Ditched?

Well...tonight was supposed to be my second date with Brady. But...I never heard from him. All day!
And honestly? I don't really care.
It was just one of those things where we met, and we liked each other, and had a good time together, but...we just didn't click. There was no spark. And I didn't really see it going past this week. So I guess maybe Brady figured he'd cut his losses early. Meh... It stung a little at first that he didn't even call to cancel, but whatever. I'm over it.
Baseball Guy on the other hand, has been texting me nonstop! He's in Texarkana right now with his team, for a couple of games. And I know I should feel happy, and flattered even that he's paying me so much attention (maybe he's just bored?), but it's almost annoying! I mean he's been texting me all day, every day since the night we met! And mostly he just complains! About the heat, about getting up early for workouts, his AC in his hotel room not working, the crappy movie he just watched... The list goes on.
Alyssa says maybe he just wants something to talk about, and he doesn't really have anything else exciting going on at the moment. So I hope that's what it is. But that didn't stop me from sending him a text that read: There's no crying in baseball! ;)
Lol.

Alyssa and I went out to dinner tonight at Carl's restaurant. He totally gave us all our drinks for free, and even sent over a "birthday" dessert, complete with a sparkler. Lol. It was fun though. Then we went back to Russ's house (he's on a mission trip out of the country right now) and watched The Other Boleyn Girl, which was excellent, yet morbidly depressing. I'm certain that Queen Anne must have been a crackpot. Lol.
Anyways, it was great to have some girl time, and to do something low key on my night off. I'm really kinda burned out on the midtown bar scene lately. It's always the same places, the same people, the same story... And I'm just getting tired of the Go! Go! Go! in my tall stiletto heels, if you know what I mean. It's nice to be able to sit somewhere quiet with a bottle of wine, or a marg and just...talk! So that's what I've been doing lately.
Anyway, I have this feeling that Daniel and WTP are already broken up. I didn't wanna ask Alyssa outright, but I'm pretty sure he's already gotten tired of her. Which doesn't surprise me.
But I find myself wondering, almost wishing, he'll come back to me. Then I slap myself mentally for thinking that and immediately launch into the list of reasons why I hate Daniel. ((sigh))
Why can't I just get over him already!?


P.S. I've noticed that sometimes you guys ask me questions in my comments, so here's your chance! Any questions you may have for me, please ask in a comment, and I'll answer all of them in my next post. As long as they're not vulgar, or pertaining to my identity, of course.
Look forward to hearing from you all!

At Daniel's apartment complex where he works, they have their own bottled water, with their logo on it, to give to clients.
A couple bottles ended up in my car. Some that he left. Some that I left.
I'm not sure when exactly she took them, but my mom recycles used water bottles, refills them, and keeps them in the fridge.
Everytime I open the refridgerator and see one of those bottles, I hide it in the back, behind the milk.

Beneath The Surface

I don't know if I can do this. I miss Daniel. WHY do I miss him so much??? Why can't I just forget about him?! He's a jerk, and a waste of my time. And yet...I still love him.
((sigh))
Brady and I went on our first date tonight. It was nice to finally meet him in person. He's really nice and I like him and everything, but...I just can't help but think about Daniel. Everything Brady and I talked about made me think of him. It's like a virus! And it's spreading and I can't make it stop!
I dunno if I'm ready for this. Dating.
I thought it would be a good distraction. And it seemed like a good idea at the time... I thought I was doing so much better, I thought I was moving on...but it seems like all I've really done is bury him, deep inside of me. But he's still very much there, just waiting to resurface when I'm feeling most vulnerable.

Prospects

Ok so I did something in a moment of desperation. Something...uncharacteristic of me. Something maybe a little foolish, and yet...I don't regret it!
I joined a dating website. Lol. I know, stupid, right?? But I was starting to think you know, I'm not meeting any decent guys out in Houston, and the ones I think are decent, turn out to be douchebags who don't want relationships. So I figured, where better to find relationship material than someplace where other people are looking for the same things I am! So I signed up for like 1 month, just to see what would happen.
And I actually met a cute, decent guy! And we've been chatting back and forth for the past couple days. His name is Brady, he just moved here from Dallas where he was going to school. He's a financial analyst, but he says he doesn't want me to think of him as "that boring cubical guy". He does a lot of out-doorsy type stuff, and he's 6'4"!!!! Oh, and did I mention he's really good looking?? I mean, we haven't met in person or anything but he has like 7 pictures up, and he looks cute in all of them. The only setback is he's 23. But that's not like a huge age gap or anything, so maybe he'll be more mature than most 23-year-olds. Better yet, here's hoping he's more mature than most 27-year-olds. Ugh...
So anyways, today he gave me his phone number, but I didn't call him. I decided to wait it out. So he emailed me again, and asked for my number, and I gave it to him. But I don't think he's checked his messages yet, so maybe I'll hear from him tomorrow.
But I'm keeping it really...chill. Not trying to jump the gun or anything. And I'm gonna make sure when we meet, it's with a group.
I hung out with Bethany all day yesterday and today. She's the only person I've confided in about my online dating scheme. Lol. She teased me of course, but when I told her about Brady and showed her his picture, she agreed, he might be a good one!
Thank God for Bethany! She and I just...click. You know? I mean I really get her, and she really gets me, so there's no need for any pretenses. It's nice. Kind of a relief from the day-to-day actually.

Other than the online thing, I actually met someone last night! He's a friend of Tug's, and we were all out together at an Irish pub last night. Tug told me his friend thought I was hot, and then Bethany introduced us. He's a minor league baseball player, slated to play for the Astros in a year or 2 (which is freakin' awesome cuz I love baseball!), and he's really sweet, and kinda quiet. He's cute too, but unfortunately, like all baseball players, he dips. Ew. But...I guess I'll worry about that later. I gave him my number, and he actually called me today!
We just got off the phone a couple minutes ago actually, and he told me he's gonna be out of town for the week (games in Dallas and Arkansas), but that he wants to take me out to dinner when he gets back. So I said I would love to, and we talked for a little bit before exchanging goodbyes.

So the past couple days have been somewhat exciting! I'm actually able to go for almost a half a day without thinking about Daniel. I think I only really thought about him like 2 or 3 times today. And it was brief, and it didn't make me get too sad. I just keep busy and keep distracted. And I'm very interested in these 2 guys! I'm just gonna date, and try to take things slow, not put all my eggs in one basket, yada yada...
I joined a softball team too. Have I mentioned that?? Brady wants to come to the batting cages with me and "teach me how to hit home-runs." :)
And I just might let him!
Although, maybe Baseball Guy would be better suited for that lesson...

P.S. Does anyone read Bedroom Blog?? If you do, have any of you noticed that all the things that recently happened to me, are now happening to K.?? Is that weird or what?? You know, NB being an early-intense-relationship guy?? SOOOO Daniel! And I mean...she's fictional!
Weird...

The Replacement

The first thing that I need to bring to your attention, is a certain comment I received, that had me reeling after I read it. If you could all please go look at my last post, in the comments, and read the one anonymous comment on there, in which someone PRETENDED to be the other Peyton, whom I have decided to call WTP (White Trash Peyton).
Seriously!? Wtf. I dunno who you are, but get a fucking life. For real. I know that you're not her, because I'm not a complete idiot and I don't divulge everything in this blog. So I hope you don't think you were super clever and/or imaginative by coming up with that. That's all I am going to say.
And now, a little insight into WTP (the real girl, not the fake comment person).
Alyssa and I both got off work at 9 tonight, and we decided to hang out afterwards, since neither of us have really seen each other, or talked much in the past couple weeks. So we went across the street, where one of Daniel's friends, Carl, was waiting tables, so we could chat in a low key environment, and say hi to Carl.
I met Carl when Daniel and I first started dating, and he was definitely my favorite out of all Daniel's friends. So we get along really well, and I actually enjoy hanging out with him.
Anyways, Alyssa and I talked some more about Daniel (she brought it up!), and she told me that she's concerned he might be getting into drugs. Like...serious drugs. She said he hasn't really been completely honest with everyone, and he's been shady with his friends, shady with his family, shady with me... Something just isn't adding up. There is something going on with him, other than WTP. And Alyssa is also speculating that maybe WTP is part of the reason for this change. Maybe she's supplying him with the drugs? I dunno. But Alyssa told me all about the night she met WTP, and she basically told me that WTP is trashy, unattractive and tactless. She's chunky, with bleach blonde, fried hair, and she dresses really trashy. Alyssa said she had on a cropped tank top, and her belly was totally hanging out over her pants! EW!
She also, apparently, lacks any and all social skills (i.e. RUDE), and was recently fired from her job for telling off a customer. Sounds like a real winner, huh!?
On the one hand, I can't help but feel elated by his obvious downgrade.
But on the other hand, I can't help but feel shocked, taken aback, and just devastated that he would dump me for the likes of her.
And I'm positive he cheated on me with her, because he introduced her as his...not girlfriend, but...you know, whatever, to Carl 2 days before he actually broke up with me. Which means he must have been hanging out with her that whole weekend that Sophie and Brent were here. Which confirms my suspicions and worries about him being MIA that whole time.
((sigh))
And I am really starting to get it together now. I don't feel that constant sinking feeling anymore. That feeling like I'm being dragged down...like I'm treading water with an anvil tied to my ankle. I don't feel like that anymore. I'm mostly happy, and starting to fall back into the groove of just being a happy, independent, single girl again. But I do get these sudden waves of sorrow, and regret, which usually lead to outbursts of tears.
And the thing that really sucks, is that as much as I hate him for what he did to me, and as much as I wish I could just tell him off, and tell him he's a lying sack of shit and I hope he gets syphilis, I'm worried about him! Because I still love him and care about him underneath it all, and I don't want anything bad to happen to him.
And it makes me so mad that this one stupid chick could be dragging him down with her. I hope he gets bored with her soon! I mean I'm not saying that I'm the one for him or anything, but I know he can do better than WTP!!
I don't even know why I care so much. He's a douchebag, and he probably deserves whatever's coming to him.
But anyway...Alyssa and I had a good time tonight. It just felt like things were back to normal between her and I. We could talk about anything, and I didn't feel like I was walking on eggshells. So it was nice.
And now I am exhausted, so I'm going to sleep.

