Sorry about those ads guys, those were not posted by me. At least not intentionally... I joined polyvore recently and I think it automatically posts things I look at to blogger. So I will have to update those settings.
Unfortunately I don't have much to write about. School is starting back up in 2 weeks and I'm dreading it sooooo bad!!! I'm taking an extra class since it's my last semester and I'm just gonna be so busy and boring. No social life for me. ((Sigh)) But the end is nigh!! I can't wait.
I have been toying with the idea of either ending this blog, or changing it into something different, or just starting a new blog all together. As you all know, I don't really post anymore. I just don't feel like I have enough exciting things to blog about anymore. No boys, no drama, nothing that makes for a super exciting read. I guess that's part of growing up. I can't complain about the no drama part anyway.
But I think if I do end the blog, I may reveal myself. Post a picture maybe...? That could be a bad idea though. If the wrong people were to come across my blog and know it was me, I could seriously offend somebody. But I'm almost in a place where I just don't care! Lol.
I feel like things are about to get really shaken up in my life. Once I finish school I mean. I'm going to do some traveling. And I'm going to move back to Houston. And Taryn and Carrie and I are talking about getting a house together! I guess I should mention that Taryn and her fiancé broke up. He dumped her, the asshole. So her and Carrie got an apartment together.
But anyway....everything is good here. Sorry again for the weird ad posts, and....maybe check back with me in a month or so.
Showing posts with label apologies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label apologies. Show all posts
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Friday, January 18, 2013
Recyling?
Well I figure since I've got the writing itch, I might as well get you guys a bit caught up. So right before my trip to Houston I sort of...texted Brazil. Lol. I was bored at work, and this REM song came on (his favorite band - seriously, he's obsessed in a really disturbing way) and I just....texted him, "Hey." And we talked. Long story short, he finally admitted to all that stuff with his ex, and he apologized. And I said I forgive him, and agreed to be friends. And then a couple days later, he texted me again, asking why I had texted him out of the blue, after last time, when I baited him and then went off on him. And I said, "Because I heard an REM song and it made me think of you."
I'm just gonna paste the convo instead of paraphrasing...
B: R U serious?
B: I honestly thought u were texting just to curse me again
Me: Well I can if you want me to
B: Oh really why would u do that? Do u still hold a grudge?*
*side note: I really hate typing in shorthand, but that's the way he texts! Ugh...
Me: No, but you keep bringing it up
B: I feel like the motive why you texted me is bs. Many times random things just like walking past [your bar] every day made me think of u, still I didn't text u...U heard a song? get real..
Me: You didn't text me because you knew I didn't want to talk to you. But it's true. I just heard an REM song. You don't have to believe me. What secret "Motive" could I possibly have??
B: I have no idea, thats why im asking. its been all very weird, since that day, u wanted me to say id like to hang out just to go off at me.. And then deleted me from facebook right after that, and then later on u texted me n ur cool if we became friends, it's just all very unexpected
B: Do u understand why im intrigued?
Me: Is that what you are? I was mean to you before because I don't like it when people fuck with me. You came into [my bar] all brazen faced and bushy tailed, expecting me to act like nothing was wrong and it pissed me off, so I retaliated.
Me: But I'm actually a forgiving person and I believe in second chances. As long as people admit when they are wrong and apologize. So that is why I agreed to be friends.
B: So ur saying ur willing to give me a second chance? And I have no idea what u meant by brazen face and bushy tailed
Me: It means you came in here with your douche bag swagger. If you really must know...
B: Douche bag swagger? I was just there w my friend, n u didnt answer my question
Me: What question? Seems you don't like the answers I'm giving you.
B: Would you give me a second chance?
Me: I thought I made that clear when I said we could be friends? But that doesn't mean you can snap your fingers and we become besties or fuck buddies. Cuz I already have one of
those, and just bc I said let's be friends, doesn't mean I trust you. That has to be earned.
B: Fair enough, just wanted to know where im standing
B: Are u seeing someone at the moment?
Me: Why?
B: Cause I am curious, and i dont want to interfere with ur business if u have one.. So, are u?
Me: No
And that was the end. He never wrote back after that. But shortly after, he refriended me on facebook, and I accepted. So then I left for Houston, yada yada, and today, I went back to work, and I posted on facebook for everyone to come see me at work tonight, and guess who shows up?? Brazil.
It was strange kinda. He's still the same, but I don't feel like I am. My sister was there too, so that kinda eased up the pressure on the situation. And she sat and talked to him while I was busy. After he left, she told me he kept making vague comments about how she must have heard so many terrible things about him... lol. He's still infuriatingly stubborn, and set in his ways, to the point where he might as well be wearing blinders. And he still wears that same cologne. And the weird thing is, when I got home tonight, I was taking my coat off, and I got a whiff of it. His cologne. And I just wanted to breathe it all in.
I'm just gonna paste the convo instead of paraphrasing...
B: R U serious?
B: I honestly thought u were texting just to curse me again
Me: Well I can if you want me to
B: Oh really why would u do that? Do u still hold a grudge?*
*side note: I really hate typing in shorthand, but that's the way he texts! Ugh...
Me: No, but you keep bringing it up
B: I feel like the motive why you texted me is bs. Many times random things just like walking past [your bar] every day made me think of u, still I didn't text u...U heard a song? get real..
Me: You didn't text me because you knew I didn't want to talk to you. But it's true. I just heard an REM song. You don't have to believe me. What secret "Motive" could I possibly have??
B: I have no idea, thats why im asking. its been all very weird, since that day, u wanted me to say id like to hang out just to go off at me.. And then deleted me from facebook right after that, and then later on u texted me n ur cool if we became friends, it's just all very unexpected
B: Do u understand why im intrigued?
Me: Is that what you are? I was mean to you before because I don't like it when people fuck with me. You came into [my bar] all brazen faced and bushy tailed, expecting me to act like nothing was wrong and it pissed me off, so I retaliated.
Me: But I'm actually a forgiving person and I believe in second chances. As long as people admit when they are wrong and apologize. So that is why I agreed to be friends.
B: So ur saying ur willing to give me a second chance? And I have no idea what u meant by brazen face and bushy tailed
Me: It means you came in here with your douche bag swagger. If you really must know...
B: Douche bag swagger? I was just there w my friend, n u didnt answer my question
Me: What question? Seems you don't like the answers I'm giving you.
B: Would you give me a second chance?
