Thursday, February 16, 2012

Baby Steps

Ok first of all I want to THANK EVERYONE for your comments and support!! Lol. I did not give Brazil a BJ! Lol. Although I decided that on my own, before reading the comments. However, I just wanna clarify one little detail. I don't feel like he's going to blow me off because I'm not giving him blowjobs. I just know that those are his favorite thing, and I don't want him to think that I'm sexually boring, or prude or something. Because I'm not. It's just a big deal is all. But anyway, I went over to his place tonight and we had such an amazing time! We just talked for like 2 hours. And I feel like we're really making progress.
Oh, and neither one of us mentioned Valentine's Day, but who cares anyway? After our talk, I can understand why he would want to avoid the subject. He asked me stuff about my family for the first time, and we ended up talking about my parents impending divorce. And he said he's really sorry about it, like really. And we talked a little about my family, which was nice.
Then he asked me why I like him, and why I'm "going out" with him. Lol, he was like, "Do you even know why? Cuz I don't! But I could tell you right now why I like you!" And I asked him why and he said, "Because I think you're very pretty, and you're funny."
And I laughed and said, "That's it? That's all I have going for me?" Lol, and then he said, "Those are really important!" And then he went on to tell me how he has these really high standards, and then he opened up my facebook page and started scrolling through all my really old photos and telling me I look like a supermodel...((blush)) I get so embarrassed when he talks to me like that! Lol.
Oh! Speaking of embarrassed, he finally sang a song for me tonight! :) It took him a while to get going, cuz he said he was nervous, and embarrassed with me watching. But he sounded good! And no one has ever sung me a song before, just for me. It was Foo Fighters, Everlong. GREAT song btw..
So anyway, I told him I like him because he's interesting, which is true, and that there were more reasons, but I didn't want to inflate his ego too much. Haha. Then we had sex, and then we talked some more! And while we were laying there, he looked at me and said, "I'm scared."
"Of what?" I asked.

He gestured at himself and then me, "Of this. I'm just not ready to make any commitments right now."

I smiled at him, because I didn't even bring it up! He did!

"I know," I said, "You've made that very clear."

"Well it's just that I sort of feel obligated* to you already."

(*side note: I think he used the word obligated here because he's foreign, and couldn't think of a better word. Lol, but I think what he meant was more along the lines of "invested".)
"Obligated? Obligated to what?"

"You know, like...I just don't want to hurt you, or get hurt myself."

"I know. But you're not obligated to do anything. You make it seem like it's negative"

"No! Nothing about you is negative." He gave me a squeeze, "I'm just not ready for a relationship."

I didn't say anything. I mean I didn't know what to say, I already know this! But then he said, "...YET!" and I couldn't help but smile.

I'm not sure why he brought that up, cuz I wasn't going to mention anything about V-Day or anything at that point. But it's nice to know that he feels something more for me than just...casual. And it makes me feel more calm about the future. You guys know how I get... ((Rolls eyes))

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