Things with Brazil and I have been going very well. Almost...too well? Lol maybe I'm just being weird, but I can't help but waiting for the other shoe to drop. He says he enjoys my company more and more every time he sees me, and when I'm busy with school, which is pretty often these days, he asks, "Well when am I gonna see you?" Lol. It's sweet! Although, one of my readers, Janelle, has brought up an interesting point in the comments. It doesn't really seem like we are taking it slow, so...what are we doing? I mean he's told me a couple times that he wants to go slow, but it doesn't seem like we are, so I don't know what that means. I think I'll ask him...
Anyway, Valentine's Day is coming up ((barf!)) and it's starting to make me nervous because I don't know what or if I should expect anything? I don't mean like gifts or anything, I never expect stuff like that. But I mean I don't know if he's gonna want to hang out, or just pretend V-Day doesn't exist? I just don't know!
What I do know is that this might be the most honest "relationship" (for lack of a better word) that I've ever been in. I don't have to worry about ever walking on eggshells, or saying the wrong thing to him because he doesn't play games with me! He tells me what he wants, and what he's thinking, and I do the same. But this situation is a little hairy...I don't want to bring up Valentine's Day to him, because then he's automatically going to think I want or expect something. But I don't wanna tell him like, "Oh, let's not celebrate Valentine's Day" either, because if he does want to do something, I don't wanna discourage him either! ((Sigh))
Ok he and I are having a facebook conversation right now (he's at work) about taking it slow, and he what he means by it. Lol. Here ya go:
Me: Hey are you busy? I have to ask you something.
Me: well a while back you told me you wanted to take things slow, but I
don't really feel like we are...do you?? lol. I guess I just wanna know
what your definition of "take it slow" is.
Me: lol well i don't know either!
Brazil: i guess we are. I mean, we're not seeing each other everyday... there are no big commitments made... we're kinda taking it day by day i'd say
Me: well no...but i don't see any one person EVERY DAY. except Jasper
Brazil: haha right
Me: well i'm happy with the way things are now, but if you meet someone
else, i want to know. especially if you start seeing someone else,
because...that would be weird.
Brazil: oh yeah, fair enough!
Brazil: of course id say
Brazil: i have lots of consideration for u
be quite honest, i feel like im getting to know u, and feeling the
ground to see if we're compatible... i like what i see so far, thats all
i can say
Brazil: meeting someone else its not on the agenda so far btw.. lol
Me: so how do you know if someone is compatible or not??
Me: well yes, obviously, but i mean...how do you know? lol
Me: i feel like that's something i know right away. but your definitely of compatible might be different than mine
say this, im kinda of afraid of being mega committed right now, you know
why, but at the same time im not going to go out and start seeing other
people as if i was mega available, you know what i mean?
Brazil: im not that clueless
Me: You say "mega" alot. lol.
Brazil: cause its MEGA!!! :P
Me: lol you're ridiculous.
Me: ok so what you're saying is, you don't want to make a commitment to anyone, but you're not acting like you're available either
Me: am I right?
Brazil: im saying i dont want a huge commitment right now, Im still dealing with shit, and even though
every day things get easier, and i get more light headed, Im still
getting back to normal. Yes, im not gonna go out hooking up to anyone
ramdomly if thats what ur asking
Brazil: right now, im going out with you, and If i ever felt interested or felt the need to see someone else, you'd be the first to know
So there you have it, my friends. Thoughts?