Friday was mostly miserable. All I could think about was Rusty, and by the time it was time to go to Todd's tailgate party, I didn't even feel like getting dressed. I just wasn't in a social mood. But I made myself go, and I brought Oliver and sat outside in the blistering heat for about an hour, before ducking out early to head back home. I kept my phone in my pocket the whole time, hoping he would call, but he didn't.
So after the party, I went back to sleep. I figured I could probably use the sleep, since I hadn't had a full night in about 5 days. Plus, at least when I was sleeping, I wasn't worrying about Rusty.
I woke up around 8:30 and started getting ready to go out. I had made up my mind. I would just go up to work, approach him, and apologize. Just explain it to him. And if he didn't wanna talk to me, well then...fine. So I put on one of my sexiest tops, and some tight fitting jeans and headed out. As I was walking up to the door of my bar, I could hear him singing from inside. He sounded great as always. I took a deep breath and went in. Cameryn and a couple of the waitresses had just gotten off work, so I went and chilled with them for a while. Cameryn mentioned something about Rusty being "Peyton's dude" in front of the other girls. I was completely shocked! First of all, because the only people at work who know are Alyssa and Bethany, and second because she's a manager and I just didn't figure she'd bother with gossip. After a little bit, they all decided to head over the shot bar, but I stayed to wait for Rusty's set to be over. Then Sharon came up to hang out. She's one of my coworker's girlfriends, and she's the one who was puppysitting for me on Thursday night.
Finally his set ended. As soon as he set his guitar down, we made eye contact. I flushed and turned back around. The next thing I knew, he was right behind me.
"Hey," he said, "You came!" He seemed genuinely happy to see me.
"Yea." I said, and couldn't help but smile.
"So...you don't hate me?" He asked hesitantly.
"What??? No! Look...I'm sorry I freaked out on you last night. I just...I was kind of drunk, and my feelings were hurt, and I overreacted a little."
"It's ok," he said, "Why didn't you call me today? I wasn't expecting you to show up after I didn't hear from you."
"Well I tried calling you last night, but you didn't answer, so I just figured you didn't wanna talk to me. And I thought if you did, then you'd call." I told him.
"Oh. Well I was waiting for you to call, cuz you were the one that was mad."
"Well, yea, I was but..."
"Look, I just can't trust my roommate alone in the apartment when there's people over. I mean I have a lot of expensive equipment in there and I don't want it to get stolen. And he was really drunk... I had to stay home. I wasn't planning on it or anything." He explained.
"It's fine. We can talk about it later if you want." I said, and then he kissed me! And it was like in that moment, my whole day went from being crappy, to being wonderful. :) I mean he was just so cool about the whole thing. No drama whatsoever. It was just...over. That's it!
So Sharon and I hung out for a while, and watched him play, then we went over to the shot bar for a while, then we went back. It was a really fun night over all. The best part being that Rusty came home with me and we cuddled all night, and all day today. :)
We went out to lunch, then I played the piano for him, and we watched Heroes in bed...
Today was complete bliss.
In fact, I just got home from work about 20 minutes ago, and he's on the phone with me right now practically begging me to come over. But I'm definitely staying home tonight.
Alyssa and Russ are having a Labor Day party tomorrow afternoon and he's coming with me. Then I have to go to work...ugh.
Anyways, I really need to direct my attention towards our phone conversation right now, because he's being very persistent about me coming over, and I think I'm losing this argument...
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Phase II: Disappointment
Todd is having a tailgate party today at 3 o'clock for his first game. A couple days ago, I asked Rusty if he'd go with me.
"So you're saying you want me to go with you?" He said.
"I'm asking if you wanna come with me." I said.
"Well, yea, sure. That sounds like fun." He agreed.
I spent both Tuesday and Wednesday night at his place, Oliver in tow. We had a lot of fun, as usual, and there was a lot of making out. :)
Yesterday morning when we were laying in bed I told him it was his turn to stay with me. I had spent the last 2 nights over there, and plus we had that party to go to, which is right by my apartment. So he said ok.
So last night both Alyssa and I got off at 9, and we had plans to hang out afterward. Rusty, of course, wanted me to go watch his show, which was about 30 minutes south of Houston. And of course, me wanting to see him, decided to go. But I played it cool when he asked, and I told him maybe.
But by yesterday afternoon, he was asking if I'd be there and I said yes.
So Alyssa and I drove down there, and Russ and his brother and fiance met us there too. The place he was playing at is definitely not my favorite place to hang out, and I've definitely been there too many times in the last week. But the only reason I was there was to see him play.
He gave me a kiss as soon as I got there, and we took some shots together. While he was playing, I played darts with Alyssa and everybody, and we had a good time. Then around 12:30 Alyssa & company decided to leave, but I stayed to wait for Rusty. Rusty's roommate and girlfriend had just showed up. It was her birthday and they were both pretty drunk. So I hung out with them during his last set.
When they were finally done playing, and he came over to our table, I told him we couldn't hang around very long afterward because I needed to go pick up Oliver from a friend's house, who was babysitting. Then he acted kinda iffy about staying over at my place.
"Why can't you just stay over here?" He pleaded.
"Because! I can't just leave Oliver! I told her I'd get him by like 3:30."
"Well then just go get him and come back."
"What!? No way. Drive all the way back there, get him, and then drive all the way back down here, just so I can get up and drive all the way back to Houston again?? That doesn't make any sense. I have to go home tonight."
He sighed.
"Well, we'll figure it out after we finish putting everything away." He said.
"What is there to figure out? Whether or not you're with me, I have to go home tonight." I said firmly, "I mean if I woulda known you were just gonna stay here, I would have left with Alyssa." Now I was starting to get upset. What about the party? What about everything we had agreed on??
"Ok well we'll talk about when I'm done." He said dismissively.
I sighed and sat back down to wait. After about 15 minutes, I told him I was just going to wait in my car because it was freezing in there. So I went outside to wait.
...and wait....and wait.
Finally he came out, and put his guitar, a mic stand, and something else in a big case that I dunno what it was, in my back seat. Then I waited some more, and then he got in the car. By this time, I was on the phone with Bethany. She had called me while I was waiting for him. So when I got off the phone, we were almost to his house.
"So, why can't you just get your stuff and come back with me?" I asked.
"Well...I just really kinda wanna stay here tonight." He said.
"Okay..." I said, in an obviously put-out voice.
"You can't be mad though."
"Why not?? I mean I drove all the way out here for like the past 4 days, I mean I know you can't drive, but is it too much to ask for you to at least try to meet me halfway??"
"Well, it's just that it's [Roommate's Girlfriend's] birthday, and everybody's coming over..."
"Ok then."
"Don't be mad..."
I didn't say anything. We were pulling into his parking lot. I was seething. I felt so used. So taken for granted. So much like I felt when I was with Daniel.
He took all his stuff out of my back seat and set it on the ground.
"You're not even gonna come in for a little bit?" He asked.
"I can't. I have to go get my dog."
"Well are you gonna at least give me a kiss?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm pissed off, and I don't kiss people that I'm pissed off at." I retorted.
"So??"
I stared straight ahead.
"Well I'm gonna kiss you then."
He leaned in to kiss me. I turned away. He sighed and stood up.
"Call me later?" He said, hopefully.
I just looked at him. Then he shut the door and I drove off.
I was just so...hurt. And frustrated, and angry and sad, and disappointed...
I mean why is it that I'm always doing all these things, and going way out of my way for guys and they never seem to appreciate it???
I cried a little, then got mad again, then cried some more on my drive home. I tried calling Melissa, but of course she didn't answer. It was 3:20am.
After I got home from picking up Oliver, I got a text.
"That was mean." He said.
I hadn't been planning to call him, text him, or anything. I was gonna let him make the first move. I just wasn't expecting it to be so soon, and I was pissed that he was calling me mean.
"I'm not being mean. I'm fucking tired of feeling used. And I'm tired of always going out of my way and being taken for granted and this is what it always fucking comes to. For once it would be nice to meet a guy who actually puts me before himself. Usually when I get mad, it's cuz I've been hurt. This is no exception." I replied.
He immediately wrote back.
"Well I guess you don't like me then."
"Yea. That's exactly it. Take the easy way out." I said.
"I wasn't trying to get out."
