Today Is The Worst.

Today is the worst. I had made up my mind to adopt one of the puppies I was fostering. I became super attached to him, and he's so fluffy and sweet! He got along with my dog AND even my cat! They love to play together! And I love him so much! Today I had to take all the puppies back to the SPCA to be spayed and neutered, and then the plan was to pick up Draper (mine) and Joan (the one Carrie adopted) and bring them back home with me.
But Sophie totally tanked that plan by telling me AFTER I DROPPED THEM ALL OFF, that if I adopt Draper, she won't move in with me this September. We were in the car, and I was on my way to drop her off at Tulane for meetings and stuff. I already got him a collar made with his name on it, and bought him a bed, and a double leash for he and Jasper to use when I walked them together... And of course I took the tags off everything. So then I cried the whole way home because I hadn't even said goodbye to him! I did eventually get to see him when I went to pick up Joan, but he was really out of it from his surgery, poor baby. And then I cried some more, of course. And I've pretty much been crying off and on all day. I was supposed to go to this P.h.D. dinner thing with Sophie, but I told her I decided to stay home. Partly because I don't feel like going anywhere, and I'm sad and miserable, and partly because I'm mad at her, because the reason I feel like this is her fault! She says with her 2 cats, another dog would just be too many animals. ((sigh)) I just miss him so much already. I know he'll find a home quickly, and someone will love him to death, I just wish it could have been me.

The only good news is, I ended up hearing from Adam yesterday almost right after I made my last post. So my moment of panic was shortlived. I guess he is still interested, or he wouldn't still be texting me, right? He's not coming back till Tuesday morning though! So again, I dunno when I'm gonna ever see him! Unless he wants to go out Tuesday night. But I'm not gonna ask him, he has to ask me. So we'll see...
Well, my sushi just arrived, so I'm gonna wallow in food and cuddle Joanie while I watch TV.

Give Up

I think I'm literally having the worst day of my life. I went to the lake with Jasper today to take pictures for my project that's due this week. The sun was out, it was a great day for shooting. I had my tripod and everything set up, and we were at the harbor, where it's flat and cement, good surface for a tripod. Well as I'm taking a picture, a huge gust of wind comes and blows my tripod camera and all into the lake. It's still there, somewhere 9 feet under the freezing cold water, never to be seen again.
Brand new $1400 camera gone. Lens gone. Tripod gone. Project gone. Memory card gone. Pictures gone.
LIFE gone.

This is the second time in 2 weeks that I've suddenly been confronted with a situation where I need to spend thousands of dollars. Last week it was the dentist, now this. I can't stop balling, I'm just so devastated. NOw I don't have a camera, and I can't finish my project for school. I mean, photography is the main reason I came up here to this fucking concrete jungle and now I don't even have a camera! I JUST bought that camera! What am I going to do/??? I just wanna die right now. I can never seem to get anything fucking right. EVerything is a mistake. I just keep FUCKING EVERYTHING UP!!? I just wanna quit school and move back to Houston and be done with it. I've failed. And I have NO ONE here. NO ONE. I've called my mom like 12 times and even she doesn't answer. I've drifted apart from all the good friends I had in Houston, and I don't really have any good friends here. At least none that I can call when I'm crying hysterically. I don't have a boyfriend, or someone to hold me when I'm sad or just need a shoulder to cry on. There's just Sophie. And I hardly ever see her. I just wanna give up.
I wanna give up on everything.

I Stumbled Upon Something Bad...

I stayed with Brazil last night, everything was fine and dandy. We talked about stuff, mainly Stephanie, his ex. He said she keeps trying to contact him and it's bringing him down blablabla... I basically told him I was getting tired of hearing about Stephanie all the time, because I don't know what he wants me to do with this information! I mean there's nothing I can do about it. So how is that supposed to make me feel that he's constantly thinking about his ex, and getting all depressed over her? ((Sigh)) He said he was sorry, and that he's trying to get over her, but he can't just change his number, more blablabla.
So then this morning, he left early for work and I slept till like noon. When I got up, I went to his computer to check my email, facebook, etc. Well the browser opened automatically to his facebook, cuz he never signs out. And I saw a conversation open with some girl named Britney. And I saw the name Stephanie in that conversation, so I read it. Maybe it was against my better judgement, but guess what?? He apparently just broke up with her over the weekend!! Read below...

Britney: What's going on?

Brazil: broke up with the girl I was seeing this weekend :/

Britney: I didn't know you were seeing anyone. I'm so sorry. It just wasn't working out? What happened?

Brazil: it's a really long and sad story

Britney: Just tell me

Brazil: well i'm just heartbroken, I really fell for her, big time. I just feel used, and I am so angry, frustrated and sad

Britney: What did she do?

Brazil: Several things since I met her, but this weekend it reached the point where I had enough

Britney: What was the breaking point?

Brazil: this will be long so bear with me:

Britney: Ok

Brazil: So, she had to be away during valentine's day. She was doing training for her company in Ohio. Understandable, I had no problems with that at all.

Brazil: So we planned to celebrate our valentine's day on friday when she got back, i'd pick her up in the airport and we would have dinner afterwards

Brazil: i don't know if you know, but I don't have a car

Brazil: so I rented one, bought a nice card, bought a super nice gift (which i knew she really wanted already), made a reservation at this awesome restaurant in the burbs, I basically made sure she would have a great night once she got here

Britney: wow [Brazil], wow

Brazil: at first when she arrived, everything seemed to be fine, she seemed to be super happy to see me, she really enjoyed the gifts too, so far so good.

Brazil: Then at dinner, everything went fine, the food was great, we had wine, she enjoyed her meal, all good.

Brazil: then we drove back to her place, so we could spend the night together once we got there, she basically didn't even let me go up, saying she was too tired and wanted to be alone. 

Brazil: lets not forget she didn't give me shit for vday, just for the record. as soon as she left the car, i just could not believe what happened

Britney: oh boy

Brazil: then, the next day, she refused to answer the phone all day, completely ignoring me. That's when i said i had enough. She's done this several times before, so it was not like it was the first time.

Brazil: not to say that all the times i was at the hospital she did not come visit me once, one of the times she said she couldn't because she was having dinner with her girlfriends

Britney: Omg [Brazil], that would have been it for me right there

Brazil: so the dinner on friday, i was kinda giving it a last try, made sure i tried everything. i made sure i did everything as best as I could, so if something went wrong, i knew it would not have been my fault.

Brazil: and then, that shit happened, so I finally gave up

Britney: I'm sorry to hear that.

Yea, I'm sorry to hear that too, because I never want to see Brazil again. He fucking lied to me! After all that BULLSHIT about being honest, not matter what! He fucking lied. And what if he was sleeping with her?!? I feel like such a fool. I should have known better. He's young, he's not over his ex, wtf was I thinking!?? I know this is bad karma for reading a private conversation, but I guess it's better that I know. I just don't know what to do now. I mean I can't unlearn this information, and I can't pretend I don't know about it either. But how I can tell him I know?? What do I say to him?? And is it sad that there's some part of me that's hoping he'll have some sort of valiant explanation and everything will work out??

Oh yea, before I forget, guess who just sent me a friend request on facebook?? THE MODEL. Ughh.....

Today Sucked

Well today started out pretty awesome, and ended pretty horribly. Jenni and I went to the lake this afternoon, and I brought my old mermaid tail that I used for photoshoots, cuz she wanted to see me swim in it. Lol. So I brought my waterproof camera, a bottled water, my beach bag, and a book. You know, the usual...
Well as soon as we got in the water with my camera, something happened to it and it stopped working! Water somehow got in the screen and the lens, which shouldn't even be possible because it's a WATERPROOF CAMERA! And I've taken it swimming countless times! I've had it for years! Ugh...
So we get out of the water, to take a look at my camera, and I'm rummaging through my bag when I notice that EVERYTHING in there is WET. Including my phone!!!!! WHICH NOW ALSO NO LONGER WORKS!!!! Ughhhh.... Somehow the cap came off my water bottle and spilled all over everything.
So I took my phone and my camera apart and laid them out in the sun to dry. The phone still turns on and everything, but it's an HTC with a touch screen, and the touch screen no longer works. So it's pretty much useless. ((Sigh))

And my day just continues to get better...

