Well, after much deliberation, I have decided to keep my blog. I've just gotten used to the idea of blogging again, and I was just starting to enjoy myself. Writing is very therapeutic. Anyway, all my friends/boyfriends/coworkers names have already been changed, so they still get privacy. The only real name you guys know is mine. And so what if you know what I look like? It was just the one picture, right? I am still going to continue signing off as Peyton though, just for continuity's sake. So anyway, now onto the good stuff.
John and I have been talking again. Not as frequently as we were at the beginning of February, but we're getting there. Sometimes I start to overthink/overanalyze things with John (duh, you all know I do that), but I just have to keep reminding myself that he is not like other guys. He doesn't play games, and he's very honest. What you see is what you get. So I don't have to worry that he's lost interest just because I don't hear from him for a while. He is literally married to his work. And I don't mind that. At times it can be a little frustrating, just because it makes him harder to read. And I can't really judge his words/actions against other guys because, like I said, he's not like other guys! I know, all girls say that about a guy at some point in their life, because he's really good at leading them to believe that, but that really isn't the case with John. He's different. In a good way, I think. In a way that actually may be beneficial for me.
So we were texting last night till about 8am (ridiculous, I know) and I mentioned that I would still like him to come visit. He's on another job right now, in the Panhandle, and he's working from 7pm to 7am every day. I dunno how he does it. But he said he thinks he'll be done in about a week and he'll see what the schedule looks like. It also happens that I am going to NOLA next week to shoot my cousins senior portraits. So mayyyyyybe we can spend a day together or something. Although NOLA is not very close to Shreveport, which is where John lives. But anyway, so we talked till 8am, and then I finally went to sleep and had the most amazing dream about him. Well, about us. We were together, like together together, and we were traveling. Like just...traveling the world! And we were so happy! I remember thinking (in the dream) that everyone around us must be able to see how happy and in love we are. And I remember nuzzling his neck, and kissing him. Lots of kissing. ((Sigh)) Have you ever had a dream like that, where you were just soooo happy, that you still feel kind of elated when you wake up, but then also kind of sad, because it's over, and none of it was real? I know it was just a dream, and it's no coincidence that I had a dream about John after practically falling asleep talking to him, but I still hope I can have that in real life someday. Hopefully sooner than later.
Showing posts with label Dreams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dreams. Show all posts
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
An Old Friend
I just remembered that last night I had a dream about Evan. His birthday was a couple days ago. I can't remember much about the dream, except that he and I were hanging out together. And we were having a good time. And I woke up sad. I sent him a text message that said, "Happy Late Birthday!" He never responded, of course. I don't know why I can't just get over the fact that he and I aren't friends anymore. It just really, really hurts. He's such a great guy, so funny, and a lot of fun. He was like my best guy friend, other than Todd. I think about him every time I watch Seinfeld. And I just wanna be like, "Hey Evan, remember that episode where-" but I can't. Because he basically broke up with me. Like...friend dumped me. I wanna tell him how much it hurts that he did that, but I don't know if he'd even answer my phone call! He didn't even try to get in contact me when I moved to Chicago. ((Sigh)) Maybe it's his wife. Maybe she knows we have a weird past. Maybe she doesn't trust me or feel comfortable letting Evan hang out with me or something. But to me, all that stuff that happened between us doesn't matter anymore. I just wish I could have my friend back. You know what? I'm going to try calling him right now...
Monday, July 26, 2010
Only In Dreams
He was so beautiful, but young. Too young. And why would he be
interested in me anyway? Guys at his age usually just wanna mess
around, be single and have a good time.
But there we were; he sat on the ground in front of me, with his back
pressed against my chest. My arms were wrapped loosely around his
midsection and my head rested comfortably on his shoulder. Then he
turned around and just kissed me.
I smiled, because I knew in that moment that nothing else mattered. So
what if he's a couple years younger than me? Who cares what people
think?
interested in me anyway? Guys at his age usually just wanna mess
around, be single and have a good time.
But there we were; he sat on the ground in front of me, with his back
pressed against my chest. My arms were wrapped loosely around his
midsection and my head rested comfortably on his shoulder. Then he
turned around and just kissed me.
I smiled, because I knew in that moment that nothing else mattered. So
what if he's a couple years younger than me? Who cares what people
think?
Three months later we were still together, still happy, falling in
love. He was my world, and I was his.
And I know He's out there somewhere. Whoever He is.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Moving Backwards
Lately I've been...
I can't stop thinking about Brandon. I don't know why, or when exactly it started but, I've been having dreams, and I've been thinking about him more than usual and...
I miss him.
I wish I could call him, and talk to him and just...have someone to confide in.
It used to be out of sight out of mind with him, but I haven't actually seen Brandon in over a month. I've been out of town on weekends, and so has he, so we've been missing each other at the bar for the last several weeks. But I can't help but wonder if he still thinks about me at all. Or if he ever misses me. And I'm finding it hard to accept how much I really loved him, because...he couldn't have felt that way about me.
((Sigh))
Why am I moving backwards??
I can't stop thinking about Brandon. I don't know why, or when exactly it started but, I've been having dreams, and I've been thinking about him more than usual and...
I miss him.
I wish I could call him, and talk to him and just...have someone to confide in.
It used to be out of sight out of mind with him, but I haven't actually seen Brandon in over a month. I've been out of town on weekends, and so has he, so we've been missing each other at the bar for the last several weeks. But I can't help but wonder if he still thinks about me at all. Or if he ever misses me. And I'm finding it hard to accept how much I really loved him, because...he couldn't have felt that way about me.
((Sigh))
Why am I moving backwards??
Monday, January 11, 2010
It Just Happens.
I had one of those awful dreams again. It was my maternal grandfather this time. Commonly known to me and the other grandkids as Poppa. Usually when I have dreams about friends or family members dying, I wake up and they always seem so...implausible. But this one was different. Poppa is old, and showing the early stages of Alzheimer's. I woke up crying, I don't know what time it was. It didn't even feel as if I'd been sleeping very long, because I fell asleep crying too. Friday was the anniversary of Oliver's death. I didn't realize it till I got home from work that day. I wasn't really paying attention to the date, But as soon as I realized it was the 8th...I knew. That got me thinking about how it happened, the mental image in my head of Brandon carrying my limp, lifeless puppy across the feeder road, where he laid him in a dense patch of trees. His eternal resting place. I just kept thinking that I would have never made it through that without Brandon. And that is one of the fondest memories I have of him.
And then I started thinking, what if something happened to Jasper? I just couldn't go on if I had to go through that again. Especially alone. My train of thought went on and on like this all weekend, but my biggest concern became, What would happen to Jasper, if something happened to me? And the only answer I was satisfied with was, Brandon will have to take him. Because I know Brandon loves him, and would take good care of him, and Jasper would be happy with him.
So Friday night I planned on talking to Brandon about it at work. But...things didn't really work out that way. His slore showed up at the bar, got hammered, and was still sitting there, with her head on her arms, after hours, waiting for him, while we were counting money. Why the fuck does she have to be at my bar!?? Why couldn't she just leave with her stupid friends?? I wanted to set her on fire. Ugh. It's bad enough that I have to work with Brandon, look at him and wonder how you can go from being best friends with someone, to not speaking to them at all. And then she shows up, encroaching on my territory. ((sigh))
I walked back into the office to change out some big bills and Brandon was back there, talking to Mark.
"Hey, your slutwhore's out there waiting for you." I said, before I could stop myself. All my emotions - sadness about what day it was, the fact that it had never even occured to Brandon what day it was, seeing that stupid whitetrash slutface cheapfuck harlot of a girlfriend of his - everything just bubbled up to the surface. Deep down, I was seething.
