Changes Are Afoot

Ughh I know I've been so bad at this. It's hard to find motivation to write, when everything seems so stagnant, and/or depressing.
I've been struggling financially and also with trying to figure out what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. I love doing photography, but I'm not making enough money. My mom keeps trying to get me to take up bartending again, but I just can't. It would feel like a big step backwards, even if it would help me out financially. And the fact that I'm paying exorbitant amounts of money on my student loans every month, loans towards an education in photography, which I'm proud to say I'm actually pursuing, it would just seem like a total waste to pay back that money with earnings from a BARTENDING job. Ugh... I know everyone struggles with identity crises and financial issues, and everyone does things they don't like or don't want to do to survive. But how do you know what's worth it??
I've applied for personal assistant jobs, art gallery jobs, other kinds of photography jobs... Nothing has come through yet, and I'm barely treading water. ((Sigh))

Anyway, the thing that led me here today, the reason I was actually inspired to write is because I do have some good news. I met someone. And he's different. I know, I know, they're all "different"...
But he is difference because he makes me laugh. He makes me laugh with the weird, silly things he does and says. He doesn't seem to care if I might think he's deranged, or a total freak, but I don't think those things, because the weird stuff he does and says makes me laugh! And I think to myself, Seems like something I would do. And he's confident, but not cocky. He makes a plans for our next date while we're on our current one. He kissed me on our second date, but it was a quick, almost chaste kiss. And it just continued to build from there. And I find myself thinking about him more and more, wanting to be with him more and more... But I'm trying very hard to resist my usual tendency to jump in with both feet. I don't wanna get ahead of myself. I spent the night at his place for the first time last night. And I didn't sleep with him. He definitely tried, but I kept redirecting his efforts until he finally asked why I was being so "squirrelly". Lol. I said because I didn't want to have to tell him that I wasn't going to sleep with him tonight. He asked why, not in a petulant way, but just in a curious way. And I said because I want to err on the side of caution, and he said he respects that. Things still got a bit hot and heavy after that, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it and wasn't seriously tempted to sleep with him anyway. ((Sigh)) He was just as rough as I like it, and the way he kissed me it was like he was devouring me, it was just so...sexy. Ah!!
This morning we woke up super early because his room is so bright. He got up and started making coffee, but I didn't stay. I felt terrible leaving Jasper home alone, and I knew I was going to need a nap. I never sleep well the first night in a new guy's bed. Especially when there wasn't even sex! So I basically spent this entire day in bed, intermittently eating donuts, and constantly thinking about Brett, wanting to text him, but not doing it. We did see each other several times this week, so a little distance is probably healthy for a day or 2. He has been pestering me about coming over to my place but... My mom and I decided to tear up the carpet in the living room last week (there are hardwood floors underneath) so it's a total disaster area! Plus, my sister is out of town, and I'm watching her cats, and Brett doesn't know I have 2 cats. He knows about one of them, and Jasper, but...lol. I'd rather just sorta ease him into the zoo that is my life. But really it's just too messy over here right now. And his place is SOOO neat it barely looks lived in. He's an architect and he built and decorated the whole place himself. I'm afraid he'll come over, see the state of chaos I live in and go running for the hills. ((Sigh)) All the more reason for me to want to get my shit together.
Ohhhh what to do, what to do...

Inside My Bubble

This morning I woke up to some suggestive texts from Jamie. We started chatting, nothing too hot and heavy or anything, just flirtatious. Something about him being a gentleman came up, and then out of nowhere, he drops this bomb on me...
(He's in grey, I'm in blue)

