Nothing's Coming Up

So I ended up spending the night at Adam's on Friday. It was pretty last minute. I was out with Lauren, and he was apparently drinking at some work function and he asked me to come over. I almost said no, but then I thought about the fact that Chris just left town, so it could be a while before I get any action lol. So I went over there. We stopped at a bar and had one drink, then we went up to his penthouse and watched an episode of Jeopardy. Lol. Then we went upstairs. Things started out fine, but I was in a really giggly mood for some reason. He put on some movie with Justin Timberlake, uhhhh...Alpha Dog! And he kept talking about how good it was. I've never seen it. But we were fooling around, and the movie was so distracting, and being in the weird mood I was in, every time a guy who wasn't Justin Timberlake popped up on the screen, I said, "Is THAT Justin Timberlake?" and then he'd be like, "No, that's so-and-so." This went on for about 15 minutes lol. Then he started licking and breathing in my ear, which was really giving me the giggles because he was tickling me. Anyway, after a solid chunk of foreplay, I was ready to move things along, and he kept talking about how he couldn't wait to get it in, but then...he couldn't. He had a chubby, but not like a full hard on. So I went down on him for what was like...surely the world record for longest blowjob ever and still no improvements!! UGh... He was moaning and sighing as if he was enjoying it, and I was giving it all I had, but after a while it was just starting to feel like work, because clearly, it wasn't going to happen and could we please just go to sleep already. And I found that my mind kept drifting back to Chris, and how sexy he is, and his perfect lips and how great the sex is and how much fun I have with him. In fact, the whole experience with Adam felt sort of far away. Like I was just not really that into it, more just going through the motions. I mean I was into it, I'm just not really that invested in him anymore I guess. The sex never happened either. He said he had whiskey dick since he'd been drinking since 7pm. I said it was cool and suggested we revisit the idea in the morning, and he agreed. Well, morning came and he didn't. Still couldn't get it up. WTF? Now I'm starting to wonder if he's gay. I mean he's a great dresser, and he wears Jo Malone cologne, and he complimented me on my nail polish. But there was the drinking... I just don't know! I asked my gay cousin about it, and he said it was probably just the booze, but no morning wood? That could be a red flag. Granted, we only got about 3 hours of sleep, so maybe that's not enough time for morning wood? I dunno... I'm just so...kind of...uuuuggggghhhhh ((sigh)) about it all now. Loss of interest I guess. I need to get out more. It's time for me to meet someone new.

Superman Returns

Every time I write him off, he pops back into the picture! It's like he can sense these things. Ugh... Adam texted me at 7:30am yesterday! He said he was getting off work at noon, and asked if I wanted to go day drinking with him. Under normal circumstances, I totally would have gone. But my circumstances yesterday were anything but normal. For one thing, it was 7:30am and I was barely awake. So my responses were rather brief and unenthusiastic (which is good). Secondly, I woke up with a UTI Tuesday morning, and had a doctor's appt yesterday at 2:45, and then an afternoon/evening full of piano lessons. Not to mention, once I actually got out of bed, I ended up spending most of the morning in the bathroom because of my stupid UTI. Thankfully, that's under control now, thanks to antibiotics. This is the world's way of letting me know that I can't have it all. And by "it all" I just mean sex. ((Sigh)) So anyway, I turned Adam down, but he continued to text me, and then said he might be able to go out later, after my piano lessons, but of course, that didn't happen. I dunno what he did all day yesterday, but he said he didn't go out, because "no one wanted to go with him". Lol. Boo hoo. It just figures he wouldn't ask me to hang out once during his week off, and then on his first day back at work, a day which I just happened to be really miserable and busy, he suddenly wants my company. ((Eye roll)) What am I gonna do about him?? This is just NOT working for me. But I can't really seem to resist him either. Blargh.

