Saturday, February 27, 2010

Stolen Kiss

Danny was the last person she had expected to see at Ed's. But there he was! Six months ago, she would have been more shocked to not see him at Ed's Country Ballroom, but that was before he joined the Navy. She didn't realize how much she actually missed Danny until she saw him, standing there across the dancefloor. He hadn't seen her though. Not yet.
She backed up through the crowd, and make a wide arc around the dancefloor to approach Danny from behind. Then she put her hands over his eyes.
When he turned around, the look on his face went from confusion, to recognition, to pleasant surprise. He grabbed her up in an embrace that lifted her feet off the floor.

"What are you doing here??" She asked, slightly out of breath.

"I'm AWOL." He laughed, and introduced her to his partners in crime; buddies from the Navy who had made the crazy, all night drive from Florida to Texas with him, just for the weekend.

They made small talk for a bit, then Danny said, "Let's dance", just as a slow country song began to play. The song, One More Day, by Diamond Rio, was one that would always remind her of Danny from that day forward.

"Well you're gettin' pretty good at this 2-steppin' thing!" Danny said as he guided her across the floor.

"Thanks," she smiled, "I learned from the best."

Danny beamed down at her and shook his head.

They didn't talk much during that song, they just danced. But there was something so perfect about the way he held her in his arms. Strong, but gently. He guided her with experience and ease, and they danced together as if they'd been doing it their whole lives.

When the dance finally ended, he spun her once, and dipped her low. She laughed as her long hair cascaded about her shoulders, almost touching the floor. Then he took her hand and led her off the floor, to a table situated away from the noise and clatter of the crowd.

"So how are you, really?" She asked as they sat down across from each other.

Danny sighed. "I miss home. I miss my family, and my friends... and you."

She blushed and couldn't help smiling.

"I've missed you too, believe it or not."

"Well why haven't you written me?" He asked.

"I don't have your address! I didn't even know where you were stationed before tonight!"

"Ok well I'll give it you." He said.

Just then her sister approached, flanked by her 2 friends. They had all ridden together to Ed's, and she just realized they probably had been wondering where she'd wandered off to. It was starting to get late. Almost curfew.

"We're about to go. Do you wanna meet us outside?"

She stole a glance back at Danny, "Yea, I'll be out in a minute."

Her sister and friends walked towards the door, and she and Danny stood.

"One more dance before you go?" Danny asked.


When the dance was over, he spun her again, and pulled her into an embrace. Surprising herself, she planted a kiss on his cheek. Still holding onto her hands, he pulled back and stared at her. She would never in all her life forget the image of his face in that moment. The twinkle in his crystal blue eyes, his look of surprise, his crooked, boyish grin. Before he could say anything, she released his hands and began to walk off the dancefloor.

"Bye Danny." She said.

He stood, glued to that spot on the dancefloor, staring after her, his image burned into her memory as she exited the building.
Her sister and 2 friends were waiting in the parking lot.

"Are you ok?" Her sister asked with concern.

"I'm fine." She said.

When they got home, she went up to her room and sobbed. Was this really what it felt like to fall in love?

Friday, February 26, 2010

Quote Of The Day

"If you weren't such a fucking prick, you'd be a decent person."

Go Me

Last night I went to the cookoff with a bunch of coworkers, got completely tossed and made some bad decisions. I had a great time and have spent the better part of my day listening to people recount my words and actions last night. I've been sitting in my cubicle giggling to myself all morning. Go me. That's all I'm going to say about that.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Quote of the Day

"Why don't you stand in fuck-up corner. You can stay there till, I don't know, I-don't-give-a-shit-about-you 'o clock."

Not In The Cards For Me

1) If you wanna say something rude, go right afuckinghead. But don't be a PUSSY, and put your name to your comment!!! I fucking dare you.

2) The stories I post sometimes, are not merely exercises in creative writing, they're true! :) They're memories; things that have made a major impact on my life.

Moving on...
Todd called me Tuesday night and we talked. The good news is, he and are fine, and I feel really solid about our relationship. He's not going anywhere, and that will never change. He cares about me a lot, and he said we've known each other too long for him to feel weird or awkward around me, no matter what happens. And he said he was sorry for hurting my feelings.
The bad news is, he said he doesn't see me that way. He said he thinks I'm absolutely gorgeous, but he just sees me as a friend. And apparently we had a conversation about this right before the season started, but I was drunk and I don't remember. I have GOT to stop doing that! I feel so stupid. Ugh... So he said he thought I knew what his feelings were, and it was not his intention to hurt me. The other thing is, he and Jayme didn't go on a date Sunday night. They went out with a group of people. She just failed to mention that. She made it sound like it had just been the 2 of them, am I wrong?? I mean I pasted the text messages, exactly as she wrote them. And I told Todd that too.
And after we talked about our relationship and everything, he asked me about Jayme. And I basically said, "Look. When I heard you were interested in her, I talked to a couple friends, just to get some advice, and they all said the same thing: that I was obligated to tell you how crazy she is. That I had to warn you."
So I did. I told him that he's way too good for her. That last year, she would never have given him a second glance. Sure, she probably would have liked him, had they gotten to know each other, but she wouldn't have even bothered. She just likes him now because of what he has to offer. And I told him that she gets insanely jealous with all her boyfriends, and screams, yells, and hits them, and just...completely freaks out... And I didn't think he would want to deal with that. Bottom line is, he's too good for her. Wayyyyyy too good for her.

And it's true, Jayme and I aren't really friends, by definition. We are coworkers, who get along, and who have hung out together from time to time, and I have never bore her any ill will. And if the tables had been reversed, I never would have made the decision she made. I never would have even approached her guy friend, and asked him out, knowing what she knows about Todd and I, if she were in my position. But clearly, she doesn't hold that same regard for me, and that's just the way it is.

Also, she lied and exaggerated about the situation! She led me to believe that she and Todd went out on a date Sunday night, and that he had asked her out again. But really, it was a group of people who hung out Sunday, and really she was the one who asked him out! So I think maybe she just wanted me to think that he was really interested in her, so that I would feel guilted into giving them my blessing. ((Sigh)) Whatever. It's none of my concern anymore. I warned Todd about her, he knows I care about him as his best friend, and I'm very protective of him. And he's smart. He will come to see what everyone else already knows. It will never last.

I'm still pretty depressed that he says he could never see me in a romantic light. I mean, never?? How can you say never? Things can always change, right? ((Sigh)) But I'm not going to hold out hope, because that would be foolish. And I love him so much (as a friend) that even if it hurts like hell, I will always be his friend, and I will always stand by his side, and be there for him, no matter what. And I know, at least, that he does feel the same, in that respect.

But there was more to our conversation... When I told him that my friends had said I needed to warn him about Jayme, he asked me who had said that. Because Jayme had told him that some mutual friends of ours had been telling her not to worry about me, and to just go for it. And Todd said that even though he'd promise not to name any names, he thought that if the same people were talking to me and to Jayme, I deserved to know who they were, because obviously they aren't very loyal friends.

So I named the people I talked to: Izzie, Ben, Bethany, and Melissa. And apparently Melissa is the backstabber! I just couldn't believe it. She had always been a good friend to me. Why would she tell Jayme to not worry about me, and just go out with Todd??
Then I remembered the text message she had sent me earlier that day. This is what it said,

"Peyton, I know u r really upset & mad right now, but u and Jayme have never been good friends. Todd's a nice guy, do you really think she would let this opportunity pass her up? I'm just trying to be honest."

And while that's true, why would she say that to me?? All I needed from her was a friend to lean on, someone to listen. I didn't respond to her text, but when Todd told me that she had told Jayme not to worry, "because she's not going to be reasonable about this anyway", I was just crushed. I mean, she and Jayme aren't even friends!! They've gone to work out together a couple times, but they are friendly acquaintances, at best. Melissa is supposed to be my best friend! And I'm not saying she should take sides, I just think she should have stayed out of it! It wasn't her place to call Jayme and talk to her about my problems! She had nothing to do with it! And that's exactly what Todd said, "I can't understand why she wouldn't just mind her own business".

So Tuesday night, I went to a movie with Ali (When In Rome) and after the movie, I took a deep breath, and called Melissa. I just wanted to make sure and remain calm throughout the conversation. I didn't want a screaming match. So when she answered, I said my calmest voice,

"Are you somewhere where you can talk?"

"Yea, what's up?"

"Well...I'm really mad at you, and upset and hurt. I can't believe that you would reach out to Jayme, and tell her that she should just go ahead and date Todd, because I'm never going to be reasonable about it. I just can't fucking believe that you would stick your nose in where it doesn't belong, and undermine me like that. Why would you go out of your way to say that to her, when you're one of the few people who actually knows how I truly feel about Todd!?"

"First of all, how dare you cuss at me and talk to me like that! I did not reach out to Jayme or say those things! And you have no right to talk to me like that! If this is the way you're going to talk to me, then this is where our friendship ends!"

And she hung up on me.

I tried calling her back, but of course she didn't answer. And now, I was furious, and really hurt. She didn't even offer to explain herself, she just got mad, and her first reaction was to end our friendship! WTF!!?? Now I know how Tim must feel ALL THE TIME. Not to mention, she knows better than to take offense to me cussing. I know it's a bad habit, but anyone who knows me, knows I cuss like a sailor!
And so the text message battle ensued...

Me: I can't believe you're not even going to hear me out and you're just gonna cut me off like that. CLEARLY I'm upset and I wanna clear this up. How can you sit here and make this about you??
Me: I just had the heartbreak of my life, then I find out from TODD that you were talking to Jayme about me. I thought I knew where your loyalties were, and I didn't think they were with Jayme.
Me: And it hurts my feelings even more that you could be so quick to end a friendship.

Melissa: I cannot believe you have the nerve to talk to me like that after I've always been there for you when Bethany and Summer and whoever else hasn't. U can be mad & act ridiculous I'm not worried about it. I have my own problems including my relationship with Tim, taking care of my sick granny & mom plus school. If you had talked to me things would have been different. I'm not playing these dramatic games with you, just leave me alone.

Me: Talk to you like what? Like I'm upset?? I'm not playing games. I can't believe you would hang up on me! That's immature and ridiculous. It would be much easier to TALK but if you're not worried about it then fine. You just wanna kick me when I'm down, not explain ANYTHING to me, not listen to what I have to say, just >click<. That's real nice.
Me: You were the last person I expected to hurt me like this. I don't know why you would reach out to Jayme instead of talk to me, and I can't believe that you could be so flippant and cold, and without giving it a second thought, end our friendship. Soooo fucked up.

Melissa: Undermine you, cuss at me and feel the need to talk to me like I'm beneath you. No, that's not ok & I'm not going to listen when I know nothing I say will change ur mind. I know u better than u think. I've always been loyal. I've always looked out for you. I've always been a good friend. I cannot believe u would react like this bc I talked to Jayme on the phone. Peyton, u are exaggerating & don't use words that I can't understand to make me feel stupid...

I didn't respond anymore after that. By this time, I was in my bed, sobbing, and just ready to go to sleep. But let me tell you what I think.
First, did I use any big words in that conversation that any of you couldn't understand??? Because I wasn't trying to patronize her.
Second, if she has so many of her own problems, and she's not "worried" about me, then why would she even expel the effort to call Jayme? It wasn't her concern!! And I think I have every right to be upset, because she obviously didn't want me to find out that she talked to Jayme. She obviously told Jayme not to tell me they talked, because Jayme made Todd promise he wouldn't tell me! And I'm sorry, but I will take Todd's word over anyone's, any day.

I was really upset and hurt and disappointed after that so-called conversation with Melissa. I mean how much rejection can any one person handle in a day?? But now I just feel...resolved. I mean I'm not going to kiss her ass or try to convince her to be my friend. I'm just sick and fucking tired of trying to make everyone happy. This conflict with Melissa never should have happened! Because none of this had anything to do with her!! And she's the one being dramatic, by telling me she's ending our friendship and then hanging up on me! What are we in high school again??
I know, I'm not without my problems, and drama seems to follow me wherever I go, but try to avoid being the cause of any of it. And try to stay away from people who are the cause. People like Jayme, and I hate to admit it, Melissa! She is like the most dramatic person I know!

So I've decided I'm just gonna lay low for a while. I have a couple of things already on the books for the next couple weeks but I'm pretty much not going to talk to anyone who isn't a relative, I'm not going to log into Facebook for like 2 weeks, and I'm just gonna stay home and be alone. I just don't feel like being around anyone. I feel so emotionally drained and exhausted, and beaten down. I just feel like...shit. Nothing ever seems to happen the way I want it to. I can't just be happy. It's just not in the cards for me.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

First Rodeo

She'd never really been a huge country music fan, so the rodeo had never really caught her interest before. But Danny had invited her. And there was just something about Danny that she found so intriguing. She knew he liked her. But she'd always thought he was kind of...sloppy and crass. To be honest, she'd judged him by his grease streaked wife-beater, holey jeans and cowboy boots from the moment she first saw him. But over the past few months, she had begun to get to know Danny, and he was different than what she'd expected. Oh he was bad news, that's for sure, and he cursed like a sailor. But he was funny, and spontaneous, and there was something about his boyish grin, and husky laugh that captivated her. And he was genuine. He never hid what he was really thinking. Including his feelings for her. But she continued to resist him, and he respected that, even though he didn't like it. And he just wouldn't give up!

So when Danny asked her to join him and his friends at the rodeo, she hesitated at first, but in the end, she gave in. The bus ride to the stadium was full of jokes and laughter, and boys being boys... The rodeo itself was not at all what she had been expecting. There were tons of people, all of them in cowboy boots and hats, there was a carnival, and games... And it was fun! Being the only girl with 4 boys didn't bother her at all. She was used to it. Not because she'd always gotten a lot of attention from boys, but because she'd grown up a tomboy, and her recent transition to public school had made her disturbingly aware of how catty and judgemental girls really were.

So she goofed off with them, teasing the boys when they couldn't hit the bell in the strong arm contest, and spraying them, instead of the targets in the watergun game. When it was time for the concert to start, they left the carnival and went into the stadium. She had never even heard of the performer, and surely hadn't heard any of his songs. But of course all the guys were diehard fans. Their seats were at the very top, and they found themselves walking up and up and around for what seemed like ages.
The seats were so terrible the performers onstage looked like ants. Danny's friends got up to see if anyone would see them some beer.

"Let's dance!" Danny said.

"Dance?? Where?" She asked, surprised.

"Out there! We're at the very top, there's nobody up there." He pointed up and out to the concourse.

"Ok..." She said, and she let him take her hand and guide her out.

When they reached the concourse, he took her right hand in his left, and placed his other hand around her waste.

"What are you doing??" She asked, giggling.

"Two-steppin'!" He said.

"I don't know how." She said.

"I'll teach you." He said.

And he did.

1-2, 3. 1-2, 3. She was a little stiff at first, but after a while, they fell into an easy groove. And he twirled and spun her, and they laughed and laughed.

I could get used to this, She thought, and smiled.

Soon after, the guys showed up (sans beers) and they all took their seats and watched the rest of the show. Danny kept stealing sideways glances at her, and she couldnt help but smile to herself.

