Bear With Me...

Sunday was one of the best days I've had in a looooong time!
First of all, I made bank on Saturday night! I mean, serious bank. And then finally, on Sunday, I was off! WOOHOO!
So Bethany came over around 5 and picked me up after a long morning of sleeping in and relaxing. Then we went up to work to watch football, eat and drink. We smoked on the way there, so we were both extra happy by the time we got there. Haha.
We hung out with some coworkers and regulars and just chilled, but it was so nice to not have to stress out about anything, ya know? And then of course, John showed up. He pretty much always goes up there to watch football on Sundays. Anyway, Mr. S. and Misty showed up around 8, and Gavin and John and us were all sitting at a table with Mr. S.'s roommate and one of his friends. Then Bethany had to leave to go to a movie with Tug. So she brought me back home so I could get my car. But when I got back up to my bar, everybody was gone!
Sierra, one of the waitresses, and now officially Gavin's girlfriend, told me they walked over to the pub down the street. She told me she'd walk over with me as soon as she finished doing her checkout. She and I had never really hung out before, but I get along with pretty much everyone so I figured what the hell! So we walked over there to find Gavin and John playing Buck Hunter. Then Gavin got a call from Blinn saying that he and his brother Don, and Don's girlfriend Christy (who used to date Rusty btw...small world!), and Frank wanted us to come hang out with them at another bar a couple blocks over. So Gavin and John rode with me back to work to close our tabs, and Sierra headed over there.
So, we all met up, the drinking commenced, Blinn pretty much paid for everything! He kept ordering us all shots! Lol. But again, we had a blast, and of course, we ended up back at our bar afterhours.
By this time I was prrrrretty fucked up. And Don was wasted and chasing me around the bar! His girlfriend had left earlier since she had to get up early, and I had never seen Don so drunk in my life. It was kinda weird actually! Well, the details are a little fuzzy, but at one point John and I ended up in the bathroom, in the dark, wrestling. Lol. Which led to more kissing. :)
Then him and 3 other male coworkers ended up over at my apartment... They drank all my booze and ate half my fridge too!! Those bastards... Anyway, John spent the night. He had left his car up at work and ridden with me. I'm not sure why. But there was no more kissing. In fact, we just slept. Didn't even touch! Just like before...how strange. Hm...
So this morning I had to get up and drive him back to his car. He asked me if I liked motorcycles while we were in the car. And he must have already known the answer to that, because I know he's seen me on the back of Daniel's Ducati. ((Longing sigh...)) ANYWAYS, I told him yes. Then he asked if I'd like to go for a ride, and I said, "DUH!"
He has a bike.
HOT.
But I think it's a Harley, not a crotch rocket.
I'm sorry this post is so disjointed by the way... It's just that I'm trying to remember everything that happened, and since I was drunk at the time, it's kind of hard to remember what's important and what isn't. Anyways...

My mom came over this morning and I drove her to the doctor. We were there for a couple of hours. She has to decide by tomorrow if she wants to do chemotherapy or not.
I really don't know what to think! I mean its a 24 week treatment plan, the first 12 weeks of which she'll be tired, nauseated, and puking. Oh, and bald! And there's only a 7% chance it will even work!! Which sucks! But on the other hand, better safe than sorry. It's just...such a major sacrifice! Ugh...
Anyways, my mom and I spent the rest of the day together. We went out for sushi and then did some shopping. It was fun actually. I'm so relieved that my relationship with my mom is getting better. Now that I've moved out, we don't argue about money anymore, and it's just...a better situation all together. I mean, we can actually enjoy each other's company.
She's coming back tomorrow because she has another appointment at the same time. So we're gonna go look at wigs. I think it might be fun actually! Lol.
Bethany and Tugg and I went and saw Choke tonight.
I liked it.
They didn't.
I read the book.
They didn't.
That's my advice.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention! The Boy. Ali's boyfriend's cousin. Lol, that's such a mouthful! I'll call him... TDH. Which stands for, Tall Dark & Handsome. ;)
He texted me all day long! And we have plans to hang out this Thursday night! I'm getting off at 9, and we're gonna go out, get some drinks and get to know each other. He's been asking me question after question after question... It's kind of nice actually! You know, that he actually is interested to know things about me other than what I look like naked.
Omg, Oliver is running in his sleep! SO CUTE!
Haha sorry! Anyways, so I'm really excited about our date on Thursday! I'll keep you guys posted! And again, sorry if this post was confusing or hard to keep up with!