I haven't stopped agonizing about it ever since. For one, I didn't realize he wasn't dating before now. I mean why wasn't he?
Secondly, why did he tell me this, really? I mean...ok maybe he did just want to be transparent with me, which is nice, but I haven't felt the need to mention my hookups with Chris or Adam in the past because...I don't know, it just didn't seem necessary. And neither of them were guys I seriously dated.
So does he really like this girl and he's trying to give me a heads up that I should expect less from him in the future? Like, maybe he's not the casual dating type, and this is a big deal? Should I not expect him to visit in the new year?
Was he just trying to gauge my response to him telling me that? Or trying to find out if I was dating anyone?
It seems like if that was the case, he could have just asked.
Ugh, I just don't know. And I just keep getting this sinking feeling that I'm going to end up right back where I was almost a year ago with Lane. Alone, heartbroken, and feeling like I just wasted a lot of time investing in something completely pointless. And I wanted to talk to Jamie about it so badly, but... Then I kept thinking, Well what would this friend tell me to do? etc. and I realized that I don't really have any friends who can advise me in these kinds of situations! Sophie would probably tell me to talk to him, but she is HORRIBLE at dating, and lets dudes walk all over her. So I definitely can't trust her advice. Bethany would say I'm overreacting and to just let it ride and don't freak out on him because I always give guys too much information and that's why I scare them off. Taryn would say something sweet, in an attempt to be supportive, but she can't really relate, bc if it were HER in this situation instead of me, Jamie would have already bought his plane ticket to Nola and be looking for jobs here and planning to move next year. ((Sigh))
So I texted Izzie, because in general, she's the best at listening, and asking the right questions before giving advice. Only problem is, as she pointed out, she hasn't been on the dating scene in over ten years and it's like a completely different planet to her now. But she listened anyway, and she said I need to talk to him about ASAP, if only for the sake of scheduling purposes. Because if Jamie going out with this girl means he won't be going to Bethany's wedding with me, then I need to know that, at least. And I guess in an effort to spare my own possible heartbreak, it's better that I get ahead of the situation if he's got one foot out the door already.
Ugh, I really hate having to break down all this shit and act so pragmatically about everything. I wish I could just do what feels right, but nothing feels right anymore! I keep finding myself in these shitty long distance situations and it sucks! It always starts out fine, just as a distraction, or someone to talk to and connect with, but then it ends up growing into something more, without me even realizing it! And before I know it I need this person, and I think about them constantly throughout the day, even if it's subconscious. And then the thought of no longer having that relationship in my life jerks me back to reality. And when it's gone, there's this huge void. And I desperately try to fill it, usually with stupid shit that only gets me into more trouble...
I'm tearing up even as I type this because I'm remembering that feeling that seemed to pervade everything in those weeks after Langston left. It was like I'd been floating around in this nice little bubble, and then suddenly it popped and I was just hurtling through space, flailing desperately for a handhold.
I don't want to go back there. It terrifies me.

Superman Returns

Every time I write him off, he pops back into the picture! It's like he can sense these things. Ugh... Adam texted me at 7:30am yesterday! He said he was getting off work at noon, and asked if I wanted to go day drinking with him. Under normal circumstances, I totally would have gone. But my circumstances yesterday were anything but normal. For one thing, it was 7:30am and I was barely awake. So my responses were rather brief and unenthusiastic (which is good). Secondly, I woke up with a UTI Tuesday morning, and had a doctor's appt yesterday at 2:45, and then an afternoon/evening full of piano lessons. Not to mention, once I actually got out of bed, I ended up spending most of the morning in the bathroom because of my stupid UTI. Thankfully, that's under control now, thanks to antibiotics. This is the world's way of letting me know that I can't have it all. And by "it all" I just mean sex. ((Sigh)) So anyway, I turned Adam down, but he continued to text me, and then said he might be able to go out later, after my piano lessons, but of course, that didn't happen. I dunno what he did all day yesterday, but he said he didn't go out, because "no one wanted to go with him". Lol. Boo hoo. It just figures he wouldn't ask me to hang out once during his week off, and then on his first day back at work, a day which I just happened to be really miserable and busy, he suddenly wants my company. ((Eye roll)) What am I gonna do about him?? This is just NOT working for me. But I can't really seem to resist him either. Blargh.

Late Night Musings with Adam

So just when I thought time was about to run out on Adam, he texted me in the middle of the night. And it just happened, I was awake. So we're chatting for a bit, and he suggests I come over. I'm like, "It's almost 4 in the morning..." and then this conversation happened. Sorry it's so long, but shit got a bit heavier than I anticipated and I want your thoughts.

So he must have passed out at this point, because our correspondence was getting more and more delayed, and since he told me he was probably gonna sleep another full day, I'm not surprised that I still haven't heard from him. I expect I will late tonight again. So since it HAS basically been 3 weeks since I've seen him, I feel like at this point, I would be totally fine with just not seeing him again. I mean not totally fine, but...it's not like I'd be smarting from rejection. I'm just not sure if that's really what this is? He said he'd be willing to try, I'm just not sure if he wants to. I dunno. The fact that we haven't seen each other in so long probably makes it easier for him to part ways as well. So part of me wants to give him another chance to be crazy about me, and part of me wants to just quit while we're ahead if this is going to be a waste of time. He seems like a great guy, and I like him, and I'd like to continue seeing him if this possibly has a future, but if he's not into it then....? Maybe it's just not meant to be. So what do you guys think?
P.S. "Murder Porn" means binge watching crime dramas lol.

