The Wedding

Saturday morning, the alarm went off too soon.

"Were you crying last night?" Brandon asked when he noticed the mascara on my pillowcase.

"Yea." I admitted.

"Why?? Did I do something??" He sounded worried.

"No."

"Then...why were you crying?" Concern colored his voice.

"I was just...sad." I said, as I walked to the bathroom.

"About Oliver?" He asked.

I nodded.

"It'll be ok." He said, pulling me into a hug.

The wedding was held at a museum of sorts. It was pretty cool! I did Sophie's hair and makeup. She looked beautiful. This was a Renaissance themed wedding, so a lot of people came dressed up. Sophie's dress was stunning! It was purple and white, with floor length sleeves and a hoop skirt.

I put on my chemise and corset and put the finishing touches on my hair and makeup. Before we knew it, it was time for the ceremony to start.

Everything went great. They recited their own vows, which were touching. The ceremony and reception were both in the same place. The museum had one big open room, with wood floors and lots of light-up artwork on the walls. Downstairs, underneath the big hall were restrooms and a small kitchen, which was where we all got ready. Some of Sophie and Brent's friends played guitar and sang during the reception, and we all danced and took lots of pictures. It was so much fun! And I was able to keep all my dark thoughts at bay for the entire wedding. Brandon and I danced, and hung out and had a really good time.

Afterwards, my parents dropped us off back at the hotel to rest. Everyone had had a long day and we were all ready for a break. Brandon and I stripped to our underwear and got into bed. He put his arm around me and I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Thanks for coming with me." I said.

"No problem babe. It was fun." He said, kissing my forehead.

"Brandon?" I looked up into his eyes.

"Yes?" He said with a curious grin on his face.

"I love you."

I had to say it. It was about to explode out of me if I didn't. I mean, I'd never felt it so strongly before, and had to hold it in. I just had to say it!

"You do??" He said, genuinely surprised, "What makes you assume that?"

"It's not an assumption. I just do."

"Oh. Well that's good to hear. I guess I must be doing something right!" He grinned at me and squeezed me tighter.

It wasn't an 'I love you too', which would have been nice but... He'll say it when he's ready I guess.

I laid my head back on his shoulder and went to sleep.

Exciting Weekend Ahead

I still haven't heard from Brandon. ((Sigh)) So I guess that's it then. One kiss. What gives??
I'm soooo excited about Dallas this weekend! Todd and I have been texting back and forth all day. He told me the story about he and his now ex-girlfriend. Apparently she went nuts and cussed him out and said a bunch of horrible things. He said that right then, he knew it was over. I mean, for real, Todd is the sweetest, most thoughtful and considerate person I've ever met. I don't think I could ever yell at him! Hmmm... But I'm not sure how to go about things with him. I mean we've been friends since we were kids, and I would never wanna wreck that. Plus, to him, and maybe to most people, I'm kind of...all over the place with guys! I mean, it's been almost 2 years since I've had a real relationship. And he's always been the serious relationship type. And believe me, if I could find someone willing to do some hard time with me then maybe I wouldn't still be single! Lol.
OMG Oliver is being SOOOO bad right now! He's acting like a petulant child just because I'm on the computer right now instead of playing with him. He just peed on my floor just to get my attention!!!! I mean I literally just came inside from taking him out to go to the bathroom. And he definitely went potty outside. Ugh. I am so pissed right now!! ((sigh))
Ok, deep breaths. He's in his kennel now in the dark with the door closed. Anyway, I got my hair done today! It has light blue streaks underneath. And it looks awesome! I'm actually going back tomorrow to get some more. I used to have purple hair, did I ever mention that?
Well...I guess that's all for now. OH! I finally have a set date with TDH. We're having lunch tomorrow afternoon. :)

