she expects him to take care of her. And that really worries me, because he's proven time and time again that he's unreliable, untrustworthy, selfish and immature. She does have a lot of family in Houston with her, so at least if he bails she won't be totally on her own, but still... Why can't she see how bad he is for her?? How her life completely revolves around him and all her common sense goes right out the window!
From my own selfish standpoint, this isn't good because I've have outwardly hated on Dahmer since they broke up, including throwing a beer in his face. All because of Taryn!! She told me bad things about him, told me she was done with him for good, that she hated him! And I hated him right along with her. Stupid me. I should have known better. Now if they do end up together, I can never show my face around the 2 of them. ((Sigh))
Well, it's still early. Even though she's talking about keeping the baby and living happily ever after as if that's actually an achievable goal, anything could happen. I just want Taryn to have a great guy, who loves her unconditionally and and appreciates her and makes her happy. Not a selfish asshole who runs around on her and makes her crazy! And now I worry that she'll never get those things. Not as long as Dahmer is in the picture. I've told her this, believe me. And I told her I'd support her whatever she decides to do. Because what else can I do?? I mean seriously, tell me! What else can I do??

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Dear John

I don't really have much to write, but I thought I should stop in for an update. I finally let John have it. Sort of. I mean, I'm just so tired of him jerking me around all the time, and him being completely oblivious to how much he fucks with my head! So I told him. He texted me last Friday night, and after some pointless small talk, I finally said...

Me: You know what's weird? Despite the fact that we are often in the same place at the same time, I sometimes wonder if I will actually ever see you again.
John: Valid point. I swing in different circles now so it's getting harder. Truth is, when I'm in Houston I spend a lot of time with my brother.
Me: Well it's a shame we're not going to Belize... I guess you'll never see my boobs in person ;)
John: I really wanted to go, but I haven't been as productive with work as I could've been. Procrastination is inevitable.
John: And damn. That does bring a tear to my eyes.
Me: aren't you on vacation?? I don't think procrastination is your problem.
John: That's the thing. I am on vacation whilst trying to accomplish a few tasts for work. I had to take time off in order to actually get stuff done.
Me: You're a workaholic. Among other things.
John: Haha, true, and it's not quite the balance I would like. They're two extremes. Nothing is close to middle.
John: Peyton
John: Peyton
John: It kinda hurts having the idea in my head that it could be possible that I might not see you.
John: I don't want that to happen.
Me: Well then stop being so flaky and quit jerking me around all the time. Your fickleness is giving me whiplash. I don't like it. It's frustrating.
Me: To be honest.

He didn't respond, just as I expected he wouldn't. And for like a whole day I worried that I'd been too hard on him. So the next night, I sent him another text.

"Sorry if I came off bitchy last night, but I don't think you realize how exasperating you can be. Our relationship obviously crosses over the line of friendship, and sort of has for years now, so it's hard not to attach some sort of expectations to that. And I don't think me wanting to actually see you once in a while is expecting much, but what do I know? I guess what I'm saying is, you drive me crazy sometimes with your unwitting indifference, and....sorrynotsorry."

So that's that. Still no response from him and it's been a week. So that's it. I'm not going to respond to him if he texts me again. I'm just tired of playing games and making excuses for him in my mind. No matter how weird, or different he is, I'm not gonna waste my time anymore.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

All Souls Trilogy Fan Casting

Ok, I'm currently on Book 3 of the All Souls Trilogy. Has anyone read them? They're sooooooo good! It's like fantasy/romance/historical fiction/action/thriller/mystery all rolled into one! I love it! Anyway, so I've been fancasting the books in my head the last couple days, and I just have to post it somewhere! I know this is totally random, but I just have to. I did this before, with the Mortal Instruments series as well. If any of you guys have read the books, let me know what you think!

Rachel McAdams as Diana Bishop. She can pull off the strawberry blonde curls, and the bright straight blonde look as well! And she's an amazing actress. I would be delighted if she were to tackle this role.

David Gandy as Matthew de Clermont. He has the PERFECT eyes, dark hair, and he's tall and oooooh so sexy! I bet he looks great with a beard too.

Gemma Arterton as Miriam Shepherd. She's got the look and the attitude, plus she's British! Just like Miriam.

Garrett Hedlund as Marcus Whitmore. He's hot, and has the blonde haired blue eyed surfer look going on.

Diane Kruger as Ysabeau de Clermont. This is who I've been picturing in my head as Ysabeau since the first book. The silky honey colored hair, the cold beauty... Diane is perfect!

Chris Hemsworth as Gallowglass. He's got the accent, the brawn, the shaggy blond hair, and of course, what's not to love? He just has one of those faces!

Eduardo Berastegui as Baldwin. He's hot, but kind of scary looking.

Eva Green as Louisa. This is seriously THE MOST PERFECT casting for Louisa. Stunning, yet terrifying, and just as described.

I had a little trouble with Phillipe de Clermont because he's sometimes described as looking like a kingly angel, but then he's also described as being like a lion: powerful and terrifying. Initially, I went with Charlie Hunnam, just for his looks, but then I settled on Michael Fassbender. He exudes that power Phillipe has, and he's handsome.

Jessica Chastain as Rebecca Bishop. I've noticed in some other fancasts, that people chose her for Diana, but I think she would make a great maternal figure. She's beautiful, yet also sort of wise looking and tender. So I cast as her as Diana's mom.

Simon Baker as Stephen Proctor. Diana's dad had to have that handsome, disarming, scholarly look about it. And I couldn't think of anyone better than this guy.

Susan Sarandon as Sarah. She has to have red hair of course! And Sarandon is great at playing multifaceted characters. Sarah is maternal, yet also somewhat curt and abrasive, and Susan Sarandon could totally pull that off.