That night when she got home, she pulled out her diary and wrote,

Dear Diary,

Tonight was special...

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The Worst Possible Situation EVER.

Ok... A lot of you are asking questions, so I'll explain what happened. First off, Jayme is a friend of mine who works at the shot bar. I've mentioned her here before. She and Summer used to be best friends. She's got huge fake boobs, and bleach blond hair, and she's a playboy-esque model. TOTALLY NOT the type of girl that I EVER thought Todd would go for. Which really hurts... But this is what happened.

Almost right after I posted yesterday, I got a text from Jayme. This is our conversation.

J: Hey call me when u get a free minute
Me: Well that won't be till 4ish. Why? What's up?? Tell me!!

Jayme rarely sends me texts, and we don't hang out much these days, so I had no clue what this was going to be about

J: Lol nothing really... Todd came into my bar the other night and got my number and we hung out last night.. I have always been under the impression y'all are best friends but I wanted to be sure because he wants to take me out again tomorrow.. And we talked about y'alls relationship and he told me y'all are like family and whatnot so I figured y'all really are just best friends but I didn't want to step on anyones toes if there was anything else going on. I'm sure I'm just paranoid but I wanted to come and ask u if it was cool with u if I hung out with him and what u thought about it.. Everyone says y'all are best friends and he said u were like a sister so I just wanted to be sure! Tell me what u think...

At this point all the blood had rushed to my face, I couldn't breathe and I was trying really hard to not start crying.

Me: Um...wow. Well honestly I have feelings for him, I just never told him, bc I didn't know how. But um...I don't know what to say.
Me: The truth is I've been in love with him for 2 years, but he's always had a gf. I really can't even begin to describe how I'm feeling right now.

J: Ooooooh really??? Ok I won't hang out with him.. He told me y'all were like family so I had no idea.. I'm sorry.. I will stop talking to him!
J: Oh my gosh Peyton I'm sorry... We didn't do anything, just had dinner and some drinks.. I won't talk to him.. I had no idea

Me: Well...now I don't know what to do! He's gonna know its bc of me. I don't wanna tell you not to hang out with him. An if he thinks of me as a sister, that's certainly not good...((sigh))
Me: What did you ask him about me?? I didn't even know you were single. What are you gonna do/say to him??

J: Well he just called me and we talked about it for a minute.. He wants u to call him when u get off work...

Me: PLEASE tell me you didn't tell him!!
Me: JAYME! TELL ME WHAT YOU SAID! I'M SERIOUSLY ABOUT TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK! Don't say anything else to him about me!

J: Well we were talking about the situation and he said he already knew... He said you've had friends ask him what he thinks about u and stuff and he said you've hinted you've wanted to go on a date... I told him that this was awkward because I thought he thought of y'all as family (like a sister) and he said yes that's what he's always thought but that I guess recently you've tried to find out what he thinks of u...? or something...? anyways, I told him I thought u had some feelings for him and wasn't sure we should continue to talk and he got a little upset and said he wanted to see me again and I just don't know what to do.. And I don't want to hurt u and I've been single for about a month...
J: He said he needs u to call him so y'all can talk about all of this. I'm gonna stay out of this.. I really don't want drama and that's why I was making sure y'all were really "like family" so I won't talk to him until he tells me what is happening and then I'll go from there.. I'm not about to start a relationship with anyone anyways.. Seriously we just hung out for a couple of hours yesterday.

Me: Well honestly I never asked any friends to do any of that, so I really don't know who's been saying stuff to him. And I never said anything about a date bc we're just FRIENDS! And you CAN tell him that. I'm sorry you got dragged into this. I'm not going to call him. You can go out with him tomorrow, whatever, I don't care.
Me: I always respected him, and the fact that he was in a relationship and never tried to HINT that I liked him cuz I didn't want him to know! Are you on the phone with him again? cuz now I'm hurt, upset and PISSED. Not at you just...I wish I knew where he was getting this information from.

J: No I'm just running a bunch of errands, sorry. You aren't going to call him..? You sure you don't care I see him?

Me: Yes I care, Jayme. I feel like absolute shit, but I'm not gonna dictate who he can or can't see. I'm sitting in my cubicle trying to make it till 4 without bursting into tears!! I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND. But do what you want. Todd likes you, go for it. He's a great guy, who I obviously don't deserve.
Me: And if you tell him any of this I will murder you in your sleep.

Then Todd sent me a text: Hey call me when you get off work.

I didn't respond. At 4 o'clock, I literally ran out of my office. Todd tried to call me. I didn't answer. As soon as I got in the car, I called Jayme. No answer.

So I texted her.

Me: Can you please call me?? Cuz Todd just tried to call me, and I don't wanna talk to him until I know exactly what is going on.

J: Peyton, this is between y'all, not me. Please leave me out of this.

Me: I know that! I just wanna know exactly what you said to him.

I tried calling her again. Still no answer.

Me: Jayme. Seriously? You can't avoid me forever. I'm not mad, I just need to talk to you. This is really important.

J: Ok. Give me 5 minutes.

Then finally, I talked to her.

She said he went into the shot bar Saturday night, before he came to my bar, and she gave him her number. Then they hung out Sunday night, after we all went out to eat. And yesterday he flew out to make a speech somewhere, but he said he was flying back Tuesday to take her out again. And she told him the thought I might have feelings for him, and she felt awkward and didn't want to step on anyone's toes or hurt my feelings. And then he told her that she would be hurting his feelings if he didn't go out with her, because he thought they had a "real connection". WHAT!?? Ugh... Of course, this is all from Jayme's mouth, not his. And all the while this was going on, he was calling me, and calling me, and calling me. But I just couldn't bring myself to answer because I wasn't ready to have that conversation with him. I'm still not!
So Jayme said that she thinks I should call him, and that he really wants to talk to me, cuz I'm his best friend, blablabla... But I told her I just can't. Not yet. And I made Jayme promise that she wouldn't tell him we had talked, or anything I said. And she agreed. And I told her she would have to go out with him because otherwise he would know it was because of me.

After I got off the phone with Jayme, I called Izzie. She and I had been google chatting at work while all this was going on, so she was caught up on the story. She told me not to talk to Todd until I was calm. Because I wasn't obligated to answer his phone calls, and I was clearly in no fit state to talk to him. He was still trying to call me when I was on the phone with her, so I texted him saying I was on hold with the cable company and couldn't click over, but if he was calling about Jayme, I didn't care if he went out with her, and I didn't know what Jayme had told him I'd said, but Jayme's a bit on the dramatic side, and I really don't care.

Obviously that was a boldfaced lie, but I just wanted him to stop calling!
He texted me back asking me to call him when I got off the phone. But I never did, obviously.

I turned off my phone after that. My mom came over, and we talked about it. She said she knows I've liked Todd for a while now, but it's not the end of world, blablabla...usual mom stuff. But she doesn't know how I really feel about him.

I just didn't want it to happen this way. I wanted to tell him when I was ready! And not because of JAYME. ((Sigh)) Now he's telling Jayme he already knew I liked him, which when I think about it it's like...well if he knew I liked him, then why would he go off and try to date one of my friends!?

I cried myself to sleep last night. I feel like I've just been dumped, before I ever even got a shot with Todd. I just...can't take this anymore. It's like no matter what I do, I can't make things right. Everything is always screwed up. And I've never met a guy as great as Todd, and I don't know if I ever will, and for me to be with anyone else would feel like settling. Am I just not deserving enough to be loved by someone I deem worthy?? It's always just rejection. Every guy I've ever cared about has disappointed me in some major way. I just don't wanna do this anymore. I've never felt so heartbroken before because...not only am I in love with him, he's my best friend.