Back to the Basics

After the conversation with Adam, I didn't hear from him the next day, so I assumed he was blowing me off. Then when I did talk to him finally, he told me he'd gone to play trivia with some friends Thursday night...!?!?! So that also pissed me off and that was when I decided, "Ok, I'm done", which was I think when I left that comment in response to the mean, anonymous commenter. I know I'm not perfect, and I make mistakes, but I'm still a fucking person! With FEELINGS. Whoever you are "Anonymous", maybe it's cool for you to use tough love on your friends, but I'm not your friend. You've never met me. You only know about me, what I choose to share with you and this..."relationship", for lack of a better word, that I have with you all as readers is obviously very one-sided. So keep that in mind before you decide to kick me when I'm down.
Anyway, so I decided I wasn't gonna waste anymore time waiting around for Adam, and get on with my life. He did text me back later that night saying "Hmmmmm" and then "Hello??" but I was already asleep and didn't bother responding the next morning.
Lauren's Dad passed away on Friday, and Carrie was here to pick up the puppy, but in light of all the tragedy, we didn't really go out Friday or Saturday night. We did go out Saturday during the day though. I had to work early in the morning. I got to take photos from the back of a motorcycle of a 10k race that was going on. It was pretty fun! And I posted a selfie of me and the guy driving the bike on Facebook. After work, Lauren said she needed a distraction, and a group of guys was in town for a bachelor party and she knew one of them. So we went out to lunch and drinks with them for a little day drinking. I was having a good time, and trying to keep Lauren laughing and distracted. I'm pretty good at that. Then I got a Facebook message from Adam, asking me if I'd had fun on the motorcycle that morning. I ignored him. Then 2 hours later, he sent me the same exact message via text! I ignored that too. At first... After I'd had a couple drinks I lost my will power and responded. I just figured, if he's sent me 4 messages in the last 12 hours with no response, he must actually still wanna talk to me...right?
But I played it really cool with him. Answered his questions, but didn't ask him any, not leaving the door open for more conversation unless he initiated it. And he did! So we chatted for a bit and then I decided when the conversation was over.
The next day, Sunday, I woke up with a sore throat and had to work in the rain for like 5 hours, which was really helpful. I was too busy to think about Adam really, but still, I waited for him to text first, and he did. I did the same thing yesterday and he texted again. I've been trying to maintain my distance, and not be so available, and...it worked! He came over last night, and we watched a scary movie and snuggled and had awesome sex. Several times. Both of us are basically sick now, so we were like what the hell? This morning we watched a couple episodes of Seinfeld this morning, before he had to leave to go to the doctor. Now I'm drinking hot tea and watching TV in bed as I type this.
I'm gonna try to keep doing what I've been doing the last couple days with Adam. I mean, I know he likes me, and he knows what I want. And it's not like I want that RIGHT NOW, I just don't want to waste anymore time if that's not an eventual possibility. But we kept it light last night. I probably won't see him again till next Wednesday, because on Saturday, I'm going to Orlando with Sophie, Dad, and his girlfriend, Laurel, who I LOVE, and we're gonna go back to Harry Potter World, of course, and I'm so excited!! And I won't get back till Wednesday the 6th of April, which happens to be the last day of Adam's work week. So we'll see what happens. I'm trying to play it cool, but I still feel pretty positive about it.

Late Night Musings with Adam

So just when I thought time was about to run out on Adam, he texted me in the middle of the night. And it just happened, I was awake. So we're chatting for a bit, and he suggests I come over. I'm like, "It's almost 4 in the morning..." and then this conversation happened. Sorry it's so long, but shit got a bit heavier than I anticipated and I want your thoughts.

So he must have passed out at this point, because our correspondence was getting more and more delayed, and since he told me he was probably gonna sleep another full day, I'm not surprised that I still haven't heard from him. I expect I will late tonight again. So since it HAS basically been 3 weeks since I've seen him, I feel like at this point, I would be totally fine with just not seeing him again. I mean not totally fine, but...it's not like I'd be smarting from rejection. I'm just not sure if that's really what this is? He said he'd be willing to try, I'm just not sure if he wants to. I dunno. The fact that we haven't seen each other in so long probably makes it easier for him to part ways as well. So part of me wants to give him another chance to be crazy about me, and part of me wants to just quit while we're ahead if this is going to be a waste of time. He seems like a great guy, and I like him, and I'd like to continue seeing him if this possibly has a future, but if he's not into it then....? Maybe it's just not meant to be. So what do you guys think?
P.S. "Murder Porn" means binge watching crime dramas lol.

March So Far

You're right, I was freaking out over nothing, but that's just what I do, initially. I just need a little time to reflect and talk myself down lol. Anyway, Adam has been working since last night; he works like 20 hour shifts basically. I mean he's not working the whole time, but because he works on ships, he has to take them far away, and then come back. So he has down time in between trips, but he's still away from home. So anyway, we've been texting for the past 2 days, and so far so good. This may sound crazy, but I feel really...secure about this. Like, I'm not worried that he's gonna play me, or turn into a douche and ghost me or anything. For the first time in a long time, I feel confident that this is really gonna go somewhere. Granted, I could be totally wrong, but...here's hoping! He's going out of town next weekend though, to L.A., of all cursed places. So I'm hoping we'll get to hang out sometime in the next week, before he leaves. I'm gonna be super busy next weekend anyway, with Sophie, Shane, and Grant all being here, so I won't have to time to miss him.
So I've been kind of freaking out over my job situation. Sucks, because I was just starting to get my anxiety under control, and now I have something new to stress out about. Every week on Monday and Tuesday, since I started this job, I had a gig that I did that paid basically a base salary. And that was recently taken away from me and given to some part-timer, who complained that he wasn't being given the amount of hours he was promised. I was assured that it had nothing to do with me, and that I've been doing a great job, but this particular guy isn't managed by my boss, so he couldn't do anything about it. So now I really need to find another job to supplement my income and just UGH... I don't want to!! I have to get out my resume and all that, and actually LOOK for a job, which is a job unto itself. ((Sigh)) I would like to be able to find another photography job, or else do something with animals. Maybe finally get some use out of my animal science degree. But I don't wanna have to go to school, or get any certifications or anything. So no dog grooming or vet tech positions. I wish I could get paid for fostering animals. I'd be making a fortune off these puppies, if that were the case! They wear me out! But I think I'm gonna end up keeping one of them... He reminds me so much of Jasper when he was a puppy! They're both half poodle though, but this particular puppy looks the most poodley out of the litter. And he's just SO SWEET. Ugh. I'm not gonna be able to bear parting with him. Another reason why I need to find a second job. In order to afford a second dog lol.
Lord help me, I'm turning into a crazy pet lady!

Too Good To Be True?

I had my first date with Adam yesterday. He came and picked me up around 5, then we went downtown and walked along the Riverwalk, with cocktails, of course. Then we headed over to this fancy hotel restaurant where he had made us reservations. It was soooo good. We shared a bunch of small plates and had some more cocktails. Then we went and saw Deadpool at the fancy theater that serves food. We had wine and cheese. Then we went to a bar down the street from his place for a night cap. I ended up going back to his place with him again. We hung out on the balcony for a while, watching the fog roll in on the Mississippi, and then we went inside and tickle wrestled a little bit. Lol. We just really did have the best time. And he lets me ask him anything, and he says even if he doesn't wanna answer it, and even if it makes him look bad, he'll always be honest. So far, I think he has been. I asked him some pretty weird questions just to test him out. Haha. It was super late by the time we went upstairs, and things got heated again. He told me he didn't wanna sleep with me last time, because we had just met, and he "doesn't do that", but that wasn't the case this time. Things were going well, but we hit a setback when he put the condom on. Now I'm a little worried, because he made a couple comments about gay men hitting on him a lot. And as perfect as he seems, I just can't shake the feeling that maybe it's too good to be true! Maybe he's gay and in deep deep denial. Or maybe he'd just had too much to drink. Or maybe he was just nervous? I don't know. It just doesn't seem entirely normal that a guy who seems so into you would have trouble fucking you the first time ever. Right?? I dunno. Maybe it's me? 

Obviously I'm not going to give up on him yet, we still had a wonderful time, and laid in bed for most of today. Then he took me out to lunch and drove me home! 