Me: I thought I made that clear when I said we could be friends? But that doesn't mean you can snap your fingers and we become besties or fuck buddies. Cuz I already have one of
those, and just bc I said let's be friends, doesn't mean I trust you. That has to be earned.
B: Fair enough, just wanted to know where im standing
B: Are u seeing someone at the moment?
Me: Why?
B: Cause I am curious, and i dont want to interfere with ur business if u have one.. So, are u?
Me: No
And that was the end. He never wrote back after that. But shortly after, he refriended me on facebook, and I accepted. So then I left for Houston, yada yada, and today, I went back to work, and I posted on facebook for everyone to come see me at work tonight, and guess who shows up?? Brazil.
It was strange kinda. He's still the same, but I don't feel like I am. My sister was there too, so that kinda eased up the pressure on the situation. And she sat and talked to him while I was busy. After he left, she told me he kept making vague comments about how she must have heard so many terrible things about him... lol. He's still infuriatingly stubborn, and set in his ways, to the point where he might as well be wearing blinders. And he still wears that same cologne. And the weird thing is, when I got home tonight, I was taking my coat off, and I got a whiff of it. His cologne. And I just wanted to breathe it all in.
Monday, February 27, 2012
I Guess This Is How It Ends
Brazil:
Listen,
I dont know who told you that, and Im not gonna kill myself trying to find out. that person is either misinformed or is trying something with you. Anyway, did I talk to stephanie recently? yes. Do I still have feelings for her? yes.
I have nothing but respect towards you, and I would never do something to hurt you purposely Peyton. Im not that much of an ass hole. If I wanted to, id have never mentioned the name of stepahnie, but i was always trying to keep you updated of what's going on, being honest.
It kills me you're hurting now because of me, it really does.You are a great girl, with a big heart You might not believe a single word im saying here, but i was really trying to make things work with you, and I really enjoyed alll the times we were together. I never meant to cause you pain, and i hate that everything is ending like this. I am a mess now, obviously not ready to start dating anyone, and I am sorry i frustrated you and made you waste your time. I was trying to make something work with someone new, and did not allow myself sometime to digest what happened in my last relationship.
I just want you to know I am very sad and bummed too, It was never my intention to hurt you...
I hope someday you'll forgive me, and maybe could be my friend. I understand if you dont.
Me:
((Sigh)) Ok, let me start by saying that I'm not mad anymore. And I don't want to scare you off or put you on the defensive, I just want to talk to you. I don't want to argue with you, or go back and forth about this, but just to clarify I am not mad at you for mentioning Stephanie to me. I am upset, because you were not completely honest with me about what was really going on between you and her. I thought I made it pretty clear how nervous it made me to be seeing you, full well knowing you were still hung up on her. That put me in a really horrible position because my feelings for you were getting stronger, and yet there was this constant nagging possibility of you just jumping ship to get back with Stephanie. But you told me that there was no chance you would get back together with her, because you knew she would treat you the same way again. And I took your word for it, because I had no reason not to. When Valentine's Day came and went and I didn't hear anything from you, I wasn't upset that you didn't text me or call me to wish me happy Vday, but I definitely did think about you, and I definitely did wonder if you would be thinking about her, or talking to her or seeing her. I guess it's my fault for being so naive.
I haven't been misinformed about anything, and to be honest, I'm not mad at you. I'm just really hurt, and really disappointed. I know you keep saying that you weren't using me, but the truth is that you were. Whether or not you realized or intended it, you were using me as an emotional resting place, a warm body to fill your time, and your bed, while you tried to work everything out in your head.
I'm a pretty perceptive person, and I've had a lot of experience with guys who lie, guys who cheat, guys who play games and have manipulated me. I'm not saying that you are any of those things, but it's taught me quite a bit over the years, maybe even made me a little paranoid, definitely made me very jaded. I know I seem "tough" as you like to say, but as you can see, I have a pretty good reason for coming across that way. I definitely don't feel tough now. I just feel like shit.
I *want* to forgive you, in fact, I wish I could just forget all of this ever happened. I care about you more than I even realized at the time. But now it just seems like you're more concerned with finding out who said what and when, than actually confronting the issue and dealing with it.
I'm sorry if I was mean, and yelled or whatever the other night. I know I have a tendency to scare people off by intimidating them and shutting down. But that was not how I wanted that conversation to go. I was hoping you would have taken that opportunity to just explain everything to me, instead of getting all defensive and denying everything.
I'm not dumb, [Brazil]. I'm actually pretty smart. And it doesn't take a rocket scientist to put 2 and 2 together. All this time you've been doing a lot of talking, and I've been doing a lot of listening, but I don't think you really learned all that much about me. So if you want to sit down and talk like rational adults, I'm all for that, but only if you agree to be 100% completely honest with me about everything. And of course, I will do the same. I won't judge you, or get mad about anything you tell me. We haven't been exclusive, and it was your prerogative to see other people. But I can't deal with lies, [Brazil]. That's where I have to draw the line, because how will I be able to trust you?? I haven't kept anything from you. And I feel like I've been really patient, and tried to understand your point of view, and the situation that you were in with Stephanie and just be supportive about everything. Have I not?
If you don't wanna talk, and you think this is just for the best, then that's fine. But if that's the case, then I think we should just cut off all communication. It will be easier that way.
Brazil:
Let me be very clear. I spent valentine's day alone. Mostly cause i had class that tuesday night. Second, because I did not feel comfortable enough spending valentine's with you cause i think that its a commitment by itself. For the record, yes, i was bummed that i was not with stephanie during that day. Just so you know, even if i wanted to, she was in Ohio doing training for her work. I know this cause she reached me every day while she was there.
The talks i have with her are mostly around this topic: She wants me but not as a boyfriend, and I always reply saying im not gonna be used again. It goes back and forth. there's a lot of shouting, finger pointing and very hurtful arguments. There was no sex, i wont be used like that again. You can believe this or not, but that is the truth.
IM not keeping anything from you Peyton. If i thought u were stupid i would have not seen you for all this time. i Also cant see this working anymore, not as long as i completely get over this devil that haunts me. I need time for myself.
I could never fall in love with anyone else, if i dont get over this first. Thats what i was trying to do. I was always attracted to you, and you made me laugh, you're beautiful, and you are funny too. It is reaching the point that im so anxious that im almost cracking up walking down the street. It is ridiculous how this affects me, idk if told u this before but Im even going to therapy because of it (please keep this between us).