Waiting It Out

Brandon and I hung out Wednesday and Thursday night. Thursday, after we went out, we went to IHOP with Bethany and Brandon's roommate, because they had ridden together. Afterwards, he told his roommate to wait while he walked me to my car. I was so sure he was going to kiss me, but it was like he wouldn't come closer to me than 3 feet! And then his stupid roommate pulled around the corner and started honking his horn. ((sigh)) So no kiss. But he did call me when he got home, and we ended up talking on the phone till almost 7am Friday morning!
So Friday night, I had to work, obviously, and Brandon went out with his sister. After work, a couple people were hangin' out, drinking beer, and Brandon calls me. He's at his sister's apartment with Jayme and his roommate and he wants me to come over.
Well, I was sitting at a table outside with John, Mark and Blinn, and they were all talking about going over to Blinn's for drinks and poker. So I was really torn. Brandon? Or John?
AH!
So I told Brandon I was gonna chill for a minute, and finish my beer, and then give him a call in a little bit. So we all walked out to the parking lot after a while, and John asks me if I'm ready for that motorcycle ride.
"Well that depends," I said, "Is is a one way ticket? Are you gonna drive me back here to my car?"
"I can." He said, "Or we can just take a ride around the block and then I can bring you back over here if you want."
"Well if you just wanna get this over with, then sure!" I said teasingly.
"Ok, some other time then." He grinned.
So I walked to my car, and he got on his bike, and we all headed over to Blinn's.
We hung out and drank, smoked a little...the usual. But I couldn't stop thinking about Brandon. ((Sigh)) AND John. John was acting very....elusive. Confusing. He's just so hard to read. And it drives me crazy! I mean, I don't wanna wait around for some guy who's possibly not sure how he feels about me! And even if he is sure of his feelings for me, the least he could do is act on them in some way, shape or form! And not just when he's drunk.
So I decided to duck out early. I called Brandon and asked him if he still wanted to hang out. But he said that everyone had already left, and he was just gonna crash on his sister's couch. So I figured, what the hell! And I invited him over.
When we got to my apartment, he immediately started playing with Oliver. And Oliver loves him! It's so cute how Brandon talks to him. Lol. I swear, it was like I was competing for his attention. Haha. By the time we went to bed, the sun was up, and still no kiss. Not even a suggestive touch! ((huff!)) I was starting to second guess myself!
We laid there and talked for a while, and I was teasing him about being stand-offish. And he said something along the lines of, "I just don't want you to get the wrong impression of me. I like to take my time with people. Not just get in, bang bang! get out. I mean I used to do that, but I'm not like that anymore and I just....don't want you to see me that way. I dunno...I guess I'm just rambling."
We passed out soon afterwards and I woke up this morning not even remembering having made the decision to go to sleep. In fact, the whole time we were talking, all I kept thinking about was how I was just gonna kiss him and get it over with! Break the ice! Ya know? Because I really wanted to! But I never plucked up the courage. Oh well...
So we got up around 2pm, lol, and I made corndogs and we watched Seinfeld. Then I walked him out to his car, because my mom was on her way over. STILL no kiss.

Well my mom and I had plans to go to this wig shop by my house. We got there about 30 minutes before they closed, and she tried on several different wigs. It was really interesting to see her with all these hip hairstyles! Lol, it almost made me wanna try one on!
So I spent the afternoon with my mom; we went the bookstore, and out to dinner after the wig shopping. And almost the entire time, Brandon was texting me.
First I asked him what he wanted me to think of him. You know since he doesn't want me to think he's a manwhore, or a player, but he won't kiss me either! It's like he thinks I'm the plague! Lol.
His response?
"I don't know, but I like to take my time with people. But for your information, I like you and want to see you again."
Me: That's cool, I like to take my time too. Well, I try, but I'm just kind of impatient by nature."
B: Well, you don't always have to be the one that makes all the moves you know. But I'm not going to keep doing this if that is what you think.
Me: Oh really?? Well then what ARE you going to do?
B: I don't know, but I want to see you again. And I left my watch over there, so I guess that means I HAVE to see you again!
B: Maybe I can stay with you tonight??
Me: Sure

That's pretty much the gyst of it. He didn't end up staying tonight though, obviously. I mean it's Saturday and we do inventory and we didn't get out of there till late. I talked to him around 3:30am and he was already in bed. Apparently he has to take some clients out golfing at 9am. Lol. But he told me he's gonna call me when he's done and then we're gonna hang out.
Sunday's are my friend days though. So he's just gonna have to put up with me AND Bethany, cuz we always do Sunday Fundays together.
But we'll just have to wait and see how tomorrow pans out. Maybe one of these days I'll get a kiss.
Before I move on to the next part of this post, let me just describe Brandon to you. He's not as tall as I would like, but he has the most beautiful smile! Big, beautiful, perfectly straight white teeth. ((sigh)) And his hair is kinda long, shaggy and glossy dark brown, almost black. He looks really Native American. He says he's Cherokee. He has the nice olive skin, and high cheekbones too. But he has a very boyish look about him that I like. Anyways, that's pretty much it I suppose. So, moving on!