Learning To Cope

So as you all know, my day started out horribly. I came home, laid in bed and cried for the better part of the day. I mean I just couldn't stop. It was like the levee had finally broken, and I just couldn't stop the flood. ((sigh))
But in a way, it was a relief to finally get it out of my system. I talked to Jenna about it on the phone, and she made me feel a little better... Something I forgot to mention earlier; the girl he cheated on me with
1) is UGLY, and
2) HAS MY FUCKING NAME!!!!
WTF?!? NOT that many people have the name Peyton, but of course, she has to have it. Ugh. I hate her. And I hate him even more.

Anyways, I eventually cried myself to sleep. But I had to get up all too soon because I had a photoshoot scheduled at 5.
I almost canceled it, because my eyes were practically swollen shut, and I wasn't sure I'd be able to stop sobbing long enough to be seen in public, but I thought to myself, No. I have to go about my life, and move on eventually. And photography is what I love, and I'm gonna do it because it makes me happy.
And I did! And the shoot went great! My model was a girl who came into the bar a couple weeks ago, and she has this beautifully unique, exotic look to her. And I just gave her my business card and asked if she'd be interested in modeling. And we had so much fun! I'm uploading the pix right now, and so far they all look great.
After the shoot, I called Cecilia. It had been a while since we'd hung out, and I was in need of some serious girl time. So I picked up some takeout, and headed straight to her house.
On my drive over to Cecilia's, Alyssa texted me...for the first time since Daniel and I broke up. She's been oddly distant lately, and I was starting to get the feeling she was avoiding me, because she didn't wanna talk about Daniel. Which, on the one hand, I can understand, but on the other hand, she's one of my best friends, and I really could use some support right about now. So she asked me what was wrong, and I said nothing, and then she said, "Are you upset about Daniel?"
Me: Of course I'm upset about Daniel! That fucker cheated on me! And we don't have to talk about it, I know you don't want to. I'm just so mad at myself, and so humiliated. But he seriously broke my heart and I don't know how I could've let that happen. Please don't say I told you so.
Alyssa: Yea, I figured. Do you know who it was with??
Me: Another chick named PEYTON!!! Please don't say anything to him about this.
Alyssa: Ohh, eww! How'd you find out?? I won't say anything.
Me: Who is she??? You know her?????
Alyssa: She works with him... If it makes you feel better, she's totally NOT cute. Yea, I met her once...it was last week, we went to the icehouse and she was there. I was annoyed after that and left. She was all cracked out.
Me: Well he's totally fucking her and definitely didn't waste any time, and it makes me sick.
Alyssa: How'd you find out??
Me: Resources... It doesn't matter. I seriously feel like puking.
Alyssa: Either way, you shouldn't let it get to you this much. I just have never seen you like this before...
Me: Well...he totally fucking had me. I mean I completely let myself fall for him. I dunno what I was thinking. He made such a fool out of me. I hate him. I dunno what I'll do if I ever run into him.