Weighing My Options

I went to the doctor with my mom on Thursday. We were there for about 3 hours. They gave her 2 exams and talked about what her possible options might be; chemotherapy, hormone therapy, surgery, etc... But right now it all depends on how much of the tumor is invasive. And they have to do a biopsy on the invasive component to find out. And if it's more invasive than non-invasive, then she'll definitely have to have chemo. ((sigh)) It's a lot of information. My poor mom hardly understands half of the stuff the doctors say. I took a bunch of notes for her. Two pages worth actually. She has to go back on Monday morning, so she's gonna spend the night here with me, and I'm gonna drive her over. I live a hell of a lot closer to MD Anderson than my parents do, and with all the traffic, it's at least an hour drive for them. So I told her she could spend the night here. I'm off work anyway. So that's the story with that.

Last night, is another story entirely. And a much happier one!
First of all, one of my coworkers, Ali, is dating this guy, and him and his cousin came in last night. And the cousin is HOT. He's 6'4", dark hair, pretty teeth...HOT. And he asked Ali about me, so we chatted a bit, etc etc, and I gave him my number. Before he left, he came to say bye to me, kissed my hand and told me he'd call me later. Lol. And he texted me while we were counting money! :)
Then something weird happened. Remember the new girl who made an ass of herself at the employee party last month? Her name is Lauren. Well, I still can't stand her. She tries sooooo hard to make people like her, it's sad. She laughs at everything anyone says, even if she's not even in the conversation!!! Ugh... Well she's 19, maybe that's why. Anyways, she was hardcore flirting with John last night. And she jumped on his back, and was giggling her annoying giggle with her annoying horsey face and I just suddenly got so...JEALOUS! I couldn't even explain it! WHY was I jealous??? Maybe it's just because I don't like Lauren so much?? I dunno...
And the other weird thing is, I've kind of been thinking about John a lot lately. I talked to Alyssa about it on Thursday. I just feel like the whole situation with us got out of hand, because we were both drunk, and that wasn't how I wanted it to happen. Ya know? And I still kind of have feelings for him! I just don't know what to do about it! Alyssa thinks I should go for it.
So back to last night... I got really jealous, and I recognized that I was jealous. Even with thoughts of this tall, hot guy who's interested in me, I couldn't stop thinking about John! So we were all hanging out drinking beer after work. Then Bethany and Tug came over to hang out, and everybody decided to take the party over to Blinn's house. Bethany didn't wanna go, but we needed to catch up on things so we sat in her car and talked and smoked a bowl before I headed over to Blinn's. I told her about John and Lauren and how it made me jealous. She laughed. Lol. Then Mark called and asked where I was, so I told him I'd be there in a minute.
By the time I got there, I was definitely high, and a little buzzed, and a lot annoyed that Lauren was there. Ugh. But we had a good time anyway. I had a couple glasses of wine, goofed off and flirted with John... :)
Then when everybody started to leave, I was getting ready to go and John stole my keys! That, of course, led to wrestling on the couch, which caused Blinn to roll his eyes and go upstairs. Lol. Now it was just me and John, and before I knew it, he was kissing me. And I liked it! Haha. I finally got my keys back from him, told him goodbye and left. I put a note on his car that said, "By the way, YOU kissed ME!"
When I woke up this afternoon, I had a text from him that said, "Yes, I know and you weren't very resistent."
Haha.
I don't really know what's going to happen now. But this time was different. And I don't wanna go running scared again, so I'm just gonna play it really cool, and try to get to know him better and just...see what happens! And I'm gonna keep seeing other people too. Like that hottie from last night...
So, in the guy department, things are actually looking up for once!
I'm pretty sure I'm gonna see John tonight at work. Hopefully it's not awkward.
Wish me luck!

Feeling Accomplished

Today was nice. I got all my shopping done, and got a pedicure. No massage though. I forgot I had to sign Oliver up for puppy school, so I figured I'd try and save some cash. I also nipped into the groomer's so I could get his ears trimmed and his toenails filed. So we had a big day! Oh, and I just bought a new toy on bootyparlor.com! ;)
Now I'm just sitting on my couch in my underwear watching shows on my DVR.

WHO WATCHED HEROES LAST NIGHT!?! It was awesome!

So the guy I was telling you guys about, The Good Guy, he didn't call me today! Wth?? I mean, he's a good guy. Aren't they always supposed to call?? Well, regardless, I've decided I'm just not that into him. I was just trying to play it safe ya know? Because chances are, with him, I wouldn't get hurt, since I'm not that into him. But that isn't fair. So I'm just...not gonna call him. ((sigh))
When did it become so hard to find someone that you can relate to, connect with and...actually be attracted to! WHERE ARE ALL THESE GUYS?!! Grrr...
Well, I guess I don't really have that much to write about today. My mom has a doctor's appointment on Thursday at MD Anderson and I'm gonna go with her. She really needs my support, and as worried as I am about her, I just can't let it show. I have to be strong for her. It's hard though. Harder than you could ever imagine!
Well, anyway, it's back to Seinfeld now.

Getting Back To Normal

Well I finally got my power back on Friday! So it's been really nice to have some space all to myself again. I can walk around in my underwear, sleep in, come and go as I please...all things that I'd apparently been taking for granted!
So I sort of started seeing this guy... He's actually a guy I met on that dating website a while back. And as it turns out, he went to school with Bethany! Lol. But we're not really dating; we just starting hanging out. And I wanna take things reallllly slow, and actually get to know him before I start to invest any feelings or anything so... Maybe it'll actually work. And ya know, he's a good guy. He has a job, and a car, and a phone, and all the things that most normal people have (unlike the last 2 guys I dated!). And he's nice, and really funny, and tall. I don't exactly find him sexy or anything, but he's cute, and I like him. So, that's that.

Today Bethany and I did something fun and different! Remember Nick? My old coworker who quit to start training at the police academy? Well he signed us up to take field sobriety tests with the cadets! Hahaha. So an officer came and picked us up, drove us out to the academy, gave us a bunch of free liquor and then we took tests. It was awesome! We had so much fun! And I fooled them every time!! I took four field sobriety tests with four different groups, and none of them would have arrested me. Hahahahaha! And I was definitely drunk! Not that that's a good thing or anything, just funny. Especially since I was giggling through most of it. Nick was so cute in his cadet uniform! Lol. Anyways... Today was a pretty good day. And tomorrow Bethany and I are going to Linens N' Things so I can get some stuff for my kitchen. Apparently they're going out of business, so everything's on sale. Then I might go get a massage and a pedicure. My back has been killing me...
Well I should probably go to bed since I have all this stuff to do tomorrow.
Goodnight!

When It Rains, It Pours...And There Are Hurricanes.

My Mom got the results of her biopsy today. They were positive. She has cancer. She doesn't know any details yet though, like what kind of cancer, or how serious it is, etc. But she has to have surgery. ((sigh))
Of course I'm really worried about her. She was crying on the phone while I was at the vet with Oliver. He had to get his booster shots today. Oh, and he has an ear infection. ((sigh))
Today is just so...depressing.

Ike's Aftermath

I dropped Rusty off at a friend's house and then headed back to my apartment.
Still no power.
I called Bethany and she said I could crash with her. So I went straight there with all my things and Oliver. I've been here ever since. Rusty sent me a couple text messages, but we haven't spoken at all. In fact, my phone gets terrible reception in Bethany's house, so I haven't really been getting any phone calls.
The first couple days here were fun. I actually like living with Bethany and Tugg! But our bar still had no power, so none of us were able to work, and I was pretty low on cash. The lines for gas have been so long, they wrap around corners, grocery stores have no power, and therefore nothing cold. All the street lights are out so traffic is always bad. ((sigh)) Everything around here just sucks.
My parents told me today that they might not even get power back for a month! I was getting pretty depressed too before midtown finally got power back last night! I was actually able to work. I mean, think about it. You have no money, no place to live, and no job. And I hate mooching off people. And I know I'm welcome here for as long as I need to stay, but I still feel bad. Like, I'm taking advantage, ya know? It's not a good feeling. But I made 250 bucks last night, so things are already looking up.
We really do need all your prayers though! Things down here are absolutely horrible. Schools are shut down, people can't go to work, a lot of people don't even have water! And there's no telling how long this will all last, but it seems like a while.
Oliver has his first doctor's appointment tomorrow. Well, first appointment since I've had him. So that should be interesting. ((sigh)) Anyways, I gotta go get ready for work! We have this new girl, and she's absolutely awful. Not to mention she's a smartass bitch, and nobody likes her. Lol. I almost hope she's working tonight, just so that I'll have someone to take my frustration out on. Hahaha!

