I've Been Bad

So my friend Lauren who lives here recently found out that her dad has cancer. He started chemo a couple weeks ago, but on Thursday his doctors told them that his liver has completely shut down and they're stopping chemo, and he has 2-3 weeks left. She said she doesn't want sympathy or the "Are you ok?" treatment, she just wants to take her mind off it every once in a while. So Saturday night, we went out. I had to shoot a concert that night, but I met up with Lauren and her friends afterwards around 10:30. We hit a couple spots and then Lauren said she wanted to go Frenchman, so I loaded up all of us in my car and drove us down there. I'd only had 1 drink at this point, so still good to drive. Well as soon as I got us there and parked, Lauren said she needed to go home. She's the kind drinker where when she says, "I gotta go home", she really means it. Lol. If she doesn't go home, she'll either get sick or pass out somewhere. So she left with the guy she was with, and then it was just me and this other dude who I'd just met, and wasn't into. I mean, he was nice, but like... I wouldn't have wanted to go out on the town alone with him or anything. But I had just parked my car, and it was only midnight, so me and the dude decided to at least have 1 drink on Frenchman. So we walked into the closest bar. There was a live band playing and people dancing, and it was crowded. As we were making our way through the crowd, I noticed a group of like 4 or 5 guys, dancing, sans girls, on the dancefloor and just being goofy. And one of those guys was HOT. I made a mental note of this. He looks like a cross between The Model and Brandon Boyd from Incubus. ((Drool)) So I hit the ladies and the guy went to grab us drinks and then we chatted a bit. Then he said he needed to use the restroom, so I figured I would take that opportunity to see if the hot guy was still around. Well the dance floor was crowded enough that I was able to brush right by his friend, and he just happened to be wearing a pair of Luna Lovegood glasses. So I immediately asked him about the glasses, and boom! Conversation with hot guy was on. His name is Chris. We chatted about Harry Potter, music, and other silly things. And he kept saying he thought it was super cool that I was alone at the bar, even after I explained to him that I didn't actually show up alone. Of course, it turns out he doesn't live here. HE LIVES IN FUCKING CALIFORNIA. Ugh. But he's in tv production, and working on a show here until September. WORTH IT. Lol. So we had a few shots, and then things get a little fuzzy... I ended up going back to his hotel with him, and we had a pretty awesome time. It was after 6am by the time we went to sleep and he was supposed to be at work at 8:30 Sunday morning. Yea, that didn't happen lol. He says he set his alarm, but neither of us heard it and he shot out of bed at 9am in a panic. I was a bit hungover, but mostly just tired, and I had to work at noon. So after I left, he texted me! He said he wanted to see me again. So I worked, napped, showered, he did the same, and we met for dinner. Annnnd I spent another night with him.
Except this time things didn't go so smoothly...
My hungover self went through the drive through and ordered a fucking cheeseburger on my way home Sunday morning. I'm a pescatarian. I never eat meat. I felt ok though. Until after dinner. Then my stomach got the lurches and I was starting to worry. But it seemed to go away for a while, until we got back to his place. I had to take a shit. I just couldn't hold it! Lol. And he's staying at an extended stay hotel, not like a house, so the bathroom isn't as private and isolated as it could be! Luckily the exhaust fan turns on automatically with the lights, and Chris was playing music (Jeff Buckley - swoon!) so I figured I had a chance!
*DISCLAIMER* If you don't find toilet humor funny, you should stop reading now.
So I sit down on the toilet, and immediately I can tell that it's not going to be quiet. But I have this theory, that if you pull your ass cheeks apart, your farts will just escape silently, because there's no friction! It actually does work, if it's a dry fart, but that was not the case. It wasn't like a classic BBRRRRFFFT! fart noise that came out. It was abrupt and echoed in the toilet bowl, but still could be misconstrued as me knocking over the trash can, or perhaps opening the toilet lid. So I sat, frozen in mortification for a moment, hoping Chris didn't hear. But there was more. A couple more. Not as loud as the first, but still. UGhhhh, I couldn't believe this was happening to me. I just NEEDED to get it out, I knew as soon as I did I would be 100%, but I didn't have the time or proper isolation to just take a shit! So I shat conservatively and then left the bathroom after what seemed not TOO long. I was just hoping against hope that he hadn't heard or noticed what had just happened.