That was pretty much the end of our conversation, but it felt so good to finally tell Alyssa everything that was on my mind about Daniel. I always feel weird talking to her when it comes to him. ((sigh))
Anyways, I got to Cecilia's and we had the best time. There's nothing like a happy baby to cheer you up! Presley is getting so big, and so beautiful! And she's all smiles. I absolutely love her. I stayed over there from 7 till 12:30. We played with the baby most of the time, and then watched Family Guy till Cecilia got tired. It was really nice catching up with her. I was able to vent all I wanted about Daniel, and she just listened, and took my side, and offered advice and input, like a best friend should. I really miss her. I wish I could see her and Presley more often. I'm definitely gonna try to do that, at least once every 2 weeks.
So as miserable as my day started out, it ended well. And I'm kind of glad I know about Daniel now, because it made me realize that a part of me was still waiting for his email, hoping maybe we'd get back together. But now that I know what a lying, cheating, scumball, sleazy, sack of shit he is, I don't want anything to do with him.
I am gonna see him tomorrow, when his company comes into my work for their happy hour party.
And I still don't know how I'm going to react.
But whatever I decide to do, I'm gonna make sure I look drop dead gorgeous doin' it.

Cheated.

Daniel already has a new girlfriend. Who he cheated on me with.
Why didn't I see this coming? How could I let my guard down like that??
He wrote her this on myspace:

"Here is something I found that I thought was interesting!

Taurus Man & Pisces Woman
This is a strong match that has a very good chance of turning into real, lasting love. You are both passionate people who feel deeply about things, so you complement each other well in this area. You also share a passionate romantic side that will keep you both interested and attracted to each other. While you are sometimes a little bit quirky and volatile, you will be happier and more even-tempered in a relationship with a Taurus boy. He also provides you with a stability and strength that balances you and makes you feel more secure. The one drawback in this relationship for you is that he’s not the most considerate guy, and you will find he can be a little insensitive to your feelings and needs sometimes.
*******
This is something I need to work on...I thought this was kinda of an eye opener after what happen last night, sorry babe! =( With your compassion I can overcome it! ;)
*******
However, if everything else is strong, this shouldn’t be a make-or-break problem. All in all, it’s a strong match that will be very good for you. Taurus boy's loves Pisces girl's innate capacity for passion and understanding. While he wears his strength on his sleeve, you choose to take the iron-fist in the velvet-glove approach, which is far more effective in the long haul. Respect his need to be grounded, and a potentially wonderful match is yours.
~Daniel~
p.s.
Famous Couples: Enrique Iglesias (Taurus) and Jennifer Love Hewitt (Pisces); Cindy Crawford (Pisces) and Rande Gerber (Taurus)HAHAHAHAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyways I already miss you and Ill send more love soon!!!
Xoxoxoxox"

I was at the hair salon when I found out, and my heart just...stopped when I read that. And I finally cried. The whole drive home. In fact, I was crying so hard, I couldn't breathe, and I had to pull over.

He just broke my heart.

How Much Longer?

I can't listen to music anymore.
Every song makes me think of him, or reminds me of him.

I flinch every time someone says his name.

My mom and I went and looked at some apartments today, and she really wanted to stop and eat at this one particular restaurant, which happens to be right across the street from his work. I almost had a panic attack. Seriously. My heart was racing, and my breaths were coming fast and shallow.

What is wrong with me?!

I hate feeling like he's angry with me, for any reason. It's unsettling.
And I miss him so much, that it's killing me.

Why won't he just email me, like last time.
Why won't he just miss me?

I don't know how much longer I can stand this before I start to come apart.

All The Missing Pieces...

So Tuesday night, I sent Daniel one last email, just to let him know I was gonna need my stuff back...again.
This is what it said:

((sigh))
Well, it seems we're back to this again. I left a few things over at your place. A purple bag in the bathroom, a couple movies, and my ghostland cd. So I guess, go ahead and bag it up. I'll have Alyssa pick it up or something.
Hope your week gets better.
-Peyton

I knew he wouldn't get it till at least the next day, when he got to work, but when I woke up the next morning, I already had my response.

"yeah cause im really sure thats what she wants to do. pick your shit up!"

WTF??? WHY did he have to give me such a rude response?? I didn't reply.
I was venting to Bethany on the phone about it, and she offered to get my stuff. She said I should tell Daniel that she would like nothing more than to go get my stuff, actually. Lol. Of course, I didn't tell him that. I didn't tell him anything at all.
Yesterday afternoon, I sent Whitney a text, asking him if he was gonna be home in the evening. He said yes, and I asked him if he would mind handing over my things to Bethany.
Then he called me.

