Friday, July 8, 2011

Where To Draw The Line

Ok, I really feel like I'm starting to go crazy! Lane is in St. Louis for the weekend, and I haven't seen him since he left the morning after the 4th. ((Sigh))
All I keep thinking about is, "What's he thinking about? Is he thinking about me? I hope he's thinking about me."
I had a long conversation with my old friend, Nick, on the phone the other night about him. I'm just...still trying to figure him out I guess. I mean, I just want to know if he really likes me, and wants actually date me, or if this is just a matter of what's convenient. Nick says I should just flat out ask him what he wants out of this. I don't know if I can do that though. I still think it's too soon. But I just can't stop over analyzing and obsessing! Especially now that he's gone. The idea of going through this weekend without seeing him is such a drag!

But here's the kicker.
The big thing I purposely haven't told any of you...

He's only twenty-two!!!! ((Sigh)) I didn't know he was that young when I first decided I was into him! I thought he was at least twenty-five! He doesn't look or act young, although it does sort of explain his job situation, or lack thereof. It's just...I don't feel like a guy his age could possibly want the same things I do. And as much as I like him, I'm afraid that if I really get involved with him, I could be missing out on other guys, who are more...suitable?
I dunno... It's just that I had all these requirements...he has to have a good job, a good education, be taller than me, be older than me, not be a douche, not have any kids, not have tons of baggage...which, actually Lane meets all of those except the job and the age. ((Sigh)) So where do I draw the line?? Do I just say "Fuck it!" and go for it, or should I stop now before it's too late??? Should I even be worrying about this right now??? I mean, I'm having so much fun, and I finally feel like I really belong here. I don't wanna lose that. And I don't want things to get weird between Lane and I because if it doesn't work out between us, I'd like us to remain friends, if at all possible. But the thing is, I think I do want it to work out!
But I definitely said I'd never date a 22 year old that night we went to JJ's house. And he heard me say it. So what if he thinks he doesn't have a chance? What if he thinks I'm just out to have a good time, no strings attached? I'm not gonna lie, it may have started out that way, me just doing whatever I felt like doing, but now it's more than that. I just don't know if I can get past his age. I swore to myself after Rusty that I'd never date another guy that's younger than me. But he's nothing like Rusty!
He's sweet, and funny, and considerate, and kind, and I'm attracted to him, and we have amazing conversations, and I love kissing him, and I think about him all the time, and I miss him when he's gone... So what do I do??


caitlyn said...

I have read your blog since you started it and i absolutely love it, but you need to get over the stupid age thing. i understand your concerns of him being younger but after reading your blog youre kind of acting like a 22 year old so it shouldn't be bothering you that much. just say "fuck it" and go for it. Lane seems like a great guy and you'll kick yourself and will always be thinking about him if you dont go for it. Also just ask him flat out what he wants from this. Even if its not the answer you want you'll feel so much better after you do.

Anonymous said...

Ok.. not to be too judgemental or anything.. but jesus your "requirements" are a little too much. I understand the non-douche thing and even the kid thing. But the rest? A good job and education? You don't even have that, so why is it a MUST for him to? You just left a shitty job, then had no job and finally have a job waitressing while YOU are in college. Not to mention that you are in your late 20's... not 22. So again I ask.. how is it fair for you judge his life when yours really isn't much better?
Why can't you just decide per individual what you like and what you won't except? Like the guy who's a slob (aka horder).. that's unexceptable and a total deal breaker for a relationship.

Rachael said...

I say, go for it. Age is just a number. Tell him what you want!

Ashley said...

I agree with all of the other commenters. Age is just a number. And, perhaps you have your standards bar set a bit high knowing that no one can meet those standards just so you won't date/get hurt. Enjoy summer, enjoy life and just take it one day at a time. In my opinion, I would not ask Lane "Where is this going?" or "What do you want from this?" as you've only been hanging out for a few weeks. Let it ride for a bit before you start trying to steer.

Look at it like this - If he asked you that same question, what would you say???