Duped

So I recently found out that I have to move out of my place a lot sooner than I had planned...
Dane sent me an email last week, citing our differences in lifestyles (I supposedly  wake him up when I get home from work. HELLO?! His fucking loud ass girlfriend wakes me up EVERY GODDAMN SUNDAY!!!) and saying that he no longer wants to live with a dog, and he wants me to move out by June. Fucking asshole.
So now I can't move in with Katie, and I have to find a place quick, because I just wanna get out of here ASAP. So on top of everything else I have going on, with my camera, and my probably super expensive dentist appt tomorrow, now I have to move. Ugh...
So I've been really stressed out, and just generally freaking out in all my spare time. Thursday night after work, I was doing my closeout stuff, getting ready to leave when I saw that Brazil was online. And I messaged him. I just wanted to talk to him, I needed to talk to him. To someone. But I wanted it to be him. So I asked him if he had any weed, and if I could stop by and smoke.
Of course we ended up having sex. I won't deny it, but first let me give you some of the details of my visit...
I had no intentions of sleeping with him, although I can't deny that the thought crossed my mind. Scratch that, maybe I did subconsciously know I was going to sleep with him. Maybe that was what I wanted. Ugh, I don't know! Well when I got there, I sat across the way from him, not next to him, and I just unloaded everything. He donated to my camera fund by the way, and posted it to his facebook. So we're talking, and he says I look really sad, and I'm telling him why. And then out of nowhere, in the middle of our conversation about me finding a new place, he says, "I missed you."
I didn't say anything back. In fact, I didn't even acknowledge what he said. I just...lit the bowl. Then he leans in and tries to kiss me, but I turn away. Well this continues for a while, him trying to kiss me, me not letting him, and him getting frustrated and asking me why I won't kiss him. I say, "Why should I kiss you?" And he just keeps trying. I told him I don't trust him.
He says he doesn't want to use me. I say he already has. He gets a little mad about that, but he tells me again that he really misses me, and that he thought I wanted to come over to talk about us, so we could work things out. And he wants to keep seeing me.
I asked him what's changed, and he said he's been battling things. Refusing to see or speak to Stephanie. And I'm like, so...nothing's changed really. Then I tell him that even if I agreed to see him again, things could never just go back to the way they were.
He gets frustrated again. Then he asks me what it is I want from him, and I'm just like I dunno. Cuz I don't! I don't even know what I'm doing there, but I know it's a bad idea! We start listening to Jeff Buckley, my favorite. I blame Jeff for sleeping with him.
Afterwards I just felt shame. Pure, unadulterated shame. I quickly got dressed and said I needed to go.
"You don't need me to walk you out, do you?"
The most asshole-ish thing he could possibly say.
I roll my eyes, "No. Of course not." I say sarcastically. He doesn't pick up on it.
So I leave, planning to never speak to him again.

But then I text him again Friday after work, because I think I may have left the lens cap to my temporary camera at his place, and well...cuz I'm curious what he's doing. He doesn't respond.
I text him again last night. He responds this time, I ask him about the lens cap, he says he doesn't have it. I ask him what he's doing. He doesn't respond.
Now I'm irritated, because it's obvious he's avoiding me. And I'm super pissed at myself for letting him take advantage of me.
So this morning I get up, guns blazing about it, and I message him on facebook.

"So...did you mean any of that stuff you said the other night? or were you just saying that to get me to sleep with you?"

"Alright. Listen."

That always means bad news when he says, "listen".
Then he doesn't say anything for a while so I'm like, "I'd still like an answer."

Then he says, "im in love with stephanie. she's a terrible person, a bitch , a witch and i hate the myself for feeling the way i do, i hate myself everyday because of it. Yes, i enjoy ur company , and yes I do like you, and i miss hanging out with you, and there's nothing in the world id like more to forget that bitch and focus on you. but i cant control my feelings, and its killing me everyday."

"god
you are such an ass
ok
goodbye"

And I sign off.

And that is THE END of Brazil.
For real this time.