I would be more than surprised if something between me and stephanie ever worked. I dont trust her, she has some very serious issues, and even though I tried helping, she has a problem and cant open up about shit. She will never be what i want her to be. Again, this is not your problem and I should not be bothering you with it.
Im not gonna go witch hunting here, to find out who told you this. All i want is for you to forgive me for wasting your time. It was an honest mistake, I was seriously trying, but I am all fucked inside. You deserve so much better than me, this is really bad timing and unfortunate.
Again, I am more than willing to talk to you at anytime as well, Id like for us to have the best relationship as we can possibly have. I just dont wanna hurt myself or anyone else anymore. It's been a really bad winter, and I cant wait till this bad period ends.
Me: you're being a bit vague.
that is, it seems like you contradicted yourself a couple times, and i don't know what you actually mean
Brazil: what do u want to know?
Me: i want to know what you mean.
first you wrote "i Also cant see this working anymore" and then, "All i want is for you to forgive me for wasting your time" but then you said "Id like for us to have the best relationship as we can possibly have" which basically negates the first 2 things, so i'm just really confused
the only thing i know for certain is that you need to be alone for while
*a while
Brazil: what i was trying to say, is that yes I need to be alone for a while.
Brazil: i dont think it is
Me: I don't know what you want me to say...
forgiveness is one thing, but an apology doesn't change the past. it doesn't undo the damage that's already been done
Brazil: this might be wrong time to say this. but I really really like you, and i respect you a lot. Do i like you more than as friends? Of course. I just dont think im ready to be dating anyone for now
and the last thing i want is to hurt you again, like i just did
Me: you are where i was a little over a year ago
Listen,
I dont know who told you that, and Im not gonna kill myself trying to find out. that person is either misinformed or is trying something with you. Anyway, did I talk to stephanie recently? yes. Do I still have feelings for her? yes.
I have nothing but respect towards you, and I would never do something to hurt you purposely Peyton. Im not that much of an ass hole. If I wanted to, id have never mentioned the name of stepahnie, but i was always trying to keep you updated of what's going on, being honest.
It kills me you're hurting now because of me, it really does.You are a great girl, with a big heart You might not believe a single word im saying here, but i was really trying to make things work with you, and I really enjoyed alll the times we were together. I never meant to cause you pain, and i hate that everything is ending like this. I am a mess now, obviously not ready to start dating anyone, and I am sorry i frustrated you and made you waste your time. I was trying to make something work with someone new, and did not allow myself sometime to digest what happened in my last relationship.
I just want you to know I am very sad and bummed too, It was never my intention to hurt you...
I hope someday you'll forgive me, and maybe could be my friend. I understand if you dont.
Me:
((Sigh)) Ok, let me start by saying that I'm not mad anymore. And I don't want to scare you off or put you on the defensive, I just want to talk to you. I don't want to argue with you, or go back and forth about this, but just to clarify I am not mad at you for mentioning Stephanie to me. I am upset, because you were not completely honest with me about what was really going on between you and her. I thought I made it pretty clear how nervous it made me to be seeing you, full well knowing you were still hung up on her. That put me in a really horrible position because my feelings for you were getting stronger, and yet there was this constant nagging possibility of you just jumping ship to get back with Stephanie. But you told me that there was no chance you would get back together with her, because you knew she would treat you the same way again. And I took your word for it, because I had no reason not to. When Valentine's Day came and went and I didn't hear anything from you, I wasn't upset that you didn't text me or call me to wish me happy Vday, but I definitely did think about you, and I definitely did wonder if you would be thinking about her, or talking to her or seeing her. I guess it's my fault for being so naive.
I haven't been misinformed about anything, and to be honest, I'm not mad at you. I'm just really hurt, and really disappointed. I know you keep saying that you weren't using me, but the truth is that you were. Whether or not you realized or intended it, you were using me as an emotional resting place, a warm body to fill your time, and your bed, while you tried to work everything out in your head.
I'm a pretty perceptive person, and I've had a lot of experience with guys who lie, guys who cheat, guys who play games and have manipulated me. I'm not saying that you are any of those things, but it's taught me quite a bit over the years, maybe even made me a little paranoid, definitely made me very jaded. I know I seem "tough" as you like to say, but as you can see, I have a pretty good reason for coming across that way. I definitely don't feel tough now. I just feel like shit.
I *want* to forgive you, in fact, I wish I could just forget all of this ever happened. I care about you more than I even realized at the time. But now it just seems like you're more concerned with finding out who said what and when, than actually confronting the issue and dealing with it.
I'm sorry if I was mean, and yelled or whatever the other night. I know I have a tendency to scare people off by intimidating them and shutting down. But that was not how I wanted that conversation to go. I was hoping you would have taken that opportunity to just explain everything to me, instead of getting all defensive and denying everything.
I'm not dumb, [Brazil]. I'm actually pretty smart. And it doesn't take a rocket scientist to put 2 and 2 together. All this time you've been doing a lot of talking, and I've been doing a lot of listening, but I don't think you really learned all that much about me. So if you want to sit down and talk like rational adults, I'm all for that, but only if you agree to be 100% completely honest with me about everything. And of course, I will do the same. I won't judge you, or get mad about anything you tell me. We haven't been exclusive, and it was your prerogative to see other people. But I can't deal with lies, [Brazil]. That's where I have to draw the line, because how will I be able to trust you?? I haven't kept anything from you. And I feel like I've been really patient, and tried to understand your point of view, and the situation that you were in with Stephanie and just be supportive about everything. Have I not?
If you don't wanna talk, and you think this is just for the best, then that's fine. But if that's the case, then I think we should just cut off all communication. It will be easier that way.
Brazil:
Let me be very clear. I spent valentine's day alone. Mostly cause i had class that tuesday night. Second, because I did not feel comfortable enough spending valentine's with you cause i think that its a commitment by itself. For the record, yes, i was bummed that i was not with stephanie during that day. Just so you know, even if i wanted to, she was in Ohio doing training for her work. I know this cause she reached me every day while she was there.
The talks i have with her are mostly around this topic: She wants me but not as a boyfriend, and I always reply saying im not gonna be used again. It goes back and forth. there's a lot of shouting, finger pointing and very hurtful arguments. There was no sex, i wont be used like that again. You can believe this or not, but that is the truth.
IM not keeping anything from you Peyton. If i thought u were stupid i would have not seen you for all this time. i Also cant see this working anymore, not as long as i completely get over this devil that haunts me. I need time for myself.