Melissa and I are taking a road trip to Dallas to go see Todd's football game next weekend! I'm so excited! We haven't really gotten to hang out in a while, plus it's been forever since I've driven anywhere besides Austin. And I've yet to see one of Todd's games!
Oh, and guess what else? Todd and his girlfriend broke up!!!!!!

Feeling Accomplished

Today was nice. I got all my shopping done, and got a pedicure. No massage though. I forgot I had to sign Oliver up for puppy school, so I figured I'd try and save some cash. I also nipped into the groomer's so I could get his ears trimmed and his toenails filed. So we had a big day! Oh, and I just bought a new toy on bootyparlor.com! ;)
Now I'm just sitting on my couch in my underwear watching shows on my DVR.

WHO WATCHED HEROES LAST NIGHT!?! It was awesome!

So the guy I was telling you guys about, The Good Guy, he didn't call me today! Wth?? I mean, he's a good guy. Aren't they always supposed to call?? Well, regardless, I've decided I'm just not that into him. I was just trying to play it safe ya know? Because chances are, with him, I wouldn't get hurt, since I'm not that into him. But that isn't fair. So I'm just...not gonna call him. ((sigh))
When did it become so hard to find someone that you can relate to, connect with and...actually be attracted to! WHERE ARE ALL THESE GUYS?!! Grrr...
Well, I guess I don't really have that much to write about today. My mom has a doctor's appointment on Thursday at MD Anderson and I'm gonna go with her. She really needs my support, and as worried as I am about her, I just can't let it show. I have to be strong for her. It's hard though. Harder than you could ever imagine!
Well, anyway, it's back to Seinfeld now.

Ike's Aftermath

I dropped Rusty off at a friend's house and then headed back to my apartment.
Still no power.
I called Bethany and she said I could crash with her. So I went straight there with all my things and Oliver. I've been here ever since. Rusty sent me a couple text messages, but we haven't spoken at all. In fact, my phone gets terrible reception in Bethany's house, so I haven't really been getting any phone calls.
The first couple days here were fun. I actually like living with Bethany and Tugg! But our bar still had no power, so none of us were able to work, and I was pretty low on cash. The lines for gas have been so long, they wrap around corners, grocery stores have no power, and therefore nothing cold. All the street lights are out so traffic is always bad. ((sigh)) Everything around here just sucks.
My parents told me today that they might not even get power back for a month! I was getting pretty depressed too before midtown finally got power back last night! I was actually able to work. I mean, think about it. You have no money, no place to live, and no job. And I hate mooching off people. And I know I'm welcome here for as long as I need to stay, but I still feel bad. Like, I'm taking advantage, ya know? It's not a good feeling. But I made 250 bucks last night, so things are already looking up.
We really do need all your prayers though! Things down here are absolutely horrible. Schools are shut down, people can't go to work, a lot of people don't even have water! And there's no telling how long this will all last, but it seems like a while.
Oliver has his first doctor's appointment tomorrow. Well, first appointment since I've had him. So that should be interesting. ((sigh)) Anyways, I gotta go get ready for work! We have this new girl, and she's absolutely awful. Not to mention she's a smartass bitch, and nobody likes her. Lol. I almost hope she's working tonight, just so that I'll have someone to take my frustration out on. Hahaha!

Group Hang

Well this past Friday we went out for Melissa's birthday. And we went to one of the newer bars on the Washington Strip. I had only been there once, and I remembered it being kind of a hole in the wall, and not very busy. But this time, it was packed! Bethany came too, and it ended up just being me, Melissa, Tim, Bethany and Evan. But we had so much fun! And I even met a cute bartender, and I gave him my phone number.
So on Sunday, before the whole Rusty thing, The Bartender texted me! We chatted a little bit, but I was at work, so we couldn't talk for long.
Then today, Jenna and I had plans to hang out at a local icehouse when she got off work. So I texted The Bartender and asked him to join us, before I hopped in the shower.
I left my phone sitting on the bathroom counter, and I heard him text a response while I was washing my hair. I smiled to myself as I hurried through the rest of my shower. I immediately checked my messages when I got out.
Except it wasn't from The Bartender.
It was Rusty.
"U hate me now?"
Ugh... I didn't respond. About 5 minutes later, The Bartender wrote back saying he'd meet us there.
So when Jenna got off work, we headed over to the icehouse. I brought Oliver with me, and Evan met up with us too. We played the touch screen trivia game, and had a few beers before The Bartender showed up.
It was hard for me to really decide what I thought of him. I mean, all of us bartenders act differently when we're not at work. Jenna didn't like him. She says he thinks he's hot shit. Lol. But to be honest, there weren't really any sparks between us. I mean, he's a nice guy and all but just...not that interesting.
Oh well, at least I hung out with a guy. A guy that wasn't Rusty.
Speaking of Rusty, he sent me another text when I got home.
"Just heard your myspace says you're done? I didn't even do anything wrong."
Fuckin' classic. I put that as my myspace status last night.
Peyton is DONE.
Mood: used.
I doubt he heard that either. He probably just saw it. And yea, maybe he didn't do anything wrong, but he sure as hell didn't do anything right!! I didn't respond to that one either.

