Clarity

Ok I know it's been a while, so I have a lot to write. I'm gonna try to to this chronologically.

Last Saturday we stayed after work and played poker. It was so much fun! Annnnnnd...Gavin was there. He sat next me and we talked a bit. I know I said I was over him, but hey, he's still hot and available as far as I know! So we goofed off and drank and played cards till about 7:30 am, and then the people that were still playing decided to take the party over to DJ's house because the cleaning crew was about to show up! Gavin invited me to go smoke a bowl with him at his place, and I was soooo tempted to, just so I could hang out with him, but it was 7:30 in the morning, and I was having trouble keeping my eyes open. So I went home. He said his offer still stands anytime. So we'll see...

As for Billy, we hung out a lot this past week! I stayed at his place Thursday, Sunday, and Tuesday! We ate out, and watched movies mostly, but it was fun. I did, however, realize that my fears of not wanting a boyfriend weren't actually self-sabotage. It was the truth revealing itself to me in it's own way. The thing is, Billy is a supernice guy, and he seems to be genuinely into me, which is more than I can say for any of the guys I've dated this summer. So I guess I kinda jumped at the chance to have someone there who would appreciate me, when really, he isn't the guy for me. I mean he's great, and fun, but after the excitement of having a new guy wore off, there just wasn't any chemistry. I mean, I'm not that physically attracted to him either, and I kinda feel like I'm settling, just because he likes me. So...I'm going to have to end things with Billy. I'm just not really sure how at this point. I just don't want things to get too far, and too involved, and too messy. So it's better to end it after a week, than after a couple months. Right?? I mean this might sound awful to some of you guys, like I'm just throwing back the first good guy I find, but honestly, I'm goin' with my gut on this one.
((sigh))
In other news, I've been kind of avoiding May lately. Well, not exactly avoiding, I just didn't have any desire to hang out with her because she acts so...different! She got back with the shady ex-boyfriend, and things just went downhill from there. But of course, they broke up again, and I wanted to wait it out a little and see if it would stick. So I called her up yesterday and asked if she wanted to go to dinner. Well dinner turned into going out after we'd had a couple margaritas! Haha, but we had a blast! We got ready at my house and headed to midtown to find the party. Granted, it was a Wednesday so we weren't expecting much! We went to several different places, and they were all slow, so we finally headed over to my bar. The Albanian was working. I asked him where everybody was tonight and he said, "Why aren't you at Rich's?? DJ AM is spinning tonight!"
I had heard that DJ AM (you know, the guy who dated Nicole Richie) was going to be in town, but I didn't know when, so this was definitely a pleasant surprise. The Albanian pulled 2 tickets out of his pocket and handed them to us. We thanked him a million times and bolted out of there as fast as we could!

When we got to Rich's, the place was packed! Definitely more excitement than we had bargained for on a Wednesday night! So we valeted and headed inside. I ran into Frank, and a few other people from work and we took a couple shots. I got a cute bartenders phone number too, so I guess you could say the night was a success!! ;)
Rich's stayed open till 5 am last night, but pretty much everyone left at 2 because the bar closed. So a few of us decided to go to our favorite 24 hour restaurant for some grub. May came too of course, but then she got a mysterious phone call and someone picked her up. She called me later and said she was too tired and not feeling well so she called a friend. ((shrugs))
Anyway, so it was just Frank, The Albanian, and one of our managers whom I will call Mr. S.
After dinner/breakfast Frank asked if I wanted to stop by and see the (our) apartment, since it was just down the street. I jumped at the chance because I'm supposed to be moving in in 2 weeks!
And he wasn't kidding when he said he was doing serious work on it! The apartment looked like a construction zone! The entire place was covered in dust, and there were half finished projects everywhere! But I can tell, it's gonna look bad ass when he gets finished! I mean he completely flipped it! Haha, seriously, I told him he should work in construction. It was pretty amazing. I also told him we're having a huge house-warming party. Lol.

Ok so last, but not least, in the news, Vette Guy called me yesterday. ((sigh)) Yea...a whole 'nother can of worms. He wanted to know what I was doing tomorrow (today) because he's gonna be up at my work watching the football game. I told him I'm working at 10, and he said I should come in earlier and hang out with him. So...I dunno. I'm kinda thinkin' about it, just because after the Billy situation, maybe I need a jump start?? I dunno...maybe that's just a really really bad idea. I'm leaning towards the latter. But I'm still not sure what I'm gonna do.

I have off tomorrow, for like the first time in weeks! Melissa and I have big plans to hit the town. I got the cutest dress! Jenna's coming too, and Alyssa and Cecilia!! Her mom is taking Presley for the night so she can have a girls night out with us. It's gonna be so much fun, I can't wait! Maybe I'll meet a new hot guy...or maybe I'll just have a grand time with my girls, as always!

Mitch Of The Day:
"A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage."