"She's not a slutwhore." He said.
"Um, YEA, she is." I said.
"Easy, sweety!" Greg said, but I could tell he really just wanted to laugh.
After that, I went about my business as if the heated exchange between Brandon and I had never happened. But I went home upset, and disappointed. I didn't get to ask him about Jasper, and I knew I still had to. But part of me wanted to just say "Forget it! Someone else will take Jasper." And maybe I'm being a little over-the-top about my dog, but he's like my child. And I really do just want what's best for him, even if that is Brandon.
The next night at work, Brandon wasn't there. When I walked in it was kind of like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, not having to see him. I asked Greg if he thought I should apologize to Brandon for what I said about The Slore.
He laughed and said firmly, "NO! No, you should not."
I felt instantly better.
But then, at 1am, Brandon showed up. He'd been working at the new bar (jealous! SO not fair that he gets to pick up shifts over there when he SUCKS!!!!), and he came strolling in all pompous-like with that stupid uniform on. They have to wear ties. Apparently someone called him over, because it was so busy.
Greg was like, "Dude take off that fucking tie, you look like a retard!"
Brandon blundered on about not having time or something, but we both knew he thought he looked cool. What a dumbass.
Then Brandon proceeded to piss me off for the rest of the night! When the bar closed, he disappeared somewhere while everyone else was cleaning. Then when he came back, he sat his ass down and started counting tips! It is an unspoken rule that no one counts tips until all the cleaning is done. It's only fair.
So I walked back and said in my calmest, most collected, nonchalant voice, "Hey Brandon, could you come up here and help us? We're not done up front."
"Well I already did everything back here!" He said, which was a lie, because he didn't even work the back bar. Aaron did, and Aaron did most of the cleaning, and he was up front helping us!
"Ok, well Aaron is up here helping us." I said.
"Well I'm just counting tips cuz [blablabla excuses]"
I was running out of patience.
"Ok fine. Just stay back there then, don't worry about it." I said, with an obvious inflection that it was not fine.
Looking back on the situation, it's almost amusing, the great lengths he goes to to avoid me, but still. That's fucking ridiculous. Do your fucking job and we won't have any problems. G's...
So Saturday night, I went home pissed off.
And Sunday was my day of reflection. I replayed the entire weekend, and that whole horrible day in my mind. January 8th, 2009. And I thought about the integral part that Brandon played, and how he'd been there when I got Jasper, and how much he loves him. ((Sigh))
That's it, I told myself, and I picked up the phone and dialed Brandon's number.
No answer. ((Sigh))
Text message: Hey, call me when you get a chance. I have to ask you something.
Then I finally got in bed. And cried. Cried about Oliver, cried about Brandon, cried about...just everything. I don't wanna die alone. Then I fell into a horrible dream about my grandpa dying, and I woke up again, sobbing. But Jasper was snuggled up against my back, and just his warm body was enough to calm me down. I fell back asleep pretty quickly and didn't dream again.
When I woke up this morning, I saw that I had a missed call from Brandon at 12:44am. I'm going to call him back when I get off work. I wonder what he'll say. Will he try to talk to me? Will it be super awkward? Or will it be easier to talk without the influence of work surrounding us? I don't know what to expect. But I'm not gonna try to talk to him about anything, just Jasper. I started making a living will today. It's pretty basic. I mean...most of my stuff, I don't care where it ends up, but there are sentimental things that I would like to see fall into the appropriate hands. I also included usernames and passwords for email accounts and stuff. Including this blog. So...if I ever die, hopefully you guys will find out about it. It won't be like I'll just stop posting one day out of the blue.
I'm going to send the living will to Sophie, when I finish it. Most of my stuff is going to her anyway. I'll be glad when I'm finished with it, because I feel like a black cloud has been looming over me. Thinking about death is not pleasant, but sometimes, it needs to be done. Nobody plans death, it just...happens.
And then I started thinking, what if something happened to Jasper? I just couldn't go on if I had to go through that again. Especially alone. My train of thought went on and on like this all weekend, but my biggest concern became, What would happen to Jasper, if something happened to me? And the only answer I was satisfied with was, Brandon will have to take him. Because I know Brandon loves him, and would take good care of him, and Jasper would be happy with him.
So Friday night I planned on talking to Brandon about it at work. But...things didn't really work out that way. His slore showed up at the bar, got hammered, and was still sitting there, with her head on her arms, after hours, waiting for him, while we were counting money. Why the fuck does she have to be at my bar!?? Why couldn't she just leave with her stupid friends?? I wanted to set her on fire. Ugh. It's bad enough that I have to work with Brandon, look at him and wonder how you can go from being best friends with someone, to not speaking to them at all. And then she shows up, encroaching on my territory. ((sigh))
I walked back into the office to change out some big bills and Brandon was back there, talking to Mark.
"Hey, your slutwhore's out there waiting for you." I said, before I could stop myself. All my emotions - sadness about what day it was, the fact that it had never even occured to Brandon what day it was, seeing that stupid whitetrash slutface cheapfuck harlot of a girlfriend of his - everything just bubbled up to the surface. Deep down, I was seething.
"She's not a slutwhore." He said.
"Um, YEA, she is." I said.
"Easy, sweety!" Greg said, but I could tell he really just wanted to laugh.
After that, I went about my business as if the heated exchange between Brandon and I had never happened. But I went home upset, and disappointed. I didn't get to ask him about Jasper, and I knew I still had to. But part of me wanted to just say "Forget it! Someone else will take Jasper." And maybe I'm being a little over-the-top about my dog, but he's like my child. And I really do just want what's best for him, even if that is Brandon.
The next night at work, Brandon wasn't there. When I walked in it was kind of like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, not having to see him. I asked Greg if he thought I should apologize to Brandon for what I said about The Slore.
He laughed and said firmly, "NO! No, you should not."
I felt instantly better.
But then, at 1am, Brandon showed up. He'd been working at the new bar (jealous! SO not fair that he gets to pick up shifts over there when he SUCKS!!!!), and he came strolling in all pompous-like with that stupid uniform on. They have to wear ties. Apparently someone called him over, because it was so busy.
Greg was like, "Dude take off that fucking tie, you look like a retard!"
Brandon blundered on about not having time or something, but we both knew he thought he looked cool. What a dumbass.
Then Brandon proceeded to piss me off for the rest of the night! When the bar closed, he disappeared somewhere while everyone else was cleaning. Then when he came back, he sat his ass down and started counting tips! It is an unspoken rule that no one counts tips until all the cleaning is done. It's only fair.
So I walked back and said in my calmest, most collected, nonchalant voice, "Hey Brandon, could you come up here and help us? We're not done up front."
"Well I already did everything back here!" He said, which was a lie, because he didn't even work the back bar. Aaron did, and Aaron did most of the cleaning, and he was up front helping us!
"Ok, well Aaron is up here helping us." I said.
"Well I'm just counting tips cuz [blablabla excuses]"
I was running out of patience.
"Ok fine. Just stay back there then, don't worry about it." I said, with an obvious inflection that it was not fine.
Looking back on the situation, it's almost amusing, the great lengths he goes to to avoid me, but still. That's fucking ridiculous. Do your fucking job and we won't have any problems. G's...
So Saturday night, I went home pissed off.
And Sunday was my day of reflection. I replayed the entire weekend, and that whole horrible day in my mind. January 8th, 2009. And I thought about the integral part that Brandon played, and how he'd been there when I got Jasper, and how much he loves him. ((Sigh))
That's it, I told myself, and I picked up the phone and dialed Brandon's number.
