I've Been Bad

So my friend Lauren who lives here recently found out that her dad has cancer. He started chemo a couple weeks ago, but on Thursday his doctors told them that his liver has completely shut down and they're stopping chemo, and he has 2-3 weeks left. She said she doesn't want sympathy or the "Are you ok?" treatment, she just wants to take her mind off it every once in a while. So Saturday night, we went out. I had to shoot a concert that night, but I met up with Lauren and her friends afterwards around 10:30. We hit a couple spots and then Lauren said she wanted to go Frenchman, so I loaded up all of us in my car and drove us down there. I'd only had 1 drink at this point, so still good to drive. Well as soon as I got us there and parked, Lauren said she needed to go home. She's the kind drinker where when she says, "I gotta go home", she really means it. Lol. If she doesn't go home, she'll either get sick or pass out somewhere. So she left with the guy she was with, and then it was just me and this other dude who I'd just met, and wasn't into. I mean, he was nice, but like... I wouldn't have wanted to go out on the town alone with him or anything. But I had just parked my car, and it was only midnight, so me and the dude decided to at least have 1 drink on Frenchman. So we walked into the closest bar. There was a live band playing and people dancing, and it was crowded. As we were making our way through the crowd, I noticed a group of like 4 or 5 guys, dancing, sans girls, on the dancefloor and just being goofy. And one of those guys was HOT. I made a mental note of this. He looks like a cross between The Model and Brandon Boyd from Incubus. ((Drool)) So I hit the ladies and the guy went to grab us drinks and then we chatted a bit. Then he said he needed to use the restroom, so I figured I would take that opportunity to see if the hot guy was still around. Well the dance floor was crowded enough that I was able to brush right by his friend, and he just happened to be wearing a pair of Luna Lovegood glasses. So I immediately asked him about the glasses, and boom! Conversation with hot guy was on. His name is Chris. We chatted about Harry Potter, music, and other silly things. And he kept saying he thought it was super cool that I was alone at the bar, even after I explained to him that I didn't actually show up alone. Of course, it turns out he doesn't live here. HE LIVES IN FUCKING CALIFORNIA. Ugh. But he's in tv production, and working on a show here until September. WORTH IT. Lol. So we had a few shots, and then things get a little fuzzy... I ended up going back to his hotel with him, and we had a pretty awesome time. It was after 6am by the time we went to sleep and he was supposed to be at work at 8:30 Sunday morning. Yea, that didn't happen lol. He says he set his alarm, but neither of us heard it and he shot out of bed at 9am in a panic. I was a bit hungover, but mostly just tired, and I had to work at noon. So after I left, he texted me! He said he wanted to see me again. So I worked, napped, showered, he did the same, and we met for dinner. Annnnd I spent another night with him.
Except this time things didn't go so smoothly...
My hungover self went through the drive through and ordered a fucking cheeseburger on my way home Sunday morning. I'm a pescatarian. I never eat meat. I felt ok though. Until after dinner. Then my stomach got the lurches and I was starting to worry. But it seemed to go away for a while, until we got back to his place. I had to take a shit. I just couldn't hold it! Lol. And he's staying at an extended stay hotel, not like a house, so the bathroom isn't as private and isolated as it could be! Luckily the exhaust fan turns on automatically with the lights, and Chris was playing music (Jeff Buckley - swoon!) so I figured I had a chance!
*DISCLAIMER* If you don't find toilet humor funny, you should stop reading now.
So I sit down on the toilet, and immediately I can tell that it's not going to be quiet. But I have this theory, that if you pull your ass cheeks apart, your farts will just escape silently, because there's no friction! It actually does work, if it's a dry fart, but that was not the case. It wasn't like a classic BBRRRRFFFT! fart noise that came out. It was abrupt and echoed in the toilet bowl, but still could be misconstrued as me knocking over the trash can, or perhaps opening the toilet lid. So I sat, frozen in mortification for a moment, hoping Chris didn't hear. But there was more. A couple more. Not as loud as the first, but still. UGhhhh, I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I just NEEDED to get it out, I knew as soon as I did I would be 100%, but I didn't have the time or proper isolation to just take a shit! So I shat conservatively and then left the bathroom after what seemed not TOO long. I was just hoping against hope that he hadn't heard or noticed what had just happened.
And he actually seemed totally normal. But then things started getting a little hot and heavy, and I was so sure that I was going to let one rip mid coitus, that I couldn't relax or enjoy myself. ((Sigh)) I mean, we still had fun, but it was mostly strictly missionary position for me, or I risked literally shitting the bed lol.
So finally we "went to sleep". Not me. I laid there literally holding in my poop for hours. Waiting for it to either go away, or for Chris to fall asleep so I could go back to the bathroom. But then I realized it wasn't just poop anymore. My bladder was also quite full, and the pressure of a full bladder really wasn't helping my current situation! So I figured it was safe to get up and have a pee.
But again, once I was on the toilet, I knew what was coming. A big shit was coming, that's what. So I peed first and then waited till I knew it was going to all come out and I timed the flushing of the toilet with that moment so that he wouldn't hear it. I mean he was sleeping, but still. Success!! Or so I thought... I obviously still had to wipe and flush the toilet again. And when I did...nothing was going down! So there was just a big blob of poopy toilet paper floating in there! And no plunger. So I'm standing there whispering, "FUCK FUCK FUCK!" to myself as I frantically search around the tiny hotel bathroom for something...to what? I don't know! I waited till the water stopped and tried to flush again. Still nothing. FUCK! So I carefully and quietly took the lid off the tank and slowly lifted the lever to keep the water draining. That didn't work either, but fortunately, all the replacing of the water left what seemed to be clean toilet paper instead of shitty toilet paper. So I tried to carefully and quietly replace the tank lid. NOPE! LOUD FUCKING CLANKING PORCELAIN SOUND. UGHHHHH FML!!! Literally, "fuck it", is what I thought, and in the most clandestine moment of quick thinking I came up with a story. I hurried out of the bathroom, seemingly worried.
"Hey! Are you awake?" I whispered to him hoarsely. No answer, so I shook him a little, "Hey!"
"Hmmm...?" Either he was deeply asleep, or he's a really good actor, but he seemed totally out of it.
"Uhhh...earlier, did you happen to uh...feel anything inside me?"
"Huh? What you mean, like your birth control?"
"Yea, my ring. I can't find it."
"Well it was definitely there earlier."
"Well sometimes it can become...dislodged during sex. And usually I just check to make sure it's there afterward, but we fell asleep so I didn't. And I just spent like the better part of 13 minutes in the bathroom digging around in my vagina and I couldn't feel it. And then I think I may have put too much toilet paper in the toilet cuzzz it won't flush."
He still looked pretty out of it, but my worried act must've been convincing.
"Ok...well it was definitely there before. I felt it."
"Ok. Well...it could be in the bed. Or...possibly in the toilet."
"Do you need to look in the bed for it?"
"No, it's fine. I can look in the morning. Sorry about the toilet."
"Don't worry about it."
And we went to sleep. And this time, I actually slept. And I think he really did buy that story!!
So this morning, he got up to pee. I heard him flush the toilet, but I could tell it wasn't really flushing. When he came back from the bathroom, he said, "I guess I need to get maintenance up here. Did you ever find your ring?"
"Uhhhh no, but it's fine. I'll check later."
So we laid in bed talking for like 2 hours, and then finally he said he couldn't lay in bed anymore. I actually think he may have needed to take a shit because he called the maintenance person first thing. And I also really just wanted to sit on a toilet privately for a while. Lol. So he walked me to my car, which was sweet, and kissed me goodbye. A LOT. And he said, "Let's hang out again soon." And I, of course, acquiesced.
We texted some more after I got home and finally farted and shat and all that good stuff lol. UGH. I still can't believe that happened to me. Coulda been worse though I guess...
Well I do hope I see him again. I told him I have a whole list of restaurants he needs to try and he said we should start the tour on his next day off. So we'll see...

In other news, Adam. We've been having the same conversation all week. Are you home? No. Are you still sick? Yes. Have you been to the doctor? No. Why not?? I don't have time, but I'm seriously dying. Wah Wah WAhhhhh...
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. ((Sigh))
It's starting to get really old. My prediction for this weekend is he'll spend it in bed, being sick, instead of taking me out, because he refused to go to the doctor and get some fucking antibiotics. Which means, I'll hang out with Chris again, if that's an option. We'll see...

I honestly haven't had this much excitement or activity in my dating life in years. It must be the 20 lbs I lost. I really need to keep that weight off, so help me God!

Clark Kent

I met a guy.
His name is Adam. I saw him from across the room at the bar we were at last night, and I leaned to tell Lauren, "You see Clark Kent over there? He's hot." He was dressed very sharply, but that wasn't at all out of place in the spot we were at. He had a crisply ironed blue button up, a grey jacket and black framed glasses. Not the overstated nerdy kind of glasses with the plastic frames, the kind you wear out of necessity. Slightly severe, but in a good way. His hair was dark brown, longish and wavy, with that perfect little Superman swoop and side part. I immediately wanted to run my hands through it. He didn't see me, but I kept a subtle eye on him from our table. It was one of Lauren's friend's birthday, so I didn't know any of her friends, but a couple of them were pretty cool. So we hung out at the table for a bit, just the girls, and we did a couple shots and I even danced! I never dance. Then after a while, Lauren asked me if I wanted this shot of Fireball one of the girls bought her. I said, "Ew no, but give it to me and I'll use it as an excuse to go talk to Clark Kent over there."
So I made my way over to the bar and snagged the spot right next to him. The bartender came over, and I ordered another drink and asked to close my tab. While I was waiting, I turned to him and said, "Hey, do you like Fireball? My friend just gave me this and I can't stand the stuff." And he said, "Sure, but you have to do a shot with me." So he bought me something else and we did the shot together.
The rest is sort of a blurry haze... He bought us another round, then one of his friends sent us over a bottle of champagne, and I ended up standing over there talking to him for the rest of the night. I checked in with Lauren, who was also a little worse for wear lol. Apparently she made out with some guy and doesn't even remember it. Hahaha.
Anyway, I ended up going home with Adam. I wasn't paying much attention to where we were going in the Uber, but when we got to his building, I did notice it was very nice. Then we get up to the 30th floor, and he walks us to a door labeled: Penthouse 5.
PENTHOUSE. 5.
UGH. In that moment, I felt sorta like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, minus the prostitution, and except for the fact that he's a year younger than me. But anyway, his place was obviously amazing. We headed out to his balcony, which had the most amazing view. He even had like this little reclining patio bed type thing. Which of course ended up making out on it. Lol. Eventually we went back inside though, because it was so cold, and my sweater was stolen at the bar (ugh).
So we headed upstairs, and there was more kissing, and more...other stuff, but I did not sleep with him! In fact, I'm honestly not sure why we didn't. But I'm kind of glad we didn't. When he took his glasses off, I couldn't stop staring at his eyes. They're a pretty greenish hazel color. He's also quite tall and a bit on the skinny side, but that's neither here nor there. And I was right, his hair is the softest... Anyway, we passed out eventually, and then we spent the entire day today laying in bed talking. It was nice. :) I kept worrying that I was overstaying my welcome, but he was adamant that he wanted me to stay. So I did.
He works in maritime engineering, doing stuff with giant barges on the Mississippi here. Whatever it is, it obviously pays well. He has 2 older brothers, a couple nephews and nieces. He's been single for almost as long as me, because he's done a lot of traveling over the last few years for work. He is also super nerdy, in a really cute way. I was up front and honest with him about everything, like I usually am, even though most of the time it seems to backfire. We talked about that too. Then we slept a bit more, and finally I figured it was time for me to go home. So he offered to drive me! Of course he has a super nice black Audi with very dark tinted windows and all the upgrades... ((Sigh)) It was sweet of him to drive me home though. And a couple hours later, he texted me. :) So I think I'll see him again. And I'm glad.

Am I Crazy, Or What?

First thing's first. I deleted Tinder. NO MORE TINDER. Ugh. Anyway...

