Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Quote Of The Day

I know I haven't been doing a very good job with the Quotes of the Day. But I have a new idea! It's called...


Haha. So here's your Quote Of The Day...

"Hello, fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power! Good. Thank you. Thank you. If you vote me, I am hot! What? Taxes. They'll be lower...son. The democratic vote for me is the right thing to do, Philadelphia. So do."


Back Off

I don't even know where to start. I'm so fucking tired of this bullshit. ((sigh))

Yesterday, I got an email from Melissa. This is what it said...

"Hey, I'm writing bc I needed to let you know something that I think you should know. Not this past wkend, but the wkend before that I ran into Law School and we started talking (he was out with Mitchell) and then we talked on fb. I know you don't have feelings for him, but I just didn't want you to get upset and think I was trying to talk to him behind your back. I've been so busy with the new job and getting up so early and going to bed so early that it slipped my mind especially since he wasn't even in town this past wkend. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

I texted her back,

P: Hey I got your email. So you and Law School are talking?

M: Well not talking, but we've talked. How do you feel about him. I know that you had a thing for him and that yall kissed so I wanted to see how you felt about us.

P: About you and Law School???

M: Yes

M: I'm not going to do something to hurt you especially on purpose. I mean you've talked gone out with other guys, but u never told me how u guys stood.

P: I feel like if you dated him that would be really fucked up, and I can't deal with another one of those situations, and I'm not going to.

M: Ok

P: We are friends, obviously, but I still have some feelings for him, I'm just trying to suppress them I guess. I talked to him yesterday, we just haven't seen each other in a while cuz he's been out of town. And I feel really hurt, bc I kind of knew this would happen cuz it ALWAYS DOES.

P: I don't feel about him the way I do about Todd, but the situations are too similar. It's just...resurfacing all this shit I've been trying to deal with.

M: I understand and that's why I'm asking you I'm not arguing with you.

P: I know, I'm just telling you how I feel. And just like with Jayme, I'm not going to tell you to not date him. Do whatever you want.

M: And you really think I would date him knowing that you're this upset by it. I thought u liked Law School back then, but that nothing came out of it. You never mentioned yall dating or whatnot and u told me yall went to the Christmas thing as friends. I didn't think u liked him enough to compare this to ur situation with Todd who you've always cared for. I thought that when yall met since u were with Brandon, it was just an attraction. It's done now so it doesn't matter.

I didn't write back after that. I was too upset. How could she do this to me, NOW, of all times!?!?? After all the bullshit I just went through with Todd!? And she knew I liked Law School, and she knew I wouldn't like them dating, otherwise she never would have written me an email about it. Ugh....

I thought about it all day yesterday. I mean, what are the fucking chances? I swear, the next guy I date is never going to meet any of my girlfriends until I have a fucking ring on my finger.

So I wrote Melissa an email today. Here it is...

"A couple things I spent the last 24 hours thinking about that I just need to tell you...

1) How could you say, "I know you don't have feelings for him"? If you KNEW I didn't have feelings for him, then why would you think I would care?? Either way, you had to know how I would feel about this situation, not just bc of what happened with Todd and jayme, but because when I came up to [my bar] that day you called me to tell me that Law School was there, I told you I was upset that he was flirting with you. And it really hurt me to see that. And you said you weren't interested, and you loved Tim, etc etc... But I thought I made it pretty clear to you how I felt about it that night. Things with me and Law School never went anywhere, but my feelings for him have always been confused, and complicated. When I met him, true, I was with Brandon, and there was an obvious attraction, I just chose to ignore it, bc I was with someone. But then when we broke up, Law School was one of the first people I thought of. And when we kissed, that night, and we talked the next day, I thought, or hoped, that it might lead somewhere. But then he appeared to either get really weirded out, or really busy. And I didn't want to force the issue, cuz he's my friend. So I pushed it out of my mind, for a while. We did make plans to hang out, a few times over the past few weeks, but he would end up calling me too late, cuz he works all the time, and then we just didn't see each other for like a month. And I'm not about to go chasing another guy, making myself look all pathetic and desperate. And I figured, he's my friend, so it's not like we'll never talk or see each other again. So I just decided to wait it out, and hope that things between us went back to normal, and then who knows?

2) How could you say we went to that Christmas party as just friends?? The whole reason I invited him was because of what had happened between us, and I wanted to see where it would go. And I even told you that he kissed me on the cheek after the party, and said, "he didn't wanna get me sick" but that I still thought that was something, since he had never kissed me on the cheek before we made out. At that point, I
was totally into him, and I wanted something to develop. And HE had said to me, "What are you doing next week?" and then I invited him to the party. AS MY DATE. And everyone that was at the party knew that as well.

Either way, I feel like you had to know this would upset me, or you never would have brought it up to me this way. I seriously feel really hurt and upset. I mean, no this isn't exactly like the situation with Todd, but how could you say it's not comparable?? It's pretty much the same thing!
I am seriously in a place right now where I feel like I can't trust anyone, and I'm never going to bring a guy that I like around any of my girl friends again.

