Sunday, February 26, 2012

What Do I Do??

You guys this is killing me. I'm a total mess. I've been crying and listening to Taylor Swift all day. When I left his place yesterday, which is the noise you hear at the end of the recording, he sent me a message, about 15 minutes later that said, "I don't know where all this is coming from, but i just want you to know i would not use you, and i was giving this a real shot. this sucks..."
I didn't respond at the time, because I was too upset. But I thought about everything, long and hard and around 3am, I wrote him back.

"Look, i heard that you went out with stephanie last weekend purely by coincidence. And i'm not going to tell you who, so don't bother asking. No one was trying to throw you under the bus. But you have NO IDEA how it felt to hear that... I seriously thought I could trust you, but I literally spent most of today second guessing everything you've ever said to me. Just when I was starting to get used to the idea of you being around, and really developing feelings for you and its like I really don't think you're being honest with me. What am I supposed to do [Brazil]?? I've been burned too many times. This fucking sucks for me a lot more than it sucks for you. That seriously hurt me. I just wish you have been honest with me about it. I've been very accommodating and understanding through all of this, but I'm tired of being your backup. I deserve better than that and you know it. Work your shit out with stephanie."

He never responded. How is possible for me to miss him so much already?? I know you guys all think he's a jerk, and I shouldn't let him explain himself, but I wanna talk to him so bad! He's on facebook chat right now and I'm just so tempted to reach out to him... But I don't know if it's a good idea. I'm just too emotional right now. ((Sigh))

No comments: