Back to the Basics

After the conversation with Adam, I didn't hear from him the next day, so I assumed he was blowing me off. Then when I did talk to him finally, he told me he'd gone to play trivia with some friends Thursday night...!?!?! So that also pissed me off and that was when I decided, "Ok, I'm done", which was I think when I left that comment in response to the mean, anonymous commenter. I know I'm not perfect, and I make mistakes, but I'm still a fucking person! With FEELINGS. Whoever you are "Anonymous", maybe it's cool for you to use tough love on your friends, but I'm not your friend. You've never met me. You only know about me, what I choose to share with you and this..."relationship", for lack of a better word, that I have with you all as readers is obviously very one-sided. So keep that in mind before you decide to kick me when I'm down.
Anyway, so I decided I wasn't gonna waste anymore time waiting around for Adam, and get on with my life. He did text me back later that night saying "Hmmmmm" and then "Hello??" but I was already asleep and didn't bother responding the next morning.
Lauren's Dad passed away on Friday, and Carrie was here to pick up the puppy, but in light of all the tragedy, we didn't really go out Friday or Saturday night. We did go out Saturday during the day though. I had to work early in the morning. I got to take photos from the back of a motorcycle of a 10k race that was going on. It was pretty fun! And I posted a selfie of me and the guy driving the bike on Facebook. After work, Lauren said she needed a distraction, and a group of guys was in town for a bachelor party and she knew one of them. So we went out to lunch and drinks with them for a little day drinking. I was having a good time, and trying to keep Lauren laughing and distracted. I'm pretty good at that. Then I got a Facebook message from Adam, asking me if I'd had fun on the motorcycle that morning. I ignored him. Then 2 hours later, he sent me the same exact message via text! I ignored that too. At first... After I'd had a couple drinks I lost my will power and responded. I just figured, if he's sent me 4 messages in the last 12 hours with no response, he must actually still wanna talk to me...right?
But I played it really cool with him. Answered his questions, but didn't ask him any, not leaving the door open for more conversation unless he initiated it. And he did! So we chatted for a bit and then I decided when the conversation was over.
The next day, Sunday, I woke up with a sore throat and had to work in the rain for like 5 hours, which was really helpful. I was too busy to think about Adam really, but still, I waited for him to text first, and he did. I did the same thing yesterday and he texted again. I've been trying to maintain my distance, and not be so available, and...it worked! He came over last night, and we watched a scary movie and snuggled and had awesome sex. Several times. Both of us are basically sick now, so we were like what the hell? This morning we watched a couple episodes of Seinfeld this morning, before he had to leave to go to the doctor. Now I'm drinking hot tea and watching TV in bed as I type this.
I'm gonna try to keep doing what I've been doing the last couple days with Adam. I mean, I know he likes me, and he knows what I want. And it's not like I want that RIGHT NOW, I just don't want to waste anymore time if that's not an eventual possibility. But we kept it light last night. I probably won't see him again till next Wednesday, because on Saturday, I'm going to Orlando with Sophie, Dad, and his girlfriend, Laurel, who I LOVE, and we're gonna go back to Harry Potter World, of course, and I'm so excited!! And I won't get back till Wednesday the 6th of April, which happens to be the last day of Adam's work week. So we'll see what happens. I'm trying to play it cool, but I still feel pretty positive about it.

I just don't know...

I don't know what's going on anymore. We had a conversation the other day that left me feeling really weird... We were talking about our careers and futures, and I could tell he was having kind of a bad day. Feeling stuck in a rut because his day job is boring, and he wants to do more of what he loves, and work more towards his goals, but he needs the money/financial stability from his day job. So anyway, I could just tell he was feeling a little down, so I sent him a sexy pic. Implied nude, very classy. And this was his response, and the conversation that followed...

So obviously, not very encouraging. :/ I didn't text him again after that, but he did include me in some group email about the Golden Globes. We didn't talk for 2 days after that, until last night when he texted me. I was so shocked at first after not talking to him for 2 days that I freaked out a little lol. Then I waited a bit for responding. We had previously talked about the 16 personalities and what ours are, just for reference. Here is that convo...

That was it. I didn't text him back after that. Notice how I dropped that hint about planning trips? A perfect opportunity for him to suggest coming to California and he didn't. ((Sigh)) I just get the feeling he's trying to distance himself from me. I don't know if it's because I had sex with him and he got what he wanted and that's it, or if it's because he thinks it's the logical thing to do since we live so far apart, or if it's because he thinks I'm more into him than he is into me and he wants to discourage me. I just DON'T KNOW. I'm not feeling as depressed as I was before about it, I'm feeling a bit better, but still sad. He's just so...wonderful and smart, and funny, and he makes me feel sexy, and confident when I'm with him. Like, I don't feel insecure, or awkward, or self-conscious, or worry if he likes me. I just feel happy!

Convo with Lane

Please help me to decipher this. I've been agonizing over it for the last several hours, and I know my tendency to over analyze, I just need other opinions/interpretations so I can get my head right before he gets here. Also, I don't know why the middle section is smaller...sorry lol. Oh, and I'd had like a whole bottle of wine when we had this conversation. He wasn't entirely sober either. I like him. I want...I dunno. I want possibilities. I wanna hope that this can be something more, but I don't want to set myself up for disappointment. And I also want this to be fun! I don't wanna be stressing out over this the whole time he is here. HELP MEEEEE!!!! I'm desperate. Seriously.