In MY rule book, you never kiss/date/talk to/WHATEVER any guy that one of your friends has previously kissed/dated/talked to. I would NEVER NEVER NEVER do that to one of my friends. If there is any gray area whatsoever, I just don't even go there. There's too much at risk. That's why I freaked out when I found out TB had slept with Alli. And at the time, Alli and I weren't even that close! I'm not accusing you of anything, or insinuating anything about you and Law School. I'm just trying to make it very clear how I feel about the situation.
And it's really coincidental that you told me about this the day after I talked to him. Bc I thought...I dunno. I guess it just doesn't matter.

And at the bottom of all of this is the fact that I'm feeling pretty shitty about myself right now. It's bad enough to get rejected over and over by guys you like just because THEY DON'T LIKE YOU. But then, to add insult to injury, they like your friend. They like your friend more than you, and they would rather be with your friend more than you. Can you imagine how you would feel if you were good friends with someone, and you had fun together, and hung out, and you liked him and hoped something would come out of it, but then you found out he was really interested in one of your friends?? Because if you can't, I can tell you it really sucks."

Ok, now before you guys get all Judgey McJudgerton on me, let me just say that, for me, Law School is one of those guys I will always be interested in, but will probably never act on, out of fear of rejection. You know, because he's my friend. Izzie thinks he's a total douche for making out with me, leading me on, and then deliberately trying to date one of my friends, which is a perspective I hadn't really considered. But...I dunno. Am I just being selfish??
I just don't understand how Melissa could have any doubts about how I would feel in this situation! I mean we were both there the night that she and Law School met, and I told her I was upset that he was flirting with her! She knew it bothered me, and assured me that she wasn't interested in him. And that wasn't really that long ago.

And as for my conversation with Law School on Sunday, I had texted him, to see if he was out. Because the previous Sunday, Taryn and I ran into him on Washington. And I thought maybe he and I could meet up. But he was actually at the airport. And then I mentioned, as an afterthought that I wished he would stop acting so weird and awkward around me, just cuz we kissed, because we shouldn't let that get in the way our friendship. And he said,

"Trust me, I haven't let that get in the way of anything. I'm not going to try and make excuses or anything like that, but I'm pretty sure that was the end of Dec, I was gone 2 weeks afterwards, then you were gone to some football games, and then I had a business trip, and then you went to the Superbowl, and I worked almost every day in March until I left for Colorado this week."

LS: I'm writing this as I'm in the car with my roommate.

Me: Dude...calm down! Lol. It just felt like you might be weirded out or something. And we're friends, so I have no problem telling you exactly what's on my mind. Sorry if that bothers you.

LS: It doesn't bother me at all...there's no hard or weird feelings at all. I know that I've been out of touch with you and and others lately.

Me: Ok well I just didn't want you to go to all that trouble to avoid me. ;)

LS: Haha...c'mon...well it's all good. I don't have any big plans coming up so we'll be able to go get a drink sometime soon.

Me: Ok well tell your roommate I said hi!

LS: Haha... Will do! Have fun at Brixx!

And that was that. So maybe he is just really busy. Who knows... But either way, I'm just so sick of this shit!!! Why does this always happen to me!?? Why can't I just find a guy who likes me?!? And why can't my "friends" just BACK OFF???!!


Friday, March 26, 2010

Caught Up In A Book

I know I haven't written in a while, but it's because I'm reading The Pillars of the Earth and I CANNOT put it down! It's so good!!

Anyways, I finally talked to Todd. Monday night I noticed on his FB page that he and Andrew are throwing their party this weekend, and my feelings were really hurt that he didn't invite me. But then again...I did tell him that I didn't wanna talk to him for a while, so I figured it was my own fault. And I decided to call him.
He answered the phone on the first ring. He was in the car with Andrew. We chatted for a bit, but I still felt kind of awkward. He did invite me to the party, but obviously, at such late notice there was no way I would be able to get off work at the bar. I wouldn't have gone anyways, it's just...still a little weird for me. Mostly I just feel discredited, and like he thinks I'm crazy or something. Melissa has told me so many things that Jayme has said about me, like that I told her I was going to "murder her in her sleep" for dating Todd, etc etc... So I'm sure she repeated those things to Todd, and I dunno... I just feel like when it comes to Jayme, Todd is completely deaf to everything I say. Our conversation was short, and unfulfilling, and I got off the phone with him still feeling sad, and empty about our relationship. He's going to be home for Easter though, so I'm hoping we can talk and hang out and maybe things can start getting back to normal.

I just got a text message from Brandon. What. Thefuck.

Oh. He just wanted to know if I'm working tonight because he has my Christmas present from Summer. Yea, that's how long it's been since Summer and I have hung out! I miss her. I can't wait till it gets warm again and we can start going out on Mark's boat on Sundays! I hope we do anyway. He has a "serious" girlfriend now, and I'm not sure how she will feel about all us girls coming along on their weekend expeditions to the lake. But we'll see...

There are a couple things I would like to mention about Brandon, since we're sort of on the subject. The last 2 weeks at work have been weird. Not as far as I'm concerned, because it's gotten to the point where I can really be nice to Brandon now. I'm not mad at him anymore, and I don't feel the need to be hostile or defensive. It's all faded away, finally. Which is nice. And I think because of that, he feels like he doesn't know how to act around me?? I'm not sure. But 2 people have said some strange things to me in the past couple of weeks.