Escape To Austin

I tried as hard as I could to discourage him from coming with me. I mean, my plan was to stay with Izzie. She had already told me once that my dog and I would always be welcome to stay with her, but I wasn't so sure about me and Oliver, plus 2... ((sigh))
He said I could drop him off at his sisters "on the way" "maybe", but to begin with, her place was definitely not on the way. In fact, it was so out of the way, that I definitely didn't want to take him there, and secondly, she didn't answer his phone calls, so that was out.
I explained the situation to Izzie, and Shane. Both were sympathetic and Izzie said we could still stay. So we hit the road by 5:30. Traffic was very light, because of the recent catastrophe, so we made decent time. Not including the 2 stops we had to make because his dog puked all over my backseat. Three times.
I was furious.
((sigh))

Once we got into Austin, he made me stop at a Target so he could buy some clothes and a razor. And of course, I had to wait in the car with the dogs. All this time Izzie and Shane kept calling me, asking me where we were, because they needed to leave to make an appearance at a party, and couldn't leave until I'd gotten there. So I kept telling Rusty to hurry, but he never hurries. Then I had to take the dogs out to pee, and his stupid dog kept yanking on the leash and tangling us all up. It was awful. He took 45 fucking minutes in that store getting one shirt and a razor!

By the time we got to Izzie and her husband's apartment, I was so frustrated, but all I could do was give Izzie and Shane huge hugs and meaningful looks. But they understood.
Rusty hardly spoke to anyone, other than to introduce himself.

Anyways, since it was a Saturday, of course we were gonna go owntown. Izzie and Shane had already left for the party, and the plan was for Rusty and I to get ready, and then we'd all meet up on 6th. So he showered first, and took a million years I might add.
"What took you so long?" I asked when he finally got out.
"I had to shave!" He protested.
Seriously!?!? Us girls have to shave practically our entire bodies and it never takes me that long!
So I showered as fast as I could, dried my hair, put on my makeup, got dressed and curled my hair all in an hour. When I emerged from the bathroom, I was completely ready, and looking like a million bucks! ;)
"Ok, let's go!" I announced.
"What?? I'm not even ready!"
"What do you mean you're not ready!? What have you been doing all this time??"
"Well I needed the bathroom! I have to straighten my hair!"
I couldn't even respond to that one.
"Hurry up." I said through gritted teeth.

I waited another 30 minutes. Izzie and Shane were texting me again, asking what was taking so long. By the time we got to 6th, it was midnight! So I immediately began drinking. For one, I needed to take the edge off, and second, I needed to make up for lost time.
I did end up having a lot of fun. It was so great to spend some time with Izzie and Shane. Rusty didn't talk much. Surprise surprise. He was pretty much antisocial the whole night. I tried to include him in conversation and loosen him up. But he wasn't having any of it. Oh well. I had a nice buzz going by the end of the night, and we all headed back to Izzie's.

It just so happened that the A/C in Shane's house was out, so she and her dog were staying at Izzie's too. Her husband had pulled out the couch bed and made up a pallet on the floor for us while we were gone. Rusty boldly assumed that he would be sleeping on the bed, and pitched a huge fit when Shane informed him that she and I would be sleeping there. He crawled under the covers of his makeshift sleeping bag and put a pillow over his head! How old is he?! Twelve?! Ugh.
Then, of course, his dog kept running around and trying to jump on our bed. Shane was really pissed about that.

"You better keep your dog over there, because if she jumps up here while I'm sleeping and wakes me up, I'm gonna get really pissed." She said.