Patricia Clarkson as Em. She's the old soul in the family. Kind of quiet, and very empathetic. Clarkson embodies these qualities, although her hair would have to be white for the role. Bonus! She and Susan Sarandon would make a great onscreen couple!

Gabriel Byrne as Peter Knox. This guy has been in a lot of stuff, and he has that sort of unsavory look to him that would be perfect for Peter.

Mads Mikkelson as Father Hubbard. CREEPY MCCREEPERTON RIGHT HERE! Perfect for the vampire priest.

Emma Watson as Phoebe Taylor. Although she doesn't look the way Phoebe is described physically, she has everything else: intelligence, wit, and British propriety. And she and Garrett Hedlund just make a dashing couple, don't you think??

Alex Gonzalez as Fernando Goncalves. He's Spanish, and he's handsome. :)

Daniel Samonas as 20 year old Jack. He has that innocent, yet roguish look about him. And the hazel eyes!

Elijah Wood as Christpher, Kit, Marlowe. He's perfect for a daemon. And Elijah is such an amazing actor, I'm sure he could pull of the petulance of Kit.

Evan Rachel Wood as Mary Sidney, Duchess of Pembroke. She has the look I think. And I feel like she and Rachel McAdams would have good onscreen chemistry as lab partners.

Finally, Benjamin. He was a hard one to cast, because obviously he has to be good looking, but also seriously creepy. Like serial killer creepy. So it's a tie between Cillian Murphy, the typecast creeper (top), and Francois Arnaud (bottom). I think the latter might have the advantage just because he's French though.

Well, that's it! All the major characters at least. What do you think?

In Case You Were Wondering...

Well...I don't think I'm going to Belize. Nothing happened with Dustin while I was in Houston, and Kyle was here last weekend, and he basically blew me off.
So I guess things are back to normal in my life. ((sigh))

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Life in The Big Easy

I have so many things to write about now, that if I don’t get them down quickly, I’m going to get way behind on my blog again!

I just needed the last couple weeks to settle in and establish my routine. I still don’t have internet at my place yet though. I’ve found that not having the internet actually makes me leave the house more, and it’s become less of a priority. But I’m gonna have to get it soon, cuz I need it for work. So it’s on the list.

Anyway, my first few weeks here in NOLA have been great. I’m totally unpacked, pictures are hung, decorations are up, and my house feels like home. It’s like 5x bigger than my apt in Chicago! I love it. I am gonna have to get a roommate though. My mother insists… But I’m holding out as long as possible. Haha. This city is amazing. It feels so homey to me, it’s almost like I’ve always been here, ya know? I loved living in Chicago, and I made some really great friends, but I never really fit in there like I do here. I always knew Chicago was just a pitstop on my way to somewhere awesome, and this is definitely it. Bethany and I have pretty much picked up where we left off since she lives here now too, and it’s almost like that fiasco in Chicago never happened. And I’m totally ok with that. She’s grown up a lot too since then, I think. We both have. And our friendship is really solid, and that’s such a nice feeling. Taryn came to visit a couple weeks ago for my welcoming party. I’m not currently online, I’m just typing this in Word, so I can’t look back in my blog and see what I’ve already told you guys about, but did I mention that my mom got engaged? To my boss?? Lol. I thought it might be a conflict of interest, but it’s been totally cool so far. I feel comfortable around Jim like I’ve never really felt with an authority figure. And he’s a great boss and mentor. Well now I’m getting off topic, but the reason I brought Jim up is because he’s the one that threw me the welcoming party. And it was tons of fun. All my mom’s family was there, and Taryn and Bethany, and I’m getting to be pretty good friends with Jim’s youngest daughter, Helen. She just started college, and obviously needs a big sister/friend type person in her life. So I guess that’s me.

Well anyway, life here is great so far. Now onto the other big news…

John. You know, the John that just keeps cropping up over the years?

He’s finally taking a vacation after months of working nonstop. He wasn’t able to help me move, because he was still in California for work. Apparently he worked for like 3 months straight with no days off, and now he has 5 weeks of vacation that he has to take. So he’s doing it now. So I texted him the other day. And I’m just gonna post screen shots of our conversation here. I photoshopped all the screen shots together to make it easier to read.

So…BELIZE!!! Or should I say, Belize??? Because I didn’t hear from him all day yesterday, and this conversation happened on Sunday, and now I have no idea what’s going on. Obviously, I really want to go, I mean, this kind of stuff just doesn’t happen in real life! Especially not to me! Guy sweeps girl off feet with grand gesture by taking her to the land of milk & honey…and beaches. Lol. And all day Sunday I felt like I was walking on air… But then Monday goes by, and I still don’t hear from him, and now I’m left wondering, Is he having second thoughts? Was he a little drunk at the time? What’s going on!?

But I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I mean, that’s John for ya. He always does this shit to me. Works me up, then lets me down. Even when I was on Cloud 9 about this, I knew it wasn’t a good idea to get my hopes up. But we’ll see what happens. ((Sigh))

I’m taking my first trip to Houston this weekend so that my dad can work on my car, and because it’s Carrie’s birthday. And I have a driving buddy! Her name is Lauren. I met her through Taryn and Carrie, she lives here in NOLA, and she’s super cool. So we’re both driving down Friday afternoon. And I’ve been excited about it, because it’s been a while since I’ve made a trip to Houston. My last trip there, which was unplanned, and only for a night, doesn’t count! The only crappy part is that Taryn’s gonna be out of town with her family for the holiday. But she and Carrie had a big falling out a while back, so maybe it’s for the best. I won’t have to worry about trying to divide my time between the 2 of them. I really wish they’d just bury the hatchet already!

But anyway, so there’s this guy… Lol. His name is Dustin. I’ve never really mentioned him before, because it was never important till now, but I know him through my ex, Brandon. He used to come into the bar I worked at in Houston, and he’s really hot, plays professional arena football, and he’s really sweet. But I never really thought of him in that way, because of Brandon. And I guess he felt the same. We lost touch for a couple years, but then I found him on Facebook a few months back and we got to chatting.

