Daniel broke up with me today. He never called me yesterday. Or today. Finally I gave in and called him around 7.
He gave me most of the same excuses as before.
Overwhelmed with work, his daughter, stressed about Whitney moving in...etc.
We actually talked for a while, and he finally told me, "I just can't handle a serious relationship right now."
And the whole time we were talking, I was uncharacteristically calm and detached. I didn't get choked up or emotional. But I'm still waiting for it all to hit me.
He hinted at maybe "taking things slow", but I just can't put myself through that again. I won't. I just wanna forget him. It's the easiest thing for me to do in the long run.
He doesn't wanna be in a relationship.
And I guess maybe I knew, all along, in the back of my mind, that things never could work out between Daniel and I. But I did love him. I still do. And it's going to be hard. But I don't want to let myself get sucked under again. I can't afford to let myself get that depressed again. I just don't have the emotional capacity for it.
So after we got off the phone, I took a deep breath, and wrote a text message to Todd.
Me: Hey Todd...
Todd: Peyton! What's up?
Me: Um...a lot of stuff actually. Crazy weird stuff.
Me: Uh...lol. I kind of feel weird telling you this.
Todd: Well you don't have to tell me.
Me: I know, but it keeps coming back to haunt me.
Todd: Ok tell me then.
Me: A while back, when I asked you if you had ever thought of me, as more than a friend, I wasn't just asking you that out of curiosity. And I don't know where you and Lisa (his girlfriend) stand now, but I just...feel like I should tell you that I still think about you often, and I wonder... What if??
Me: You don't have to respond to that either. Just so you know...
Then I waited.
Finally a response.
"Peyton. That is very flattering. I have thought about it as well, at times in the past. All I can say is that I am completely in love with Laura."
I'm such an idiot.
Who am I kidding?? I want Daniel, as bad as he may be for me, or as wrong as we may be together, I love him.
And the guy I should be with, is in love with someone else too.