AAA: Austin, Alcohol, and Anxiety

Ughhhh I started typing this last night, and then got into a long, trainwreck of a conversation with Lane, which I will blog about next time. Gonna finish this one first.

This will probably be brief, because I really just wanna veg out and watch tv right now, but I figured I should hurry up and write this before I forget. So day number 1 in Austin was great. Kevin was a little too touchy/feely for my comfort level, but it was his birthday, so I let it slide. He just kept giving me kisses. We had a connecting flight in Houston with a little bit of a layover, so he bought us drinks lol. Then we got the puddle jumper to Austin and headed to the hotel. It was like 10am, but they let us check in early, so that was lucky. Then we grabbed an Uber and headed to South Congress, where we ended up at a really good Tex Mex place. We sat at the bar, did a couple tequila shots, drank margs and ate chips & queso and just talked. The alcohol helped, of course, cuz I was feeling more comfortable with him once I was buzzed. But the PDA thing was starting to get out of hand. So eventually I had to say something. I just sorta mentioned that PDA isn't really my thing, and he shouldn't take it personally. But apparently, my opinions on the subject didn't seem to matter, because he just kept doing it. But we also kept getting drunker, so my tolerance for his behavior was going up instead of down. We met up with my cousin, Lexi, that night. She's in her last semester at UT. And that was perfect, because we were at this bar, where Kevin had friends from NOLA, and I didn't know them, so with Lexi there, I had someone to talk to and hang with. We were out on 6th street, surprisingly, for most of the night. It was just so crazy being back there after all these years. I felt really old lol. But all in all we had a really good time. I did tell Lexi about how the PDA thing was bugging me, and it was just kind of...TOO MUCH, and was like, "Yea, I can sorta tell."
I don't remember the ride back to the hotel, but I was nervous about him trying something. As luck would have it though, he passed out immediately with all his clothes and shoes on lol. So I just got ready for bed at my leisure and went to sleep unharassed.
Friday morning was brutal. I didn't sleep well at all the night before, I kept having insane dreams that were startling me awake and then I woke up super early with a really bad anxiety attack, which happens when I drink. So I got up, took a Xanax and went back to bed. I was finally sleeping well when Kevin woke me up and said he had a couple friends who wanted to meet up for lunch, and we needed to get ready to go.
Now I am NOT a morning person, and I don't like being rushed. I like to take my time, drink my coffee and not talk to anyone. But here Kevin is being all chipper and pestering me to hurry up and get ready, and I felt absolutely awful. Anxiety in full swing. Surprisingly, I didn't feel hungover, but maybe that's just because the anxiety was taking over all my senses. While I was still asleep, I had gotten a text from Lane about a dream he had. I'll paste.

We sorta kept chatting on and off throughout the next couple days, not about anything relevant really. Just small talk.

Well we finally got out of the hotel and went to meet Kevin's friends, which were these 2 Australian guys on a 6 week trip across the US. He met them at his bar too, like the day after he met me lol. But they were pretty cool. Only thing is, when they met us at the restaurant, I just couldn't deal. When I'm having a full blown anxiety attack, all I wanna do is be alone, and curl up in a ball somewhere. I can't socialize, I can't go anywhere, I just CAN'T. I can't with anything. And that's how I was feeling. I was also really super tired. So I think those Aussies got a really bad first impression of me. And of course, Kevin kept rubbing my knee under the table, and trying to kiss me on the cheek and stuff...((Sigh)) After we ate, I convinced Kevin that I just needed a nap, and I'd meet them back up afterwards. So I went back to the hotel, and couldn't have been more relieved. I took another Xanax and got in bed. I was in and out for a couple hours. When I woke up I had texts from Izzie wanting to make plans for dinner, and I filled her in on my anxiety situation. She was sympathetic, and talked to me for a bit, so that helped. After a while, I started feeling better, and actually felt a bit bored. So I toyed with the idea of getting up and going back out to meet the guys. Then Kevin called and told me they were playing shuffleboard at this place we'd been at the night before, and he missed me and blabla. Then he says, "My friends think you don't like me that much." And I was like, "Damn those perceptive fuckers!" to myself of course, lol. What I actually said was, "Dude, I can't really explain this very well to you, but I was having bad anxiety this morning, and I've told you multiple times that I don't like PDA. And since when are you gonna let these 2 dudes dictate my feelings?" And he was like, "Ok, you're right."

Lane was texting me again, because I told him I was in Austin, and how our flight was at 7am the next morning. He suggested I just ride it out and not sleep, which is something you could conceivably do in NOLA, cuz some of the bars never close, but not in Austin. Then I ended up telling him the situation with Kevin.

Note that the drugs he's referring to is some pot Kevin got from some random guy the night before. I didn't participate in that though. Lane didn't respond after that, so I got up and ralleyed. I felt tons better by the time I got there, physically, but now I felt like I had to be extra affectionate with Kevin or those dudes were gonna say something. ((eye roll)) I wasn't though. I was just normal. Truthfully, I think he's a really nice guy, but just too much for me right now. And being on that trip with him just made me think about Lane, constantly, and reminded me that I'm not over him. As much as I tried to distract myself, I was texting him the whole weekend, and trying to force something that just wasn't meant to be with Kevin. Maybe if Kevin and I had met 2 months from now... I don't know. But it was starting to really bother me that he was completely disregarding my feelings on the subject of PDA, and we ended up getting in a bit of an argument when we got back to the hotel around 12:30 that night. We didn't stay out late cuz our flight Saturday was was so early. FML. 

So we had just gotten out of the Uber and he's grabbing my ass and saying, "Why won't you kiss me?" And I'd just had it! Finally! 

I pushed him away and I was like, "Look. I've been telling you this for the past 2 days, and you just don't seem to be listening. This is all too much. It's too much! We don't know each other! I mean I came here to have a good time, and we did, and that's great, but this is probably the most impulsive thing I've ever done. And we still don't know each other. And I'm just not comfortable being like that with you and you keep pushing it! It's just too much too soon. And whatever I say, I can't win, because you'll probably be mad."

And he was like, "No, I'm not mad. That's cool, I get it. I'm sorry." But of course, he looked upset. ((sigh)). So the elevator ride back up to the hotel was awkward, I went in the bathroom, closed the door and got ready for bed, and when I came out, he was already basically asleep. I set the alarm and went to bed. 

When I got up (at fucking 5:45am), I had a response from Lane. It seemed slightly encouraging, although he was probably drunk when he typed it, but I wrote back. Then nothing.

The flights home went by pretty quickly cuz we both slept through them. And when Kevin's roommate picked us up from the airport, I just kept thinking, Almost there. Almost there, as I fantasized about being alone and in my bed with my furbabies. Then finally I was home, and I just slept. ((Sigh)) Alone at last.

Home Again

Well I am home at last! My sleep schedule is totally thrown off now due to the early mornings and the time change in Orlando. So I woke up on my own this morning at 9:30! I know that probably doesn't seem very early to you guys, but I'm a bartender, remember? Lol.

So anyway, Matt has kept in touch with me intermittently over the past week. I've been letting him make the first move each time, so he's always the first to text me, and I just respond. But yesterday I sent him a funny picture of Ron Swanson (we both ♥ Parks & Rec). Then like 5 hours later, he sent me another funny picture back, and I wrote something like, "Omg that's awesome." And he hasn't responded since.

On Saturday, when Lexi and I were at Disney World, he texted me saying he was going to stop by my bar the night before, but then remembered I was at Hogwarts. Lol. So I told him I would be back Tuesday. So he definitely knows I'm home. I'm hoping maybe I'll get to see him today, but I'm not going to hold my breath. The ball is in his court now.

As for Brazil, we're still talking, even though he's been getting on my nerves a little bit over the past couple weeks. I don't want to take any of our conversations too seriously, since they're all just facebook chat, and a lot can get lost in translation. Plus it's often hard to tell when someone is joking or being serious via text as opposed to actually talking. So I'm not going to rule him out just yet. Anyway, I talk to him a lot more than I talk to Matt. And he actually told me he wants to take me out to dinner when he gets back. So hmmm... I just need to find out more about his background. Hopefully that won't be so hard once we're in the same country. He gets back on Sunday I'm pretty sure.

Well my trip was awesome! Lexi and I had so much fun! We got into all the parks for free, except Disney, because my Uncle works in the hotel industry and has so many connections! In fact, we could have gotten free Disney tickets too, but he just couldn't get hold of the guy who could get them. But the trip was great. It was Lexi's first real trip without her parents. She just finished her first semester of college. So I let her call most of the shots since it was my second trip to Harry Potter World. But we managed to do and see everything we wanted to. And of course, my Uncle said we are welcome back any time. And of course it was great meeting my new cousins! The baby is soooo adorable. The most happy, chill baby ever!

Speaking of babies, I talked to Izzie last night, and she told me she and her husband are trying to get pregnant again. OMg! Soon the rest of my friends will follow suit. It's hard to believe really. ((Sigh)) Well I don't envy any of them. I like kids, but they aren't for me. I just don't have that mothering instinct. I mean I like to play with them and stuff, but I don't have the patience, or the desire to put my own wants on hold for a kid. Maybe that's selfish, and maybe I'll change my mind someday, but I doubt it. Lol.

Well I'm gonna go be super productive and catch up on all the TV I missed this past week. LOL. Ciao!

Orlando or Bust!

Ever been so tired, you felt drunk?? That was me and Lexi last night. Omg...Thursday Harry Potter World, Friday Sea World, Saturday Disney World. We've had a crazy couple of days! We were at Magic Kingdom for 13 hours yesterday!!! Today is relax day. Lol. The weather here in Orlando is amazing and we've been having so much fun. Tomorrow we're going back to Harry Potter World, and then Tuesday, it's back to Chicago. :(
Matt actually did text me on Thursday. We chatted almost all day! He didn't believe I was really at Harry Potter World, so I kept sending him pictures, and he kept saying I probably just found them on facebook. Lol. I haven't heard from him since Thursday, but I've been pretty busy with other stuff, so I'm not gonna worry about it. Brazil and I have been chatting online pretty frequently though. He actually really pissed me off the other night because he started this debate over who's a better wizard: Gandalf, or Harry Potter. And I was like, You're not supposed to compare the 2!! They are 2 completely different stories, written in 2 completely different worlds, in 2 completely different time periods!!! So why do you have to make comparisons?! Then he posted a status on facebook, which he tagged me in, saying he was arguing with me over who was better, and then of course millions of people were commenting on it, talking shit about Harry Potter... Ugh. He hasn't even read any of the books! Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings! I've read all of them, and I'm sorry, but I enjoyed reading Harry more. And that is just my personal opinion!, which I am, of course, entitled to, and I don't expect anyone else to share! But don't talk shit to me about Harry Potter if you want to remain friends. Lol. I warned him, but he just didn't listen. So I signed off facebook chat, and refused to talk to him for a day. Lol. He sent me millions of apologies, and posted on my wall and everything. It was pretty funny. The next day I told him I was over it, but that I hope he learned his lesson.
Anyway, I'm not so sure about Brazil anymore... Not because of the Harry Potter thing just because...I don't know. I feel like there are just some things about him that might be red flags. Things that don't quite add up. Like the fact that he was staying with some chick in Rio for a week and spent NYE with her, and the fact that some girl posted something on his facebook wall about having a "date night" when he gets back to the states, and more of the same. It seems like he just has a lot of girls around... And that shit doesn't usually fly with me. But we'll see...

Anyway, I stole away from the family to come in here and post, but I don't think it'll be long before one of my little cousins comes busting in here, so I better sign off for today. More soon!

XOXO,

Peyton

No Place Like Home For The Holidays

Gosh I feel like I'm always getting so behind on this blog and then I'm back here apologizing for not writing!! :(
SORRY!!
I've been ridiculously busy for the past month. Finishing up tons of projects at school, working a lot to save money for my trips, piano recitals, oh, and I had the flu and missed an entire week of school which put me way behind in like EVERYTHING!! Needless to say, it's been crazy!

I leave tomorrow for Houston and a much needed break from everything! I'm just really going to miss my puppy! :( But I'm excited to see all my friends; they always give me the warmest welcome reception. I've already got my entire weekend planned out! Haha.
It's going to be a bittersweet Christmas though... I'm spending it with Dad and Sophie is spending it with Mom. So we're all divided now and it sucks. I'm starting to realize the holidays will just never be like they used to be.
Also, apparently my Dad has already been through a string of short "relationships". Ugh... He seems quite desperate to find someone. So much so that he's not being picky at all and that really concerns me. He flew to Florida with some woman to meet her family for Thanksgiving and he'd only known her for 2 months! And she has an 11 year old daughter who she introduced him to like after 2 weeks! That's just plain irresponsible, in my opinion. I mean, for all she knows my dad could be like a molester or something! I mean, obviously he's not, but it never fails to surprise me the things people neglect to think about when it comes to their children. But whatever. She dumped him apparently, and now he's already got some other broad lined up. My mom seems to think it's funny. Funny!! But I guess that's better than her being upset about it. ((Rolls eyes))

I'm definitely going to be seeing Gavin during this trip. And we are definitely going to do it. Lol. At least that's the plan, but we'll see...
Speaking of guys, I kind of met someone here in Chicago. And when I say I met someone, I pretty much literally meet MET because I've only hung out with the dude once. He's very nice, cute, Brazilian, speaks fluent Portuguese, smart, musical, yada yada. But he's only 25, and he's a bit short. I know, I'm being ridiculously picky, but the age thing always seems to get me in the end. I could overlook his height, but I'm not sure about the age. But anyway, he just flew to Brazil yesterday and he won't be back till mid January so I have plenty of time to just...let the pieces fall where they lie. I mean he's definitely interested in me, I can tell, but I've noticed that he and some girl in Rio keep facebooking each other, and he told me he was going to Rio for NYE so...I dunno. I'm not going to put all my eggs in one basket, that's for sure.
Whatever. I'm excited to see my friends, and Jenna! I finally get to meet her baby girl! I'm so excited. Oh! And I'm going to one of Todd's football games with my Dad and Sophie over the weekend too! So that will be fun. I haven't been to a game since his rookie season! And when Todd was here last he was asking me if I was going to come to any this season, so I cashed in, in a manner of speaking...
One more thing! Did I tell you guys that my cousin Lexi and I are going to Harry Potter World this January?? I'm almost more excited about that than Christmas!! LOL! She's as big of a HP fan as me and she's never been so it's gonna be totally awesome! I can't wait.
Well, I will try to post again soon, but what with my traveling and Christmas and everything, I can't make any promises. Sorry!

Happy Holidays Everybody!! Thanks for sticking with me! :)

Happy Halloweenie!

OMG! I just bought a brand new Canon SLR camera with 2 Canon lenses! I finally had enough money saved to get one, and I've been due for an upgrade for years. I'm so excited!!
Also, Lexi and I are buying our plane tickets to Orlando tomorrow! So many great things are happening right now! I'm so happy and busy that I've hardly had time to worry about boys! Lol. Not that that's a bad thing. These are definitely welcome distractions.
So how was everybody's Halloween weekend?? We were slammed at the bar, of course. Which is good cuz I definitely need the money, as always. Last night, Abbie and I had a PJ party at her place. We watched scary movies and drank wine. It was so nice to just relax after a long busy weekend. And I really like Abbie! She's a lot of fun, and goofy like me. I finally feel like I'm starting to find my niche here, and make some potential good friends. :)
But anyway, I seriously can't believe how fast this season is going by. I swear I'm gonna blink my eyes and it'll be Christmas already! And I'm so excited for this holiday season! I have so much fun stuff planned!
Tomorrow I have my second piano lesson. I'm not as prepared as I'd like to be, cuz I had critiques all week last week, but I've definitely been practicing really hard the last few days, and I can already tell I'm improving. So hopefully he'll notice... Keeping my fingers crossed!

The End of An Era

OMG! I have so much to write about today, but it's all completely unrelated. Lol. So I'm gonna try to keep this as organized as possible.

1) Does anyone else read Cosmo's Bedroom Blog? Because Jessica Hulett just ended it!! I'm so sad! I LOVE Bedroom Blog and it was one of the biggest contributing inspirations for my blog! The first time I read it, it just got me thinking like...Omg. I could totally write about this stuff and it would all be true! But now that K's blog is over, it's also got me thinking how much I appreciate you all as my readers! I mean I probably wouldn't bother to write if no one was reading. It's just nice to know there's someone out there listening, ya know? So anyway, I'm sad that she's ended the blog, but now I feel like I need to step it up over here so you guys still have something to read!

2) If any of you are ever confused about someone I refer to in the blog, use my search engine! (In the voice of Rob Lowe) I literally spent hours, a few months back, going through all my posts and adding labels and tags for everyone and everything so that you guys (and me, hehe) would be able to find stuff more easily. And since I am a real person, it's hard for me to keep track of EVERYONE I know and everyone I blog about. I know it can get confusing. I mean think about how many people you interact with within just one year, and imagine trying to tell someone about every single one of those people, and then expecting them to remember them all. Cuz that's basically what you guys have to do. Hahaha. So yea, use the search engine in the left margin, underneath the list of posts, etc.

3) Tomorrow I'm taking up piano again! I found a really badass (albeit, expensive!) teacher in the area. I'm excited but also nervous, because things didn't go so well with my last piano teacher. I mean I liked him, I just didn't really get what I wanted to out of the lessons and it ended up just turning into another source of stress. I actually had a nightmare about it last night! Ugh... But today I practiced and it reminded me why I'm doing this: because I love it! And from what I've read/emailed with this new teacher about his methods, I think it will be a pleasant and rewarding experience. So I'm excited! I'm just going to do it every other week too, so I won't be trying to cram too much into my already hectic schedule.

4) My cousin Lexi and I are planning a trip to Harry Potter World in January! I'm so excited!! She's like the only person I know who's as big of a HP nerd as I am, and she's never been to the park, so I suggested we go together! Lol. And January is the perfect time to go because flight prices are so low after the holidays, and the weather will be nice and balmy in Orlando around that time. :) Lexi is in her first semester of college, so she had to get the go ahead from her parents, money-wise. But her birthday falls just around Christmas, so she's getting the trip as a Birthday/Christmas present. Unfortunately I'm not going to be so lucky, but I got time to save.

5) Speaking of the holidays, did I mention that Sophie and I are taking our Dad to one of Todd's games?? He scored us tickets for Christmas break! I'm so excited!!!

6) I have a new admirer. His name is Ted. Lol. Ted and I have a few random connections. One being that he's Brent's brother Taylor's roommate, and two being he's a friend of one of my coworkers (Abbie). I met him at the bar when he came in to visit Abbie one day, and he's been persistently pursuing me ever since. And even though I'm not really attracted to him, I like him. Not like like, I just...like him. He's cool, and funny. And did I mention persistent? Anyway, I feel like I should probably introduce him to you guys now, in case something comes up in the near future, which I think it will...

Well I think that's all I have for now, but I'll definitely be back later this week! Ciao Bellas!