The Early Worm Gets The Worm

Omg. I woke up at 6:30 this morning to the sound of very loud hammering in the apartment directly above me. The maintenance guys are replacing the carpet. Ugh.
At first, I was so groggy with sleep that I just assumed it was my neighbor. So I got out of bed and grabbed one of my wooden wedges and started banging on the ceiling. Oliver was looking at me like I was crazy. Lol. Then I giggled and laid back down, but the hammering didn't stop, and could not sleep. I'm so pissed. I went to bed at 3am!! That's only 3.5 hours of sleep!!
So I got up and took Oliver out for a peepee walk. But for some reason, as soon as I get him out on the leash, all he wants to do is play! And he won't go to the bathroom!! I'm having trouble getting him to go on the pee pad too. He keeps having little accidents all over the place. It's like I'm perpetually following him around with a roll of paper towels and a spray bottle. Lol. Well, as soon as he's old enough to get his second round of shots, I'm gonna enroll him in a puppy training class.
He's absolutely adorable though! He follows me around everywhere, he likes to play, and chase me, and he's SOOO cute when he sleeps! He's like a ragdoll; he just falls asleep wherever I put him, however I put him. Lol.
Anyways!! So I hung out with Rusty the other night. I met him at the bar where he had his gig, but he was already done playing. So he bought me a drink, and introduced me to a couple of his friends. By the time I had gotten down there though, it was already 1:30am, so he asked if I wanted to come over and watch a movie. I hesitated before answering, and he assured me that his roommate and a couple of his friends would be over too, so no pressure. Lol.
So I went. When we first got there, it was just the 2 of us. So we sat down on the couch and he put on a movie. But we didn't really watch the movie, because I was too distracted with his half-Dalmatian puppy, and he just kept talking! I mean he talked so much I was almost shocked! He just never struck me as the chatty type. And I was starting to get really sleepy so my attention kinda kept wandering while he was talking. Rude, I know, but you know how when you're on the phone, and the TV is on, and you're sort of just staring at the TV and not listening to your phone conversation, but you're not actually watching the TV, you're just...spaced out?? Well, that kept happening to me, and then I was suddenly aware that he was silent.
"What?" I asked quickly, trying to cover my faux-pas.
"Would it be ok if I kissed you?" He asked again.
I was so caught off-guard, I probably stared at him with my mouth hanging open for a good 5 seconds. Then I started giggling.
"I can't believe you're actually asking me that!"
"Why not?" I could tell he was trying to gauge whether or not he should be embarrassed.
"I dunno...just...because people don't usually ask that kind of thing. Especially not on the first date. I mean, what if I say no??"
"Are you saying no?"
"I haven't said anything."
Then he leaned in, and kissed me! Tentatively, and gently, just his lips on mine for a few seconds. I was having so many mixed feelings. I mean, for one, I hardly know this guy! And I'm not sure yet if I wanna get involved with him. I mean...my conscience is telling me it's probably a bad idea. He's in a band, he has a track record of being a player, he didn't even finish high school! But another part of me is very intrigued. And he seems so different than what I thought. He's really...unguarded. And sweet. And it was so obvious how much he was genuinely into me, and he wasn't afraid to let that show. ((sigh)) So I kissed him back, but I was careful not to give anything away.
Then I was kind of distracted with my thoughts for the rest of the night. We kissed some more, then his roommate came home, and we smoked. It was pouring down rain by this time, and now I was not only sleepy, but high. Rusty told me I was welcome to stay the night, but I said no, I really needed to get home, I had a lot of stuff to do tomorrow...etc.
But I ended up staying anyway. It was a little awkward, I mean I was fully clothed, freezing, and not very comfortable, and he kept wanting to cuddle! And it was just kind of...weird. Because like I said, I hardly know him, and it's not like we're boyfriend-girlfriend, so I felt weird laying in his bed with his arm around me. I've never been good with PDA unless I've been with the guy for a while, or unless I'm madly in love with him. So it felt a little awkward. But I was so tired, that I didn't even care. I fell asleep almost immediately.
The next morning, my alarm went off and I got up to leave. He got up and kissed me again, with more abandon this time. Then he walked me to my car, and asked me when I was coming back. I said I didn't know, and I don't.
He's been texting me frequently ever since. He wanted me to hang out with him again last night, but I stayed home with Oliver.
So now he is actively pursuing me. Bethany thinks I should stay away from him because he used to date one of our old coworkers, and he cheated on her. But in his defense, that was a couple years ago, and he's not the only person that's cheated. ((sigh))
So I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just need to get to know him better. But I do know in the back of my head, that there is no real future for Rusty and I. So why wasted my time?? Because I have nothing else going on? Because I think he's hot, and I'm strangely drawn to him? While neither of those reasons would stand in court, I still might not be able to help myself.

