I don't really have much to write, but I thought I should stop in for an update. I finally let John have it. Sort of. I mean, I'm just so tired of him jerking me around all the time, and him being completely oblivious to how much he fucks with my head! So I told him. He texted me last Friday night, and after some pointless small talk, I finally said...
Me: You know what's weird? Despite the fact that we are often in the same place at the same time, I sometimes wonder if I will actually ever see you again.
John: Valid point. I swing in different circles now so it's getting harder. Truth is, when I'm in Houston I spend a lot of time with my brother.
Me: Well it's a shame we're not going to Belize... I guess you'll never see my boobs in person ;)
John: I really wanted to go, but I haven't been as productive with work as I could've been. Procrastination is inevitable.
John: And damn. That does bring a tear to my eyes.
Me: aren't you on vacation?? I don't think procrastination is your problem.
John: That's the thing. I am on vacation whilst trying to accomplish a few tasts for work. I had to take time off in order to actually get stuff done.
Me: You're a workaholic. Among other things.
John: Haha, true, and it's not quite the balance I would like. They're two extremes. Nothing is close to middle.
John: It kinda hurts having the idea in my head that it could be possible that I might not see you.
John: I don't want that to happen.
Me: Well then stop being so flaky and quit jerking me around all the time. Your fickleness is giving me whiplash. I don't like it. It's frustrating.
Me: To be honest.
He didn't respond, just as I expected he wouldn't. And for like a whole day I worried that I'd been too hard on him. So the next night, I sent him another text.
"Sorry if I came off bitchy last night, but I don't think you realize how exasperating you can be. Our relationship obviously crosses over the line of friendship, and sort of has for years now, so it's hard not to attach some sort of expectations to that. And I don't think me wanting to actually see you once in a while is expecting much, but what do I know? I guess what I'm saying is, you drive me crazy sometimes with your unwitting indifference, and....sorrynotsorry."
So that's that. Still no response from him and it's been a week. So that's it. I'm not going to respond to him if he texts me again. I'm just tired of playing games and making excuses for him in my mind. No matter how weird, or different he is, I'm not gonna waste my time anymore.