And he actually seemed totally normal. But then things started getting a little hot and heavy, and I was so sure that I was going to let one rip mid coitus, that I couldn't relax or enjoy myself. ((Sigh)) I mean, we still had fun, but it was mostly strictly missionary position for me, or I risked literally shitting the bed lol.
So finally we "went to sleep". Not me. I laid there literally holding in my poop for hours. Waiting for it to either go away, or for Chris to fall asleep so I could go back to the bathroom. But then I realized it wasn't just poop anymore. My bladder was also quite full, and the pressure of a full bladder really wasn't helping my current situation! So I figured it was safe to get up and have a pee.
But again, once I was on the toilet, I knew what was coming. A big shit was coming, that's what. So I peed first and then waited till I knew it was going to all come out and I timed the flushing of the toilet with that moment so that he wouldn't hear it. I mean he was sleeping, but still. Success!! Or so I thought... I obviously still had to wipe and flush the toilet again. And when I did...nothing was going down! So there was just a big blob of poopy toilet paper floating in there! And no plunger. So I'm standing there whispering, "FUCK FUCK FUCK!" to myself as I frantically search around the tiny hotel bathroom for something...to what? I don't know! I waited till the water stopped and tried to flush again. Still nothing. FUCK! So I carefully and quietly took the lid off the tank and slowly lifted the lever to keep the water draining. That didn't work either, but fortunately, all the replacing of the water left what seemed to be clean toilet paper instead of shitty toilet paper. So I tried to carefully and quietly replace the tank lid. NOPE! LOUD FUCKING CLANKING PORCELAIN SOUND. UGHHHHH FML!!! Literally, "fuck it", is what I thought, and in the most clandestine moment of quick thinking I came up with a story. I hurried out of the bathroom, seemingly worried.
"Hey! Are you awake?" I whispered to him hoarsely. No answer, so I shook him a little, "Hey!"
"Hmmm...?" Either he was deeply asleep, or he's a really good actor, but he seemed totally out of it.
"Uhhh...earlier, did you happen to uh...feel anything inside me?"
"Huh? What you mean, like your birth control?"
"Yea, my ring. I can't find it."
"Well it was definitely there earlier."
"Well sometimes it can become...dislodged during sex. And usually I just check to make sure it's there afterward, but we fell asleep so I didn't. And I just spent like the better part of 13 minutes in the bathroom digging around in my vagina and I couldn't feel it. And then I think I may have put too much toilet paper in the toilet cuzzz it won't flush."
He still looked pretty out of it, but my worried act must've been convincing.
"Ok...well it was definitely there before. I felt it."
"Ok. Well...it could be in the bed. Or...possibly in the toilet."
"Do you need to look in the bed for it?"
"No, it's fine. I can look in the morning. Sorry about the toilet."
"Don't worry about it."
And we went to sleep. And this time, I actually slept. And I think he really did buy that story!!
So this morning, he got up to pee. I heard him flush the toilet, but I could tell it wasn't really flushing. When he came back from the bathroom, he said, "I guess I need to get maintenance up here. Did you ever find your ring?"
"Uhhhh no, but it's fine. I'll check later."
So we laid in bed talking for like 2 hours, and then finally he said he couldn't lay in bed anymore. I actually think he may have needed to take a shit because he called the maintenance person first thing. And I also really just wanted to sit on a toilet privately for a while. Lol. So he walked me to my car, which was sweet, and kissed me goodbye. A LOT. And he said, "Let's hang out again soon." And I, of course, acquiesced.
We texted some more after I got home and finally farted and shat and all that good stuff lol. UGH. I still can't believe that happened to me. Coulda been worse though I guess...
Well I do hope I see him again. I told him I have a whole list of restaurants he needs to try and he said we should start the tour on his next day off. So we'll see...