I could never fall in love with anyone else, if i dont get over this first. Thats what i was trying to do. I was always attracted to you, and you made me laugh, you're beautiful, and you are funny too. It is reaching the point that im so anxious that im almost cracking up walking down the street. It is ridiculous how this affects me, idk if told u this before but Im even going to therapy because of it (please keep this between us).
I would be more than surprised if something between me and stephanie ever worked. I dont trust her, she has some very serious issues, and even though I tried helping, she has a problem and cant open up about shit. She will never be what i want her to be. Again, this is not your problem and I should not be bothering you with it.
Im not gonna go witch hunting here, to find out who told you this. All i want is for you to forgive me for wasting your time. It was an honest mistake, I was seriously trying, but I am all fucked inside. You deserve so much better than me, this is really bad timing and unfortunate.
Again, I am more than willing to talk to you at anytime as well, Id like for us to have the best relationship as we can possibly have. I just dont wanna hurt myself or anyone else anymore. It's been a really bad winter, and I cant wait till this bad period ends.
Me: you're being a bit vague.
that is, it seems like you contradicted yourself a couple times, and i don't know what you actually mean
Brazil: what do u want to know?
Me: i want to know what you mean.
first you wrote "i Also cant see this working anymore" and then, "All i want is for you to forgive me for wasting your time" but then you said "Id like for us to have the best relationship as we can possibly have" which basically negates the first 2 things, so i'm just really confused
the only thing i know for certain is that you need to be alone for while
*a while
Brazil: what i was trying to say, is that yes I need to be alone for a while.
and
I
dont want you to hate me forever, and think im a player, liar and
cheater. You're the kind of person i want to keep close, even as just a
friend (even if thats impossible for now)
I dont think im ready to give what you expect from me, aim towards a relationship
im not a scumbag
Me: i know you aren't
Me: i know you aren't
ready i mean
but i
am not going to just suddenly be your friend either
this isn't a business transaction
i mean...
Brazil: i dont think it is
Me: I don't know what you want me to say...
forgiveness is one thing, but an apology doesn't change the past. it doesn't undo the damage that's already been done
Brazil: this might be wrong time to say this. but I really really like you, and i respect you a lot. Do i like you more than as friends? Of course. I just dont think im ready to be dating anyone for now
and the last thing i want is to hurt you again, like i just did
Me: you are where i was a little over a year ago
which is why i am so familiar with this situation
why do you think i ended up halfway across the country??
Brazil: what happened?
Me: it doesn't matter
Brazil: please tell me
Me: i don't really feel like it
Brazil: ok
Me: what difference would it make anyway?
why do you think i ended up halfway across the country??
Brazil: what happened?
Me: it doesn't matter
Brazil: please tell me
Me: i don't really feel like it
Brazil: ok
Me: what difference would it make anyway?
you aren't ready to be with someone. you know it. and i know it.
but i am, or at least i was...
Brazil: true
Me: So that puts us on 2 different trajectories
Brazil: i agree
Brazil: what?
Me: nevermind
Brazil: whats wrong with that?
Me: i guess you're not as incapable of moving on as you think you are
Brazil: im not saying ur in love with me, if that's what ur saying
Me: NO lol
Brazil: true
Me: So that puts us on 2 different trajectories
Brazil: i agree
i just need to be able to fall in love again, but for that i need time
Me: so i think we should should just....go our own ways
love?! lol
don't count on it
Me: so i think we should should just....go our own ways
love?! lol
don't count on it
Brazil: what?
Me: nevermind
Brazil: whats wrong with that?
Me: i guess you're not as incapable of moving on as you think you are
Brazil: im not saying ur in love with me, if that's what ur saying
Me: NO lol
thats not what i was saying
i'm
saying that you still believe in falling in love, and assuming that, in
having someone fall in love with you in return, you know, simultaneously
in my opinion, that doesn't happen in real life
Brazil: yeah, i believe in that
Brazil: yeah, i believe in that
it happened to me
twice
Me: love is a word often used loosely
Brazil: to me love, is when you wnat to be wtih a person all the time, and would do anything for them
Me: love is a word often used loosely
Brazil: to me love, is when you wnat to be wtih a person all the time, and would do anything for them
thats how i see it
Me: well, i don't really wanna talk about love
Me: well, i don't really wanna talk about love
in fact, i think maybe we should just end this conversation before it gets...
i dunno
Brazil: weird? lol
Brazil: weird? lol
i understand
well,
if you ever feel like calling me, txting me , or talking to me, please
do. Im never gonna shut you down, I just need some time for myself. Im
sorry about everything, about this mess.
Me: i'm a little...emotionally unstable right now. i don't want to be held accountable for what i say.
Brazil: So am I. You're an incredible person Peyton.
Me: i hope you don't think i'm ok with this. nobody is skipping off into the sunset.
Me: i'm a little...emotionally unstable right now. i don't want to be held accountable for what i say.
Brazil: So am I. You're an incredible person Peyton.
Me: i hope you don't think i'm ok with this. nobody is skipping off into the sunset.
stop complimenting me
it doesn't matter what kind of person i am
in the end
does it?
Brazil: skipping to the sunset?
Brazil: skipping to the sunset?
i didnt get that
Me: it's just an expression.
Brazil: well, alright. i hope u have a good night..
Me: right
i sure will
Brazil: what should i say? im not mr.happy here too ok? this sucks for both of us. i feel like a fucking asshole. i should just stop talkign now.... bye, sorry
God...I'd forgotten how much this hurts. How could I ever forget something like this?
Me: it's just an expression.
Brazil: well, alright. i hope u have a good night..
Me: right
i sure will
Brazil: what should i say? im not mr.happy here too ok? this sucks for both of us. i feel like a fucking asshole. i should just stop talkign now.... bye, sorry
God...I'd forgotten how much this hurts. How could I ever forget something like this?
Thursday, July 15, 2010
What's Going On With My Guys??
A lot of stuff has happened in the past 2 days, surprisingly, so I'm just going to start from the beginning.
Tuesday after work, I went up to my bar because they were testing out some new menu items and the managers asked us to come try it out. So Ali and I met up, and decided to hang out at my bar till the industry party, which didn't start till 11. I almost changed my mind about going, but I was already out, so I figured what the hell.