No answer. ((Sigh))
Text message: Hey, call me when you get a chance. I have to ask you something.
Then I finally got in bed. And cried. Cried about Oliver, cried about Brandon, cried about...just everything. I don't wanna die alone. Then I fell into a horrible dream about my grandpa dying, and I woke up again, sobbing. But Jasper was snuggled up against my back, and just his warm body was enough to calm me down. I fell back asleep pretty quickly and didn't dream again.
When I woke up this morning, I saw that I had a missed call from Brandon at 12:44am. I'm going to call him back when I get off work. I wonder what he'll say. Will he try to talk to me? Will it be super awkward? Or will it be easier to talk without the influence of work surrounding us? I don't know what to expect. But I'm not gonna try to talk to him about anything, just Jasper. I started making a living will today. It's pretty basic. I mean...most of my stuff, I don't care where it ends up, but there are sentimental things that I would like to see fall into the appropriate hands. I also included usernames and passwords for email accounts and stuff. Including this blog. So...if I ever die, hopefully you guys will find out about it. It won't be like I'll just stop posting one day out of the blue.
I'm going to send the living will to Sophie, when I finish it. Most of my stuff is going to her anyway. I'll be glad when I'm finished with it, because I feel like a black cloud has been looming over me. Thinking about death is not pleasant, but sometimes, it needs to be done. Nobody plans death, it just...happens.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Dreams
Last night I had 2 really strange dreams...
First, I dreamed I lived in an apartment, right across from Law School. And I was playing with Jasper in the living room of my apartment, and I happened to notice Law School, through the window of his apartment. My blinds were halfway drawn, so he couldn't really see me, unless he was really looking. So I peaked through the blinds to see what he was doing, and there was a girl there! She had long, dark brown hair, and she would have been pretty, except that she had a really long, prominent nose. And she was wearing his shirt...and that's it. And they were flirting or whatever, and I just...couldn't take my eyes away from the window! I don't know why. And then he saw me! And he kinda waved, and I just pretended I was picking something up off the floor (Jasper's ball) and I kinda waved back. Then I left the window and went back to playing with Jasper, and suddenly, they were both in my living room. I don't know why, or how they got there, but that's dreams for ya! So anyways, I can't remember why they were there. I think I had something of his, maybe? But I was pissed, because here he was, the guy I like, with some chick, that he'd obviously just had sex with, in my living room! So I was kind of short with them. He made some blithe comment about them having sex, and I said, "Yea, I could feel the walls vibrating. Now both of you, out! I have to practice piano." And they scooted as I shooed them, and then I sat down at the piano and began playing a very melancholy song.
In my second dream, it was New Year's Eve, and I was at the club, with this guy, I have no idea who! He doesn't exist in real life, but I knew him in this dream. And the night started out kind of fun, and then before I knew it, I was sitting at the bar alone, wondering where all my friends were, and it was 11:48. Almost midnight. And I had this sudden sense of urgency, "Oh no! I have to get out of here! I have go to my bar, and kiss...kiss who?? I have no one to kiss!"
And then that strange guy that I was with, was suddenly sitting next to me, and then we were kissing. But I didn't really wanna kiss him, I just did, because he kissed me. Ugh... It was horrible.
Gee, I wonder what those 2 dreams mean??? It's so weird how dreams are such pure reflections of our thoughts. Anyways, Cali called me 3 times yesterday, and sent me a text, asking me if he was "in the dog house". I just didn't feel like talking to him. I needed time to process, and absorb, ya know? So I didn't respond. But by the time I got in bed last night, I decided I wasn't upset anymore. I mean, I understand how it can be hard to talk about something like that, and I know he wasn't trying to deceive me or anything it's just... I have lots of ex boyfriends, ok?? There's no reason for me to talk about any of them, because clearly they weren't for me! But I don't have any ex-husbands! I didn't make any lifetime commitments to anyone, or possibly have any children! But he did. And I don't think you can really compare a marriage to just a relationship, because it's so much more profound than that. But whatever, I'm over it now. When I got to work this morning, I had an email from him. This is what it said:
Peyton,
It's obvious that I've upset you, and my guess is that it's because I didn't tell you I was divorced. I'm sorry. In about a week from now you'll have forgotten all about me, and I just want you to know that I never intended to be deceptive, nor did I have any ulterior motives or bad intentions. I really liked you and I wanted to tell you when I thought it was right. It's apparent to me now that I should have said something earlier. I truly am sorry.
Take care Peyton, and I wish you all the best in 2010.
Kindest Regards,
[Cali]
Kindest regards??? Who says that?? ((sigh)) Well anyways, I wrote him back. And this is what I said:
Obviously, you're pretty good at making assumptions, but before you go off thinking that I hate you and never wanna talk to you again, let me just explain where I'm coming from.
I didn't feel like talking to you yesterday, because I needed some time to process that information, and I was afraid that if I did talk to you, I might end up saying something smarmy, sarcastic and mean. I mean, you drop a bomb on me, and then just expect me to blithely carry on a conversation with you as though it never happened??
Yea, I'm kinda pissed that you didn't tell me, because you pretty much assumed I would react a certain way, therefore making that decision for me, instead of letting me make the decision to react, however I would have reacted, on my own. You should know that that's not the type of thing you keep from someone you may possibly, eventually have a relationship with. Even if you think you wanna wait and tell them, the more you get to know a person, and the more time you spend with them, the harder it is to tell them, and the easier it is to avoid the subject, and ultimately, someone ends up getting pissed off, or hurt. Obviously, since we both agreed that this didn't seem to be going anywhere, it's not that big of a deal, but I just think you should know that, for future reference.
Also, I kind of feel like everything I thought I knew about you, all the opinions I formed about you, were based on half truths. So I kind of just wanted to think about things, and not deal with any bullshit. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm a pretty no nonsense person, and I don't like people hiding things from me. I just put up with too much of that shit in the past.
And I find it hard to believe that you could just be totally over your ex-wife after only 6 months! I mean...I'm just barely over my ex, and we weren't even married.
Now, since I don't know the story, or the circumstances, I'm not going to make any assumptions about it, I just know that divorce can be a very messy, emotional situation. And while I understand you not wanting to tell me that you were married, I still don't agree with it.
I don't think you had bad intentions, or ulterior motives, and I wasn't going to just write you off and never speak to you again. But at this point, I kind of feel like you know a lot about me, and I obviously know nothing about you. So..how does that work?? I guess I'm just frustrated, and I really need a stiff drink.
So, I said my piece! He knows how I feel, and I think I put it pretty diplomatically. ((sigh)) Well, I know he already read it, but he hasn't written back yet. I'm sure he will though. But for now...it's back to work.
First, I dreamed I lived in an apartment, right across from Law School. And I was playing with Jasper in the living room of my apartment, and I happened to notice Law School, through the window of his apartment. My blinds were halfway drawn, so he couldn't really see me, unless he was really looking. So I peaked through the blinds to see what he was doing, and there was a girl there! She had long, dark brown hair, and she would have been pretty, except that she had a really long, prominent nose. And she was wearing his shirt...and that's it. And they were flirting or whatever, and I just...couldn't take my eyes away from the window! I don't know why. And then he saw me! And he kinda waved, and I just pretended I was picking something up off the floor (Jasper's ball) and I kinda waved back. Then I left the window and went back to playing with Jasper, and suddenly, they were both in my living room. I don't know why, or how they got there, but that's dreams for ya! So anyways, I can't remember why they were there. I think I had something of his, maybe? But I was pissed, because here he was, the guy I like, with some chick, that he'd obviously just had sex with, in my living room! So I was kind of short with them. He made some blithe comment about them having sex, and I said, "Yea, I could feel the walls vibrating. Now both of you, out! I have to practice piano." And they scooted as I shooed them, and then I sat down at the piano and began playing a very melancholy song.