Dating Is The Worst

So I still haven't seen Adam since our ONE date, last Monday/Tuesday. I'm trying really hard to stay positive and not overanalyze, but let me present both sides and you all can judge for yourselves. PLEASE comment and give me your opinions.

CONS
This feels a lot like when a guy is either just not that into me, or he's not looking to get into a relationship, so he tries not to encourage the girl too much. Like, we went on the one date, and then had sex, so maybe he feels he doesn't need to pursue me anymore. Or maybe he just got what he wanted out of it and he's hoping it'll just fizzle. Over the last 4 days, our texting has slowed and I feel like I've been doing most of the initiation/driving the conversation. This worries me because I think I'm a pretty intuitive person, and generally when I start getting this vibe from someone, especially this early on, I just wanna let it go and move on before it gets worse.

PROS (or more aptly, Reasons/Excuses Why He May Seem Disinterested)
He has kept in touch with me throughout his work week, even if some of our messages were few and far between. And he did tell me it would be really hard for him to do anything during his work week because his schedule is so wack. He gets called in at weird hours, and sometimes has to work through the night and then try to sleep at the station while he waits for another ship to bring him back to the city. And then maybe the next day he works during the day and he's tired the whole shift, but then he can't sleep at night. So he doesn't sleep well and he doesn't sleep much during work weeks and is rarely home. I get that.
I was kinda hoping to maybe see him last night, because his work weeks begin and end on Wednesdays, so I knew he'd be off, but he told me an old professor of his was in town so he was going to meet up with him.
The other thing is, he's flying to LA today to meet with his friend who wants him to basically be a COO of his company or some shit. And he told me on our date that he was really nervous about it, because he doesn't have any experience in that area and he doesn't think he has enough confidence to really "own a room". He even went to the bookstore and bought a couple books on business and about being confident. So I know he's probably had a lot of his mind with that, and he won't be back until Sunday or Monday, I can't remember which.
I did tell him he'd probably be getting some drunk texts from me this weekend while he's in LA, since Sophie is here and we're going out Friday night, and he'll be 2 hours behind over there. His response was that he loves drunk texts, so that is encouraging.
The other thing is, he told me he would always be honest with me and he specifically said that if he's seeing someone and he's just not into them, that he would TELL that person that. He actually told me the last girl he briefly dated was a setup by one of his neighbors, and it turned out that they didn't really have chemistry. So he broke it off, and told her he just didn't see it going anywhere, but she still texts him apparently. So I would hope that if he wasn't into me, he would do me the same courtesy, and just tell me. And then I would NOT continue to text him.


Ok so that's everything I think. But I haven't heard from him at all today, and he hasn't even left yet. Although he did say he was getting a massage today and he sleeps a lot when he finishes a work week. Probably nice to be back in his own bed (which is super comfy, btw). So what do I do? Do I send him a text and wish him a safe flight and good luck etc, or do I wait and just drunk text him tomorrow night? Do I ask him if he wants to get together next week? Or do I do neither and wait till he gets back and see if I hear from him?
Did I completely misread him and he's blowing me off and I'm just too in denial to see it??
UGhhhh dating is the worst.

I just don't know...

I don't know what's going on anymore. We had a conversation the other day that left me feeling really weird... We were talking about our careers and futures, and I could tell he was having kind of a bad day. Feeling stuck in a rut because his day job is boring, and he wants to do more of what he loves, and work more towards his goals, but he needs the money/financial stability from his day job. So anyway, I could just tell he was feeling a little down, so I sent him a sexy pic. Implied nude, very classy. And this was his response, and the conversation that followed...

So obviously, not very encouraging. :/ I didn't text him again after that, but he did include me in some group email about the Golden Globes. We didn't talk for 2 days after that, until last night when he texted me. I was so shocked at first after not talking to him for 2 days that I freaked out a little lol. Then I waited a bit for responding. We had previously talked about the 16 personalities and what ours are, just for reference. Here is that convo...