On our way home from the lake, we stopped at Starbucks, because I was so thirsty. And while we were waiting for our drinks, I set down the bag with my mermaid tail, and LEFT IT THERE.
And I didn't realize it until much later, and they're already closed. So now I have my alarm set for 5:30am when they open, so I can call and see if they still have it. They better still have it!

Oh, and my shoulders are sunburned, even though I was wearing SPF50.

How could this day possibly get any worse?!?!?!??!?!

((Sigh)) The one good thing about today was I woke up thinking about Lane. Lol. He had texted me around 1am the night before. Here's our convo...

Lane: I'm at a typical skeaze bar

Me: Oh, so you miss me, huh? Lane: Is that what that translated to? Me: No, that would be me being a smartass. I thought you'd be used to it by now. Lol.

Lane: It wasn't false

Me: Well how dare you go to a skeaze bar without me?!

Lane: I was thinking the same

Lane: Super skeazy

Lane: Oh man, does this mean I'm thinking of you?

Me: I miss you too

Lane: I hate coming home for some reasons that I should share at some point

Me: Uh oh...lol. How come?

Lane: I might call you to explain

Me: Well you better do it soon then, or I might fall asleep

Lane: Just relax
[I literally laughed out loud at this]

Me: I am very relaxed at the moment. Lol.

So then he called, and we ended up talking for a little over an hour. He was kind of drunk at the time, so our conversation was erratic at best, but I gotta give him credit. He carries the best drunk conversation of anyone I know. He spoke very clearly and concisely and nothing he said was confusing. He was just all over the place! I didn't have to do much talking at all, actually. Although I don't think he ever really got to why he hates going home...

Mrs. Brown

She slammed the door of her car and hurried towards the school doors, clutching the paper to her chest.

She was tired of arguing with her mother, but it seemed inevitable these days. She couldn't even remember the last time they'd had a pleasant conversation. The voice of her nagging and yelling was swirling about inside her head. She shook herself in an effort to stop thinking about it. She had some fast maneuvering to do. Graduation was in 2 days. She knew it was her fault for procrastinating. If she would have taken care of returning her books before school had let out, she wouldn't be here now.

Well what difference does it make anyway? She thought, I just have to get this paper signed and I'm free to graduate. I'll never have to set foot inside this building again!

She walked into the administrative office and looked around. There was no one in sight.

"Hello?" She called.

Just then, a willowy looking woman with reddish hair came striding in.

"Can I help you?"

"Yea..um...I just need to get this last box signed here, for turning in my books?" She said, handing the paper to the woman.

"Well it says here you haven't turned in your Spanish book. I can't sign this unless you have the book."

"I left it in my locker. It should have been there when they did locker clean outs."

"I'm sorry. You'll have to go to the old building and check with someone in charge of book returns." She said with a polite smile as she handed the paper back.

She sighed with mild frustration and headed down the long hallway towards the old building. The new building had been finished her freshman year, and still had that smell of fresh paint, tools and freshly cut wood.

It was a straight shot to the cafeteria in the old building, where the book return was. All she needed to do was get someone to sign her paper. It couldn't be that hard, right?

Her hopes were dashed when she saw who was running the book return: Mr. Reeves. They had never been exactly fond of each other. But she put on her most charming face and approached him, nonetheless.

"Mr. Reeves?"

He looked up, but said nothing.

"Um, could I just get you to sign this for me? It's the last thing I have to do before graduation."

He took the paper from her, wordlessly.

"Spanish book?" He said, and held out his hand.

"Uh...it was in my locker. With my other books. I left them there on the last day, for locker clean out."

"Well it says here that we're missing your Spanish book. No book, no signature." He handed her back the paper with curt smile.

She sighed again.

"I swear it was in my locker. I don't have the book Mr. Reeves. Could you please just sign it?Graduation is in 2 days." She pleaded with him.

"Well, I guess you should have thought about that before you misplaced your Spanish book."

She could see that she wasn't going to get anywhere with him, so reluctantly, she turned on her heel and stormed out, in a huff.

Fine. I'll just go to my old locker and look! Why the hell would I wanna keep a stupid Spanish book anyway!?

She trudged up the stairs of the empty high school, towards her old locker. When she reached the hallway where her locker had been, she saw that all the lockers stood ajar, and all of them were empty.

"Dammit!" She said aloud, to no one in particular. She headed back down the stairs,

and back to the new building, where her car was parked. In the fire lane. She silently cursed to herself as she remembered that fact. She hadn't thought she would still be here. She broke into a jog.

Guess I better move my car, since I'm probably gonna be here a while.

When she reached the front doors, she was relieved to see that her car was still there. She began to dig through her purse for her keys.

Where are my keys!?

Growing impatient, she dumped the contents of her purse onto the hood of her car. No keys.

She looked through the driver's side window of her car and cringed when she saw her keys dangling out of the ignition.

As if this day couldn't get any worse!

Now she would have to call her mom, who was already angry with her for putting everything off till the last minute. She gritted her teeth and thanked the heavens she hadn't locked her phone in the car as well. She pressed the 2 on the speed dial.

"Hello?" Her mom answered.

"Mom?"

"Yea?"

"I need you to come up to the school. I locked my keys in the car."

"WHAT!? I can't come up there right now! I'm on my way to go get your sister, you're just going to have to wait. Did you take care of that stuff yet?"

She sighed, "No, I'm still working on it. Are you sure you can't come now? My car is in the fire lane."

"Well WHY did you park in the fire lane! I don't have the spare key to your car, your dad does, and he's at work! You better hope you don't get towed! If you do, you're paying for it!"

"OK!!" She yelled, and snapped the phone shut. Clearly her mom was in no mood to help. She took a deep breath. Before she could stop them from escaping, tears began to trickle down her cheeks. She put her head down in the crook of her arm and leaned against her car. It must have been a hundred degrees outside. She decided she would sit just inside the front doors, where it would be cool, but she could still see her car, in case someone decided to tow it.

As she walked through the front door, tears still streaming down her face, an angel appeared to her, in the form of a heavyset woman with short brown hair.

"What's the matter sweetheart?" The woman said.

She looked up, surprised to see anyone. Before she could even answer, the angel pulled her in to her bosom, and she just cried even harder. Someone was hugging her. Someone she didn't even know, seemed to care.

The angel took the paper from her hand, and signed the last box at the bottom, without saying a word.

"There you go, Sweetie. Everything is going to be fine." She smiled, a tight smile that didn't show any teeth, but was still genuinely heart warming.

She wiped the tears from her face.

"Thank you." She said, "Thank you so much."

"Don't worry about it." The angel said. And just as suddenly as she had appeared, she was gone.

She later found out that the angel was called Mrs. Brown.

She would never forget Mrs. Brown. Her angel, in an office assistant's clothing.

The Perfect Dress

Man you guys, let me tell you how much I was hoping that maintenance guy would show up at midnight and add some excitement to my life! I just loooooooooove the drama!!
((chuckle))

Anyways, I didn't get a chance to go to my leasing office yesterday, since I was meeting with a new photography client. But I definitely will today! I'm not gonna bother with the police. As rude as they were, I can definitely withstand a little bullying. As for the maintenance guy though?? What it boils down to is, he knew I was there, since my deadbolt was locked, and I'm sure he knew I was sleeping, and he was definitely TRYING to wake me up, which is completely uncalled for. He should left me alone after I didn't answer the door the first time. And that's what I'm going to YELL to my apartment managers. Ugh.

Anyways, other than that little incident, my weekend was pretty good! Saturday during the day, I went to Taryn's apartment and raided her closet for dresses. She had a couple cute ones, but none of them were like...The One. But she told me to bring them anyways. Then we went out to lunch, which was nice. She's one of my only single friends these days, so we can relate to each other.
While we were hanging out Todd called!
"Hello?"
"Hey Peyton, I have some good news!" He said.
"Really? What???" I asked, my heart pounding.
"I was able to get you a comped room at our hotel."
"WOW! Seriously???"
I couldn't believe my luck! I'd been wondering how I was gonna manage to get around if I stayed with my mom's cousin. She lives about 30 minutes from the stadium, which is a pretty expensive cab ride.
"Yea! They were only giving the extra rooms out to the players who were married, but one of my teammates is good friends with guy who's in charge of booking the rooms, and he managed to pull some strings."
"Omg thanks, Todd! That's so awesome!"
"No problem! You and Laura will be sharing a room."