So the other night, I had this dream about him. I’m just gonna do the screen shot thing again so I don’t have to type our whole conversation.

So, we exchanged numbers and we've been chatting. And it looks like I may be having some fun this weekend in Houston! ;) We’ll see… I’ll definitely keep you guys posted on my boy drama.


Thursday, August 14, 2014


I know I haven't posted in a while, but that's because I don't have the internet set up at my new place yet, so it's been really touch and go. But I love my new job, I love my new place, and I love living here!! I'll catch you guys up soon, I promise!

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Chicago: 4, Peyton: 0

Omg...so much has happened recently that every time I'm like, "Man I really need to catch up on my blog!" the thought of everything I need to write just seems too daunting. Lol.
My birthday was a blast. I met a cute guy, got a phone number, and made out with a stranger. Lol. Needless to say, I had quite a bit to drink, but hey! No regrets. The guy I met (Kyle) continued to text me up until the beginning of this month, but it's been a couple of weeks since I've heard from him so... I dunno. I'm moving in 2 weeks!! Maybe I'll text him when I get there.

After my bday, things went kind of downhill...
I came home from NOLA and got the stomach flu, wasn't able to work, or even get out of bed for a week. It was seriously, TERRIBLE. Everything was coming out my butt. Lol. TMI?
Then I had to go to Mexico to shoot a wedding. That was a blast, and luckily I was feeling much better by then. Jenna was there, and we had so much fun hanging out by the pool, and going to the beach, etc.
But then I got back from that trip, and threw my back out! I was carrying a 50lb backpack full of camera equipment for a week, so that's probably why. But I was out of work for yet another week! For a grand total of 4 weeks off work. During which time, I only made $250. From the wedding. (They paid the majority of my fee ahead of time). So I'm basically still trying to get caught up on all my bills, and I haven't really been able to do all the fun things I was hoping to get to do in my last month living in Chicago.

Although we had our staff trip in Green Bay last week, and I did go to the Renaissance Faire with Brent and Taylor, and my friend Becky who lives in Wisconsin, on Sunday - both of which were super fun! But then my car was towed Monday morning. Another $200 down the drain.

I literally feel like Chicago is rejecting me. It's telling me to getthefuckout. And I'm more than happy to oblige. I'm so over this city. I just don't want to be here anymore. And I'm soooooo soooo excited about moving to New Orleans, and starting my career, and living in the South again. OMG THE HOT GUYS...((drool)). Lol. I seriously can't wait to get out of here.

Sophie left for a year in Guatemala on the first of the month (she got a cool job), and since then, Chicago hasn't been the same. I mean it's the same, and yet, almost as if the ground beneath me has shifted, or everything is sort of slanted? It's hard to explain. It just doesn't feel right. Part of that is because I really miss Sophie, part of it is because I'm ready to move on, and part of it is because my life has been so up and down rocky the last few weeks. I just feel very unsettled. Even my apartment doesn't seem like a place of refuge anymore. My landlord has been showing it to people, looking for a new tenant, so I keep having to get up and leave in the middle of the day; plus there have been workers painting and doing repairs to the building like every morning for the last 3 weeks! And I work at night, so I would like to be able to sleep past 8am, but NOOOOOO!! I must be woken promptly at 8am with loud banging, Tejano music, and men hanging from scaffolding right outside my bedroom window. Ugh. Literally, that happened. And I was asleep. In my underwear. Imagine my surprise. ((Sigh))

Well, enough bitching. I'm sorry this post has been so cut and dry, but now that I'm caught up, hopefully I will feel better about blogging in the future. Move date is the 27th, though, so bear with me if I disappear for a bit around then.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Do My Friends Suck?

My 30th birthday is in 2 weeks. In late January, I planned a trip to New Orleans to celebrate, and invited 10 friends of my closest friends. Of course my sister is coming, but only like 5 more said they would come. And in the last week, all of them have bailed on me. Every one except my sister, and Bethany, who already lives in New Orleans. Some friends I have.
Why does my birthday have to suck every year?! WHY!? I mean I expect it to suck, cuz it always does, but this year is my 30th, and I wanted it to be special, and I wanted to spend it with my friends. And I mean, New Orleans is driving distance from Houston, so it's not that big of a deal. And of course Taryn tells me she can't go, when she's in Puerto Rico, with her new boozy bestie, who I'm not a fan of. Ugh. She can go to fucking Puerto Rico, but she can't come to New Orleans for her supposed best friends birthday?! She's known about this since JANUARY!!
I'm just so upset!!
Is this normal?? Because I know that I'm a good friend. I don't flake on people. I never forget birthdays. I sent cards, and buy prezzies and throw fucking surprise parties! Why do none of my friends ever do stuff like that for me!? Is that too much to ask? Seriously. Is it?

Thursday, May 1, 2014


Have you ever felt such a heightened state of emotional awareness that it's like you're drunk on your own feelings? At the flip of a switch you could be laughing maniacally or sobbing hysterically, depending which way the wind blows?? Well it's officially my birth month now. I'm turning 30. Good things are happening, but also bad things. And I'm not really sure what I should freak out about first. WHY IS THERE NO WINE HERE??? Heh...Hehe...Hehehehheheeeeeee((SOB!))

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Oh Well

Annnnd that's the end of that. The guy I hooked up with, we'll call him Eyebrows, is not lasting booty call material. But oh well. I'm starting to think maybe I don't really want a friends with benefits situation. I mean I definitely wanted to have sex with someone, because it had been wayyyyy too long. But really what I want is a relationship. I just can't go looking for one now that I'm moving.
Oh, why Eyebrows, you ask? No, he doesn't have huge bushy eyebrows. He just does this weird, annoying thing, where he's always raising one eyebrow. Ugh. Over it.

