So, there are a couple things I forgot to mention over the last couple weeks and I should probably jot them down quickly, just in case they are of any later importance.
1. The Model texted me over Thanksgiving asking if I was working. I didn't respond. I did, however, run into him a couple days later when I was out with Bethany. Our exchange was not initiated by me, and I made sure to keep it brief. Go me!
2. This past Saturday I went down to Galveston for a motorcycle rally with Alyssa and her boyfriend Russ. And I rode with John. Brandon was totally cool with it, of course, and I asked him before I agreed to go. John kind of just called me out of the blue, and asked if I wanted to ride with him. I told him I needed to check with Brandon first, just so the boundaries were clear, and he said that was fine. So Brandon was all for it and told me to have fun, so I went! And I did. It was only slightly awkward. Hehe.
3. I still have not seen Daniel, even once, since we broke up. And this past Saturday (same day as the motorcycle rally) was Russ's birthday. Alyssa set up a birthday dinner for him, and I told her that Brandon and I would both be there. And in the back of my mind, I knew that Daniel would be there. But we ended up not going because I got home so late from the rally, and Brandon had completely forgotten about the dinner, and neither of us were really prepared to go. Plus we both had to work, so we just chilled at home.
Confrontation avoided.
I think that's about it for playing catch up. Ummm...in other news, I've been really worried lately about my job, and my finances, and my lack of medical insurance. ((sigh)) I definitely need to go to the dentist, for one. I'm starting to get a toothache, which is not normal for me. Cuz I have good teeth! So I'm worried I might have a cavity or something, and I don't wanna end up with a root canal! I mean that's definitely worst case scenario, but still.... I'm paranoid. And the other thing is, Brandon's been talking lately about his job, and his 401k, and it's just made me realize that I'm so behind! I don't have a 401k! I can't even go to the freakin' dentist! I'm not set up for life at all! I need a job. A real job with paid vacation, and benefits, and opportunities. But I still have no clue what I wanna do, or what I have to offer. And it really sucks.
((Sigh))
At least my relationship is going well. Brandon is really great. When we got in that fight last week, he was just so apologetic, and sincere.... And I mean, he definitely has his flaws, but unlike all the other guys, he takes responsibility for his mistakes! He doesn't try to get away with anything. He's honest. He admits when he's wrong, and then he immediately tries to correct his mistakes. And I just love that about him.
Question: Sometimes he calls me "My Love" and I'm not really sure how to interpret that... Any ideas?
He's never told me he loves me, except once when he was wasted. And he made sure to include "as a person" at the end of it. Lol.
But I think I do love him. In fact I know I do. At least, I'm starting to. I'm not trying to rush things though, so I wanna make sure before I tell him. And it would be nice if he said it first.
((Sigh))
I just can't get enough of him. He's so...wonderful. I mean, I feel like I've won the boyfriend lottery!
Well, I'm about to pass out. My bed is calling...
Showing posts with label The Model. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Model. Show all posts
Monday, December 15, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
The Tank Is Almost on 'E'
Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I'm on the first flight to New Orleans. It's my grandparents' 50th Wedding Anniversary and the entire immediate family is going to NOLA for the weekend for a mini family reunion. Then Sunday morning, bright and early, I'm on the first flight back to Houston because we're having our summer staff outing. I can't remember if I mentioned this before, but Tuaca is hosting the party; we've got a double-decker boat on the lake, with a slide, caterers, and free alcohol all day! It's gonna be so much fun!! Everyone at work is really pumped about it.
Things in the boy department have been kinda slow. My guy from Austin, J, did text me again on Monday. He was at the airport and wanted my myspace info so we could still talk while he's in Germany, since obviously he won't be able to use his phone. I'm still being very cautious about everything though, and I'm not letting myself get my hopes up.
Rusty texted me this past Sunday as well, and wanted me to go see his show. Our conversation went something like this:
Rusty: Hey, what are you doing?
Me: I just got home from a movie. What's up?
Rusty: I'm playing a show tonight, you should come.
Me: Oh really? Where at?
Rusty: It's called _______, it's in Clear Lake.
Me: Yea I know where that is, but that's kind of a long drive...
Rusty: Where are you coming from, midtown?
Me: About 5 minutes from there
Rusty: That's only like 30 minutes
Me: True, but still a long drive
Rusty: But it'll be worth it
Me: Well, if you really wanna see me, you're just gonna have to call me one of these days ;)
Rusty: I will too
And that was that. I haven't heard from him since. I haven't heard from The Psycho either. Which is not only surprising, but a relief!
Oh! The Model is in town. And I'm doing a really good job of not thinking about him! In fact, I almost forgot to write about him! I saw him and Mitchell last Friday at my bar, of course. I gave them a round of shots and served their drinks. But they didn't even say goodbye to me, and I haven't seen or heard from them since then. And I'm very proud to say I'm not hurt, or upset, or really anything! Maybe I'm finally getting over The Model. I mean, I can't hope for too much, but that sure would be nice.
My Mom went to her doctor's appointment last week, and they found out that the lump in her breast is not a cyst. Cysts are often mistaken as cancer, so that would be the most obvious thing it could be. But since it's not that, it's either a fibroid, or cancer. And usually only old people get fibroids. ((sigh)) She has a mammogram next week, and possibly a biopsy. So I'm praying for her, and trying as hard as I can to be nice and supportive and all that. It's just that the relationship between my mother and I is complicated. I mean we get along for the most part, and of course I love my mom, but I can only stand her in small doses! It's like she is the only person who has the power to get under my skin in 5 minutes flat. And she thinks I've been stressed out lately, but really, I only get that way around her! We got into a fight last week about my dog. Obviously, she doesn't want me to get one. But I don't think I can stand the silence of this apartment for very much longer. And lucky me, because Oliver will be here next week!! NEXT WEEK!!! (Don't worry, I'll post lots of pix!)
Anyways, it's like Jenna said, parents always think they can tell you what to do, and that you have to listen, no matter how old you are. But I'm living alone now, and supporting myself, and I don't have to answer to anyone! What is so hard to understand about that?! This really is the last thing I should be thinking about right now. ((huff))
Moving on...
Alyssa and I sort of got into it the other day. On Monday, she came over to see my apartment, finally, and then I went with her to campus to take care of some school stuff. We hadn't hung out in a while, and I had talked to her about how I was feeling. And she agreed that she needed to be more present and make more of an effort in our friendship. Hence, hanging out on Monday. So anyways, we were having fun, talking and catching up, etc. Well, at some point, the conversation came to cheating boyfriends. And I was telling her about the different guys I've dated who have cheated on me. And of course, Daniel's name came up, in passing. Since, he did cheat on me! And Alyssa scoffs, "You and Daniel were only together for like a second! You weren't even like...boyfriend/girlfriend!"
"Yes we were!" I argued.
"Well, that's not what he said." She retorted.
I was about to say something back, but her phone rang, and she answered it. So instead, I was just sitting there thinking about how rude that was, and how pissed off I was.
I mean, who says that?! Even if it wasn't her brother we were talking about, you just don't say something like that to your friend! It's insensitive!
I decided to let it go, for the time being, but I found myself thinking about it again later, and I decided to text her.
"Do you really believe what Daniel said? I mean do you really believe we weren't together?"
She didn't respond, and I kind of forgot about it. That same night, I decided to drive to the North Side to stay with my Aunt and cousins for a couple days. I had 2 nights off, and I just wanted to get away. And I love hanging out with my cousins. They're so carefree and fun-loving. I went to work with my Aunt on Tuesday morning, and got a text back from Alyssa then.
"Peyton, don't be that girl."
"What girl? What are you talking about?"
"Don't sulk over Daniel. Don't be that girl who's all sad about it because it didn't work out." She said.
"I'm not sulking. Really. This isn't even about Daniel. I just feel like you're blowing the whole thing off like it's nothing. And it definitely was something. I mean I was with him 24/7, I practically lived at his apt! And he really, really hurt me. So it may seem like nothing to you, but it was definitely something to me."
"Well you just have to understand that I don't wanna hear about my brother and his relationships! I'm tired of the girls he dates affecting the relationship I have with him."
"I know that. And I don't think I've tried to talk to you about him. Not when we were dating, not when we broke up, or even now, really."
"Ok."
"It just kind of sucks that I feel like I can't say anything to you."
"Well, it's not just you Peyton. Or any of the more recent girls. This has been going on since he started dating! All his girlfriends feel the need to tell me about their problems! And I just don't want anything to do with it."
"Well I don't wanna talk to you, or anyone about Daniel. It's over. And I have nothing to say about it."
My Aunt noticed me texting, and told me to get to work, so before Alyssa could respond, I said, "I'm at work now. I can't text anymore."
She never wrote back.
I'm just really...hurt and kind of annoyed that she makes all of this stuff out to be about me and Daniel, when it's not! It's about me and her!
Alyssa and I haven't spoken since then. I mean, I stayed at my Aunt's for 2 days, and went straight to work when I came back. So I haven't had a lot of time to see or talk to anyone, but...this is not resolved, by any means. And I'm tired of having these disagreements with her. I just want it to be done with! I just want her to see things from my perspective, and know when she's hurting my feelings. There's no way she could comprehend the depth of hurt I was feeling when Daniel and I broke up. Because I didn't tell her. I didn't talk to her about it at all, because I knew she wouldn't want me to. and I do understand! He's her brother. She loves him. But that doesn't give her the right to assume that it meant nothing.
I wish she could just look at this from a nonbiased p.o.v. and realize that no matter who it is that breaks my heart, I just want my friends to be there to catch me when I fall. Not judge me. Not say "I told you so". Not belittle me, or make light of the situation. Just empathize.
Is that too much to ask?
I have a date on Monday with a guy (JD) I met on that dating website. We still haven't met in person, and it's been a month since I canceled my membership, but I've been so busy with moving and everything, that we're only just now getting to meet. He's tall, and really cute, and he has a motorcycle (hot!!), but again, not getting my hopes up. He friended me on myspace and the impression I got of him there, is that he's a really big flirt. And I'm not sure how well that's gonna go over. But who knows! At least he's actually taking me out on a real date! Maybe he'll be the man of my dreams and we'll fall madly in love while staring into each other's eyes over plates of pasta and glasses of wine and then we'll ride off into the sunset, on his motorcycle, and live happily ever after.
LMAO.
Things in the boy department have been kinda slow. My guy from Austin, J, did text me again on Monday. He was at the airport and wanted my myspace info so we could still talk while he's in Germany, since obviously he won't be able to use his phone. I'm still being very cautious about everything though, and I'm not letting myself get my hopes up.
Rusty texted me this past Sunday as well, and wanted me to go see his show. Our conversation went something like this:
Rusty: Hey, what are you doing?
Me: I just got home from a movie. What's up?
Rusty: I'm playing a show tonight, you should come.
Me: Oh really? Where at?
Rusty: It's called _______, it's in Clear Lake.
Me: Yea I know where that is, but that's kind of a long drive...
Rusty: Where are you coming from, midtown?
Me: About 5 minutes from there
Rusty: That's only like 30 minutes
Me: True, but still a long drive
Rusty: But it'll be worth it
Me: Well, if you really wanna see me, you're just gonna have to call me one of these days ;)
Rusty: I will too
And that was that. I haven't heard from him since. I haven't heard from The Psycho either. Which is not only surprising, but a relief!
Oh! The Model is in town. And I'm doing a really good job of not thinking about him! In fact, I almost forgot to write about him! I saw him and Mitchell last Friday at my bar, of course. I gave them a round of shots and served their drinks. But they didn't even say goodbye to me, and I haven't seen or heard from them since then. And I'm very proud to say I'm not hurt, or upset, or really anything! Maybe I'm finally getting over The Model. I mean, I can't hope for too much, but that sure would be nice.
My Mom went to her doctor's appointment last week, and they found out that the lump in her breast is not a cyst. Cysts are often mistaken as cancer, so that would be the most obvious thing it could be. But since it's not that, it's either a fibroid, or cancer. And usually only old people get fibroids. ((sigh)) She has a mammogram next week, and possibly a biopsy. So I'm praying for her, and trying as hard as I can to be nice and supportive and all that. It's just that the relationship between my mother and I is complicated. I mean we get along for the most part, and of course I love my mom, but I can only stand her in small doses! It's like she is the only person who has the power to get under my skin in 5 minutes flat. And she thinks I've been stressed out lately, but really, I only get that way around her! We got into a fight last week about my dog. Obviously, she doesn't want me to get one. But I don't think I can stand the silence of this apartment for very much longer. And lucky me, because Oliver will be here next week!! NEXT WEEK!!! (Don't worry, I'll post lots of pix!)
Anyways, it's like Jenna said, parents always think they can tell you what to do, and that you have to listen, no matter how old you are. But I'm living alone now, and supporting myself, and I don't have to answer to anyone! What is so hard to understand about that?! This really is the last thing I should be thinking about right now. ((huff))
Moving on...
Alyssa and I sort of got into it the other day. On Monday, she came over to see my apartment, finally, and then I went with her to campus to take care of some school stuff. We hadn't hung out in a while, and I had talked to her about how I was feeling. And she agreed that she needed to be more present and make more of an effort in our friendship. Hence, hanging out on Monday. So anyways, we were having fun, talking and catching up, etc. Well, at some point, the conversation came to cheating boyfriends. And I was telling her about the different guys I've dated who have cheated on me. And of course, Daniel's name came up, in passing. Since, he did cheat on me! And Alyssa scoffs, "You and Daniel were only together for like a second! You weren't even like...boyfriend/girlfriend!"
"Yes we were!" I argued.
"Well, that's not what he said." She retorted.
I was about to say something back, but her phone rang, and she answered it. So instead, I was just sitting there thinking about how rude that was, and how pissed off I was.
I mean, who says that?! Even if it wasn't her brother we were talking about, you just don't say something like that to your friend! It's insensitive!
I decided to let it go, for the time being, but I found myself thinking about it again later, and I decided to text her.
"Do you really believe what Daniel said? I mean do you really believe we weren't together?"
She didn't respond, and I kind of forgot about it. That same night, I decided to drive to the North Side to stay with my Aunt and cousins for a couple days. I had 2 nights off, and I just wanted to get away. And I love hanging out with my cousins. They're so carefree and fun-loving. I went to work with my Aunt on Tuesday morning, and got a text back from Alyssa then.
"Peyton, don't be that girl."
"What girl? What are you talking about?"
"Don't sulk over Daniel. Don't be that girl who's all sad about it because it didn't work out." She said.
"I'm not sulking. Really. This isn't even about Daniel. I just feel like you're blowing the whole thing off like it's nothing. And it definitely was something. I mean I was with him 24/7, I practically lived at his apt! And he really, really hurt me. So it may seem like nothing to you, but it was definitely something to me."
"Well you just have to understand that I don't wanna hear about my brother and his relationships! I'm tired of the girls he dates affecting the relationship I have with him."
"I know that. And I don't think I've tried to talk to you about him. Not when we were dating, not when we broke up, or even now, really."
"Ok."
"It just kind of sucks that I feel like I can't say anything to you."
"Well, it's not just you Peyton. Or any of the more recent girls. This has been going on since he started dating! All his girlfriends feel the need to tell me about their problems! And I just don't want anything to do with it."
"Well I don't wanna talk to you, or anyone about Daniel. It's over. And I have nothing to say about it."
My Aunt noticed me texting, and told me to get to work, so before Alyssa could respond, I said, "I'm at work now. I can't text anymore."
She never wrote back.
I'm just really...hurt and kind of annoyed that she makes all of this stuff out to be about me and Daniel, when it's not! It's about me and her!