1) Greg made a comment 2 weeks ago, while he and I were doing inventory. I was talking about saving the elephants (they are endangered and there are only enough of them left on the planet to fill 1/3 of a football stadium!!!) and Brandon said something negative, I can't even remember what. But he said it just for the sake of disagreeing with me, because that's what he always does. And I just said, "Well I think you are being negative, and I don't like it", in a jokingly haughty tone. And Greg said, "You two stop flirting so we can finish inventory!"
And I was so shocked, and taken aback by his comment that I was speechless! Literally. Speechless. So I continued calling bottles out to him without another word.
Then later that same night, I was telling Greg about how Nick, my creepy neighbor, was stalking me, and I laughingly pleaded him to come home with me and pretend to be my boyfriend. Brandon was standing nearby, but he wasn't part of our conversation, and I didn't even think he was listening, but he said something unintelligible to Greg, and then Greg said something unintelligible back, but I heard my name.

"What did you say??" I asked Greg.

"Oh, nothing! I'm not going to repeat it or I might get my ass kicked!" He said.

"WHAT?? Tell me what you said!" I protested, but he wouldn't.

Then, finally, when Brandon left the room, he told me that he said, "Well if you wanna go home with Peyton, I'll cover for you."

And I was like, "WHY would you say that???" But he just shook his head, shrugged and smiled.


2) One of our kind of new girls (not so new anymore, but still new to me), her name is Amelia, who I actually really like, made a comment last week, that Brandon still flirts with me all the time. And I argued that he doesn't, but she just smiled and raised her eyebrows at me, and insisted that he does.

But I don't know. I'm still sticking by my theory that he just doesn't know how to act around me anymore. But the idea that he might someday realize what he threw away, and beg me to take him back, is still somewhat thrilling. I know I don't want to be with him, and it would never work out between us, but there are still residual feelings there, lying dormant, deep inside of me somewhere. Because even now, my heart is still racing after seeing his name pop up unexpectedly on my phone. ((sigh))

I wish he didn't have that power over me. I don't even know why he does. It's just like, every time I see him, I'm so aware of him, it drives me crazy!

Anyways, I'm officially calling it quits with Tennis Shoes Dave. I'm just not attracted to him, and I just can't make myself be attracted to him. I'm tired of wasting my time with guys I'm not really that into. He's nice and all but...the chemistry's just not there. And I'm so busy, all I wanna do is have fun and be single when I have spare time.
Ali and I have been hanging out a lot lately, because she just got dumped, and she's been really depressed. So she's been calling me and texting me every day, and we went to the movies on Tuesday. Last Sunday, Taryn and I did a little bit of Sunday Funday. I miss that! Being able to go out all day Sundays, and have fun with my girlfriends. So now, me, Ali, Taryn, and technically Bethany (but not really, cuz she's been seeing Ben's cousin, unofficially) are all single!
Alli and I are gonna hang out this Sunday, so Taryn will probably come too.

And next Saturday, I got the night off! Jenna and I are supposed to hang out, and Todd's gonna be in town, but I haven't decided if I'm gonna invite him out with us yet. I'm sure Jenna will be against that.

But right now I feel like things are really looking up. This morning, me, Veronica and Dana (my officemates) had a meeting with the head honcho boss lady about our projects. We were all really nervous about it, cuz she asks a lot of hard hitting, randomb, obscure questions, that almost no one knows the answers to off the top of their head, but it went surprisingly well! And she thanked us, and told us we were really helpful. So things at work have been good.
And I am really, completely, actually and totally no strings attached. To anyone!

And I feel so carefree! Tonight is going to be a good night at work. I can tell, cuz I'm in such a good mood!

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Thanks, But No Thanks

So I ended up typing out a note, on my computer, in really large letters, and clipping it to my door.


Thanks, but no thanks.
I am seeing someone.
Please stop leaving me notes.

P.S. My name isn't Pam.

So I'm pretty sure he got the hint. I left the note there for 2 days, and I finally took it down this morning. And, I haven't gotten any more notes! YAYY!! So hopefully, that's the end of that, and he'll stop lurking around my courtyard.

Well I hope everyone had a fun and safe St. Patrick's Day. I, myself, stayed home and went to bed early. I'm just not really into St. Pat's. I mean, in the past, I always had to bartend, and put up with all the drunken idiots. And now that I don't have to bartend, I still can't do anything, since I have to get up early in the morning. Plus, me and Mary, and my 2 new officemates, Veronica and Dana, are going out for drinks after work today. So I figured 2 days in a row might not be a good idea.
So yesterday, I stayed home, watched a movie with Jasper, and worked on my new photography website. The designing part is finished, and looks awesome, I just need to add more photos to it.
And while I was laying in bed yesterday, I got a text from Law School, asking if I was out. I told him no, I wasn't feeling great so I stayed home. Which is true, cuz I woke up with a sore throat on Tuesday morning. I think I kicked that already though, with vitamins and Emergen-C packets. Thank God! But it has been a while since I've heard from Law School. He left a message on my Facebook yesterday too. Some stupid corny joke. Lol. I still have a birthday card for him from a month ago! Maybe I'll give him a call tonight and stop by and give it to him.

So I'm not sure if I mentioned before, that I moved into a new office, with Veronica and Dana. At first I really didn't wanna move, cuz I really liked sitting by Mary, and I was in a cubicle that had PRIVACY. Mary wasn't thrilled about me leaving either. Lol. But now I'm ok with it I guess. I mean, I share this office with Dana and Veronica, but we all face away from each other, and pretty much mind our own business. But I like that I have an actual desk with drawers! So I hung up some of my favorite Calvin and Hobbes comics, along with some photos. And now I can keep my books and purse in a drawer. So even though I don't get as much privacy, and I see my boss a lot more than I used to, it's not so bad being in here.