He called her back over to him, and I couldn't help but feel a little smug about it. I mean finally
someone besides me was telling him to take care of his damn dog!

The next morning, I woke to the sound of Izzie's husband ranting that Rusty's dog was "shitting all over the porch" and that somebody needed to "get up and take care of the damn dogs!"
I immediately jumped out of bed to help him.
Rusty continued to lay there.
WTF!?!?
I couldn't believe he could be so inconsiderate and disrespectful! I mean Izzie and her husband don't know him! They don't even like him! They didn't have to let us come stay, and they sure as hell shouldn't have to take care of any more dogs!
That was when I decided I was gonna have to cut the trip short. I just felt horrible putting them out like that, and I didn't want to inflict Rusty (or his dog) on them for another night. I told Izzie we were gonna leave early. She agreed it was probably for the best, because she didn't want to end up fighting with her husband.
Then we watched a movie, just the girls, while Rusty left to make long phone calls. But I was enjoying the time without him! We started calling it RFMs. Rusty Free Moments. Lol. It became like an inside joke.

After the movie, we all showered and went out to lunch, and then Rusty and I hit the road.
I had to stop at a gas station on the way out. Rusty went inside to get something while I was pumping gas. When I got back in the car, he was sitting there with a 40 oz can of beer!!

"What the hell are you doing!? You can't drink that in my car! What is wrong with you!?"
He blubbered something incoherent.
"Oh my god you are such an idiot..." I muttered under my breath. He still heard.

That was the last straw. After all the paranoia and all the shit he talks about my driving, and occasional speeding, because he doesn't want me to get pulled over, because he has warrants, etc etc... And he wanted to drink a BEER in my car!!!!
I snatched it from him and dumped it out.

"Fine. I'll just sit here and not say anything and not do anything so that I don't piss you off. Because apparently I can't do anything right." He huffed at me.
"How very mature of you."

We didn't speak the entire drive back to Houston.

The Hurricane

Note: Thanks everyone for your comments of concern, and subsequent relief! Thank the Lord that my family and I are all ok. We're still without power over here, which really sucks, but Oliver and I have a warm bed and food, so I guess I can't really complain, right? Anyways, I'm still at Bethany's, but everyone's in bed now, so I snuck over to the computer to type for you all. Here is part one of my adventure! Enjoy!


Ok, let's start with the Thursday. The day before the hurricane.
Rusty did end up texting me back, like...45 minutes later! He said he was thinking about taking me up on my offer. I made him sweat it a while and didn't immediately respond. Then he sent me another text that said, "I hope you still want me to come over..." and before I could even hit send on my response, he was calling me.
I kept our conversation short. I told him I'd come and get him after work, but that I couldn't chat cuz I needed to finish getting ready for work. Work was alright; we got pretty busy towards the end of the night since nobody had to work the next day, in lieu of the storm. So afterwards, I went and got him. And his dog. Ugh... He has a 5 month old half dalmatian, and she's absolutely a hellion. Not to mention the fact that she's poorly trained, and rarely disciplined. But whatever. She and Oliver get along pretty well, and I wasn't about to tell him to leave his dog! That would be horrible.
So we got back to my apartment pretty late, and we talked a little. He asked why I'd been ignoring his texts/calls, and I told him. Straight up. I said I was fed up with his ungrateful attitude, and I was tired of driving so far out of my way for him, and I felt unappreciated, etc. Oh, and the fact that his casual drug use causes him to call me at 4 in the morning doesn't help either. I basically told him he needed to grow up. He pouted a little, and apologized, but I think I already knew in my mind that that was it for him. I mean, he's not going to change! And it was kind of nice actually, because it was as if, in those 4 days of not talking to him, I got over it! And that's pretty quick for me! I'm impressed with myself. I mean just the initial attraction was gone. The dangerous, he'shotcuzhe'samusician thing wasn't doin' it for me anymore. Because I realized, I want something more!
But, since I already had him at my apartment, for at least a couple days, I figured I'd roll with it and just have fun, and then... And then that would be that. The End.