That was it. I didn't text him back after that. Notice how I dropped that hint about planning trips? A perfect opportunity for him to suggest coming to California and he didn't. ((Sigh)) I just get the feeling he's trying to distance himself from me. I don't know if it's because I had sex with him and he got what he wanted and that's it, or if it's because he thinks it's the logical thing to do since we live so far apart, or if it's because he thinks I'm more into him than he is into me and he wants to discourage me. I just DON'T KNOW. I'm not feeling as depressed as I was before about it, I'm feeling a bit better, but still sad. He's just so...wonderful and smart, and funny, and he makes me feel sexy, and confident when I'm with him. Like, I don't feel insecure, or awkward, or self-conscious, or worry if he likes me. I just feel happy!

Happy New Year...I Hope

The past few days were a total whirlwind...of fun, of romance, of a happiness and satisfaction I had almost forgotten I could even feel. And even though I know I should feel grateful and happy about that experience, all I feel now is the most profound sense of loss and sadness because that time is over now, and he's gone. It was just so wonderful to feel a part of something that wasn't just me. To be not alone. But having experienced that after so long, has just made my sense of loneliness now even more acute. I just feel so full of all the things I wish I had done or said. And I'm worried that I may always wonder what could have been. A part of me, in the back of my mind, thinks I might be in love with him, but that's too terrifying to admit, and the fact that I don't really know how he feels about me, just makes everything all the more confusing. The truth is, that despite the odds, and the distance between us, in age and geography, I would be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. At least to give it a shot. I was uncertain of that before, but now I know. I'm just so scared to tell him how I feel, because I know that in taking that plunge, I have to be prepared to hear the response I don't want. And that would break my heart. And for the sake of myself, I'd have to take a huge step back from all this. Maybe not talk to him at all, which would be nearly impossible, and also could mean would I be losing a great friendship.
I feel so stupid and naive, because I knew this would likely not end well. It's dangerous to look forward to something so much, knowing it's only fleeting. I knew that I should keep my feelings out of it, but I couldn't do that, and this is all on me. I'm such a fool.
Sophie says I should talk to him. I talked with her about it this morning, as I was crying on my way home from dropping Lane at the airport. She said, "Well, you can see a way that it would work and you obviously want that, so you should tell him. Otherwise you're just allowing yourself to be in this limbo because you're afraid of not getting what you want so you're willing to settle for whatever he's willing to give. And investing a lot into it and then feeling this way. You can speculate all you want, but you won't know anything real unless you talk to him."

I know she's right, I have to talk to him. But he's actually in the air right now, and I think I'm gonna give it a couple days. Neither of us had much sleep in the last 3 days, and there was a lot of alcohol and sex happening, which can leave anyone feeling pretty raw. Like coming down from a 3 day high. It's rough. And I don't think I'm capable of keeping my emotions in check right now, since all I've been doing is intermittently crying and sleeping all day.
I'm worried for myself about what this could possibly do to me. When did I become such a fragile person, that 3 days with one guy could transform me from a relatively stable, not necessarily happy, but...comfortable just being single person, to a total love-sick train wreck?

Convo with Lane

Please help me to decipher this. I've been agonizing over it for the last several hours, and I know my tendency to over analyze, I just need other opinions/interpretations so I can get my head right before he gets here. Also, I don't know why the middle section is smaller...sorry lol. Oh, and I'd had like a whole bottle of wine when we had this conversation. He wasn't entirely sober either. I like him. I want...I dunno. I want possibilities. I wanna hope that this can be something more, but I don't want to set myself up for disappointment. And I also want this to be fun! I don't wanna be stressing out over this the whole time he is here. HELP MEEEEE!!!! I'm desperate. Seriously.

Conflicted

A while back I reminded all of you about Lane, a guy I met and briefly dated in Chicago. We got back in touch a little over a year ago, and have stayed in touch ever since, even though we haven't actually seen each other. We talk all the time! I mean actually talk, not text. We FaceTime at least once a week, and text almost every day. We've become pretty good friends I'd say, but I'm still in this same predicament. Am I being stupid? Is it pointless to continue this? I would be willing to commit to a relationship with him at this point IF we saw each other and things were as great in person as they are now, and IF he was willing to give it a shot, of course. I haven't told any of this to him though because I'm not sure if he feels the same way, and I don't wanna scare him off. He did talk about coming to NOLA for New Year's Eve this year, and he said a couple of his friends were down for the trip, but that was like 2 or 3 weeks ago, and he hasn't brought it up again since. ((Sigh)) I just feel like the more we talk, and the more we get to know each other, the more comfortable I get with him, and the more I depend on him, and the more I like him. And I don't want to develop strong feelings for him if there's no possibility of a relationship or anything. I'm no longer interested in just having flings with people. This is just getting so frustrating! I don't know what to do! Do I try to bring it up over the phone and sort of feel him out, or do I wait and see if he ends up coming down here for NYE? And if he does come, and there are fireworks, do I bring it up then, or wait and see what happens? And if he doesn't come, do I just keep on with this indefinite slightly more than friends friendship or what?? I wonder if he ever thinks about this kinda stuff. I doubt it. Ugh...