Dave and I were supposed to go motorcycle riding this weekend. But he was going to rent one, and there are no rentals left in Houston! :( He had a bike when he first moved here, but he sold it cuz he said it was so hot that summer, and now he regrets it. We've been having a lot of nice weather lately! So he said he's gonna get another bike soon. And I do think it's really awesome that he rides. I LOOOOOOVE riding motorcycles. That's the one thing I miss about Daniel. Haha. Last I heard though, he sold his Ducati, and got something else. LAME. But whatever. Dave and I can't go regardless. Maybe next weekend.

Things with all my friends are getting better. Bethany and I are good, Melissa and I are good, and Alyssa and I are the road to being good. We still haven't really hung out or had a chance to talk, but now that she's working back at the bar again, I see her more, so we get to goof off and chit chat during our shifts. She texted me asking me if I was doing anything last night too. Maybe she and I can get together this weekend since Dave and I can't go riding. She has a bridal shower coming up too. I better go check my calendar and find out when it is. I still need to get her something!

Dave just texted me that he is renting a bike for the weekend! Yay!! I wonder where he got it from?? I guess our plans are still on then. I hope he has helmets...

Monday, March 15, 2010

I'm Being Stalked By My Neighbor

Boy, has it been an interesting weekend... But before I get into this weekend, let me tell you about Wednesday night. Cecilia had to cancel on me for our plans to go to the rodeo. Her deadbeat ex husband told her he couldn't watch their daughter, and she wasn't able to find a sitter. So I invited her friend, Alex, to come. Alex and I were both bridesmaids in Cecilia's wedding, and since we're both 2 of Cecilia's closest friends, we know and like each other. She's tons of fun, actually. So anyways, I still had 2 extra tickets, and I'd posted something on Facebook about them, hoping someone would want them. So the day of the show, Boston texts me, asking if I still had an extra ticket. And without thinking, I told him he could come with us. That is, without thinking about the fact that Dave was gonna be there, and we were planning on meeting up at the Carnival. And Boston was so gung-ho about it, that I couldn't bear to tell him no.

Oh well, I thought, how bad could it possibly be?

So Alex met me at my place after work, and then we drove my car to the bar and parked. Boston picked us up at the bar, and drove us to the lightrail. One we got to the carnival, I met up with Dave. I was expecting to see him fully decked out in cowboy uniform, but strangely, he was wearing the same Nike tennis shoes that he always wears, every time I see him. Alex immediately started referring to him as, Tennis Shoes. Lol. I could tell Boston felt a little weird, cuz it was obvious that me meeting up with Dave was...more than just a casual friendship type thing. But what can ya do? So I left Boston in Alex's very capable hands, while Dave and I went to go ride the Tilt-A-Whirl, which turned out to be tons of fun! In retrospect, it's a good thing that I went with Alex instead of Cecilia, because she's so outgoing and fun, and she'll talk to anyone. She acted as if she'd known the guys her whole life, even though she'd just met them that night. So it was great, and we had a blast.

When it was time for us to head inside and take our seats for the show, we all walked in together. Dave came up with us to our seats, even though he was sitting a level above us, with his sister. We walked around for a bit, and then parted ways. Dave mentioned that he might come back down for a song or 2 later. So we grabbed some snacks and sat down. Boston actually left for a while to go say hi to some friends, but he came back towards the end of the show. Dave never ended up coming back down.
When the show ended, Boston asked if we wanted to go to the Rodeo bar for a bit, but I had to say no, since I needed to get up early the next day. And there's no such thing as going for "just one drink" when it comes to the rodeo. Better safe than sorry!
Boston looked really disappointed, so Alex and I told him to go ahead. It was about 10:45; we could just walk or get a cab back to the bar from the lightrail. He hesitated, but in the end, he went to the bar, and we headed to the lightrail.
Well the line to actually get on the lightrail was ridiculous!! We stood there for like 45 minutes in a huge, hot, crowd of people, and we were both dying of thirst, and aching feet. So by the time we got off the lightrail, it was already midnight. We didn't see any cabs around, and it was foggy as hell outside. So we started walking. Alex kept saying she was afraid of getting mugged, because of the recent spike in crime in the area. That was when we realized we had walked 4 blocks in the wrong direction. Ugh... I usually have a good sense of direction, but the lightrail completely threw me off. So we turned around and started walking back.

"I can't believe Boston just left us to fend for ourselves at midnight in the middle of midtown!" Alex said.

"I know! I'm texting him right now, 'I hate you. We are no longer friends'." I laughed.

A car full of shifty looking individuals stopped and offered us a ride, which obviously, we declined. Then, a strange man on a bicycle kept riding past us, back and forth, back and forth... By this time, Alex and I were both a little more than nervous. Finally, when we were about a block away from the car, we saw a cab, which we grabbed anyway, since our feet were hurting so bad. When we got to my bar, we went inside to get a couple bottles of watter for our parched lips, and there was Boston!! Already there, sitting at the bar, drinking a beer! Both of us were irate.

"Well LOOK who's here!" Alex said, drawing my attention to him.

