My mom has cancer, my dog was killed, I need a new job and yet, I have no idea what I wanna do.
It's like this vicious cycle of bad things happening, and I don't know how to stop any of them. It's like I'm being punished for something.
On top of all that, our employee holiday party is this Sunday, and I can't even drink cuz I'm on antibiotics for a bacterial infection. Ugh... I may not even go to the party. What's the point? I'm so tired of putting on a happy face and pretending like everything is ok. And I'm even more tired of people feigning concern for me. I don't want to talk about what happened, I don't want to answer anyone's questions just so their sick, sadistic curiosity can be satisfied. Maybe I'm being too harsh, but...it's hard enough for me to hold it together when people aren't bringing up how miserable I am.
And I can't stop worrying that I'm going to drive Brandon away. Am I being too needy? Too mopey? Is he getting tired of me?
He's the only thing in my life that's going right. And he is the only thing that's keeping me from going off the deep end. I can't afford to screw it up. Otherwise I will have lost almost everything.