Saturday, March 10, 2012

Give Up

I think I'm literally having the worst day of my life. I went to the lake with Jasper today to take pictures for my project that's due this week. The sun was out, it was a great day for shooting. I had my tripod and everything set up, and we were at the harbor, where it's flat and cement, good surface for a tripod. Well as I'm taking a picture, a huge gust of wind comes and blows my tripod camera and all into the lake. It's still there, somewhere 9 feet under the freezing cold water, never to be seen again.
Brand new $1400 camera gone. Lens gone. Tripod gone. Project gone. Memory card gone. Pictures gone.
LIFE gone.

This is the second time in 2 weeks that I've suddenly been confronted with a situation where I need to spend thousands of dollars. Last week it was the dentist, now this. I can't stop balling, I'm just so devastated. NOw I don't have a camera, and I can't finish my project for school. I mean, photography is the main reason I came up here to this fucking concrete jungle and now I don't even have a camera! I JUST bought that camera! What am I going to do/??? I just wanna die right now. I can never seem to get anything fucking right. EVerything is a mistake. I just keep FUCKING EVERYTHING UP!!? I just wanna quit school and move back to Houston and be done with it. I've failed. And I have NO ONE here. NO ONE. I've called my mom like 12 times and even she doesn't answer. I've drifted apart from all the good friends I had in Houston, and I don't really have any good friends here. At least none that I can call when I'm crying hysterically. I don't have a boyfriend, or someone to hold me when I'm sad or just need a shoulder to cry on. There's just Sophie. And I hardly ever see her. I just wanna give up.
I wanna give up on everything.


Katie said...

This might be a long shot, but do you have renter's insurance? A lot of people don't know that it covers losses outside of your home as well, so if you have it, you can make a claim for your camera and equipment and only have to pay your deductible. I've definitely had days like that where I just want to give up and nothing is going right. Just remember that it always gets better.

Anonymous said...

If it's the worst day of your life then things can only get better from here and you've survived the worst.
Make a list of all the good things in your life - from basic to trivial, and really try to think how lucky you are compared to a lot of the world. Sounds cliched but if you do it sincerely it'll help.

autumn said...

Im sorry. I just moved to Chicago and its been really fucking hard too. I hope things get better for you.

http://sweetcanadian.blogspot.com/ said...

Wow, i don't blame you for being so upset. I would be totally heartbroken too. When you don't have tons of ready cash it is extremely hard to accept those lumps. I hope you have insurance.

Anonymous said...

Failure doesn't come when you fall. it comes when you don't pick yourself back up. I have 4 children and my husband owns his own business. We were well off not rich comfortable. than his business partner stole half a million dollars from the company. the company went bankrupt with all the funds gone. We have no back up. NO family to move in with. In order to keep my kids from being homeless i took a waitressing job making $10 a hour with no tips. It is a struggle still but I will not let myself stay down.

You can do it. You are stronger than you realize. we all have days when we forget what we are capable of. Cry if you need sleep if you want but the next day get up get dressed and do not let anything keep you down.