So, Day Zero. The day of the hurricane.
We woke up really late, did a little last minute shopping, you know, liquor store, drug store, etc... When we got back to my apartment, we were stocked and ready for the hurricane! We watched a little TV, made out a little, smoked a little pot, goofed off some... I begged him to play me a song, but he wouldn't. Of course. You'd think after all the stuff I've done for him, he'd at least oblige by playing me a song! ((sigh))
Anyways, then we decided to go swimming. I can't remember who's idea it was, but I just got this new waterproof camera, and I've been dying to try it! So we changed into our suits and headed out to the pool. Only to find that it had been padlocked. Foiled again! Grr...
But some helpful neighbors on the overhanging pool patio told us not to get discouraged! They had already jumped the fence once. Haha! So we decided to go for it, and they ended up joining us!
It was actually really fun! I got to know some of my neighbors finally, and we all got nice and boozed up, swam around, and had fun! I mixed shots for us all, and we watched the high winds come in until finally we all decided to call it a night.
When Rusty and I went back inside, I took a shower immediately. I figured I should take advantage of the power while we still had it. Then we tried to watch some TV, but ended up making out...and other things, instead. Finally we passed out.
Only to be woken by loud banging and whooshing noises about an hour later! My windows were rattling, and I could hear things banging around outside. We kept watching out the window, but there wasn't really much to see other than swaying trees and the parking lot. So we turned the TV back on to the news. Then the power shut off.
I lit candles and we retreated back to my room. The dogs were driving us crazy by this point. Rusty's dog was really nervous and kept jumping up on the bed and scratching me. Ugh... I tried to go to sleep, but Rusty kept getting up to look out the window (at nothing, I might add, since everything was pitch dark outside too!) and then banging into things and knocking things off my shelves, which in turn, would startle me awake. This happened about 4 times throughout the morning. Needless to say, I didn't sleep well, if at all. Not to mention it was really hot by this time since we had no A/C. ((sigh))
At one point, the storm quieted and we thought it was over, but it must have just been the eye (which had a 49 mile radius!) passing over us, because it came back even stronger. I called my dad at 4 am to ask him how they were doing, because I was so worried. Apparently they'd lost power way before we did, and were at the neighbor's, who had a generator. I asked my dad about my window too, because I was really starting to worry that it might shatter. But he told me it was probably just the frame, not the glass. And he ended up being right. My dad is so smart! :)
I tried to go to sleep again after that. Rusty and/or his dog woke me up a couple more times though, and by the time the sun woke me up, I was reallllllly cranky. And of course, Rusty was passed out comfortably.
I got up and found several doggie presents, which I then proceeded to clean up, only to discover the toilet wasn't flushing. No water pressure. Great. And I really had to pee too. And it was so unbearably hot! How could he just sleep like that??? I rolled my eyes at him and grabbed my keys.
"Hey!", I shook him, "I'm going out. I have to find a working bathroom."
He just groaned and didn't move.
As soon as I got outside I took a long look at the damage. Branches and debris everywhere. The large canopies by the pool knocked over... I could go on. Luckily my car was fine. Mostly everyone's car in my complex was. But still, no power anywhere. ANYWHERE.
I drove around for a half hour trying to find a place that would just be open so that I could their toilet! But no such luck. There were street lights dangling from their cords in the middle of intersections. Large plastic store signs shattered, with pieces of colored plastic blown across the street. Trees the size of ones you'd find in Middle Earth fallen on top of roofs. Windows broken in high rises. Leaves and branches and trees just...everywhere! Blocking entire lanes of traffic! And of course, none of the street lights were working. ((sigh))
It was absolutely catastrophic.

I went back to my apartment, and peed in the toilet anyway. I couldn't hold it anymore.
Then I noticed a large pee stain...ON MY FUCKING BED!

"What the hell?!" I exclaimed.
Rusty didn't even move.
"HELLO!? Your dog fucking pissed on my bed!"
"Huh?", he rolled over, "You don't know that."
"Yes. I do. Oliver has never had any accidents in my bed. He holds it till morning."
"So? It coulda been him. You don't know it was her. Besides, I was laying right here, I would have noticed. And she wouldn't do that right in front of me..." He was obviously in complete denial.
"YOU WERE ASLEEP! And she obviously did! Because Oliver can't jump up on my bed by himself, I have to put him up there. It was her. And now I'm the one cleaning it up. Just great...."