"Then what ARE you trying to do?? Have you even thought about what you're saying? Or about how *I* might feel??" I demanded.
"I think you're making a big deal out of nothing."
OHHHHH no he did not. The ultimate dismissal. I couldn't stop myself.
I was so mad, at first all I said was, "Ok then."
But then the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to say, so I wrote:
I came all the way down to the south side tonight, and yesterday, and the day before, just to see you. Because you can't drive. I could have stayed in Houston tonight. In fact, I WANTED to stay in Houston tonight! But I wanted to see you more, so I went. And I just wanted you to come to this thing with me tomorrow, but it's obviously not important to you. And you made me wait for you tonight, just so I could give you a ride home, and then you left me high and dry. Not only do I feel used, but I feel hurt, and passed over, and insignificant. You're right. No big deal. For someone with my past, it's easy to get unsettled in this shitty, and all too familiar situation."
He didn't write back. Ten minutes went by, then 15, then 20...still nothing. By this time I was laying in bed, second guessing everything, and over analyzing everything, like I always do.
Maybe he's just not that into me, I thought, I'm gonna call him and ask him! I'm not gonna continue to waste time and feelings on a guy if he's not even into me! I decided. Bad move. It's scary the things that alcohol and PMS can do to you. Of course, he didn't answer. And now I looked pathetic and desperate. I lie awake thinking about it for at least an hour before drifting into an uneasy sleep. I woke up 2 and a half hours later and called Melissa.
By this time, I was thinking clearly. Oh my god. I fucked it up. I'm such an idiot, was all I kept thinking. I did overreact. I was drunk. And upset. He struck a bad note, you know? Putting me in that situation again, and I went a little overboard. And I was majorly regretting it.
I told Melissa the whole story on the phone.
"You were probably mean to him in the car last night, weren't you?" She said, honestly, but teasingly.
"Yea...I was. I'm such a bitch! He tried to kiss me and I turned away."
Melissa laughed.
"Oh Peyton! I know you; you can be so mean to guys sometimes! Look. He's going to call you, don't worry. He really likes you. Just go back to sleep, get some rest, and he'll probably call you between 2 and 3. If he doesn't, well then you'll see him tonight at his show."
(He's playing at my work tonight.)
"Well yea, but what if he doesn't!?"
"He will! I promise." She said adamantly.
I sighed.
"Well what am I supposed to say if he does call?"
"You probably made him feel stupid last night, that's why he didn't respond to you. Just tell him you were hurt, upset, disappointed... Use words he understands. And just tell him you know you went overboard a little, but you just weren't in the right state of mind, you were kind of drunk... "
"Ok, and if he doesn't call? Am I just supposed to show up tonight?? I took today off ya know, I'm not gonna already be there."
"Ok, if he doesn't call you by 5, then call me and we'll talk about it."
"Ok." I resigned.
After we got off the phone, I stayed in bed for just a few more minutes before I got up to write.
I feel so horrible. I really like this guy, and as usual, I'm blowing it. I know how I am. I know I trust too easily, and fall too quickly, and demand too much too soon... I know! And I always say the wrong thing. I always scare them away. I just...didn't think he would scare so easily. I mean I told him from the beginning that I could be mean, and that he would probably like me less the more he got to know me. But he just laughed and said he was liking me more and more. ((sigh))
STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!!
I don't know what I'm going to do if he doesn't call me. I have to talk to him. I have to make this right. All while trying not to seem desperate. Ugh. If worse comes to worse I will have to go to his show and talk to him. I just really don't wanna be seen with him at my work, because of rumors, etc. Especially not if we're fighting about something. ((Sigh))
I don't even feel like going to the party anymore. I really wanted him to be there.
Way to fuck it up again, Peyton.
"So you're saying you want me to go with you?" He said.
"I'm asking if you wanna come with me." I said.
"Well, yea, sure. That sounds like fun." He agreed.
I spent both Tuesday and Wednesday night at his place, Oliver in tow. We had a lot of fun, as usual, and there was a lot of making out. :)
Yesterday morning when we were laying in bed I told him it was his turn to stay with me. I had spent the last 2 nights over there, and plus we had that party to go to, which is right by my apartment. So he said ok.