"What stuff did you leave here?" He asked.
"Just some movies, and a CD and some stuff. Daniel should have it all packed up in a bag. I asked him 2 days ago."
"Well...I don't see a bag anywhere. I mean...a lot of shit's been moved around since the last time you've been here." I could hear him digging around.
"Oh. Well...Bethany should be coming over in the next couple of hours. Maybe you should just call Daniel and ask him where it is." I suggested.
"Ok, I guess I will then. Just let me know when she's on her way."
"Ok no problem."

As soon as I got off the phone with Whitney, Bethany called.
"Hey I'm almost there!" She said.
"Already?? Ok, well I gotta call Whitney and let him know."
"Alright, I'll just call you when I get there."

So I called Whitney back.

"Hey, I'm not seeing any of your stuff..." He said as soon as he picked up the phone.
"Seriously?? Cuz Bethany is already on her way over there - Oh shit! - Did you call Daniel?"
"Yea, why?"
"Cuz he's calling me right now!" I started to panic.
"Well answer it!" He urged.
"NO! I don't wanna talk to him!" I said, my voice rising an octave.
"Just talk to him." Whitney demanded.
"Fine." I huffed as I clicked over.

"Hello?"
"It's Daniel."
"I know."
"Ok, well Bethany is not picking up your stuff. If you want your stuff, you can come over and get it." His words spilled out as if he was hissing them.
"Um, well Bethany lives a lot closer to you than I do-"
"I don't care! You can set aside a time to come pick it up, or I can bring it to you, but I don't want some strange person going through my apartment looking for your stuff. I haven't even had a chance to get it all together yet." He snapped.
I was so taken aback by his reaction, I didn't know what to say.
"...okayyyyy..." I stammered.
((click))

He hung up on me! WTF?! I didn't even get a chance to tell him that Bethany was already there. I huffed and began dialing Whitney's number.

"He practically yelled at me, and then he hung up on me!" I complained when he answered.
"Hi Peyton!" Bethany called from the background.
I gave Whitney the gist of our conversation, and he agreed with me that Daniel was acting just a little psycho.
"Well, I'll just tell you where my stuff is, and you can hand it to Bethany." I compromised.
"Nah, just talk to her." He said and handed her the phone.

It took us all of 5 minutes for her to gather my things and leave, before she passed the phone back to Whitney. Then he sat there on the phone with me and went on and on about how if Daniel really was the one, I would know, and things wouldn't be so difficult, and I wouldn't have to try so hard, bla bla bla...
Finally when he said he never exactly saw Daniel giving me "googoo eyes" I had to interject.
"Ok, are you trying to make me feel better or worse??"
"Why? Am I making you feel worse? I wasn't trying-"
"I just don't wanna think about it." I interrupted.
"Yea, I understand..." He said, before going off on another tangent.
In the end, I had to feign another call to get off the phone with him. ((sigh)) It was awful.
And now I'm sure Daniel is pissed off at me, on top of everything else.

I just wanted to get my stuff sooner, rather than later, and not drag everything out, like last time. ((sigh))

I went and saw Sex & The City alone tonight after work. Daniel had been promising to take me. He actually wanted to see it. And let me tell ya, there is nothing more depressing than going to a movie alone. Especially that movie. Too much about couples, and breaking up and getting back together... I was trying not to think about Daniel.
Mission failed.

Comfortably Numb

Today has been long.
And gruelling.
I went out last night with Bethany for Tug's birthday. I figured it would be a good idea to get out of the house and take my mind off things, and well, drink away my sorrows. Evan met us at the bar, and I must have had a decent time, because I don't remember much. Evan had to drive me home last night, because I was so tanked. He ended up just driving me to his place since I live so far. I was puking my guts out the whole way home, and I paid for it all day today. I woke up with the world's worst hangover, and nothing to do all day except think about Daniel.
I'm so lucky to have my friends. I talked to Melissa on the phone for a long time, and she always makes me feel better. And Bethany picked me up and drove me to my car this afternoon. And then of course, Evan took care of me last night when I was practically incapacitated. Ugh... I am never going to do that again. I don't even know how it happened. I wasn't even in much of a sociable mood. I just...didn't wanna think. About anything. So I drank. Wayyyyy too much. It's 2am the next night, and I still feel sick. I've been in bed reading and watching TV all day.
I still feel kind of...numb about the whole Daniel situation. I haven't even really cried about it yet. I guess I'm still waiting for it all to hit. Or maybe I'm just numb because I was kind of expecting this to happen. ((sigh))
The thing that just drives me crazy though, is that he's out with Alyssa and his ex-gf from Cali right now. The ex who he complained to me so much about. And now he's hanging out with her, conveniently enough, the day after we break up. I dunno, maybe you wouldn't really call her an ex. They went to high school together, but never talked. She contacted him via myspace, and I guess they just talked on the phone for a month, and then she flew down from Cali for a week in March. And as soon as she left, he and I got together. But he told me she was crazy, and stalkerish and all this crap. So I dunno...
Right now I'm just so whatever about everything. I don't wanna care about anything. I especially don't wanna care about him.