I was fuming. How could he just lay there in bed and let me clean up after his dog who just pissed in my bed?! He didn't even apologize!! I went to the kitchen and made myself a peanut butter sandwich. Then I stomped around the house for a while, grumbling to myself.

"Why are you yellin' at me? Why are you being so grumpy??" Rusty asked in a petulant voice.
"Because. Because it's hot. And I hardly got any sleep with you waking me up every 20 minutes. And then I wake up and I can't even pee. And there's piss and shit all over my new apartment, which I cleaned up, and then! To top it all off, your fucking dog pisses in my fucking bed. Excuse me for being a little irritated!" I snapped.

Then I grabbed my suitcase out of the closet. I started packing.

"What are you doing?" Rusty asked, finally sitting up.
"Packing."
"For what?"
"I just...I have to get out of here." I huffed.
"Well...where??"
"We're going to Austin."

Don't Worry!

Thanks for everyone's concern! I'm holed up at Bethany's right now because there's no power at my apartment complex...or most of Houston for that matter. I do have lots to update, but I'll have to get back to you guys at another time. I don't wanna sit here and type for an hour when I'm hanging out with Bethany, but I promise to update as soon as I have the opportunity. I have lots to tell you all!!
Just wanted to let you guys know that me, and Oliver (and all my stuff!) are ok!

Rock You Like A Hurricane

Ok, so there's this hurricane, right? And normally, I don't let these things bother me, because we always have hurricane scares here, and then everyone gets in their car and drives for hours and hours in bumper to bumper traffic just to move like...2 miles. And then the hurricane never even hits. So I always just stay put.
But apparently this one is pretty serious. Not for me, because luckily I'm far enough away from it now. But my parents, and a lot of my friends live in the evacuation zones and they all have to leave. A lot of businesses are closing too. Except of course, my bar. They're staying open tonight, but possibly closing for the rest of the weekend. So Melissa and Amanda are partying, Jenna's partying, pretty much everyone I know that doesn't work with me is having a hurricane party.
And Rusty texted me asking if I wanted to go to Dallas!
I didn't respond at first. But then like 20 minutes later, after getting off the phone with Melissa, who informed me that all north-bound traffic is practically at a stand-still, I wrote him back.

"Lol. You'll never make it to Dallas."
"Why do you say that?"
"Traffic is too bad."
"No it isn't. I just got back from Katy...Don't you at least want to see me a little?

Ugh...

"I'm not going to Dallas. I have to work tonight."
"But you do wanna see me?"
"Don't flatter yourself. You're not staying home, are you?"
"Not sure yet."
"Well you shouldn't stay there."
"I know but the only person I have here is my parents, and they want me to stay with them. That's closer."
"Do you at least have a ride?"
"Everyone is already gone."
"Are you kidding me??"
"LOL no."
"Well then what are you gonna do!? Why didn't you leave when "everybody" else did?"
"Well I was playing a show last night when my roommate left."
"Ok well...what are your options?"
"So far, just go to my parents."
"Well aren't they under mandatory evacuation?"

(His parents live pretty far south)

"I don't know"
"I'm pretty sure they are, cuz my parents are. Why don't you just come to Houston?"
"I'm trying to find a way"

Here's the part where I stopped, and really thought about what to say next. Because obviously, I still like him, but I am doing alright without him. But at the same time, I'm a nice person and I don't want to leave him stranded.

"((sigh)) Well if you REALLY need a ride, I can come get you. If you drown in the hurricane, I don't want that on my conscience."

So now, I'm just waiting for his response. Erg... Why do I put myself in these positions?? If he doesn't write back, I'm seriously never talking to him again. And hey, maybe the bar will be closed this weekend, and I can just sit back with a bottle of wine and my DVR and watch TV! Could be fun!