I woke up this morning, still feeling like shit, but with a little resolve. And when I got to work this morning, I wrote Todd an email. I haven't sent it to him yet, but I'm going to. Here it is...

"Ok, I don't really know where to begin, so this might just sound like a bunch of rambling. But I'm sorry I didn't call you yesterday, I just needed some time to collect my thoughts, and I turned my phone off.

First of all let me say, that your friendship means more to me than anything else, and I would never want to do anything to jeopardize that. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I don't really have a lot of people in my life that I can call true friends, who I can really count on. But I've always considered you a true friend, and as such, I want you to be happy, and I have always put your best interests ahead of my feelings.

That being said, my feelings for you are really...complicated. And I never meant to have this conversation with you in this way. I wasn't even sure if I would ever say anything to you about it. And just for the record, I never asked any of my friends to ask you about me, I don't even know who it was. And I never tried to hint anything to you about us dating, because I didn't want you to know how I felt. I wasn't even sure how I felt! And you were with Laura, and I respected that, and would never do anything to undermine that. Anytime that I asked you to hang out or go do something, I meant it to be JUST AS FRIENDS. The thing is, you are my best friend, and I know you're a good person. You're smart, and honest, and genuine, and I respect and admire you a lot. So I guess when you look at it that way, it's not really any surprise that my feelings for you grew into something more. But again, I wasn't really planning on saying anything, or acting on it, because I didn't feel the time was right, and I had absolutely no idea how you felt about me, and I didn't want to make things awkward between us. I was being honest when I told you I think you need to be single for a while. I wasn't saying that because I had some sort of ulterior motive, and I just wanted you to break up with Laura so I could have you for myself. And I hope that's not what you think. Because in my mind, our friendship comes first, and I always try to be honest with you, and tell you what I really think.

Which brings me to my next point. When Jayme texted me yesterday, it really caught me off guard. The first thing I thought was, why didn't you mention anything to me about it? If you were interested in one of my friends, why not tell me?? And I'm not sure what Jayme said to you about me, but I'm assuming she told you I had feelings for you, because she told me you said you "knew" I had feelings for you. And if that is actually the case, and you assumed I did have feelings for you, then why would you date one of my friends?? Because that seems kind of fucked up.
I'm not trying to tell you who you can or can't date. It's not my business, and if you like Jayme, go for it. But I am honestly not comfortable with that, and if you want to continue seeing her, I'm just going to remove myself from the picture completely for a while. Not because I'm angry with you, or with her, I just think it's weird. And I'd rather not hang around with the elephant in the room.
Under any other circumstances, as your best friend, I would feel obligated to tell you everything I know about Jayme, so that you could take what I know and make an informed decision about her. But since we are in this situation, I don't think it would be appropriate for me to say anything to you about her. And you're smart, so I trust that you'll figure it out on your own. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

There are a lot of things that have been swimming around in my head lately, and since I'm already on this tangent, I may as well tell you, that I worry a lot about you, and our friendship. Because like I said before, it means a lot to me. And your life has changed so much in the past year, for the best, but I know how overwhelming it can be. I'm just afraid that I'll wake up one day and you'll be this different person that I don't know anymore. And I really don't want that to happen. And sometimes I feel like I'm walking on eggshells because it's like your...new found fame, or whatever you want to call it, is this big thing that gets in the way of our friendship. I don't mean that in a bad way, I just mean...I don't want you to think I'm some starsucker who just wants to use you, or exploit you because of what you now have. Most of the time I just wish things could go back to normal. But I'm so happy for you, and I know you deserve everything, I just don't really know how to act around you sometimes these days. And that's another reason why I wasn't sure I wanted to say anything to you about my feelings, because I didn't want you to think I just suddenly decided I liked you because you're in the NFL. This is something that has slowly come into fruition over a period of time.

Just know that it is really important to me that I don't lose your friendship. And I don't want you to not see Jayme because of me. Don't worry, I'm used to guys liking my friends by now. Hopefully this clears everything up for you. If you still wanna talk you can write me back or call me after 4."

I'm about to send the email. I don't know what else to do. I guess I won't be going to his party on Saturday after all. I just can't bear to be around him if he's dating one of my friends. And I think it's kind of shitty of Jayme to act like she would stop talking to him for me, but obviously she wasn't expecting me to tell her I liked him. And she doesn't actually care. I just don't see what Todd see's in her. It worries me! This is the first sign of him turning into a famewhore! Big breasted, cheap, easy blonds, who take half naked photos of themselves and post them on facebook! Ugh... He is so much better than her! I mean, don't get me wrong, Jayme is nice, and she's fun, but... She has NO education. She has a 4 year old DEVIL CHILD, she sleeps around, she doesn't really have any self-respect or dignity, everything she wears is like...BOOB CENTRAL! HELLO!!?? and the caliber of men she normally dates is just...ASSHOLES. BIG, DOUCHEY, COCKY, ASSHOLES. ((Sigh))
All my feelings for Todd aside, I like Jayme, but I do NOT like her for my best friend.
I hope Todd realizes this sooner than later. I really do.

Monday, February 22, 2010


Just found out that Todd went out with Jayme last night. They're going out again tomorrow night.
He found out how I feel about him. He obviously doesn't feel the same way.
Don't wanna talk about it.

Bringin' It Back

I just decided I'm going to start adding a "Quote of the Day" again! I don't know if you guys remember, but when I first started my blog, I used to always include a quote at the end from someone funny. My new inspiration is Sleep Talkin' Man!! So, without further adieu...

Quote of the Day:

"Buttcheeks ahoy! There she blows... You can't be a pirate if you haven't got a beard. I said so. My boat. My rules."

P.S. There is a new post below, just in case you didn't notice.

Cloud 9

The last couple days I've been on Cloud 9!
Except for Friday. I worked at the bar that night, and it was really slow. And Brandon had the night off because it was his slore's birthday. And of course, they showed up. Ugh. I also found out that she is his GIRLFRIEND; he's actually in a relationship with this nasty piece of white trash, and for some reason it really upset me. I mean, all that bullshit he spat to me about not being able to balance a relationship, and GOLF, and the fact that he NEVER took off work for my birthday... At my birthday party, he was a total ass!! ((sigh))
Whatever. I don't know why it even bothers me, but having to look at her stupid, pasty white, ugly, squishy face, just makes something erupt inside of me and I just wanna set her on fire! One other strange thing happened Friday. Rusty was there. His band was playing. And I haven't seen him since...well since I dropped him off after the big hurricane over a year ago. He dyed his hair black, wears wayyy too much eyeliner and he looks completely emaciated. Probably from the drugs. Who knows, but he looks like a total emo freak! And he came up to me during their set break and was hitting on me! Telling me how he moved, and he has a new bedroom, with a 60 inch TV and nobody to watch movies with. Ugh...
When we were counting tips at the end of the night, he actually walked to the back and asked me to come over and watch a movie with him!! In front of everyone! I had to laugh, I was so incredulous. He still doesn't have a car, or a phone!! Some things never change... He even texted me at 7:30 am from some yahoo messaging program, wanting to talk! I was asleep, and didn't get the message till the next morning, but needless to say, I didn't write him back.