Uh oh! I thought, The bomb drops... But I didn't let on how weird that might be, I just thanked him profusely. I don't even care about that! I mean, I like Laura, she's a nice girl, and I have nothing against her personally. I just don't think she's right for Todd! But we get along, and it's going to be fun regardless.

So Saturday night, I worked at the Washington bar. Taryn and I were actually scheduled at the same time, so we carpooled! :)
Go green! Working there was really awesome though. It was a nice change of scenery. The prices and computer system are different, but I picked up on everything right away. It was fast paced, so I wasn't bored, and the night went by quickly, and we made great money!! Just what I need for Miami!!

Sunday morning, I woke up earlier than I'd planned, but I had a lot of stuff to do so I just decided to roll with it. First stop? The mall. As much as I was dreading walking around The Galleria, I just had to find the perfect dress! As I was getting ready to go, Laura called.

"Hey Peyton!! Are you excited?! We're roomies!"
"I know! I am excited! It's gonna be so much fun!"

We chatted about the weekend, our flights, and what to wear. I told her I was about to head to the mall to find something. She expressed that she had no clue what she was going to bring. So I offered to bring along some extra dresses, just in case she wanted to borrow something.
The mall was actually not that bad. I perused through Macy's pretty quickly, found some cute stuff, but nothing that really stood out. Then I headed to French Connection, where I found the perfect dress! Not only is it purple, my favorite color, but it was marked down, and 50% off!! And it fit perfectly! I'll post pictures when I get home.
I also got the perfect accessories to go with it. Black sequined pumps with a matching black sequined clutch. Now, all I need is jewelry, and I'll have the perfect ensemble for the post-game players party on Sunday. I'm so excited!!!

After the mall, I headed over to my aunt's house in Spring. My grandparents were in town, along with my Aunt Josie and her kids. So it was kind of like a mini-family reunion. We had dinner, played catch-up and watched the Grammy's. Then I finally went home, exhausted, and well...you know the rest of the story.
My lash extensions appointment got canceled yesterday cuz apparently a bunch of girls dropped out of the program. I was pretty disappointed but...oh well. She said she'd keep me in her appointment book for next time.
Well, it's back to work! Busy busy busy!!

Scared

Ever been woken up from a deep sleep, in the dead of night, to the sounds of someone violently banging on your front door??

Cuz I have! Last night I went to sleep around 10:45. I'd been sleeping for about an hour when it started. Jasper started barking of course, and I was startled into consciousness. Whoever it was, was banging incessantly, and ringing the doorbell in rapid succession. I looked at the clock. Midnight. Who the hell would be coming over at midnight?? I was afraid to go to the door and see who it was. They were still banging, hard! Then I heard the door knob rattle and turn, as someone tried to open the door. Alright now I was really scared. I was clutching Jasper's nose, holding his mouth shut so he wouldn't bark. For some reason, I didn't want them to hear me. I grabbed my phone and began to panic. My visitor was still trying to force the door open.
Who can I call?? I have...no one!
My first thought was Brandon, but I quickly talked myself out of that. As distraught as I was, there was nothing he could do, even if he was willing. Then I thought of my parents, but they're too far away.
Nick!! I suddenly thought, Not only does he live about a block away, but he's a police officer!!
I quickly dialed his number. The banging had temporarily subsided, but I was still shaking.
When he picked up the phone, I could tell he was out somewhere.
"Can you go someplace quiet, it's important!" I said.
"Yea, one sec." He said.
The line finally went silent.
"What's up?" He asked urgently.
"There is somebody banging on my door and trying to get into my apartment." I said, "I'm afraid to leave my room to go see who it is!"
"No, stay in your room. Call HPD."
"Ok..."
"Just hang up the phone with me, and call HPD, they'll run a Code 1 and be out there really quick, I promise. Just tell them some one's trying to break into your apartment."
"Ok." I said. The banging had started again, and I heard a man's voice.
"Alright, call me back after you call them, ok?"
"Ok." I said, and I hung up the phone, trembling.

Then I dialed 9-1-1. I told the operator everything, and gave her my address and phone number. She said someone would be out right away. The guy was still banging on my door. In a rush, I jumped out bed and went to my underwear drawer. I began rummaging around under my bras. I was afraid to draw attention to myself by turning on the light.
Where is it!?!
Finally my hand closed around something cool and heavy. My handgun. I sighed with relief and made a mental note to move it to a spot closer to my bedside. Then I grabbed Jasper, got back in bed, pulled the covers up to my neck, and put the gun in my lap, and waited. The banging had stopped again, but now I heard sawing.
SAWING!!
Omg omg omg, was all I could think. He's trying to saw his way through the door!

I didn't hear sirens, but I saw the blue lights flashing through my window. Nick was right, they were fast. A few minutes later, I heard someone knocking, not banging, at my door. I slipped the gun under my pillow and locked Jasper in the bathroom. Then I cautiously went to the door. I peeked through the blinds just to make sure it was really the police. It was.

Then I opened the door. Most of the conversation is fuzzy, but there were 4 or 5 officers, 2 of them were women. And there was the maintenance guy. THE FUCKING MAINTENANCE GUY! I was so livid. Why the fuck would he be banging on my door like a crazed psychopath at 12am on a Sunday night! I WAS SLEEPING! And he literally SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME!! Not to mention, the cops treated me like I was just another dumb girl, calling the police because I heard a bird outside my window or something.
Apparently the people in the apartment below me had a leak, and he wanted to see if it was coming from under my kitchen sink. WHICH IT WASN'T! And when he asked if he could come up and check, I was like, "Seriously?? I have to get up at 5:30, can't this wait till the morning??" And one of the female cops said something really rude along the lines of, "Obviously it's important, it'll just take a second, and wouldn't you want your neighbors to do the same for you??" It was just the way she said it. Condescending. And of course she acted annoyed with me.
So alllll 6 of them came in! And I haven't exactly had a chance to clean during my 13 straight days of working. Ugh... So of course, the maintenance guy determined that the leak was NOT coming from my apartment. And then this guy cop says to me, in a rude, patronizing way,
"Ok well he can either turn of your water now, and figure out what the problem is, or you can wait till tomorrow and not have water to take a shower in the morning. But if you wanna take a shower tomorrow, he might have to come back in your apartment."
He spoke to me as if I was a child. I was too shaken up to defend myself.
"...Ok..." I said.
"Ok well you just call us again if you get scared." He said, sarcastically.
I wanted to slap the disdain and superiority off his face.
Hello?!?! I'm a single woman, who lives alone! I was dead asleep and it's midnight! How the fuck was I supposed to know it was the fucking maintenance guy!? It's not like I was expecting anyone!! And no one has ever banged on my door like that before. It literally sounded like he was trying to knock the door down! I mean, he banged on the door so hard, he scratched some of the paint off!!

As soon as I got back in bed, I called Nick. He had tried to call me a couple times, but I was too busy with the cops to answer. I told him what happened, and explained how rude the cops were.

"They shouldn't have done that. I mean, you live alone, and you're....they just shouldn't have done that." He said.

"Yea well...thanks for helping me out." I said.

"No problem. Call me if you need anything." He said.

Thank God for Nick. ((Sigh))

When I laid down, I stared up at my ceiling, and hugged Jasper close. Then I sobbed.
How easy it was for someone to rattle my cage, to make me feel unsafe. I have never felt so alone. So vulnerable.
I hardly slept a wink. I started at every single sound I heard. And my apartment faces the street, so there are a lot of sounds. ((Sigh))
Today when I get home, I'm heading straight to my apartment office and bitching somebody the fuck out.
How would you feel?? What would you do?? I mean, the maintenance guy apologized for scaring me, but I don't know what else to do. And that was completely uncalled for. I don't want anybody banging on my door at midnight unless the place is on fire! I have literally never been that scared in my life.