Group Hang

Well this past Friday we went out for Melissa's birthday. And we went to one of the newer bars on the Washington Strip. I had only been there once, and I remembered it being kind of a hole in the wall, and not very busy. But this time, it was packed! Bethany came too, and it ended up just being me, Melissa, Tim, Bethany and Evan. But we had so much fun! And I even met a cute bartender, and I gave him my phone number.
So on Sunday, before the whole Rusty thing, The Bartender texted me! We chatted a little bit, but I was at work, so we couldn't talk for long.
Then today, Jenna and I had plans to hang out at a local icehouse when she got off work. So I texted The Bartender and asked him to join us, before I hopped in the shower.
I left my phone sitting on the bathroom counter, and I heard him text a response while I was washing my hair. I smiled to myself as I hurried through the rest of my shower. I immediately checked my messages when I got out.
Except it wasn't from The Bartender.
It was Rusty.
"U hate me now?"
Ugh... I didn't respond. About 5 minutes later, The Bartender wrote back saying he'd meet us there.
So when Jenna got off work, we headed over to the icehouse. I brought Oliver with me, and Evan met up with us too. We played the touch screen trivia game, and had a few beers before The Bartender showed up.
It was hard for me to really decide what I thought of him. I mean, all of us bartenders act differently when we're not at work. Jenna didn't like him. She says he thinks he's hot shit. Lol. But to be honest, there weren't really any sparks between us. I mean, he's a nice guy and all but just...not that interesting.
Oh well, at least I hung out with a guy. A guy that wasn't Rusty.
Speaking of Rusty, he sent me another text when I got home.
"Just heard your myspace says you're done? I didn't even do anything wrong."
Fuckin' classic. I put that as my myspace status last night.
Peyton is DONE.
Mood: used.
I doubt he heard that either. He probably just saw it. And yea, maybe he didn't do anything wrong, but he sure as hell didn't do anything right!! I didn't respond to that one either.

I Told You So

Go ahead and say it.
I broke things off with Rusty tonight. I just couldn't handle it. Him treating me like shit, and using me, and just...not being that into me, I guess you could say. And while I may sound so candid and to the point about this in my writing, I've completely broken down, and I can barely see the computer screen through my tears.
When will I ever get this right??
When will I ever find someone who will just make me happy?
I'm not just upset about Rusty. I'm upset because I saw the good in him. The good that other people refused to see. The talent, the potential, the goodness in his heart. But it is still going to waste, and I'm still a failure, because no matter how much good I may see in people, that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to use that goodness on me. I'm still going to get stepped on, used, and shit on by these guys. And I'm always going to be the one with the broken heart.
I just can't take this right now. My mom is getting steadily worse. Every time I talk to her, she sounds more worried, more upset... She's been in a lot of pain, and there's nothing I can do. She even has my dad all upset. Apparently she keeps talking to him about his "future wife". She says she wants us all to "be prepared".
((sigh))
My life is getting steadily worse... I'm just... I wish I could just not care about anything.
Ever.

An Unhealthy Obsession

So things with Rusty and I haven't exactly been going perfectly. I mean the whole driving down there all the time thing is getting old. And I'm starting to feel like he doesn't really appreciate it! And I'm also getting really sick of people telling me to stay away from him etc etc... I get it, ok people?! He's a bad guy, he's bad news, he's this, he's that... I DON'T CARE! I make my own decisions and my own mistakes. And if he is a mistake, then I'm going to have only myself to blame. But no matter what...I still can't get enough of him.
((sigh))
I really wanted him to come over and hang out last night, because I didn't have to work, and neither did he. But said he wasn't feeling well, and he just wanted to stay home. Even when I offered to pick him up! I vented to Melissa on the phone about it for an hour, and she told me to blow him off for the rest of the night, so I did. He called me around 11:30 and I didn't answer. Then he sent me a text at 3:30 am that said, "I can't believe you didn't call me back".
I tried calling him just a minute ago, because he usually wakes up around 4, but he didn't answer. Of course. So I sent him a text, just so that he would know I called, and couldn't pretend he didn't have any missed calls. All I said was, "Hey, I didn't get your text till today, I was passed out. Guess you're still sleeping. Call me when you wake up!"
All I wanna do is see him! Wrap my arms around him, kiss him...((sigh)) I have some serious issues. I need to get my head out of the clouds for real, and come back to reality. This is so not healthy. Ugh...
Today is Melissa's 25th birthday. We're celebrating tomorrow. I requested the opening shift tomorrow so that I could hang out with her and the girls. So hopefully that will be a fun escape from what is really going on in my life.