Love At First Sight!

Party Scars

My plane landed at 10:30 am Sunday, which gave me exactly 30 minutes to get to my work, and catch the bus to the lake.
But I got there in plenty of time, changed, slathered on some tanning lotion, and bought myself an energy drink. Bethany and Tug pulled into the parking lot at the same time as me. Bethany and I smoked a bowl and then hopped on the bus.
Just as I had predicted, we didn't leave on time because we were waiting on Valerie. As usual. She is perpetually late to everything. Well we ended up leaving without her, and she just met us at the dock on the lake.
The boat was awesome! It was 2 stories high, with a slide, lots of food, and lots of liquor! I partied so hard, I can't even begin to tell you... Lol.
I brought my camera, and took tons of pictures. We anchored, and all took turns jumping and diving off the top of the boat. It was so much fun! John was there too, and surprisingly, it actually wasn't awkward between us. But that may have just been because we were both... Well we were both partying. I somehow got this huge bruise on my leg, and I have no idea how it happened, but this morning, I woke up and my entire body was hurting! I took 6 Advil (6 Advil=muscle relaxer) and I'm still in pain! But check out this bruise!

That's the outside of my thigh!

Anyways, apparently there's this new girl who just started, and she' only 19. And for some reason, she came to the party. (!?!?!?) And we'd been on the lake for oh...I dunno, an hour? And she was already puking over the side of the boat. And one of our newer bartenders had to sit and take care of her. Now everyone dislikes her. Mainly because
1) She's too young and shouldn't have come in the first place.
2) Even before she got drunk, she was just trying wayyyyyy too hard to fit in. Laughing at peoples' conversations that she wasn't even included in, trying to be funny, and cute, but just actually coming off as really desperate. Know what I mean?? And
3) She got completely wasted, and made a total fool of herself around a bunch of people she doesn't know, including her bosses!!!

I mean, we do all party together, and drink heavily at times, but we're all friends! We know each other! When I first got hired, I would have been so embarrassed to get that drunk in front of my coworkers and managers. She's only been working there 3 days! She hasn't even finished training yet! WTF!? So needless to say, everyone was really annoyed with her by the end of the day. I mean, she couldn't even be left alone!

Well, after the boat, we all went to Front Porch Pub, drank beer and ate junkfood. Lol. Of course, Mr. P. paid for everything! He ordered like 10 baskets of boneless wings and 5 buckets of Bud Light Lime. He does stuff like that when he goes into party mode. Lol.

After that, a smaller group of us went to the strip club. Lol. It was Cameryn's idea, but she had me convinced when she mentioned that they had a swimming pool! Lol. So it was me, Cameryn, Blinn, Jake the Door Guy, Valerie, Bethany, Tug, John, DJ, Mr. P., Polly (waitress/bartender), and Polly's bf. Valerie was so wasted, that nobody even wanted to be around her! She kept trying to make out with Blinn, and he kept trying to get away from her. Lol. It's pretty funny now in retrospect. So when we decided to leave, Blinn jumped at the chance to get out of there, so he could escape Valerie. Lol.

I vaguely recall John saying something to me about how I frustrated him because I told him before that he needed to be more forward, but then when he was, I wasn't into it. I tried to tell him that I just don't like the way he acts when he's drunk. Then he said that he wasn't drunk the night he asked to spend the night, but I wasn't into him then either. Then I said it was because he just sprung that on me! Anyways, our conversation didn't get past that because Cameryn was ready to leave, and I had ridden with her. But at least we both got to finally speak our thoughts on the whole situation. And at least there are no hard feelings between us now. At least, I don't think there are...

