Saturday, March 8, 2008

Old Flame

Sorry I had to go so quickly last time! Hopefully I can get you guys all caught up now.

I've had a lot of time to think about the situation with BJ and I, and I even talked to Cecilia about it. And what I've realized is....I like him. Lol. But I'm afraid to like him because he's not really what I've been looking for. And I'm afraid that it just won't work out between us because of who I am, and who he is, and yet...I can't stay away! We just have undeniable chemistry!
I've gone up to Huntsville to visit him twice now, and we also hung out in The Woodlands once, which is sort of halfway in between. I dunno...I just have a lot of fun with him. And he is a nice guy, but things are just never clear cut and dry with us.
First, there's the situation with he and Cecilia. The other day, I sent her a text about it.

Me: Ok, be TOTALLY honest with me! Does it bother you at all, on a personal level, that me and BJ are...whatever we are?

Cecilia: U just do what u want to do

Me: I am, but that's not an answer!

Cecilia: I don't know. I guess part of me is a little jealous or weirded out or something. But I mean, I really have no right to be upset about it.

Me: No I understand. That's exactly how I felt when you and BJ were talking. This whole situation with the 3 of us is just so beyond effed up.

Cecilia: Well do u LIKE him, as in u could see this goin' somewhere, or are u just messing with him?

Me: I honestly don't know at this point. I know I don't WANT to like him! But I'm still trying to figure it out before things get too crazy.

Cecilia: This is just so weird. I never thought we would be back here to this again! Stupid BJ!

Me: Yea, me neither. But at least this time we know how to handle it and it won't affect our friendship.

She agreed. Our friendship definitely took a pretty big hit last time. What a mess! Anyways, I'm still keeping my options open, because I still don't totally trust him. Especially since he's in Florida for spring break with his friends right now. And I hate myself for admitting this, but I actually miss him! Ugh...


I'm actually off tonight, so Bethany and I are hittin' the town. I'm super stoked! She and I haven't hung out in a while, and we both got superhot new dresses to wear! I can't wait.
Melissa has been kind of giving me a guilt trip because I'm not going out with her and the girls tonight, but I almost feel like I've been neglecting my other friends! Ya know? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love Melissa! She's one of my besties, but I can't just spend alllll my nights off going out with her. I need to hang with Jenna, and Alyssa, and Bethany, and my other friends too. And it's hard to hang out with everyone all together, because they don't all know each other, and then I'm trying to split my attention 4 ways... You get the picture.
So it's Bethany and I tonight! And she keeps telling me she has this "hot friend" she wants to set me up with. I told her about BJ, but she agrees I should keep my options open, and there's no harm in meeting the guy. He'll be out with our group tonight.

As for FB, he's in Lubbock for spring break, and we haven't talked in a couple weeks. Unless you count the exchanged pleasantries on Facebook. I don't.
Jake The Door Guy? Totally out of the picture. He's just BAD. NEWS. And I'm glad I went with my gut on that one.

I went to the Rodeo Cookoff with Blinn, Valerie, Nick, and his friend Crystal. We had so much fun!! We drank lots of beer, rode carnival rides, played games and it was just loads of good clean fun! But then I noticed Blinn and Crystal getting cozy on the bus, and I was actually jealous!! Yea, weird right? But this was before the whole BJ situation so I haven't given it much thought since then. But, Nick did confess his undying love for me in his drunken stupor. Well not exactly undying love, but he admitted he's had a thing for me for a while. Obviously, he knows I don't return those feelings, and luckily, it hasn't been weird or affected our friendship at all, so that's good.

I'm trying to think if there's anything else important that's happened in the past couple weeks...
I hope I didn't leave anything out!
I guess I'll just tell you all about it later if I think of anything else.


Demetri Of The Day:
"I saw a sign that said "Watch For Children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade. Especially if they're crappy kids.'"

1 comment:

Kate said...

I dont know if you want a relationship or not, I feel like in your blog over the year you've said two different things. But if you do want a relationship with a guy, I would focus on one person. If you spend energy focussing on so many different guys, you will never be able to get serious about one.