Yesterday afternoon, after work, I met my friend Lauren at this bar cuz she wanted to watch the Broncos game. She was hoping this guy she likes would meet her there, but had a feeling he would cancel and she didn't wanna go alone. I wasn't really that interested in the game, but I had nothing else going on so I figured what the hell! We were 2 of only 4 people that were there at the time, lol, but Lauren knows all the bartenders that work there because she used to hang out there so much. So we hung out, watched the game, and had a couple beers. Right around the time the game ended, the bartenders had a shift change, and a new guy came on. Kevin. And he was HOT. 6'4", nice smile, beautiful creamed coffee skin. He's black, and I've never actually dated a black guy. Not because I haven't wanted to, I just...never have! Although there was that one brief makeout sesh I had with the DJ who worked at my bar in Chicago...lol. Anyway, shortly after he got there, Kevin gave us a round of shots. Then Lauren heard from her dude, and he was asking her to come over. So she wanted to leave! I begged to her to stay, because after taking that shot, I was in no fit state to drive, and of course, I didn't want her to leave me alone at this bar! But Kevin said he'd keep me company, so Lauren left and I stayed. I texted my roommate, Jenn, and told her to take the ferry over and meet us, hoping she could drive us home in my car. So Kevin gave me another shot and we chatted and hung out till Jenn arrived. The night went on basically like that for a while, and then Kevin starts talking about how his birthday is this week and he's going to Austin. And I was like, "Oh!  That's so awesome, I love Austin!" And he was like, "Yea, I've never been. You wanna come?" And I was like, "Uhhhh...what?" And I'm like really buzzed at this point, and of course Kevin and I have been flirting, but that was just very unexpected. Well then he says if I come with him, he'll buy my plane ticket. And Jenn is like "Just go! What else do you have going on?" And I'm like, "Well...let me check with my boss." So I texted him asking him what are the chances I could have a couple days off this weekend, and he said, "Do what you wanna do." 

So then Kevin comes back from the other end of the bar where he was helping people, and he's like, "Well, what did your boss say?" And I told him, and he was like, "Sweet, let's book it!" And he did!!

He bought me a plane ticket right then and there on his phone behind the bar. I still kinda can't believe it. Well then I went to bathroom, and I guess Jenn was talking to him about me, cuz when I came back, she told me he asked her all kinds of questions about me like, "Is she real? There has to be SOMETHING wrong with her! Why is she single?"

And she told him I don't hit the bar scene much, and I don't meet a lot of people cuz of my job, and that if he's just looking for a one night stand type thing, then he should look elsewhere. I'm SO glad she told him that too, cuz I am gonna be traveling and staying in a hotel with a guy I BARELY know, and I don't wanna hook up with him just to hook up with him. I wanna get to know him, and see if the chemistry we have could be more than just physical attraction. But she said he responded positively to that, and that he's not looking for just a hookup.

Throughout the night, Kevin kept taking my hands and holding them from across the bar, and randomly kissing me on the cheek. And he kept telling me my eyes were mesmerizing. 😍I don't do so well with compliments. I never know how to respond! I'm pretty sure I just blushed. But he was acting really into me, and I'm just not used to that I guess. It almost makes me uncomfortable.

After a while, Jenn got bored cuz she wasn't really drinking, since she had to be the D.D. (which she wasn't thrilled about. She kept saying I lured her there under false pretenses lol.) So I asked Kevin if we could close our tab, but he refused to let us pay for anything. Then he came out from behind the bar to hug me goodbye, and he kissed me! On the lips! Not like a makeout kiss, just a short, tender one, on the lips. It was nice! And he's sooooo tallllll I LOVE IT. Then he said he'd like to get together this week before we leave for Austin, which of course, I agreed was a good idea. So he wants to take me out to dinner tomorrow night!

This morning, he even texted me, first thing: Good morning pretty lady. Happy Monday 😘

I'm still a little freaked out that I did something so impulsive. I mean it's great to be spontaneous, and I told myself I was gonna go out and do more things, but...I'm just so surprised at myself! He's like a complete stranger! If it wasn't for the fact that Lauren has known him for years, and she told me he's a really good guy, then I never would have agreed to it. But, everything happens for a reason, right?? I'll keep you posted on our date tomorrow night. Wish me luck!

They Say the Best Way to Get Over Someone...

I finally hooked up with someone last night. FINALLY!!! AFTER ALL THIS TIME!!!
And it was great.
Fuck John. I'm movin' on.