Anyways...I'm starting to feel a little better now. Perhaps those Advil are finally kicking in.

Oliver is getting here on Wednesday at 4 o'clock! I can't wait!!!

Oh, and I'm supposed to have that date tonight with JD. I'll be sure to let you guys know how it goes.

The Tank Is Almost on 'E'

Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I'm on the first flight to New Orleans. It's my grandparents' 50th Wedding Anniversary and the entire immediate family is going to NOLA for the weekend for a mini family reunion. Then Sunday morning, bright and early, I'm on the first flight back to Houston because we're having our summer staff outing. I can't remember if I mentioned this before, but Tuaca is hosting the party; we've got a double-decker boat on the lake, with a slide, caterers, and free alcohol all day! It's gonna be so much fun!! Everyone at work is really pumped about it.
Things in the boy department have been kinda slow. My guy from Austin, J, did text me again on Monday. He was at the airport and wanted my myspace info so we could still talk while he's in Germany, since obviously he won't be able to use his phone. I'm still being very cautious about everything though, and I'm not letting myself get my hopes up.
Rusty texted me this past Sunday as well, and wanted me to go see his show. Our conversation went something like this:
Rusty: Hey, what are you doing?
Me: I just got home from a movie. What's up?
Rusty: I'm playing a show tonight, you should come.
Me: Oh really? Where at?
Rusty: It's called _______, it's in Clear Lake.
Me: Yea I know where that is, but that's kind of a long drive...
Rusty: Where are you coming from, midtown?
Me: About 5 minutes from there
Rusty: That's only like 30 minutes
Me: True, but still a long drive
Rusty: But it'll be worth it
Me: Well, if you really wanna see me, you're just gonna have to call me one of these days ;)
Rusty: I will too

And that was that. I haven't heard from him since. I haven't heard from The Psycho either. Which is not only surprising, but a relief!

Oh! The Model is in town. And I'm doing a really good job of not thinking about him! In fact, I almost forgot to write about him! I saw him and Mitchell last Friday at my bar, of course. I gave them a round of shots and served their drinks. But they didn't even say goodbye to me, and I haven't seen or heard from them since then. And I'm very proud to say I'm not hurt, or upset, or really anything! Maybe I'm finally getting over The Model. I mean, I can't hope for too much, but that sure would be nice.