In other news, Adam. We've been having the same conversation all week. Are you home? No. Are you still sick? Yes. Have you been to the doctor? No. Why not?? I don't have time, but I'm seriously dying. Wah Wah WAhhhhh...
Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. ((Sigh))
It's starting to get really old. My prediction for this weekend is he'll spend it in bed, being sick, instead of taking me out, because he refused to go to the doctor and get some fucking antibiotics. Which means, I'll hang out with Chris again, if that's an option. We'll see...

I honestly haven't had this much excitement or activity in my dating life in years. It must be the 20 lbs I lost. I really need to keep that weight off, so help me God!

FWB+...?, Christian Bale, and Bethany

Over the past week or two (during which I have been sick, as I always am at this time of year) I've been seriously considering asking Matt out. Like...for drinks or coffee or something. I mean the booty call thing is great, but initially, I feel like we had chemistry, and I was into him. And I mean the sex is great, so maybe it could work for us if we gave it a shot, right? But of course, there's that age old debate about whether or not I wanna put something that's working so well at risk. I mean, if he's not interested in dating, do I lose my trusty booty call? And if he was interested in dating, why are we still hooking up? I mean if he wanted to date people, he wouldn't need a booty call, right?? I dunno, I guess I've never really analyzed the psychology behind boys and their booty calls, I only get it from my end. To me, sex is important. It's necessary for my health. And while I prefer to be getting it from someone I care about, who cares about me in return, that's not always an option. And finding an attractive, drama-free booty call who actually knows his way around the female anatomy is not easy! Trust me. Oh, and there's that small problem of him being only 25. ((Sigh)) So, do I ask him out, or not?

My trips to NOLA and Houston are coming up quick! There's only 25 more days till Christmas, AH!! In my efforts to avoid having to spend my entire time in Houston with Bethany, I never told her about my trip. But apparently, Taryn got drunk and spilled the beans last week, so I had to do some quick thinking in the damage control department. Bethany posted on my facebook wall yesterday, asking if I was gonna be home for Christmas. I very diplomatically replied that I would be spending Christmas with my mom this year, but that I was thinking about coming to Houston in January. But that I was still trying to finalize dates and things with work and my dad. The backlash from this response was quite funny. First Izzie texted me.

"So I saw you and Bethany's FB exchange. Your Houston trip, is it really not finalized or are you just trying to avoid her? Cuz I'm planning to go to Houston that week specifically to see you..."

Then Jenna texted me.

"I see you folded under pressure."


BAHAHAHA! I reassured both of them that everything is still on, I'm just trying to avoid any more drama with Bethany. But now comes the hard part. I really don't know how I'm going to deal with her when I get there. She left Chicago in the worst possible way, and she never apologized to me for all that bullshit she put me through. I'm willing to forgive, as is my tendency with good friends, but I can't forget. And it's really hard to forgive someone who doesn't even seem remorseful, let alone aware that what they did was completely shiteous. I mean she apologized to Carrie and Ali, so why not me??? Taryn said that when she told her I was coming, Bethany acted awkward and just said "We haven't really talked much since Chicago" and then changed the subject. G, I wonder why!!?? I really do value Bethany's friendship, and I know she's been through a rough couple of years, what with her mom passing away and everything... But she has changed so much that it's like...I hardly recognize the person I used to call my best friend. What's a girl supposed to do in a situation like that???







Well anyway, I have one more juicy tidbit for you guys. :P Last night at work, I was standing in the waitress well staring at this guy facing me from across the bar, for the better part of an hour. He was totally hot, and totally looked like Christian Bale, and I wasn't gonna let him walk out of the bar without at least attempting to talk to him. So I formulated a plan. Lol. I asked Warren to pour me a shot of tequila, and then give Mr. Bale a shot of Jameson from me. Then ideally, he would look across the bar at me, I would hold up my shot, we would take it together, and then he would come over and talk to me. Lol. That was the plan. So I tell Warren the plan, and omg...IT WORKED! JUST LIKE THAT!!
So he's walking over to me, and I'm like "Omgomghe'scomingoverherehow'smyhair?!" to Warren and he just laughs. So then he comes over, and this is sort of how our conversation started...



