Go ahead and say it.
I broke things off with Rusty tonight. I just couldn't handle it. Him treating me like shit, and using me, and just...not being that into me, I guess you could say. And while I may sound so candid and to the point about this in my writing, I've completely broken down, and I can barely see the computer screen through my tears.
When will I ever get this right??
When will I ever find someone who will just make me happy?
I'm not just upset about Rusty. I'm upset because I saw the good in him. The good that other people refused to see. The talent, the potential, the goodness in his heart. But it is still going to waste, and I'm still a failure, because no matter how much good I may see in people, that doesn't necessarily mean they're going to use that goodness on me. I'm still going to get stepped on, used, and shit on by these guys. And I'm always going to be the one with the broken heart.
I just can't take this right now. My mom is getting steadily worse. Every time I talk to her, she sounds more worried, more upset... She's been in a lot of pain, and there's nothing I can do. She even has my dad all upset. Apparently she keeps talking to him about his "future wife". She says she wants us all to "be prepared".
My life is getting steadily worse... I'm just... I wish I could just not care about anything.