Saturday, June 11, 2016

Sex, Dating, Marriage and Cheating

Sorry if I left you guys hanging. Apparently some of you were confused by my reaction to finding out "The Cheater" had a gf. Ok. Initially yea, maybe my reaction was inappropriately strong. But it obviously came as a complete shock to me. And yes, it's true, I knew next to nothing about the guy when I slept with him, and what we had lasted one night, and was 85% just physical. The fact still remains, I wouldn't have done any of it if I'd known he was supposed to be committed to another person. I'm not ok with that. I'm not a pure hedonist, there is always a line we have to draw. After everything that happened with Lane, I came out the other side of a dark tunnel pretty much, with my back straight and my head up, refusing to let my broken heart take me deeper into that tunnel, where surely depression and anxiety and hopelessness waited for me. I've been there before, I'm familiar with the road that leads to that, and I made a choice not to take that road. Instead, I chose the road of distraction, pleasure and indulgence. I don't regret that choice, because it's far better than the alternative, but perhaps I continued down that path a little too long. And finding out about Eric's girlfriend was sort of an eye opener. I'm not saying I'm going to revirginize myself or anything, but going forward, I want to be a bit more informed on my choices. I don't think cheating is ok, ever. Under any circumstances. I've cheated, and been cheated on. In the long run, it's hurtful to everyone involved, and any pleasure derived from the experience comes at a hefty price. Not to mention, it's baggage I just don't need! So those are my feelings on that.

Anyway, Abbie just called and dropped a huge bomb on me. She and Helen are getting a divorce. They haven't even been married a year! The selfish part of me is angry because I spent so much money to be in their wedding and had to fly to Chicago when I was broke and going through a really rough time, and so much time and thought (and more money) went into the gift I got/made for them, and so much time and grief (on my part as well as Abbie's) went into their whole courtship (I was in Chicago for all of that), and now it's all just going down the drain! The phone call was very brief, because Abbie was at work, but she did tell me that Helen cheated, and apparently her twin sister, Reagan, is the one who figured it out. She promised to call me later tonight and explain everything. ((Sigh)) I'm going to be thinking and wondering and speculating about this all day. Of course I feel awful for Abbie, and genuinely shocked. They seemed so in love! And I really did believe Helen was the best woman for the job! (Being Abbie's wife) Cuz Abbie's no walk in the park. I mean, just being her friend was pretty much a full-time job, and she's high maintenance! Maybe that's why Helen cheated? She's also pretty young. I think she was only 24 or 25 when they got married. Still! NOT AN EXCUSE TO CHEAT! Ugh...
Every time this happens I lose a little bit more hope for myself. I know, I know, it's not about me. But if any of you are one of the last TWO single people left in your group of friends, you'll understand. It's just me and Lauren now. One of us will end up in a relationship eventually, and the other one will be fucked. And I don't want it to be Lauren, but of course, I don't want it to be me either. ((Sigh))

Speaking of relationships, Chris hasn't answered my last 2 texts. At first I thought he might be traveling, because the last time I saw him, he mentioned he was gonna have to go to Detroit and somewhere else. But in the past, he's always been pretty good at responding to my messages, so either I said or did something the night of my bday that put him off or freaked him out, or it's just ran its course. Who knows? Our time together had an expiration date anyway, so perhaps it's better this way.
And Kyle promised to take me out for a late bday dinner as well. That was supposed to happen the weekend after my birthday. We had a restaurant picked out and he was going to pick me up and everything. But the morning of our date, he called and said he left his work laptop at his hotel in Dallas and had to drive all the way back to get it because he could get in big trouble. He apologized a lot and begged me not to hate him and swore he'd make it up to me, but we have yet to reschedule. ((Eye roll)) First he got sent off shore, and this weekend I'm super busy with work, and on Sunday he's leaving for a work conference in Miami for a week. Ugh! I'm not sure if this will ever happen. Maybe in another 2 years? Lol. As much as I would like to see him and find out if we still have that chemistry we had 2 years ago, I'm not holding my breath. But in the meantime, my bootycall well has dried up. So I'm taking that as a sign that my 6 month foray into the life of Dorian Gray has come to an end. I really do want something more meaningful than that.


Anonymous said...

Omg I'm pretty new to this blog but I love your honesty. So much going on in this post. Pleeeeeease don't leave us hanging on what happened with Abbie, I'm so nosy!!!

http://sweetcanadian.blogspot.com/ said...

I think you need to make a new post with all the people. It is so hard to keep track and I believe you did a "cast of characters" at another point.

I don't have time to read many blogs lately but I check every few days to see if you have a new post LOL. I love this blog, you remind me a lot of myself.

I recently found myself "separated" after 10 years in a relationship and 4 of them married. I remember thinking sometimes I am so glad I don't have to be dating and have the woes that come with it and now I am in that same boat. Ugh. People kinda suck sometimes.

I haven't even gone on a date with anyone as I am not ready for a relationship but I do want the companion. After being with someone so long it is hard to not have that even though I do not want my marriage. My husband and I were not compatible and we both now know it.