Anyways, Saturday was MUCH better. Bethany and I finally got together for lunch. It was really great. We talked about everything. Her breakup, Miami, Todd, her new love interest... And I realized how much I've actually missed her. I guess I just needed a break from all the drama. But I love Bethany, I always will, and I'm glad to have her back. :)

Work was awesome on Saturday night, too. First off, it was totally slammed! Secondly, Todd came in to see me, with a group of his friends, and finally, Brandon was there to witness it all. ((Evil grin))
I bought Todd a bottle of champagne, since I know how much he likes it now. Haha! He stood over on my end of the bar, and hung out with me. We took shots together, and it was just really fun! But then I got sent to the back bar, cuz their computer went down, and I got stuck back there for the rest of the night. But Todd came back there to say bye to me at the end of the night, and we ended up making really good money too.
Since I had promised Todd I'd go to church on Sunday, if he went, (for old time's sake!) I literally got 2.5 hours of sleep Saturday night! I got home at 5:30am that night, since we'd been so busy, and we had to do inventory. Then I had to get up at 8 to shower, get ready and drive all the way down to the south side of town, where our church is.
Todd's family and mine sat together, just like we always used to. It was really nice. I felt so...happy! I can't even explain it. As tired as I was, I was really glad to be there. It just felt right. Todd sat on one side of me, and his mom sat on my other side, so that she could chat with my mom. During the offering, she leaned over and asked me if Todd and I wanted to get lunch after church. Of course we both agreed.
But when church ended, it literally took us 30 minutes to get out of there because of all the people bombarding Todd in the narthex! It was crazy! But we finally made it out, and headed to our favorite Mexican restaurant, which is conveniently situated between both of our parents' neighborhoods.
I went to my parents house for a bit afterwards and my mom told me, that Todd's mom told her, that everyone at church was asking if Todd and I are dating.

"And she smiled a little bit too when she said it, like...??" My mom said.

I rolled my eyes. "Ok mom, you've made your point."

"Well I just think maybe you and Todd should get together! And I think his mom thinks so too." She pressed.

"Ok well, Todd's mom just loves fixing people up! It's like her hobby!"

"Yea, but I know she loves you, and you and Todd get along so well, and you make him laugh, and you guys have fun together, why not??"

I sighed. "I don't know, Mom." I said.

I didn't feel like explaining all the complications to her. She doesn't know for sure how I really feel about Todd, but I'm pretty sure she suspects.

When I finally got home around 6:30, I got in bed with Jasper, watched a couple episodes of Glee on DVD and then crashed. I'm still really tired though, and I'm not too sure when I'll get caught back up on my sleep. Todd is headed to Dallas today to start house hunting. But he'll be back this weekend, for the joint Birthday/Superbowl party on Saturday. Lucky for me, I'm off work at the bar that night, so I'll be there! I'm working on a really awesome present for Todd too. His birthday is the 2nd week in March. Cookoff is this week too. I have a feel the next 2 weeks are gonna be pretty awesome and I can't wait!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Up In The Air

I haven't updated in a while because...well it's been pretty quiet around here. Nothing really to write about! But I think I've saved up enough little things over the past few days for an entry by now.
Ben and Summer broke up. Another stupid drunken fight... And Ben has been driving me crazy for the past week, texting me, asking me what to do, how he can get her back, he heard she went on a date with her ex and they're getting back together... Ugh.
I keep telling him to just STOP! Ignore her. Don't call her. Don't text her. Just leave her alone. She's not getting back with her ex, he's just a rebound, as usual. But he won't listen! AHHH! I know she still loves him. And I'm certain they will work it out eventually and get back together, but like I told Ben, she's never going to get over it if he keeps badgering her! She wants some space!
Anyways, so Ben said he wanted to hang out this week, and we decided on today. I convinced Taryn to come along with us, so that I wouldn't get stuck sitting there alone, listening to Ben sob about Summer. And then I invited Todd, cuz he's back for a week or so. We decided on a movie. But then Taryn backed out cuz someone offered her Mariah Carey (ew!) tickets! So now it's just me, Ben and Todd tonight. Ben and Todd have met, and are cool, but still...I'm afraid it's going to be awkward. But we'll find out I guess...

Things on the Todd front have been...inconclusive. I finally talked to him about the whole Laura situation. He said he knew she was expecting him to propose this Spring, and he wasn't planning on it, so he told her not to expect anything. And then she basically gave him an ultimatum, so he broke up with her. And they haven't talked since. Until yesterday...

I'm sitting at my desk at work, and my cell starts vibrating, and it's her! I did a double take. Why the hell would Laura be calling me??

"Hello?" I said in a hushed voice, crouching down in my cubicle.

"Hey Peyton..."

"Hey, what's up?"

"Did I wake you up??" She asked.

"Oh, no no. I'm just talking quietly cuz I'm at work, and I don't get a lot of privacy here."

"Oh, ok. Well...I just wanted to...to call and apologize..."

"Apologize?? For what??" I interrupted.

"For Sunday night, after the Superbowl, you know, if I was being...a downer." She trailed off.

"No, not at all! Don't worry about it. You were wasted. It happens. Hell, I was just as bad on Friday night, and did you forget that I almost puked at breakfast on Saturday??"

She laughed, but I could tell it was strained.

"I was so nervous to call you. I just...I didn't mean to get that drunk. I only had 2 drinks! I've never been like that before, and Todd said that you and Reese had to take me into the bathroom and talk to me, which I don't even remember, and I just feel really embarrassed..."

"You talked to Todd?" I asked, surprised.

"Yea, I sort of, accidentally ran into him earlier today... Anyway, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for being so drunk and everything."

"It's no big deal. Seriously. Don't worry about it." I said.

She sighed. "Ok well...I guess I'll...talk to you later."

Awkward... I could tell she really didn't know what to say here, since we most likely would NOT be talking again later. But what else do you say?

"Sure, yea. I'll talk to you later." I said. And we hung up.

Well that was weird! I thought. She was the last person I expected to get a call from. I immediately started to wonder and worry if she and Todd had talked and decided to work things out. So I sent Todd a text:

So you ran into Laura today? How was that??

Todd: Yea, how'd you know?

Me: She called me!

Todd: Are you serious?? Why??

Me: To apologize about Sunday

Todd: Oh god, she's really calling everybody?? I'm sorry about that.

Me: No, it's no big deal. I mean, that's what I told her. She just feels embarrassed I guess.

Todd: Hey is it ok if I call you in a bit, cuz I'm driving.

Me: Sure. I get off in 15.

So we talked after I got off work, and Todd explained that Laura didn't know he was back in town, and went over to his parents house to drop off some stuff, and there he was. So they talked for a minute, and he mentioned something to her about Sunday night, and how crazy she was acting. And then she said she would call everyone and apologize, but he told her not to, cuz that would be even more weird. Then apparently she tried to kiss him, but he turned away and told her he was sick. Which is true, but he also told me that he's sticking to his guns, and not giving into her this time. It's really over. So that was kind of a relief. We talked a little bit longer and that's when I invited him to the movies with me, Taryn and Ben.
But now Ben's saying he just wants to do dinner so we can chat. Hopefully Todd is cool with that. Maybe just Todd and I can go to a movie afterwards...?

I'm still not sure what I'm going to do about my feelings. I wanna take it slow because I don't wanna overwhelm him, or spring anything on him. He needs time to be single. He's told me. Apparently a bunch of girls have been asking him out lately, since they learned of his newfound bachelorhood. ((Sigh)) I don't wanna miss my chance, but I have to be very careful going about this. I do want to tell him how I feel, but I don't wanna just be like, "I like you and I'm willing to wait around for as much time as you need to go off and fuck other girls, or whatever!" Because that makes me seem too available, and borderline desperate. I'm leaning more towards the "Let's test the waters, and just see where it goes, no pressure, no relationship-talk" approach. It's just a matter of figuring out how to tell him that.

And I don't even know if I'll have the opportunity to get into any of this tonight, or any time soon. But he said he wants to hang out more when he starts feeling better. He had a 104 degree fever on Monday! But anyways, I'm open to more suggestions on how to broach the subject!