In my second dream, it was New Year's Eve, and I was at the club, with this guy, I have no idea who! He doesn't exist in real life, but I knew him in this dream. And the night started out kind of fun, and then before I knew it, I was sitting at the bar alone, wondering where all my friends were, and it was 11:48. Almost midnight. And I had this sudden sense of urgency, "Oh no! I have to get out of here! I have go to my bar, and kiss...kiss who?? I have no one to kiss!"
And then that strange guy that I was with, was suddenly sitting next to me, and then we were kissing. But I didn't really wanna kiss him, I just did, because he kissed me. Ugh... It was horrible.
Gee, I wonder what those 2 dreams mean??? It's so weird how dreams are such pure reflections of our thoughts. Anyways, Cali called me 3 times yesterday, and sent me a text, asking me if he was "in the dog house". I just didn't feel like talking to him. I needed time to process, and absorb, ya know? So I didn't respond. But by the time I got in bed last night, I decided I wasn't upset anymore. I mean, I understand how it can be hard to talk about something like that, and I know he wasn't trying to deceive me or anything it's just... I have lots of ex boyfriends, ok?? There's no reason for me to talk about any of them, because clearly they weren't for me! But I don't have any ex-husbands! I didn't make any lifetime commitments to anyone, or possibly have any children! But he did. And I don't think you can really compare a marriage to just a relationship, because it's so much more profound than that. But whatever, I'm over it now. When I got to work this morning, I had an email from him. This is what it said:
Peyton,
It's obvious that I've upset you, and my guess is that it's because I didn't tell you I was divorced. I'm sorry. In about a week from now you'll have forgotten all about me, and I just want you to know that I never intended to be deceptive, nor did I have any ulterior motives or bad intentions. I really liked you and I wanted to tell you when I thought it was right. It's apparent to me now that I should have said something earlier. I truly am sorry.
Take care Peyton, and I wish you all the best in 2010.
Kindest Regards,
[Cali]
Kindest regards??? Who says that?? ((sigh)) Well anyways, I wrote him back. And this is what I said:
Obviously, you're pretty good at making assumptions, but before you go off thinking that I hate you and never wanna talk to you again, let me just explain where I'm coming from.
I didn't feel like talking to you yesterday, because I needed some time to process that information, and I was afraid that if I did talk to you, I might end up saying something smarmy, sarcastic and mean. I mean, you drop a bomb on me, and then just expect me to blithely carry on a conversation with you as though it never happened??
Yea, I'm kinda pissed that you didn't tell me, because you pretty much assumed I would react a certain way, therefore making that decision for me, instead of letting me make the decision to react, however I would have reacted, on my own. You should know that that's not the type of thing you keep from someone you may possibly, eventually have a relationship with. Even if you think you wanna wait and tell them, the more you get to know a person, and the more time you spend with them, the harder it is to tell them, and the easier it is to avoid the subject, and ultimately, someone ends up getting pissed off, or hurt. Obviously, since we both agreed that this didn't seem to be going anywhere, it's not that big of a deal, but I just think you should know that, for future reference.
Also, I kind of feel like everything I thought I knew about you, all the opinions I formed about you, were based on half truths. So I kind of just wanted to think about things, and not deal with any bullshit. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm a pretty no nonsense person, and I don't like people hiding things from me. I just put up with too much of that shit in the past.
And I find it hard to believe that you could just be totally over your ex-wife after only 6 months! I mean...I'm just barely over my ex, and we weren't even married.
Now, since I don't know the story, or the circumstances, I'm not going to make any assumptions about it, I just know that divorce can be a very messy, emotional situation. And while I understand you not wanting to tell me that you were married, I still don't agree with it.
I don't think you had bad intentions, or ulterior motives, and I wasn't going to just write you off and never speak to you again. But at this point, I kind of feel like you know a lot about me, and I obviously know nothing about you. So..how does that work?? I guess I'm just frustrated, and I really need a stiff drink.
So, I said my piece! He knows how I feel, and I think I put it pretty diplomatically. ((sigh)) Well, I know he already read it, but he hasn't written back yet. I'm sure he will though. But for now...it's back to work.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I Got A Feelin'... That Tonight's Gonna Be A Good Night
Sorry, it's been so long since I've blogged! I've been meaning and meaning to write, but I've been so busy, and I'm about a week behind on sleep now! Ugh...
So let's start from the beginning. Thanksgiving week was nice and relaxing. I had to leave work early on Tuesday for my doctor's appointment. I got my blood work done, so they could try to find out what's going on with my hair, and nothing turned up. :( So I have to go see a dermatologist. But hey, at least I'm healthy! I mean, other than the obvious.
Wednesday was my last day of the work week, and Sheila and I went out and got pretty crazy that night! Cory and I were supposed to hang out, and he had texted me earlier that day, but when I was ready to go, he didn't answer the phone! So I just figured, oh well. And Sheila and I had tons of fun, just the two of us, anyway. I haven't been that drunk in a long time. Lol. But don't worry, we took cabs, so we were safe. I crashed pretty hard that night after a much needed carefree night of partying. A little too hard though, because I did not wanna get out of bed the next morning! I was an hour late to Thanksgiving lunch/dinner at the grandparents, and everyone had already eaten. My parents were in Florida, and Sophie was spending the holiday with Brent's parents, so it was just me. But Jenna and Paul were there, and I scarfed down a plate of food before everyone started packing it all up. We actually had a pretty good time, the 3 of us. We sat at the table in the kitchen, talking and goofing off, while the rest of the family was in the living room being boring. Lol. My grandfather is a bit crotchety in his old age, and he's very particular, and likes to give his grandsons a hard time. He's also going deaf, so he shouts a lot. Lol. So Paul was just sitting in his chair reading a GQ, and Grandpa kept harassing him. Lol. Yelling at him to get his lazy ass up and help clean up. Jenna and I could hardly stifle our laughs.
So I had fun, catching up with them. Jenna had to leave that night though, because her boyfriend had a death in the family that week. So unfortunately, she and I didn't get to spend any more time together after Thanksgiving dinner.
I had been planning on going out again Thursday night, but I was just so tired, I ended up staying in, cuddling with Jasper on the couch, and going to bed early. Cory called to tell me he was sorry about the night before, but he'd passed out on his friends couch, and woke up at 4am fully clothed. And of course, I was too tired to do anything, so we ended up never getting to see each other! I was pretty disappointed I guess, but having too much fun to really notice.
Friday night I had to work at the bar; that kinda sucked. I didn't even leave my apartment during the day, because I was afraid of Black Friday traffic. I live pretty close to the mall, so it gets really insane over there. I had a really horrible dream about Brandon that night too. I dreamt that it was my birthday, and he was trying to give me something; he had bought it when we were still together. But I told him it was too much, and I didn't think it was appropriate for me to accept his gift. And he kinda just shrugged, said ok, and then walked off. And we were in the parking lot of the mall or something, so I turned and started to walk the other way, and I just started crying. The my mom came and picked me up, and as we were leaving the parking lot, I saw Brandon and his new slore standing on the curb, kissing. I woke up sobbing. Needless to say, I wasn't in the greatest mood. But I had to run errands and pack my things for my trip with the girls to go watch Todd's football game! My first NFL game ever!! So that definitely cheered me up. Our plane was slotted to leave at 7am Sunday morning! Work was kinda slow, but I didn't have to work behind the same bar as Brandon, which was nice. ANNNND...I met someone!