Karma

So when I got to work Thursday night, the first thing I heard was that Kate was a no-call, no-show on Wednesday. LMAO. I can't help but feel a little responsible for this. And a little giddy. I knew she wouldn't last.
The past 2 nights were decent, but considering how broke I am, the money still isn't enough! For some reason, I've only been getting 3-4 shifts a week since I got back from Europe. I may have to bring this up with Mr. S... Well, there's still tonight, I suppose.
And Monday, is the boat party!! I can't wait! It's gonna be so much fun.
In the meantime, I have tomorrow off, and Law School and I have tentative plans. I've decided that since Brandon has been so adamant about me not chasing him, I'm determined have my own life and my own friends, even if they're guys. And I've already talked to Law School about the whole "Can guys and girls have completely platonic relationships?" and he said, "Absolutely!"
So I don't have to worry about him expecting anything else. We just get along really well, and we have a lot of common interests. He's like one of those people that you meet, and feel like you've known for years. So conversation flows easily, and it's never awkward. So we may hang out tomorrow night, but his bar exam is next week, so who knows! He may just study all day like he has been for the past week. We'll see...

Well, I guess I don't really have much else to blog about as of right now. I'll try to post again Monday night or Tuesday!

Spontaneous Trippage

Since I've been back, I've been doing a lot of partying with my coworkers. And it's been awesome! And Tuesday it was somebody's birthday, so naturally, all of us were out. Including Brandon and I.
In the midst of all our partying, Cameryn, one of my managers, asked us if we wanted to go to Austin tomorrow. All the managers had been invited to some huge party, hosted by Dos Equis, and hotel rooms were already paid for, etc. Brandon was hesitant at first, but I talked him into it.
So Wednesday afternoon, Brandon, me and Sheila, another one of my coworkers, all headed out to Austin together. By the time we got there, it was like 7:30, and Mr. P, Cameryn, DJ, Mark, Ali, Blinn, and The Albanian were ready and waiting for us. So we jumped in the van, and we were off! The castle where the party was being held was about an hour and a half outside of Austin. So we stopped and picked up some beers on the way (don't worry, we were being chauffeured). By the time we got there, it was about 9:30, because we had to make several stops for bathroom breaks. Lol. This place was literally out in the middle of nowhere, and there were cars everywhere. And cops, and buses, and people walking around in the middle of the street... It was complete chaos!! The cops were trying to shut down the party, and weren't letting anyone else pass. All of us were pissed, but especially DJ, cuz he had friends in there or something. But we just figured, what the hell! We're in Austin, let's head back and hit downtown. So we left.
Once we got back into Austin, the van dropped us off at the bar of Mr. P.'s choosing, and we got started on the shots. I seriously don't think I spent a penny all night, between Mr. P. and Blinn buying us all rounds. Brandon, Mark and I smoked a little reefer too, so we were startin' to feel pretty good! After about an hour, we headed to 5th Street, and planted ourselves in another bar. We took more shots, danced, and just had an amazing time! It was so much fun! And I've never gotten to see Brandon dance before, so it was pretty hot.
Me and Brandon, Sheila and Mark were sharing a hotel room , so when we got back to the hotel, we all went in the bathroom and smoked some more. Lol. Mark is the biggest pothead ever. Blinn and The Albanian stopped by our room, and Blinn was wildly drunk. He took a handful of Brandon's weed and ate it!! ]
He kept saying "This tastes like sourdough!" Lol. I took pictures.
This morning, I was surprisingly not hungover, but I was exhausted, and my memory was a little fuzzy. I just kept thinking what a whirlwind adventure that was, and how much fun we had. Oh, and I kept thinking how Mark has now seen me in my underwear. ((Sigh)) Oh well.

Ok, now I wanna update you all on the new girl at work that I hate. Her name is Kate, and she just turned 20, and she constantly is throwing herself at Brandon. That's the first reason why I don't like her. The second reason, is because the first shift I worked with her was her first paid shift. And all she kept asking at the end of the night was how much money she could expect to make, and how she made $350 every Friday at her last job, and blablabla... I just wanted to smack her.
So I flat out told her, "Yea, you're not gonna make that here. You're never gonna get the shifts that make that money, because those shifts go to the people with seniority. And right now, you're at the bottom of the totem pole. So don't expect to make that."
Then she went on about how she's so used to being a big fish in a little pond, pulled out a wad of cash, and said, "See this is how much money I made at my other job last night!"
I pointedly did not look. What a stupid bitch.
If you like your other job so much, why the fuck are you working here??
Ugh... So then, Greg said something about me and Brandon, and she immediately turns to look at me and goes, "You and Brandon are together??"
"Yea." I said flatly.
"Oh... Well how long has that been going on??" She asked.
Bitch! It doesn't matter if it's been going on 2 seconds, cuz you still don't have a chance, now back the fuck off!
That was what I wanted to say.
But Greg interjected for me. "Like nine years!" He said, laughing.
I laughed it off too, but I could tell she wasn't happy about it.
Did I mention she wears crop tops, cut off shorts and dark pink old lady lipstick?? WTF??