So Ali and I were sitting in a booth, chatting and killing time, and we were both messing around on Facebook, when I noticed some pictures of Todd and Laura. Together! So I immediately texted Laura, to find out if they were back together, and she said that yes, they had started talking again, and things were going great. And you have no idea how relieved and happy I was to hear this, because...after everything that's happened, I do think that Laura is the best thing for Todd right now. I don't know about for forever, but for now I think she's good for him. And they make each other happy, so I'm happy. So I sent Todd a text message...
"Hey Todd! I know I haven't talked to you in a while, but Laura told me you 2 are talking again and I just wanted to tell you that I think that's so great and I'm really, truly happy for you guys!"
Then he responded with,
"I'm not gonna lie Peyton, I'm a little hurt by what I've heard. She told me that you called her telling her that I was dating a girl with STDs and that I had changed a lot with the whole NFL mentality. What hurts the most is that you told her a month after we had supposedly resolved things. Then I flew in and out just for your birthday cause I wanted to show you how much our friendship meant to me. That's why I haven't talked to you, just didn't know what to say..."
I was so shocked and hurt when I read that. I mean...I thought we were past this? And honestly, I can't even remember exactly what I said to Laura that day she called me. But I know I didn't tell her he was dating someone with STDs! Maybe I might have said something jokingly, or flippant, and she took it the wrong way, but I wouldn't have said that to her, even if it was true, because that would only hurt her feelings. So I wrote back,
"What?? I never said you were dating a girl with stds, I don't know who has stds or not. Honestly I do think you've changed though, not necessarily for the worst, just different. You're more distant. I don't have any feelings for you in that way anymore, and I've figured out a lot of things. I was afraid of losing you as a friend and as an important person in my life and so I thought I must have romantic feelings for you. But in retrospect, I realize that we don't have that kind of chemistry. I love you as a friend and just want you to be happy. I would never do anything to hurt you. Or Laura. And I hope for that reason, you don't feel the need to tell her EVERYTHING that happened last Feb. Laura and I did talk twice. Once on FB and once she called me and we just talked...as girls. No shit talking about you. I'm sorry that you think that. But ever since the Jayme situation I've felt very discredited as far as you're concerned. It's like you don't believe anything I say anymore."
Todd: Well that's what she said, she would have no reason to lie. Same stuff I heard from you directly while everything was going on...
Me: I'm not going to play he said she said. Believe what you want, Todd. All of that shit is in the past. I don't even think about it anymore. If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine. Your prerogative. Just wanted to tell you I'm happy for you
Todd: Ok well thank you, with the family, let's talk soon.
Me: Ok
((Sigh))
I tried to put our conversation out of my mind after that, in order to have a good time, but I definitely thought about it most of yesterday. And today, I talked to Bethany about it, and she said I should definitely call him, or run the risk of him thinking I don't really care. So I sent him another text about 20 minutes ago, that said,
"Hey Todd. I know you're upset, and you think all these shiteous things about me, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. About everything. I'm not going to try to justify my actions or even explain myself, because I feel like that would be pointless. I meant what I said about being happy for you and Laura. I really do just want the best for you. I hate arguing, or whatever it is we're doing, with you. It's just not in our dynamic. And I just...don't want to do it anymore."
Now I'm just waiting for him to respond. So! Back to Tuesday night.
I did go to the industry party, and it sucked. Ali and I went together, but it ended up just being she and I, then Greg, and his girlfriend, and Brandon. So it was really awkward. And the party itself was lame, there was no free anything, like there usually is at those kind of things, so I ended up going home around 12:30, feeling rather blue. It's still too weird for me to be around Brandon in a small group. Work is one thing but...I dunno. I just couldn't stomach it.
So yesterday, Wednesday, I texted with Kevin all day, again, waiting and wondering if and when he was ever going to ask me out, and starting to lose my patience! And I also sent a text message to Evan, who I haven't heard from in like a million years! I've been pestering him for the past week, but he hasn't been in touch. Loser! On my way home from work, he finally called me! He said he's been busy with work, and he doesn't really go out anymore, he's practically married, etc... It was kind of sad talking to him, just because we've drifted apart so much, and he's moved on to the next stage in life, and I haven't. ((Sigh))
But at least we finally talked. He said he was afraid I was going to yell at him for being MIA for so long, and I said, "Well that wasn't so bad, was it?" And he laughed, and promised to keep in touch.
When I got home, I finally just sucked it up and asked Kevin if he wanted to hang out this weekend. And he took so long to respond, that I was already mentally writing him off, when he finally wrote back.
"Yes, does tomorrow count as the weekend? lol. My buddy is having his bach party in Vegas Friday-Sunday. I'd like to hang out though."
So I wrote back, "I suppose tomorrow can count ;)"
We chatted back and forth a bit more, but he didn't say anything else about us hanging out. So now we have these tentative plans for this afternoon, but I'm almost halfway expecting him to blow me off or something. ((sigh)) Ugh...
Ok so this morning, when my alarm went off, I reached over to my phone, to silence it, and noticed that I had 3 text messages.
From Law School.
That immediately woke me up.
LS: Hey...I know you don't want to talk to me. But, I actually have friends visiting from home this weekend, the first guy got in town tonight and I brought him to [my bar].
LS: I thought of you...just wanted to tell you that I miss talking to you. I just got my own place, maybe you can come by sometime, or I'll see you otherwise. Ciao!
LS: And...I'm really sorry for hurting your feelings. I've held that in for a while, but I mean it.
So I laid in bed, thinking about what he said, and mulling things over, and I decided I should talk to him. Finally. Maybe he really is sorry. And he's definitely put in the effort to talk to me, so I should give him a second chance. ((Sigh))
So when I got to work this morning, I wrote him back...
Me: I think you misunderstand my reasons for not talking to you, [Law School]. My feelings being hurt is just...collateral damage. If you want to talk, then you better be prepared to listen.
LS: Fair enough, I will always listen no matter how bad it is, as long as it is talking, not yelling.
Me: I wasn't planning to yell, or talk shit. Just enlighten you.
LS: I understood. :) Just putting the caveat out there. How have you been otherwise?
Me: Swell.
LS: Swell as in good or swell as in the water is rising?? Haha
Me: You realize I can't just sit here and make cutsie banter with you until we hash this out, right?? Because I'm willing to talk, but I haven't decided about anything else yet. And you might not even WANT to talk to me again.
LS: Haha. I'm very aware. What I've always like about you, Peyton, is that you don't let me press buttons. I respect that, because I'll try just to see if I can.
LS: And, to be completely honest, I'm not worried about not wanting to talk to you. I think I'm pretty objective about things and have no problem saying, "my fault".