"What the hell!?" I yelled at him.

"I got a ride, I thought you guys would have been back already!" He said defensively, with 'GUILTY' written all over his face.

"I texted you!" I said, "Do you realize how far we had to walk!? It's midnight, and it's foggy, and we were being followed by creepers in cars and on bicycles! You could have at least called to make sure we made it back!"

"I'm sorry! Don't be mad!" He said.

"Oh, I'm mad!" I said, and Alex and I stormed out.

And instantly, my Dave vs. Boston situation was solved. Not that there ever really was a situation. But it gets better...

The next morning, Boston texted me again, "You can't be mad at me."

"Yes I can. And I am." I wrote.

Boston: Why??

Me: You KNOW why! You left us at the rodeo, cuz you said you wanted to go to Happy Trails, or whatever the hell that bar is, but really you just wanted to hook up with those slores, and Alex and I ended up walking like 10 blocks through midtown in the middle of the night, in the fog!

Boston: I guess that wasn't very gentlemanly of me, but A) They weren't slores, they were friends, and they offered me a ride, and B) you went to the rodeo to meet up with another guy and C) it's called The Hideout, and you can't go to the rodeo without going to The Hideout!

Me: A) I didn't go to the rodeo "to meet up with another guy", I didn't even know he was going to be there until earlier that day, and B) WTF does that have to do with anything!!???

Boston: A) I guess it doesn't have to do with anything...

Me: Bottom line, you shouldn't have left us, but whatever. Now that I got that off my chest, I'm over it.

Boston: Ok.

So clearly, Boston was jealous. ((Sigh)) And apparently it's no secret around the bar that he likes me, either.

That night, Melissa and I went to see Avatar 3D. She had never seen it, and I really wanted to watch it again. Btw, I can't remember if I wrote about how Melissa and I talked and worked out everything about our argument. Did I?? If not, I'll fill you guys in. But anyways, she was 30 minutes late to the movie cuz she got lost! Ugh... And THEN I left my stupid phone in the movie theater and someone stole it! So I've been all weekend without a phone. Which has realllly sucked, but I should be getting my replacement in the mail today.

So now, let me get to this weekend...

On Friday when I got home from job #1, I had a Facebook message from Dave. He wanted to get together that afternoon, cuz he was going to San Antonio for the weekend. But obviously, I couldn't hang out since I had yet to go to job #2. So when I walked out my door to head to the door, I noticed I had a note clipped to my door.



I have wanted to get to know you since the first day I met you. I know this may seem weird, writing you a note instead of talking to you in person, but I didn't know how else to do it. I live in apartment __ and I would really like to take you out to dinner Sweety. I think that your beautiful and I would love to get to know you. My number is ____, please call me anytime.


First of all...who the f*ck is Pam!? It took me a minute to figure out WHO it was that had written this note, and initially I thought, This guy must have the wrong apartment! But then I realized who it was...
This guy that used to live in my courtyard, but he moved to a different apartment in the complex. I've said hi to him a few times while walking Jasper, cuz he used to always stand outside his apt and smoke. But this guy is like....30-35, and he lives with his father in a 2 bedroom apartment! Not to mention he thinks my name is PAM, he has absolutely NO GAME, he clearly can't spell for shit, he's obviously a chain smoker, and he isn't even remotely attractive! Ugh... I shoved the note in my purse and left for work.
I showed it to some of my coworkers while we were counting money at the end of the night, and we all had a good laugh about it. Unfortunately, I left that note sitting on the table.

The next day, I woke up around 1pm, and went to let the dog out. I had already put his leash on, and I opened the door and was still inside the door, grabbing my keys, when I noticed Nick standing out there, in his old spot, in front of his old apt, smoking.


I yanked Jasper back inside and quickly shut the door. Jasper wasn't happy about that, but I crouched down on the floor and peaked through the blinds. It was apparent that Nick had seen me open and close the door, as he was staring up in my direction. Dammit! I sat there in front of the window for a while, waiting for him to leave, but he wouldn't budge. So finally I just went back to my room. Thirty minutes later, I finally let the dog out.
I had 2 more photoshoots on Saturday, which went well! I did the shoot near some railroad tracks over by Ben's house. He and Summer actually drove by while we were out there, and I chatted with them for a bit. They were getting ready for a ski trip. Lucky...

Anyway, Saturday night as I was leaving for work, I found another note on my door. I didn't even open this one, I angrily shoved it into my purse again, and hurried out to my car, hoping Nick wasn't watching me from a window somewhere. When I got in the car, I opened it.


I know this is not a great way to ask someone out, but I just feel this is the way to ask you, for some reason. Feel free to text me about any thing. I would love to get to know you better, Sweety. [555-555-5555 Nick] Anytime. If u want me to leave u alone, let me know, either way please. I've wanted to get to know you since the first time I saw you. You are so beautiful and you seem to have a great personaility. Text me.



P.S. I'm not stopping until you talk to me"



And yes, he spelled personality wrong.
I'm definitely going to inform him how completely UNINTERESTED I am the next time I see him! I don't wanna call or text him, cuz I don't want him to have my number, and I haven't had a phone anyways. But omg...I have to look out the blinds before I leave my apartment now! ((Sigh))

I mean, I'm pretty sure he's harmless really. I don't want to get the apartment office involved or anything like that. I just want him to leave me alone! Jenna says I can go stay with her, now that she's all moved in. Lol. I also thought about convincing one of my guy friends to come over and act boyfriendly. But there's no way to guarantee Nick will see.