UGH!! This girl just totally rubs me the wrong way.
And I'm not the only one. Bethany and Alyssa don't like her either, and I've heard from about 4 others that she's not their favorite person. So we'll see how long she lasts, what with everyone disliking her and all. Haha. At least she's under 21, and she won't be at the boat party this Monday. It's gonna be so much fun, I can't wait!!!

Well, I'm about to go to work now. Brandon's picking me up :), so I gotta go!

Home Sweet Home

I lost track of my traveling journal after that last night. We did end up making it back to Slovakia that night though. Emma and I were both so relieved to get away from Stajno and Davíd! We rested up a day in Slovakia and then took a train to Prague the next day to meet up with Sophie and Brent. We had so much fun with them! And it was totally awesome to not be the odd person out for once. And of course it was just wonderful being with Sophie and Brent. Like a breath of fresh air! Prague was beautiful, and fun, and we stayed in a really nice hostel. The train was cool too, cuz I'd never ridden one before. Of course, we actually had to backpack there though, so Emma and I were exhausted and sore when we got back. And then finally, it was time for me to fly home! I was soooooo happy!
I had a plane from Slovakia to Prague, then from Prague to Amsterdam, and then from Amsterdam back to the states. But unfortunately, my plane from Prague to Amsterdam got wayyyy delayed, which made me miss my plane back into the states! I was soooo pissed. I mean I was that close to getting home! And I just wanted to see Brandon and Jasper!! ((Sigh)) But the airlines put me up in a hotel in Amsterdam for the night. The hotel was really nice, but of course it was literally out in the middle of nowhere, so I couldn't even go check out any cafes or anything. I was pretty pissed about that. Except that by this time, not only was I tired, but I was developing an eye infection from my contacts, and one of my tooth fillings had popped out! It was in pretty bad shape. I called my mom, all upset and told her what was going on, and she made me feel better, and promised to make me dentist and eye doctor appointments for the day I got back.
Brandon was originally supposed to pick me up from the airport, but since I didn't make my first plane, he wasn't able to. So my dad picked me up. The flight was long, and there was a horrible child, screaming the whole way, with horrible parents, who just continued to reward her for her horrible behavior. Ugh. I can't stand people like that. But finally I made it. And now, I'm writing to you from my couch, and I'm back, and all in one piece. ((Phew!))
I know it's been a while since I've written, and already so many things have happened since I've been back. But I've hardly had a second to spare! Here's a quick summary of what I've been dealing with.

1) I have to move. Pretty much immediately, but I found a pretty awesome place today, and I'm gonna go sign the lease tomorrow
2) Two new girls at work. One of them I like, the other one I hate, because she incessantly flirts with Brandon!!!!!
3) Brandon's Daddy issues are flaring up again. Apparently he missed his stepmom's father's funeral or something, and so his dad is all pissed at him, which led to a full-on, drunken, disaster of a night this weekend. I don't even wanna get into that...
4) Have I mentioned my new guy friend? I met him just before I left. He moved here recently, and we've hung out (in groups!) a couple times. He's just lots of fun.
5) I have absolutely no tolerance for alcohol anymore. Not since Europe. So this story I have to tell you guys.

Last Tuesday, Brandon and I decided to go out for drinks, just the 2 of us. But then, we ended up running into Tug, and it just turned into a huge group of our coworkers, and we were all partying and having a good time. This was also the first time I'd seen a lot of these people since I'd been back, so they were all buying me shots and stuff. Well, at the end of the night, Brandon is dropping his friend off at his car, so Bethany and I are waiting for him. And I plop my ass down in this tree. Please note, I didn't climb the tree, it was just a short tree, with a perfect spot for sitting, so I sat. About 5 minutes later, there were fire ants, allllll over me! And of course, by the time I realize this, they're all inside my pants and everything. So Bethany and I are frantically trying to get these ants off, and I'm freaking out, and I somehow cut my arm on a fence, pretty bad too, but I have no recollection of doing so. And then I have to take my pants off, and Tug is laughing at me... ((Sigh))
The next morning, I woke up with over a hundred ant bites. And most of them are on my ass. Seriously. In verrrrrry private places. I had a thong on that night. Ugh. It sucks. BAD. I mean, it looks like I have severe diaper rash on the side of my butt. I don't even wanna put a swim suit on!! The ones on my feet are the most bothersome though, because it hurts to wear shoes, and my toes are all swollen. ((Sigh)) So yea. That's my drunken story. It's pretty funny actually now that I think about it.
Well, anyways... I hope I've satisfied your blog cravings. Sorry I've been MIA. That's going to change now though! Now that I'm all caught up, I can start blogging regularly again. As soon as I finish editing my photos from Europe, I'll try to post some. And if there's anything anyone wants to know, please ask!! Cuz I'm sure I've probably missed some things.
Well, now I really gotta get to bed, cuz I gotta pool party to go to tomorrow! :)
Ciao!!