Time Heals All Wounds...Physical and Otherwise

Apparently some of you are now passing judgement on me about the painkillers. And let me just say, until you've been in an abusive relationship, you have no room to talk. I'm not a pill-popper, or a druggie.
I'm 23 years old, I'm single, and I don't owe anything to anyone. I'm trying to enjoy the young years of my life while I can, and for the most part, I'm doing it responsibly. I know what happens when you mix painkillers and alcohol. That's why I only took half of one. And it was a vicoprofen, NOT a vicodin. So it's not as potent. We all have our own ways of dealing with depression and/or anxiety. Not to say that my ways of dealing are the best, but hey...if you don't like me, DON'T READ MY FUCKING BLOG AND KEEP YOUR RUDE ASS COMMENTS TO YOURSELF.

((huff))

Now I got THAT off my chest...my ankle is healing...slowly. Haha. I've been layin low and keeping ice on it. Alyssa is finally back from Cali and she's starting her new job today at none other than...MY BAR!! I got her a job cocktailing right before she left. So I'm really glad she'll be there to give me her expert opinion on the 2 dudes I'm currently crushing on. Haha.
Frank called me yesterday to make sure I was "still alive". He really is a sweetheart! I would never date him though, he's totally not my type. He's more like a...big brother type figure, if ya know what I mean. But I ended up talking to him on the phone for like an hour. He reassured me, that while I may be trying to block out the memories of Monday night, it really wasn't that bad, and I didn't make a scene. "You're one of us now!" he said. Haha... He just moved into a new apartment, and DUN DUN DUN!!! he needs a roommate! He's doing some work on it right now, but says it'll be ready in a couple months. Which would be PERFECT! I was thinking to myself I'd much rather live with a guy than a girl. All my girl roommates in the past have been unbearable. And guys are so much less drama! So hopefully in a couple of months, I'll have a little cash saved and I can move out, finally.
Also, I talked to May yesterday. She called and I figured it had been about a week, so I'd answer.
"Finally!" she said, "You can stop being mad at me now Peyton! You're my friend no matter what, so you're stuck with me!"
To which I replied, "Well stop being so flaky and I'll keep being your friend! I hope you learned your lesson!"
She assured me, she has learned her lesson. Apparently she had a complete meltdown the other day, resulting in a moment of clarity, during which she discovered she had completely lost touch with reality while dating her ex. Got behind in school, finances, work, friends, etc... So she's trying to get back on her feet now. Good for her I say!! I'm glad she's back.
Well, I'm working tomorrow at 10. I really hope I'm back on my feet by then, or else I'm screwed!!
Melissa and I are supposed to hang out Friday night, sans guys! Now that we're both rid of Mitchell and The Model. Haha! We've really bonded over that experience! Ugh...

Mitch Of The Day:
"I think Big Foot is blurry, that's the problem. There's a large out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside."

Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends

So this morning I woke up with a lot of stuff on my mind about friends.
May totally sold out on me last night, and I'm realllly get tired of it. She promised me she wouldn't flake out on me, like she usually does, and then when it came time to leave, she didn't answer the phone, or respond to any of my messages. SO! I left without her, and I have no intentions of calling her any time soon. It's just getting really old, ya know?? I mean the whole time she was with her boyfriend, it was as if she had crawled in a hole or something, and I never saw or heard from her. Except on those rare occasions when she was bored because he was working. And now that they're broken up, and she's all heart broken, she just expects all of her friends, whom she ditched for the past 8 months, to be there for her! And I mean, I love May, and I do sympathize, breakups are hard. But really!? Friendships are not one-sided. At least, they shouldn't be. And in the past 8 months, when did she ever call to see how I was doing or what was going on in my life??
Point in case.
And then there's Emma. Emma and I were inseparable at one point. In seventh grade, I had just transferred to public school, and I didn't know anybody, and of course, I was a huge nerd. But so was she! And we became best friends. Then we went through high school, and then college, and now it's like we hardly know each other at all.
I think the true test of friendship is time.
When you're in high school, it's easy to be someone's friend. You see them every day, you know all the same people... But once you graduate, and go your separate ways, you have to actually go out of your way to be there for someone. And that's when you find out who your true friends are.
I will always be a friend to Emma, but...it just isn't the same. She calls me only when it's convenient for her, or when she needs something, and I'm just tired of it! She's been dating the same guy for like 2 years now, and I love him too, but I CANNOT hang out with them. They hang all over each other constantly, and she talks to him in baby voices...it's disgusting. And she doesn't even seem to care that it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Frankly, she doesn't seem to care what I think or feel at all these days!
Now our friend from high school, Megan, is getting married in September. And she's having a shower the first weekend in August. So of course, Emma's been calling me off the hook wanting to know if I'm going, because she no longer speaks to any of those girls! And who's fault is that?!? I've really realized that Emma and I wouldn't be friends at all if it weren't for me. ((Sigh))
So, after all this thinking I've done, I have come to the conclusion that I have 5 best friends: Sophie (my sister and bestest friend in the whole world!!), Jenna (my cousin), Alyssa, Cecilia, and Izzie. I used to work with Alyssa and Cecilia. Cecilia is married and pregnant, so obviously she can't really go out or anything, Alyssa is in Cali with her boyfriend right now, my sister lives in Florida, Izzie lives in Austin and is also married, and Jenna and I only see each other once a week probably because we have opposite schedules.
I'm really glad I've started hanging out with Melissa though. Because the way things are looking, I could use a few new friends!
So what do you do about these so-called friends?? How do you tell someone that you've been friends with for years, that you don't really consider them a friend anymore? How do you tell someone that you feel you can no longer depend on them for anything?
Basically, how do you tell someone, "You're a shitty friend"??