Anybody have any suggestions? Cuz I'm open to ALLLLL suggestions!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

What Gives

Wednesday night, while Cecilia and I were at the rodeo, Dave called. And of course I missed his call cuz I didn't hear my phone ringing. So with the ball being in my court, I called him back Thursday night. We chatted for about 40 minutes, he expressed his interest in getting together, and I invited him to hang out with Jenna and I on Sunday. When we got off the phone, I immediately called Jenna cuz she wanted all the details. Then while I was on the phone with her, he called me back!

"Hey, hold on. Dave's calling me again. I'll call you right back!" I said to Jenna.



"Hey Peyton. It's Dave."

"I know." I laughed.

"Ok well just making sure you remembered. It's been so long since we've talked!"

"Haha, yea I remember. What's up?"

"Well, I was just thinking...would you like to get lunch tomorrow? I mean, do you get to leave for lunch?" He asked.

"Umm...you do know I work all the way on the north side of town, right?"

He hesitated. "Uhhh no, I didn't know that... Well, that's ok, I'm not really doin' anything."

"Ok, well...I don't usually leave for lunch, but I'm sure it wouldn't be a problem. Let me just double check with my boss tomorrow morning and get back to you though, cuz I wouldn't want you to drive all the way out there and have to eat by yourself!"

"Sounds good!"

So it was agreed. First date with Dave.
The next morning, I asked my boss as soon as he came in, and he said that was fine. I ended up being late to lunch though, because we had a meeting that went a little long. So when I finally got to the restaurant, Dave was already seated at a table. In his jeans, tennis shoes and checkered button up shirt. Hehe. Such a country boy...

Lunch went well. There wasn't really any awkwardness. We just talked and ate. He is very smart. He went to Penn State, and got his master's degree in nutrition. And he knows TONS of random medical facts. But I think it's kinda cool. I like a guy who's educated! But as far as the chemistry, I'm still not sure. I mean I don't want to force anything, or rush anything. And I just don't want to decide anything yet. I wanna really get to know him first. Which is exactly what I told Jenna when she asked me how it went. I mean I like him. He's smart, and nice, and he seems to have a goofy side, although I haven't been able to see it yet. I can tell from his Facebook. Lol.

So on Sunday, Jenna, Dave and I all met at the zoo. It was a little too overcast to be outdoors, but all the animals were out and about, so it was actually a great day for the zoo! And it's been almost too long since I've been. I brought my camera, of course, and took tons of photos. Dave seemed a little quiet, perhaps introspective? I dunno, I mean Jenna tells me he claims to be shy, but I don't see that. I mean he doesn't have a problem talking to people, he just...doesn't say much.
And of course Jenna and I are cracking jokes and acting fools, making the bears talk, and pointing out how small the lions' balls are. Hahaha. They really were quite small, considering he was a lion. And later I told Jenna that I was concerned that perhaps I'm too...wild for Dave. I don't mean that in a crazy or sexual way. I just mean...I'm a very outgoing, spontaneous, silly, out there girl! And he seems so calm and reserved. But then Jenna pointed out that his best friend is JAMES. Lol. I met James the same night I met Dave and he is without a doubt, certifiably, off the reservation, crazy. So that's a good point.

As we were getting ready to leave the zoo, Dave suggested we go grab a bite to eat, but Jenna turned us down, cuz she'd already promised she would have dinner with her parents. So he asked if I was still interested, and I said sure. He picked a place nearby that he'd heard about. It was an Italian bistro type restaurant, with a wine list as long as the Bible. But it was reasonably priced, good food. And once again, we had a nice meal, with no awkward silences. Afterwards, he walked me out to my car.

"So, what do you think? Do you wanna continue to get together and hang out or...?"

"Yea." I said, "I mean I know I have a lot going on, working 2 jobs and all, so you'll just have to bear with me, but I have Sundays off!"

"Ok well I'll give you a call later on this week, and maybe we can set something up."

"Ok." I said.

"Well thanks for havin' dinner with me." He said, stepping in closer.

"Well thanks for dinner!" I said, as he hugged me and kissed my cheek.

"No problem. I'll talk to you soon."

And then I got in my car, and left!

The good thing about this er...relationship? is that I can go through the day without thinking about him, or wondering what he's doing, or Facebook stalking him. So there's no stress involved. Also I know that he's smart, and nice, and stable, and obviously into me, especially since he drove an hour just to take me to lunch. The bad thing? I'm not sure how I feel. I think usually at this point, when I really like a guy, I would be thinking about him constantly, wondering what he's doing and Facebook stalking him. But I mean...it's not like with Cali, where I almost dreaded going out with him, cuz the spark so clearly wasn't there. It's just...neither. I don't know. But I'm not about to turn a great guy loose just cuz I can't figure out what the hell is going on in my own head. I guess I'm just not ready for anything yet. So I'm just gonna continue to hang out with him, and hopefully I can draw him out of his shell a little bit. We'll see.