Monday, March 31, 2014

They Say the Best Way to Get Over Someone...

I finally hooked up with someone last night. FINALLY!!! AFTER ALL THIS TIME!!!
And it was great.
Fuck John. I'm movin' on.

Friday, March 28, 2014


Been meaning to post all week, but it's been crazy.
Great news though!!
I got a job! A real job! A photography job!! Working for the chief photo editor of a newspaper in New Orleans!! So I'm moving to New Orleans!! Lol. Not till August though. :/ Still stuck in Chi till then. But I couldn't be more thrilled! I actually get to do something I love, and get paid for it. And the odds of finding a job in my field are not great. So I'm really lucky! I mean it doesn't hurt that my mom is dating the guy who wants to hire me, but I asked him if their relationship had anything to do with him hiring me and he said no. He saw my portfolio on facebook, and thinks I'm a great portrait photographer, and he needs good photographers right now, apparently. And he said he would think that even if he wasn't crazy about my mom. So I'll be working for a paper, doing editorial work, and he said he's gonna teach me how to write captions for the paper, and shoot sports! I'll get to go to Saints games for free! With a press pass! Plus all kinds of other cool events. It's weird sometimes how things work out. Especially for me, because up until recently it never seemed like things were actually working in my favor. But perhaps my luck is turning.
No real news on John though. We continued to talk the next day, but not about anything important. And I haven't heard from him much recently. Actions speak louder than words. So I'm just gonna try to forget about him. I can't promise I'll be successful though. It was so nice having someone to talk with all day, about all sorts of random things. I had forgotten how fun it can be to get to know someone. ((Sigh))
Well I'm just gonna do me right now. My days are numbered here and I'm gonna try to make the most of them.

Sunday, March 23, 2014

To Be Continued...

Me: Hello John

John: Hello Peyton. How are you?

Me: Drunk

John: I'm not. Although, I did spent most of the day at a friends house drinking. Everybody kinda started going to bed around mitte nacht.
John: By the way, you're pretty. :)

Me: Are you trying to butter me up?? What's mitte nachi?
Me: Ahh!! sp! Wait, that means midnight, doesn't it?

John: Not trying to butter you up. Just thought you should know in case you haven't heard it in a while. And good job, mitte nacht does mean midnight.

Me: Hmm I guess my drunk self isn't as dumb as I thought. I'm surprised you're not working.

John: You're a clever girl, even drunk. No work right now. Finished off a week in Houston 
visiting our data processing group.
John: How has your weekend been?

Me: Clever ppl can still be fools. Case in point.
Me: My wkend was meh. I don't really start my wkend till tomorrow.

John: I don't agree. However, I do think clever people can do foolish things. It's a difference between a persons continuous state of being versus a random action.
John: Do you have anything planned for your time off?

Me: Not necessarily. There's a grey area between continuous state of being and random acts. For example, when you do something against your better judgment, hoping for a better outcome than is most likely possibly. I do that. And you would think I would learn from my mistakes but I guess despite my pragmatism, I'm really an optimist at heart.
Me: I also have a tendency to overshare when under the influence of alcohol.

John: That is a valid point. Your drunk self has scored two points so far!
John: I'm not a very judgmental person so I think you're in good hands right now.

Me: Ha! So you say.
Me: I'm counting you as one example of my foolishness.

John: It's hard to pass judgment when you've done as many idiotic things as I have.

Me: Oh really? By all means, share!

John: Well I was hoping that I wouldn't fall into that category, but I wouldn't say I'm exactly great at relationships.
John: Share? You've met my alternate personality, drunk John. He's pretty wild and pretty stupid on a regular basis.

Me: Well it's like this. I don't really have a set of rules or guidelines that I live by, but there are a couple that I generally tend to follow when it comes to men. One being that if a guy doesn't seem interested, I usually just bow out bc I don't like playing games and men are confusing and rarely up front about what they want.
Me: Yep I've met drunk John. He's a pretty honest guy. Lol.

John: Does it feel like we've been playing games?

Me: Well I didn't think we were. But I'm often wrong.

John: I'm happy to hear that. I think we've been honest with each other and I hope you don't regret anything you've sent*. I'm certainly grateful for the things you've shared with me and I hope you trust I'll keep it between us. I have, after all, had a security clearance. I can keep a secret ;)

*I sent him a few sexy pics. But no nudity! Undies only!! So, really nothing he, and anyone else who's seen in me in a bikini, hasn't seen. And my face wasn't in any of the photos either. So...meh.*

Me: No, I don't regret anything. But John! The last time you asked me to send you a picture, I said no, and then I didn't hear from you for like 10 days!** Whaaaaaat is that supposed to make me think??

**This is in reference to the one night I spent in Houston a week ago, when he texted me the next morning and I had just gotten out of the shower. He asked for a pic and I said no, I was on strike until I saw some residuals. Lol. He said "Fair enough" or something to that effect. Then I asked if I was gonna see him, and never heard back.**

John: I guess that does look pretty bad. Although I thought it was clear that I wasn't harboring any hard feelings about it. As much as I do enjoy the things you've sent, you should know that it's not something I expect from you. I see it as privileged information. Our relationship isn't based on what you've sent me. We've had a longer history without the photos. I apologize if I made you feel as though our friendship was being held for ransom.

Me: Well that just leaves one question. Which is, why didn't I see you when I was in Louisiana? Because I don't think I expect much either. Unless you think otherwise? But it felt a bit like a brush off to me...just sayin.

John: I was traveling back and forth between Houston and Louisiana a lot that week. It wasn't like I was in a neighboring city.
John: I guess that sounds like a cop-out, but I was restricted to where I could travel and when I was needed. It just wasn't possible for me to escape for a couple days.

Me: Understandable. I try to not make assumptions, but I tend to err on the side of antipathy when I try to guess what someone else is thinking.
Me: I also have this problem with a lot of ppl because it's in my nature to call bullshit, and I prefer ppl to just be honest with me, even if it's awkward or uncomfortable, but a lot of ppl don't like that kind of confrontation I guess.

John: My phone is nearly dead, and I'm at a friends house with a bunch of samsung users. Going to need to postpone this until I can get an apple cord.

To Be Continued...

Thursday, March 20, 2014


I'm trying to post at least once a week, if not more, but unfortunately I don't always have something to write about once a week. I just finished editing all the photos from my cousin's photoshoot last week, and I'm sooooo happy with them! As is she, which I guess should be more important. Lol. Actually, I was working on them just 2 days ago when guess who texted me? John. He wanted to know if I had recovered the photos. I didn't respond right away because I was busy, and I didn't see his message till about 20 minutes after he'd sent it. Then I stewed for about 10 minutes wondering what to say. Because I'm mad at him! He blew me off. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. And that's just shitty. And I want him to know it's shitty! But, believe it or not, I have learned a thing or two from my experiences with men over the years, and I knew I had to tread carefully. I didn't want to come off bitchy, or psycho, or needy, or desperate, or sad, etc...you get the point. So I simply responded by answering his question. No more, no less. I just said, "Yep." And then he wrote back, "Good job. I'm happy it worked out." And I said, "Yea, me too." And that was that. If he had really wanted to talk to me, he would have made more of an effort, but he never responded again after that. And since I intentionally didn't write something open ended, as if I wanted to continue the conversation, I knew it would be up to him to do so. And he didn't. So I guess I have my answer as far as John is concerned. It's still kind of hard for me to let go of the idea of him though. I mean, despite this situation, I know he isn't like any other guy I've ever known. But perhaps that isn't such a good thing. I dunno... Guys just suck in general, don't they?

Thursday, March 13, 2014


Once again, sorry for the Twitter spam, guys. I didn't think it would continue to send out those invites, but I have figured out how to stop them. Unfortunately, Twitter is down today so I haven't been able to fix it yet. I will keep checking and take care of it as soon as I can.

Aside from that, I am literally having the worst day ever! I'm in NOLA because my Aunt and Uncle hired me to take my cousins high school graduation photos. My uncle is a pilot so he even got me buddy passes to come here for free. So today, Macie and I were out walking around (and I was carrying my camera equipment, plus all her stuff) in the city all day. It was fun, but exhausting, and Macie can be kind of a pain in the ass.
First she got makeup all over her white dress right when we were about to leave. Then she forgot her shoes, and we had already left the house, and I had to turn around and drive back. Then, after driving around forever and finally finding a parking spot in the Quarter, she realized she had forgotten her jeans! I told her forget it, we weren't going back and we were wasting time, but she whined about the jeans all day.
The shoot was fun, overall, and we even managed to get onto a hotel room balcony in the French Quarter for free! Then we got home, and she insisted I take more pictures of her in the jeans, and I obliged, since she's family, even though no photographer would normally do an all day photoshoot like that just for senior pictures. But still, I was soooo excited to see all the awesome photos I took, and immediately went upstairs and plugged my SD card into my laptop. Low and behold, there was NOTHING. NOTHING AT ALL ON THE CARD.
I put the card back in the camera. "Card Not Formatted" flashed at me. The photos were just gone. ALL OF THEM! And I still have no idea how!! I didn't erase or reformat anything! I just did what I always do, everything time I go to upload my photos and they just weren't there! My whole trip for nothing, my entire day of hard work! Not to mention, and I haven't told you guys this yet, but on Saturday I went straight to the airport after work for a 9am flight that I wasn't able to get on. I didn't actually get on a flight till 8pm that night and it didn't even take me to NOLA! I had to go to Houston first and then drive to NOLA with my uncle in a rental car!! It was fucking terrible!! I spent the whole day in the airport and went 2 straight days with no sleep. For nothing!!!!
Ugh. So I spent this entire evening looking into recovery software, and it seemed to be working at first; or at least, it seemed to be doing something, but after 4 hours I still had no results and I started panicking again. Luckily, my Mom's new boyfriend just happens to be a photographer. Actually, he's Pulitzer winning photographer, and a very, very nice man, because he offered to take a look at my SD card and it is now 1 in the morning. My very, very nice mother, is driving over to his place right now so he can look at it. He must really like my mom now that I think about it. I'm so so grateful that he is doing this, because that means there is still hope! But I don't know how I can possibly sleep. I haven't mentioned any of this to my Aunt and Uncle, or to Macie. I'm hoping I won't have to. I mean I'm dreading having to do that! I really hope that's not the case. Uuuuuuggghhhh!! I mean I flew all the way here, and I don't know when I would be able to make it back... Plus Macie skipped school today for this. Ok...enough about the photos. I'm just having a hard time thinking about anything else.

My one night in Houston was actually fun, aside from the fact that Taryn drove to the wrong airport to pick me up. Yep. After all that shit, and I finally get out of the airport, and we had plans to go out and get wasted, I forget to tell her which airport. Stupid, stupid me. Oh well, we still went out. And John was in town, and was on his way to meet us, but he got pulled over for not completely stopping at a stop sign, and then asked to do a field sobriety test! So he didn't make it. And he wasn't answering his phone at all, so at the time I just assumed he was blowing me off. And of course Taryn was telling me I shouldn't put up with that, and if he was really into me and knew I was in town, he would make every effort to see me. And I agreed with her. Until the next morning when he texted me about almost going to jail, and then I felt bad. So I asked him if I was going to get to see him or what? He responded that he was already on his way back to Louisiana because he was having stuff delivered to his apartment and he needed to be there. Then I said, "Oh, I didn't mean today" (my uncle was already on his way to get me from Taryn's place) and he just never responded again. I mean, when I told him I was going to be in Louisiana, which just happens to be where he lives, I thought surely we would get an opportunity to see each other. Clearly, I was wrong. He knew I was here all week and didn't even text me once. ((Sigh)) I really thought he was different. And maybe he is, but clearly his priorities don't include me. He's a workhorse, and I get it, but it wasn't work this time. He just...blew me off. There's no other explanation. And that's really hard for me to accept. But I guess I don't really have a choice.
Speaking of getting blown off, you know who else blew me off this week??
And how is it that I manage to still be surprised by these things??
Guys are dicks.

I was able to recover all the photos!! YAYYYYY!!!!! :)

Sunday, March 2, 2014

To Blog or Not To Blog...

Well, after much deliberation, I have decided to keep my blog. I've just gotten used to the idea of blogging again, and I was just starting to enjoy myself. Writing is very therapeutic. Anyway, all my friends/boyfriends/coworkers names have already been changed, so they still get privacy. The only real name you guys know is mine. And so what if you know what I look like? It was just the one picture, right? I am still going to continue signing off as Peyton though, just for continuity's sake. So anyway, now onto the good stuff.
John and I have been talking again. Not as frequently as we were at the beginning of February, but we're getting there. Sometimes I start to overthink/overanalyze things with John (duh, you all know I do that), but I just have to keep reminding myself that he is not like other guys. He doesn't play games, and he's very honest. What you see is what you get. So I don't have to worry that he's lost interest just because I don't hear from him for a while. He is literally married to his work. And I don't mind that. At times it can be a little frustrating, just because it makes him harder to read. And I can't really judge his words/actions against other guys because, like I said, he's not like other guys! I know, all girls say that about a guy at some point in their life, because he's really good at leading them to believe that, but that really isn't the case with John. He's different. In a good way, I think. In a way that actually may be beneficial for me.
So we were texting last night till about 8am (ridiculous, I know) and I mentioned that I would still like him to come visit. He's on another job right now, in the Panhandle, and he's working from 7pm to 7am every day. I dunno how he does it. But he said he thinks he'll be done in about a week and he'll see what the schedule looks like. It also happens that I am going to NOLA next week to shoot my cousins senior portraits. So mayyyyyybe we can spend a day together or something. Although NOLA is not very close to Shreveport, which is where John lives. But anyway, so we talked till 8am, and then I finally went to sleep and had the most amazing dream about him. Well, about us. We were together, like together together, and we were traveling. Like just...traveling the world! And we were so happy! I remember thinking (in the dream) that everyone around us must be able to see how happy and in love we are. And I remember nuzzling his neck, and kissing him. Lots of kissing. ((Sigh)) Have you ever had a dream like that, where you were just soooo happy, that you still feel kind of elated when you wake up, but then also kind of sad, because it's over, and none of it was real? I know it was just a dream, and it's no coincidence that I had a dream about John after practically falling asleep talking to him, but I still hope I can have that in real life someday. Hopefully sooner than later.

Friday, February 28, 2014

Twitter Confusion

Hello All!

Sorry for the Twitter spam. Yes, that is me! I'm Sherri. Lol. I actually have no idea how I did that, and I did not mean to do it. I wasn't PLANNING to out myself, but there ya have it folks. Lol. I freaked out for a second, and considered trying to pretend it wasn't me, but you guys have been reading my blog for years now, and I don't think I actually know any of you personally, so what's the harm?? I've considered posting more personally before, so I guess this just made up my mind for me. I would still appreciate a certain level of anonymity, so I probs will keep my Twitter account for personal use only. Anyway, I don't actually "tweet", I mostly just use Twitter to follow TV shows/Celebs.
As far as this blog goes, I was glad to be getting back into it, but now I'm feeling a little freaked out! I just spill so much stuff on here, about so many people, and up until now, I didn't have to worry that any of those people would find out what I say/think/write about them. And now I kind of do have to worry a little about that. So I might have to rethink the blogging thing now, but...we'll see. Your feedback would be greatly appreciated in this matter, but I just ask that you all respect my privacy, and the privacy of my friends/family, since you probably know some of their deepest darkest secrets!! But hey, at least now I can start posting pics? Maybe?? Lol.


I said it!! MY REAL NAME!

Thursday, February 20, 2014


I took my dog baby to get his teeth cleaned today. Poor thing. He's been out of it ever since I picked him up from the vet! (The anesthesia) But he's been super cuddly since I brought him home. Poor baby.
Not a lot going on this week really. Just the usual work, piano lessons, work, sleep, run errands... No upcoming Tinder dates on the horizon right now either. And John has been playing it cool with me. Come to think of it, maybe I wasn't reading too much into things before when I thought he was weirded out because I told him about my disaster date. He's hardly spoken to me since! Granted, he's a busy guy, and he just got back to the states from his business trip, and he had to drive from Houston to Louisiana after that. But still...you go from being totally hot and heavy on the phone one day, to just nothing the next. Something must be up. Right?
I was just leafing through a magazine and I stopped to smell this cologne sample inside and I immediately thought about how I miss being with a guy, and loving the way he smells. And just...inhaling his scent, drinking it in. And the way it makes me feel when I catch a whiff of it when he's not around. Scents are so powerful, it's weird. Even now I still associate certain scents with Brazil, and even the Ex Fiance. Ugh, sometimes I wish I could stop making those connections and just forget all the memories those smells bring up.
Wow, I'm rambling. Well, I just wanted to check in. Sorry I've nothing exciting to report. Here are some fun Frozen gifs. Lol. I LOVE this movie.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

My Drunk Date

Well I guess I was gonna have to write about this sooner or later, so I'd rather do it now. My date last night started off great. He ordered and Uber car, and asked me if I would like him to pick me up, which was very nice of him and unexpected. So I said sure, why not. It was pretty easy to talk to him, although there were a couple of awkward silences. But the biggest problem is that I think he may be a raging alcoholic. I had two drinks. TWO. DRINKS. He had eight beers and a snifter a Grand Marnier. He was on his third beer when I was only halfway done with my first drink. I asked him if he normally drinks so fast, or if he was just nervous or something. I can't remember what he said. But the drunker he got, the louder, more attention-seeking and weird he got. Seriously, he kept randomly standing up and singing and dancing, and then loudly apologizing to all the people around us who were starting (rightfully so). The third or fourth time he went to the bathroom, he came back with two rolls of toilet paper down his shirt. WTF!? Of course this caught the attention of even more people. Also, he kept asking me to take pictures of him doing all these weird things! And then he wanted me to send him the pictures. ((rolling my eyes))
Then some random girl came over and asked if she could take our picture! When I asked her why she said she just wanted a picture of us because it was our first date, and she though that was "nice". Then she hugged me and whispered that she hopes I don't go out with him again, because I seem really nice, and I'm too pretty for him, and he's a crazy, drunk loser. Ugh... Then he started getting all googly-eyed at me, and I'd be trying to have a conversation with him and he'd interject with, "God you're so beautiful. Why are you so beautiful. You have no idea how much I just wanna make out with you right now."
Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. So after two and a half hours of watching him getting progressively more wasted, I said I was tired and ready to go home. He left the waitress less than 10%, even though he told me he used to bartend. I slipped her another $10 as we were leaving. Good thing I checked to make sure he took care of her! Then he insisted we split a cab, and he wouldn't let me pay, which again, was nice, but at that point, no amount of chivalry could have made up for the rest of the night. He sent me two more text messages that night, probably while he was still in the cab.

1) "You got me!"
2) "Why are you so attractive?"

I didn't respond, for obvious reasons. Then at 8 o'clock this morning he sent me this: "Fuck...I'm sorry. No excuses, I'm just a douchebag :/ "

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK?!! Is this really what dating is like now?! SERIOUSLY!?!?! I'm not sure I want any part of this. John texted me this morning too, to tell me his plans to come here have to be "postponed" because he got another work assignment that starts on the 18th. ((Sigh)) What a waste of a bikini wax.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Date Tomorrow

Omg. I have a date tomorrow.With a guy that's even hotter than Richard! We just started chatting this afternoon, and our conversation lasted all night! I ended up getting off around 11 and we were still talking so I said, "I don't wanna sound too forward, but I just got off work and I'm about to go have a beer. Would you like to join? If you can't, it's not big deal, just thought I'd throw that out there."
And he said he would if he wasn't already in his PJ's, but suggested we go out for beers later this week, beers on him, to be precise! And I told him I'm working this weekend so then he suggested we go out tomorrow! So it's settled. Date with superhotguy tomorrow at 8. Let's hope this one doesn't cancel on me...

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Remember Richard?

Well he blew me off. Again. Said he "completely forgot!!" and he's just getting home from work, and he's coming off like a total flake but really he's not! Ugh. Why do I even bother with these things? It's a bunch of shite. I tried to be calm, and unemotional in my response. All I said was, "I understand, and that's fine, but I have to tell you it's kind of an inconvenience for me when we make plans and they get canceled that day." He, of course, never responded. So I guess that's the end of that.
I've been pissed off about it for the last 5 hours. I don't understand what I did wrong! But I guess it's better this way. He obviously is a flake, and a douche on top of that. So it's better I find out now, than after I've gone on a few dates with him. I just thought...Ugh, it doesn't matter what I thought. I definitely won't be talking to him again.
As for John, he's been unusually radio silent as well. I didn't hear from him today at all. I dunno, maybe it really isn't unusual. We used to go for months at a time without talking to each other. It's only recently we've been starting having conversations that span over days. I wonder if he's changed his mind about coming to visit. Meh. I'm sure I'll hear from him sooner rather than later. He's never been the type to play games. Like seriously. He's very direct, almost to the point of awkwardness at times.
Anyway, I had a piano recital on Sunday. I just played some old stuff since none of my new pieces are ready yet. But I played Claire de Lune, and this girl started crying! It was such a strange feeling. I mean she had an emotional connection to the song that had nothing to do with me; it was her late mom's favorite piece. But still, I've never made anyone cry before with my playing. It was very rewarding and also kind of awkward. I didn't know if I should comfort her or something? Lol. Overall, I feel good about the performance though, despite the fact that I wasn't as prepared as I normally like to be.

Well I guess I'm out of dish. I'll be back later this week.

Friday, February 7, 2014


So sorry about all the blog picture problems. Apparently it's a glitch with Blogger. Cuz my pictures didn't used to do that. Anyway, it should be fixed now. So onto more exciting things...
Richard and I have reschedule for Monday. And conversations between John and I have been heating up quickly. Not in a sexual way though, surprisingly. Well, a little, but that's not what I mean. I suggested he come visit, not really thinking he'd take me seriously, but I think he actually might come. Like...in 2 weeks. I dunno if I should be excited or worried. I mean, what if he comes and it just sucks? Or what if he comes and we hook up, but then that's just it for our friendship? Or what if he comes and its amazing, but then I don't get to see him again for who knows how long? And what about Richard? I guess that shouldn't even be an issue right now considering I haven't even met him yet. But... ((sigh)) I'm a little out of sorts right now. Ananda dragged me out to the bar after work tonight cuz she was having a row with her...sexy buddy, and she wanted to blow off some steam. So now I'm good and tipsy, and of course I've been texting John. Maybe that's my problem. Or maybe it isn't? I do wanna see him... Eventually this texting thing will fizzle out anyway, might as well see if there's anything to it, right??

Thursday, February 6, 2014

I'm Back! For Real This Time...