Answers

I am so pissed off already and it's not even 9:30am yet!!
Last night, me, Ali, Taryn and Bethany went to see The Lovely Bones (I thought it was excellent!) and Ali and I got there first, so we were sitting and chatting. Ali is a teacher by day, bartender by night. And she was asking me if I was scheduled to work this Sunday.
"Probably not, I mean I haven't seen the schedule yet but, Sunday isn't on my availability. Plus, that would put me at like 65 hours this week."
"Well they scheduled me, and I'm pissed."
"Seriously?? They usually ask me first if they need me to work a shift I normally can't work."
"Yea, same here, but nobody asked me."
"Great...well I guess I really need to find out my schedule."

So when I got home, I texted one of my coworkers and asked him to text me my schedule. And this morning when I woke up, there it was: Friday @10, Saturday @10, Sunday @2.

WHAT!? SUNDAY AT 2?? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!??

That means, not only am I getting NO DAYS OFF this week, but I have to spend 6 hours working with Izzie on Saturday, then I have to bartend, and I'm gonna get home Saturday night at like...5:30am, and then I'm gonna have to get up 6 and a half hours later and go to work AGAIN. And since there's a playoff game at 6, I'll probably be there till AT LEAST halftime! Who knows how late I'll get stuck there on Sunday! And then I have to get up at 5:30am the next morning!!!

I am so livid right now. So much bullshit has been going on over there and it's like...they treat me like I'm a newbie or something. I am literally going to be working 13 straight days in a row with no day off. FUCK! That's 65 hours this week, and WHO KNOWS how many next week!!

So I'm thinking about this on my drive to work, and by the time I got here, I was pretty fucking pissed. So I start writing an email, to Mr. S and Mr. P. And as I'm typing this email, my boss comes over, and asks, "So where are we with the Florida sites?"
I immediately minimized my email, and gave him my full attention, of course.

"Well I reviewed the emails you sent me, but since we made that spreadsheet for you last week, we haven't really looked at them...I mean I've had a bunch of new requests come in this week that I've been working on."

"So where are we with the Florida sites??" He asks in a really smartass way, with a stupid smirk on his stupid unshaven face! Did I mention before that he grows facial hair like a 15 year old and he NEVER SHAVES! WTF??? If I was a dude, and my "beard" looked that retarded, I would never leave the house without shaving. Ugh.

So I say, "Well...what do you mean??" Because obviously the answer I gave him wasn't good enough. Again, WTF?!

And then he's like, "Well we need to get going on those."

WOW. THANK YOU FOR BEING SO SPECIFIC. I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO NOW.
OMG I HATE HIM!!!

I know I complain about my job too much, and I should be thankful because millions of people don't have jobs, etc...but... I seriously need to get the FUCK out of here. I hate this job. I hate it. My boss is an idiot, and I'm underpaid and overqualified for this bullshit. Uuuugggghhhh!!!

Anyways, here's the email I wrote to my other bosses. I haven't sent it to them yet though. I forwarded it to Ali first so she could read it and give me her opinions. She says it's a little too direct and she's going to edit it for me. But here's the rough draft.

Ok, the reason I'm emailing you guys, is because it seems like this is the only way I can get a response out of you. I really would like to know why I'm not able to pick up shifts at the shot bar and the Washington bar. Mr. S, I've asked you this several times, but you're always either too busy, or I get a brush off or ignored. Am I being punished for something?? Cuz it sure seems like it.
I mean look at the facts: Ali, Aaron, Brandon, Taryn, and Sierra ALL pick up shifts at the other bars. And 2 of those people haven't even been working for this company as long as I have. I just don't get it. Maybe you guys haven't even put any thought into it at all, so I'm bringing it to your attention. I mean, I work hard, I'm always on time, I don't no call/no show, which is more than I can say for a lot of people that are currently working there. And now I'm back to getting 10pm shifts every Saturday. I know I have a day job now, but so do Ali and Aaron! And their shifts don't seem to be suffering. I mean, obviously I WANT to work for your guys, otherwise I would have quit when I started this new job. And I don't know if you guys realized this, but I'm looking at working 65 hours this week, with NO day off, since you scheduled me Sunday. Ali probably is too.
Anyways, my whole point to this email is, I just kind of feel like I've been swept under the rug. If I work hard and do my job the way I'm supposed to (which I DO), why are people who DON'T do those things, being rewarded, instead of me? I mean, I could sit here and give you a list of things you should probably know about a lot of your new bartenders. Most of them have no clue what they're doing, most of the time. But I don't care about that, I just don't want to be filed away with those people. So will somebody PLEASE give me some answers!

Thanks,
Peyton

As soon as Ali writes me back, I'm sending that email. After reading back through it, it probably is a little harsh. And I don't wanna come off as bitchy or confrontational. I just want answers.

Keeps Coming Back...

Well I'm all set to go to Austin. I found a dog sitter, and requested off work. So I'm going the weekend before Thanksgiving.
Work is getting a little more interesting. I just got finished calling a long list of people, to inform them that technicians are going to be coming in and updating their systems. Not too exciting, but at least it's time-consuming.
This weekend was horrendous. Seeing Brandon after a week of not seeing him, was heart wrenching. He's back with that stupid slut. The one he told me he didn't care about, and she meant nothing to him, and she was boring, and uninteresting. ((Sigh)) It breaks my heart that he would choose her over me! And after all that bullshit he spat me about wanted to be alone, and concentrate on golf, and work, etc, etc...Total lies. And on top of that, people at work, and my friends, feel the need to tell me, EVERY TIME they see him with her, or any girl. And I guess The Slore is telling people that they're dating. Which of course, he denies, under the pretenses that they've "never even talked about that". I wish I could just stop caring. I feel so weak. So fragile. I'm always on the verge of tears. I cry myself to sleep every night, after laying awake for hours thinking about him. And I know he's not right for me. I know he can't give me what I want! But I still love him. I just wish I didn't. And more than anything, I wish I didn't have to hear about him being with another girl. I wish she didn't come into my bar all the time. I wish I didn't get paranoid every time I see Brandon respond to a text message. ((Sigh))
Why am I so depressed?? It's like I've forgotten how to make myself happy. Everything is just dull. Gray. Empty. I'm tired 24/7, probably because I can't sleep at night. And when I do sleep, I wake up almost every hour. I have nightmares, and weird, unsettling dreams. I'm so sick of being alone. And I don't even mean just relationship-wise. I'm by myself all the time! And I don't even have the energy or the motivation to leave the house when I have free time, because I'm so tired, and I feel so antisocial. And when I am around people, I don't feel like talking to anyone. I just sit there and think.
Why her? Why me? What does she have that I don't? Why am I even comparing myself to her? Why can't I just get over it already? Why is it that nothing seems to make me happy anymore??
In the past year, my hair has lost about 30% of it's density. I'M LOSING MY HAIR! I had a full-on mental breakdown Saturday night because of it. When I was washing my hair, there were like 8 full strands in my hands afterwards. I called my mom crying, and she suggested I call in from work. But I couldn't cuz I need the money. Now I wish I would have because Brandon and I got in a fight that night. He got mad cuz I asked him to face his one dollar bills, and he said I was singling him out and trying to make him look bad. ((Sigh)) I told him he was over analyzing and being too defensive and mean. Let's just say, the argument didn't really get us anywhere.
Sunday, I got so mad, I told him to stay out of my life. Because he's selfish and I'm sick of him rubbing it in my face that he has a new chick.
To which he responded, "I can't help what other people say. I'm not doing anything wrong!"
And I told him to shove it because he doesn't give a shit about me, or anyone, but himself. Then he said he was deleting my number.
I ended up texting him later that I was sorry, and I didn't mean all those things, I just need some time, and I hope he understands.
He said he understands, but I don't think he does! I think he thinks I'm crazy, and he doesn't get why I'm so upset over him. I'm just another obsessive ex-girlfriend. He doesn't get it, because he never felt what I do. And that hurts too.
I need help. I'm drowning. I can't deal with this anymore. No matter what I do, or how hard I try, this just keeps coming back to haunt me.