AHHHH!!!

OH god....I'm having a miniature panic attack right now, because I just went back and read all my posts about BJ. And in one post in particular, I talked about him having a really small penis. THAT is something that I don't think I could get over.
So now what have I gotten myself into!? We've been texting since Friday! I can't just stop talking to him out of the blue! I mean what would I say, "Sorry I just remembered you have a small penis." ?????????
Plus, he's going to be here in a month! What do I doooooooooo??
I am such an idiot. I definitely need to scale it back or....or something! HELP!

What Do I Do??

You guys this is killing me. I'm a total mess. I've been crying and listening to Taylor Swift all day. When I left his place yesterday, which is the noise you hear at the end of the recording, he sent me a message, about 15 minutes later that said, "I don't know where all this is coming from, but i just want you to know i would not use you, and i was giving this a real shot. this sucks..."
I didn't respond at the time, because I was too upset. But I thought about everything, long and hard and around 3am, I wrote him back.

"Look, i heard that you went out with stephanie last weekend purely by coincidence. And i'm not going to tell you who, so don't bother asking. No one was trying to throw you under the bus. But you have NO IDEA how it felt to hear that... I seriously thought I could trust you, but I literally spent most of today second guessing everything you've ever said to me. Just when I was starting to get used to the idea of you being around, and really developing feelings for you and its like I really don't think you're being honest with me. What am I supposed to do [Brazil]?? I've been burned too many times. This fucking sucks for me a lot more than it sucks for you. That seriously hurt me. I just wish you have been honest with me about it. I've been very accommodating and understanding through all of this, but I'm tired of being your backup. I deserve better than that and you know it. Work your shit out with stephanie."

He never responded. How is possible for me to miss him so much already?? I know you guys all think he's a jerk, and I shouldn't let him explain himself, but I wanna talk to him so bad! He's on facebook chat right now and I'm just so tempted to reach out to him... But I don't know if it's a good idea. I'm just too emotional right now. ((Sigh))

I Stumbled Upon Something Bad...

I stayed with Brazil last night, everything was fine and dandy. We talked about stuff, mainly Stephanie, his ex. He said she keeps trying to contact him and it's bringing him down blablabla... I basically told him I was getting tired of hearing about Stephanie all the time, because I don't know what he wants me to do with this information! I mean there's nothing I can do about it. So how is that supposed to make me feel that he's constantly thinking about his ex, and getting all depressed over her? ((Sigh)) He said he was sorry, and that he's trying to get over her, but he can't just change his number, more blablabla.
So then this morning, he left early for work and I slept till like noon. When I got up, I went to his computer to check my email, facebook, etc. Well the browser opened automatically to his facebook, cuz he never signs out. And I saw a conversation open with some girl named Britney. And I saw the name Stephanie in that conversation, so I read it. Maybe it was against my better judgement, but guess what?? He apparently just broke up with her over the weekend!! Read below...

Britney: What's going on?

Brazil: broke up with the girl I was seeing this weekend :/

Britney: I didn't know you were seeing anyone. I'm so sorry. It just wasn't working out? What happened?

Brazil: it's a really long and sad story

Britney: Just tell me

Brazil: well i'm just heartbroken, I really fell for her, big time. I just feel used, and I am so angry, frustrated and sad

Britney: What did she do?

Brazil: Several things since I met her, but this weekend it reached the point where I had enough

Britney: What was the breaking point?

Brazil: this will be long so bear with me:

Britney: Ok

Brazil: So, she had to be away during valentine's day. She was doing training for her company in Ohio. Understandable, I had no problems with that at all.