Alyssa and I haven't spoken since then. I mean, I stayed at my Aunt's for 2 days, and went straight to work when I came back. So I haven't had a lot of time to see or talk to anyone, but...this is not resolved, by any means. And I'm tired of having these disagreements with her. I just want it to be done with! I just want her to see things from my perspective, and know when she's hurting my feelings. There's no way she could comprehend the depth of hurt I was feeling when Daniel and I broke up. Because I didn't tell her. I didn't talk to her about it at all, because I knew she wouldn't want me to. and I do understand! He's her brother. She loves him. But that doesn't give her the right to assume that it meant nothing.
I wish she could just look at this from a nonbiased p.o.v. and realize that no matter who it is that breaks my heart, I just want my friends to be there to catch me when I fall. Not judge me. Not say "I told you so". Not belittle me, or make light of the situation. Just empathize.
Is that too much to ask?
I have a date on Monday with a guy (JD) I met on that dating website. We still haven't met in person, and it's been a month since I canceled my membership, but I've been so busy with moving and everything, that we're only just now getting to meet. He's tall, and really cute, and he has a motorcycle (hot!!), but again, not getting my hopes up. He friended me on myspace and the impression I got of him there, is that he's a really big flirt. And I'm not sure how well that's gonna go over. But who knows! At least he's actually taking me out on a real date! Maybe he'll be the man of my dreams and we'll fall madly in love while staring into each other's eyes over plates of pasta and glasses of wine and then we'll ride off into the sunset, on his motorcycle, and live happily ever after.
LMAO.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Fourth of July Weekend
Ahhh it's been a long week. My Fourth of July kind of sucked... Alyssa and I were supposed to go out on the boat, but it rained the whole day. So we just bummed around her house for a few hours, before she had to go to ((wince)) Daniel's to visit her Dad. He was in town just for the weekend. She tried to convince me to go with her, but I was like "NO WAY!" As much as I still care about Daniel, I really don't think I can handle seeing him. Especially not in that kind of setting. So she called me from his house and put Delilah on the phone. I miss that little girl so much! She kept asking me when I was coming over, and telling me I was gonna miss the fireworks. ((sigh)) Why do these things always have to get so complicated and fucked up? It SUCKS!
Well, I met up with Alyssa in midtown later and we ate dinner. Then, after dinner, we discovered that Alyssa's car got towed! So I had to loan her the money and drive her over to the lot to get it. It was awful. Although we did get lots of free shots with our sob story. Lol.
Sunday, Bethany and I went up to Mr. P.'s lake house in Conroe with most of our coworkers. We had lots of fun and I got a pretty good tan! And I sure was exhausted after that trip.
Yesterday, Bethany, Tug and Evan and I went and saw Wall-E. I really liked it! It was so cute. Oh, and Evan's car got towed too!!! What is with this crap lately!? So I had to drive Evan to get his truck, but at least I didn't have to fork over another 200 dollars.
Anyways, today is the day I hear back from my new apartments about my application. I mean there's no reason why I shouldn't be approved, so why am I so nervous?!? Urgh.
Things with Baseball Guy are just not gonna work out. I saw him again yesterday when I was hanging out with Bethany and Tug, and I just...I'm not attracted to him. AT ALL. And I'm still totally and absolutely hung up on Daniel. Only The Model was able to distract my attention completely away from him. And it was just for a second!
Yep, that's right. The Model.
I saw Mitchell on Saturday night. He came into my bar, and we chatted for a minute. He said that The Model and he planned a short trip down to surprise their parents. And he said they would both be back August 10th, and "We need to all hang out!" Mitchell has already gone back to Atlanta, but The Model is still here till tomorrow night. NO, I haven't seen him, and I don't plan on it, because I'm sure he's with his family, and I certainly don't wanna call him. I mean I do, but I don't, ya know?? So I'm just gonna wait till August. But I'm not gonna lie, as soon as I found out he was in town, my heart went into overdrive. And I don't know if I'll be able to handle it come August.
Well, that's all for now, wish me luck with my apartment!!
Well, I met up with Alyssa in midtown later and we ate dinner. Then, after dinner, we discovered that Alyssa's car got towed! So I had to loan her the money and drive her over to the lot to get it. It was awful. Although we did get lots of free shots with our sob story. Lol.
Sunday, Bethany and I went up to Mr. P.'s lake house in Conroe with most of our coworkers. We had lots of fun and I got a pretty good tan! And I sure was exhausted after that trip.
Yesterday, Bethany, Tug and Evan and I went and saw Wall-E. I really liked it! It was so cute. Oh, and Evan's car got towed too!!! What is with this crap lately!? So I had to drive Evan to get his truck, but at least I didn't have to fork over another 200 dollars.
Anyways, today is the day I hear back from my new apartments about my application. I mean there's no reason why I shouldn't be approved, so why am I so nervous?!? Urgh.
Things with Baseball Guy are just not gonna work out. I saw him again yesterday when I was hanging out with Bethany and Tug, and I just...I'm not attracted to him. AT ALL. And I'm still totally and absolutely hung up on Daniel. Only The Model was able to distract my attention completely away from him. And it was just for a second!
Yep, that's right. The Model.
I saw Mitchell on Saturday night. He came into my bar, and we chatted for a minute. He said that The Model and he planned a short trip down to surprise their parents. And he said they would both be back August 10th, and "We need to all hang out!" Mitchell has already gone back to Atlanta, but The Model is still here till tomorrow night. NO, I haven't seen him, and I don't plan on it, because I'm sure he's with his family, and I certainly don't wanna call him. I mean I do, but I don't, ya know?? So I'm just gonna wait till August. But I'm not gonna lie, as soon as I found out he was in town, my heart went into overdrive. And I don't know if I'll be able to handle it come August.
Well, that's all for now, wish me luck with my apartment!!
Friday, February 8, 2008
Friend Boy, Jake and Vette Guy
I gave in and texted FB yesterday. I just don't want him to think that because of our conversation the other day, that I'm gonna go off and forget about him. So I wrote, "You know...I'm starting to miss you!"
About 4 hours later, he responded.
"We will hang out soon. I got a lot of responsibility right now. Hang in there."
Melissa didn't like that comment about me "hanging in there".
"As if you just...don't have a life?!" she said.
Lol.
Omg, he just texted me! Brb.
Ok he said, "Today is outrageously beautiful!"
I'm on the phone with Melissa right now and she said he must be thinking about me. I sure hope so! I'll text him back in a little while...
Last night at work, I parked my car over by the shot bar because I never get towed, and it's just a couple blocks over from my bar. As I was walking over, I saw Jake, the door guy, standing outside the shot bar. I was on the phone, but he said hi and came over to give me a hug. I got off the phone so I could talk to him for a little bit. I can't really tell for sure, but I think he may be interested in me. I'm just a little suspicious of his motives, you know since he was talking to Melissa.
So work was definitely great. Haha. Vette Guy came in. Yup, a blast from the past. And he just swaggered up to me and said, "Hey babe! How have you been?"
You know, like nothing ever happened between us. As if he didn't act like an immature asshat the last time I saw him. Anyways, I kinda gave him the eyebrow raise, told him I was fine
"You need a haircut!" I couldn't help but blurt out. He looked completely unkempt and ridiculous.
"Oh...yea well Dolce won't let me cut it, they want it long for this shoot..." I stopped listening at this point. He's so fucking full of it. I really wish The Model and he could meet, and that I could be there. So he would shut up about his stupid pathetic small-town runway gigs that he thinks make him the shit.
Anyways, then I asked him what he wanted to drink. Well it just so happened, that the barback had just stacked some clean glasses on my glass rack. And they were still wet. So I reached to pick one up and it slipped out of my hand and broke. No big deal, all of us bartenders break glasses all the time!
But Vette Guy goes, "Am I making you nervous??" with that sickeningly familiar smirk of his.
But before I could even respond, the blonde standing next to him said, "She should be making you nervous! She's way hotter than you are!"
I busted out laughing!
"I fucking love you!" I said to the girl, and I gave her a high five, and walked away in a fit of giggles. That totally made my night.
And just for the record, I don't know how I was ever into that guy! He's so completely juvenile! Ugh...thank god I didn't have to see him again for the rest of the night.
Well after work, while we were all counting money, Jake came over to my bar and pulled up a chair right next to me. I mean right next to me...touching me. Again, I was on the phone, with Bethany this time cuz she and Tugg were in a huge fight. Why do people always call me with their drama?? ((sigh)) That's what happens when you're a good listener I guess. Lol. Anyways, Jake and I ended up talking for the rest of the night, about work, school, etc. We both went to the same university, so it was nice to reminisce with him. Then I went to clock out, and I yelled, "Who wants to walk me to my car??" Because we never walk alone; it's dangerous.
"I will." Jake volunteered. Again...interested??
So he drove me over there actually, and it was a very short drive, so there wasn't much time for talk. But...I dunno. I haven't really been able to get him out of my head since. I mean, I think he's gorgeous for one. And secondly, all that stuff he told me on Superbowl Sunday about looking for a girlfriend... If that's true, would he really be just trying to play me? Maybe he just wants to be friends, but I dunno...I just get this vibe from him. It's a little too intense for friendship, ya know?
Well I know I'm gonna see him again at work tonight. Perhaps I'll park at the shot bar again just so I can see him. Omg I'm so horrible! AH! I just can't help but be intrigued. I mean if he and Melissa had never ended up talking, however brief that was, I probably would have pursued him. But then I met FB, and I do really like him, but he can't seem to give me the time of day! ((Sigh))
I'm meeting Melissa and her boyfriend for sushi tonight before work. I can't wait!! I freakin' love sushi. Well...that's all for now I suppose!
Demetri Of The Day:
“I saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and I thought, ‘That is cool.’ But then I saw another guy wearing a leather vest and I thought, ‘That is not cool’. Then I figured it out: ‘Cool’ is all about leather sleeves.”
About 4 hours later, he responded.
"We will hang out soon. I got a lot of responsibility right now. Hang in there."
Melissa didn't like that comment about me "hanging in there".
"As if you just...don't have a life?!" she said.
Lol.
Omg, he just texted me! Brb.
Ok he said, "Today is outrageously beautiful!"
I'm on the phone with Melissa right now and she said he must be thinking about me. I sure hope so! I'll text him back in a little while...
Last night at work, I parked my car over by the shot bar because I never get towed, and it's just a couple blocks over from my bar. As I was walking over, I saw Jake, the door guy, standing outside the shot bar. I was on the phone, but he said hi and came over to give me a hug. I got off the phone so I could talk to him for a little bit. I can't really tell for sure, but I think he may be interested in me. I'm just a little suspicious of his motives, you know since he was talking to Melissa.
So work was definitely great. Haha. Vette Guy came in. Yup, a blast from the past. And he just swaggered up to me and said, "Hey babe! How have you been?"
You know, like nothing ever happened between us. As if he didn't act like an immature asshat the last time I saw him. Anyways, I kinda gave him the eyebrow raise, told him I was fine
"You need a haircut!" I couldn't help but blurt out. He looked completely unkempt and ridiculous.
"Oh...yea well Dolce won't let me cut it, they want it long for this shoot..." I stopped listening at this point. He's so fucking full of it. I really wish The Model and he could meet, and that I could be there. So he would shut up about his stupid pathetic small-town runway gigs that he thinks make him the shit.
Anyways, then I asked him what he wanted to drink. Well it just so happened, that the barback had just stacked some clean glasses on my glass rack. And they were still wet. So I reached to pick one up and it slipped out of my hand and broke. No big deal, all of us bartenders break glasses all the time!
But Vette Guy goes, "Am I making you nervous??" with that sickeningly familiar smirk of his.
But before I could even respond, the blonde standing next to him said, "She should be making you nervous! She's way hotter than you are!"
I busted out laughing!
"I fucking love you!" I said to the girl, and I gave her a high five, and walked away in a fit of giggles. That totally made my night.
And just for the record, I don't know how I was ever into that guy! He's so completely juvenile! Ugh...thank god I didn't have to see him again for the rest of the night.
Well after work, while we were all counting money, Jake came over to my bar and pulled up a chair right next to me. I mean right next to me...touching me. Again, I was on the phone, with Bethany this time cuz she and Tugg were in a huge fight. Why do people always call me with their drama?? ((sigh)) That's what happens when you're a good listener I guess. Lol. Anyways, Jake and I ended up talking for the rest of the night, about work, school, etc. We both went to the same university, so it was nice to reminisce with him. Then I went to clock out, and I yelled, "Who wants to walk me to my car??" Because we never walk alone; it's dangerous.
"I will." Jake volunteered. Again...interested??
So he drove me over there actually, and it was a very short drive, so there wasn't much time for talk. But...I dunno. I haven't really been able to get him out of my head since. I mean, I think he's gorgeous for one. And secondly, all that stuff he told me on Superbowl Sunday about looking for a girlfriend... If that's true, would he really be just trying to play me? Maybe he just wants to be friends, but I dunno...I just get this vibe from him. It's a little too intense for friendship, ya know?
Well I know I'm gonna see him again at work tonight. Perhaps I'll park at the shot bar again just so I can see him. Omg I'm so horrible! AH! I just can't help but be intrigued. I mean if he and Melissa had never ended up talking, however brief that was, I probably would have pursued him. But then I met FB, and I do really like him, but he can't seem to give me the time of day! ((Sigh))
I'm meeting Melissa and her boyfriend for sushi tonight before work. I can't wait!! I freakin' love sushi. Well...that's all for now I suppose!
Demetri Of The Day:
“I saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and I thought, ‘That is cool.’ But then I saw another guy wearing a leather vest and I thought, ‘That is not cool’. Then I figured it out: ‘Cool’ is all about leather sleeves.”
Sunday, January 6, 2008
The Accident
Ok I just got home from work, and I have to write about this now because by morning, the details will be fuzzy!
Well first, let me start off by saying, the photoshoot this morning went great! I got a lot of really awesome shots, and I know we'll both be happy with them. It was fun too!
Ok, now before I can get to the real story, I have to tell you guys what happened last night. I was in a pretty good mood at work, just doing my thing and having a good time. And in pops The Model. Of course. He always has to show up and ruin my night!! Well, he and his friend ordered a round of drinks, and when they came back for round 2, I said, "Do you guys want shots?" And I gestured as if to take a shot, because I was trying to talk to them over a loud crowd, and usually body language helps. But The Model shook his head and made a face.
"Oh come on!" I teased him, "Don't be a wimp!"
The Model shook his head, "You're a lush!" he said with a huge stupid grin on his face.
"What?!" I said. It took me a second to actually understand him.
"You're a lush!" He repeated. At first, I just thought he meant because I take shots with my favorite customers, as do all the other bartenders. But then I realized what he was really implying, and it started to piss me off.
"If I'm a lush, then you're a lush!" I retorted.
But he just shook his head as if to say "no way".
"It's not like I was trying to get you to buy me a shot!" I clarified. He never got a chance to respond because I got called away. But the more I thought about what he said, the madder I got. Where does he come off saying that to me!? I mean how many times have I hooked him up with free drinks?! What the hell do I need him to buy me shit for?! I work there! If I really wanted to get fucked up on the job, it wouldn't be that hard. Oh, I was so mad!
"He's an asshole, I don't know why you even still talk to the guy." Nick said after I vented to him about what happened.
"Well...I don't know either! But I can't help myself!"
Later, The Model's friend came back and said anytime I wanted a shot, he'd take one with me.
"Well, I was offering to buy you guys a shot, not suggesting you buy me one. Why does (The Model) have to be a dick about it??"
"I dunno...because he's Princess [insert The Model's name here]!" he answered.