Me: Ok then.
LS: Ok, next week. Or maybe Sunday. You can pick the battle zone :)
I haven't responded to his last text yet, because I haven't decided when or where I want to meet up with him, but...I think at least this is headed in the right direction. It will feel good to finally explain to him that it wasn't him dating Melissa that hurt me the most. It was them lying to me and hiding it from me, and talking shit about me behind my back! So I'll definitely keep you guys posted on that.
But mostly, I'm worried about my relationship with Todd. I just want things to go back the way they were, before I ever told him I had feelings for him. It was stupid. I was stupid. I ruined everything. Now what??
Tuesday after work, I went up to my bar because they were testing out some new menu items and the managers asked us to come try it out. So Ali and I met up, and decided to hang out at my bar till the industry party, which didn't start till 11. I almost changed my mind about going, but I was already out, so I figured what the hell.
So Ali and I were sitting in a booth, chatting and killing time, and we were both messing around on Facebook, when I noticed some pictures of Todd and Laura. Together! So I immediately texted Laura, to find out if they were back together, and she said that yes, they had started talking again, and things were going great. And you have no idea how relieved and happy I was to hear this, because...after everything that's happened, I do think that Laura is the best thing for Todd right now. I don't know about for forever, but for now I think she's good for him. And they make each other happy, so I'm happy. So I sent Todd a text message...
"Hey Todd! I know I haven't talked to you in a while, but Laura told me you 2 are talking again and I just wanted to tell you that I think that's so great and I'm really, truly happy for you guys!"
Then he responded with,
"I'm not gonna lie Peyton, I'm a little hurt by what I've heard. She told me that you called her telling her that I was dating a girl with STDs and that I had changed a lot with the whole NFL mentality. What hurts the most is that you told her a month after we had supposedly resolved things. Then I flew in and out just for your birthday cause I wanted to show you how much our friendship meant to me. That's why I haven't talked to you, just didn't know what to say..."
I was so shocked and hurt when I read that. I mean...I thought we were past this? And honestly, I can't even remember exactly what I said to Laura that day she called me. But I know I didn't tell her he was dating someone with STDs! Maybe I might have said something jokingly, or flippant, and she took it the wrong way, but I wouldn't have said that to her, even if it was true, because that would only hurt her feelings. So I wrote back,
"What?? I never said you were dating a girl with stds, I don't know who has stds or not. Honestly I do think you've changed though, not necessarily for the worst, just different. You're more distant. I don't have any feelings for you in that way anymore, and I've figured out a lot of things. I was afraid of losing you as a friend and as an important person in my life and so I thought I must have romantic feelings for you. But in retrospect, I realize that we don't have that kind of chemistry. I love you as a friend and just want you to be happy. I would never do anything to hurt you. Or Laura. And I hope for that reason, you don't feel the need to tell her EVERYTHING that happened last Feb. Laura and I did talk twice. Once on FB and once she called me and we just talked...as girls. No shit talking about you. I'm sorry that you think that. But ever since the Jayme situation I've felt very discredited as far as you're concerned. It's like you don't believe anything I say anymore."
Todd: Well that's what she said, she would have no reason to lie. Same stuff I heard from you directly while everything was going on...
Me: I'm not going to play he said she said. Believe what you want, Todd. All of that shit is in the past. I don't even think about it anymore. If you don't want to talk to me, that's fine. Your prerogative. Just wanted to tell you I'm happy for you
Todd: Ok well thank you, with the family, let's talk soon.
Me: Ok
((Sigh))
I tried to put our conversation out of my mind after that, in order to have a good time, but I definitely thought about it most of yesterday. And today, I talked to Bethany about it, and she said I should definitely call him, or run the risk of him thinking I don't really care. So I sent him another text about 20 minutes ago, that said,
"Hey Todd. I know you're upset, and you think all these shiteous things about me, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. About everything. I'm not going to try to justify my actions or even explain myself, because I feel like that would be pointless. I meant what I said about being happy for you and Laura. I really do just want the best for you. I hate arguing, or whatever it is we're doing, with you. It's just not in our dynamic. And I just...don't want to do it anymore."
Now I'm just waiting for him to respond. So! Back to Tuesday night.
I did go to the industry party, and it sucked. Ali and I went together, but it ended up just being she and I, then Greg, and his girlfriend, and Brandon. So it was really awkward. And the party itself was lame, there was no free anything, like there usually is at those kind of things, so I ended up going home around 12:30, feeling rather blue. It's still too weird for me to be around Brandon in a small group. Work is one thing but...I dunno. I just couldn't stomach it.
So yesterday, Wednesday, I texted with Kevin all day, again, waiting and wondering if and when he was ever going to ask me out, and starting to lose my patience! And I also sent a text message to Evan, who I haven't heard from in like a million years! I've been pestering him for the past week, but he hasn't been in touch. Loser! On my way home from work, he finally called me! He said he's been busy with work, and he doesn't really go out anymore, he's practically married, etc... It was kind of sad talking to him, just because we've drifted apart so much, and he's moved on to the next stage in life, and I haven't. ((Sigh))
But at least we finally talked. He said he was afraid I was going to yell at him for being MIA for so long, and I said, "Well that wasn't so bad, was it?" And he laughed, and promised to keep in touch.
When I got home, I finally just sucked it up and asked Kevin if he wanted to hang out this weekend. And he took so long to respond, that I was already mentally writing him off, when he finally wrote back.
"Yes, does tomorrow count as the weekend? lol. My buddy is having his bach party in Vegas Friday-Sunday. I'd like to hang out though."
So I wrote back, "I suppose tomorrow can count ;)"
We chatted back and forth a bit more, but he didn't say anything else about us hanging out. So now we have these tentative plans for this afternoon, but I'm almost halfway expecting him to blow me off or something. ((sigh)) Ugh...
Ok so this morning, when my alarm went off, I reached over to my phone, to silence it, and noticed that I had 3 text messages.
From Law School.
That immediately woke me up.
LS: Hey...I know you don't want to talk to me. But, I actually have friends visiting from home this weekend, the first guy got in town tonight and I brought him to [my bar].
LS: I thought of you...just wanted to tell you that I miss talking to you. I just got my own place, maybe you can come by sometime, or I'll see you otherwise. Ciao!
LS: And...I'm really sorry for hurting your feelings. I've held that in for a while, but I mean it.
So I laid in bed, thinking about what he said, and mulling things over, and I decided I should talk to him. Finally. Maybe he really is sorry. And he's definitely put in the effort to talk to me, so I should give him a second chance. ((Sigh))
So when I got to work this morning, I wrote him back...
Me: I think you misunderstand my reasons for not talking to you, [Law School]. My feelings being hurt is just...collateral damage. If you want to talk, then you better be prepared to listen.
LS: Fair enough, I will always listen no matter how bad it is, as long as it is talking, not yelling.
Me: I wasn't planning to yell, or talk shit. Just enlighten you.
LS: I understood. :) Just putting the caveat out there. How have you been otherwise?
Me: Swell.
LS: Swell as in good or swell as in the water is rising?? Haha
Me: You realize I can't just sit here and make cutsie banter with you until we hash this out, right?? Because I'm willing to talk, but I haven't decided about anything else yet. And you might not even WANT to talk to me again.
LS: Haha. I'm very aware. What I've always like about you, Peyton, is that you don't let me press buttons. I respect that, because I'll try just to see if I can.
LS: And, to be completely honest, I'm not worried about not wanting to talk to you. I think I'm pretty objective about things and have no problem saying, "my fault".
Me: Ok then.
LS: Ok, next week. Or maybe Sunday. You can pick the battle zone :)
I haven't responded to his last text yet, because I haven't decided when or where I want to meet up with him, but...I think at least this is headed in the right direction. It will feel good to finally explain to him that it wasn't him dating Melissa that hurt me the most. It was them lying to me and hiding it from me, and talking shit about me behind my back! So I'll definitely keep you guys posted on that.
But mostly, I'm worried about my relationship with Todd. I just want things to go back the way they were, before I ever told him I had feelings for him. It was stupid. I was stupid. I ruined everything. Now what??
Monday, October 5, 2009
I Snooped And I Don't Feel Bad About It!
((Sigh)) So Brandon is passed out on my couch right now, and I am in my room, in bed, typing this post.
Let's start from the beginning...
Our group was supposed to go out on the boat today, but it was raining this morning, so instead we all went up to my old bar to watch football. I did a thorough drive through of the parking lot before going inside, and Brandon's car wasn't there, so I felt reassured. But then, as soon as I walked inside, there he was, in the DJ booth, doing sound for the game. So I tried my best to avoid him. But then Summer showed up, and brought him over to the table. It was a little weird, but I tried to act nonchalant. We ended up leaving shortly after that to go to Buffalo Wild Wings, and Brandon couldn't go, obviously, because he was working. But while we're there, he's texting me. Asking what I'm doing, etc. Hours and hours have gone by, keep this in mind.
Me, Tara, Hot Dereck, Summer, Ben, and Mark (Bethany was working at her other job) met up to watch the game around 3ish, and got to BW3's around 9ish. So after that, we went over to Summer's place to kill some time before heading back out. Tonight was Hot Dereck's brothers birthday, so we had plans to meet up with him later. So while we're at Summers, Brandon is still texting me to find out what's going on. Apparently by this time, he was off work, but just hanging out there and drinking. So Summer tells him to meet us at our next destination. Well we get there, and Brandon shows up and he's hammered! I mean, DANGER ZONE hammered. And I'm like, "Oh shit..."
So I immediately tell Summer and Tara how fucked up he is, and this can't be good, and I probably shouldn't be around him because he gets out of control. But Tara was like, "No, stay, stay, maybe we can get him to leave."
So I stayed.
Then Brandon starts to say something to me, and he's shouting in my ear! And I'm like, "Whoa! Calm down!"
"It's loud in here!" He shouts.
"I know, but you don't have to shout when you're that close to me!" I shout back.
So then he leans over and whispers something to me, just to be a smartass. Then he he says, "Oh did you need me to repeat that?!"
And he whispers it again.
This happens about 4 times.
On the 5th, I push him away from me.
"Ok..." I start to say, pulling away cuz I'm getting fed up with his drunk ass, but he grabs my arm and pulls me back.
I shook him off me and walked away.
"I'm leaving." I said to Summer and Tara and I brusquely walked out of the bar.
Then I hear Tara yelling after me. I turn around and see Brandon and Summer both behind me. I keep walking, faster.
"WAIT! I'll walk with you, just wait!" Tara calls. So I pause to wait.
"Are you ok? What happened?" She asked.
"I'm fine, I just wanted to get out of there before that situation turned nasty. I knew this would happen."
"I'm sorry your night was ruined." She said, with a sad face.
"My night wasn't ruined, I had fun with you guys all day! I just know where that would have led, and I don't feel like dealing with it."
We talked as we walked to my car, and then I drove her back to the bar.
"Call me if you need anything." She said as she got out.
I really do love Tara. I mean I've only known her for a couple weeks, but she's a totally awesome girl, and a great friend. And Dereck is so sweet to her! I'm really happy for them.
ANYWAYS, so I drive off, and then Brandon texts me.
"Come back please!!"
"No. You're wasted, and being a dick, and I don't feel like dealing with it."
"I'm not trying to be a dick! You just ran off."
"I did not just run off. You're too drunk, and I don't feel like dealing with your shit right now."
This went on until I got to my apartment.
"Look, we need to have an actual conversation, and not tonight. When you're sober. CALL ME tomorrow. If I don't hear from you then...I guess that's it." I finally said.
Just when I thought he had given up, he texted me again.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to be an asshole. Where are you?"
"At home."
"I want to see you."
"You don't know where I live and you're too drunk to even be driving."
"Whatever, let me know and I'll be there!! Try me, and I'm not that drunk."
"Yes you are. You should have let Summer and Ben take you home."
"Whatever, if you give me the address, I'll be there."
"Why do you want to come over here?"
"I want to if you want me to...?"
"I'm not playing games with you Brandon. Why do you want to come over here?"
"What is your address!"
"[My address]"
I caved. This had better be good.
When he finally showed up, he was still drunk, of course.
"So...what did you wanna come over here for?" I asked.
He paced around my apartment, making comments on how big it is, and looking at stuff. It was weird. Seeing him in my apartment. He was stalling.
"I can't talk to you now. I can't. I'll just go."
"You were so insistent upon coming over here, just so you could leave!?" I asked.
"Well I can't talk right now, I've had too much to drink."
"I know! That's why I told you to call me tomorrow!"
He sighed.
"I'll just go outside and pass out in my car.
"No. You'll be too tempted to drive." I said.
