Strangers

Sorry my last post was so weepy. This is the first time I've logged into the blog since I posted that, and I definitely was going through some depression. I think it was mostly the death of my grandfather. I still can't think about him being gone without tearing up. He's the closest person to me that I've lost, and I miss him terribly. But things have gotten a bit better. I'm not depressed anymore anyway. It's just hard for me to blog, because it requires me to examine my life from an inward and exploratory perspective, and honestly, that does tend to make me a bit depressed. So I'm trying to live more in the now. And I'm trying to get out more, and put myself out there more. But it's very difficult. Being in your 30's sucks. I don't know where everyone gets off telling you it's gonna be so great, cuz it's totally not. I'm too old to be irresponsible, hell, I'm too old to WANT to be irresponsible. And the weight of all my responsibilities is crushing! But I don't really feel like an adult yet. I'm still struggling financially and with my own identity, and I'm still single, of course. So it kind of seems like I'm just in limbo, waiting for things to distribute evenly so I can quit this balancing act that is my life. ((Sigh)) But I'm looking ahead, and I'm trying.
Anyway, today I was listening to this Tove Lo song where she says,

Lovers
Into friends
Move on
To strangers

And my brain just took off with that. How weird is it that you can be in love with someone, be incredibly intimate with them, know all their nooks and crannies and secrets, and then BAM! One day, you're complete strangers. It's so unfathomable, isn't it? It makes me quite sad actually. But maybe that's just because I'm alone. But still though, something has been lost, and that's sad. Often it's for the best, but...I dunno. To think about how you can be so close with someone and never expect it to go away, but it does sometimes.
For those of you who don't know Tove Lo, or only know her single, Talking Bodies, I actually came across her album, Queen of the Clouds, a little over a year ago, and it's really amazing. I listened to nothing but that album for like 2 weeks. So check it out if you haven't already.

Chicago: 4, Peyton: 0

Omg...so much has happened recently that every time I'm like, "Man I really need to catch up on my blog!" the thought of everything I need to write just seems too daunting. Lol.
My birthday was a blast. I met a cute guy, got a phone number, and made out with a stranger. Lol. Needless to say, I had quite a bit to drink, but hey! No regrets. The guy I met (Kyle) continued to text me up until the beginning of this month, but it's been a couple of weeks since I've heard from him so... I dunno. I'm moving in 2 weeks!! Maybe I'll text him when I get there.

After my bday, things went kind of downhill...
I came home from NOLA and got the stomach flu, wasn't able to work, or even get out of bed for a week. It was seriously, TERRIBLE. Everything was coming out my butt. Lol. TMI?
Then I had to go to Mexico to shoot a wedding. That was a blast, and luckily I was feeling much better by then. Jenna was there, and we had so much fun hanging out by the pool, and going to the beach, etc.
But then I got back from that trip, and threw my back out! I was carrying a 50lb backpack full of camera equipment for a week, so that's probably why. But I was out of work for yet another week! For a grand total of 4 weeks off work. During which time, I only made $250. From the wedding. (They paid the majority of my fee ahead of time). So I'm basically still trying to get caught up on all my bills, and I haven't really been able to do all the fun things I was hoping to get to do in my last month living in Chicago.

Although we had our staff trip in Green Bay last week, and I did go to the Renaissance Faire with Brent and Taylor, and my friend Becky who lives in Wisconsin, on Sunday - both of which were super fun! But then my car was towed Monday morning. Another $200 down the drain.

I literally feel like Chicago is rejecting me. It's telling me to getthefuckout. And I'm more than happy to oblige. I'm so over this city. I just don't want to be here anymore. And I'm soooooo soooo excited about moving to New Orleans, and starting my career, and living in the South again. OMG THE HOT GUYS...((drool)). Lol. I seriously can't wait to get out of here.

Sophie left for a year in Guatemala on the first of the month (she got a cool job), and since then, Chicago hasn't been the same. I mean it's the same, and yet, almost as if the ground beneath me has shifted, or everything is sort of slanted? It's hard to explain. It just doesn't feel right. Part of that is because I really miss Sophie, part of it is because I'm ready to move on, and part of it is because my life has been so up and down rocky the last few weeks. I just feel very unsettled. Even my apartment doesn't seem like a place of refuge anymore. My landlord has been showing it to people, looking for a new tenant, so I keep having to get up and leave in the middle of the day; plus there have been workers painting and doing repairs to the building like every morning for the last 3 weeks! And I work at night, so I would like to be able to sleep past 8am, but NOOOOOO!! I must be woken promptly at 8am with loud banging, Tejano music, and men hanging from scaffolding right outside my bedroom window. Ugh. Literally, that happened. And I was asleep. In my underwear. Imagine my surprise. ((Sigh))

Well, enough bitching. I'm sorry this post has been so cut and dry, but now that I'm caught up, hopefully I will feel better about blogging in the future. Move date is the 27th, though, so bear with me if I disappear for a bit around then.