"Hey thanks for the shot! What was that for?"
"Oh, I was just telling my friend how I thought you looked like Christian Bale, so I thought what the hell! I'm gonna send him a shot."
Then we briefly discussed which Christian Bale he looks like (Batman? American Psycho? The Machinist??? Lol), because apparently he's been told before he looks like American Psycho Christian Bale. And I assured him that that is a compliment, as Christian was much younger then, and in very good shape. Lol. Then I said, "I hope you like Jameson? I wasn't sure what you were drinking over there."
And he said, "Hey, a free shot is a free shot!" Now that's what I like to hear.
He asked me where I'm from, I told him to guess. He said Canada?? WTF? Lol. I asked why, and he said because Canadians are nice. Lol. I said so are Texans. We chitchatted a bit more, but then one of my tables flagged me down, so he said he was gonna go back to his friends, implying I should go talk to him later. So I took care of my business and then he got my attention again as I was heading towards the stairs.
"Sorry, duty calls." I said.
"No, no, I understand! What's your name?"
"Peyton."
"I'm [Christian Bale]." Lol. We shake hands.
"It's nice to meet you." I tell him. I'm sure I could not stop grinning. :)
"Well, would you like to get coffee or something some time?"
"Sure." :D
"I mean I gotta get your number before you leave again."
I laughed and told him I had to grab something from downstairs, but that I would be right back.
So I went downstairs, grabbed one of my business cards and powdered my nose, and then went back up to find him. And he was gone! I couldn't find him anywhere! So I asked the door guy if he'd seen a guy in a maroon v-neck leave. He said no, so I started walking back towards the back room again. Then we ended up practically running into each other at the top of the stairs. So I gave him my business card, and we chatted a bit more. He asked me what my schedule looks like and I told him it just so happens I have this week off school. Then he grimaced, and said he'll be traveling all week.  Which got us talking a little bit about how he travels for work. I asked him what he does, and he said, "Well we'll talk about it. What's your Sunday look like?"
And at first I thought he said "Sundays", meaning all my Sundays, so I said my Sundays are generally free, and I usually do whatever I want, because I don't have school or work. And then I realized he meant this Sunday specifically. So hopefully that didn't make me sound desperate. And then he said, "Well let's do something on Sunday. Forget about coffee, let's do something exciting." And I laughed and said ok! And that was that! He went back to his friends, and I went back to work, and I think he left shortly afterwards, but he has my number! And I really, really hope he calls!
I have this complex where when I first meet a guy, if he seems really into me, I just think it's too good to be true. I dunno why, it just sorta puts me on my guard. Like I don't wanna get my hopes up, ya know? Because if he doesn't call, I'm gonna be really disappointed! :( But the ball is in his court. This is completely out of my control now. ((Sigh)) This is going to be a long day.

Baby Steps

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Someone To Take Care Of

While I'm still not really sure what I'm doing with Brazil in the long run, I think we've made some steps in the right direction. After I posted yesterday, he texted me, asking if I wanted to hang out before work, and he mentioned going to dinner, so that I wouldn't be hungry at 3 in the morning like on Friday night. :/ He really is a sweetheart. But I just couldn't stop thinking about the thing with his ex. So I sent him this...


Me: I've been thinking about everything you said. And I'm kind of...scared to keep doing what we're doing. I mean I understand what you're going through, almost all too well, which is why it makes me really nervous that you still have feelings for your ex. I can't compete with that, and I don't want to. I have to protect myself too, and I don't want to become attached to someone who is emotionally unavailable. I just don't want to be in a situation like that again, it never ends well for me. I'm not saying I don't want to keep seeing you, because I do, but I just feel like you should know where I'm at right now.


Then several minutes went by and I started to second guess myself saying that to him, and agonizing over what he must be thinking, and I started to feel like a real asshole. So I just curled up in bed and laid there for a while. Finally, he responded...


(Keep in mind he's foreign, so sometimes his diction is a little...different. Lol.)

Brazil: I mean it's fair enough. I would not say I'm emotionally unavailable, but I'm recovering from something, and I'm playing it very safe cause the last thing I want is the same thing to happen again. The feelings I have towards Stephanie are hate, and anger, they're not pretty. I just need time so it will all wash away. I'd love to keep seeing you, cause I enjoy being around you more with everytime we meet. I also understand you have to protect yourself. Anyway, I'm here and I'm willing.


Me: Willing to what?


Brazil: To see you, and give this a try. All I ask is for us to take our time, that's all. As I said, I'll always be honest, just like I was this morning.


