Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Dallas Disaster

I ended up having to close Friday night, which was great money-wise, but it also meant I only got 3 hours of sleep before I had to wake up and go pick up Melissa. We made it to Dallas in really good time actually. There was no traffic, and I was speeding most of the way. So we met up with Todd's family first and then went to the tailgate. We ate so much food, it was ridiculous! Finally it was time for the game. We got to watch Todd warm up with his snapper (the guy that throws the ball to him when he kicks). It was awesome! They ended up losing the game, but Todd did really well, and they definitely put up a fight. Seeing him play was amazing. I mean he's so graceful! Lol.
Afterwards, Todd's family left, and we waited for him outside the locker room. There were 2 agents waiting to talk to him as well. A lot of people have been looking at him lately, since it's his senior year. I wonder which NFL team he'll play for.... Anyways, when he finished talking to everyone, he came over said hi, and gave me a hug, and we then we followed him back to his house.

Melissa and I got ready as fast as we could, but by the time we left, it was already 1am. I mean the game didn't end till about 11, and then we had to wait for Todd, so we were already off to a late start. We ended up at some bar out in the middle of nowhere. Not in downtown, which was a little disappointing, because I was hoping to barhop. But we wouldn't have had time anyway... So we took as many shots as we could cram into the hour we had left. Todd, always the responsible one, was driving, so he only had one. The whole time we were there I kept having arguments with myself in my head.
How do I act? Do I flirt? How do I even flirt with him?? Would he even notice?
((sigh)) So I just tried to stay near him at all times. His friends were nice for the most part. All of them were football players, and he introduced me to so many people I couldn't even begin to hope I'd remember all their names. One guy in particular, was extraordinarily obnoxious. I mean Todd warned me that he was "crazy" but I had no idea that meant he would be mentally unstable, socially retarded and chemically imbalanced! First, he grabbed my ass, then he went for my crotch! I mean, standing right in front of me, he goes, "I'm gonna grab your crotch!" and sure enough, he went for it!! Naturally, I slapped his hand away and told him playfully, but seriously, that if he touched me again, I'd punch him in his throat. Todd stepped between us at that point. And he's so huge, he could probably separate 2 mountains if he wanted to. I mean literally, he's 6'6" and in really good shape! It's so weird, cuz I remember when we were in high school, and he was a scrawny 5 feet tall with a squeaky voice. ((sigh)) Those were the days... Anyways, after that, his weird friend walked away.

When the bar closed, we all piled back into Todd's BMW and headed over to a house party. The place was pretty crowded when we got there, and everybody was already pretty loaded. I mean they'd all been drinking since the game ended! There were 3 beer pong tables set up in their garage, and all the boys were in there playing. And of course, when you get a whole football team of twenty-something guys together with beer pong, they're gonna be loud and rowdy.
And this is when things started to get shitty.

Let's do some background real quick. Melissa turned 25 this year. She's 6 months older than I am. And all she ever talks about when in the presence of younger people, is her age. Maybe it's cuz she's short. Maybe it's cuz she still lives at home and doesn't work. Maybe it's cuz she's still going to school. I don't know! But she always feels the need to assert herself by telling people that she's 25, as if it's some kind of exclusive club she just entered. As if anyone cares! And she says it with this air of snotty authority...it's stupid! Every time she does it, I roll my eyes.
"Omg I am so old! I'm twenty-five!"
So as soon as we walk into this party, she starts saying shit about how she can't believe she's at this "college party" with all these "little boys", etc. etc...
About 15 minutes after we get there, someone knocks on the door. One of the players' mom answers it, and it's a disgruntled neighbor, threatening to call the cops if we don't all quiet down. Well since this Mom was the only adult (and I'm not using that term loosely, because technically we were all adults) at the party, she started walking around telling underage drinkers that they should probably head home.
Well Melissa goes up and talks to The Mom and of course, tells her that she's 25, and that she'll help her clear out the minors. So we all go into the garage, where Todd is playing beer pong with 3 other guys. The Mom is yelling for everyone to quiet down, and none of the guys are listening, if they can even hear her over all their noise. One guy in particular, a fat boy with shaggy hair, who was playing beer pong against Todd, is yelling especially loudly. So Melissa starts yelling at him to shut the fuck up and listen to The Mom.
Well the fat kid, in his drunken stupor, doesn't like this and yells at Melissa to shut the fuck up. Then she yells back that he needs to be quiet and listen to The Mom and show some respect.

"Do you fucking live here!?" He screamed, "Fuck you bitch! Do you fucking live here???"

She called him a fat fuck, he called her a whore and a bitch, it went on for about a minute.
Todd and I were just standing there shell-shocked. I mean all I could think was, Omg is this really happening!?
"I wanna leave. Can we please leave now? I don't wanna be here anymore." Melissa says to Todd.
I could tell he didn't wanna go, I mean we'd only been there for about 20 minutes. But since he's Todd, he said of course we could leave. And Melissa immediately walks off. I chased after her through the crowd and out the front door.