In other news, Cecilia and I finally have plans to hang out! We're gonna go see Dierks Bentley at the rodeo. I'm not a big country listener, but I like it every now and then, and Dierks is superhot, and Cecilia is a big fan. Plus, we haven't hung out in a really long time, so I'm excited! Nick and I are going to the Cook Off together as well. I invited Todd to that too, cuz he's never been!! But he's not sure if he'll still be in Houston by then. So it's all still up in the air.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

I'm In Miami, Bitch!

Ok... Where do I start??
There is no way I can even begin to tell the story of this past weekend, so I'll just stick to the highlights.

Laura and I got along just fine in our hotel room. I actually didn't get to see Todd all that much till after the game. Friday night we went out, Saturday I was so hungover I had to sleep most of the day. Then Saturday we went out again, but I didn't drink. Then SUNDAY!!! Laura and I got up and got dressed. I put on Todd's jersey and put my hair in 2 low pigtails. Todd actually stopped by our room before the team left. I gave him a thank you card that said, "Thank you from the bottom of my butt..." on the outside, and "...Cuz it's a lot bigger than my heart" on the inside. Lol. Then I wrote a message inside telling him how much I appreciate everything he's done for me, and how much it means to me, and what a great friend he is. I told him that he's one of the most genuine, kind-hearted, caring people I know and that he deserves all the awesomeness that comes his way. He laughed at the funny message and thanked me for the card. So I know he liked it. Then I had him sign my jersey! Now it's worth milllllllions!! MUAHAHHAAA! jk..
After Todd left, we went to the tailgate party where we met up with Brendan, Andrew and Nico, Reese's boyfriend. Nico is from South Africa, and he has red hair and a cool accent. Lol. Anyway, so the tailgate was awesome, and there was TONS of food! From there we took buses to the stadium, with a police escort! It was so cool! They shut down the whole freeway for us! Once we got to the stadium, we walked around, bought programs and looked at the merchandise. It was literally like a fairgrounds out there. They had carnival rides, and games, and exhibits...it was nuts! When we got inside the stadium, Laura separated from the rest of us, since she was sitting with Todd's parents. Me and the 3 guys had seats by ourselves in a different section.
So the game was awesome, Todd had a very dramatic play! It was considered a turning point in the game! The halftime show was pretty cool I guess. I mean, I like The Who but I'm not a crazed fan or anything. Oh, and it was a little weird hearing the name "Peyton" over the loudspeaker so many times! Lol. After the game, we were all exhausted, and we piled back on our buses to head back to the hotel.
Andrew and I sat together, and inevitably ended up talking about Laura. Apparently Todd tried to break up with her a week ago, and she went apeshit. I guess she almost didn't even go to Miami! Andrew thinks Laura is completely nuts and that Todd needs to hurry up and dump her, because the longer he waits, the crazier she gets. So apparently, all the body language I've been reading from Todd has been spot on. It's not just all in my head!! Lol. And apparently, I'm not the only one who feels like Laura isn't right for Todd.

When we finally got back to the hotel, I rushed up to the room and jumped in the shower. Laura wasn't back yet, but she'd arrived by the time I got out. I dried my hair, and stuck it up rollers, and had started on my makeup by the time she got out of the shower. Then we rushed to finish getting ready. Me with my sparkly black shoes, and purple strapless dress, and she in a black drapey dress.
Then we headed to the ballroom.
The party was insane! There were 2 live bands (FAMOUS bands), an open bar, food, and tons of celebrities there! Reese and I chummed up, because Laura proceeded to get shamefully drunk. Both of us were kind of giving her sideways glances. Todd was off mingling with the other players, so none of us really saw him for the first hour. Then we all regrouped out by the bar, quite by accident. By this time, Laura was fucked 3 times towards the weekend. She had gone completely batty!! First, she walked up to me and slurred, "If Todd ever looks over here, or even notices me, will you take a picture of us?"
I gave her a startled, wide-eyed look and then grabbed Todd's arm.
"TODD! Picture!" I said as he whipped around. I quickly snapped their photo.
Then 10 minutes later, Laura walked over to me again and said, "Ohmygoshh...Todd's so over me. Hey, if we don't know each other next week, I just want you to know that I'm glad we kind of bonded and...and I know you'll always be friends with Todd since you guys are like...BFFs but I just want you to know that I'm glad we met and keep Todd humble, and..." She went on like this for a while.
I glanced at Todd nervously, hoping he wasn't hearing any of this, since he was standing like a foot away! Reese gave me a look like she'd already gotten the spiel. Then we both dragged Laura off to the bathroom. She continued to go on like this, apparently to each of Todd's friends. Reese tried talking some sense into her.
"Girl you need to get yourself together!! Do you see me and Nico?? Just ignore him! Act like it doesn't bother you!"
"It doesssnt matter... He'ssssgonna break up with mmeeeanyways." She slurred.
Reese and I exchanged meaningful looks.
"What are you talking about!" I said, "Snap out of it! We're at a Superbowl party, come on, let's go." And we left the restroom.
Laura wondered off somewhere after that, so Reese and I went to find the guys. We spent the rest of the night, chasing down people and taking photos, and drinking. And overall, we had an amazing time! When the party came to a close, we all decided we wanted Denny's. Lol. So all 7 of us headed downstairs to get a cab.

We were having trouble finding a cab that would fit 7 people, and were thinking we may have to take 2, when a limo pulled up. I mean, we were on a street corner, it wasn't like this limo was trying to pick us up. But Nico and Todd ran up to the window and asked the driver,
"Hey! How much to drive us all to Denny's?"
"Well how much are you wanting to spend?" The driver asked.
"Just tell us how much." Nico said.
"Uh...20 bucks?"

So we all piled into the limo to head to Denny's. Lol. How fucking random is that? Straight out of a scene from The Hangover. Lol. There was even an open bottle of champagne in the limo, which we drank. Lol.
When we got there, Laura went straight to the bathroom, and Reese followed. They were in there for quite a long time. All the guys kept looking at me and saying, "There's only one person at this table who can go in there..."
"I am not going in there! I know what's going on in there, and I'm sorry but I'm not going in there." I said.
When they finally came back, Laura looked red-faced. Reese sat down across from me and rolled her eyes. We took videos of our random, funny, drunken conversations at the table, and Todd bought us all breakfast. Lol. It was a wonderful nightcap.
Then we took separate cabs home, since me, Todd and Laura were going back to the hotel, and the rest of them were going to Reese and Nico's place. In the cab, Todd put his arms around both of us to keep us warm. It was freezing outside!
Then Todd came up to our room, instead of going to his. That felt a little awkward, but hey...we were all drunk so whatever. Todd got on the side of the bed that was on the inside, next to the lamp, which is in between the 2 beds, i.e. closest to me, and Laura threw a mini-fit about that.
"What are you doing?? You know I sleep on this side of the bed!"
"Uh...no you don't."
I pretended not to hear them and rolled over.
Next thing I knew, it was morning.

When I got back to Houston, I was exhausted, and now I'm coming down with something, since I haven't really slept in 4 days, and I spent all that time drinking and partying. Lol.
I haven't been able to stop thinking about Todd and Laura. I mean, I feel so bad for Todd, because clearly he doesn't want to be in that relationship anymore, but she makes it so difficult for him to get out! And I really wanted to talk to him about it, just as a friend, cuz you know, she could have really embarrassed him at that party Sunday night with her crazy talk and boozing. Ugh. But I just didn't wanna say something to Todd and have him think I was being catty, or that I had an ulterior motive. Because even though I do like him, I really just want him to be happy. And I can tell he's not happy with Laura. So last night I sent Andrew a Facebook message.
"Hey, so have you talked to Todd yet? About the whole Laura had a case of the crazies on Sunday night thing??"
I figured, since they're close, and Andrew feels the same way I do, that they had probably talked about it. This morning, he wrote me back. They broke up.