Me: I understand playing it safe, I don't have any problems with you or the way you're handling things. It's just my past experiences have shaped me as well, and I've learned it's generally not a good idea to get involved with someone fresh out of a relationship because there's too much hurt/frustration/residual feelings that can often lead to ups and downs and back and forths, and that's like...torture for me. I don't want to sit around wondering if the ex is just going to pop up out of nowhere and reenter the picture. It's happened to me before.
I appreciate you being honest with me, it's one of the things I really like about you, but it still puts me on my guard. I can't help it.


Brazil: I understand, even though it might not be beneficial for me, I won't lie cause I don't want to hurt anyone. But as I said, if I wanted to be with her now, I could. I don't think it's gonna happen. I'd rather have you respect me now, even though you might not want to see me as often, or as much as we were. It's not what I want, but I respect your position.


Me: I still want to hang out with you, I just think we should be more...normal.


Brazil: Lol ok. Cause we too weird, right? Haha I'll be home all afternoon as I said, and if you want to come by, the offer still stands.

After that I went on to explain that I just want us to spend more time getting to know each other outside of "My place or your place?" situations and we both basically came to the conclusion that we want the same things right now, but the future is still up in the air. So we're just gonna...go with it and see what happens.

After work last night, I crashed at his place, since it's close by. He did stay at my place on Friday night, so I guess I'm gonna let that situation slide...for now. He even bought cereal and milk! Just for me!! Because I was teasing him about never having any food at his place, and he knows how much I love breakfast. :)
This morning, he had to get up around 10 and go to band practice, but instead of waking me, he kissed the exposed side of my neck and told me to stay and sleep as long as I wanted. So when I finally got up this afternoon, I did a little cleaning up around his place for him. :) He literally just got home and found it a minute ago. Haha. After his band practice, he went over to a friends place to watch the Superbowl so I told him he'd find some surprises when he got home. I'll paste...


Brazil: Harry Potter takeover on my laptop?? Lol. 

I put a HP desktop background on his computer. Hehehe...

Me: Hahaha congratulations! You found surprise number 1!


Brazil: Ha!! My table is cleaned! :D

He literally had the most cluttered kitchen table I've ever seen in my life! It took me like an hour just to go through all the crap he had!!

Brazil: Temper Trap? Lol.

I downloaded their Conditions album and added it to his iTunes. Then I proceeded to listen to it while I did his dishes. Lol.


Brazil: Thanks a lot!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :) ;)


Me: Lol yessss...there's just one more.


Brazil: DISHES!!! :D


Me: DINGDINGDINGDING!!! Lol, that's all of them, unless you want to count my subway sandwich that I forgot in your fridge. :(


Brazil: Thanks for doing that, it would have probably taken me ages to touch that table


Me: Lol I've never seen so many pill bottles in my life. Or unopened mail!! I left the trash in those bags on the chair, just in case you wanna look through them and check I didn't throw out anything you need.


Brazil: :P K, thanks, I'll go through it!

So clearly he needs to do some organizing. But I'm finding that sometimes, I like having someone to take care of.  :)

Making Music Again

So my piano lesson yesterday went great! In fact, it ended up lasting two hours instead of one. I barely made it to class on time, but it was worth it! This guy has a really unique approach to teaching music. And I can tell that it's going to keep me interested, and practicing, and making myself improve. And to top it all off, he's throwing a party for his students in a couple weeks. Everybody shows up, meets each other, eats, drinks, and performs, of course! And he told me he wants me to come, and play my Chopin. So I have 2 weeks to polish it up before then. But I'm excited! It'll be fun to meet some more new people, and it's been so long since I've had something to actually work towards, ya know?

Anyway, today was not such a good day... I slept through my alarm this morning and was two and a half hours late to my critique!!! For those of you who don't know about critiques, they are the equivalent of a major test in art school. Everyone shows their work, and everyone critiques each other. As soon as I realized what time it was upon getting out of bed, I immediately began to panic. I was tornadoing around my bedroom with a steady stream of curses coming out of my mouth, literally flinging on sweat pants, putting my hair in a ponytail until finally I ran out the door. Lucky for me, my teacher is nice, and she knows how hard I've been working, so after I apologized profusely to her for being late, she said she knows I'm not a slacker, and I can just show my pieces after lunch. *Phew!* I guess hard work really does pay off sometimes. Crisis averted! I had another critique in my next class, which went much better than the first one, thank God! So now I have a couple of weeks to just...breathe. Although I have so many ideas and so many things I want to do now (art project-wise) that I'm still going to be rushing (read: stressing) to cram everything in before the end of the semester. But at least I'll have something to show for it, hopefully.