I laughed, "Wow, I think I might actually use that one."
Ugh. So I was pissed about that for most of the rest of the night, until he left.
Then tonight at work, everything was going along like usual, except that I was keeping my eyes peeled for The Model. But he never showed, thank God. Anyways, John came in around 1 am, totally obliviated! I mean really...he was so drunk. However, I didn't realize this right off the bat, because he puts on a pretty good front. But when I went to go talk to him, I teasingly gave him a push on the shoulder, and he fell over backwards and hit his head on a stool!!! Mr. S. had to call the paramedics because his head was bleeding everywhere! It was terrible! For about 15 minutes, I felt so horrible... I mean I thought I'd killed John! The look on his face when we helped him up and Mr. S. dragged him into the back room... It wasn't good. And I just had to go back behind the bar and keep working! But I couldn't concentrate on anything else, and I was so worried about him, and I just felt so bad! Finally we turned on the lights for last call, and I ran into the back to see how he was doing. He was sitting on an empty beer keg with a rag and a bag of ice on his head. He has kind of long hair, so I bent over and lifted up his hair.
"John...?? I'm sooooo so so so sorry! Please forgive me! I didn't mean to knock you over! Are you ok???" I asked.
He looked up at me with a sheepish, drunken grin.
"Don't worry about it..." he said.
"Well...is there anything I can do for you? Do you need some water? I'll go get you some water." I immediately ran out and got him an Ozarka.
He was standing up when I got back.
"I'm so sorry John!" I hugged him. He kinda laughed.
"It's ok...really. I'm fine." he slurred.
"Well I owe you big! I'll buy you a steak dinner! Anything you want!"
"All you have to do...is watch the Harry Potter movies with me." he said deliriously.
"What? OK! Sure! We can watch all 5 of them! I'll give you all 5 of them!"
"No, you don't have to give me them. Just me and you. Watch them." he said. He clearly had stars in his eyes.
"Ok John. No problem." I felt a little better when I walked back to the bar. If he felt well enough to flirt with me, then he would eventually be fine. I offered to drive him home, since clearly he was in no shape to drive. Gavin and I went and picked up his car and put it in the parking lot. Then he and I helped John into the car.
"Call me if you get lost. I know how to get to his house." Gavin said, "You have my number, right?"
"Yea. I'll definitely give you a call if he passes out again." I said.
So I drove John home. It was a little strange under the circumstances. I tried to keep him talking so that he wouldn't pass out. He has a habit of doing that even when he hasn't hurt his head. When we got to his driveway I asked him if he needed help into the house.
"Sure, if you want." he said.
"Um...ok I'll help you." I felt responsible for him! And the last thing I wanted was for him to get all the way home, and then trip out my car door and crack his head on the curb!
So we got out of the car, and he seemed to be fine on his own, but he put his arm around me anyway. Then he started skipping. Yea! Skipping!
"Ok John, I guess you'll be fine on your own then. Just make sure you turn on the lights when you get inside so you don't trip." I teased.
"Do you have to work tomorrow?" he asked.
"Nope!"
"Well then do you wanna hang out a while?"
I sighed. "Not tonight. I can't cuz my parents are out of town, and I gotta feed all the animals and stuff."
"Ok, well goodnight Peyton."
"Goodnight John."
I wasn't lying about the parents being gone thing. They left for Florida yesterday. But as I drove off I started second guessing myself. Maybe I should have stayed? I dunno... I mean, I do like John, and he's a nice, smart guy (who tends to drink a little too much every once in a while, but who doesn't?) and he has a lot going for him. He's a good guy. But...he's not the guy for me. And I'm tired of wasting my time. And why should I waste his? Maybe I'm thinking too long term but, hey. What would be the point? I already know it wouldn't work out. Plus, I still get butterflies when I talk to Gavin. Especially today in the car. He gives really good hugs. ((blush))
Well...that's my story!
And I still have to watch 5 movies with John.
Mitch Of The Day:
"I don't like grouper fish. Well, they're okay. They hang around star fish. Because they're grouper fish."
Well first, let me start off by saying, the photoshoot this morning went great! I got a lot of really awesome shots, and I know we'll both be happy with them. It was fun too!
Ok, now before I can get to the real story, I have to tell you guys what happened last night. I was in a pretty good mood at work, just doing my thing and having a good time. And in pops The Model. Of course. He always has to show up and ruin my night!! Well, he and his friend ordered a round of drinks, and when they came back for round 2, I said, "Do you guys want shots?" And I gestured as if to take a shot, because I was trying to talk to them over a loud crowd, and usually body language helps. But The Model shook his head and made a face.
"Oh come on!" I teased him, "Don't be a wimp!"
The Model shook his head, "You're a lush!" he said with a huge stupid grin on his face.
"What?!" I said. It took me a second to actually understand him.
"You're a lush!" He repeated. At first, I just thought he meant because I take shots with my favorite customers, as do all the other bartenders. But then I realized what he was really implying, and it started to piss me off.
"If I'm a lush, then you're a lush!" I retorted.
But he just shook his head as if to say "no way".
"It's not like I was trying to get you to buy me a shot!" I clarified. He never got a chance to respond because I got called away. But the more I thought about what he said, the madder I got. Where does he come off saying that to me!? I mean how many times have I hooked him up with free drinks?! What the hell do I need him to buy me shit for?! I work there! If I really wanted to get fucked up on the job, it wouldn't be that hard. Oh, I was so mad!
"He's an asshole, I don't know why you even still talk to the guy." Nick said after I vented to him about what happened.
"Well...I don't know either! But I can't help myself!"
Later, The Model's friend came back and said anytime I wanted a shot, he'd take one with me.
"Well, I was offering to buy you guys a shot, not suggesting you buy me one. Why does (The Model) have to be a dick about it??"
"I dunno...because he's Princess [insert The Model's name here]!" he answered.
I laughed, "Wow, I think I might actually use that one."
Ugh. So I was pissed about that for most of the rest of the night, until he left.
Then tonight at work, everything was going along like usual, except that I was keeping my eyes peeled for The Model. But he never showed, thank God. Anyways, John came in around 1 am, totally obliviated! I mean really...he was so drunk. However, I didn't realize this right off the bat, because he puts on a pretty good front. But when I went to go talk to him, I teasingly gave him a push on the shoulder, and he fell over backwards and hit his head on a stool!!! Mr. S. had to call the paramedics because his head was bleeding everywhere! It was terrible! For about 15 minutes, I felt so horrible... I mean I thought I'd killed John! The look on his face when we helped him up and Mr. S. dragged him into the back room... It wasn't good. And I just had to go back behind the bar and keep working! But I couldn't concentrate on anything else, and I was so worried about him, and I just felt so bad! Finally we turned on the lights for last call, and I ran into the back to see how he was doing. He was sitting on an empty beer keg with a rag and a bag of ice on his head. He has kind of long hair, so I bent over and lifted up his hair.
"John...?? I'm sooooo so so so sorry! Please forgive me! I didn't mean to knock you over! Are you ok???" I asked.
He looked up at me with a sheepish, drunken grin.
"Don't worry about it..." he said.
"Well...is there anything I can do for you? Do you need some water? I'll go get you some water." I immediately ran out and got him an Ozarka.
He was standing up when I got back.
"I'm so sorry John!" I hugged him. He kinda laughed.
"It's ok...really. I'm fine." he slurred.
"Well I owe you big! I'll buy you a steak dinner! Anything you want!"
"All you have to do...is watch the Harry Potter movies with me." he said deliriously.
"What? OK! Sure! We can watch all 5 of them! I'll give you all 5 of them!"
"No, you don't have to give me them. Just me and you. Watch them." he said. He clearly had stars in his eyes.
"Ok John. No problem." I felt a little better when I walked back to the bar. If he felt well enough to flirt with me, then he would eventually be fine. I offered to drive him home, since clearly he was in no shape to drive. Gavin and I went and picked up his car and put it in the parking lot. Then he and I helped John into the car.
"Call me if you get lost. I know how to get to his house." Gavin said, "You have my number, right?"
"Yea. I'll definitely give you a call if he passes out again." I said.
So I drove John home. It was a little strange under the circumstances. I tried to keep him talking so that he wouldn't pass out. He has a habit of doing that even when he hasn't hurt his head. When we got to his driveway I asked him if he needed help into the house.
"Sure, if you want." he said.
"Um...ok I'll help you." I felt responsible for him! And the last thing I wanted was for him to get all the way home, and then trip out my car door and crack his head on the curb!
So we got out of the car, and he seemed to be fine on his own, but he put his arm around me anyway. Then he started skipping. Yea! Skipping!
"Ok John, I guess you'll be fine on your own then. Just make sure you turn on the lights when you get inside so you don't trip." I teased.
"Do you have to work tomorrow?" he asked.
"Nope!"
"Well then do you wanna hang out a while?"
I sighed. "Not tonight. I can't cuz my parents are out of town, and I gotta feed all the animals and stuff."
"Ok, well goodnight Peyton."
"Goodnight John."
I wasn't lying about the parents being gone thing. They left for Florida yesterday. But as I drove off I started second guessing myself. Maybe I should have stayed? I dunno... I mean, I do like John, and he's a nice, smart guy (who tends to drink a little too much every once in a while, but who doesn't?) and he has a lot going for him. He's a good guy. But...he's not the guy for me. And I'm tired of wasting my time. And why should I waste his? Maybe I'm thinking too long term but, hey. What would be the point? I already know it wouldn't work out. Plus, I still get butterflies when I talk to Gavin. Especially today in the car. He gives really good hugs. ((blush))
Well...that's my story!
And I still have to watch 5 movies with John.
Mitch Of The Day:
"I don't like grouper fish. Well, they're okay. They hang around star fish. Because they're grouper fish."
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Get A Date in 2008
New Years Eve was bittersweet. Melissa and I went shopping for outfits that morning, but then she came down with a fever and had to go home! So I was worried she wasn't going to make it out! She also confessed to me while we were shopping, that Jake, the new door guy, asked for her number, and she gave it to him!
"Are you mad?? I'm so sorry! I know you think he's hot! I was wasted!"
"No, I don't care..."
I said that because it was my first reaction, and because my mind was a bit preoccupied with The Model, but later I realized, I DO care! That sucks! How come all the guys I'm interested in are never interested in me?! But it's not Melissa's fault she's so likeable. ((sigh)) Anyways, I found a really pretty black sequined halter to wear to work.
When I got home from shopping, my mom said she and my aunt Jessica wanna set me up with my 14-year-old cousin, Noelle's, riding instructor's son. (That's a mouthful, I know!) But apparently he's 27, he has a good job, he rides horses, he's really hot, and he speaks French! He's tall with wavy black hair...sounds dreamy! Only problem is, they live in Louisiana! But Jessica says he works out of Houston, so we'll see. I told them to commence with the set up. What have I got to lose??
Well, I spent the next few hours showering, getting ready and fixing my hair. I was almost late for work because I took so long! When I got there, Melissa, Amanda and them were already there, and they stuck me in the back bar, which sucked! Lately they've been putting me up front, now that I have more seniority, and I guess I've proven myself. So I hate going back in the other bar. It's stuffy and small, and you can't see anyone! So my night started off pretty crappy. Plus, there was no sign of The Model. But after about an hour and half, they sent me back up to the front! So that was a turn for the best! Once I got up there, it was about 11, and I took several shots! Management was being a lot more lenient on our drinking since it was a holiday, and all the employees were drinking! Ali and I were working side by side, and she and I have started to become friends! She likes working with me up front cuz she says I'm the only one who can keep up. :)
So we had a pretty good time. Then, as midnight started to creep up, I began to get anxious. There was still no sign of The Model!
Nick told me that if he saw him kissing another girl, he'd punch him in his face. I told him he would do no such thing! But he said he just doesn't wanna see me cry. Awwe! That is probably the sweetest thing he's ever said to me.
Well, midnight came and went...no Model, no kiss.
My night went back to being shitty. And it was so insanely busy, that we ran out of well vodka, Absolut vodka (which is our call), and all our glasswear! It was absolute chaos!! So I was trying to get caught up making waitress tickets, and serving shots in pint glasses, when I looked up and there he was, in all his beauty and magnificence!
"Hey Peyton!"
I flushed immediately, partly cuz of the alcohol, and partly cuz of the way he looked at me.
"Oh..." I stammered, "Hey! Where have you guys been!"
"We were hanging out with the family for a little bit."
I made The Model and Mitchell some shots, which we all took, and the night got a little better. ;)
I kept a closer watch on him than I should have probably, to see if he was with any girls, but I didn't notice any. Still no New Years Kiss for me though. :(
The rest of the night was rather monotonous. Most of the employees were drunk by the end of the night. We made really good money though. I went home feeling placated, but lonely. ((sigh)) And I'm pretty sure The Model has already gone back to New York.
Well at least he didn't do anything to piss me off.
I'm really excited about my photoshoot with Amy this Saturday! Amanda is letting us use her room because she's got a great bedroom set! I've been looking at boudoir pics all week to get ideas. I want them to be kind of like 50's pin-up style; tasteful, but sexy.
Well, I guess what I need to start focusing on now is finding a job, and getting a date! Any suggestions?
Mitch Of The Day:
"I saw a billboard for the lottery. It said, "Estimated lottery jackpot 55 million dollars." I did not know that was estimated. That would suck if you won and they said, "Oh, we were off by two zeroes. We estimate that you are angry.'"
"Are you mad?? I'm so sorry! I know you think he's hot! I was wasted!"
"No, I don't care..."
I said that because it was my first reaction, and because my mind was a bit preoccupied with The Model, but later I realized, I DO care! That sucks! How come all the guys I'm interested in are never interested in me?! But it's not Melissa's fault she's so likeable. ((sigh)) Anyways, I found a really pretty black sequined halter to wear to work.
When I got home from shopping, my mom said she and my aunt Jessica wanna set me up with my 14-year-old cousin, Noelle's, riding instructor's son. (That's a mouthful, I know!) But apparently he's 27, he has a good job, he rides horses, he's really hot, and he speaks French! He's tall with wavy black hair...sounds dreamy! Only problem is, they live in Louisiana! But Jessica says he works out of Houston, so we'll see. I told them to commence with the set up. What have I got to lose??
Well, I spent the next few hours showering, getting ready and fixing my hair. I was almost late for work because I took so long! When I got there, Melissa, Amanda and them were already there, and they stuck me in the back bar, which sucked! Lately they've been putting me up front, now that I have more seniority, and I guess I've proven myself. So I hate going back in the other bar. It's stuffy and small, and you can't see anyone! So my night started off pretty crappy. Plus, there was no sign of The Model. But after about an hour and half, they sent me back up to the front! So that was a turn for the best! Once I got up there, it was about 11, and I took several shots! Management was being a lot more lenient on our drinking since it was a holiday, and all the employees were drinking! Ali and I were working side by side, and she and I have started to become friends! She likes working with me up front cuz she says I'm the only one who can keep up. :)
So we had a pretty good time. Then, as midnight started to creep up, I began to get anxious. There was still no sign of The Model!
Nick told me that if he saw him kissing another girl, he'd punch him in his face. I told him he would do no such thing! But he said he just doesn't wanna see me cry. Awwe! That is probably the sweetest thing he's ever said to me.
Well, midnight came and went...no Model, no kiss.
My night went back to being shitty. And it was so insanely busy, that we ran out of well vodka, Absolut vodka (which is our call), and all our glasswear! It was absolute chaos!! So I was trying to get caught up making waitress tickets, and serving shots in pint glasses, when I looked up and there he was, in all his beauty and magnificence!
"Hey Peyton!"
