Sunday, July 29, 2007

All My Exes Live In Texas; The Guys I WANT Live Elsewhere...

Ok this is gonna be long!

First, let me talk about Friday night. After work, a bunch of people decided to go to this after hours club. It was pretty ghetto, but we had fun, and drank some more. Gavin AND The Albanian were there too. I tried to inconspicuously ask some of the girls I work with about the "single guys". Both of them told me Gavin and The Albanian were very available.
So when the club closed, at like 5, we headed over to some guys house, who I'd never met. By this point, Gavin was totally hitting on me! And I'm not gonna lie, I flirted back. So we drank a little more, and then Gavin busted out with his reefer stash. Haha, so we smoked a little. I know, I'm so bad!
Gavin was soooo baked though, it was hilarious! Then finally at like 7 we decided to call it a night, er...morning. So overall, Friday was a success!

Last night, however, was a total bust. I should have known this would happen.
Melissa and I had dinner at El Patio first, that was fun. Then we drove over to the bar where Mitchell's going away party was. By this time, I had halfway convinced myself that That Model wasn't going to be there. But they showed up a little after we did, and he was there. At first I was excited. He finally got a haircut and he looks gorgeous.
I invited him to go to the Tommy Bahama party with me tomorrow night, and he seemed excited about it and said he'd let me know tomorrow if he can go or not. Then some stupid blonde girl (why is it always a blonde!?) started talking to him, and flirting with him. Literally throwing herself at him... They used to date in like 9th grade or something. ((sigh)) I literally could not stand the sight of it. So I left to go walk around. Vette Guy AND Eric The Skeaze both made appearances last night. It was weird. I actually talked to Eric The Skeaze for a while; Vette Guy and I exchanged pleasantries. He was there with some other blonde. She was sweet, but uh...not so cute. It felt really good to blow him off and go back to the party.
But yea, back to the party...The Model was still with that girl. He hardly said 2 words to me. I saw her kiss him once. It was one of those, grab his face suddenly and plant one on him type of kisses. And he actually had the gall to look at me and say, "I just got a kiss! Did you see that!?"
After that, I left. Mitchell had been talking about getting a hotel room and continuing the party, but I kept getting mental images of The Model and The Blonde in a hotel room, and it was making me sick. I cried the whole way home, and then some more when I got there. It was horrible. And today I feel like shit. Not physically, just...worn down.
I can't get over him.
No matter how hard I try...over the years it's always been him for me. I compare every guy I ever date to him! I guess I've always hoped that one day, when he decides he's tired of modeling, he'll want to find a girl and be in a relationship. And I hoped I'd still be in the picture at that point. But right now, I just feel like it's probably better for me if I never talk to him again. Because he hurts me so bad and he doesn't even know it. I can't tell him how I feel, because it would be fruitless and disturb the balance. It's like teetering on the edge of a really high cliff with jagged rocks below me. ((sigh))
What do I DO????

Mitch Of The Day:
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. "


Traversing Changes said...

Wow! What a dilemma...Now I've found myself in the same situation, when you just compare every possible love interest with an Ex-, the only advice I can give you is to fully digest his memory and then get rid of it, and simply move on... I know easier said than done, but it IS doable.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I totally can relate to what you're feeling about the model...


still enjoying reading it :)

Chrissy said...

I know exactly how you're feeling! It's going to take some time to get over The Model but you have to do it, if you don't, you're going to keep comparing him to every guy you meet. Try not to have contact with him and hopefully the hurt will slowly go away....I'm looking forward to the next post!!!

Anonymous said...

i think you should tell the model how you feel once and for all, at leats if he know what your feelings are towards him he should be able to tell you how HE feels towards you, that way if he does feel the same way, well good for you and if he doesnt at least it ll be less hard to move on and to forget about him.
P.S. love reading your blog its amazing how we can relate to yous adventure! thanks!