On a side note, if anyone needs to be entertained, like really entertained, I highly recommend you read this: http://thebloggess.com/2011/06/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/
A friend forwarded it to me and I seriously laughed out loud through most of it! And there are pictures! Haha.

Also, if you guys know any other Bedroom Blog readers looking for some new reading material, please send them my way!! There might just be something in it for you! ;)

STIR CRAZY!

THAT'S WHAT I AM!!
For one, I'm bored. I'm broke. And I'm dieting. So that pretty much eliminates EVERYTHING I can do that's fun.

And second??
SECOND???????


BILL STILL HASN'T CALLED. WTF????

He said he wanted to get together, that he wanted to take me out on a date. Like a real date! Not like, "hey let's sit at your place and drink beer cuz I don't have a job or any money huh huh."
Ugggghhhhhh.....

I need to get out of my own head BAD. I can't wait for Wednesday!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

WTF??

All day I've had this weird feeling like...like last night didn't really happen. Like I must've just dreamed it or something. I mean, there I was in a public place kissing some guy I hardly know! And now I just feel...weird about it. I dunno. There must be something wrong with me. I just can't decide how I feel about Bill!
And you know what else? I didn't hear from him all day, and it bothers me. It bothers me! WHY?? I can't even decide if I like the dude or not, but I'm irritated that he didn't at least text me all damn day. ((Sigh)) GOD I am fucked up. Thank goodness school is starting on Wednesday. I'll be too busy with class to think or worry about anything else. I hope.

Where To Draw The Line

Ok, I really feel like I'm starting to go crazy! Lane is in St. Louis for the weekend, and I haven't seen him since he left the morning after the 4th. ((Sigh))
All I keep thinking about is, "What's he thinking about? Is he thinking about me? I hope he's thinking about me."
I had a long conversation with my old friend, Nick, on the phone the other night about him. I'm just...still trying to figure him out I guess. I mean, I just want to know if he really likes me, and wants actually date me, or if this is just a matter of what's convenient. Nick says I should just flat out ask him what he wants out of this. I don't know if I can do that though. I still think it's too soon. But I just can't stop over analyzing and obsessing! Especially now that he's gone. The idea of going through this weekend without seeing him is such a drag!

But here's the kicker.
The big thing I purposely haven't told any of you...




He's only twenty-two!!!! ((Sigh)) I didn't know he was that young when I first decided I was into him! I thought he was at least twenty-five! He doesn't look or act young, although it does sort of explain his job situation, or lack thereof. It's just...I don't feel like a guy his age could possibly want the same things I do. And as much as I like him, I'm afraid that if I really get involved with him, I could be missing out on other guys, who are more...suitable?
I dunno... It's just that I had all these requirements...he has to have a good job, a good education, be taller than me, be older than me, not be a douche, not have any kids, not have tons of baggage...which, actually Lane meets all of those except the job and the age. ((Sigh)) So where do I draw the line?? Do I just say "Fuck it!" and go for it, or should I stop now before it's too late??? Should I even be worrying about this right now??? I mean, I'm having so much fun, and I finally feel like I really belong here. I don't wanna lose that. And I don't want things to get weird between Lane and I because if it doesn't work out between us, I'd like us to remain friends, if at all possible. But the thing is, I think I do want it to work out!
But I definitely said I'd never date a 22 year old that night we went to JJ's house. And he heard me say it. So what if he thinks he doesn't have a chance? What if he thinks I'm just out to have a good time, no strings attached? I'm not gonna lie, it may have started out that way, me just doing whatever I felt like doing, but now it's more than that. I just don't know if I can get past his age. I swore to myself after Rusty that I'd never date another guy that's younger than me. But he's nothing like Rusty!
He's sweet, and funny, and considerate, and kind, and I'm attracted to him, and we have amazing conversations, and I love kissing him, and I think about him all the time, and I miss him when he's gone... So what do I do??