Anyway, I really really hope he isn't secretly gay. I mean if he hadn't told me that story about some gay guy at a bar trying to kiss him, maybe it never would have occurred to me to think he might be gay. I mean he's not effeminate or anything. Then again, I was engaged to a guy who EVERYONE thought was gay when I was 20, and I never noticed it until someone else pointed it out. Although, he actually wasn't gay. He's now married with 2 children and seems really happy, but that's neither here nor there. 

Well I'm stickin' with Adam for now. I really like him, and technically, I can't find any reason to not continue dating him.

Clark Kent

I met a guy.
His name is Adam. I saw him from across the room at the bar we were at last night, and I leaned to tell Lauren, "You see Clark Kent over there? He's hot." He was dressed very sharply, but that wasn't at all out of place in the spot we were at. He had a crisply ironed blue button up, a grey jacket and black framed glasses. Not the overstated nerdy kind of glasses with the plastic frames, the kind you wear out of necessity. Slightly severe, but in a good way. His hair was dark brown, longish and wavy, with that perfect little Superman swoop and side part. I immediately wanted to run my hands through it. He didn't see me, but I kept a subtle eye on him from our table. It was one of Lauren's friend's birthday, so I didn't know any of her friends, but a couple of them were pretty cool. So we hung out at the table for a bit, just the girls, and we did a couple shots and I even danced! I never dance. Then after a while, Lauren asked me if I wanted this shot of Fireball one of the girls bought her. I said, "Ew no, but give it to me and I'll use it as an excuse to go talk to Clark Kent over there."
So I made my way over to the bar and snagged the spot right next to him. The bartender came over, and I ordered another drink and asked to close my tab. While I was waiting, I turned to him and said, "Hey, do you like Fireball? My friend just gave me this and I can't stand the stuff." And he said, "Sure, but you have to do a shot with me." So he bought me something else and we did the shot together.
The rest is sort of a blurry haze... He bought us another round, then one of his friends sent us over a bottle of champagne, and I ended up standing over there talking to him for the rest of the night. I checked in with Lauren, who was also a little worse for wear lol. Apparently she made out with some guy and doesn't even remember it. Hahaha.
Anyway, I ended up going home with Adam. I wasn't paying much attention to where we were going in the Uber, but when we got to his building, I did notice it was very nice. Then we get up to the 30th floor, and he walks us to a door labeled: Penthouse 5.
PENTHOUSE. 5.
UGH. In that moment, I felt sorta like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, minus the prostitution, and except for the fact that he's a year younger than me. But anyway, his place was obviously amazing. We headed out to his balcony, which had the most amazing view. He even had like this little reclining patio bed type thing. Which of course ended up making out on it. Lol. Eventually we went back inside though, because it was so cold, and my sweater was stolen at the bar (ugh).
So we headed upstairs, and there was more kissing, and more...other stuff, but I did not sleep with him! In fact, I'm honestly not sure why we didn't. But I'm kind of glad we didn't. When he took his glasses off, I couldn't stop staring at his eyes. They're a pretty greenish hazel color. He's also quite tall and a bit on the skinny side, but that's neither here nor there. And I was right, his hair is the softest... Anyway, we passed out eventually, and then we spent the entire day today laying in bed talking. It was nice. :) I kept worrying that I was overstaying my welcome, but he was adamant that he wanted me to stay. So I did.
He works in maritime engineering, doing stuff with giant barges on the Mississippi here. Whatever it is, it obviously pays well. He has 2 older brothers, a couple nephews and nieces. He's been single for almost as long as me, because he's done a lot of traveling over the last few years for work. He is also super nerdy, in a really cute way. I was up front and honest with him about everything, like I usually am, even though most of the time it seems to backfire. We talked about that too. Then we slept a bit more, and finally I figured it was time for me to go home. So he offered to drive me! Of course he has a super nice black Audi with very dark tinted windows and all the upgrades... ((Sigh)) It was sweet of him to drive me home though. And a couple hours later, he texted me. :) So I think I'll see him again. And I'm glad.