I flushed immediately, partly cuz of the alcohol, and partly cuz of the way he looked at me.
"Oh..." I stammered, "Hey! Where have you guys been!"
"We were hanging out with the family for a little bit."
I made The Model and Mitchell some shots, which we all took, and the night got a little better. ;)
I kept a closer watch on him than I should have probably, to see if he was with any girls, but I didn't notice any. Still no New Years Kiss for me though. :(
The rest of the night was rather monotonous. Most of the employees were drunk by the end of the night. We made really good money though. I went home feeling placated, but lonely. ((sigh)) And I'm pretty sure The Model has already gone back to New York.
Well at least he didn't do anything to piss me off.
I'm really excited about my photoshoot with Amy this Saturday! Amanda is letting us use her room because she's got a great bedroom set! I've been looking at boudoir pics all week to get ideas. I want them to be kind of like 50's pin-up style; tasteful, but sexy.
Well, I guess what I need to start focusing on now is finding a job, and getting a date! Any suggestions?
Mitch Of The Day:
"I saw a billboard for the lottery. It said, "Estimated lottery jackpot 55 million dollars." I did not know that was estimated. That would suck if you won and they said, "Oh, we were off by two zeroes. We estimate that you are angry.'"
Saturday, December 29, 2007
10 Feet Off The Ground
Bethany and I went out again on Thursday, the day after the shot bar opened. We headed over there again, and of course at work. Melissa and the girls were out too, and Izzie, Megan and their husbands were out. So I spent a good hour trying to split myself between 3 groups of friends, which was hard! But Izzie and them turned in early, so then it was just Bethany and Melissa. One too many people came up to me and laughed about my drunken antics from the night before.
I apparently walked up to the hot new door guy, Jake, and told him how hot I thought he was. Lol. A number of people also came up to me and told me how nice Todd was, and not to screw it up. As if there were anything to screw up... ((sigh) I wish!
After a few drinks at the shot bar, we headed back over to work and guess who was there!?
If you guessed The Model and Mitchell, then you're right. He gave me a hug, and was super nice to me of course, we snapped a couple pictures...he cut all his hair off by the way, and still looks as gorgeous as ever. I think he was kinda drunk though, because first he jokingly said something about my boobs, and how nice they are. And I'm not gonna lie, I'm a 34D, and they are nice! Haha, but then he said, "She's got a great ass too! Hey, once you've been on the rollercoaster, you know where the turns are!" and he and Mitchell laughed. WTF?! I've never heard him say things like that! Weird...
"So when are you gonna come to New York and be a model, Peyton?" he asked.
"Yea right!" I said, "I was just in New York, and I didn't hear from you!"
"What?! When!? Why didn't you tell me you were coming?!"
"I did! I sent you a myspace message telling you when we were gonna be there!"
"Well when were you there?"
"November 28 through December 2." I replied.
"Ooohhh...well I was doing a shoot in Costa Rica. But man! I wish I would known you were coming! I would have taken you snowboarding!"
"Yea well...maybe next time."
Damn. It' probably better I didn't see him when we were there though. And why does he always have to make those comments about me modeling!? He's way too practiced at saying things that make girls swoon. Well it's not going to work on me! Bethany and I headed back over to the shot bar soon after to close our tabs. It felt nice to walk away from him for once, and not look back.
Then last, at work, they were there again! I gave them invites to the New Years thing. Mitchell said they'd be there. I'm really nervous though. Because this could mean one of 2 things. Number one, The Model will kiss some chick right in front of me at midnight, and my New Years will totally suck, or number two, The Model will kiss me at midnight and my New Years will be the best ever!! But I'm sure that's just wishful thinking... How does one beautiful boy have so much power over me?
Mitch Of The Day:
"I find that a duck's opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread. A duck loves bread, but he does not have the capability to buy a loaf. That's the biggest joke on the duck ever. If I worked at a convenience store, and a duck came in and stole a loaf of bread, I would let him go. I'd say, "Come back tomorrow, bring your friends!" When I think of a duck's friends, I think of other ducks. But he could have, say, a beaver in tow."
I apparently walked up to the hot new door guy, Jake, and told him how hot I thought he was. Lol. A number of people also came up to me and told me how nice Todd was, and not to screw it up. As if there were anything to screw up... ((sigh) I wish!
After a few drinks at the shot bar, we headed back over to work and guess who was there!?
If you guessed The Model and Mitchell, then you're right. He gave me a hug, and was super nice to me of course, we snapped a couple pictures...he cut all his hair off by the way, and still looks as gorgeous as ever. I think he was kinda drunk though, because first he jokingly said something about my boobs, and how nice they are. And I'm not gonna lie, I'm a 34D, and they are nice! Haha, but then he said, "She's got a great ass too! Hey, once you've been on the rollercoaster, you know where the turns are!" and he and Mitchell laughed. WTF?! I've never heard him say things like that! Weird...
"So when are you gonna come to New York and be a model, Peyton?" he asked.
"Yea right!" I said, "I was just in New York, and I didn't hear from you!"
"What?! When!? Why didn't you tell me you were coming?!"
"I did! I sent you a myspace message telling you when we were gonna be there!"
"Well when were you there?"
"November 28 through December 2." I replied.
"Ooohhh...well I was doing a shoot in Costa Rica. But man! I wish I would known you were coming! I would have taken you snowboarding!"
"Yea well...maybe next time."
Damn. It' probably better I didn't see him when we were there though. And why does he always have to make those comments about me modeling!? He's way too practiced at saying things that make girls swoon. Well it's not going to work on me! Bethany and I headed back over to the shot bar soon after to close our tabs. It felt nice to walk away from him for once, and not look back.
Then last, at work, they were there again! I gave them invites to the New Years thing. Mitchell said they'd be there. I'm really nervous though. Because this could mean one of 2 things. Number one, The Model will kiss some chick right in front of me at midnight, and my New Years will totally suck, or number two, The Model will kiss me at midnight and my New Years will be the best ever!! But I'm sure that's just wishful thinking... How does one beautiful boy have so much power over me?
Mitch Of The Day:
"I find that a duck's opinion of me is influenced by whether or not I have bread. A duck loves bread, but he does not have the capability to buy a loaf. That's the biggest joke on the duck ever. If I worked at a convenience store, and a duck came in and stole a loaf of bread, I would let him go. I'd say, "Come back tomorrow, bring your friends!" When I think of a duck's friends, I think of other ducks. But he could have, say, a beaver in tow."
Thursday, December 27, 2007
Grand Opening!
YAY for Christmas!!
Sophie got here on Christmas Eve, which I had to work, so that kinda sucked... The other thing that I'd been feeling apprehensive about lately was The Model. I knew he was going to be in town, and Melissa said Mitchell had texted her and said they'd be going up to my work at some point.
But Christmas Day was nice! And I finally got my own CAMERA! Like a really nice Sony SLR. I'm so excited! ANNNNND, Jenna's sister, Amy, saw the pics I took of Jenna in our photoshoot, and now Amy wants me to do a boudoir shoot of her as a wedding present to her fiance! So that's gonna be exciting! I may actually be able to get this business off the ground!
So in other news, I took Sophie out to midtown Christmas night for her late 21st birthday celebration. She just turned 21 on the 22nd. Melissa and the gang met up, and we had an awesome time! We just hung out at my bar mostly because they were the only place that was open. But I managed to get Sophie drunk, so it was a success!
Unfortunately, Sophie was only here for 3 days, and she left yesterday afternoon, so that was kind of a bummer. We spend the day after Christmas at Todd's family's house. They're English and we always have a traditional Boxing Day celebration at their house. Everyone rewraps a goofy present and brings it to exchange. It's really fun. And I haven't really gotten to hang out with Todd much cuz he's been gone at school. He's on the football team and he's definitely going to be drafted into the NFL! He's set all kinds of records this year. I'm so proud of him! So while we were there, I invited Todd to come out with me to the grand opening of my works new bar. They've been working on this new shot bar for months, and The Albanian is the general manager. So of course, everyone from work was gonna be at the grand opening! So Todd said he would come!
So a few hours later, I was in my favorite white tube top, which I tied a festive red ribbon around the waste, and we were ready! Todd picked me up in his brand new red BMW. SOOO nice...
And the shot bar is freakin' awesome! It's like a new home away from home! Same people, same owners, just a different location! I love it! And I don't think I spent a penny all night! My cousin Paul, and Melissa met us up too that night. Paul was acting very strangely though...he kinda had me worried cuz of his recent stint in rehab for concaine. But anyways, I got soooooo hammered!
And I have to add that Mr. P. is like one of the sexiest men EVER! But the thing that really sticks out in my mind about that night, is how well Todd took care of me. I ended up getting so drunk, I puked in the bathroom, and confessed my undying love for Todd to Alyssa. At least I can trust her!
But...I mean, it's kind of true. Todd has always been one of my best friends, and he's such a great guy. I love him to death! AND he meets all of my standards: tall, attractive, smart, kind, he has everything going for him...
Except that he's not single. ((sigh)) What is it with me always wanting the guys I can't have?? Do I just like to torchure myself or something? ((sigh))
I've been harboring these feelings for Todd for quite some time now, but I've just been in denial about it because...well number one, he has a girlfriend who I really like! And obviously he loves her. And number 2, if they break up, I dunno what to do! I mean, I don't know how to be anything other than his friend! And it's not like I can be my usual forward self with him. I mean, like the way I am with guys I'm crushing on. Grrr this is so frustrating! I can hardly wrap my head around it.
Moving on...
Ok I'm not sure if I mentioned this before or not, but Sophie is getting married! Yea, married. January 8th. Because she and Brent are hippies and they're joining the Peace Corps, and in order to go together they have to be married for 6 months beforehand. So they're having an anti-ceremony in just a few days. Of course I'm gonna go! So I'll be in Florida for about a week in January. It seems so crazy, right!?
Ok, and New Years Eve? I have to work. And it's gonna suck. Although I did give invites to Jenna, Melissa, Charlotte, Mackenzie, and Amanda. I dunno, maybe it'll be fun. We'll see...
Mitch Of The Day:
"I've got a wallet, it's orange. In case I wanna buy a deer. That doesn't make any sense at all."
Sophie got here on Christmas Eve, which I had to work, so that kinda sucked... The other thing that I'd been feeling apprehensive about lately was The Model. I knew he was going to be in town, and Melissa said Mitchell had texted her and said they'd be going up to my work at some point.
But Christmas Day was nice! And I finally got my own CAMERA! Like a really nice Sony SLR. I'm so excited! ANNNNND, Jenna's sister, Amy, saw the pics I took of Jenna in our photoshoot, and now Amy wants me to do a boudoir shoot of her as a wedding present to her fiance! So that's gonna be exciting! I may actually be able to get this business off the ground!
So in other news, I took Sophie out to midtown Christmas night for her late 21st birthday celebration. She just turned 21 on the 22nd. Melissa and the gang met up, and we had an awesome time! We just hung out at my bar mostly because they were the only place that was open. But I managed to get Sophie drunk, so it was a success!
Unfortunately, Sophie was only here for 3 days, and she left yesterday afternoon, so that was kind of a bummer. We spend the day after Christmas at Todd's family's house. They're English and we always have a traditional Boxing Day celebration at their house. Everyone rewraps a goofy present and brings it to exchange. It's really fun. And I haven't really gotten to hang out with Todd much cuz he's been gone at school. He's on the football team and he's definitely going to be drafted into the NFL! He's set all kinds of records this year. I'm so proud of him! So while we were there, I invited Todd to come out with me to the grand opening of my works new bar. They've been working on this new shot bar for months, and The Albanian is the general manager. So of course, everyone from work was gonna be at the grand opening! So Todd said he would come!
So a few hours later, I was in my favorite white tube top, which I tied a festive red ribbon around the waste, and we were ready! Todd picked me up in his brand new red BMW. SOOO nice...
And the shot bar is freakin' awesome! It's like a new home away from home! Same people, same owners, just a different location! I love it! And I don't think I spent a penny all night! My cousin Paul, and Melissa met us up too that night. Paul was acting very strangely though...he kinda had me worried cuz of his recent stint in rehab for concaine. But anyways, I got soooooo hammered!
And I have to add that Mr. P. is like one of the sexiest men EVER! But the thing that really sticks out in my mind about that night, is how well Todd took care of me. I ended up getting so drunk, I puked in the bathroom, and confessed my undying love for Todd to Alyssa. At least I can trust her!
But...I mean, it's kind of true. Todd has always been one of my best friends, and he's such a great guy. I love him to death! AND he meets all of my standards: tall, attractive, smart, kind, he has everything going for him...
Except that he's not single. ((sigh)) What is it with me always wanting the guys I can't have?? Do I just like to torchure myself or something? ((sigh))
I've been harboring these feelings for Todd for quite some time now, but I've just been in denial about it because...well number one, he has a girlfriend who I really like! And obviously he loves her. And number 2, if they break up, I dunno what to do! I mean, I don't know how to be anything other than his friend! And it's not like I can be my usual forward self with him. I mean, like the way I am with guys I'm crushing on. Grrr this is so frustrating! I can hardly wrap my head around it.
Moving on...
Ok I'm not sure if I mentioned this before or not, but Sophie is getting married! Yea, married. January 8th. Because she and Brent are hippies and they're joining the Peace Corps, and in order to go together they have to be married for 6 months beforehand. So they're having an anti-ceremony in just a few days. Of course I'm gonna go! So I'll be in Florida for about a week in January. It seems so crazy, right!?
Ok, and New Years Eve? I have to work. And it's gonna suck. Although I did give invites to Jenna, Melissa, Charlotte, Mackenzie, and Amanda. I dunno, maybe it'll be fun. We'll see...
Mitch Of The Day:
"I've got a wallet, it's orange. In case I wanna buy a deer. That doesn't make any sense at all."
Monday, October 1, 2007
Anticipation
Omg Saturday night was so much fun! After work, a bunch of us stayed to play poker again. I didn't get home till 10 am Sunday!! It was me, Mr. S (owner/GM), Misty (bartender and Mr. S's girlfriend), Blinn (owner/manager and The Albanian's cousin), Gavin, Dustin (sort of new door guy), John (door guy who stayed at The Albanian's the night we made out), Nick (bartender who always spreads rumours), Johnny (acoustic guitarist on weekends), and Ali (bartender). Like all those descriptions?? Hehe.
We closed the bar down pretty quickly, surprisingly. And since I've been sick lately, I wasn't gonna drink. I usually have 1 pint of cider while we're counting money. But when we left the back bar, Nick and the door guys were setting up the poker table. So I gave in and poured myself a beer.
I bought in, and stayed in for most of the night, which was awesome, but I eventually lost to Blinn. We even took shots last night! And that's saying something, because we usually stick to the strict beer only policy after hours. But Mr. S and Gavin were shooting whisky, and then Misty and Ali wanted shots, and it all just kind of showballed from there!
And John was flirting with me the entire night! Running his fingers through my hair, and telling me I smelled good...lol. It was quite strange! I mean...he knows about me and The Albanian. I guess he doesn't care? I have noticed that he seems to have taken an interest in me lately. The other day he asked me what I like to do for fun, and what I do on my nights off. He's a really sweet guy though. I like John!
So when we finally went out to the parking lot to leave, he asked, "So what are you doing today?"
"Going home and sleeping till work probably!" I said as I got in my car.
"Well, do you wanna go see a movie, or go out to dinner or something?"
"Well...I have to work at 7, so I doubt I'll have time! I'm only getting like 5 hours of sleep as it is. But...why don't you give me your number, and I'll call you if I wake up?"