New Job Tonight!

I'm starting my new job with Bethany tonight. I'm excited, and nervous at the same time. On the one hand, I know it'll be really good for me to get out, meet some new people, and it'll be a nice change of scenery. Plus, I'll be making money again!
On the other hand, I have been spending the last month prepping my resume and putting some feelers out in the pharmaceutical sales industry. So don't worry, I'm on top of it!
Yesterday was a real rough day for me. Just, coming home from Austin, to an empty apartment full of boxes. I had no food, no television, and nothing to do. So I decided to go grocery shopping.
First, there was all this construction going on right near my apartment, so it took me like 20 minutes to get to HEB, even though it normally takes 5. Then this fat, asshole cop, was being really rude to me, because I was trying to ask him how I could get across the street.
"Well you can't go driving through all this machinery!" He yelled.
"Um, I know that, I was asking, politely, mind you, if there is any way I can get over there!" I said.
The other cop that was with him, was super nice, and told me he'd direct me across as soon as the cement truck passed.
So then I got home, and there were no parking spots, so I had to park really far away, and carry like 10 grocery bags all the way to my apartment. So when I finally got inside, I was setting the bags on the counter, and this 16 oz glass bottle of lemonade fell out of one of the bags and landed right on my left pinkie toe! I dropped everything I was holding and screamed bloody murder. Then I collapsed on the floor of my kitchen, sobbing, and had a complete emotional breakdown.
My toe swelled up to the size of a large yellow grape, and turned blackish purple.
Just great.
((Sigh))
Now I'm just hoping I get my boots on for work.

Well, that's about all that going on here now. I really hope I have a good night at work tonight. Cuz I really need it. I'm meeting Bethany at her place around 7:30, and we're gonna carpool. :)
So at least I won't get lost!

Home Sweet Home

I lost track of my traveling journal after that last night. We did end up making it back to Slovakia that night though. Emma and I were both so relieved to get away from Stajno and Davíd! We rested up a day in Slovakia and then took a train to Prague the next day to meet up with Sophie and Brent. We had so much fun with them! And it was totally awesome to not be the odd person out for once. And of course it was just wonderful being with Sophie and Brent. Like a breath of fresh air! Prague was beautiful, and fun, and we stayed in a really nice hostel. The train was cool too, cuz I'd never ridden one before. Of course, we actually had to backpack there though, so Emma and I were exhausted and sore when we got back. And then finally, it was time for me to fly home! I was soooooo happy!
I had a plane from Slovakia to Prague, then from Prague to Amsterdam, and then from Amsterdam back to the states. But unfortunately, my plane from Prague to Amsterdam got wayyyy delayed, which made me miss my plane back into the states! I was soooo pissed. I mean I was that close to getting home! And I just wanted to see Brandon and Jasper!! ((Sigh)) But the airlines put me up in a hotel in Amsterdam for the night. The hotel was really nice, but of course it was literally out in the middle of nowhere, so I couldn't even go check out any cafes or anything. I was pretty pissed about that. Except that by this time, not only was I tired, but I was developing an eye infection from my contacts, and one of my tooth fillings had popped out! It was in pretty bad shape. I called my mom, all upset and told her what was going on, and she made me feel better, and promised to make me dentist and eye doctor appointments for the day I got back.
Brandon was originally supposed to pick me up from the airport, but since I didn't make my first plane, he wasn't able to. So my dad picked me up. The flight was long, and there was a horrible child, screaming the whole way, with horrible parents, who just continued to reward her for her horrible behavior. Ugh. I can't stand people like that. But finally I made it. And now, I'm writing to you from my couch, and I'm back, and all in one piece. ((Phew!))
I know it's been a while since I've written, and already so many things have happened since I've been back. But I've hardly had a second to spare! Here's a quick summary of what I've been dealing with.

1) I have to move. Pretty much immediately, but I found a pretty awesome place today, and I'm gonna go sign the lease tomorrow
2) Two new girls at work. One of them I like, the other one I hate, because she incessantly flirts with Brandon!!!!!
3) Brandon's Daddy issues are flaring up again. Apparently he missed his stepmom's father's funeral or something, and so his dad is all pissed at him, which led to a full-on, drunken, disaster of a night this weekend. I don't even wanna get into that...
4) Have I mentioned my new guy friend? I met him just before I left. He moved here recently, and we've hung out (in groups!) a couple times. He's just lots of fun.
5) I have absolutely no tolerance for alcohol anymore. Not since Europe. So this story I have to tell you guys.

Last Tuesday, Brandon and I decided to go out for drinks, just the 2 of us. But then, we ended up running into Tug, and it just turned into a huge group of our coworkers, and we were all partying and having a good time. This was also the first time I'd seen a lot of these people since I'd been back, so they were all buying me shots and stuff. Well, at the end of the night, Brandon is dropping his friend off at his car, so Bethany and I are waiting for him. And I plop my ass down in this tree. Please note, I didn't climb the tree, it was just a short tree, with a perfect spot for sitting, so I sat. About 5 minutes later, there were fire ants, allllll over me! And of course, by the time I realize this, they're all inside my pants and everything. So Bethany and I are frantically trying to get these ants off, and I'm freaking out, and I somehow cut my arm on a fence, pretty bad too, but I have no recollection of doing so. And then I have to take my pants off, and Tug is laughing at me... ((Sigh))
The next morning, I woke up with over a hundred ant bites. And most of them are on my ass. Seriously. In verrrrrry private places. I had a thong on that night. Ugh. It sucks. BAD. I mean, it looks like I have severe diaper rash on the side of my butt. I don't even wanna put a swim suit on!! The ones on my feet are the most bothersome though, because it hurts to wear shoes, and my toes are all swollen. ((Sigh)) So yea. That's my drunken story. It's pretty funny actually now that I think about it.
Well, anyways... I hope I've satisfied your blog cravings. Sorry I've been MIA. That's going to change now though! Now that I'm all caught up, I can start blogging regularly again. As soon as I finish editing my photos from Europe, I'll try to post some. And if there's anything anyone wants to know, please ask!! Cuz I'm sure I've probably missed some things.
Well, now I really gotta get to bed, cuz I gotta pool party to go to tomorrow! :)
Ciao!!

