Tuesday, October 13, 2009

New Horizons

Well, our dinner date was definitely still on. Brandon just had a lot of stuff going on during the day. As for his drinking Saturday night, he told me he just had a really great time at the wedding! And...that's it! So I can't really judge, I mean... I've been known to have a good time and get drunk myself.
So anyways, Brandon came over around 8:30, groceries in tow, and he got right down to business! He made pasta with a homemade meat sauce, complete with ground turkey, fresh mushrooms and tomatoes, and spices. It was soooo good! We also had garlic croissants, and for dessert, he brought over Ben & Jerry's Cinnamon Buns, which is now my favorite ice cream of all time!
After we ate, we settled down on the couch, and watched Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. To be honest, I was surprised he chose that movie, seeing as it's a total chick flick, and it didn't get the greatest ratings. But I love Jennifer Garner, so I still liked it. And it was kind of fitting. I mean, a guy who's afraid of falling in love, realizes he's been wasting his life having fun, and sleeping around... And then one day, he wakes up and realizes what he's truly been missing out on.
After the movie, we went to bed. And we talked.
First, he asked me about my Facebook. He doesn't have a Facebook, and apparently some people have asked him about me, and my status updates. They were pretty depressing at times, I suppose. I assured him that I had never written anything bad about him, and told him he was welcome to look! So I showed it to him. And he read one of my notes. And it was just a note about...being alone. I watched his reaction as he read it, and I could tell he genuinely felt...sad.
"You have alone issues, don't you?" He asked.
"Maybe...but you have commitment issues!" I said.
He sighed.
"Peyton, you're not alone. And no matter what happens between us, I will always be here, if you ever need someone."
He took my hand, and we just laid there, in the dark for a while.
Then we talked about our lives, and what we want. I told him that it's not necessarily a husband I'm searching for, it's companionship. It's not being alone, that I'm afraid of, it's ending up alone. I mean, I see what Sophie and Brent have, and they are like best friends, who do everything together, travel the world... And I want that.
"Aren't you ever afraid of being alone?" I asked him.
"No, but I'm alone all the time."
"No, I mean, don't you want somebody there for you at the end?"
"Well, yea...." He said, "I just...how do you know, when you're ready for that?"
"You just know." I said, and I thought to myself that I know, because as soon as I realized I was tired of this bar industry, and ready to have a real job, and get my own house, that I'm ready to settle down. But that's something Brandon is going to have to figure out on his own.
"Well you'll get that, Peyton. I know you will." He said.
There's just a part of me that really wants that with him. But we have a long way to go. And we're taking it slow. Which is the best thing for right now.
I vented to him a little about my work situation, too. I mean, I feel so stuck!
"You're not stuck." He said.
"Yes, I am! I can't quit, because I don't have enough money saved up right now, and...I have to find another job first! So now I'm looking for not just one job, but two!" I huffed.
"It's all gonna be okay. Just...think positive. Everything will work itself out." He said.
"You sound so sure..." I said.
"Because I am sure." He said.
I rolled over and sighed, and Brandon put his arm around me.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"Yea. I'm okay." I said.
And we went to sleep, wrapped in each other's arms.

This morning, I got up and made us cinnamon rolls. We ate quickly, and then we both left, cuz I had to take my mom to physical therapy. I sent him a text message after he left that said, "Thanks for dinner! It was really good!"
And he wrote back, "You're welcome. I really enjoyed our time together last night."

After my piano lesson, I went over to Mark's house to meet up with Summer, Ben, and Mike for food and football. Mark makes the most amazing mashed potatoes! And he grilled steaks and asparagus. All in all, a delicious meal, 2 nights in a row! Afterwards, we played pool, and drank wine, and discussed what we're gonna start doing with our Sundays, now that Mark put the boat to rest for the season. We had a cold front come through this week, and next weekend is supposed to be cool as well. So no more boat trips. :(
We have yet to figure out what we're gonna do. Lol.

So, I do have some news on the job front! Mark, from my old job called me today. He asked me if I wanted to come back! And I said, well...yes! But I told him I wasn't sure if Mr. P. and Blinn would go for it. But he said he's gonna talk to them, and he asked me if working with Brandon would be a problem. I told him most likely not, I mean, we're getting along now and trying to be friends. But I also told him I didn't wanna push my luck, and it would probably be best if we didn't work side by side, and he said of course, and that wouldn't be a problem. So now I just have to wait to hear back from him and find out what Blinn and Mr. P. say about it. I have to admit, it would a relief to go back to my old bar. I mean, I really miss everybody, and after going somewhere else, I've realized that they really are good people to work for. Probably the best in the Houston bar industry. So we'll see.

After our conversation, I got to thinking about what it would be like working with Brandon again. And I actually kind of started to freak out. Like...what if it screws everything up?? I mean, things are going so well between us right now, and I don't want us working together to ruin it! And what about the way things were before?? I mean, he used to always ignore me at work, and it drove me crazy. He'd say it was cuz he was at work, and he's serious about work yada yada.... But then when we'd go in the back to count money after work, he'd act...distant, and weird. I just don't want to slip back into our old habits again! And working together, it'll just be so...so much like before! This, now, is different. Our situation is different. My situation is different. ((Sigh))
So I talked to Summer about it while we were eating dinner at Mark's.
"He doesn't even work that much! I mean...you guys should be fine. Just ask to work at a different bar." Summer said.
I mean, he does only work like 2 or 3 days a week. So, I might just be freaking out about nothing. But next time Brandon and I hang out, I'm definitely gonna mention it to him. Because this is really important to me. My job, and my relationship with Brandon are important to me. And I don't want either one affecting the other in a negative way. Not again.
But I might just be getting ahead of myself. I haven't even heard from Mark yet. Hopefully he'll get back to me by tomorrow. Sooo...wish me luck!


Robin said...

GOOD LUCK!!! :) :)

Anonymous said...

Going back to your old bar is a good thing. I think it will make you happy. Don't borrow trouble! You and Brandon will be able to adjust to working together agin without falling into your old habits. You just have to have a little faith!! Everything will work out. Stop stressing over the little things you can't control. Good Luck even though I know you don't need it.

Anonymous said...

Brandon probably told them to ask you if you want your job back...