"Well then let me just sleep on your couch, and I promise I'll be here in the morning, and we'll talk."
I stood in front of the door for a long while. I can't believe this is happening.
"Fine." I said, "But you better not go anywhere."
"I won't. I promise." He held out his hand. I shook it. He held on longer than was necessary and I pulled away.
"Goodnight." I said, went into my room and closed the door.
((Sigh))
I also stole his phone, so that he couldn't leave in the middle of the night. Then I went through all his text messages and found the 2 slores he'd been talking to. I know, that's totally psycho of me, but whatever. There were two of them! And I thought there was only one!!! Beth, and Stephanie. WHORES! And they both call him babe all the time, and one of them even went to one of his golf tournaments. Sounds like a little more than a casual fling to me. As soon as I read them, I stormed out of my room, with full intentions of strangling a confession out of him if I had to. But he was passed out cold on my couch. And I had forgotten how peaceful he looks when he sleeps. So....sweet. I used to sit and watch him sleep sometimes. ((Sigh)) So I lost all my resolution and went back to my room. Then I deleted every single text from both of those girls, AND their phone numbers!!
If his intentions are to try and get back together with me, he won't be needing their numbers anyway. And if that's not his intention, well then I don't really give a fuck! Ugh...
I really wish I knew who these girls were. It's Bethany's fault I looked through his phone anyway. I was on the phone with her and she asked me if I had looked at his text messages. I hadn't even thought about it until she said something. ((Sigh))
I just don't know what I'm gonna do. I mean, it's not like he cheated on me or anything. We're not together. We haven't been for almost 2 months. And if he likes to date 19287523 whores at a time that's his prerogative. But he sure is hell isn't gonna get back in with me while he's doing it!
I've decided to tell him that I think we should take it really slow, and try to develop a pretty solid friendship before we do anything else, and just build from there. BUT!!!! Only under the condition that he stops talking to those sluts. Because otherwise I'll never be able to trust him. And I'm not gonna try being his friend for my health! There's a lot of history, a lot of hurt that I have to get past in order to do that, and if I'm gonna set aside my feelings, and forgive him, then he's gonna give up his slores! END OF STORY!
I've gone in the living room to check on him twice now. He's still there. Fast asleep. I kind of wish he was in my bed. But, I'm standing firm on this one. And I think I'm doing the right thing.
So in the morning, he and I will talk. And tomorrow night, I'll write.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
"Normal" Is Pretty Great
The next day Brandon apologized profusely after I told him what had happened. He said he thought it was his sister putting lipgloss on him, and that he pretty much had no idea what was going on; he was on "autopilot", as he put it. He also told me he's lucky to have me and that I have nothing to worry about as far as those other girls are concerned. And he assured me that it would never happen again. Of course I did tell him that if I ever see that blond bitch again, I will not show her the courtesy of being nice.
And then I gave him shit about for the rest of the day, but it was mostly just playful teasing, and I promised I wouldn't bring it up again after one day of berating him. Haha.
So things are back to normal again, and I'm actually glad for that. Because these days, "normal" is pretty great.
Saturday was pretty much awful since I had to get up early and go to work after the miserable night I'd had Friday. But the good part was that I was off by 5, and Brandon had spent the better part of his day sitting at my bar. Turns out he lost his wallet the night before. Ha! Karma's a bitch, ain't it? Lol.
So Saturday night, I went with Brandon to his dad's house to watch the De La Hoya/Pacman boxing match. It was brutal, btw. It was the first time I'd ever met his dad and his fiance, and I was a little nervous. But everything went well, other than the boxing match. Lol. We were planning on going out afterwards, but by the time we got back to my place, it was already 1am and we were both spent. So we stopped at CVS, picked up some ice cream and settled ourselves on my couch for the night. It was wonderful. :)
On Sunday, I didn't have to work until 7, so Brandon and I spent most of the day together, but unfortunately, he wasn't going to be able to spend the night again. I was doomed to a night alone in my bed, shivering. He always keeps me so warm at night! I call him my personal space heater. I guilted him about it just a little, but he had laundry and cleaning to do, and these days he doesn't get to spend a lot of nights in his own bed, so I let it go.
Work was incredibly long and boring, and I was planning on just going home and watching It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia till I fell asleep afterwards. But when I got home and walked into my bedroom, I turned on the lights and was startled to find Brandon fast asleep in my bed. :)
I was so surprised, and so happy at the same time, and I just thought...I love him.
He had been so adamant about staying at his place, because he had a lot of stuff to do, and he didn't wanna have to drive all the way back, and he needed his rest, etc... But there he was! In my bed. ((sigh)) And in that moment, nothing could have made me happier.
And then I gave him shit about for the rest of the day, but it was mostly just playful teasing, and I promised I wouldn't bring it up again after one day of berating him. Haha.
So things are back to normal again, and I'm actually glad for that. Because these days, "normal" is pretty great.
Saturday was pretty much awful since I had to get up early and go to work after the miserable night I'd had Friday. But the good part was that I was off by 5, and Brandon had spent the better part of his day sitting at my bar. Turns out he lost his wallet the night before. Ha! Karma's a bitch, ain't it? Lol.
So Saturday night, I went with Brandon to his dad's house to watch the De La Hoya/Pacman boxing match. It was brutal, btw. It was the first time I'd ever met his dad and his fiance, and I was a little nervous. But everything went well, other than the boxing match. Lol. We were planning on going out afterwards, but by the time we got back to my place, it was already 1am and we were both spent. So we stopped at CVS, picked up some ice cream and settled ourselves on my couch for the night. It was wonderful. :)
On Sunday, I didn't have to work until 7, so Brandon and I spent most of the day together, but unfortunately, he wasn't going to be able to spend the night again. I was doomed to a night alone in my bed, shivering. He always keeps me so warm at night! I call him my personal space heater. I guilted him about it just a little, but he had laundry and cleaning to do, and these days he doesn't get to spend a lot of nights in his own bed, so I let it go.
Work was incredibly long and boring, and I was planning on just going home and watching It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia till I fell asleep afterwards. But when I got home and walked into my bedroom, I turned on the lights and was startled to find Brandon fast asleep in my bed. :)
I was so surprised, and so happy at the same time, and I just thought...I love him.
He had been so adamant about staying at his place, because he had a lot of stuff to do, and he didn't wanna have to drive all the way back, and he needed his rest, etc... But there he was! In my bed. ((sigh)) And in that moment, nothing could have made me happier.
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