The Early Worm Gets The Worm

Omg. I woke up at 6:30 this morning to the sound of very loud hammering in the apartment directly above me. The maintenance guys are replacing the carpet. Ugh.
At first, I was so groggy with sleep that I just assumed it was my neighbor. So I got out of bed and grabbed one of my wooden wedges and started banging on the ceiling. Oliver was looking at me like I was crazy. Lol. Then I giggled and laid back down, but the hammering didn't stop, and could not sleep. I'm so pissed. I went to bed at 3am!! That's only 3.5 hours of sleep!!
So I got up and took Oliver out for a peepee walk. But for some reason, as soon as I get him out on the leash, all he wants to do is play! And he won't go to the bathroom!! I'm having trouble getting him to go on the pee pad too. He keeps having little accidents all over the place. It's like I'm perpetually following him around with a roll of paper towels and a spray bottle. Lol. Well, as soon as he's old enough to get his second round of shots, I'm gonna enroll him in a puppy training class.
He's absolutely adorable though! He follows me around everywhere, he likes to play, and chase me, and he's SOOO cute when he sleeps! He's like a ragdoll; he just falls asleep wherever I put him, however I put him. Lol.
Anyways!! So I hung out with Rusty the other night. I met him at the bar where he had his gig, but he was already done playing. So he bought me a drink, and introduced me to a couple of his friends. By the time I had gotten down there though, it was already 1:30am, so he asked if I wanted to come over and watch a movie. I hesitated before answering, and he assured me that his roommate and a couple of his friends would be over too, so no pressure. Lol.
So I went. When we first got there, it was just the 2 of us. So we sat down on the couch and he put on a movie. But we didn't really watch the movie, because I was too distracted with his half-Dalmatian puppy, and he just kept talking! I mean he talked so much I was almost shocked! He just never struck me as the chatty type. And I was starting to get really sleepy so my attention kinda kept wandering while he was talking. Rude, I know, but you know how when you're on the phone, and the TV is on, and you're sort of just staring at the TV and not listening to your phone conversation, but you're not actually watching the TV, you're just...spaced out?? Well, that kept happening to me, and then I was suddenly aware that he was silent.
"What?" I asked quickly, trying to cover my faux-pas.
"Would it be ok if I kissed you?" He asked again.
I was so caught off-guard, I probably stared at him with my mouth hanging open for a good 5 seconds. Then I started giggling.
"I can't believe you're actually asking me that!"
"Why not?" I could tell he was trying to gauge whether or not he should be embarrassed.
"I dunno...just...because people don't usually ask that kind of thing. Especially not on the first date. I mean, what if I say no??"
"Are you saying no?"
"I haven't said anything."
Then he leaned in, and kissed me! Tentatively, and gently, just his lips on mine for a few seconds. I was having so many mixed feelings. I mean, for one, I hardly know this guy! And I'm not sure yet if I wanna get involved with him. I mean...my conscience is telling me it's probably a bad idea. He's in a band, he has a track record of being a player, he didn't even finish high school! But another part of me is very intrigued. And he seems so different than what I thought. He's really...unguarded. And sweet. And it was so obvious how much he was genuinely into me, and he wasn't afraid to let that show. ((sigh)) So I kissed him back, but I was careful not to give anything away.
Then I was kind of distracted with my thoughts for the rest of the night. We kissed some more, then his roommate came home, and we smoked. It was pouring down rain by this time, and now I was not only sleepy, but high. Rusty told me I was welcome to stay the night, but I said no, I really needed to get home, I had a lot of stuff to do tomorrow...etc.
But I ended up staying anyway. It was a little awkward, I mean I was fully clothed, freezing, and not very comfortable, and he kept wanting to cuddle! And it was just kind of...weird. Because like I said, I hardly know him, and it's not like we're boyfriend-girlfriend, so I felt weird laying in his bed with his arm around me. I've never been good with PDA unless I've been with the guy for a while, or unless I'm madly in love with him. So it felt a little awkward. But I was so tired, that I didn't even care. I fell asleep almost immediately.
The next morning, my alarm went off and I got up to leave. He got up and kissed me again, with more abandon this time. Then he walked me to my car, and asked me when I was coming back. I said I didn't know, and I don't.
He's been texting me frequently ever since. He wanted me to hang out with him again last night, but I stayed home with Oliver.
So now he is actively pursuing me. Bethany thinks I should stay away from him because he used to date one of our old coworkers, and he cheated on her. But in his defense, that was a couple years ago, and he's not the only person that's cheated. ((sigh))
So I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just need to get to know him better. But I do know in the back of my head, that there is no real future for Rusty and I. So why wasted my time?? Because I have nothing else going on? Because I think he's hot, and I'm strangely drawn to him? While neither of those reasons would stand in court, I still might not be able to help myself.

Masks

I really feel like someone out in the cosmos is trying to test me this week. To see how far they can bend me before I break.

Friday I got into a ridiculous argument with Daniel, and went home feeling like crap. I hardly slept at all that night, only to wake up knowing what I would have to face the next day.

Saturday I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends. My horse. I know to all you who are reading, that may seem silly, but I loved Mister with all my heart. I just couldn't afford to keep him. So I had to sell him. As soon as I got home from the barn, I collapsed into tears while in my closet looking for a pair of shoes. I still haven't been able to bring myself to cash the check.

Sunday I couldn't stop thinking about everything that had happened. It was all I could do to keep myself from crying. And it was another night of restless sleep.

Monday I got an email from Daniel, pretty much saying I'm a crappy person. That just made my day. But I kept telling myself it would be ok. I would be ok. And it was starting to work.

By Tuesday I was getting over it.

Then Wednesday evening I get a phone call, and it takes Daniel 30 minutes to tell me how much he cares about me BUT, apparently I'm not worth trying to make it work. So much for getting over it. And you know what? Right now I just feel so worn down, and so...driven into the ground, that I don't even care about trying to pretend it doesn't hurt. Because it does. A lot more than I had imagined it could.

Why can't people ever just say what they really mean? What they really feel? Why does it seem like it always takes me so long just to get to the bottom of it, to get the the real truth? Why do people have to wear masks? Masks of sympathy, masks of sorrow, masks of concern, masks of regret... Don't bother. Just fucking say it.

Wednesday night, I get another phone call. One of my best friends is in the hospital. He had a heart attack. And he's 26 years old. My stomach flew up into my throat as soon as I heard. And I can't even go visit him tomorrow because he's in ICU, and they have really limited visitation hours, and I have to go to stupid fucking Huntsville for a court date tomorrow. What kind of friend am I if I can't even go see my best friend in the hospital??

As soon as I came home I played the piano. For about an hour. It seems to be the only thing that calms me down, without distracting me from what's really going on. I just play what I'm feeling. And then I just cried. Because...this can't be happening...

Where are we?
What the hell is going on?
The dust has only just begun to form
Crop circles in the carpet
Sinking feeling

Spin me round again
And rub my eyes,
This can't be happening
When busy streets a mess with people
Would stop to hold their heads - heavy

Hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines
All those years
They were here first

Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before the takeover,
The sweeping insensitivity of this still life

Hide and seek
Trains and sewing machines, oh, you won't catch me around here
Blood and tears (hearts)
They were here first

Whacha say,
That you only meant well?
Well of course you did
Whatcha say,
That its all for the best?
Because it is

Whatcha say?
That it's just what we need
You decided this
Whatcha say?
What did you say?

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
Speak no feeling no i don't believe you
You don't care a bit,
You don't care a bit

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut outs
Speak no feeling no i don't believe you
You don't care a bit,
You don't care a bit

Oh no, you don't care a bit
Oh no, you don't care a bit
Oh no, you don't care a bit
You don't care a bit
You don't care a bit

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Wow, 3 posts in a day must be a record. But since I've the time off, and I don't really feel much like socializing...
I've kind of just withdrawn into myself today, and the only thing that keeps my mind off things is my book. I tried cooking, that was a bust. While "drying" bread crumbs, the toaster oven burst into flames, and then as I was adding the last ingredient to my spinach souffle, the top of the pepper came off and spilled all over the whole dish. So it was completely ruined. ((sigh))

Melissa came over to pick up her beauty pageant photos and invited me out to the movies with her and the girls. I said ok at first, but after my cooking disaster, I just didn't feel like going anywhere. The weather sucks too. It's so cold, and rainy here. Ugh.
I just wish I could get out of this funk.

What Am I?