So last night both Alyssa and I got off at 9, and we had plans to hang out afterward. Rusty, of course, wanted me to go watch his show, which was about 30 minutes south of Houston. And of course, me wanting to see him, decided to go. But I played it cool when he asked, and I told him maybe.
But by yesterday afternoon, he was asking if I'd be there and I said yes.
So Alyssa and I drove down there, and Russ and his brother and fiance met us there too. The place he was playing at is definitely not my favorite place to hang out, and I've definitely been there too many times in the last week. But the only reason I was there was to see him play.
He gave me a kiss as soon as I got there, and we took some shots together. While he was playing, I played darts with Alyssa and everybody, and we had a good time. Then around 12:30 Alyssa & company decided to leave, but I stayed to wait for Rusty. Rusty's roommate and girlfriend had just showed up. It was her birthday and they were both pretty drunk. So I hung out with them during his last set.
When they were finally done playing, and he came over to our table, I told him we couldn't hang around very long afterward because I needed to go pick up Oliver from a friend's house, who was babysitting. Then he acted kinda iffy about staying over at my place.
"Why can't you just stay over here?" He pleaded.
"Because! I can't just leave Oliver! I told her I'd get him by like 3:30."
"Well then just go get him and come back."
"What!? No way. Drive all the way back there, get him, and then drive all the way back down here, just so I can get up and drive all the way back to Houston again?? That doesn't make any sense. I have to go home tonight."
He sighed.
"Well, we'll figure it out after we finish putting everything away." He said.
"What is there to figure out? Whether or not you're with me, I have to go home tonight." I said firmly, "I mean if I woulda known you were just gonna stay here, I would have left with Alyssa." Now I was starting to get upset. What about the party? What about everything we had agreed on??
"Ok well we'll talk about when I'm done." He said dismissively.
I sighed and sat back down to wait. After about 15 minutes, I told him I was just going to wait in my car because it was freezing in there. So I went outside to wait.
...and wait....and wait.
Finally he came out, and put his guitar, a mic stand, and something else in a big case that I dunno what it was, in my back seat. Then I waited some more, and then he got in the car. By this time, I was on the phone with Bethany. She had called me while I was waiting for him. So when I got off the phone, we were almost to his house.
"So, why can't you just get your stuff and come back with me?" I asked.
"Well...I just really kinda wanna stay here tonight." He said.
"Okay..." I said, in an obviously put-out voice.
"You can't be mad though."
"Why not?? I mean I drove all the way out here for like the past 4 days, I mean I know you can't drive, but is it too much to ask for you to at least try to meet me halfway??"
"Well, it's just that it's [Roommate's Girlfriend's] birthday, and everybody's coming over..."
"Ok then."
"Don't be mad..."
I didn't say anything. We were pulling into his parking lot. I was seething. I felt so used. So taken for granted. So much like I felt when I was with Daniel.
He took all his stuff out of my back seat and set it on the ground.
"You're not even gonna come in for a little bit?" He asked.
"I can't. I have to go get my dog."
"Well are you gonna at least give me a kiss?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm pissed off, and I don't kiss people that I'm pissed off at." I retorted.
"So??"
I stared straight ahead.
"Well I'm gonna kiss you then."
He leaned in to kiss me. I turned away. He sighed and stood up.
"Call me later?" He said, hopefully.
I just looked at him. Then he shut the door and I drove off.
I was just so...hurt. And frustrated, and angry and sad, and disappointed...
I mean why is it that I'm always doing all these things, and going way out of my way for guys and they never seem to appreciate it???
I cried a little, then got mad again, then cried some more on my drive home. I tried calling Melissa, but of course she didn't answer. It was 3:20am.
After I got home from picking up Oliver, I got a text.
"That was mean." He said.
I hadn't been planning to call him, text him, or anything. I was gonna let him make the first move. I just wasn't expecting it to be so soon, and I was pissed that he was calling me mean.
"I'm not being mean. I'm fucking tired of feeling used. And I'm tired of always going out of my way and being taken for granted and this is what it always fucking comes to. For once it would be nice to meet a guy who actually puts me before himself. Usually when I get mad, it's cuz I've been hurt. This is no exception." I replied.
He immediately wrote back.
"Well I guess you don't like me then."
"Yea. That's exactly it. Take the easy way out." I said.
"I wasn't trying to get out."
"Then what ARE you trying to do?? Have you even thought about what you're saying? Or about how *I* might feel??" I demanded.
"I think you're making a big deal out of nothing."
OHHHHH no he did not. The ultimate dismissal. I couldn't stop myself.
I was so mad, at first all I said was, "Ok then."
But then the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to say, so I wrote:
I came all the way down to the south side tonight, and yesterday, and the day before, just to see you. Because you can't drive. I could have stayed in Houston tonight. In fact, I WANTED to stay in Houston tonight! But I wanted to see you more, so I went. And I just wanted you to come to this thing with me tomorrow, but it's obviously not important to you. And you made me wait for you tonight, just so I could give you a ride home, and then you left me high and dry. Not only do I feel used, but I feel hurt, and passed over, and insignificant. You're right. No big deal. For someone with my past, it's easy to get unsettled in this shitty, and all too familiar situation."
He didn't write back. Ten minutes went by, then 15, then 20...still nothing. By this time I was laying in bed, second guessing everything, and over analyzing everything, like I always do.
Maybe he's just not that into me, I thought, I'm gonna call him and ask him! I'm not gonna continue to waste time and feelings on a guy if he's not even into me! I decided. Bad move. It's scary the things that alcohol and PMS can do to you. Of course, he didn't answer. And now I looked pathetic and desperate. I lie awake thinking about it for at least an hour before drifting into an uneasy sleep. I woke up 2 and a half hours later and called Melissa.
By this time, I was thinking clearly. Oh my god. I fucked it up. I'm such an idiot, was all I kept thinking. I did overreact. I was drunk. And upset. He struck a bad note, you know? Putting me in that situation again, and I went a little overboard. And I was majorly regretting it.
I told Melissa the whole story on the phone.
"You were probably mean to him in the car last night, weren't you?" She said, honestly, but teasingly.
"Yea...I was. I'm such a bitch! He tried to kiss me and I turned away."
Melissa laughed.
"Oh Peyton! I know you; you can be so mean to guys sometimes! Look. He's going to call you, don't worry. He really likes you. Just go back to sleep, get some rest, and he'll probably call you between 2 and 3. If he doesn't, well then you'll see him tonight at his show."
(He's playing at my work tonight.)
"Well yea, but what if he doesn't!?"
"He will! I promise." She said adamantly.
I sighed.
"Well what am I supposed to say if he does call?"
"You probably made him feel stupid last night, that's why he didn't respond to you. Just tell him you were hurt, upset, disappointed... Use words he understands. And just tell him you know you went overboard a little, but you just weren't in the right state of mind, you were kind of drunk... "
"Ok, and if he doesn't call? Am I just supposed to show up tonight?? I took today off ya know, I'm not gonna already be there."
"Ok, if he doesn't call you by 5, then call me and we'll talk about it."
"Ok." I resigned.
After we got off the phone, I stayed in bed for just a few more minutes before I got up to write.
I feel so horrible. I really like this guy, and as usual, I'm blowing it. I know how I am. I know I trust too easily, and fall too quickly, and demand too much too soon... I know! And I always say the wrong thing. I always scare them away. I just...didn't think he would scare so easily. I mean I told him from the beginning that I could be mean, and that he would probably like me less the more he got to know me. But he just laughed and said he was liking me more and more. ((sigh))
STUPID STUPID STUPID!!!!
I don't know what I'm going to do if he doesn't call me. I have to talk to him. I have to make this right. All while trying not to seem desperate. Ugh. If worse comes to worse I will have to go to his show and talk to him. I just really don't wanna be seen with him at my work, because of rumors, etc. Especially not if we're fighting about something. ((Sigh))
I don't even feel like going to the party anymore. I really wanted him to be there.
Way to fuck it up again, Peyton.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Phase I: Infatuation
Rusty.
I've spent this entire past week with him. It's like I can't get enough of him! And it all started with his show. I went to watch him play, and it was like he became this...this amazing, talented, superhot, smart guy, who I can't help but desire. But then off stage, he's goofy and dorky and kind of shy. And I love it!
He's stayed over here a couple times, and I've stayed with him a couple times. Our dogs love each other too, so that makes things easier.
He wrote this entire song yesterday! Music, lyrics and all, and recorded it and played it for me today and it was...beautiful! Amazing! Ridiculously impressive. And it's not like I'm hero worshipping him or anything, it's just that I have so much respect for him, as a fellow musician. I guess... and I like him!!
I mean he's sooooo nice! He's really sweet to me all the time, and he's always telling me he likes me. I mean, it's just everything! It's the way he looks at me. The way he kisses me on the cheek when we're out. The way he kisses me on the shoulder when we're laying on the couch, watching a movie. The way he likes to hold my hand. The way I always wanna be near him. The way when we're apart, all I think about is the next time I'm gonna see him. The way he sings. The way he makes me completely forget about everything when we're together. The way he always wears those silly black dress shoes with everything. Lol. ((Sigh))
And apparently he tells all his friends about me, because every time I meet one of them, they mention how much they've heard about me. And I almost feel bad, cuz I haven't really told anyone we've been hanging out. I mean, after all the forewarning, and all the stuff people have told me about him, I just feel stupid telling people that we're dating. I dunno why, it's dumb.
But anyways...
I'm just trying to figure out if what I'm feeling is something real. I mean it's all so sudden! And none of it makes sense really.
So, how do you ever know? Is it love? Or just infatuation?
I've spent this entire past week with him. It's like I can't get enough of him! And it all started with his show. I went to watch him play, and it was like he became this...this amazing, talented, superhot, smart guy, who I can't help but desire. But then off stage, he's goofy and dorky and kind of shy. And I love it!
He's stayed over here a couple times, and I've stayed with him a couple times. Our dogs love each other too, so that makes things easier.
He wrote this entire song yesterday! Music, lyrics and all, and recorded it and played it for me today and it was...beautiful! Amazing! Ridiculously impressive. And it's not like I'm hero worshipping him or anything, it's just that I have so much respect for him, as a fellow musician. I guess... and I like him!!
I mean he's sooooo nice! He's really sweet to me all the time, and he's always telling me he likes me. I mean, it's just everything! It's the way he looks at me. The way he kisses me on the cheek when we're out. The way he kisses me on the shoulder when we're laying on the couch, watching a movie. The way he likes to hold my hand. The way I always wanna be near him. The way when we're apart, all I think about is the next time I'm gonna see him. The way he sings. The way he makes me completely forget about everything when we're together. The way he always wears those silly black dress shoes with everything. Lol. ((Sigh))
And apparently he tells all his friends about me, because every time I meet one of them, they mention how much they've heard about me. And I almost feel bad, cuz I haven't really told anyone we've been hanging out. I mean, after all the forewarning, and all the stuff people have told me about him, I just feel stupid telling people that we're dating. I dunno why, it's dumb.
But anyways...
I'm just trying to figure out if what I'm feeling is something real. I mean it's all so sudden! And none of it makes sense really.
So, how do you ever know? Is it love? Or just infatuation?
Thursday, August 21, 2008
The Early Worm Gets The Worm
Omg. I woke up at 6:30 this morning to the sound of very loud hammering in the apartment directly above me. The maintenance guys are replacing the carpet. Ugh.
At first, I was so groggy with sleep that I just assumed it was my neighbor. So I got out of bed and grabbed one of my wooden wedges and started banging on the ceiling. Oliver was looking at me like I was crazy. Lol. Then I giggled and laid back down, but the hammering didn't stop, and could not sleep. I'm so pissed. I went to bed at 3am!! That's only 3.5 hours of sleep!!
So I got up and took Oliver out for a peepee walk. But for some reason, as soon as I get him out on the leash, all he wants to do is play! And he won't go to the bathroom!! I'm having trouble getting him to go on the pee pad too. He keeps having little accidents all over the place. It's like I'm perpetually following him around with a roll of paper towels and a spray bottle. Lol. Well, as soon as he's old enough to get his second round of shots, I'm gonna enroll him in a puppy training class.
He's absolutely adorable though! He follows me around everywhere, he likes to play, and chase me, and he's SOOO cute when he sleeps! He's like a ragdoll; he just falls asleep wherever I put him, however I put him. Lol.