California Dreamin'

My good friend May just got dumped by her boyfriend, who she was living with. And she's been pretty depressed lately. So last night, we decided what we really needed was a single girls' night out!
We headed out to midtown, DETERMINED to find some cute guys. And we did!
The first bar we went in wasn't really that hoppin', although it was a Tuesday night. But when the bartender gave us a couple free drinks and some shots, we decided to stay. We also decided to tell him we were just visiting from California! Don't ask me why, we just came up with this crazy plan thinking it would be fun.
Before long, everyone in the bar knew about the "two California girls" and people were buying us drinks left and right! It was awesome; didn't spend a penny! And we picked up a couple hotties.
I totally ended up making out with Eric at the bar, and in my drunken stupor I fessed up about our tall tale. Although he didn't seem to mind at the time, by this afternoon I was starting to think maybe that was why he hadn't returned my phone calls.
I did get a text from him, apologizing and explaining that he'd passed out last night, but not a whole lot since. It kinda sucks, because he was hot, and an amazing kisser! Haha... But I really am looking to connect with somebody. Being single is fun, but it's not really all that glamourous.
((sigh)) I want a companion.
Also, I found out today from Melissa that The Model is still in town, and she wants us to all get together again tomorrow night. Apparently Mitchell is setting it all up. So we'll see how that goes, considering I haven't heard from The Model since we hung out last Friday...
Oh what a world, what a world!

Model Citizens

So I found out the other night that The Model was coming into town again!!! The Model and I met in high school, before he was a model obviously. For me, it was love at first sight. Seriously. I've been obsessing over this guy since I was 16. Then he got discovered, and now he lives in NY and travels the world doing photoshoots and commercials cuz he's the hottest guy on the effing planet!!!
Naturally, I flipped out when he told me he was coming, because I had off work last night and reallllllly wanted to hang out with him. So Thursday morningish, I'm chatting on the phone about The Model with my good friend May, and he calls!!

May: You're crazy Peyton!
Me: I know...I wanna marry him and have a thousand of his babies!
May: ((laughs)) Omg, you're obsessed.
Me: Why shoudn't I be?? I have yet to find something wrong with him and he's only like, the single hottest guy in the universe!! OMG...HE'S CALLING ME!
May: Ok bye!

((clicks over))

Me: Hello?
The Model: Hey!! You got any plans tonight?
Me: No....
The Model: Cool well we're going out to dinner at Maggiano's and you're gonna be my date. So just be ready around 6:30 and show up as your usual hot self. Reservations are at 7:15.
Me: ((trying to compose myself)) Ok!

There was a little more to that conversation, but it's not important. The point is, for the first time ever, he actually asked me out ON A DATE! ((swoon)) I mean we have been known to ya know...in the past when he comes home. But it's never been like...a DATE! It always just sorta happened. And being that he lives in NY, I never bothered to try and pursue anything with him, because I just don't see how it could work out. And I love him to death, he is the goofiest guy ever, and we have so much fun! So, maybe this sounds slutty of me, but hey, when it comes to The Model, I'll take what I can get! Hahaha.

So the date was a double, with his cousin Mitchell and his date Melissa. It just so happens that Melissa and I went to high school together. Small world, I know. So we ate Italian, had a couple cocktails, goofed off. I had a blast! Then we went to visit May at her new job. She just started bartending right down the street from my bar! It was a pretty cool place. We hung out, had more drinks, joked around, got a little tipsy... And there were several sexual inuendos throughout the night. I was starting to wonder if we'd EVER make it back to his place!
But don't worry, we did!

And it was

AMAZING!

((sigh)) I can't even begin to describe the hotness! He has the body of a Greek god, only golden tan, and slightly scruffy... Now I can't stop thinking about him, which is probably a good thing, since it prevents me from thinking about Vette Guy, whom I still have not heard from. Maybe he's in jail...?
But I gotta work tonight, unfortunately. I get off at 9, but who knows where The Model will be by then, and I don't wanna seem too desperate calling him since we just hung out last night. But his trips to Houston are always too short!! And I just wanna see him as much as possible before he flies back to NY.
Well once again, at least I had a good time last night, with the hottest guy ever!