So he did. Granted, he was pretty drunk...at least I think he was. It's kinda hard to tell with him. I obviously didn't call him today though. I mean I literally woke up, went to feed my horse and got ready for work. But I'm thinking about calling him tomorrow. I mean, he's really nice, and cute! I always say he looks just like the Prince Charming in Shrek II. SERIOUSLY. Long blonde hair and all. But he's not a metrosexual or anything! Haha. He used to be in the marines. So maybe I will go out with him. We'll see...
I am SO excited about going to New York!! I convinced Sophie to go; I'm gonna buy her a plane ticket, since Evan is buying mine. It's gonna be a blast!!! I invited Melissa and Rikki, she's always been a globe trotter. So hopefully some more people will come, but you know how people are. Nobody ever wants to commit!! Either way, it will still be fun.
I have so much stuff to do tomorrow! I haven't been to the bank in weeks and I've been walking around with like a thousand dollars cash in my wallet! I also need to go get a new drivers license because I lost mine on me and Billy's first date. At least I can take a new picture. My old one was terrible!
I've also started a new work out regime. I'm gonna force myself to eat more healthy and work out at least 4 days a week because when I get to NY, I have to look fab! Especially if I'm gonna be seeing The Model. But, knowing him, and the luck I usually have when it comes to him, I'll be right down the street from his place and we still won't see each other. ((sigh)) I know I shouldn't get my hopes up regarding him like...ever, but it's New York. And the first thing that always comes to mind when I imagine New York is HIM. And I just wish things between The Model and I could go back to normal. Well...I definitely wish more than that, but you know what I mean!
Oh dear, it's 5:25 in the morning! I started this post as soon as I got home from work today, so I should probably get to sleep...what with all the crap I have to do tomorrow. Err...today.
Mitch Of The Day:
"I like cottage cheese. That's why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado."
We closed the bar down pretty quickly, surprisingly. And since I've been sick lately, I wasn't gonna drink. I usually have 1 pint of cider while we're counting money. But when we left the back bar, Nick and the door guys were setting up the poker table. So I gave in and poured myself a beer.
I bought in, and stayed in for most of the night, which was awesome, but I eventually lost to Blinn. We even took shots last night! And that's saying something, because we usually stick to the strict beer only policy after hours. But Mr. S and Gavin were shooting whisky, and then Misty and Ali wanted shots, and it all just kind of showballed from there!
And John was flirting with me the entire night! Running his fingers through my hair, and telling me I smelled good...lol. It was quite strange! I mean...he knows about me and The Albanian. I guess he doesn't care? I have noticed that he seems to have taken an interest in me lately. The other day he asked me what I like to do for fun, and what I do on my nights off. He's a really sweet guy though. I like John!
So when we finally went out to the parking lot to leave, he asked, "So what are you doing today?"
"Going home and sleeping till work probably!" I said as I got in my car.
"Well, do you wanna go see a movie, or go out to dinner or something?"
"Well...I have to work at 7, so I doubt I'll have time! I'm only getting like 5 hours of sleep as it is. But...why don't you give me your number, and I'll call you if I wake up?"
So he did. Granted, he was pretty drunk...at least I think he was. It's kinda hard to tell with him. I obviously didn't call him today though. I mean I literally woke up, went to feed my horse and got ready for work. But I'm thinking about calling him tomorrow. I mean, he's really nice, and cute! I always say he looks just like the Prince Charming in Shrek II. SERIOUSLY. Long blonde hair and all. But he's not a metrosexual or anything! Haha. He used to be in the marines. So maybe I will go out with him. We'll see...
I am SO excited about going to New York!! I convinced Sophie to go; I'm gonna buy her a plane ticket, since Evan is buying mine. It's gonna be a blast!!! I invited Melissa and Rikki, she's always been a globe trotter. So hopefully some more people will come, but you know how people are. Nobody ever wants to commit!! Either way, it will still be fun.
I have so much stuff to do tomorrow! I haven't been to the bank in weeks and I've been walking around with like a thousand dollars cash in my wallet! I also need to go get a new drivers license because I lost mine on me and Billy's first date. At least I can take a new picture. My old one was terrible!
I've also started a new work out regime. I'm gonna force myself to eat more healthy and work out at least 4 days a week because when I get to NY, I have to look fab! Especially if I'm gonna be seeing The Model. But, knowing him, and the luck I usually have when it comes to him, I'll be right down the street from his place and we still won't see each other. ((sigh)) I know I shouldn't get my hopes up regarding him like...ever, but it's New York. And the first thing that always comes to mind when I imagine New York is HIM. And I just wish things between The Model and I could go back to normal. Well...I definitely wish more than that, but you know what I mean!
Oh dear, it's 5:25 in the morning! I started this post as soon as I got home from work today, so I should probably get to sleep...what with all the crap I have to do tomorrow. Err...today.
Mitch Of The Day:
"I like cottage cheese. That's why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado."
Friday, September 28, 2007
Something Real
Last night there was this show going on that I really, really wanted to see! I think I mentioned it before, because Gavin and Bethany said they were gonna go. Of course, everyone ended up selling out, so I just decided to go solo! I mean it was a Tool cover band! And I LOVE Tool, and I wasn't about to miss this.
So I get there, and none other than Vette Guy walks up behind me! ((sigh)) It was a pretty small venue, and this was the band's first show, so there weren't a whole lot of people there. The band was so awesome though!! I mean I have much respect for any band that can even play a Tool song, let alone 2 whole sets full of them! And they actually sounded good!
Well I ended up hanging out with Vette Guy since I was by myself, and he, apparently was being stalked by an ex-girlfriend. Yes, literally, stalked. She was one of those really in-your-face, all the time kinda girls who just talks and never shuts up. Really sweet, but reallllllly overbearing! And she kept talking my ear off about how Vette Guy is supposedly still madly in love with her. Haha.
Anyways, I've been sick for like a week, so I didn't drink or anything last night, and I hadn't shaved my legs or anything either. Hahaha! But Vette Guy invited me back to his place, so I accepted, but I warned him I wouldn't be staying. Just not a good idea on so many levels. But I figured, a little making out would be harmless, right??
WRONG.
We're goofin' off, having a good time and joking around with each other. And I was teasing him about how much of a player he is. Which, of course, he denied profusely.
"Whatever, you're so good at the game, you don't even know you're playing it." I told him.
"I don't play games! I hate games!" He insisted.
"Ha! Then why do you keep jerking me around so much?" I asked playfully.
I don't really remember exactly what he said after that, except that he suddenly got really mad, and he said he wouldn't ever call me again. I don't understand why exactly, just that I guess the words "jerk around" triggered something, and he got really pissed.
"Dude...why are you so mad? Are you kidding me right now??"
"What did you just say to me? Dude...you have no idea...Whatever. I'm just gonna go to bed. I don't even care."
"Okaaaaaaaay... Why can't you just tell me what's wrong. I wasn't being a bitch, I just wish you would be honest with me sometimes. You never tell me anything!"
"Whatever..."
"Stop saying whatever! Come on! Just tell me what your problem is all of a sudden."
"Whatever..."
"Fine. Well have a good night."
And I left.
I seriously don't get it! I mean, I couldn't count how many times I've teased him about that stuff, and he's never gotten mad. And now, I actually feel bad! ((sigh))
I sent him a text saying I just don't like feeling like a piece of ass (because the whole time I was there, he kept trying to take my clothes off and I kept telling him no). His response was something along the lines of "If that's how you feel, then I'm glad you left. I can get that at any bar, any time. I thought you were real, no drama, but apparently I was wrong. Guess I'll build higher walls next time"
WTF?!?! WHO is being dramatic in this situation!? And WHO'S the one that always gets fucked over and needs to put up walls!?
I think he's got himself confused...
I wrote back, "I just want to feel like I'm not a piece of ass, not just something that happens every few weeks! You make it so hard to get to know you! I mean this is the most emotion you've ever shown me, and it's anger! And you say you're the one who needs higher walls?? Come on! I'm honestly trying here. And I AM real. Most people just can't handle that. So it's cool. I'm used to it."
Of course, he ever responded, and I don't like to end a conversation, or a night for that matter, on bad terms. So I wrote him one more message before I went to bed.
"Look, I'm not trying to bug you, I just don't like to end things on a bad note. So I'm sorry about what I said. Bad choice of words I guess. I just want something real, and I wanna know when it's real! And lately it just seems like I don't know anything anymore...but I shouldn't have projected that on you because I know you don't see me that way. So...again, I'm sorry. Goodnight."
That last message may have been a little much, but at least I know I did everything I could. It's not like I had anything to lose anyways... ((sigh))
I'm just so tired of settling! I mean...why is it so hard to find the whole package!? The nice guys are boring, and/or unattractive, and the attractive guys are assholes and don't give a shit about you. So how do you tell the difference??
Today I spent a good hour looking at modeling shots of The Model online. I miss him. It sucks. I still have this illusion of him in my head as The Perfect Man. And I just can't change that.
Evan and I, and some friends are going to New York City. Very soon! I'm excited, but since we've started planning this trip, I can't get The Model out of my head. I think that's part of the reason why I even went home with Vette Guy last night. But I'm tired of this back and forth. I'm tired of not good enough.
I want something REAL.
Mitch Of The Day:
"I had a job interview with an insurance company, and the lady said, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I said, "Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me that question.'"
So I get there, and none other than Vette Guy walks up behind me! ((sigh)) It was a pretty small venue, and this was the band's first show, so there weren't a whole lot of people there. The band was so awesome though!! I mean I have much respect for any band that can even play a Tool song, let alone 2 whole sets full of them! And they actually sounded good!
Well I ended up hanging out with Vette Guy since I was by myself, and he, apparently was being stalked by an ex-girlfriend. Yes, literally, stalked. She was one of those really in-your-face, all the time kinda girls who just talks and never shuts up. Really sweet, but reallllllly overbearing! And she kept talking my ear off about how Vette Guy is supposedly still madly in love with her. Haha.
Anyways, I've been sick for like a week, so I didn't drink or anything last night, and I hadn't shaved my legs or anything either. Hahaha! But Vette Guy invited me back to his place, so I accepted, but I warned him I wouldn't be staying. Just not a good idea on so many levels. But I figured, a little making out would be harmless, right??
WRONG.
We're goofin' off, having a good time and joking around with each other. And I was teasing him about how much of a player he is. Which, of course, he denied profusely.
"Whatever, you're so good at the game, you don't even know you're playing it." I told him.
"I don't play games! I hate games!" He insisted.
"Ha! Then why do you keep jerking me around so much?" I asked playfully.
I don't really remember exactly what he said after that, except that he suddenly got really mad, and he said he wouldn't ever call me again. I don't understand why exactly, just that I guess the words "jerk around" triggered something, and he got really pissed.
"Dude...why are you so mad? Are you kidding me right now??"
"What did you just say to me? Dude...you have no idea...Whatever. I'm just gonna go to bed. I don't even care."
"Okaaaaaaaay... Why can't you just tell me what's wrong. I wasn't being a bitch, I just wish you would be honest with me sometimes. You never tell me anything!"
"Whatever..."
"Stop saying whatever! Come on! Just tell me what your problem is all of a sudden."
"Whatever..."
"Fine. Well have a good night."
And I left.
I seriously don't get it! I mean, I couldn't count how many times I've teased him about that stuff, and he's never gotten mad. And now, I actually feel bad! ((sigh))
I sent him a text saying I just don't like feeling like a piece of ass (because the whole time I was there, he kept trying to take my clothes off and I kept telling him no). His response was something along the lines of "If that's how you feel, then I'm glad you left. I can get that at any bar, any time. I thought you were real, no drama, but apparently I was wrong. Guess I'll build higher walls next time"
WTF?!?! WHO is being dramatic in this situation!? And WHO'S the one that always gets fucked over and needs to put up walls!?
I think he's got himself confused...
I wrote back, "I just want to feel like I'm not a piece of ass, not just something that happens every few weeks! You make it so hard to get to know you! I mean this is the most emotion you've ever shown me, and it's anger! And you say you're the one who needs higher walls?? Come on! I'm honestly trying here. And I AM real. Most people just can't handle that. So it's cool. I'm used to it."
Of course, he ever responded, and I don't like to end a conversation, or a night for that matter, on bad terms. So I wrote him one more message before I went to bed.
"Look, I'm not trying to bug you, I just don't like to end things on a bad note. So I'm sorry about what I said. Bad choice of words I guess. I just want something real, and I wanna know when it's real! And lately it just seems like I don't know anything anymore...but I shouldn't have projected that on you because I know you don't see me that way. So...again, I'm sorry. Goodnight."
That last message may have been a little much, but at least I know I did everything I could. It's not like I had anything to lose anyways... ((sigh))
I'm just so tired of settling! I mean...why is it so hard to find the whole package!? The nice guys are boring, and/or unattractive, and the attractive guys are assholes and don't give a shit about you. So how do you tell the difference??
Today I spent a good hour looking at modeling shots of The Model online. I miss him. It sucks. I still have this illusion of him in my head as The Perfect Man. And I just can't change that.
Evan and I, and some friends are going to New York City. Very soon! I'm excited, but since we've started planning this trip, I can't get The Model out of my head. I think that's part of the reason why I even went home with Vette Guy last night. But I'm tired of this back and forth. I'm tired of not good enough.
I want something REAL.
Mitch Of The Day:
"I had a job interview with an insurance company, and the lady said, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" I said, "Celebrating the fifth year anniversary of you asking me that question.'"
Monday, September 3, 2007
Austin!
This post may be a bit cumbersome cuz Jenna and I are in the car on our way to Austin! I'm typing this on my blackberry. We're gonna hit 6th St tonight and float the river tomorrow if the weather permits. It feels so good to be getting out of town! I really needed this, and I am SO excited!
I had the worst weekend ever, just as expected. Mitchell and The Model showed up at my work Saturday night and they didn't even come to the back bar to say hi! I just happened to run into them on my way to the bathroom. The Model was overly nice, acting as if nothing happened. He hugged me like 4 times. But after work I found out from Nick that he gave his number to Kristin, the new cocktail waitress!! To be honest, I've been putting off writing this post so I wouldn't have to think about it. ((sigh)) I can't even begin to explain how much that hurt me. Will I EVER get over him??
Moving on...so phase one of moving out is complete! I've been keeping track of all the money I spend and earn and I know how much I can save. So I'm moving in with Frank! I'm actually really excited about it! I love Frank; he's so much fun and we get along really well.
As for Vette Guy, I'm done. Seriously. He just likes the chase and I'm tired of running. I'm genuinely losing interest in him now, which helps!
And hey, maybe I'll even get lucky and meet a hot guy in Austin! We'll see... And I'll definiely keep ya posted!
No Mitch today, sorry guys! I don't have the resources at the moment.
I had the worst weekend ever, just as expected. Mitchell and The Model showed up at my work Saturday night and they didn't even come to the back bar to say hi! I just happened to run into them on my way to the bathroom. The Model was overly nice, acting as if nothing happened. He hugged me like 4 times. But after work I found out from Nick that he gave his number to Kristin, the new cocktail waitress!! To be honest, I've been putting off writing this post so I wouldn't have to think about it. ((sigh)) I can't even begin to explain how much that hurt me. Will I EVER get over him??
Moving on...so phase one of moving out is complete! I've been keeping track of all the money I spend and earn and I know how much I can save. So I'm moving in with Frank! I'm actually really excited about it! I love Frank; he's so much fun and we get along really well.
As for Vette Guy, I'm done. Seriously. He just likes the chase and I'm tired of running. I'm genuinely losing interest in him now, which helps!
And hey, maybe I'll even get lucky and meet a hot guy in Austin! We'll see... And I'll definiely keep ya posted!