Anyways!! So I hung out with Rusty the other night. I met him at the bar where he had his gig, but he was already done playing. So he bought me a drink, and introduced me to a couple of his friends. By the time I had gotten down there though, it was already 1:30am, so he asked if I wanted to come over and watch a movie. I hesitated before answering, and he assured me that his roommate and a couple of his friends would be over too, so no pressure. Lol.
So I went. When we first got there, it was just the 2 of us. So we sat down on the couch and he put on a movie. But we didn't really watch the movie, because I was too distracted with his half-Dalmatian puppy, and he just kept talking! I mean he talked so much I was almost shocked! He just never struck me as the chatty type. And I was starting to get really sleepy so my attention kinda kept wandering while he was talking. Rude, I know, but you know how when you're on the phone, and the TV is on, and you're sort of just staring at the TV and not listening to your phone conversation, but you're not actually watching the TV, you're just...spaced out?? Well, that kept happening to me, and then I was suddenly aware that he was silent.
"What?" I asked quickly, trying to cover my faux-pas.
"Would it be ok if I kissed you?" He asked again.
I was so caught off-guard, I probably stared at him with my mouth hanging open for a good 5 seconds. Then I started giggling.
"I can't believe you're actually asking me that!"
"Why not?" I could tell he was trying to gauge whether or not he should be embarrassed.
"I dunno...just...because people don't usually ask that kind of thing. Especially not on the first date. I mean, what if I say no??"
"Are you saying no?"
"I haven't said anything."
Then he leaned in, and kissed me! Tentatively, and gently, just his lips on mine for a few seconds. I was having so many mixed feelings. I mean, for one, I hardly know this guy! And I'm not sure yet if I wanna get involved with him. I mean...my conscience is telling me it's probably a bad idea. He's in a band, he has a track record of being a player, he didn't even finish high school! But another part of me is very intrigued. And he seems so different than what I thought. He's really...unguarded. And sweet. And it was so obvious how much he was genuinely into me, and he wasn't afraid to let that show. ((sigh)) So I kissed him back, but I was careful not to give anything away.
Then I was kind of distracted with my thoughts for the rest of the night. We kissed some more, then his roommate came home, and we smoked. It was pouring down rain by this time, and now I was not only sleepy, but high. Rusty told me I was welcome to stay the night, but I said no, I really needed to get home, I had a lot of stuff to do tomorrow...etc.
But I ended up staying anyway. It was a little awkward, I mean I was fully clothed, freezing, and not very comfortable, and he kept wanting to cuddle! And it was just kind of...weird. Because like I said, I hardly know him, and it's not like we're boyfriend-girlfriend, so I felt weird laying in his bed with his arm around me. I've never been good with PDA unless I've been with the guy for a while, or unless I'm madly in love with him. So it felt a little awkward. But I was so tired, that I didn't even care. I fell asleep almost immediately.
The next morning, my alarm went off and I got up to leave. He got up and kissed me again, with more abandon this time. Then he walked me to my car, and asked me when I was coming back. I said I didn't know, and I don't.
He's been texting me frequently ever since. He wanted me to hang out with him again last night, but I stayed home with Oliver.
So now he is actively pursuing me. Bethany thinks I should stay away from him because he used to date one of our old coworkers, and he cheated on her. But in his defense, that was a couple years ago, and he's not the only person that's cheated. ((sigh))
So I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just need to get to know him better. But I do know in the back of my head, that there is no real future for Rusty and I. So why wasted my time?? Because I have nothing else going on? Because I think he's hot, and I'm strangely drawn to him? While neither of those reasons would stand in court, I still might not be able to help myself.
At first, I was so groggy with sleep that I just assumed it was my neighbor. So I got out of bed and grabbed one of my wooden wedges and started banging on the ceiling. Oliver was looking at me like I was crazy. Lol. Then I giggled and laid back down, but the hammering didn't stop, and could not sleep. I'm so pissed. I went to bed at 3am!! That's only 3.5 hours of sleep!!