But here's an interesting, unrelated tidbit. There's this other guy, we'll call Boston. He works at the bar with me, as a door guy. He has a real job actually, a really good job. He just works at the bar for fun, and to meet people, cuz he moved here from (guess where!?) Boston, kinda recently.
So he's been working with me for a while, and I've always thought he was cool and funny, and that's it. BUT...I've known for some time now that he has a bit of a crush on me. And up until like...4 days ago, I never considered him an option. He's too short, and I'm just not really attracted to him. I mean he's definitely attractive, just not my type. But he's so funny! And goofy, and uninhibited! I mean, he sings and dances around the bar after hours acting like an ass, just to make people laugh. And it's not like he's doing it for attention. He doesn't do it in front of crowds. Lol. He actually hates being put on the spot, but he's hilarious! And I just love that about him. And I've found myself thinking about him randomly, and I dunno...it's almost starting to weird me out. Saturday night after work, I texted him "What are you doing?" because he left early, and I thought that was kinda weird.
Then he texted me back, "Waiting for you to come over to my house." Lol. And I totally knew he was kidding.
So I wrote, "HA!"
And then five minutes later, I wrote him again, "So...where do you live?" as a joke, but maybe that joke had a little truth in it??
Anyways, he didn't write back, I'm guessing he went to sleep. But the next day, when I was getting ready for the zoo, he texted me, "Where you being serious??"
And I just laughed to myself and didn't write back.
Then 2 hours later, another text from him that just said, "?"
And so I finally wrote, "I guess you'll never know!"
And he never responded.
But we had this moment on Saturday night, where he and I were goofing around and I got up in his face, really close, as a joke, but the sexual tension caught me off guard so much that I had to step back, like, WHOA. It was reallllllly weird. I mean our noses were practically touching, ya know? That close.
And after that I practically ran away from him, because all these things were running through my head, it was like I had to physically shake myself free of his influence.

Anyways, I know that's a lot of stuff to pile on about Boston, but it all just sorta crept up on me.
And this is the thing, with Boston, I'm pretty sure I would make out with him, just to see how it feels, but I'm not so sure I would date him. But with Dave, it's just the opposite. I don't feel impulsive like that with him, but I do wanna continue to see him.

So...what gives???

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Insider Info

My boss is out of the office today so I can listen to my iPod! Haha. So I'm rockin' Rude Boy by Rihanna at the moment. I'm sure my boss wouldn't care if I listened to my iPod, but I don't, just in case he sneaks up on me while I'm jammin' out. Lol.
Anyway, Jenna talked to Dave again yesterday, and she gave him my number, finally. So perhaps I'll be hearing from him soon. We'll see...
Tonight, Cecilia and I are going to see Dierks Bentley at the rodeo! I'm so excited! We're going again next week to see Rascal Flatts. I always have so much fun with Cecilia so I'm glad we're going to finally get to spend some time together.
So yesterday, I heard from 2 people (Ben and Taryn) in 2 totally separate conversations that Jayme is apparently telling everyone that Todd is obsessed with her, and smothering her, and she's so annoyed with him, etc... Ugh. How fucking typical. I mean, he gives his affections to someone who clearly doesn't deserve them, and then she just...throws them away! What I wouldn't do to be in her position... ((Sigh)) Whatever.
To Anonymous who commented on my last post, I didn't think your comment was mean at all. And I appreciate your perspective, because I hadn't thought about it that way, and I guess you're right. I kind of knew that in a way, because I know how crazy it sounds to say he chose her over me, it's just... I dunno. I'm still not ready to talk to him yet. Even if he and Jayme are already over.
I just hope that Jayme is honest with him, so that he doesn't continue to waste his time on her. Then maybe I could get my friend back.

Here's a little story I've gotta tell
'Bout this boy I know so well
Back in the day was cool and all
Fell in love, I fell in love
Thought he was the one for me
Other boys I could not see
And look what happened to our love
I'm like how could it be?

It should have been me and you
It could have been you and me
Boy you broke my heart and now I'm standing there
It should have been me and you
It could have been you and me
Now all I got are these photographs

All I've got, all I've got
All I've got are these photographs
All I've got, all I've got
Is nothing without you, you, you
Got nothing without you, you, you
Got nothing without you

Now baby it's killing me
I'm saying it's killing me
The fact that you ain't around
Baby I'm falling down
I need me a remedy
Been looking for remedies
I need you to be around
Baby I'm hurting now
I know you're a better man
When I was your girl
This land is a better land
When you're in my world
Today will be better babe
If it were like yesterday
So happy and lovely hey, hey, hey

All I've got, all I've got
All I've got are these photographs
All I've got, all I've got
Is nothing without you, you, you
Got nothing without you, you, you
Got nothing without you

All I've got are these photographs
I remember when I used to make you laugh
I don't wanna be stuck in the past
But you're all that I have that I had
And I don't wanna lose what we built this far
This is me and you, you're my superstar
I'd give anything, baby here's my heart
My heart, my heart…

Anybody else ever felt this way??

Quote Of The Day:

"Snail fiddling is not an occupation I'd be proud of. You dirty fucker."

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

No One

Why do I feel like Todd chose Jayme over me? I don't mean in a romantic sense, I just mean...it's like he chose to date her, rather than be friends with me. I know this sounds completely irrational, it's just...I can't help but feel that way! Ugh... He sent me a text the other night that said,

"Hey Peyton! I know you don't really want to speak right now, but just wanted to tell you how much I appreciated all the pictures and frames that you set up for me. I didn't expect anything and was really blown away. Thank you so much!"