Party Scars

My plane landed at 10:30 am Sunday, which gave me exactly 30 minutes to get to my work, and catch the bus to the lake.
But I got there in plenty of time, changed, slathered on some tanning lotion, and bought myself an energy drink. Bethany and Tug pulled into the parking lot at the same time as me. Bethany and I smoked a bowl and then hopped on the bus.
Just as I had predicted, we didn't leave on time because we were waiting on Valerie. As usual. She is perpetually late to everything. Well we ended up leaving without her, and she just met us at the dock on the lake.
The boat was awesome! It was 2 stories high, with a slide, lots of food, and lots of liquor! I partied so hard, I can't even begin to tell you... Lol.
I brought my camera, and took tons of pictures. We anchored, and all took turns jumping and diving off the top of the boat. It was so much fun! John was there too, and surprisingly, it actually wasn't awkward between us. But that may have just been because we were both... Well we were both partying. I somehow got this huge bruise on my leg, and I have no idea how it happened, but this morning, I woke up and my entire body was hurting! I took 6 Advil (6 Advil=muscle relaxer) and I'm still in pain! But check out this bruise!

That's the outside of my thigh!

Anyways, apparently there's this new girl who just started, and she' only 19. And for some reason, she came to the party. (!?!?!?) And we'd been on the lake for oh...I dunno, an hour? And she was already puking over the side of the boat. And one of our newer bartenders had to sit and take care of her. Now everyone dislikes her. Mainly because
1) She's too young and shouldn't have come in the first place.
2) Even before she got drunk, she was just trying wayyyyyy too hard to fit in. Laughing at peoples' conversations that she wasn't even included in, trying to be funny, and cute, but just actually coming off as really desperate. Know what I mean?? And
3) She got completely wasted, and made a total fool of herself around a bunch of people she doesn't know, including her bosses!!!

I mean, we do all party together, and drink heavily at times, but we're all friends! We know each other! When I first got hired, I would have been so embarrassed to get that drunk in front of my coworkers and managers. She's only been working there 3 days! She hasn't even finished training yet! WTF!? So needless to say, everyone was really annoyed with her by the end of the day. I mean, she couldn't even be left alone!

Well, after the boat, we all went to Front Porch Pub, drank beer and ate junkfood. Lol. Of course, Mr. P. paid for everything! He ordered like 10 baskets of boneless wings and 5 buckets of Bud Light Lime. He does stuff like that when he goes into party mode. Lol.

After that, a smaller group of us went to the strip club. Lol. It was Cameryn's idea, but she had me convinced when she mentioned that they had a swimming pool! Lol. So it was me, Cameryn, Blinn, Jake the Door Guy, Valerie, Bethany, Tug, John, DJ, Mr. P., Polly (waitress/bartender), and Polly's bf. Valerie was so wasted, that nobody even wanted to be around her! She kept trying to make out with Blinn, and he kept trying to get away from her. Lol. It's pretty funny now in retrospect. So when we decided to leave, Blinn jumped at the chance to get out of there, so he could escape Valerie. Lol.

I vaguely recall John saying something to me about how I frustrated him because I told him before that he needed to be more forward, but then when he was, I wasn't into it. I tried to tell him that I just don't like the way he acts when he's drunk. Then he said that he wasn't drunk the night he asked to spend the night, but I wasn't into him then either. Then I said it was because he just sprung that on me! Anyways, our conversation didn't get past that because Cameryn was ready to leave, and I had ridden with her. But at least we both got to finally speak our thoughts on the whole situation. And at least there are no hard feelings between us now. At least, I don't think there are...

Anyways...I'm starting to feel a little better now. Perhaps those Advil are finally kicking in.

Oliver is getting here on Wednesday at 4 o'clock! I can't wait!!!

Oh, and I'm supposed to have that date tonight with JD. I'll be sure to let you guys know how it goes.