So I got up and took Oliver out for a peepee walk. But for some reason, as soon as I get him out on the leash, all he wants to do is play! And he won't go to the bathroom!! I'm having trouble getting him to go on the pee pad too. He keeps having little accidents all over the place. It's like I'm perpetually following him around with a roll of paper towels and a spray bottle. Lol. Well, as soon as he's old enough to get his second round of shots, I'm gonna enroll him in a puppy training class.
He's absolutely adorable though! He follows me around everywhere, he likes to play, and chase me, and he's SOOO cute when he sleeps! He's like a ragdoll; he just falls asleep wherever I put him, however I put him. Lol.
Anyways!! So I hung out with Rusty the other night. I met him at the bar where he had his gig, but he was already done playing. So he bought me a drink, and introduced me to a couple of his friends. By the time I had gotten down there though, it was already 1:30am, so he asked if I wanted to come over and watch a movie. I hesitated before answering, and he assured me that his roommate and a couple of his friends would be over too, so no pressure. Lol.
So I went. When we first got there, it was just the 2 of us. So we sat down on the couch and he put on a movie. But we didn't really watch the movie, because I was too distracted with his half-Dalmatian puppy, and he just kept talking! I mean he talked so much I was almost shocked! He just never struck me as the chatty type. And I was starting to get really sleepy so my attention kinda kept wandering while he was talking. Rude, I know, but you know how when you're on the phone, and the TV is on, and you're sort of just staring at the TV and not listening to your phone conversation, but you're not actually watching the TV, you're just...spaced out?? Well, that kept happening to me, and then I was suddenly aware that he was silent.
"What?" I asked quickly, trying to cover my faux-pas.
"Would it be ok if I kissed you?" He asked again.
I was so caught off-guard, I probably stared at him with my mouth hanging open for a good 5 seconds. Then I started giggling.
"I can't believe you're actually asking me that!"
"Why not?" I could tell he was trying to gauge whether or not he should be embarrassed.
"I dunno...just...because people don't usually ask that kind of thing. Especially not on the first date. I mean, what if I say no??"
"Are you saying no?"
"I haven't said anything."
Then he leaned in, and kissed me! Tentatively, and gently, just his lips on mine for a few seconds. I was having so many mixed feelings. I mean, for one, I hardly know this guy! And I'm not sure yet if I wanna get involved with him. I mean...my conscience is telling me it's probably a bad idea. He's in a band, he has a track record of being a player, he didn't even finish high school! But another part of me is very intrigued. And he seems so different than what I thought. He's really...unguarded. And sweet. And it was so obvious how much he was genuinely into me, and he wasn't afraid to let that show. ((sigh)) So I kissed him back, but I was careful not to give anything away.
Then I was kind of distracted with my thoughts for the rest of the night. We kissed some more, then his roommate came home, and we smoked. It was pouring down rain by this time, and now I was not only sleepy, but high. Rusty told me I was welcome to stay the night, but I said no, I really needed to get home, I had a lot of stuff to do tomorrow...etc.
But I ended up staying anyway. It was a little awkward, I mean I was fully clothed, freezing, and not very comfortable, and he kept wanting to cuddle! And it was just kind of...weird. Because like I said, I hardly know him, and it's not like we're boyfriend-girlfriend, so I felt weird laying in his bed with his arm around me. I've never been good with PDA unless I've been with the guy for a while, or unless I'm madly in love with him. So it felt a little awkward. But I was so tired, that I didn't even care. I fell asleep almost immediately.
The next morning, my alarm went off and I got up to leave. He got up and kissed me again, with more abandon this time. Then he walked me to my car, and asked me when I was coming back. I said I didn't know, and I don't.
He's been texting me frequently ever since. He wanted me to hang out with him again last night, but I stayed home with Oliver.
So now he is actively pursuing me. Bethany thinks I should stay away from him because he used to date one of our old coworkers, and he cheated on her. But in his defense, that was a couple years ago, and he's not the only person that's cheated. ((sigh))
So I don't know what I'm gonna do. I just need to get to know him better. But I do know in the back of my head, that there is no real future for Rusty and I. So why wasted my time?? Because I have nothing else going on? Because I think he's hot, and I'm strangely drawn to him? While neither of those reasons would stand in court, I still might not be able to help myself.
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