No Mitch today, sorry guys! I don't have the resources at the moment.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
The Good and The Bad
This is going to be the worst weekend ever.
I'm scheduled to work Saturday night. Yea, the night of the Incubus show, that I have really badass tickets for. UGH. I'm so disappointed. It doesn't look like I'm going to get my shift covered either. The other night at work, Gavin was hanging out drinking, and kept bringing up the concert. I know he was just messing with me but it just REALLY SUCKS! Mark said he would do everything he could to try and get me off, but he's scheduled to manage that night, so it's not looking good.
The other reason it's gonna suck??
The Model. He and Mitchell will be in town this weekend for a wedding in their family. And of course, they're gonna be at my bar. It's pretty much Mitchell's favorite place to go. So I'm gonna have to sit there and watch as girls throw themselves at The Model, and there won't be anything I can do about it. I never heard a word from him since the incident. What a complete fucking asshole. ((Sigh))
I do have some good news to report though. Cecilia was admitted to the hospital yesterday so they could induce her into labor. Something about her blood pressure... But I went straight there after work last night and she's doing fine. I hung out with her for like 5 hours. They had her hooked up to an IV and everything in the antepartum wing, while she waited for a room to open up in the labor and delivery area. She's there now, and they already gave her the pill. The doctor's gonna check to see if she's dilated at all in about....45 minutes! I have to work at 9 tonight, but hopefully something will happen before then and I won't have to miss it! I've been texting her all day to make sure she's doing ok. It's gonna be so exciting when her baby is born!! I can't wait!
Oh, and I've been meaning to mention that things at work with The Albanian and I have just gone totally back to normal. It's almost like we never kissed! But I'm totally ok with that. I just didn't want things to get awkward. And as for Vette Guy, I asked him if everything he'd told me was true, or if he was just saying what he thought I wanted to hear. He said he was being honest, but he's just not sure if he's ready for anything yet, and that "only time will tell". He also said he "better get to see me this week". I told him he better call me then. But I have yet to hear from him.
I'm SO over playing games with him. I'm just pretty much indifferent at this point. No word yet on the job in NY either. Oh, and just to clear something up, Vette Guy isn't moving anywhere! He just had a business trip.
Mitch Of The Day:
"I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down. "
I'm scheduled to work Saturday night. Yea, the night of the Incubus show, that I have really badass tickets for. UGH. I'm so disappointed. It doesn't look like I'm going to get my shift covered either. The other night at work, Gavin was hanging out drinking, and kept bringing up the concert. I know he was just messing with me but it just REALLY SUCKS! Mark said he would do everything he could to try and get me off, but he's scheduled to manage that night, so it's not looking good.
The other reason it's gonna suck??
The Model. He and Mitchell will be in town this weekend for a wedding in their family. And of course, they're gonna be at my bar. It's pretty much Mitchell's favorite place to go. So I'm gonna have to sit there and watch as girls throw themselves at The Model, and there won't be anything I can do about it. I never heard a word from him since the incident. What a complete fucking asshole. ((Sigh))
I do have some good news to report though. Cecilia was admitted to the hospital yesterday so they could induce her into labor. Something about her blood pressure... But I went straight there after work last night and she's doing fine. I hung out with her for like 5 hours. They had her hooked up to an IV and everything in the antepartum wing, while she waited for a room to open up in the labor and delivery area. She's there now, and they already gave her the pill. The doctor's gonna check to see if she's dilated at all in about....45 minutes! I have to work at 9 tonight, but hopefully something will happen before then and I won't have to miss it! I've been texting her all day to make sure she's doing ok. It's gonna be so exciting when her baby is born!! I can't wait!
Oh, and I've been meaning to mention that things at work with The Albanian and I have just gone totally back to normal. It's almost like we never kissed! But I'm totally ok with that. I just didn't want things to get awkward. And as for Vette Guy, I asked him if everything he'd told me was true, or if he was just saying what he thought I wanted to hear. He said he was being honest, but he's just not sure if he's ready for anything yet, and that "only time will tell". He also said he "better get to see me this week". I told him he better call me then. But I have yet to hear from him.
I'm SO over playing games with him. I'm just pretty much indifferent at this point. No word yet on the job in NY either. Oh, and just to clear something up, Vette Guy isn't moving anywhere! He just had a business trip.
Mitch Of The Day:
"I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down. "
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Loose Ends
Evan and I hung out the other night, and things were just...weird. I mean it was like neither of us knew exactly how to act, or if the other was thinking yes, no, maybe? So I said "Evan...I think maybe it would be easier on both of us if we just stayed friends" and he agreed. We've just been friends for way too long, and I don't know how else to act with him! So, friends it is.
I'm still waiting to hear about the job in New York City. I want it sooooooo bad! I mean, I know I need to get my life together. I feel like I'm falling in a black hole, and I don't wanna get stuck. And moving to a new city, with a blank slate is just what I need. I hope...
Ok, I know I said I wasn't gonna do this, but I just can't keep my mouth shut! If you're going to comment on my page, please don't patronize me or talk to me like I'm a dirty slut. Because I'm not. I don't sleep around. In fact, the only guys I've ever blogged about sleeping with, are The Model, and Vette Guy. And The Model is an enigma in itself... I would freakin' marry the guy if he asked me! I think every girl has that one guy that they will always go back to, no matter what has happened in the past. And he is that guy for me. Not because he's a model...because he's him! He's fun, and goofy and crazy, and before all the drama went down, he was someone I could just be myself with. Because we didn't have any pretenses. We were just friends...with benefits! As for Vette Guy...he was definitely a mistake, but I really liked him, and I thought it was going somewhere. And nobody is perfect! So why do people have to be so judgmental? I never thought I could receive so many hurtful comments from people just because I wrote something, and I was being honest about it. I wasn't relieved that The Albanian and I didn't have sex. I did not want to sleep with him. I wrote "and no clothes came off" to emphasize the fact that there was passion, but also innocence. So some of you may have misrepresented me in your comments. I'm not asking any of you to like me, and I'm not trying to win anyone's favor. I'm just chronologging my experiences in 20-something life for my own amusement. And I'm learning from my mistakes. Oh, and please don't start comment wars on my page either! As fun as those are to read, they get out of hand pretty quickly.
So if you're enjoying my blog, and you have some advice for me, good or bad as long as you're not bitching me out, then go ahead and comment. Otherwise, seriously?? No one's forcing you to read this. If you're so disgusted by me, then don't.
G's I hope I don't have to do that again...
ANYWAYS . . .
Cecilia's baby shower is this Saturday. Her cousin and I are hosting it. I can't wait, it's gonna be so much fun! I've never really been a baby crazy type person, but I really can't wait till she has her baby! Cecilia is my first really good friend to have one. I was talking to her on the phone yesterday, and I told her she HAS to call me as soon as she goes into labor! She promised I'd be the first one she calls (besides her husband) and that I can be there in the delivery room if the doctors let me. I've seen horses give birth, but never a person. Lol, and I dunno how similar that is, but I'm looking forward to it actually! I told her she might decide she doesn't want me in there with her, but she said "Whatever, bitch! You better show up with some Starbucks!" Hahaha! I so love her! I've missed her too, being pregnant and all. But we're gonna go have some girl time today. I have some shopping to do so she's gonna come to Target with me. And tonight, Melissa and I are gonna have dinner at Friday's before I have to go to work.
So today will be a great day for girl bonding!
Mitch Of The Day:
"I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy."
I'm still waiting to hear about the job in New York City. I want it sooooooo bad! I mean, I know I need to get my life together. I feel like I'm falling in a black hole, and I don't wanna get stuck. And moving to a new city, with a blank slate is just what I need. I hope...
Ok, I know I said I wasn't gonna do this, but I just can't keep my mouth shut! If you're going to comment on my page, please don't patronize me or talk to me like I'm a dirty slut. Because I'm not. I don't sleep around. In fact, the only guys I've ever blogged about sleeping with, are The Model, and Vette Guy. And The Model is an enigma in itself... I would freakin' marry the guy if he asked me! I think every girl has that one guy that they will always go back to, no matter what has happened in the past. And he is that guy for me. Not because he's a model...because he's him! He's fun, and goofy and crazy, and before all the drama went down, he was someone I could just be myself with. Because we didn't have any pretenses. We were just friends...with benefits! As for Vette Guy...he was definitely a mistake, but I really liked him, and I thought it was going somewhere. And nobody is perfect! So why do people have to be so judgmental? I never thought I could receive so many hurtful comments from people just because I wrote something, and I was being honest about it. I wasn't relieved that The Albanian and I didn't have sex. I did not want to sleep with him. I wrote "and no clothes came off" to emphasize the fact that there was passion, but also innocence. So some of you may have misrepresented me in your comments. I'm not asking any of you to like me, and I'm not trying to win anyone's favor. I'm just chronologging my experiences in 20-something life for my own amusement. And I'm learning from my mistakes. Oh, and please don't start comment wars on my page either! As fun as those are to read, they get out of hand pretty quickly.
So if you're enjoying my blog, and you have some advice for me, good or bad as long as you're not bitching me out, then go ahead and comment. Otherwise, seriously?? No one's forcing you to read this. If you're so disgusted by me, then don't.
G's I hope I don't have to do that again...
ANYWAYS . . .
Cecilia's baby shower is this Saturday. Her cousin and I are hosting it. I can't wait, it's gonna be so much fun! I've never really been a baby crazy type person, but I really can't wait till she has her baby! Cecilia is my first really good friend to have one. I was talking to her on the phone yesterday, and I told her she HAS to call me as soon as she goes into labor! She promised I'd be the first one she calls (besides her husband) and that I can be there in the delivery room if the doctors let me. I've seen horses give birth, but never a person. Lol, and I dunno how similar that is, but I'm looking forward to it actually! I told her she might decide she doesn't want me in there with her, but she said "Whatever, bitch! You better show up with some Starbucks!" Hahaha! I so love her! I've missed her too, being pregnant and all. But we're gonna go have some girl time today. I have some shopping to do so she's gonna come to Target with me. And tonight, Melissa and I are gonna have dinner at Friday's before I have to go to work.
So today will be a great day for girl bonding!
Mitch Of The Day:
"I would imagine if you could understand Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy."
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
All The World Needs Is Another Asshole...
Well...let's see...where to begin?
Last night was...I guess you could say fun. While I was getting ready to go out, I swear I almost had an anxiety attack thinking about The Model, and what was gonna happen. So I whipped out my good ole' pain killers from when I got my teeth pulled and popped half a vicoprofin. Then I made myself a vodka water, and then I left! By the time I got to The Model's house, I was feeling really happy, and looking forward to the night.
The first bad sign was when he suggested we take 2 cars. Umm...ok??
So Mitchell rode with me, and The Model and Mitchell's brother took The Model's Benz. Somehow, my cousin Jenna managed to get into the party before we'd even gotten there, which turned out to be a really good thing. The Model was acting like a complete douche bag the entire time. First I noticed he wasn't being his usual happy-go-lucky self. He seemed like he was kinda in a bad mood. When we first got there, Gavin, who was working the door, gave me a hug and said, "What's up man?" to The Model, and he goes, "How does that guy know me?? He freakin should cuz I dropped like $1100 in here Saturday night..."
Ok...WTF!?
THEN, to my horror, he proceeded to repeatedly talk about this chick's ass and how nice it was.
But even though all this was going on, the alcohol was flowing, and I was feelin' good, taking shots, and drinking mojitos. Before long, I was totally trashed! And not just your normal trashed, cuz I can usually handle my liquor. But because I took that pain killer, I was pretty crazy.
So I'm goofin' off, having a good time, not paying too much attention to The Model. Then, I can't remember WHY, I just grabbed him, kinda like that stupid blonde did the other night, and went to kiss him. Not a sexy kiss, or a make out kiss, not even a flirty kiss! Just a friendly, drunken peck on the lips. And he TURNED AWAY.
Again...wtf. Way to make me look like an idiot.
So Jenna and I made a break for the bathroom where she totally flipped out on me about what an asshole The Model was being. And I couldn't help but agree. So I stopped talking to him after that, and went outside to chat with Gavin.
He didn't seem too happy to be working. Poor guy.
Then I went back inside to tip the bartenders, since the alcohol was FREE, and in my drunken stupor, I motion for The Albanian to come hither, grab HIM and plant one on him! Which wouldn't have been so bad, except that after that I knocked over a drink that was sitting on the bar and broke the glass.
I AM SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!
And it gets worse.
AFTER I did that, I twisted my ankle in my supercute high heels. I mean like seriously sprained my ankle. I think I tore a ligament or something! And Frank (one of my coworkers) had to CARRY me outside! He's such a sweetheart for doing that, but I know I'm never gonna hear the end of it! ((sigh)) Woe is me.
So The Model and his cousins had been talking about going back to The Model's house to watch Nacho Libre, which I've never seen. So I called him, from the parking lot, to ask what the plan was. And The Model actually had the audacity to tell me he didn't think it was a good idea that I come because I had "different intentions" than he did.
WTF #3.
I was so mad, I quickly got off the phone with him and sent him a text that said, "Ok i'm sorry you think i'm like...in love with you or something...i just wanted to wach a movie with you guys. That's all. And i'm drunk and think you're a cool guy. The end."
His response: Then I'm sorry about the misunderstanding.
My response: whatever...
Haven't heard from him since.
And he and his cousins literally ditched me afterwards! And I was clearly in no shape to drive. So Jenna took me home with her, and we passed out there. She drove me back to my car this morning. I so love Jenna. I dunno what I'd do without her! She makes me laugh at the shittiness that is my life. ((sigh))
I'm seriously done with The Model. I thought if we weren't anything else, at least we were friends, but apparently, I was wrong. So fuck him.
I'm done with assholes! I'm done with douche bags! And I'm done with models!!!
((huff!!))
Mitch Of The Day:
"I have an underwater camera, just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen."
Last night was...I guess you could say fun. While I was getting ready to go out, I swear I almost had an anxiety attack thinking about The Model, and what was gonna happen. So I whipped out my good ole' pain killers from when I got my teeth pulled and popped half a vicoprofin. Then I made myself a vodka water, and then I left! By the time I got to The Model's house, I was feeling really happy, and looking forward to the night.
The first bad sign was when he suggested we take 2 cars. Umm...ok??
So Mitchell rode with me, and The Model and Mitchell's brother took The Model's Benz. Somehow, my cousin Jenna managed to get into the party before we'd even gotten there, which turned out to be a really good thing. The Model was acting like a complete douche bag the entire time. First I noticed he wasn't being his usual happy-go-lucky self. He seemed like he was kinda in a bad mood. When we first got there, Gavin, who was working the door, gave me a hug and said, "What's up man?" to The Model, and he goes, "How does that guy know me?? He freakin should cuz I dropped like $1100 in here Saturday night..."
Ok...WTF!?
THEN, to my horror, he proceeded to repeatedly talk about this chick's ass and how nice it was.
But even though all this was going on, the alcohol was flowing, and I was feelin' good, taking shots, and drinking mojitos. Before long, I was totally trashed! And not just your normal trashed, cuz I can usually handle my liquor. But because I took that pain killer, I was pretty crazy.
So I'm goofin' off, having a good time, not paying too much attention to The Model. Then, I can't remember WHY, I just grabbed him, kinda like that stupid blonde did the other night, and went to kiss him. Not a sexy kiss, or a make out kiss, not even a flirty kiss! Just a friendly, drunken peck on the lips. And he TURNED AWAY.
Again...wtf. Way to make me look like an idiot.
So Jenna and I made a break for the bathroom where she totally flipped out on me about what an asshole The Model was being. And I couldn't help but agree. So I stopped talking to him after that, and went outside to chat with Gavin.
He didn't seem too happy to be working. Poor guy.
Then I went back inside to tip the bartenders, since the alcohol was FREE, and in my drunken stupor, I motion for The Albanian to come hither, grab HIM and plant one on him! Which wouldn't have been so bad, except that after that I knocked over a drink that was sitting on the bar and broke the glass.
I AM SUCH AN IDIOT!!!!
And it gets worse.
AFTER I did that, I twisted my ankle in my supercute high heels. I mean like seriously sprained my ankle. I think I tore a ligament or something! And Frank (one of my coworkers) had to CARRY me outside! He's such a sweetheart for doing that, but I know I'm never gonna hear the end of it! ((sigh)) Woe is me.
So The Model and his cousins had been talking about going back to The Model's house to watch Nacho Libre, which I've never seen. So I called him, from the parking lot, to ask what the plan was. And The Model actually had the audacity to tell me he didn't think it was a good idea that I come because I had "different intentions" than he did.
WTF #3.
I was so mad, I quickly got off the phone with him and sent him a text that said, "Ok i'm sorry you think i'm like...in love with you or something...i just wanted to wach a movie with you guys. That's all. And i'm drunk and think you're a cool guy. The end."
His response: Then I'm sorry about the misunderstanding.
My response: whatever...
Haven't heard from him since.
And he and his cousins literally ditched me afterwards! And I was clearly in no shape to drive. So Jenna took me home with her, and we passed out there. She drove me back to my car this morning. I so love Jenna. I dunno what I'd do without her! She makes me laugh at the shittiness that is my life. ((sigh))
I'm seriously done with The Model. I thought if we weren't anything else, at least we were friends, but apparently, I was wrong. So fuck him.
I'm done with assholes! I'm done with douche bags! And I'm done with models!!!
((huff!!))
Mitch Of The Day:
"I have an underwater camera, just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen."
Monday, July 30, 2007
Until I Crash And Burn
Well, hope has been restored!!
The Model is coming with me tonight. Mitchell's coming too; apparently some chick he knows has an invite. So we're all meeting at The Model's house and heading up there together. I think it's going to be really fun! And I'm gonna try to act as nonchalant as possible. I know it's probably a reallllly bad idea for me to be getting my hopes up again after Saturday, but...I can't help it. The Model is leaving tomorrow and then I can finally get him off my mind. At least for a while anyways....
So I was totally supposed to be at work at 3 o'clock to open the bar yesterday, and I didn't know! I was so depressed about the night before that I just laid in bed till like 2 in the afternoon and then went to my parents house. My mom and I were on our way to grab some lunch when I checked my phone and saw that I had like 3 missed calls from work, and 2 voicemails asking where I was! I totally freaked out! My mom had to drive me back to their house, and then I had to drive all the way back to the house I'm staying at, change clothes, grab my makeup and drive all the way to midtown. I did all this in 45 minutes, but by the time I got there, I was 2 hours late! SO humiliating! I read the schedule wrong. Ugh. I probably almost got fired. But Mark was managing yesterday and he was really cool about it. He just warned me that one of the owners was pretty pissed, and Mark basically saved my ass.
So I'm gonna make sure and write my schedule down from now on. ((sigh)) Yesterday was seriously like the worst day ever. We didn't make any money either, it was totally dead. There was only like 20 bucks in the tip jar when I got off.
Well hopefully I don't screw things up with The Model tonight. I HAVE to play it cool. And I'm totally gonna flirt with Gavin and The Albanian in front of him. See how HE likes it!
Well, I'll be sure to keep you all updated on how it goes! Wish me luck!!
Mitch Of The Day:
"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so...yeah.'"
The Model is coming with me tonight. Mitchell's coming too; apparently some chick he knows has an invite. So we're all meeting at The Model's house and heading up there together. I think it's going to be really fun! And I'm gonna try to act as nonchalant as possible. I know it's probably a reallllly bad idea for me to be getting my hopes up again after Saturday, but...I can't help it. The Model is leaving tomorrow and then I can finally get him off my mind. At least for a while anyways....
So I was totally supposed to be at work at 3 o'clock to open the bar yesterday, and I didn't know! I was so depressed about the night before that I just laid in bed till like 2 in the afternoon and then went to my parents house. My mom and I were on our way to grab some lunch when I checked my phone and saw that I had like 3 missed calls from work, and 2 voicemails asking where I was! I totally freaked out! My mom had to drive me back to their house, and then I had to drive all the way back to the house I'm staying at, change clothes, grab my makeup and drive all the way to midtown. I did all this in 45 minutes, but by the time I got there, I was 2 hours late! SO humiliating! I read the schedule wrong. Ugh. I probably almost got fired. But Mark was managing yesterday and he was really cool about it. He just warned me that one of the owners was pretty pissed, and Mark basically saved my ass.
So I'm gonna make sure and write my schedule down from now on. ((sigh)) Yesterday was seriously like the worst day ever. We didn't make any money either, it was totally dead. There was only like 20 bucks in the tip jar when I got off.
Well hopefully I don't screw things up with The Model tonight. I HAVE to play it cool. And I'm totally gonna flirt with Gavin and The Albanian in front of him. See how HE likes it!
Well, I'll be sure to keep you all updated on how it goes! Wish me luck!!
Mitch Of The Day:
"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so...yeah.'"
Sunday, July 29, 2007
All My Exes Live In Texas; The Guys I WANT Live Elsewhere...
Ok this is gonna be long!
First, let me talk about Friday night. After work, a bunch of people decided to go to this after hours club. It was pretty ghetto, but we had fun, and drank some more. Gavin AND The Albanian were there too. I tried to inconspicuously ask some of the girls I work with about the "single guys". Both of them told me Gavin and The Albanian were very available.
So when the club closed, at like 5, we headed over to some guys house, who I'd never met. By this point, Gavin was totally hitting on me! And I'm not gonna lie, I flirted back. So we drank a little more, and then Gavin busted out with his reefer stash. Haha, so we smoked a little. I know, I'm so bad!
Gavin was soooo baked though, it was hilarious! Then finally at like 7 we decided to call it a night, er...morning. So overall, Friday was a success!
Last night, however, was a total bust. I should have known this would happen.
Melissa and I had dinner at El Patio first, that was fun. Then we drove over to the bar where Mitchell's going away party was. By this time, I had halfway convinced myself that That Model wasn't going to be there. But they showed up a little after we did, and he was there. At first I was excited. He finally got a haircut and he looks gorgeous.
I invited him to go to the Tommy Bahama party with me tomorrow night, and he seemed excited about it and said he'd let me know tomorrow if he can go or not. Then some stupid blonde girl (why is it always a blonde!?) started talking to him, and flirting with him. Literally throwing herself at him... They used to date in like 9th grade or something. ((sigh)) I literally could not stand the sight of it. So I left to go walk around. Vette Guy AND Eric The Skeaze both made appearances last night. It was weird. I actually talked to Eric The Skeaze for a while; Vette Guy and I exchanged pleasantries. He was there with some other blonde. She was sweet, but uh...not so cute. It felt really good to blow him off and go back to the party.
But yea, back to the party...The Model was still with that girl. He hardly said 2 words to me. I saw her kiss him once. It was one of those, grab his face suddenly and plant one on him type of kisses. And he actually had the gall to look at me and say, "I just got a kiss! Did you see that!?"
After that, I left. Mitchell had been talking about getting a hotel room and continuing the party, but I kept getting mental images of The Model and The Blonde in a hotel room, and it was making me sick. I cried the whole way home, and then some more when I got there. It was horrible. And today I feel like shit. Not physically, just...worn down.
I can't get over him.
No matter how hard I try...over the years it's always been him for me. I compare every guy I ever date to him! I guess I've always hoped that one day, when he decides he's tired of modeling, he'll want to find a girl and be in a relationship. And I hoped I'd still be in the picture at that point. But right now, I just feel like it's probably better for me if I never talk to him again. Because he hurts me so bad and he doesn't even know it. I can't tell him how I feel, because it would be fruitless and disturb the balance. It's like teetering on the edge of a really high cliff with jagged rocks below me. ((sigh))
What do I DO????
Mitch Of The Day:
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. "
First, let me talk about Friday night. After work, a bunch of people decided to go to this after hours club. It was pretty ghetto, but we had fun, and drank some more. Gavin AND The Albanian were there too. I tried to inconspicuously ask some of the girls I work with about the "single guys". Both of them told me Gavin and The Albanian were very available.
So when the club closed, at like 5, we headed over to some guys house, who I'd never met. By this point, Gavin was totally hitting on me! And I'm not gonna lie, I flirted back. So we drank a little more, and then Gavin busted out with his reefer stash. Haha, so we smoked a little. I know, I'm so bad!
Gavin was soooo baked though, it was hilarious! Then finally at like 7 we decided to call it a night, er...morning. So overall, Friday was a success!
Last night, however, was a total bust. I should have known this would happen.
Melissa and I had dinner at El Patio first, that was fun. Then we drove over to the bar where Mitchell's going away party was. By this time, I had halfway convinced myself that That Model wasn't going to be there. But they showed up a little after we did, and he was there. At first I was excited. He finally got a haircut and he looks gorgeous.
I invited him to go to the Tommy Bahama party with me tomorrow night, and he seemed excited about it and said he'd let me know tomorrow if he can go or not. Then some stupid blonde girl (why is it always a blonde!?) started talking to him, and flirting with him. Literally throwing herself at him... They used to date in like 9th grade or something. ((sigh)) I literally could not stand the sight of it. So I left to go walk around. Vette Guy AND Eric The Skeaze both made appearances last night. It was weird. I actually talked to Eric The Skeaze for a while; Vette Guy and I exchanged pleasantries. He was there with some other blonde. She was sweet, but uh...not so cute. It felt really good to blow him off and go back to the party.
But yea, back to the party...The Model was still with that girl. He hardly said 2 words to me. I saw her kiss him once. It was one of those, grab his face suddenly and plant one on him type of kisses. And he actually had the gall to look at me and say, "I just got a kiss! Did you see that!?"
After that, I left. Mitchell had been talking about getting a hotel room and continuing the party, but I kept getting mental images of The Model and The Blonde in a hotel room, and it was making me sick. I cried the whole way home, and then some more when I got there. It was horrible. And today I feel like shit. Not physically, just...worn down.
I can't get over him.
No matter how hard I try...over the years it's always been him for me. I compare every guy I ever date to him! I guess I've always hoped that one day, when he decides he's tired of modeling, he'll want to find a girl and be in a relationship. And I hoped I'd still be in the picture at that point. But right now, I just feel like it's probably better for me if I never talk to him again. Because he hurts me so bad and he doesn't even know it. I can't tell him how I feel, because it would be fruitless and disturb the balance. It's like teetering on the edge of a really high cliff with jagged rocks below me. ((sigh))
What do I DO????
Mitch Of The Day:
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. "
Friday, July 27, 2007
If there's drama in your life, it's because you're dramatic.
Ok, so a lot of exciting things are about to happen!! Haha...for me anyways.
While I was at work last night, Melissa texted me to tell me The Model is flying in for Mitchell's going away party thing Saturday night. So I'm REALLLLLLLY excited! I was giddy for the rest of my shift last night. Today I got new shoes and a top for our night of partying. The Model doesn't know that I know he's coming though, and I plan on keeping it that way! You know, so I can act surprised! Haha.
Also, I actually got to work behind the bar with The Albanian last night too. And we were in the small bar, so it was just the two of us. I don't think he has a clue that I'm slightly interested. Because I know he's single, and looking for someone. I'm just not sure if I wanna move forward with it or not yet... Because once I do, there's no turning back, ya know? And since it's work, everyone will know, yada yada... Plus I still have a little crush on Gavin, and he works there too. That's all I need is a work/love triangle. Ugh.
Speaking of drama, Mitchell and Melissa. OH. MY. GOD! They are so ridiculous... They're both crazy about each other, but neither one will set their pride aside and admit it. So they just keep playing these stupid games. I HATE games. And I mean, I know Mitchell is moving and all, and Melissa doesn't want to invest too much, and neither does he, but still! So Melissa's pissed off at Mitchell for something or another, and now she's not coming to the shindig on Saturday. Which TOTALLY sucks for me, because I realllly need a girlfriend for this! I don't wanna be that girl, standing around, waiting for The Model to pay attention to her! I wanna have someone there to goof off with, so that when random sluts start hitting on The Model in front of me, I'll have someone else to distract me. ((sigh))
In other news, Tommy Bahama Rum is throwing a huge party at my work on Monday, with free booze. And I get to go!! They basically rented the whole place out, and any employees who aren't working get to go. I was thinking about taking The Model, you know if he's still here, and assuming everything goes well this weekend... But if not, I'm definitely gonna ask Melissa. Cuz it's gonna be a total blast! And The Albanian is working...hehe.
I'm working tonight at 10 again. Hopefully it'll be better money than last night, seeing as how I spent all mine shopping. Lol. I really need to get myself on a budget. I'm so bad with money...ugh.
May has now tried calling me twice. Once yesterday, and once today. I didn't answer, and she hasn't left any messages. Hopefully she gets the hint. I'm sure we'll work this out eventually, I just really wanna get the point across to her that I have other friends besides her, and I'm disinclined to continue bothering with someone who ditches me, repeatedly, without a second thought.
As for Emma, I talked to her on the phone yesterday. I finally called her back. We chatted about nonsubstantial things for a bit, and then of course she asked if I was going to the shower. She wanted to ride together and go in on a gift together. I told her I'd already bought something. I just...don't really wanna be associated with her anymore. At least not when it comes to that group of girls. Because we all consider her undependable and fickle. And kind of self-centered. Well, I shouldn't say self-centered, it's just that she has this certain disreguard for how her actions affect other people. So I dunno... Emma is kind of like family, and I will always love her ya know? So I'm stuck with her. But, my mom gave me some good advice on that front (believe it or not!). I'm just gonna put my foot down. I'm not going to let her tag along with me and my friends, because she pouts. And I'm not going to tag along with her and her boyfriend, because they make me feel like I shouldn't be there. So that's that.
Anyways, I can't wait for this weekend!! It's gonna be a blast. I'm DETERMINED to have a good time. And hey, if things start to get shitty tomorrow night, I'll just drink more!
Mitch Of The Day: (I can't believe I forgot this last post!)
"...and then at the end of the letter I like to write 'P.S. - This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.'"
While I was at work last night, Melissa texted me to tell me The Model is flying in for Mitchell's going away party thing Saturday night. So I'm REALLLLLLLY excited! I was giddy for the rest of my shift last night. Today I got new shoes and a top for our night of partying. The Model doesn't know that I know he's coming though, and I plan on keeping it that way! You know, so I can act surprised! Haha.
Also, I actually got to work behind the bar with The Albanian last night too. And we were in the small bar, so it was just the two of us. I don't think he has a clue that I'm slightly interested. Because I know he's single, and looking for someone. I'm just not sure if I wanna move forward with it or not yet... Because once I do, there's no turning back, ya know? And since it's work, everyone will know, yada yada... Plus I still have a little crush on Gavin, and he works there too. That's all I need is a work/love triangle. Ugh.