Commitophobia

Daniel broke up with me today. He never called me yesterday. Or today. Finally I gave in and called him around 7.
He gave me most of the same excuses as before.
Overwhelmed with work, his daughter, stressed about Whitney moving in...etc.
We actually talked for a while, and he finally told me, "I just can't handle a serious relationship right now."
And the whole time we were talking, I was uncharacteristically calm and detached. I didn't get choked up or emotional. But I'm still waiting for it all to hit me.
He hinted at maybe "taking things slow", but I just can't put myself through that again. I won't. I just wanna forget him. It's the easiest thing for me to do in the long run.
He doesn't wanna be in a relationship.
I do.
And I guess maybe I knew, all along, in the back of my mind, that things never could work out between Daniel and I. But I did love him. I still do. And it's going to be hard. But I don't want to let myself get sucked under again. I can't afford to let myself get that depressed again. I just don't have the emotional capacity for it.

So after we got off the phone, I took a deep breath, and wrote a text message to Todd.

Me: Hey Todd...
Todd: Peyton! What's up?
Me: Um...a lot of stuff actually. Crazy weird stuff.
Todd: Like?
Me: Uh...lol. I kind of feel weird telling you this.
Todd: Well you don't have to tell me.
Me: I know, but it keeps coming back to haunt me.
Todd: Ok tell me then.
Me: A while back, when I asked you if you had ever thought of me, as more than a friend, I wasn't just asking you that out of curiosity. And I don't know where you and Lisa (his girlfriend) stand now, but I just...feel like I should tell you that I still think about you often, and I wonder... What if??
Me: You don't have to respond to that either. Just so you know...

Then I waited.
And waited...
And waited.

Finally a response.
"Peyton. That is very flattering. I have thought about it as well, at times in the past. All I can say is that I am completely in love with Laura."

((sigh))

I'm such an idiot.
Who am I kidding?? I want Daniel, as bad as he may be for me, or as wrong as we may be together, I love him.

And the guy I should be with, is in love with someone else too.

Conflicted

Since Sophie and Brent here, things have been pretty hectic! They're sleeping in my bedroom, so I haven't really had access to my computer. The other odd thing I've noticed is, Daniel has been pretty much MIA all weekend! I mean, I know he has his daughter this weekend, and I'm sure she's been keeping him preoccupied, but...he hasn't even called! And I had mentioned something to him about having dinner with Sophie and Brent and that he could bring Delilah. But I never heard back from him. So I didn't call him, cuz I figured it was his turn to call.
On Saturday night, we had some family and close friends over for dinner and drinks so that everyone could finally meet Brent. Todd and his family were there, since we've known them since I was in grade school. Every time I see Todd it's like...he takes my breath away. I can't really explain it. I mean he's just too perfect to be real it seems. And he and his girlfriend recently broke up, and I can't deny the fact that he has been constantly in the back of my mind lately. But since everything with Daniel, I've been kind of preoccupied with that. And now I can't help but wonder, what if Daniel and hadn't gotten back together? Would I have had a chance with Todd? Would I even be ready to take that chance?? Because some part of me believes that if I ever started dating Todd, I'd fall madly in love with him and never want anyone else. And the whole idea of that kind of scares me. Plus, he's younger than me, and still in school, and super busy with football... ((sigh)) I dunno, maybe I'm just in denial because I'm afraid.
But, like I said, this has all just been in the back of my head. Daniel has been in the front. And I think about him nonstop. Wondering what he's doing, why he hasn't called, and should I start trying to play hard to get again? I dunno! It's driving me crazy!
So the end of Sunday rolled around... Me and the family had been in New Braunfels at Schlitterbahn all day, which was a blast! And I gave in and decided to call Daniel on my way home. He answered the phone, and said he was watching a movie with Delilah, his mom, and Whitney, so I asked him if he wanted me to let him go. He said yea, and he'd call me back.
Well 2 more hours go by and I still haven't heard from him! So I called him again. I argued with myself about calling him, because I didn't wanna seem annoying but...he's my boyfriend! I should be able to talk to my boyfriend once in 3 days, right!? Whitney answered the phone. Ugh...
"Hey, is Daniel around?" I asked.
"Yea, he's in his room with 4 girls though, I'll go get him." He joked.
"Ha. Ha." I said.
Then finally Daniel came to the phone. I tried to sound cheerful and light, so he wouldn't know anything was bothering me. I asked him about his weekend, and told him about my day at Schlitterbahn.
"Yea, you sound really tired." He said.
"Yea...I mean I've been out in the sun all day, and I worked last night, so I guess I am kinda tired." I said.
"Well you should get some rest. Do you want me to call you tomorrow?"
Was he trying to get rid of me??
"Are you working tomorrow?" I hedged.
"No, I'm off the next 2 days."
"Well how long will you have Delilah?"
"Till 4 tomorrow. Want me to call you when I wake up?" He asked again.
"Sure." I said, secretly crestfallen. I was hoping he'd at least mention something about missing me. But maybe he's just not a phone person.
"Ok, I'll talk to you tomorrow." He said.
And that was it.