((Sigh)) I wanted to write back and say something like..."It's not that I don't want to speak to you, I just need some time", but I just didn't respond. I just feel really hurt and trampled on. It's like he hardly knows this chick, but he's known me for 20+ years and instead of really taking my advice to heart, or even just considering it, he just completely disregards everything I say, and the way this whole situation makes me feel. I mean, what if they end up staying together?!? I will never be ok with that. Never. And I hate that he would rather spend all his time with her! I wanted to hang out with Todd while he was here, and now it's like I can't even talk to him! Part of me feels like Jayme manipulated this whole situation just to get me out of the way!!
ARRRRRRRRRRGH! I know how crazy this all sounds. Completely insane. Off the reservation. Batshit crazy. I know, I know. It's just...wtf is up with all my friends lately?? Why?? It's like just when I feel like I have someone I can really count on, they throw me under the bus. And what sucks the most is that at the end of the night, you know when you get in bed, and you kinda feel like crying, but really you just need somebody to talk to? I have no one.
No one.

Quote Of The Day:
"Stupid fucking cunty bollocks..... expialidocious."

Monday, March 1, 2010

Enter, Dave

A couple weeks ago, when Todd and I went out to dinner with my friends, he came over afterwards, and we looked through all my photos of his season. He picked out several that he wanted me to put on a CD for him, so that he could have prints made and hang them in his new place in Dallas. Well, since his birthday is next week, I went ahead and had the prints made for him. Then all the shit with Jayme went down, but I had already paid for the prints. And I still wanted to give them to him. So Saturday during the day, I went and picked them up and then I had them all framed. There were about 16 photos, and most of them were 8x10 or 8x12 so it came out to around $200 with the frames. ((Sigh)) But...the way I see it, Todd has done so much for me, and there's not really a whole lot I could give him that he couldn't get somewhere else. So I wanted to give him that. And I know how much it means to him.
So I headed over to my parents house afterwards and told them to give the pictures to Todd. They were heading out to his party, which I had been planning to go to, but decided against it. I told Todd I thought it was best if I just...took myself out of the picture for a while, because it's not like my feelings are something I can just switch on and off. And thinking about him and Jayme together just hurts.
So instead, I went and hung out with Jenna and her boyfriend. It was his birthday party, and Jenna really wanted me to go. Plus, she said she wanted me to meet this guy. I warned her that I wasn't interested in dating anyone, and I'm trying to get over my feelings for Todd, and I'm just...really not in the right place to be meeting guys.

"FINE! Just come, and meet him. No pressure. You don't have to marry the guy or anything!" She said.

I sighed, and reluctantly agreed. We met at one of our old hangouts from back in the day. My ex-fiance's brother still works there. He hates me. Awkward...

But Jenna and I had a really good time. I'm so glad she's moving back! She actually going to be staying with me next weekend. But we goofed off, and talked, and I didn't get drunk or anything. I'm trying to lay off the booze for a while after Thursday... So I just had one glass of apple cider, and that was it. And I met Dave. He lives next door to Jenna's parents, and coincidentally, he's friends with Jenna's boyfriend and all his friends too. Small world I guess.
Jenna kept making eyeballs, and dramatic gestures to the table behind us, to point him out to me. She was desperately waiting for an opportunity to introduce us. But Dave beat her to it when he came over and sat down next to me. It kind of surprised me actually, cuz he just sat down and started talking! He's a little bit older (early 30's. And I mean older as in, compared to guys I usually date), very attractive, calm, and nice. He has his own house, went to college, and he has a good job. He's actually a chiropractor and he's looking into starting his own practice. And he has a really warm smile. There's something about him just kind of puts a person at ease, ya know?
I didn't bother flirting with him, or putting my best face forward or any of that. I just talked to him, like a normal person. And I was totally myself. When Jenna and I went off on a Step Brothers quoting rant, I didn't hold back. Lol. So he pretty much saw me for me. And at the end of the night, when he didn't ask for my number, I didn't care! I mean, I kind of expected him to, but I wasn't bothered when he didn't. I had a good time with my cousin, and that's all that mattered.
But just as I was getting into bed that night, Jenna called. She wanted to tell me that Dave was mad at himself for not getting my number, but he was under the impression that I was going back to the hotel with everyone, so he thought he would have another opportunity. So Jenna told him she was going to be staying with me next weekend, and she asked him if he wanted her to arrange for us to all get together again, and he said yes. Lol. So now, Jenna and I are in the process of planning some kind of...group hang? I dunno, but we wanna do something fun, relaxing and you know, no pressure. Jenna suggested roller skating. And I'm down with that, I haven't gone roller skating in so long! Anybody else have any suggestions?

I wanna try a new approach with this guy. I mean, I don't even know if I like him, and I'm definitely not ready to jump into anything, but he's nice, and I definitely wanna see him again. And Jenna says he's the "settle down type of guy"; he's not into casual flings. Which is good, because honestly, I think I am a settle down type of girl. I just haven't found the right guy yet. And I'm going to take my time finding him. And I'm going to be myself and put myself first for once. You know, not put so much effort into making the guy happy in the relationship. And I'm not getting ahead of myself here, I'm not saying that DAVE is going to be my next boyfriend. I just decided that...when it happens, it happens, and I'm trying to learn from my mistakes.