Speaking of drama, Mitchell and Melissa. OH. MY. GOD! They are so ridiculous... They're both crazy about each other, but neither one will set their pride aside and admit it. So they just keep playing these stupid games. I HATE games. And I mean, I know Mitchell is moving and all, and Melissa doesn't want to invest too much, and neither does he, but still! So Melissa's pissed off at Mitchell for something or another, and now she's not coming to the shindig on Saturday. Which TOTALLY sucks for me, because I realllly need a girlfriend for this! I don't wanna be that girl, standing around, waiting for The Model to pay attention to her! I wanna have someone there to goof off with, so that when random sluts start hitting on The Model in front of me, I'll have someone else to distract me. ((sigh))
In other news, Tommy Bahama Rum is throwing a huge party at my work on Monday, with free booze. And I get to go!! They basically rented the whole place out, and any employees who aren't working get to go. I was thinking about taking The Model, you know if he's still here, and assuming everything goes well this weekend... But if not, I'm definitely gonna ask Melissa. Cuz it's gonna be a total blast! And The Albanian is working...hehe.
I'm working tonight at 10 again. Hopefully it'll be better money than last night, seeing as how I spent all mine shopping. Lol. I really need to get myself on a budget. I'm so bad with money...ugh.
May has now tried calling me twice. Once yesterday, and once today. I didn't answer, and she hasn't left any messages. Hopefully she gets the hint. I'm sure we'll work this out eventually, I just really wanna get the point across to her that I have other friends besides her, and I'm disinclined to continue bothering with someone who ditches me, repeatedly, without a second thought.
As for Emma, I talked to her on the phone yesterday. I finally called her back. We chatted about nonsubstantial things for a bit, and then of course she asked if I was going to the shower. She wanted to ride together and go in on a gift together. I told her I'd already bought something. I just...don't really wanna be associated with her anymore. At least not when it comes to that group of girls. Because we all consider her undependable and fickle. And kind of self-centered. Well, I shouldn't say self-centered, it's just that she has this certain disreguard for how her actions affect other people. So I dunno... Emma is kind of like family, and I will always love her ya know? So I'm stuck with her. But, my mom gave me some good advice on that front (believe it or not!). I'm just gonna put my foot down. I'm not going to let her tag along with me and my friends, because she pouts. And I'm not going to tag along with her and her boyfriend, because they make me feel like I shouldn't be there. So that's that.
Anyways, I can't wait for this weekend!! It's gonna be a blast. I'm DETERMINED to have a good time. And hey, if things start to get shitty tomorrow night, I'll just drink more!
Mitch Of The Day: (I can't believe I forgot this last post!)
"...and then at the end of the letter I like to write 'P.S. - This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.'"
Friday, July 20, 2007
A Little About Me And Then Some...
So, yay for all the comments!
Apparently somebody advertised me on Cosmo's Bedroom Blog, which means, apparently somebody actually reads this!! Which is awesome! I really like Bedroom Blog, and actually that's what gave me the idea to start this one.
And yes, I stole the "marry him and have a thousand of his babies" from there, but hey, I actually say that.
Anyways, so some of you were saying you wanted to know a little about me. Well I'm 23, and I live in Houston. I just graduated from a pretty upstanding university, but as of right now, I have NO CLUE what I want to do, which is why I'm bartending in midtown. I like to read, draw, and play the piano. I'm obsessed with music! I'm a total concert junkie! I have a horse, a dog, and a cat, who just had kittens! They're adorable! Umm...I have one younger sister, who is my best friend and I adore! She's so much more responsible than me...you'd think she was the older one.
I don't wanna give away too much personal info, so I'm not gonna say where I went to college or where I work.
I'm currently living with my parents until I can get back on my feet. And it TOTALLY. SUCKS. Seriously...
As for the boys, yes I am boy crazy, but NO, I am not a slut! I don't just sleep with guys on the first date or anything. The Model and I have known each other for...hmm...7 years now? So, I don't think sleeping with him makes me a loose whore or anything. And also, doesn't the fact that I'm in love with him give me a little credit???
((sigh)) Well, keep up the comments and I'll try to answer your questions.
Now let's get to last night...
I went out with Mitchel and Melissa, but as it turned out The Model had to head back to NY for "a fitting and a job" at the last minute, but he'll be back in a couple weeks. :)
I actually had a blast with M&M though, I totally love that girl!
We ate at Fridays and then headed to a local bar for some drinks. Melissa is SUCH a lightweight, she's hilarious! I tried to convince them to head out to midtown (my new fav party spot!) but there was no changing their minds. So after a couple drinks, I decided to text Eric (the guy from my California night) and see what he was up to.
BAD MOVE.
As soon as he told me where he was, I texted my good friend from high school, Evan to see where abouts in town he was, and it turns out he was right down the street from Eric. So I coerced Evan into meeting me there at midnight, and texted Eric to tell him that I was coming. To which he responded, "Awesome, call me when you get here".
First of all, the place was a TOTAL DIVE. Like...dark, and dirty, and really sketch. And I called Eric, but of course, he didn't answer. So Evan, his roommate (who's name I can't recall), and I went in and sat down. I tried to look around inconspicuously for Eric, but it was so freaking dark in there I could hardly make out any faces!
And then I saw him...
...Sitting at the bar making out with some dumb blonde! Ugh...
I wasn't really that broken up about it or anything; I mean he was just a random guy I made out with on a drunken night...but still. It sucks to be blown off by somebody you don't even really care about! So Evan and I laughed about it, and then we watched as he left the bar with the blonde. And I, being appalled, and somewhat catty, texted Eric saying, "Have fun with the blonde!"
Of course I got no response. I don't know why, but as I was driving home I just felt so...sad. It's like I just keep on meeting the same guy in different costumes! And they're all douchebags. I had a complete emotional breakdown on my drive home, complete with tears and emo music. Haha... But by the time I went to bed I felt better.
And this morning, I woke up to find a text from Eric that said, "She's just a friend silly, and I was totally wasted last night!"
YEA. RIGHT.
Like I'm ever going to talk to that sleazeball again...
However, I also woke up to find that my tuition refund had been deposited in my checking account over night!! WOOHOO!! So that called for some major shopping...and it just so happens that today is the first day of Nordstrom's anniversary sale. So I got a couple new outfits.
It's been so long since I've actually just been able to splurge on myself, ya know? I really needed that. And I had fun too because my good friend and super awesome cousin Jenna works there! So she was like my personal shopping assistant for the day.
And today's excitement isn't over yet! Harry Potter 7 comes out in one hour! Yes, I'm a total HP Geek. Hahaha! I'm going to Kroger to pick up the book at midnight, and then I'll probably stay up reading it till 5 am.
And I'm working tomorrow. Tomorrow is Saturday, my favorite shift of the week!
I wonder where we'll be drinking after hours this time...
Apparently somebody advertised me on Cosmo's Bedroom Blog, which means, apparently somebody actually reads this!! Which is awesome! I really like Bedroom Blog, and actually that's what gave me the idea to start this one.
And yes, I stole the "marry him and have a thousand of his babies" from there, but hey, I actually say that.
Anyways, so some of you were saying you wanted to know a little about me. Well I'm 23, and I live in Houston. I just graduated from a pretty upstanding university, but as of right now, I have NO CLUE what I want to do, which is why I'm bartending in midtown. I like to read, draw, and play the piano. I'm obsessed with music! I'm a total concert junkie! I have a horse, a dog, and a cat, who just had kittens! They're adorable! Umm...I have one younger sister, who is my best friend and I adore! She's so much more responsible than me...you'd think she was the older one.
I don't wanna give away too much personal info, so I'm not gonna say where I went to college or where I work.
I'm currently living with my parents until I can get back on my feet. And it TOTALLY. SUCKS. Seriously...
As for the boys, yes I am boy crazy, but NO, I am not a slut! I don't just sleep with guys on the first date or anything. The Model and I have known each other for...hmm...7 years now? So, I don't think sleeping with him makes me a loose whore or anything. And also, doesn't the fact that I'm in love with him give me a little credit???
((sigh)) Well, keep up the comments and I'll try to answer your questions.
Now let's get to last night...
I went out with Mitchel and Melissa, but as it turned out The Model had to head back to NY for "a fitting and a job" at the last minute, but he'll be back in a couple weeks. :)
I actually had a blast with M&M though, I totally love that girl!
We ate at Fridays and then headed to a local bar for some drinks. Melissa is SUCH a lightweight, she's hilarious! I tried to convince them to head out to midtown (my new fav party spot!) but there was no changing their minds. So after a couple drinks, I decided to text Eric (the guy from my California night) and see what he was up to.
BAD MOVE.
As soon as he told me where he was, I texted my good friend from high school, Evan to see where abouts in town he was, and it turns out he was right down the street from Eric. So I coerced Evan into meeting me there at midnight, and texted Eric to tell him that I was coming. To which he responded, "Awesome, call me when you get here".
First of all, the place was a TOTAL DIVE. Like...dark, and dirty, and really sketch. And I called Eric, but of course, he didn't answer. So Evan, his roommate (who's name I can't recall), and I went in and sat down. I tried to look around inconspicuously for Eric, but it was so freaking dark in there I could hardly make out any faces!
And then I saw him...
...Sitting at the bar making out with some dumb blonde! Ugh...
I wasn't really that broken up about it or anything; I mean he was just a random guy I made out with on a drunken night...but still. It sucks to be blown off by somebody you don't even really care about! So Evan and I laughed about it, and then we watched as he left the bar with the blonde. And I, being appalled, and somewhat catty, texted Eric saying, "Have fun with the blonde!"
Of course I got no response. I don't know why, but as I was driving home I just felt so...sad. It's like I just keep on meeting the same guy in different costumes! And they're all douchebags. I had a complete emotional breakdown on my drive home, complete with tears and emo music. Haha... But by the time I went to bed I felt better.
And this morning, I woke up to find a text from Eric that said, "She's just a friend silly, and I was totally wasted last night!"
YEA. RIGHT.
Like I'm ever going to talk to that sleazeball again...
However, I also woke up to find that my tuition refund had been deposited in my checking account over night!! WOOHOO!! So that called for some major shopping...and it just so happens that today is the first day of Nordstrom's anniversary sale. So I got a couple new outfits.
It's been so long since I've actually just been able to splurge on myself, ya know? I really needed that. And I had fun too because my good friend and super awesome cousin Jenna works there! So she was like my personal shopping assistant for the day.
And today's excitement isn't over yet! Harry Potter 7 comes out in one hour! Yes, I'm a total HP Geek. Hahaha! I'm going to Kroger to pick up the book at midnight, and then I'll probably stay up reading it till 5 am.
And I'm working tomorrow. Tomorrow is Saturday, my favorite shift of the week!
I wonder where we'll be drinking after hours this time...
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
California Dreamin'
My good friend May just got dumped by her boyfriend, who she was living with. And she's been pretty depressed lately. So last night, we decided what we really needed was a single girls' night out!
We headed out to midtown, DETERMINED to find some cute guys. And we did!
The first bar we went in wasn't really that hoppin', although it was a Tuesday night. But when the bartender gave us a couple free drinks and some shots, we decided to stay. We also decided to tell him we were just visiting from California! Don't ask me why, we just came up with this crazy plan thinking it would be fun.
Before long, everyone in the bar knew about the "two California girls" and people were buying us drinks left and right! It was awesome; didn't spend a penny! And we picked up a couple hotties.
I totally ended up making out with Eric at the bar, and in my drunken stupor I fessed up about our tall tale. Although he didn't seem to mind at the time, by this afternoon I was starting to think maybe that was why he hadn't returned my phone calls.
I did get a text from him, apologizing and explaining that he'd passed out last night, but not a whole lot since. It kinda sucks, because he was hot, and an amazing kisser! Haha... But I really am looking to connect with somebody. Being single is fun, but it's not really all that glamourous.
((sigh)) I want a companion.
Also, I found out today from Melissa that The Model is still in town, and she wants us to all get together again tomorrow night. Apparently Mitchell is setting it all up. So we'll see how that goes, considering I haven't heard from The Model since we hung out last Friday...
Oh what a world, what a world!
We headed out to midtown, DETERMINED to find some cute guys. And we did!
The first bar we went in wasn't really that hoppin', although it was a Tuesday night. But when the bartender gave us a couple free drinks and some shots, we decided to stay. We also decided to tell him we were just visiting from California! Don't ask me why, we just came up with this crazy plan thinking it would be fun.
Before long, everyone in the bar knew about the "two California girls" and people were buying us drinks left and right! It was awesome; didn't spend a penny! And we picked up a couple hotties.
I totally ended up making out with Eric at the bar, and in my drunken stupor I fessed up about our tall tale. Although he didn't seem to mind at the time, by this afternoon I was starting to think maybe that was why he hadn't returned my phone calls.
I did get a text from him, apologizing and explaining that he'd passed out last night, but not a whole lot since. It kinda sucks, because he was hot, and an amazing kisser! Haha... But I really am looking to connect with somebody. Being single is fun, but it's not really all that glamourous.
((sigh)) I want a companion.
Also, I found out today from Melissa that The Model is still in town, and she wants us to all get together again tomorrow night. Apparently Mitchell is setting it all up. So we'll see how that goes, considering I haven't heard from The Model since we hung out last Friday...
Oh what a world, what a world!
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Wee Hours
I had to close the bar last night. Most would say that sucks, but actually, Saturday closing shifts are my favorites!
We do inventory and major cleaning every Saturday night when we close, which means extra money and major drinking! Haha. Didn't finish counting tips till about 4:30am... Then we all headed over to Gill's apartment and played poker.
I had so much fun, just hanging out, passing around a bottle of Jack like its communion wine, and goofing off. I really love my coworkers, and it's always great to make new friends! And of course, there's always the super hot door guy, Gavin...
I know I sound totally boy crazy, but that's only because I'm totally boy crazy! Actually, I'm just desperate to find some kind of distraction! From Vette Guy, from The Model... I've realized that I've been selling myself short. Especially with The Model. I've been crazy about him since high school, but I know that I can't have him because he lives in NY, and even if he did live here, I still don't know that he'd want me. ((sigh)) So I've settled for these casual encounters, thinking I can handle them and not get wrapped up in it, but I SOOOO can't deal with this! I am a serial monogamist by nature. It's really hard for me to have true feelings for more than one guy at a time. Interests come and go with the wind but I'll never get over The Model. I'd hoped that once we hooked up, I'd be over it. And I've never been more wrong. ((sigh))
So I'm pretty much damned if I do, damned if I don't. I just wish I knew how to read guys' minds!! If just ONE GUY would tell me honestly how he feels about me, right off the bat, it would spare me so much time, effort, disappointment and grief. But that's what all girls wish for, isn't it?
We do inventory and major cleaning every Saturday night when we close, which means extra money and major drinking! Haha. Didn't finish counting tips till about 4:30am... Then we all headed over to Gill's apartment and played poker.
I had so much fun, just hanging out, passing around a bottle of Jack like its communion wine, and goofing off. I really love my coworkers, and it's always great to make new friends! And of course, there's always the super hot door guy, Gavin...
I know I sound totally boy crazy, but that's only because I'm totally boy crazy! Actually, I'm just desperate to find some kind of distraction! From Vette Guy, from The Model... I've realized that I've been selling myself short. Especially with The Model. I've been crazy about him since high school, but I know that I can't have him because he lives in NY, and even if he did live here, I still don't know that he'd want me. ((sigh)) So I've settled for these casual encounters, thinking I can handle them and not get wrapped up in it, but I SOOOO can't deal with this! I am a serial monogamist by nature. It's really hard for me to have true feelings for more than one guy at a time. Interests come and go with the wind but I'll never get over The Model. I'd hoped that once we hooked up, I'd be over it. And I've never been more wrong. ((sigh))
So I'm pretty much damned if I do, damned if I don't. I just wish I knew how to read guys' minds!! If just ONE GUY would tell me honestly how he feels about me, right off the bat, it would spare me so much time, effort, disappointment and grief. But that's what all girls wish for, isn't it?
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