My Mom went to her doctor's appointment last week, and they found out that the lump in her breast is not a cyst. Cysts are often mistaken as cancer, so that would be the most obvious thing it could be. But since it's not that, it's either a fibroid, or cancer. And usually only old people get fibroids. ((sigh)) She has a mammogram next week, and possibly a biopsy. So I'm praying for her, and trying as hard as I can to be nice and supportive and all that. It's just that the relationship between my mother and I is complicated. I mean we get along for the most part, and of course I love my mom, but I can only stand her in small doses! It's like she is the only person who has the power to get under my skin in 5 minutes flat. And she thinks I've been stressed out lately, but really, I only get that way around her! We got into a fight last week about my dog. Obviously, she doesn't want me to get one. But I don't think I can stand the silence of this apartment for very much longer. And lucky me, because Oliver will be here next week!! NEXT WEEK!!! (Don't worry, I'll post lots of pix!)
Anyways, it's like Jenna said, parents always think they can tell you what to do, and that you have to listen, no matter how old you are. But I'm living alone now, and supporting myself, and I don't have to answer to anyone! What is so hard to understand about that?! This really is the last thing I should be thinking about right now. ((huff))
Moving on...
Alyssa and I sort of got into it the other day. On Monday, she came over to see my apartment, finally, and then I went with her to campus to take care of some school stuff. We hadn't hung out in a while, and I had talked to her about how I was feeling. And she agreed that she needed to be more present and make more of an effort in our friendship. Hence, hanging out on Monday. So anyways, we were having fun, talking and catching up, etc. Well, at some point, the conversation came to cheating boyfriends. And I was telling her about the different guys I've dated who have cheated on me. And of course, Daniel's name came up, in passing. Since, he did cheat on me! And Alyssa scoffs, "You and Daniel were only together for like a second! You weren't even like...boyfriend/girlfriend!"
"Yes we were!" I argued.
"Well, that's not what he said." She retorted.
I was about to say something back, but her phone rang, and she answered it. So instead, I was just sitting there thinking about how rude that was, and how pissed off I was.
I mean, who says that?! Even if it wasn't her brother we were talking about, you just don't say something like that to your friend! It's insensitive!
I decided to let it go, for the time being, but I found myself thinking about it again later, and I decided to text her.
"Do you really believe what Daniel said? I mean do you really believe we weren't together?"
She didn't respond, and I kind of forgot about it. That same night, I decided to drive to the North Side to stay with my Aunt and cousins for a couple days. I had 2 nights off, and I just wanted to get away. And I love hanging out with my cousins. They're so carefree and fun-loving. I went to work with my Aunt on Tuesday morning, and got a text back from Alyssa then.
"Peyton, don't be that girl."
"What girl? What are you talking about?"
"Don't sulk over Daniel. Don't be that girl who's all sad about it because it didn't work out." She said.
"I'm not sulking. Really. This isn't even about Daniel. I just feel like you're blowing the whole thing off like it's nothing. And it definitely was something. I mean I was with him 24/7, I practically lived at his apt! And he really, really hurt me. So it may seem like nothing to you, but it was definitely something to me."
"Well you just have to understand that I don't wanna hear about my brother and his relationships! I'm tired of the girls he dates affecting the relationship I have with him."
"I know that. And I don't think I've tried to talk to you about him. Not when we were dating, not when we broke up, or even now, really."
"Ok."
"It just kind of sucks that I feel like I can't say anything to you."
"Well, it's not just you Peyton. Or any of the more recent girls. This has been going on since he started dating! All his girlfriends feel the need to tell me about their problems! And I just don't want anything to do with it."
"Well I don't wanna talk to you, or anyone about Daniel. It's over. And I have nothing to say about it."
My Aunt noticed me texting, and told me to get to work, so before Alyssa could respond, I said, "I'm at work now. I can't text anymore."
She never wrote back.
I'm just really...hurt and kind of annoyed that she makes all of this stuff out to be about me and Daniel, when it's not! It's about me and her!
Alyssa and I haven't spoken since then. I mean, I stayed at my Aunt's for 2 days, and went straight to work when I came back. So I haven't had a lot of time to see or talk to anyone, but...this is not resolved, by any means. And I'm tired of having these disagreements with her. I just want it to be done with! I just want her to see things from my perspective, and know when she's hurting my feelings. There's no way she could comprehend the depth of hurt I was feeling when Daniel and I broke up. Because I didn't tell her. I didn't talk to her about it at all, because I knew she wouldn't want me to. and I do understand! He's her brother. She loves him. But that doesn't give her the right to assume that it meant nothing.
I wish she could just look at this from a nonbiased p.o.v. and realize that no matter who it is that breaks my heart, I just want my friends to be there to catch me when I fall. Not judge me. Not say "I told you so". Not belittle me, or make light of the situation. Just empathize.
Is that too much to ask?

I have a date on Monday with a guy (JD) I met on that dating website. We still haven't met in person, and it's been a month since I canceled my membership, but I've been so busy with moving and everything, that we're only just now getting to meet. He's tall, and really cute, and he has a motorcycle (hot!!), but again, not getting my hopes up. He friended me on myspace and the impression I got of him there, is that he's a really big flirt. And I'm not sure how well that's gonna go over. But who knows! At least he's actually taking me out on a real date! Maybe he'll be the man of my dreams and we'll fall madly in love while staring into each other's eyes over plates of pasta and glasses of wine and then we'll ride off into the sunset, on his motorcycle, and live happily ever after.
LMAO.

The Return Of The Ex...

Well I just got back from Austin yesterday. The trip was short and sweet, but much needed. It was like a mini high school reunion. Me, Rikki, Izzie, Shane and Megan had 2 wonderful girls' nights.
This entire week has been kinda up and down though. On Thursday afternoon, my mom called me while I was still in Austin. She told me might have breast cancer. ((sigh)) I totally freaked out. I mean I know breast cancer is generally curable and not that serious, but I just never thought it would happen to my mom. Ya know? So I was really upset and crying in the middle of a department store ((ugh...)) and thought I might go home early. But my girls cheered me up, and begged me to stay, so I did. And I'm glad I did.
We went out to 6th St on Thursday night, and had a blast. Izzie and Megan's husbands stayed at the apartment and played Wii, so it was just us girls. I even met a guy! He approached me, talked to me, acted interested, and asked for my number. But I'm learning not to count my chickens before they hatch, so I'm not gonna say anything else about him right now. Except that he did text me last night asking me if I had fun. I told him yes, and that I wished I could have stayed in Austin longer.

