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Monday, October 5, 2009

Fresh Start

We talked. I laid out everything for him. I asked him if he was still considering getting back together.
He said yes.
So I told him that I wanted to take it really slow and get to know each other better as friends, because I can't trust him with my heart right now. And I told him I'd be willing to put the past behind me, and forgive him, if and only if, he would completely stop talking to those 2 girls. And he said ok.
Simple as that.
"Ok."
I almost can't believe he agreed to it so readily.
Bethany says that means he cares a lot more about me than them. I guess she's right.
I asked him about the girls. I didn't tell him I went through his phone, but I asked him about them. What his relationship was with them. He said he spent some time with them, got to know them and "they're nobody". Those were his exact words.
"They're nobody."
((Sigh))
So. Here we go.
I realized that I really don't know how to be Brandon's friend. But I want to learn. And I want him to learn how to be mine.
After our conversation, Brandon said he needed to go, had errands to run, etc. But then he stayed another 20 minutes. Said he had to go again...stayed another 20 minutes. It was obvious that he didn't want to leave. But I had errands to run too, so we both left at the same time. He gave me a hug goodbye and that was it.
As for everything else...I like to think that I'm starting fresh.
And on that note, let me just lay down the law here for a second.
When I write this blog, I'm writing for brain clarity, reflection, venting, enjoyment...lots of reasons. But keep in mind, these are MY THOUGHTS. And obviously, they're not always pure, or right, and obviously not everyone is going to agree with them. And feel free to disagree! But don't judge. No one has that right.
Because when this blog stops being enjoyable, I'll stop writing.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey! Glad you are taking it slow! Every girl has gone through this in one form or another. So fuck the haters! :)

Autumn said...

This seems like a mistake to me...please be careful and protect yourself!

Robin said...

dude, i totally know where you coming from. i'm sort of going through the same. everyone says its not healthy, but i feel differently.

Anonymous said...

peyton you have to do what you have to do to make yourself happy. that is the first abd foremost important thing. dont worry about what people think because they dont know what will make you happy in the long run. that being sad, i hope brandon can be true to you this time around- you def deserve it! thanks for sharing your thoughts with us and good luck with everything!!!! :)

~a*

Livin' Life said...

You have to follow your heart even if it means it could get broken again....I look at it this way, you can give it a shot and see what happens or you can spend the rest of your life regretting and wondering about what might have been....kudos to you for taking a chance, just be careful considering the history with B.

Anonymous said...

Good for you, take your time and get to know each other...and ignore those who are judging you...I love reading youre blog and hearing about places here in Houston..I might actually try some of those bars :)

Anonymous said...

i think that taking things slow and getting to know him better is def the way to go. just make sure to keep with what you've said about being friends for now b.c i know from experience that it's easy to say that then fall back into seeing each other every day and staying the night every night. good luck :o)

Anonymous said...

I think you are doing a good thing here and if you still love him and he is willing to take things slow then go for it. I hope it works out you seem so much happier with him. ANd I would have totally called those girls sluts, when my ex broke up with me every girl he was with I thought was a slut so just keep writting what you fell and those people who don't like it can stop reading.

Ashley said...

I hate it when females are like "Don't call other girls sluts, it only degrades all females...no wonder we can't all be friends" blah blah blah. Feel free to call them sluts, whores, slores, dirty pieces of trash, whatever you feel like calling them. This is your blog which means your rules. If the others don't like you calling them sluts then have them go read "Fairies and Rainbows with the Women we Love" over on iVillage.

Good luck with Brandon. I hope it works out this time. If not, at least you followed your heart...which is more than most can say.

Anonymous said...

I have been where you are. and I can't say what I think would be the right way to go. I stayed and we have been together for 10 years. Its was really really hard. it broke me in ways i didn't know i could break. I think if you love him and you think you could ride it out through all the bumps go for it. BUt it will be hard. At times even now, when we are happy and seems like we have finally gotten to where we need to be, i wonder if i should have just let him go and saved my heart from alot of pain.

The only advice i would offer you is don't forget to think of yourself. YOU have to keep ahold of yourself and not get lost in the craziness of this relationship.

Good Luck