"Why are you going outside? It's freezing! We have to wait for Todd." I said.
"Because! I don't wanna be here anymore!" Melissa snapped.
I sighed as she reached Todd's car.
"Ok well don't try to open the door, you might set the alarm off."
"I'm not gonna open the fucking door Peyton, I'm not a retard!"
"Why are you yelling at me!? I'm not the one you're mad at, don't take this out on me!" I said firmly.
"I really don't wanna hear from you right now Peyton! I've already heard enough."
"Well why did you have to say anything to him!? That whole situation could have been avoided if you hadn't started yelling at him to shut the fuck up!" I was starting to lose my cool by this point.
"I don't wanna fucking hear it Peyton! That guy was a fucking dick! He had no right to talk to me like that!" There was a definite bitchy edge to her voice that was raising the hairs on my neck.
"I know that, I'm just saying, none of that would have happened if you hadn't instigated it!"
"Just shutup!" She yelled.
"WHY does drama have to follow me wherever I go!?" I said halfway to myself.
"Oh WHATever! You think you're so much better than everyone! You act like you don't have any drama! But you do! You have just as much as me so you have no room to talk-"
"FINE! Fine." I cut her off.

Todd's roommate, Brendan, approached and we were both silent. He apologized profusely for the fat guy and told us he was ashamed of his friend's actions. I told him not to worry about it, it wasn't his fault, etc...
Todd finally got to the car; he had to say goodbye to some people. When we got in the car, I apologized to Melissa for snapping at her, but she didn't say anything. She just sat in the back seat sniffling. Todd felt so bad about what happened, it was so sweet. ((sigh)) He kept trying to cheer her up, but she just kept shaking her head and saying she didn't care about "that stupid boy". So we went back to Todd's and Melissa went straight upstairs and to bed. A few of Todd's friends came over and they played more beer pong. There were 3 girls there too. I started getting really sleepy, so I sat down on the couch behind the beer pong table to watch. After their game Todd came and sat down. Then one of the girls came over and sat down on the other side of him.

The next thing I knew, his arm was around her. My stomach plummeted. And there I was sitting there next to them. How pathetic. I was shocked at how upset this made me. I mean obviously Todd was interested in this girl. So...had he even stopped to consider me in that way?? Maybe he never will... Maybe I'll always just be his "best friend". ((sigh))

"I'm gonna go to bed." I announced.

"Ok!" Todd smiled. "Goodnight Peyton."

The entire night had been a disaster. I trudged up the stairs to Todd's room where Melissa and I were sleeping. She was fast asleep. I went into his humongous bathroom and shut the door so the light wouldn't wake her up. I started to take my makeup off and suddenly I just...started to cry. I don't really know why it all hit me at once like that, but it did. I backed into Todd's closet and shut the door so that I could have a good cry and get it out of my system.

It's like I've been single for so long, and wasting so much time with all these stupid asshole guys, that nobody takes me seriously anymore. Everyone just thinks I'm out to have fun, and I'm just all about the scene and that's it. But I'm not. That's not me. And if anyone should know that, it's Todd. But he can't seem to see me in a romantic light. ((sigh))
He's so...perfect...it's like...I don't know what to do! We've been friends since we were kids. He introduces me as his best friend. But...we have a really deep-rooted friendship, and isn't that the best foundation for a successful relationship? And he really knows me, I mean really knows me. And we understand each other so well, and we have the same ideals, and I have so much respect for him, he's the nicest guy I know! It literally kills me to just let him go. But...I've already told him before that it's crossed my mind, and he's only been single for about 4 weeks, and I don't wanna overwhelm him. But I also don't wanna pass up this opportunity, because who knows when I'll get this chance again! Maybe he just doesn't know how I feel, or maybe...I dunno. I just don't know!
I told Sophie all about it. She thinks I should wait till the next time he's in town and ask him out on a date. She says I'll have to make the first move, because he's never been good about that. I mean, he was set up with his last girlfriend, and he's only ever had 2 serious relationships. But I know he won't be back in Houston for at least 4 weeks, because he has 4 more games. And 4 weeks is a long time to wait!!
So I've been toying with the idea of writing to him. Like an email or something. But I have no idea what to say, or even how to begin.

TDH stood me up again on Friday. He didn't even call!
Tonight he texted me, "Hey!"
I said, "Don't bother."
"Figured...I'm sorry, late" was his response.
What a dick.
I'm so through with these guys.
I'm just done.

P.S. This is my hair, and believe it or not, it's brown!

So here I am
Looking pretty for you
They come and go
No one else here will do
So I'm dancing alone
Dreaming solo
'Cause your love's the one worth waiting for
It's just like heaven


Anonymous said...

I wouldn't do anything about the Todd situation. You told him you were interested in him a few months ago, so don't push it.

You guys could be meant for each other, but for your own sake please wait until his feelings catch up to yours. Distract yourself.

Ashley said...

Brown, huh?! That's surprising! I like the hair though, although i don't think I could ever pull off light blue streaks. I think it would end up looking more blue.

If I were you, I would learn to look at Todd as a friend. Otherwise, it's going to put a lot of strain on your friendship. If you told him you have honest to goodness feelings for him...what would happen. If you have any indication that it would be yes, I'd say go for it. But every time you mention him, it's always very platonic, so I would steer clear of him. BTW, he may sound great on paper, but it would probably be a drag if you two were actually together. Dreams are always better in your head than live out.

DDgirl said...

oh Peyton, I'm really sorry it went so bad!!

StarzGazR said...

wow! I really like your blog. Especially the part about how people see you as just "liking the scene" and not really taking you as a seriousy relationship type person.. i've sooo been there and i agree.. As far as todd.. i know that when feelings are involved within friends it could EASILY mess up a friendship... so just be supppeerr careful about how you go about this!!!
Good Luck!