As I lay there, trying to fall asleep, my thoughts drifted back to Todd, and my brain began rattling off comparisons. How Todd would never blow me off like that, and how perfect he is... But then I couldn't help but thinking how helplessly addicted I am to Daniel, and how all I want is for him to feel the same.
((sigh))

It's 4 o'clock on Monday. He still hasn't called.

Moving Day

The rest of Monday night was bittersweet. After Whitney finally left, Daniel asked me what was wrong.

I tried explaining how I felt about Whitney being an asshole to me just for the hell of it, but he says I do the same thing to Whitney. ((sigh)) We got into a little argument because of that, but we talked it out, which was really nice. And then we drank an entire bottle of rum, and had wild passionate sex.

No, seriously. Lol.

It was AWESOME. Hahaha.



So Tuesday, Daniel tells me we need to go to his leasing office to pick up a copy of his contract. The U-Haul store won't let them get a truck unless you have a major credit card, which they'll put a $75 hold on, or if you're paying cash, they need a passport, or legal contract, or some kind of collateral. Oh, and guess what!? Daniel has to rent the truck because Whitney doesn't have a valid driver's license. Because he can't get it renewed. Because he has warrants. (@#$!$^!#&^%$%$@%^*&^!!!!) <---- That is how I feel about that. Whitney is 31 years old!!! GROW UP ALREADY!!! UGGGGHHHH!!

So, once again, everything is up to Daniel to take care of. And since he wanted to pay cash, he needed to get a copy of his lease. Well, we head over there around noon, and for some reason, they couldn't give him a copy because the broker still hadn't signed it! Daniel was really frustrated about that. So he calls Whitney to tell him. And we were sitting in my car in the parking lot, and I could hear everything Whitney was saying. And guess what that fucker had the audacity to say!?

"Well, does Peyton have a credit card we could use?"

YEA. FUCKIN. RIGHT. Like I am going to be financially responsible for his loser ass because he doesn't have any money or a driver's license to rent the van himself!? HA! Daniel didn't know I could hear what Whitney was saying though, and all he replied was "I don't know."

At least he didn't ask me.

So then we drove over to Public Storage to try and rent one from them. That was a bust too because Daniel doesn't have car insurance, only motorcycle insurance. And I could tell that he was starting to get frustrated with Whitney. I mean what an ungrateful bastard, making Daniel do all this work just because he's an irresponsible boob who can't pay his bills. Ugh...it sickens me. Really.

So we drove back to the leasing office to see if the broker was in. As luck would have it, he was able to get the copy of his contract, and we just barely had time to go over and pick up the truck before I had to go to work.

So we spent the entire 2 days that Daniel had off- 2 days that we could have used to do things we actually wanted to do - running around taking care of shit for Whitney, that he should have taken care of himself.

When I got back from work Tuesday night, at like 3 am, they weren't even back yet! Whitney brought a girl friend over to "help them move" and they were drinking while they did it, which naturally made it take twice as long as it should have. So Daniel got like...4 hours of sleep last night before he had to get up and get ready for work. I am so completely disgusted by this whole situation.
I'm secretly hoping that living with Whitney will make Daniel open his eyes and realize what a selfish, inconsiderate jerk Whitney really is, and then maybe we won't have to hang out with him so much. Is that so evil of me that I don't want them to be friends?? ((sigh))

Well, I'm off to the airport to pick up Sophie and Brent! This weekend's going to be a busy one!