Brazil: So we planned to celebrate our valentine's day on friday when she got back, i'd pick her up in the airport and we would have dinner afterwards

Brazil: i don't know if you know, but I don't have a car

Brazil: so I rented one, bought a nice card, bought a super nice gift (which i knew she really wanted already), made a reservation at this awesome restaurant in the burbs, I basically made sure she would have a great night once she got here

Britney: wow [Brazil], wow

Brazil: at first when she arrived, everything seemed to be fine, she seemed to be super happy to see me, she really enjoyed the gifts too, so far so good.

Brazil: Then at dinner, everything went fine, the food was great, we had wine, she enjoyed her meal, all good.

Brazil: then we drove back to her place, so we could spend the night together once we got there, she basically didn't even let me go up, saying she was too tired and wanted to be alone. 

Brazil: lets not forget she didn't give me shit for vday, just for the record. as soon as she left the car, i just could not believe what happened

Britney: oh boy

Brazil: then, the next day, she refused to answer the phone all day, completely ignoring me. That's when i said i had enough. She's done this several times before, so it was not like it was the first time.

Brazil: not to say that all the times i was at the hospital she did not come visit me once, one of the times she said she couldn't because she was having dinner with her girlfriends

Britney: Omg [Brazil], that would have been it for me right there

Brazil: so the dinner on friday, i was kinda giving it a last try, made sure i tried everything. i made sure i did everything as best as I could, so if something went wrong, i knew it would not have been my fault.

Brazil: and then, that shit happened, so I finally gave up

Britney: I'm sorry to hear that.

Yea, I'm sorry to hear that too, because I never want to see Brazil again. He fucking lied to me! After all that BULLSHIT about being honest, not matter what! He fucking lied. And what if he was sleeping with her?!? I feel like such a fool. I should have known better. He's young, he's not over his ex, wtf was I thinking!?? I know this is bad karma for reading a private conversation, but I guess it's better that I know. I just don't know what to do now. I mean I can't unlearn this information, and I can't pretend I don't know about it either. But how I can tell him I know?? What do I say to him?? And is it sad that there's some part of me that's hoping he'll have some sort of valiant explanation and everything will work out??

Oh yea, before I forget, guess who just sent me a friend request on facebook?? THE MODEL. Ughh.....

I Think I'm In Trouble...

You know what really sucks about dating?
That moment when you first realize how much you actually care about someone. When you realize that you need them. It's like losing a sense of independence. It's remembering that only a couple of months ago, you never had to rely on anyone but yourself. It's like having to use crutches when you used to be able to stand up on your own. And it's really fucking scary. Because if you lose those crutches, you have to learn to walk on your own all over again.

FML Right Now!

I'm really pissed. For one, I've been trying since November to get my shift covered at work this Friday night. But NO ONE will take it, because Warren's band is having a show that night and everybody wants to go. But I'm leaving for Orlando tomorrow morning! So wtf am I supposed to do1!? UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

Second, I'm already getting irritated with Matt because he's just...I don't know, not being attentive enough? He sent me a text yesterday morning asking me if I was going to be working that night, cuz he was thinking of coming by. I told him yes I was working, and he should definitely come in. I didn't hear from again, but much later, when I was actually at work, and I was bored out of my mind, I text him again. I just said something, "Hey are you still planning on swinging by cuz there's like 2 people at the bar right now and I'm really bored!"

A couple hours later, he responded with, "If you haven't noticed by now I'm quite possibly the world's worst texter. I put my phone down to cook and attempt to fix my place up, which resulted in drinking beer and talking with my neighbors."

I waited about 45 minutes before responding, because I didn't want to seem too needy. But i said, "Haha well you should come drink beer and talk to me instead."

No response.

At 8:30 this morning, when I was obviously, fast asleep, he wrote me again. "See I passed out at like 10 last night to get up at 6. My friend said he saw you however and that you looked bored out of your mind."

I didn't even bother responding to this one till like 3pm. Lol. I slept till noon, and then I was doing stuff. But I said, "Your friend was there last night? I WAS bored out of my mind!"

And so far, I haven't gotten a response and it's been just over 2 hours. Am I overreacting? I know I have a tendency to do that, but I just can't tell if he's blowing me off, or just trying to keep me on the backburner, or if he's just busy, or what! I just don't know! I mean if he wanted to blow me off, why text me at all? Why tell me he wanted to come see me at the bar?
But if he is interested, why doesn't he just write back? It takes like 2 seconds to write a text message! I have all these conflicting thoughts flying through my head right now and on top of the mood I'm already in, it's driving me crazy.

Plus, I'm leaving tomorrow. ((Sigh))