I was working the waitress well, and I noticed one of my favorite waitresses, Liza, talking to this guy. He was tall, with olive skin and dark hair, and he had kind of an exotic look to him. Like he might be Hawaiian or half Filipino. So I asked her if he was a friend of hers.
"No, he's just sitting at one of my tables.", she said, "Why?"
"Because he's hot!" I said.
She laughed. "You wanna know what he said about you??"
"WHAT!" I could hardly contain myself. Surely, this had to be a joke.
"He said, 'That girl looks mean, and a little scary, but I like it!'"
I busted out laughing. "Find out how old he is, but don't tell him I asked."
So she came back, and reported that he's 31.
Perfect! I thought. No more immature guys who need to get their lives together!
I quickly whipped up 4 of my best shots.
"Bring these to him and his friends, one is for you, and tell him they're from me." I said to Liza.
"One's for me? Thanks!" She beamed, and bustled off to his table.
I sorta got busy for a while after that, and before I knew it, he was standing in front of my well!
"Hey! Thanks for the shots, they were really good!" He said.
"You're welcome." I said, "I'm Peyton."
I shook his hand, blushing slightly. I've never dated someone that much older than me before. And the thought of it was kind of intimidating. For some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about it! Lol. I mean, it's only 6 years, but the most I've ever done is 4.
"I'm [Cali]." He said. (That's what I'm calling him, cuz I later learned, he's from San Diego.)
"So, my friends and I are actually about to take off... Do you think I could call you sometime?" He asked.
"Sure! Um...one second." I ran to the other end of the bar to grab my purse. I whipped out one of my photography business cards and handed it to him. Much quicker than writing down my name and number.
"Thanks!" He said, "I'll see ya later."
"Bye!" I said.
My night got considerably better after that. But wait till you guys read about our trip!
So let's start from the beginning. Thanksgiving week was nice and relaxing. I had to leave work early on Tuesday for my doctor's appointment. I got my blood work done, so they could try to find out what's going on with my hair, and nothing turned up. :( So I have to go see a dermatologist. But hey, at least I'm healthy! I mean, other than the obvious.
Wednesday was my last day of the work week, and Sheila and I went out and got pretty crazy that night! Cory and I were supposed to hang out, and he had texted me earlier that day, but when I was ready to go, he didn't answer the phone! So I just figured, oh well. And Sheila and I had tons of fun, just the two of us, anyway. I haven't been that drunk in a long time. Lol. But don't worry, we took cabs, so we were safe. I crashed pretty hard that night after a much needed carefree night of partying. A little too hard though, because I did not wanna get out of bed the next morning! I was an hour late to Thanksgiving lunch/dinner at the grandparents, and everyone had already eaten. My parents were in Florida, and Sophie was spending the holiday with Brent's parents, so it was just me. But Jenna and Paul were there, and I scarfed down a plate of food before everyone started packing it all up. We actually had a pretty good time, the 3 of us. We sat at the table in the kitchen, talking and goofing off, while the rest of the family was in the living room being boring. Lol. My grandfather is a bit crotchety in his old age, and he's very particular, and likes to give his grandsons a hard time. He's also going deaf, so he shouts a lot. Lol. So Paul was just sitting in his chair reading a GQ, and Grandpa kept harassing him. Lol. Yelling at him to get his lazy ass up and help clean up. Jenna and I could hardly stifle our laughs.
So I had fun, catching up with them. Jenna had to leave that night though, because her boyfriend had a death in the family that week. So unfortunately, she and I didn't get to spend any more time together after Thanksgiving dinner.
I had been planning on going out again Thursday night, but I was just so tired, I ended up staying in, cuddling with Jasper on the couch, and going to bed early. Cory called to tell me he was sorry about the night before, but he'd passed out on his friends couch, and woke up at 4am fully clothed. And of course, I was too tired to do anything, so we ended up never getting to see each other! I was pretty disappointed I guess, but having too much fun to really notice.
Friday night I had to work at the bar; that kinda sucked. I didn't even leave my apartment during the day, because I was afraid of Black Friday traffic. I live pretty close to the mall, so it gets really insane over there. I had a really horrible dream about Brandon that night too. I dreamt that it was my birthday, and he was trying to give me something; he had bought it when we were still together. But I told him it was too much, and I didn't think it was appropriate for me to accept his gift. And he kinda just shrugged, said ok, and then walked off. And we were in the parking lot of the mall or something, so I turned and started to walk the other way, and I just started crying. The my mom came and picked me up, and as we were leaving the parking lot, I saw Brandon and his new slore standing on the curb, kissing. I woke up sobbing. Needless to say, I wasn't in the greatest mood. But I had to run errands and pack my things for my trip with the girls to go watch Todd's football game! My first NFL game ever!! So that definitely cheered me up. Our plane was slotted to leave at 7am Sunday morning! Work was kinda slow, but I didn't have to work behind the same bar as Brandon, which was nice. ANNNND...I met someone!
I was working the waitress well, and I noticed one of my favorite waitresses, Liza, talking to this guy. He was tall, with olive skin and dark hair, and he had kind of an exotic look to him. Like he might be Hawaiian or half Filipino. So I asked her if he was a friend of hers.
"No, he's just sitting at one of my tables.", she said, "Why?"
"Because he's hot!" I said.
She laughed. "You wanna know what he said about you??"
"WHAT!" I could hardly contain myself. Surely, this had to be a joke.
"He said, 'That girl looks mean, and a little scary, but I like it!'"
I busted out laughing. "Find out how old he is, but don't tell him I asked."
So she came back, and reported that he's 31.
Perfect! I thought. No more immature guys who need to get their lives together!
I quickly whipped up 4 of my best shots.
"Bring these to him and his friends, one is for you, and tell him they're from me." I said to Liza.
"One's for me? Thanks!" She beamed, and bustled off to his table.
I sorta got busy for a while after that, and before I knew it, he was standing in front of my well!
"Hey! Thanks for the shots, they were really good!" He said.
"You're welcome." I said, "I'm Peyton."
I shook his hand, blushing slightly. I've never dated someone that much older than me before. And the thought of it was kind of intimidating. For some reason, I couldn't stop thinking about it! Lol. I mean, it's only 6 years, but the most I've ever done is 4.
"I'm [Cali]." He said. (That's what I'm calling him, cuz I later learned, he's from San Diego.)
"So, my friends and I are actually about to take off... Do you think I could call you sometime?" He asked.
"Sure! Um...one second." I ran to the other end of the bar to grab my purse. I whipped out one of my photography business cards and handed it to him. Much quicker than writing down my name and number.
"Thanks!" He said, "I'll see ya later."
"Bye!" I said.
My night got considerably better after that. But wait till you guys read about our trip!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Aniticipating Distraction
Well, this weekend was...interesting, to say the least. So I'm gonna work my way backwards...
Last night I had a dream that Brandon and I got back together...that we talked, well mostly he talked, and I listened, and we kissed and...everything was good again. ((Sigh)) I woke up way too early, thinking about him, and wondering if he thinks about me, and wanting to call him, text him...
Of course, I didn't. But it was just so...heart wrenching. Because I wish so bad, that I could have that. A dream come true.
But I know it's not right. Not meant to be. We can't go back. Ever.
((Sigh))
Work last night was uneventful. Brandon hasn't made any more attempts to talk to me. And now I wish he would. Even though I still probably wouldn't listen. It would just be nice to know that he still cared on some level.
Friday night was actually, pretty good!
Ali and I got a little tipsy behind the bar. Lol. It was so slow, and I was...well you know. Working with Brandon.