Me, Daniel and Dupree

Sorry it's been so long since I've written! Once again, I haven't been home in about a week. Things with Daniel and I are going great. We almost have a little routine worked out. I hang out at his place when he's working, then we eat together, then I go to work. And on my nights off, we watch movies, or take the bike out. And on his days off, we usually just do whatever tickles our fancy. But not this week.
Daniel has this friend...his name is Whitney. Actually, they're "best friends". And I pretty much can't stand Whitney! My first impression of him is that he's an insufferable know-it-all and he constantly puts in his two cents where it's not wanted. Not to mention he thinks wayyyy too highly of himself. So naturally, we butted heads quite a bit in the beginning. But I started to get used to him, and actually, he even started to grow on me a bit. But he will always be one of those people who,
A) I can only handle in small doses. and
B) I can't be with alone, or one of us will end up getting hurt.
But I tolerate him for Daniel's sake because...well because they're "best friends." Now, I'm sure you've all noticed that I've been putting "best friends" in quotes. And that is because, while they both say that they're "best friends", it seems to be a pretty one-sided relationship to me. And I'm about to illustrate that.
Whitney got evicted from his apartment on Saturday. Guess why??? Because he hasn't been paying his utilities bill for an entire freakin' year!! Who just does that?!?! I mean what was he expecting would happen?!?! So he got evicted, and Daniel, being a nice guy offered to let him stay with him for a little while, till he found his own place and got back on his feet. So poor Daniel (and I!) spent all day Sunday moving everything out of Delilah's room, and rearranging furniture, etc., to make room for all Whitney's crap. ((sigh)) And it wasn't exactly fun. And Daniel has been stressing out because he's worried about how this is all going to affect Delilah, now that she has no room of her own. Granted, she does sleep in Daniel's bed with him when she's over (she gets scared), but still... I understand why he's worried.
So anyways, Monday rolls around and both of us had the day off. I had to go home and take care of some things during the day, because Sophie and Brent are coming into town tomorrow. I'm so excited to see them!!! But when I finished running errands, I went back over to Daniel's to help him and Whitney out. Whitney was supposed to be bringing over some furniture in his truck. But when I get there, they're both just sitting on the couch talking! Most of Delilah's things had been boxed up and set aside, so I could tell Daniel had been doing most of the work, but none of Whitney's stuff was there.
"What have you guys been doing?" I asked.
"Well, I just got off work a couple hours ago, and I'm still packing up boxes at my house. But I'm about to make a couple trips now." Whitney said.
But he didn't seem eager to get to work on anything. And they continued their conversation. I sat down on the couch next to Daniel and pulled my book out of my backpack.
"Omg, is that an Incubus sticker on your backpack?" Whitney asked.
"Yea..." I said.
He immediately started laughing, and made some snide comment about how they were a shitty corporate band. Of course I defended them, since they're one of my favorite bands of all time!
"They are not!" I said, "And I've been listening to them since S.C.I.E.N.C.E came out, so I don't care how "trendy" they are now."
"Oh right...that's what everybody says! 'I've been listening to them since the beginning!'" He said in a mocking tone.
I rolled my eyes, and opened my book, trying to ignore him.
But then he started in on Panic! At The Disco, another band that I really happen to like. And he kept singing a really bad version of the chorus line in I Write Sins Not Tragedies, and saying, "How does it go Peyton?? Sing it for me! Haha!" And he just wouldn't quit. It's like he says things, thinking that they're soooo funny, but he never knows when to stop! And it goes past teasing, into just being mean. Ya know what I mean? It's like he's trying as hard as he can just to piss me off. And I hate to give him that satisfaction, but it usually works. So I was getting really annoyed by this point, but I continued pretending to read. All the while I'm thinking, this is what I'm gonna have to deal with every time I come over here now. Ugh...
So finally I say, "Um, Whitney? Weren't you just going to go make a trip to get some of your stuff?"
"Oh yea...I need to get started on that." He replies.
And then what does he do??? He pops in a movie.
Yea.
WTF?!!
((Sigh))
So I sit there and watch Beowulf with them, as I get more and more annoyed.

He ended up never bringing anything over Monday night. Daniel only has Monday and Tuesday off. So guess what we got to do Tuesday??
Try to get a U-Haul.
That's a whole other story, which I'll get to, I promise. But now, just writing about Whitney is making me angry...