Tuesday, July 12, 2011


Well tonight's improv class kind of sucked. Mainly because I was looking forward to it so much, for a couple of reasons...

1) We didn't have class last week, cuz of the holiday
2) I would finally get to see Lane since he was out of town all weekend
3) I was sure we would be going out again afterwards for another night of debauchery, followed by (hopefully) some more making out and a possible sleepover

Well, Lane was there, of course, but he seemed really...strange. Just not himself, I guess. And I was trying to not be weird myself, since it was the first class we had since we started...whatever we're doing. And I swore to him (and myself) it wouldn't be weird between us. So I made it a point to talk to him and Will during the short break we had, and I sat next to him at some point, but I could just tell there was something wrong. He wasn't being his normal, upbeat, outgoing self. So naturally, I thought maybe it was something to do with me. Maybe after spending a little time apart over the last week, he decided he just wanted to stay friends, and he wasn't really that interested? Or maybe he reconnected with an old girlfriend back home, or maybe he just met someone new...?! ((Sigh))
All these thoughts ended up being a terrible distraction for me during class, so I totally sucked today. And that pisses me off because I never wanted our relationship (or whatever you wanna call it) to affect class! In ANY way! Especially not my performance. Ugh...
Anyway, after class, everybody stayed at the theater to watch a show, so I assumed we'd be going out later as usual. So we all convened outside when the show ended.

"So what's the plan guys?" I asked cheerfully.

"I gotta go home. Gotta get up in the morning." Will said.

"Yea, I think I'm gonna peace out too. I just don't wanna drink tonight." Lane chimed in.

"Really??" I said, genuinely shocked.

"Yea, I have an interview tomorrow, and I my weekend was just..." He sort of trailed off.

"Oooookay then." I said, trying to hide my disappointment.

"I just need to give my wallet a break during the week. And we're gonna go to the show tomorrow night, if you're interested." He recovered.

"Yea, sure. Just...text me tomorrow and let me know what's up."

So Will and Lane left, and I hung back for a minute before heading home myself. As I walked, I couldn't stop analyzing everything Lane had said and done. He was distracted and distant all night, quiet, brooding almost, and not up for drinks. SOOO NOT like him.

So I decided to shoot him a text. When I pulled out my phone, I saw that I already had a message, from Will.

"Sorry to be captain buzzkill", it said.

I laughed and wrote back, "You should be! Now EVERYONE is going home!!!"

Then I wrote a message to Lane that said, "Dude are you ok? You seemed...I dunno. Weird."

A minute later I got a response.
"Umm I am feeling a little weird but I'm gonna try to shake it off. This weekend was weird for me."

"Awe, how come?" I asked, trying not to seem like I was prying, but still concerned.

"It's hard to explain and everyone keeps advising me not to get so distraught about it." He responded.

"Distraught? That's a good word. I think you might have actually talked to me a little bit about this that night you were drunk, but everyone deals with shit in their own way."

"I did? Oh shit, what did I say?"

"Lol, relax! You didn't say anything terrible. You were majorly ADD when we were talking so you kept going off on random tangents, but you told me about your friends from high school, some chick and her bf who hate you because they're jealous and think you're copying them or something, and how your friends from home keep spreading your shit around, and you're sick of it. Am I right?"

"Oh yea, that's all true. That's not really what got to me though. It was more family related and not inherently bad which is why it's hard to explain."

"Hmmm...very cryptic. Ok well...I honestly don't know what to say, but if you wanna talk, I'm a good listener, and if you don't, that's cool too. Whatevs."

"Yea, I'm not ready to talk on this yet but I appreciate it. Ebb and flow. I'll come around."

So, I feel pretty good about how that conversation ended. I mean, I know it's not me anymore for one. And he knows I care, but I'm not gonna pester him for info if he doesn't wanna share. So I just let him know that I'm willing to listen when he's ready to talk.
That's good, right? God, I'm so rusty at this shit. Lol. But if anyone knows anything about family bullshit, it's me. Ugh...

Well, hopefully he'll be feeling more like himself tomorrow when we meet up for the show. But what really sucks is...

1) I wasted a really cute outfit
2) I cleaned my room AND MADE MY BED, cuz I figured he would be coming over! Well, all I had to do to clean was sweep, but still...
3) I shaved my legs

AND FOR WHAT?!? I guess you can never really plan for anything. Nothing is ever easy.

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