So, my blast from the past, Mike, came into my work again that night. And he and I took some shots together, and we just kind hung out for a bit.
"So, Peyton! When are we gonna hang out? You know, like...really hang out?" He asked.
"What do you mean?? You've got my number!" I said.
"No! I don't actually! I mean, I thought I did, but I don't!"
"Ok, ok, well here!" I said, as I jotted my number down on a scrap of paper, "Now you don't have any excuses!"
"Awesome! I won't lose it!" And he folded it up and put it in his shirt pocket.
He left soon afterwards, but I'm sure I haven't heard the last of him.
Not too long afterwards, I served this really mysteriously sexy guy a couple times. He was really...quiet, and under the radar, ya know? Very intriguing... So when he asked me to close his tab, I made sure to look at his credit card, and get his first name. Logan. Then I wrote him a little note, and slid it into his check presenter.
"I'm just gonna go out on a limb here and give you my number..." And I left him my number!
Then last night, he texted me!! I was at work though, so I didn't get it till like...4am. But it said, "Hey what are you up to tonight?"
And then, "Sorry, I forgot you didn't have my number... This is Logan from last night. You wrote your number on my tab."
So I wrote him back, much later, "Well hello, Logan! Sorry, I just got your text. I know you're probably passed out by now, but I am still at work!"
Well, it is now 9pm the next day, and I never heard back from him again, so... Who knows? Maybe he'll never call! But, at least I put myself out there! Right?
Oh, and Mike Facebook messaged me today! He wants me to go watch his band next Thursday. I told him I'd try to make it, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to get off work.
Jasper's been sick the past week. He's had like...chronic, explosive diarrhea! I mean...literally, he can't make it through the night! And I've been losing sleep, because I keep having to get up and take him out, or get up and clean up his kennel, because he shat all over it. ((Sigh))
So I got up yesterday morning, after only 4 hours of sleep, and took him to the vet. Then I spent the entire day worrying about him, because the vet tech said he would need a parvo test. Ugh...
He ended up being fine in the end. Just stressed from moving. They gave him some antibiotics, and they're already starting to work!
So I guess, all in all, my weekend has been really...up and down. Every time I think I'm starting to move on, or...learn to live without Brandon, I get knocked down again. Something always happens! ((Sigh))
Hopefully a distraction will come soon.
Austin next weekend! I can't wait!!
Last night I had a dream that Brandon and I got back together...that we talked, well mostly he talked, and I listened, and we kissed and...everything was good again. ((Sigh)) I woke up way too early, thinking about him, and wondering if he thinks about me, and wanting to call him, text him...
Of course, I didn't. But it was just so...heart wrenching. Because I wish so bad, that I could have that. A dream come true.
But I know it's not right. Not meant to be. We can't go back. Ever.
((Sigh))
Work last night was uneventful. Brandon hasn't made any more attempts to talk to me. And now I wish he would. Even though I still probably wouldn't listen. It would just be nice to know that he still cared on some level.
Friday night was actually, pretty good!
Ali and I got a little tipsy behind the bar. Lol. It was so slow, and I was...well you know. Working with Brandon.
So, my blast from the past, Mike, came into my work again that night. And he and I took some shots together, and we just kind hung out for a bit.
"So, Peyton! When are we gonna hang out? You know, like...really hang out?" He asked.
"What do you mean?? You've got my number!" I said.
"No! I don't actually! I mean, I thought I did, but I don't!"
"Ok, ok, well here!" I said, as I jotted my number down on a scrap of paper, "Now you don't have any excuses!"
"Awesome! I won't lose it!" And he folded it up and put it in his shirt pocket.
He left soon afterwards, but I'm sure I haven't heard the last of him.
Not too long afterwards, I served this really mysteriously sexy guy a couple times. He was really...quiet, and under the radar, ya know? Very intriguing... So when he asked me to close his tab, I made sure to look at his credit card, and get his first name. Logan. Then I wrote him a little note, and slid it into his check presenter.
"I'm just gonna go out on a limb here and give you my number..." And I left him my number!
Then last night, he texted me!! I was at work though, so I didn't get it till like...4am. But it said, "Hey what are you up to tonight?"
And then, "Sorry, I forgot you didn't have my number... This is Logan from last night. You wrote your number on my tab."
So I wrote him back, much later, "Well hello, Logan! Sorry, I just got your text. I know you're probably passed out by now, but I am still at work!"
Well, it is now 9pm the next day, and I never heard back from him again, so... Who knows? Maybe he'll never call! But, at least I put myself out there! Right?
Oh, and Mike Facebook messaged me today! He wants me to go watch his band next Thursday. I told him I'd try to make it, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to get off work.
Jasper's been sick the past week. He's had like...chronic, explosive diarrhea! I mean...literally, he can't make it through the night! And I've been losing sleep, because I keep having to get up and take him out, or get up and clean up his kennel, because he shat all over it. ((Sigh))
So I got up yesterday morning, after only 4 hours of sleep, and took him to the vet. Then I spent the entire day worrying about him, because the vet tech said he would need a parvo test. Ugh...
He ended up being fine in the end. Just stressed from moving. They gave him some antibiotics, and they're already starting to work!
So I guess, all in all, my weekend has been really...up and down. Every time I think I'm starting to move on, or...learn to live without Brandon, I get knocked down again. Something always happens! ((Sigh))
Hopefully a distraction will come soon.
Austin next weekend! I can't wait!!
Monday, August 24, 2009
Interesting Developments
OMG. I'm kind of drunk right now. And I didn't mean to get drunk. But I was eating leftover wings, and all I had to drink was bottled water, or wine. So I opened this bottle of sparkling wine that Brandon and I bought about a week ago, and I poured myself a glass. I figured, what the hell? And the wings were a bit spicey, so I ended up chugging my first glass, and then my second, and well...here I am! Drunk! Hahaha.
So I'm pretty buzzed, chatting on Facebook, and guess who messages me?
You guys probably don't remember him, but back when we met, I referred to him as The Good Guy. We actually "met" on a dating website, and he knew Bethany. Well, every now and then, he comes into my bar, or we run into each other. I've just never mentioned it before, cuz I never thought it was really relevant. Ya know? But tonight, he sent me a FB chat message, and when I went ot write back, he had signed off. So I texted him.
Me: You hung up on me!
TGG: My computer is being a biatch. Whats up?
Me: I dunno, you messaged me!
TGG: Yea, I was looking forward to some FB chat but alas, my computer is ridiculous. Just sayin hey.
Me: Ah...yes. FB chat is my only form of entertainment at my new place till the cable gets set up.
TGG: Where's your new place?
Me: (description)
TGG: Cool. I'm still at the same place. This is gonna sound weird, but I had a dream about you last night.
Me: Aaahahaha! About what?
(Ten minutes goes by...)
Me: Comeon...The suspense is killing me!
TGG: The fact that I'm not going to tell you what the dream was about will probably give you a good idea of what was involved. So yea... It was interesting.
Me: OMG. WE HAD DREAM SEX!?
TGG: Lol yes. We did. I woke up as surprised as you are.
Me: Surprised and satisfied! Haha. You know what that means, right?
TGG: It means I woke up with a boner and had to pee really bad.
Me: Lmao, Well yes, but it also means you have deep rooted sexual frustration that you secretly want to take out on me.
(Several minutes go by...)
Me: [TGG]. There's no need to be embarassed. We're both consenting adults. Lol.
TGG: Ah! I just got every text back to back all at once. now my phone is being a bitch.
Me: Man...technology must really be out to get you.
TGG: Yep. Well FYI, you were a good lay in the dream. Just sayin...