I've been suspended. Yea. Suspended from work for 2 weeks. For something I didn't even do! And the worst part is...I'm not even mad about it, I'm just...sad. Supposedly I wasn't ringing up drinks or something. But let me tell you what happened.
An old regular came in who had been out of town for a while. He ordered 6 shots from me at my well. Then he asked if I could bring them to him all the way at the opposite end of the bar. And of course, I had to say I would, since he's a customer. So I said sure. Then, as I'm making his shots, Jenna comes up and orders some drinks on her tab. So I finish up the shots, and then hand her her drinks real quick so I can dart to the other side of the bar and give this guy his shots. When I get down there and start handing them to him, Mr. P. walks up and asks me what I'm doing down there. I explained, and then he said, "Well you better hurry up and get back over there, there's waitress tickets printing out." So I run back over to the other side of the bar to grab the ticket, and make it. Then Blinn approaches me and asks if I rang the stuff up. I said, "Not yet, I had to bring all the drinks way down there, and then Mr. P. practically yelled at me to get back over here, so I told the customer I'd be right back to get his money." And of course, I knew he wasn't gonna run off without paying me, cuz he's a regular and he's good for it. Then he starts questioning me about Jenna's drinks, and asking me if I rang hers up. And I told him she had a tab started. So I go back over to the other side when I'm done being interrogated, and I get the guy's money, go to the computer, and ring up his shots, and Jenna's drinks all at once. End of story.
The rest of the night was pretty shitty I might add...
Then at the the end of the night, Blinn says he wants to talk to me in the office. And of course I knew what it was about. He tells me 2 people told him I wasn't ringing up drinks. I dunno if he made that up to see if I'd "confess", or if 2 people really did say that, but I explained the whole situation to him. And all he could say to me was, "Well you've been working here long enough to know better. It's action/transaction. And (Mr. P.) and I talked about it for like 10 minutes, and we decided to suspend you for 2 weeks. So just...come back tomorrow and you can pick up your tips, and call us in like 10 days and we'll tell you your schedule." I mean, I'm literally still in shock about this. I asked him when I supposedly did this, and what the drinks were, trying to figure out exactly was he talking about. But he couldn't give me any specifics. So I told him that if I ever didn't ring anything up, it wasn't because I was trying to hoodwink anybody, it would have been an honest mistake. And I honestly couldn't think of any drinks I hadn't rung up tonight! I mean seriously! And mostly I'm shocked because the whole way home, all I could think about is why do I keep trying to prove myself to these people!? I mean, I shouldn't have to. I do my job, and I do it damn well, for one. And secondly, I have a degree. (Which is a lot more than I can say for a lot of the idiots I work with!) Why am I wasting my time trying to get in the good graces of a couple bar owners!? They're not gonna get me anywhere in life! I mean...I literally bend over backwards for these people, and do I ever get a pat on the back?? NO. All I get is criticized for a mistake that I didn't even make, because maybe someone thought they saw me do something. Don't they trust me?? Why can't they just give me the benefit of the doubt? I mean I can't afford to not work for 2 weeks!
And to top it all off, I had been really looking forward to the employee over-night party at Lake Conroe, which is the Sunday after next. But now I think I might just cross my name off the list since I will still technically be "suspended" at that time. ((sigh)) I don't even wanna show my face in there. I have half a mind to quit. Except I don't wanna just throw in the towel. I don't deserve this punishment! And I don't wanna let them get the best of me. Ugh. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Who knows...
I'm gonna spend this 2 weeks putting some feelers out and trying to find a real job. And I might get in touch with some of my contacts in the industry and see if anyone needs a bartender for next weekend...or this weekend, since I'm suddenly off tomorrow. Sometimes I just...hate my life. Why do these things always happen to me?? I mean...nothing ever goes right. Nothing.
Driving home, I just wanted someone to call and talk to, and I had no one to call! I can't get a guy to stick around for longer than a week, which apparently is enough time to screw me over, and I can't even manage to get my fucking bar managers to like me. I work in a fucking bar. I mean come on. What have I accomplished??
A huge fat nothing. That's what I have. Nothing.

The Accident

Ok I just got home from work, and I have to write about this now because by morning, the details will be fuzzy!
Well first, let me start off by saying, the photoshoot this morning went great! I got a lot of really awesome shots, and I know we'll both be happy with them. It was fun too!
Ok, now before I can get to the real story, I have to tell you guys what happened last night. I was in a pretty good mood at work, just doing my thing and having a good time. And in pops The Model. Of course. He always has to show up and ruin my night!! Well, he and his friend ordered a round of drinks, and when they came back for round 2, I said, "Do you guys want shots?" And I gestured as if to take a shot, because I was trying to talk to them over a loud crowd, and usually body language helps. But The Model shook his head and made a face.
"Oh come on!" I teased him, "Don't be a wimp!"
The Model shook his head, "You're a lush!" he said with a huge stupid grin on his face.
"What?!" I said. It took me a second to actually understand him.
"You're a lush!" He repeated. At first, I just thought he meant because I take shots with my favorite customers, as do all the other bartenders. But then I realized what he was really implying, and it started to piss me off.
"If I'm a lush, then you're a lush!" I retorted.
But he just shook his head as if to say "no way".
"It's not like I was trying to get you to buy me a shot!" I clarified. He never got a chance to respond because I got called away. But the more I thought about what he said, the madder I got. Where does he come off saying that to me!? I mean how many times have I hooked him up with free drinks?! What the hell do I need him to buy me shit for?! I work there! If I really wanted to get fucked up on the job, it wouldn't be that hard. Oh, I was so mad!
"He's an asshole, I don't know why you even still talk to the guy." Nick said after I vented to him about what happened.
"Well...I don't know either! But I can't help myself!"
Later, The Model's friend came back and said anytime I wanted a shot, he'd take one with me.
"Well, I was offering to buy you guys a shot, not suggesting you buy me one. Why does (The Model) have to be a dick about it??"
"I dunno...because he's Princess [insert The Model's name here]!" he answered.
I laughed, "Wow, I think I might actually use that one."
Ugh. So I was pissed about that for most of the rest of the night, until he left.
Then tonight at work, everything was going along like usual, except that I was keeping my eyes peeled for The Model. But he never showed, thank God. Anyways, John came in around 1 am, totally obliviated! I mean really...he was so drunk. However, I didn't realize this right off the bat, because he puts on a pretty good front. But when I went to go talk to him, I teasingly gave him a push on the shoulder, and he fell over backwards and hit his head on a stool!!! Mr. S. had to call the paramedics because his head was bleeding everywhere! It was terrible! For about 15 minutes, I felt so horrible... I mean I thought I'd killed John! The look on his face when we helped him up and Mr. S. dragged him into the back room... It wasn't good. And I just had to go back behind the bar and keep working! But I couldn't concentrate on anything else, and I was so worried about him, and I just felt so bad! Finally we turned on the lights for last call, and I ran into the back to see how he was doing. He was sitting on an empty beer keg with a rag and a bag of ice on his head. He has kind of long hair, so I bent over and lifted up his hair.
"John...?? I'm sooooo so so so sorry! Please forgive me! I didn't mean to knock you over! Are you ok???" I asked.
He looked up at me with a sheepish, drunken grin.
"Don't worry about it..." he said.
"Well...is there anything I can do for you? Do you need some water? I'll go get you some water." I immediately ran out and got him an Ozarka.
He was standing up when I got back.
"I'm so sorry John!" I hugged him. He kinda laughed.
"It's ok...really. I'm fine." he slurred.
"Well I owe you big! I'll buy you a steak dinner! Anything you want!"
"All you have to do...is watch the Harry Potter movies with me." he said deliriously.
"What? OK! Sure! We can watch all 5 of them! I'll give you all 5 of them!"
"No, you don't have to give me them. Just me and you. Watch them." he said. He clearly had stars in his eyes.
"Ok John. No problem." I felt a little better when I walked back to the bar. If he felt well enough to flirt with me, then he would eventually be fine. I offered to drive him home, since clearly he was in no shape to drive. Gavin and I went and picked up his car and put it in the parking lot. Then he and I helped John into the car.
"Call me if you get lost. I know how to get to his house." Gavin said, "You have my number, right?"
"Yea. I'll definitely give you a call if he passes out again." I said.
So I drove John home. It was a little strange under the circumstances. I tried to keep him talking so that he wouldn't pass out. He has a habit of doing that even when he hasn't hurt his head. When we got to his driveway I asked him if he needed help into the house.
"Sure, if you want." he said.
"Um...ok I'll help you." I felt responsible for him! And the last thing I wanted was for him to get all the way home, and then trip out my car door and crack his head on the curb!
So we got out of the car, and he seemed to be fine on his own, but he put his arm around me anyway. Then he started skipping. Yea! Skipping!
"Ok John, I guess you'll be fine on your own then. Just make sure you turn on the lights when you get inside so you don't trip." I teased.
"Do you have to work tomorrow?" he asked.
"Nope!"
"Well then do you wanna hang out a while?"
I sighed. "Not tonight. I can't cuz my parents are out of town, and I gotta feed all the animals and stuff."
"Ok, well goodnight Peyton."
"Goodnight John."
I wasn't lying about the parents being gone thing. They left for Florida yesterday. But as I drove off I started second guessing myself. Maybe I should have stayed? I dunno... I mean, I do like John, and he's a nice, smart guy (who tends to drink a little too much every once in a while, but who doesn't?) and he has a lot going for him. He's a good guy. But...he's not the guy for me. And I'm tired of wasting my time. And why should I waste his? Maybe I'm thinking too long term but, hey. What would be the point? I already know it wouldn't work out. Plus, I still get butterflies when I talk to Gavin. Especially today in the car. He gives really good hugs. ((blush))

Well...that's my story!
And I still have to watch 5 movies with John.