I just decided that I am going to recommit to this blog. I'm going to try to post AT LEAST once a week, even if nothing is going on, so that I can get my readership back up. I like knowing that there are people out there listening to what I have to say, even if I can't really communicate with them directly. It's also really nice to have subjective opinions on things. And I think I might actually have some things to talk about. So I'm just gonna dive in!

Well, I graduated from art school. Yay!! I'm seriously so glad it's over. My last semester was terribly stressful. Ugh. And I've even booked a couple weddings this summer! One in Florida, and one in Mexico - how cool is that?? Anyway, I'm now in, what I believe to be, my last few months living in Chicago. I'm just working, and I'm taking piano lessons again. And I'm trying to get back into the dating game. You guys, it's been over a year since I've slept with anyone. I've practically been revirginized. Lol. But that's not really what I'm after, I just wanna have somebody to do things with! Sex would be a perk, obviously, but I've gone so long without it at this point I may as well just continue being celibate for the sake of my dating sanity.

So, you've all heard of Tinder by now, I'm assuming? Well even though I am very anti online dating, I saw my coworker, Ananda, using the app at work the other day, and I was looking over her shoulder, and we were both just kinda, "Oh, he's cute!" and "NOPE!" and it was funny and entertaining, so I decided to give it a shot. Well after about a month, and several matches, I never attempted to talk to anyone. That would just make it too...online datingish. And I'm against that. So I was like no, I'm just looking. But then this guy that I "liked" messaged me out of the blue, and I can't remember what he said exactly, but it was something that sparked my attention, and we got to talking. His name is Richard. And it turns out that Richard and I have a lot in common. He loves photography, he reads, he's even read Harry Potter! And, speaking of Harry Potter, he's from the UK, which means he has a sexy accent. Lol. And he's smart, and funny, and has a steady job. He's a biology teacher. All the things I'm looking for in a guy. But I'm not gonna lie, the whole I'mBritishandI'veReadHarryPotter thing really sealed the deal for me as far as he is concerned. Lol.
So for about a week we chatted on the app, and I was starting to get impatient, wondering if he was ever just going to ask me out! THAT is exactly the reason I don't like online dating. Because you invest all this time messaging each other back and forth, and you talk, and it's like you're getting to know each other, but your'e really not. And you're using up all the good first date conversations. And then when you finally do meet the person, if you don't like them, it's harder to cut ties, because you've already spent all this time chatting with them online! What it all boils down to, for me, is chemistry. I know right off the bat if I have chemistry with someone, but I can only determine that if I actually meet the guy in person! So I hate spending a lot of time chatting on the internet. It just feels like a waste to me. But then finally, on Superbowl Sunday, Richard asked for my phone number. I was out watching the game at a bar with Abbie and her girlfriend, Helen, when he finally asked what my week was looking like. So I told him I was free on Monday and Wednesday, but that Wednesday worked best for me. And he said something like, "Great, that works for me."
Monday we didn't talk all day, Tuesday I didn't hear from him either, and I was starting to wonder if I was going to, when I just said fuck it, and texted him. All I said was, "Hi!" And he said, "Hey! How was your day?" and we small talked for a minute and then I asked him if we were still on for tomorrow. He said, "Yea, I'm looking forward to it."
I suggested 8 o'clock because I had a piano lesson, but he said that was kinda late for him because he has work to do when he gets home from work. (Grading papers??) And he said maybe we could do it another day. But I told him I could manage 7 if that wasn't too late, and he said that should work. So we picked a place and that was that.
Well I had to get up extra early today to get ready, because I had errands to run, and then my 2 hour piano lesson (I have a performance Sunday) and then straight on to the date! So I had to plan ahead cuz I knew I wasn't going to have time to get ready after all that. So I painted my nails, curled my hair, picked out a nice, but casual, outfit and I was almost out the door when he texted me. He can't make it. He has a work meeting, and then still more work to do, so he doesn't have time, but can we reschedule?
I was so pissed right off the bat that I didn't text him back right away. I mean, I went to all that trouble for nothing! WTF?! Ugh. So I didn't text him back for like a half hour, then I just said, "Awe man, that sucks!"
Well after my piano lesson, I saw that he had responded saying he's sorry and he'd rather meet on a day when he's not so busy and he can relax. Whatever that means... So I asked him what days work best for him. Well, like FIVE HOURS later he finally replies with his schedule or whatever, and I texted him back shortly with mine. And then I think he went to sleep or something cuz I never heard back from him. Everything about it just makes me so frustrated and discouraged. Now I remember why I hate dating. Online dating specifically. But I'm not ready to give up on Richard yet, because...I like him. I think. We'll see. I hope he doesn't smoke or something.

Well, that's my Tinder story. So does anybody remember John? He's this guy I used to work with at the bar in Houston, and we've made out a few times. We never hooked up, but we've always had this incredible chemistry. So now he works for this huge international company doing like...geological engineering or some shit like that. He gets to travel all over the world, so I pretty much never know where he is. But we've kept in touch since I moved. He's one of the few people from the old bar that I kept in touch with actually. With the exception of my best friends, of course. It's weird though, we have these really long text message conversations while he's all over the world, doing science. Lol. That's what I call his work, because when he tried to explain it to me, it just sounded like a bunch of weird mumbo jumbo engineering jargon. Anyway, recently he featured in two of my dreams. Like two in one week, it was crazy. So I texted him to tell him about it. I was lost in some jungle and he basically saved me. Haha. He was in the marines in real life, so that's a believable story. But he said the dream made him really happy. :) He's so sweet. So I've been talking to him all night, since getting bailed on by my date, and it has definitely put me in better spirits. I wish we could have these awesome conversations in person instead of via text messaging. I often wonder if we'd even be having these conversations at all if I had slept with him way back when. Maybe there is something to this whole sexual abstinence thing... Ha!