Thursday, July 26, 2007

Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends

So this morning I woke up with a lot of stuff on my mind about friends.
May totally sold out on me last night, and I'm realllly get tired of it. She promised me she wouldn't flake out on me, like she usually does, and then when it came time to leave, she didn't answer the phone, or respond to any of my messages. SO! I left without her, and I have no intentions of calling her any time soon. It's just getting really old, ya know?? I mean the whole time she was with her boyfriend, it was as if she had crawled in a hole or something, and I never saw or heard from her. Except on those rare occasions when she was bored because he was working. And now that they're broken up, and she's all heart broken, she just expects all of her friends, whom she ditched for the past 8 months, to be there for her! And I mean, I love May, and I do sympathize, breakups are hard. But really!? Friendships are not one-sided. At least, they shouldn't be. And in the past 8 months, when did she ever call to see how I was doing or what was going on in my life??
Point in case.
And then there's Emma. Emma and I were inseparable at one point. In seventh grade, I had just transferred to public school, and I didn't know anybody, and of course, I was a huge nerd. But so was she! And we became best friends. Then we went through high school, and then college, and now it's like we hardly know each other at all.
I think the true test of friendship is time.
When you're in high school, it's easy to be someone's friend. You see them every day, you know all the same people... But once you graduate, and go your separate ways, you have to actually go out of your way to be there for someone. And that's when you find out who your true friends are.
I will always be a friend to Emma, but...it just isn't the same. She calls me only when it's convenient for her, or when she needs something, and I'm just tired of it! She's been dating the same guy for like 2 years now, and I love him too, but I CANNOT hang out with them. They hang all over each other constantly, and she talks to him in baby voices...it's disgusting. And she doesn't even seem to care that it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Frankly, she doesn't seem to care what I think or feel at all these days!
Now our friend from high school, Megan, is getting married in September. And she's having a shower the first weekend in August. So of course, Emma's been calling me off the hook wanting to know if I'm going, because she no longer speaks to any of those girls! And who's fault is that?!? I've really realized that Emma and I wouldn't be friends at all if it weren't for me. ((Sigh))
So, after all this thinking I've done, I have come to the conclusion that I have 5 best friends: Sophie (my sister and bestest friend in the whole world!!), Jenna (my cousin), Alyssa, Cecilia, and Izzie. I used to work with Alyssa and Cecilia. Cecilia is married and pregnant, so obviously she can't really go out or anything, Alyssa is in Cali with her boyfriend right now, my sister lives in Florida, Izzie lives in Austin and is also married, and Jenna and I only see each other once a week probably because we have opposite schedules.
I'm really glad I've started hanging out with Melissa though. Because the way things are looking, I could use a few new friends!
So what do you do about these so-called friends?? How do you tell someone that you've been friends with for years, that you don't really consider them a friend anymore? How do you tell someone that you feel you can no longer depend on them for anything?
Basically, how do you tell someone, "You're a shitty friend"??


Anonymous said...

I know exactly how you feel. I've been friends with some women since we were in 2nd grade, and yet they have no clue what goes on in my life. They only call when they are in a crisis, have never made it to one of my baby showers (and I had 5), or even to my birthday parties, yet they expect me to always be available for them. I finally had to tell them we had grown apart, and I had no time for them. It's hard, but trust me you will be better off when you do.

-A said...

I have a best friend who up until four months ago, we were inseperable. That was until she had a new boyfriend, and now I am only good enough to be around when he isnt. I try to talk to her when things have been crappy for me, but she never has time. couple days ago she needed me because she was mad him...I hate being a friend only when its convenient. I totally understand how you feel

jodylp1 said...

Oh, it's hard all right when you grow up & realize that it's just hard to stay close. With several of my friends, we only talk once or twice a year. But that is OK, for us. We tell eachother that if something truly bad happens, of course we will be there for eachother.

Sometimes, that is just growing up. It sucks but its natural to make your man your focus. In the end, if things work out, this is the person you will share a house & life with, bills & children, financial scares & in-laws.

I know its hard to be friends with someone that is treating you this way. & only you can make the decision if you want to keep in touch. Generally in you mid 20's is when you break from your old friends and make your new ones. : )

Annie said...

I know that feel also. Cause when i moved to WV from MI to live with my now husband. All my so call friends said they would call me all the time and after a week living in WV, all my "friends " stop talking to me. and i have been friends with them since the 6th grade and we all been thur a LOT together. And Now i live in this state with out any friends, and i miss the, a TON.

jehara said...

my best friend from high school was like during high school and college. it was infuriating. she eventually outgrew it though. there were periods where we were friends and not friends because of it. we are still really close now and consider ourselves sisters. other friends i let go of. i just stopped talking to them. they weren't making the effort so i stopped. some people it's worth the effort to stick through it and others aren't. it's up to you to determine which ones are and which ones aren't. and make new friends in the meantime.