Mitch Of The Day:
"I don't like grouper fish. Well, they're okay. They hang around star fish. Because they're grouper fish."

Freaked Out Flight

So sorry to keep you guys waiting, but these past couple of weeks have been CrAzY!! In a good way though! I just got back from New York, and I have so much to blog about, but first, let me start with Florida.
It was so much fun being with all my cousins and family. We mostly just hung out at the hotel pool at night. So I didn't really go out on the town. But we did go to Disney World, Animal Kingdom and Universal Studios.

But, most importantly!!

Sophie is getting married.
Yea, married.
She's only 20 years old! ((Sigh)) I mean, her boyfriend (?) Brent is a really awesome guy, and I do think they're perfect for each other, but she's so young! And I don't want her to make the mistake that I almost made when I was her age. However, she said they're just getting married right now so they can join the Peace Corps together. They are such hippies! Lol. So they're not having a ceremony or anything, they're just going up to the courthouse. Which saddens me in a way because I don't want my sister to look back on her wedding day and wish she would have done more, ya know? Every girl deserves her big day. But Sophie has never been a very traditional person. Well, anyways, I'm still getting used to the idea of my sister getting married, as you can see. But I'm not going to chastise her, or tell her she's too young. I'm going to support her, just like she supported me before (even though it was a mistake!!) because she's my sister, and I love her.

My flight back to Texas was absolutely HORRIBLE.
I flew Southwest, which doesn't always assign seats. They have boarding groups. And of course, I was in the last group. So I just had to take whatever seat I could find. So I sat next to 2 young people, a guy around 16 to 18 and a girl, who looked like his older sister. I figured I was probably lucky to not be sitting next to a screaming baby, or a really fat person.
But I couldn't have been more wrong.
I had to sit by the window, and the boy next to me was a little on the chubby side, so I had no arm rest and he was kind of squishing me against the window. Well after about 20 minutes up in the air, he starts masturbating under his blanket!!! I mean, there was no doubt in my mind what he was doing because
A) I could see his arm moving under the blanket
B) He was pressed up against me and I could feel his arm moving
C) He kept trying to pull the blanket up over his right arm
D) He kept clenching and unclenching his left hand!
AAAAAACK!! It was so unnerving! I didn't know what to do!!
I mean I could have either told him to stop, and then continue sitting right next to him for another 3 hours of misery, or I could call a flight attendant and draw a bunch of attention to myself. Either way, I was f*cked. So I just turned up my music, put my left hand over my face and tried to read, however distracted I was.
Eventually he stopped, only to start up again like 30 minutes later!!!
When we finally got off the plane, I had half a nerve to slap him. I saw him standing at baggage claim and I gave him a dirty disgusted look. A look that said, "I know what you were doing, you crazy perverted, puberty-peaking, hormonal freak!"
I'm sure he got the message.

Melissa picked me up from the airport, and I told her all about it on the drive home. She said she would have hit the guy. Lol.

Well, I'm gonna get started on my New York adventures in my next post, but I just wanted to let you guys know I'm still here, and sorry to keep you waiting!

Mitch Of The Day:
"I didn't go to college, but if I did, I would have taken all my tests at a restaurant. Because the customer is always right."

One Crazy Night

Friday ended up being a total disaster! I mean, there were definitely fun moments, but overall...DISASTER.

I'll start from the beginning...
I was running late for some reason, I can't remember. Bethany and Jayme were already out and I was supposed to meet them at a club/lounge called Red Door. Also meeting up with us were Megan and Jenna. By the time I got to Red Door it was about 11:30 and they were ready to head somewhere else. Jayme's friend, Addy was in town from Austin and was also tagging along. The problem with that was, Addy is only 20. What the hell was Jayme thinking bringing an underage girl with us?! I mean that totally limits our options! So Bethany pulled me aside and basically said she wanted to ditch them. And both of us really wanted to stop by work for some free shots. But since Jayme works there too, it wouldn't be a good idea for us all to show up with a minor in tow.
Bethany explained to Jayme and Addy that some of her guy friends were meeting us at our bar, so we'd meet up with them afterwards. I texted Jenna and Megan to tell them the change of plans. So Bethany and I headed over there feeling very relieved!
Bethany's guy friends were already there, (I can't recall any of their names), and Megan and Jenna showed up shortly after we arrived. We had a couple rounds of shots on the house, and then decided to head over to Whiskey Creek. I saw John and Gavin too. They were both working. And for the record, Jenna thinks Gavin and I should date. ((sigh))
Anyways, when we got to Whiskey, we kind of split into 2 groups: me, Jenna, and Megan, and Bethany and her friends. For some reason, this pissed Jenna off and she kept making snide remarks like, "Your friends totally suck Peyton. I can't believe they're ignoring you." That got old pretty fast. I mean, I didn't feel like I was being ditched or anything because I was hangin' with my friends, and Bethany was with hers! Big deal! But Jenna didn't really see it that way I guess.
While we were waiting for drinks at the bar I started to scope the place out. The first person I saw was Eric The Skeaze. Seems I run into him everywhere these days! And he's always with a different girl! Ugh... The second person I saw was was me and Jenna's other cousin, Paul. This came as a big surprise because he recently got out of rehab...for cocaine addiction. He's pretty much the family scandal. But apparently, rehab "really changed him". Or so he says... He was with a date (he only dates Asian girls), but they both ended up latching onto our group. Around this time, Paul was leaning in to tell me something and his nose bumped my eye, and out popped my contact lense! That was when the night realllly started to go downhill.
Jayme and Addy showed up around the same time that Bethany and her gang disappeared. So we all decided to head down the street to Reef, where Hot Dereck works. Yes, that's what I'm calling him now. Hot, Unattainable, Bad For Me Dereck. ((sigh)) And sure enough, he was there, looking hot as ever. He bought us a round of shots, and I bought him a couple too. This was definitely the highlight of my night, seeing as the rest pretty much sucked. I was in a horrible mood when we got there! Jenna kept apologizing for her rude comments but then trying to justify them because she was "just looking out for me". Which, I understand, but nobody wants to be told that their friends suck. Especially by someone who doesn't even know them.
Anyways, I made Dereck smile for a couple pix while he was working. Heehee, and then I continued to look at them throughout the night. But we stayed at Dereck's bar until close and then headed back over to our work. Bethany called and asked if I could drive her over to Jayme's where her car was because Jayme and Addy were nowhere to be found. They came to Reef with us, but ducked out early. So we all met back up at our bar where they were closing everything down. We hung out for a little while, and then decided to go. I was gonna drive Megan to her car, when I noticed I locked my keys inside. Yup. As if my night couldn't get any more shitty. So I went back inside and asked all the guys if any of them were good with locked doors. Sure enough, Nick and Frank came to my rescue! And they actually managed to get it open in a matter of like...5 minutes! It was a miracle!!
((sigh))
So Jenna and Megan headed home and then I took Bethany to get her car. On the drive, we started chatting and decided to go eat at our favorite 24 hour cafe. We ended up staying there for a couple of hours just talking and sharing stories. It was fun!
So even though the night started bad, it ended ok.


Quick summary of last night: After work, Nick and I decided to stay for a couple of drinks and watch the Red Sox game. John and Valerie (one of the waitresses/bartenders) were there too. So we ended up staying for most of the night, and I ended up getting a bit tipsy, and THEN I ended up taking John home again, and spending the night. That turned out to be almost a carbon copy of the last time I stayed at his house... I'm still pondering on that subject...

Tomorrow morning I'm going to Austin!! Izzie and Shane got invitations to the Fall Out Boy AFTER PARTY!!! I'm soooo excited. Not really sure if the band will actually be there, but either way, I'm due for another trip to our state's great capital! So hopefully I'll have some good dish for you guys when I get back!

Mitch Of The Day:
"I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on the bus with no car."