They broke up.

Todd is single!! Let's just hope it's for good this time.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Thanks Guys!!

Wow! Thank you all for your comments and suggestions! My mom saw my haircut today and she says it looks beautiful and sexy and that I'm overreacting. And she's probably right. I just freaked because my hair is very fine, and it didn't come out looking the way I expected. Here's what I wanted it to look like:



But it's little shorter when it's straight, and not as angled in the front. I just need to find some really good product for my roots to give it more body. And I'm gonna experiment with hot rollers, which I have yet to do. But either way, when I'm in Miami I'm just going to act like I LOVE it and not complain to anybody, especially Todd or Laura. And I'm going to have a marvelous time! End of story.

Impulsive Behavior


I got a hair cut yesterday, cuz I had a lot of dead ends, and I wanted a new look, but she cut it way too short, and I hate it and I have no idea how to style it and I'm leaving for Miami tomorrow and now I have no idea what I'm gonna do with my hair, I look like an 8 year old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHH! Ugh, omg. I seriously cried in front of the mirror for an hour last night trying to figure out what I could do with it! When I curl it, I look like Shirley Temple, and if I leave it straight I look like a little kid!!! WHAT AM I GONNA DO1?!???


Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Tough Love

So last night, right after I got in bed of course, I get a text from Bethany that says, "I'm moving in ;)" and I'm like, FUUUUUUUUUUCK.

So I call her, just...completely frustrated and exasperated. I just wanted to go to sleep!
So I'm like, "Look, I really don't think you moving in here is a good idea."


I sighed, "Because of a lot of things that we need to talk about I just didn't wanna bring it up before, because you had so much other stuff going on, and I didn't wanna pile anything else on your plate."

"I gotta go." She said quickly and hung up.

Whatever! I thought, and I laid back down and pulled the covers up over my head.
Ten minutes later, the phone rang. Bethany.

"Ok so...why don't you think it's a good idea that I move in with you?" She asked in an accusing tone.

"Because, lately I've been feeling like this is a one-sided friendship! As soon as I started this new job, it was like you just...replaced me with Summer! And I'm not jealous of Summer or anything, it's just... No one ever calls me anymore, nobody returns my phone calls, you guys are always doing stuff, and I never know what's going on. And it's like...you don't even care what's going on in my life! And I mean, after I took you to the game, I never saw you or heard from you again, it was like you didn't even appreciate it! And then I go all this time without hearing from you, and as soon as you break up with Tugg and you need me to be there for you, then you start calling me again."

"Ok, first of all, I did thank you, several times while we were there, for taking me to the game. And you were talking shit about me, right in front of my face, to your mom on the phone, on the way home!"

"No. I wasn't talking shit. I was pissed off, and you knew exactly why, and I had absolutely no problem saying that in front of you! I mean, you knew why I was there. I wanted to watch Todd play, and I wanted to get there early, but none of you cared about that when you were curling your hair and putting on your fake eyelashes! What that said to me, was you didn't appreciate it, and you were only worried about yourself."

"Well I'm sorry, " She huffed, "But I did appreciate you taking me, and the phone works 2 ways, Peyton! You could have called me too! And I can't believe you're sitting here telling me what a shitty friend I am when I'm dealing with a crisis here! I just ended a 6 year relationship with the man I thought I was going to marry!"

"See, THIS is exactly what I'm talking about. I don't think you're a "shitty friend". And I know you're dealing with a lot of stuff! And that's why I never said anything, but it's like you've been so selfish lately! You can't see anything outside your own bubble, Bethany. And how many times are you going to do this back and forth shit? I mean think about Tugg! Think about what you're doing to him! I mean, you break up, then you get back together, then you continue talking to Ben's cousin, even though you know it's a bad idea. Every time you do this, you call me wanting my advice, but you never listen! So what's the point?? If you have to break up with Tugg, fine! But don't keep stringing him along and dragging everybody else into your shit, because it's not fair to him, and it's not fair to your friends! How are we supposed to be there for you when you do this so much it's exasperating!? How am I supposed to know when to take you seriously? That's why I don't think it's a good idea for you to move in. Because...I just don't think it's in the best interest of our friendship right now. And I do love you, and I do value our friendship, but I just think you need to do this on your own."

Bethany sighed and I could feel her deflating. I knew I'd been a little bit hard on her, but I really felt like she needed to hear that. Better coming from me, someone who does really care about her, than from someone else though, right?
After that, we talked a little bit longer, and we both agreed that we both need to put more effort into our friendship. Tugg was in Vegas this past weekend and when he came back, she told him she just wasn't in love with him anymore. And I guess he was tired of yelling and crying about it, so he just said ok. And I'm not really that surprised about it, because I'm sure Tugg realized on his trip, that being single isn't the worst thing in the world. And hopefully Bethany will realize that soon too.
I made sure to tell her I loved her before we hung up. She told me to call her tomorrow. I feel really guilty for telling her she can't move in but...I just have too much going on to deal with that. I work so much, I hardly have time to clean, and I really value my time alone to unwind. I'm used to having a place to myself, and I feel like having a roommate at this point in my life, so last minute, will just...stress me out. I'm trying to minimize the drama in my life, not make it worse. And her moving in would definitely not help. Plus, my spare room is for my photography studio, and that's what I've been using it for! If she were to move in, where would I put all that stuff?? I'm talking 10 feet long backdrops, lights, boomers, all kinds of equipment! I would have no place to put it, and that would just stress me out too. And I told her that on the phone too. So I think she understands. I hope she does. And while I feel relieved that I finally got all that stuff off my chest, and I feel like I can really forgive Bethany and things can go back to being the way they were, why do I feel so guilty??

Am I abandoning my friend in a time of need??

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The Perfect Dress

Man you guys, let me tell you how much I was hoping that maintenance guy would show up at midnight and add some excitement to my life! I just loooooooooove the drama!!

Anyways, I didn't get a chance to go to my leasing office yesterday, since I was meeting with a new photography client. But I definitely will today! I'm not gonna bother with the police. As rude as they were, I can definitely withstand a little bullying. As for the maintenance guy though?? What it boils down to is, he knew I was there, since my deadbolt was locked, and I'm sure he knew I was sleeping, and he was definitely TRYING to wake me up, which is completely uncalled for. He should left me alone after I didn't answer the door the first time. And that's what I'm going to YELL to my apartment managers. Ugh.

Anyways, other than that little incident, my weekend was pretty good! Saturday during the day, I went to Taryn's apartment and raided her closet for dresses. She had a couple cute ones, but none of them were like...The One. But she told me to bring them anyways. Then we went out to lunch, which was nice. She's one of my only single friends these days, so we can relate to each other.
While we were hanging out Todd called!
"Hey Peyton, I have some good news!" He said.
"Really? What???" I asked, my heart pounding.
"I was able to get you a comped room at our hotel."
"WOW! Seriously???"
I couldn't believe my luck! I'd been wondering how I was gonna manage to get around if I stayed with my mom's cousin. She lives about 30 minutes from the stadium, which is a pretty expensive cab ride.
"Yea! They were only giving the extra rooms out to the players who were married, but one of my teammates is good friends with guy who's in charge of booking the rooms, and he managed to pull some strings."
"Omg thanks, Todd! That's so awesome!"
"No problem! You and Laura will be sharing a room."

Uh oh! I thought, The bomb drops... But I didn't let on how weird that might be, I just thanked him profusely. I don't even care about that! I mean, I like Laura, she's a nice girl, and I have nothing against her personally. I just don't think she's right for Todd! But we get along, and it's going to be fun regardless.