So, in other news, my ex is in town. The Psycho.
He called me Tuesday.
He's deploying at the beginning of September, so he got some leave time.
((sigh))
Anyways, I was talking to him, politely, asking him how he was doing, etc... And he said he wanted to hang out. Well I had just gotten off work, and it was 12:30 am, so I told him I probably wasn't gonna go anywhere, since I was leaving for Austin the next day.
"Well I'll just stop by and see you later then." He said.
"Later? What do you mean by later??" I asked.
"I dunno, like 3:30 or something."
"What makes you think I'm gonna let you into my apartment at 3:30 in the morning!?" I asked, incredulous.
"Because it's me! And you better be wearing some sexy lingerie too. I know you got some."
I could hear 2 other guys talking in the background. It sounded like he was in the car.
"Are you fucking kidding me right now!?" I half-shrieked.
"What happened?" He asked, assuming that wasn't meant for him.
"I'm talking to you!" I yelled.
At this point, the conversation went very downhill, and he went on off one of his usual tangents of cusswords and insults. He told me I was an arrogant bitch, and I should go fuck myself, and all this other shit...
I was just sitting there, almost amused really, shaking my head in disbelief.
And I said in a very calm voice, just loud enough for him to hear over his yelling, "You are exactly the same petulant, selfish, immature, dick that you were when we were dating. And you know what? We're not together anymore, so I don't have to put up with your shit. So now, I'm gonna hang up on you, and you're just gonna have to deal with it."
((click))
I sat there for a minute, still trying to comprehend what had just happened.
Had I just had a good old fashioned argument with my ex??
It was like a really twisted sense of de ja vu. Because in the past, I would have gotten really upset, and hurt, and done whatever I could to make him not be mad at me. But this time, I just didn't give a flying fuck! It was awesome. And the best part about it was, I know how he operates. And I know I ruined his entire night. Haha. He probably got all pissed off and stewed in his anger for the rest of the night. Because that is so like him!
So I'm definitely not going to be seeing The Psycho. At least I hope not...

((sigh))

Speaking of exes, Melissa saw Daniel on Thursday leaving the movie theater. He was with Delilah, and some "fugly" girl and another kid. Melissa may have just told me she was ugly to make me feel better, but judging by the other Peyton he dated, I wouldn't be surprised. What I am surprised about, however, is that I haven't run into him yet! But that's definitely a good thing. I'm still not sure I'm ready for that. I still miss him, but I'm doing a lot better. And like they say in He's Just Not That Into You, "It's nice to have companionship and wake up with somebody that you really like, but that's what pets are for. Pets are God's way of saying "Don't lower the bar because you're lonely.'"
And I am so on that!

Anyway, last night after work, Bethany and I went to IHOP, just the 2 of us, and we sat there for a while, talking. Then my phone beeps. I have a text message. At 4 in the morning!
I looked in my inbox, and saw that it was from a number I didn't recognize.
Well, well, well...
Rusty.
"Hey, you still stayin' up late? -Rusty"
I didn't respond right away, cuz Bethany and I were in the middle of a conversation, but I wrote him back 15 minutes later on my way home.
"I sure am. And apparently you are as well..."
Sixteen minutes later, he responds. How typical. Lol.
"Yea I had a gig tonight. What are you doin'?"
I waited another 16 minutes. Haha.
"Just got home from work and IHOP a little bit ago. Now I'm reading a book in bed. You?"
He responded right away to this one.
"I just got home too. Just telling my roommate about the night."
"So where'd you play at?"
"It's called The Depot. Then we went to a really southern after party."
"Lol nice. Were there people in overalls?"
"Not quite, but it wouldn't have surprised me."
"Ha. Well sounds like had an interesting night. I'm going to sleep now finally. Busy day tomorrow, goodnight."
I wanted to be the one to end the conversation, because I didn't wanna see to eager. Plus I was getting really tired.
And he really needs to just call me. No more texting.

So I finally picked out my dog! He's a goldendoodle, SO adorable! When I get him, I'll post pictures! I can't wait. And don't worry, I know how much responsibility a dog is. I did have a horse, remember?? Puppies are like children. I mean, would you leave your infant home alone? No.
So I definitely have some sitters lined up for when necessary; and as long as he's little, I plan on taking him everywhere! And there's this really awesome dog park right down the street.
Oh! And I'm going to call him Oliver. :)
After Oliver Wood in Harry Potter. Hehe.
He arrives from Indiana in the beginning of September! :) :) :)