Me: Lol. Well FYI, I'm not just good in dreams. Just sayin...
TGG: So what are you saying, Peyton? I'm listening.
Me: Well...I thought I was being pretty clear. Heh.
TGG: I'll keep that in mind. I'm just chilling at my place by the way.
Me: Oh really? Same here.
TGG: Feeling froggy? Why don't you jump on over here?
Me: While that is rather tempting, I am covered in paint and in desperate need of a shower. Lol. I had to repaint/clean my old apt today. So I'm going to request a raincheck. And I don't mean "i'mblowingyouoffandcallingitaraincheck", I mean an actual raincheck.
TGG: Ok cool stuff. I'll take a raincheck. On that note, though, I must depart and call it a night. We'll chat soon though.
Me: Very well then. Hopefully I'll make another appearance in your dreams. ;)
That concluded our conversation. And reading it back, I almost feel ashamed at my tipsy, randy self, but oh well! It was fun!
And who knows what may happen. A rebound may commence...
Although, unfortunately, I do have to give you all a Brandon update.
Saturday night, I was in a really good mood at work again, because Todd played really good in his game, and I got to watch most of it.
Anyways, Brandon got to work 2 hours after me, and I ignored him, as usual. But around last call, the lights came on, and I was closing out a tab, and he walks up right night to me at the computer.
"So you're not gonna talk to me tonight either?" He asked.
"Nope." I said, as I swiped the credit card.
"Why not?"
"Because I have nothing to say to you." The stupid credit card wouldn't go through!
"Well I just want to talk to you about-"
"I don't care. I'm not going to waste any more time, effort, or words on you, Brandon. Just leave me alone." I grabbed the check presenter and made for the other computer, since that one wasn't working anyway.
He followed me!
I don't know what he was saying, because I wasn't listening, but he was hissing in my ear, stuff about our relationship, that he wanted to talk about.
I physically pushed him away from me.
"Leave me alone! If you wanna go fuck other girls, that's your business, but I don't want to hear about it." I walked off again. By this time, I was starting to get upset. He was still following me.
When I got to the other end of the bar, I asked Mark to please tell Brandon that I now was not the time or place to talk to me.
Mark looked up from what he was doing, glanced over at Brandon, and nodded.
But Brandon still persisted!
"It's not about other girls!" He said.
My eyes were flooding with tears, and my face was hot with anger.
I just can't deal with this. Especially not now, I thought.
Magically, Mr. S. appeared at the end of the bar. I hurried over to him.
"Could you please tell Brandon to leave me alone. I can't deal with this right now." I pleaded to him, tears starting to spill over.
He looked sympathetic.
"Come over here. You can go to the back bar. We'll send Sierra up front." He said.
I had to walk back past Brandon to leave the bar. I was so upset at him for doing this to me, now at work, and for almost making me cry, in front of everyone! I shoved him as hard as I could up against the beer cooler.
"You're a piece of shit!" I yelled over the loud music as I stormed off.
The rest of the night went by without incident.
I still don't understand why he's doing this to me.
I just want to move on!
Maybe The Good Guy will be a nice distraction, or even a rebound.
I'm getting a bikini wax Wednesday. ((Sigh))
Perhaps I'll give him a call...
So I'm pretty buzzed, chatting on Facebook, and guess who messages me?
You guys probably don't remember him, but back when we met, I referred to him as The Good Guy. We actually "met" on a dating website, and he knew Bethany. Well, every now and then, he comes into my bar, or we run into each other. I've just never mentioned it before, cuz I never thought it was really relevant. Ya know? But tonight, he sent me a FB chat message, and when I went ot write back, he had signed off. So I texted him.
Me: You hung up on me!
TGG: My computer is being a biatch. Whats up?
Me: I dunno, you messaged me!
TGG: Yea, I was looking forward to some FB chat but alas, my computer is ridiculous. Just sayin hey.
Me: Ah...yes. FB chat is my only form of entertainment at my new place till the cable gets set up.
TGG: Where's your new place?
Me: (description)
TGG: Cool. I'm still at the same place. This is gonna sound weird, but I had a dream about you last night.
Me: Aaahahaha! About what?
(Ten minutes goes by...)
Me: Comeon...The suspense is killing me!
TGG: The fact that I'm not going to tell you what the dream was about will probably give you a good idea of what was involved. So yea... It was interesting.
Me: OMG. WE HAD DREAM SEX!?
TGG: Lol yes. We did. I woke up as surprised as you are.
Me: Surprised and satisfied! Haha. You know what that means, right?
TGG: It means I woke up with a boner and had to pee really bad.
Me: Lmao, Well yes, but it also means you have deep rooted sexual frustration that you secretly want to take out on me.
(Several minutes go by...)
Me: [TGG]. There's no need to be embarassed. We're both consenting adults. Lol.
TGG: Ah! I just got every text back to back all at once. now my phone is being a bitch.
Me: Man...technology must really be out to get you.
TGG: Yep. Well FYI, you were a good lay in the dream. Just sayin...
Me: Lol. Well FYI, I'm not just good in dreams. Just sayin...
TGG: So what are you saying, Peyton? I'm listening.
Me: Well...I thought I was being pretty clear. Heh.
TGG: I'll keep that in mind. I'm just chilling at my place by the way.
Me: Oh really? Same here.
TGG: Feeling froggy? Why don't you jump on over here?
Me: While that is rather tempting, I am covered in paint and in desperate need of a shower. Lol. I had to repaint/clean my old apt today. So I'm going to request a raincheck. And I don't mean "i'mblowingyouoffandcallingitaraincheck", I mean an actual raincheck.
TGG: Ok cool stuff. I'll take a raincheck. On that note, though, I must depart and call it a night. We'll chat soon though.
Me: Very well then. Hopefully I'll make another appearance in your dreams. ;)
That concluded our conversation. And reading it back, I almost feel ashamed at my tipsy, randy self, but oh well! It was fun!
And who knows what may happen. A rebound may commence...
Although, unfortunately, I do have to give you all a Brandon update.
Saturday night, I was in a really good mood at work again, because Todd played really good in his game, and I got to watch most of it.
Anyways, Brandon got to work 2 hours after me, and I ignored him, as usual. But around last call, the lights came on, and I was closing out a tab, and he walks up right night to me at the computer.
"So you're not gonna talk to me tonight either?" He asked.
"Nope." I said, as I swiped the credit card.
"Why not?"
"Because I have nothing to say to you." The stupid credit card wouldn't go through!
"Well I just want to talk to you about-"
"I don't care. I'm not going to waste any more time, effort, or words on you, Brandon. Just leave me alone." I grabbed the check presenter and made for the other computer, since that one wasn't working anyway.
He followed me!
I don't know what he was saying, because I wasn't listening, but he was hissing in my ear, stuff about our relationship, that he wanted to talk about.
I physically pushed him away from me.
"Leave me alone! If you wanna go fuck other girls, that's your business, but I don't want to hear about it." I walked off again. By this time, I was starting to get upset. He was still following me.
When I got to the other end of the bar, I asked Mark to please tell Brandon that I now was not the time or place to talk to me.
Mark looked up from what he was doing, glanced over at Brandon, and nodded.
But Brandon still persisted!
"It's not about other girls!" He said.
My eyes were flooding with tears, and my face was hot with anger.
I just can't deal with this. Especially not now, I thought.
Magically, Mr. S. appeared at the end of the bar. I hurried over to him.
"Could you please tell Brandon to leave me alone. I can't deal with this right now." I pleaded to him, tears starting to spill over.
He looked sympathetic.
"Come over here. You can go to the back bar. We'll send Sierra up front." He said.
I had to walk back past Brandon to leave the bar. I was so upset at him for doing this to me, now at work, and for almost making me cry, in front of everyone! I shoved him as hard as I could up against the beer cooler.
"You're a piece of shit!" I yelled over the loud music as I stormed off.
The rest of the night went by without incident.
I still don't understand why he's doing this to me.
I just want to move on!
Maybe The Good Guy will be a nice distraction, or even a rebound.
I'm getting a bikini wax Wednesday. ((Sigh))
Perhaps I'll give him a call...
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
A Girl Can Only Dream...
Last night I had the most amazing, most vivid dream about Gavin! We kissed, of course, and it was incredible! And then I woke up. ((sigh)) And now I'm as impatient as ever to kiss him for real! We didn't do anything Saturday night! I'm starting to think this is never going to happen. GRRR!!! Maybe I should just be patient and let the pieces lie where they fall. Not like I have any other options at this point...
So, Vette Guy called me again today. I finally answered and he's taking me out to dinner Saturday night. ((sigh)) Probably a bad idea but it's not like I have anything else going on... And I know what you're thinking and I'm NOT gonna sleep with him! I just need to go on a good date!
My sister, Sophie's coming into town Thursday! I can't wait! She'll only be here a few days but it'll be enough time for us to have some sisterly bonding time.
Friday night, Melissa, Sophie and I are going out. Saturday night is my date. Sunday night, employee outing! Another opportunity to hang out with Gavin, but I'm not holding my breath.
Mitch Of The Day:
"I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle."
So, Vette Guy called me again today. I finally answered and he's taking me out to dinner Saturday night. ((sigh)) Probably a bad idea but it's not like I have anything else going on... And I know what you're thinking and I'm NOT gonna sleep with him! I just need to go on a good date!
My sister, Sophie's coming into town Thursday! I can't wait! She'll only be here a few days but it'll be enough time for us to have some sisterly bonding time.
Friday night, Melissa, Sophie and I are going out. Saturday night is my date. Sunday night, employee outing! Another opportunity to hang out with Gavin, but I'm not holding my breath.
Mitch Of The Day:
"I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle."
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Anticlimax
Well, there's really not much to write about as far as this weekend goes. We didn't even hang out after work last night! Everybody kinda just...went home. But I ended up having to work today, so I'm kind of glad I got my sleep.
Work today TOTALLY sucked! Some stupid drunken idiot knocked over a table, some chairs, some drinks and his friend (who happened to be wearing a short skirt and everyone saw her panties)!! Haha. I guess it's kind of funny in retrospect but not when you're having to babysit and bartend at the same time. And hello!? It was 4 o'clock in the afternoon! On Sunday! What is wrong with people...
I did see The Albanian after work on Saturday night though. We didn't talk much cuz we were counting money. But I did notice that he got a nice tan from being in Mexico. And here's what's weird, I had a dream about him last night! I dreamt that we were walking through some city together with some mutual friends, probably work people, and he dragged me inside some place because he said he had to tell me something. And in the dream, I was sure he just wanted to kiss me! So I must have looked at him like...like I dunno, like I thought he was about to kiss me, but really he did just want to tell me something! Haha. But then, when he saw that I wanted to kiss him, he kissed me anyways, and it was like...omg. The most amazingly charged kiss! Not just , or sparks. It was like, even when the kiss is over, you just sit there, with your eyes still closed trying to regain your composure. THAT'S what it was.
Freakin. Amazing.
And it was just a dream!! Soooo I'm thinkin maybe I should give The Albanian a shot. It's just I had kind of already decided he's too much like my ex-fiance...really laid back, not super masculine, but really sweet. Ya know? And it's always nice to have a guy that treats you right, but in the case of my ex, he just let me walk all over him. And THAT is a turn-off. So we'll see I guess...I'm not working with him again till Thursday. Poo...
In other news, Vette Guy is now my friend on facebook. Lol. I'd sent him the request ages ago and forgotten about it, and apparently he rarely checks it. But he accepted me, and I looked at his pictures, and he definitely needs a teeth whitening. Haha. I know that sounds really mean, but hey! He blew me off, and it makes me feel better!
...and he calls himself a model...
As far as the comments go, YES, I am a real person! Come on, if this was fake, I think I could come up with some better story lines...
And no, I don't really want to go into detail about what I do in the shower.
As for everyone else, thanks for the compliments! I'm glad you all are enjoying the blog! I sure am having fun writing it! And it's nice to know I'm not just blogging to myself ya know? There are actually people out there who have in interest in what I have to say. So that's cool...
I've decided to add something to my blog also! The Mitch Quote Of The Day! I dunno how many of you are Mitch Hedberg fans, but I just can't get enough of his randomness! So here it is:
"I know a lot about cars. I can look at a cars headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming."
Hopefully I'll have some more tantalizing stuff to write about next time!
Oh and P.S. I finished HP7 in less than 12 hours!!! LOVED LOVED LOVED LOVED IT!!
Work today TOTALLY sucked! Some stupid drunken idiot knocked over a table, some chairs, some drinks and his friend (who happened to be wearing a short skirt and everyone saw her panties)!! Haha. I guess it's kind of funny in retrospect but not when you're having to babysit and bartend at the same time. And hello!? It was 4 o'clock in the afternoon! On Sunday! What is wrong with people...
I did see The Albanian after work on Saturday night though. We didn't talk much cuz we were counting money. But I did notice that he got a nice tan from being in Mexico. And here's what's weird, I had a dream about him last night! I dreamt that we were walking through some city together with some mutual friends, probably work people, and he dragged me inside some place because he said he had to tell me something. And in the dream, I was sure he just wanted to kiss me! So I must have looked at him like...like I dunno, like I thought he was about to kiss me, but really he did just want to tell me something! Haha. But then, when he saw that I wanted to kiss him, he kissed me anyways, and it was like...omg. The most amazingly charged kiss! Not just , or sparks. It was like, even when the kiss is over, you just sit there, with your eyes still closed trying to regain your composure. THAT'S what it was.
Freakin. Amazing.
And it was just a dream!! Soooo I'm thinkin maybe I should give The Albanian a shot. It's just I had kind of already decided he's too much like my ex-fiance...really laid back, not super masculine, but really sweet. Ya know? And it's always nice to have a guy that treats you right, but in the case of my ex, he just let me walk all over him. And THAT is a turn-off. So we'll see I guess...I'm not working with him again till Thursday. Poo...
In other news, Vette Guy is now my friend on facebook. Lol. I'd sent him the request ages ago and forgotten about it, and apparently he rarely checks it. But he accepted me, and I looked at his pictures, and he definitely needs a teeth whitening. Haha. I know that sounds really mean, but hey! He blew me off, and it makes me feel better!
...and he calls himself a model...
As far as the comments go, YES, I am a real person! Come on, if this was fake, I think I could come up with some better story lines...
And no, I don't really want to go into detail about what I do in the shower.
As for everyone else, thanks for the compliments! I'm glad you all are enjoying the blog! I sure am having fun writing it! And it's nice to know I'm not just blogging to myself ya know? There are actually people out there who have in interest in what I have to say. So that's cool...
I've decided to add something to my blog also! The Mitch Quote Of The Day! I dunno how many of you are Mitch Hedberg fans, but I just can't get enough of his randomness! So here it is:
"I know a lot about cars. I can look at a cars headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming."
Hopefully I'll have some more tantalizing stuff to write about next time!
Oh and P.S. I finished HP7 in less than 12 hours!!! LOVED LOVED LOVED LOVED IT!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)