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Friday, March 26, 2010

Caught Up In A Book

I know I haven't written in a while, but it's because I'm reading The Pillars of the Earth and I CANNOT put it down! It's so good!!

Anyways, I finally talked to Todd. Monday night I noticed on his FB page that he and Andrew are throwing their party this weekend, and my feelings were really hurt that he didn't invite me. But then again...I did tell him that I didn't wanna talk to him for a while, so I figured it was my own fault. And I decided to call him.
He answered the phone on the first ring. He was in the car with Andrew. We chatted for a bit, but I still felt kind of awkward. He did invite me to the party, but obviously, at such late notice there was no way I would be able to get off work at the bar. I wouldn't have gone anyways, it's just...still a little weird for me. Mostly I just feel discredited, and like he thinks I'm crazy or something. Melissa has told me so many things that Jayme has said about me, like that I told her I was going to "murder her in her sleep" for dating Todd, etc etc... So I'm sure she repeated those things to Todd, and I dunno... I just feel like when it comes to Jayme, Todd is completely deaf to everything I say. Our conversation was short, and unfulfilling, and I got off the phone with him still feeling sad, and empty about our relationship. He's going to be home for Easter though, so I'm hoping we can talk and hang out and maybe things can start getting back to normal.

I just got a text message from Brandon. What. Thefuck.

Oh. He just wanted to know if I'm working tonight because he has my Christmas present from Summer. Yea, that's how long it's been since Summer and I have hung out! I miss her. I can't wait till it gets warm again and we can start going out on Mark's boat on Sundays! I hope we do anyway. He has a "serious" girlfriend now, and I'm not sure how she will feel about all us girls coming along on their weekend expeditions to the lake. But we'll see...

There are a couple things I would like to mention about Brandon, since we're sort of on the subject. The last 2 weeks at work have been weird. Not as far as I'm concerned, because it's gotten to the point where I can really be nice to Brandon now. I'm not mad at him anymore, and I don't feel the need to be hostile or defensive. It's all faded away, finally. Which is nice. And I think because of that, he feels like he doesn't know how to act around me?? I'm not sure. But 2 people have said some strange things to me in the past couple of weeks.

1) Greg made a comment 2 weeks ago, while he and I were doing inventory. I was talking about saving the elephants (they are endangered and there are only enough of them left on the planet to fill 1/3 of a football stadium!!!) and Brandon said something negative, I can't even remember what. But he said it just for the sake of disagreeing with me, because that's what he always does. And I just said, "Well I think you are being negative, and I don't like it", in a jokingly haughty tone. And Greg said, "You two stop flirting so we can finish inventory!"
And I was so shocked, and taken aback by his comment that I was speechless! Literally. Speechless. So I continued calling bottles out to him without another word.
Then later that same night, I was telling Greg about how Nick, my creepy neighbor, was stalking me, and I laughingly pleaded him to come home with me and pretend to be my boyfriend. Brandon was standing nearby, but he wasn't part of our conversation, and I didn't even think he was listening, but he said something unintelligible to Greg, and then Greg said something unintelligible back, but I heard my name.

"What did you say??" I asked Greg.

"Oh, nothing! I'm not going to repeat it or I might get my ass kicked!" He said.

"WHAT?? Tell me what you said!" I protested, but he wouldn't.

Then, finally, when Brandon left the room, he told me that he said, "Well if you wanna go home with Peyton, I'll cover for you."

And I was like, "WHY would you say that???" But he just shook his head, shrugged and smiled.

????

2) One of our kind of new girls (not so new anymore, but still new to me), her name is Amelia, who I actually really like, made a comment last week, that Brandon still flirts with me all the time. And I argued that he doesn't, but she just smiled and raised her eyebrows at me, and insisted that he does.

But I don't know. I'm still sticking by my theory that he just doesn't know how to act around me anymore. But the idea that he might someday realize what he threw away, and beg me to take him back, is still somewhat thrilling. I know I don't want to be with him, and it would never work out between us, but there are still residual feelings there, lying dormant, deep inside of me somewhere. Because even now, my heart is still racing after seeing his name pop up unexpectedly on my phone. ((sigh))

I wish he didn't have that power over me. I don't even know why he does. It's just like, every time I see him, I'm so aware of him, it drives me crazy!

Anyways, I'm officially calling it quits with Tennis Shoes Dave. I'm just not attracted to him, and I just can't make myself be attracted to him. I'm tired of wasting my time with guys I'm not really that into. He's nice and all but...the chemistry's just not there. And I'm so busy, all I wanna do is have fun and be single when I have spare time.
Ali and I have been hanging out a lot lately, because she just got dumped, and she's been really depressed. So she's been calling me and texting me every day, and we went to the movies on Tuesday. Last Sunday, Taryn and I did a little bit of Sunday Funday. I miss that! Being able to go out all day Sundays, and have fun with my girlfriends. So now, me, Ali, Taryn, and technically Bethany (but not really, cuz she's been seeing Ben's cousin, unofficially) are all single!
Alli and I are gonna hang out this Sunday, so Taryn will probably come too.

And next Saturday, I got the night off! Jenna and I are supposed to hang out, and Todd's gonna be in town, but I haven't decided if I'm gonna invite him out with us yet. I'm sure Jenna will be against that.

But right now I feel like things are really looking up. This morning, me, Veronica and Dana (my officemates) had a meeting with the head honcho boss lady about our projects. We were all really nervous about it, cuz she asks a lot of hard hitting, randomb, obscure questions, that almost no one knows the answers to off the top of their head, but it went surprisingly well! And she thanked us, and told us we were really helpful. So things at work have been good.
And I am really, completely, actually and totally no strings attached. To anyone!

And I feel so carefree! Tonight is going to be a good night at work. I can tell, cuz I'm in such a good mood!

3 comments:

Valerie said...

Pillars of the Earth was awewsome - just finished it myself, enjoy!

Autumn said...

Glad to hear you are doing well :)

Anonymous said...

i just bought that book and can not wait to start reading it! don't spoil anything for me :)
~a*