So Saturday night, I worked at the Washington bar. Taryn and I were actually scheduled at the same time, so we carpooled! :)
Go green! Working there was really awesome though. It was a nice change of scenery. The prices and computer system are different, but I picked up on everything right away. It was fast paced, so I wasn't bored, and the night went by quickly, and we made great money!! Just what I need for Miami!!

Sunday morning, I woke up earlier than I'd planned, but I had a lot of stuff to do so I just decided to roll with it. First stop? The mall. As much as I was dreading walking around The Galleria, I just had to find the perfect dress! As I was getting ready to go, Laura called.

"Hey Peyton!! Are you excited?! We're roomies!"
"I know! I am excited! It's gonna be so much fun!"

We chatted about the weekend, our flights, and what to wear. I told her I was about to head to the mall to find something. She expressed that she had no clue what she was going to bring. So I offered to bring along some extra dresses, just in case she wanted to borrow something.
The mall was actually not that bad. I perused through Macy's pretty quickly, found some cute stuff, but nothing that really stood out. Then I headed to French Connection, where I found the perfect dress! Not only is it purple, my favorite color, but it was marked down, and 50% off!! And it fit perfectly! I'll post pictures when I get home.
I also got the perfect accessories to go with it. Black sequined pumps with a matching black sequined clutch. Now, all I need is jewelry, and I'll have the perfect ensemble for the post-game players party on Sunday. I'm so excited!!!

After the mall, I headed over to my aunt's house in Spring. My grandparents were in town, along with my Aunt Josie and her kids. So it was kind of like a mini-family reunion. We had dinner, played catch-up and watched the Grammy's. Then I finally went home, exhausted, and well...you know the rest of the story.
My lash extensions appointment got canceled yesterday cuz apparently a bunch of girls dropped out of the program. I was pretty disappointed but...oh well. She said she'd keep me in her appointment book for next time.
Well, it's back to work! Busy busy busy!!

Monday, February 1, 2010


Ever been woken up from a deep sleep, in the dead of night, to the sounds of someone violently banging on your front door??

Cuz I have! Last night I went to sleep around 10:45. I'd been sleeping for about an hour when it started. Jasper started barking of course, and I was startled into consciousness. Whoever it was, was banging incessantly, and ringing the doorbell in rapid succession. I looked at the clock. Midnight. Who the hell would be coming over at midnight?? I was afraid to go to the door and see who it was. They were still banging, hard! Then I heard the door knob rattle and turn, as someone tried to open the door. Alright now I was really scared. I was clutching Jasper's nose, holding his mouth shut so he wouldn't bark. For some reason, I didn't want them to hear me. I grabbed my phone and began to panic. My visitor was still trying to force the door open.
Who can I call?? I have...no one!
My first thought was Brandon, but I quickly talked myself out of that. As distraught as I was, there was nothing he could do, even if he was willing. Then I thought of my parents, but they're too far away.
Nick!! I suddenly thought, Not only does he live about a block away, but he's a police officer!!
I quickly dialed his number. The banging had temporarily subsided, but I was still shaking.
When he picked up the phone, I could tell he was out somewhere.
"Can you go someplace quiet, it's important!" I said.
"Yea, one sec." He said.
The line finally went silent.
"What's up?" He asked urgently.
"There is somebody banging on my door and trying to get into my apartment." I said, "I'm afraid to leave my room to go see who it is!"
"No, stay in your room. Call HPD."
"Just hang up the phone with me, and call HPD, they'll run a Code 1 and be out there really quick, I promise. Just tell them some one's trying to break into your apartment."
"Ok." I said. The banging had started again, and I heard a man's voice.
"Alright, call me back after you call them, ok?"
"Ok." I said, and I hung up the phone, trembling.

Then I dialed 9-1-1. I told the operator everything, and gave her my address and phone number. She said someone would be out right away. The guy was still banging on my door. In a rush, I jumped out bed and went to my underwear drawer. I began rummaging around under my bras. I was afraid to draw attention to myself by turning on the light.
Where is it!?!
Finally my hand closed around something cool and heavy. My handgun. I sighed with relief and made a mental note to move it to a spot closer to my bedside. Then I grabbed Jasper, got back in bed, pulled the covers up to my neck, and put the gun in my lap, and waited. The banging had stopped again, but now I heard sawing.
Omg omg omg, was all I could think. He's trying to saw his way through the door!

I didn't hear sirens, but I saw the blue lights flashing through my window. Nick was right, they were fast. A few minutes later, I heard someone knocking, not banging, at my door. I slipped the gun under my pillow and locked Jasper in the bathroom. Then I cautiously went to the door. I peeked through the blinds just to make sure it was really the police. It was.

Then I opened the door. Most of the conversation is fuzzy, but there were 4 or 5 officers, 2 of them were women. And there was the maintenance guy. THE FUCKING MAINTENANCE GUY! I was so livid. Why the fuck would he be banging on my door like a crazed psychopath at 12am on a Sunday night! I WAS SLEEPING! And he literally SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!! Not to mention, the cops treated me like I was just another dumb girl, calling the police because I heard a bird outside my window or something.
Apparently the people in the apartment below me had a leak, and he wanted to see if it was coming from under my kitchen sink. WHICH IT WASN'T! And when he asked if he could come up and check, I was like, "Seriously?? I have to get up at 5:30, can't this wait till the morning??" And one of the female cops said something really rude along the lines of, "Obviously it's important, it'll just take a second, and wouldn't you want your neighbors to do the same for you??" It was just the way she said it. Condescending. And of course she acted annoyed with me.
So alllll 6 of them came in! And I haven't exactly had a chance to clean during my 13 straight days of working. Ugh... So of course, the maintenance guy determined that the leak was NOT coming from my apartment. And then this guy cop says to me, in a rude, patronizing way,
"Ok well he can either turn of your water now, and figure out what the problem is, or you can wait till tomorrow and not have water to take a shower in the morning. But if you wanna take a shower tomorrow, he might have to come back in your apartment."
He spoke to me as if I was a child. I was too shaken up to defend myself.
"...Ok..." I said.
"Ok well you just call us again if you get scared." He said, sarcastically.
I wanted to slap the disdain and superiority off his face.
Hello?!?! I'm a single woman, who lives alone! I was dead asleep and it's midnight! How the fuck was I supposed to know it was the fucking maintenance guy!? It's not like I was expecting anyone!! And no one has ever banged on my door like that before. It literally sounded like he was trying to knock the door down! I mean, he banged on the door so hard, he scratched some of the paint off!!

As soon as I got back in bed, I called Nick. He had tried to call me a couple times, but I was too busy with the cops to answer. I told him what happened, and explained how rude the cops were.

"They shouldn't have done that. I mean, you live alone, and you're....they just shouldn't have done that." He said.

"Yea well...thanks for helping me out." I said.

"No problem. Call me if you need anything." He said.

Thank God for Nick. ((Sigh))

When I laid down, I stared up at my ceiling, and hugged Jasper close. Then I sobbed.
How easy it was for someone to rattle my cage, to make me feel unsafe. I have never felt so alone. So vulnerable.
I hardly slept a wink. I started at every single sound I heard. And my apartment faces the street, so there are a lot of sounds. ((Sigh))
Today when I get home, I'm heading straight to my apartment office and bitching somebody the fuck out.
How would you feel?? What would you do?? I mean, the maintenance guy apologized for scaring me, but I don't know what else to do. And that was completely uncalled for. I don't want anybody banging on my door at midnight unless the place is on fire! I have literally never been that scared in my life.