Tuesday, March 4, 2008

The Beginning

Ok, I'm gonna try and write a little, but I don't have much time, so here goes.

When I was in high school, I was good friends with a guy named BJ. At one point, I developed a huge crush on him, but he ended up having a thing for one of my best friends, so nothing ever came of it.
However, we stayed friends, and after high school, he joined the air force, and we kept in touch while he was gone. We actually became even closer friends. Then one year, he came home and I was still interested in him, but not sure if we even had a chance, especially considering his military situation. At my 19th birthday party, which he came to, I kissed some stupid boy, in my drunken stupor, and he got mad. Apparently, he had feelings for me too, but had never told me. So instead, he got jealous and started talking to Cecilia just to piss me off. Yea, my best friend Cecilia. Well they ended up talking/dating...whatever, and I was insanely jealous.
But it all ended up blowing up in a really messy way, BJ and Cecilia stopped talking, and BJ and I stopped being friends. We didn't even speak to each other for about 3 years.

Then just the other day, I was reading through one of my old journals and found an entry I had written about him. And in a moment of nostalgia, I missed him! The late night phone calls, the letters I wrote him while he was in Iraq, our inside jokes...it all just came flooding back to me. So I looked him up on myspace and wrote him a message.
I basically just said, "Hey, I know we've had our differences, but we used to be really good friends, and I just thought I'd drop you a line and see how you were doing."
Well then, he ended up calling me, and we got to talking...
He's out of the air force and all that, and he's in Hunstville now, finishing up school. So I randomly decided to take a trip up to visit him. Actually, I was already at my aunt's house in The Woodlands, so I wasn't too far away.
Well, we hung out, talked about stuff, and everything that went down, yada yada...
And we kissed! Finally! It was so...I dunno. I can't even explain it. I mean we have soooo much history, it's almost scary.
And he told me all this stuff about how I was always the girl for him, and always his first choice. And he said he used to be in love with me, and that I have always been the most important girl in his life, and that I would always have a special place in his heart.
And as sweet as it all sounds, I have a hard time trusting him because of what happened with him and Cecilia, and all the stupid immature shit he and I said to each other in the course of that whole blow out...
It was pretty ugly. But I'm trying to be open-minded about it all. The other thing is, he point-blank told me he wants to be in a relationship with me. And I dunno if I'm ready for that. And, at the risk of sounding totally shallow, the other thing is, he's short! And I hate that. I'm just not sure if I'm really into him, or if I'm just living some unfullfilled high school dream. In which case, I know it will get old pretty fast. And I'd like to think he and I have repaired our friendship, but now that we're in this situation, I can see things easily going south pretty quickly if I fuck this up. So now I just don't know what do to!
And of course, I had to tell Cecilia about us kissing, and she freaked out. I mean she's freakin' married! But apparently she still drunk dials him now and then. Not cool. Which I told her.

Ok, I'm at the computer lab at BJ's school, and he's coming back so I gotta go!
I'll finish later!! I PROMISE.


Anonymous said...

If you know you don't want him.. what are you doing Peyton? When are you going to stop dating based on your ego instead of your emotions? Stuff like this makes it hard to feel empathy toward you.. seriously girl.

(yes I know I will get chewed out for writing this.. so don't waste your time telling me to stop if I don't like it readers. I just stopped reading her blog. It's a non-issue. I have a hard time reading the blog of someone I don't think I would even LIKE in person.)

(And I am totally aware that she will delete this comment.. that's what she does.)

Callie said...

and people wonder why good blogs get shut down?

good one!

love ya peyton

Anonymous said...

wow this is an intense situation! where did it come from?! wow weren't you just like ending it with FB and stuff? and wow..now someone basically told you you are the love of his life? emotional overload. you really did have MAJOR dish. crazy. what happened with him and cecilia? she still likes him??? whhhat? your life is one humongous emotional rollercoaster...it's fascinating! haha update soon please!

Anonymous said...

Hmmmm...I think this sounds a lot like some old feelings resurfacing, but I also think those feelings will fade over time if you pursue a relationship. It sounds all cool and stuff - the guy you always kinda wanted but never got and now he's "available". Either he's completely awesome and you'll fall hopelessly in love with him, get married and have lots of babies...or you'll date him and wish you left him to the-one-that-got-away category. Of course the other option is do nothing. The short thing may be an issue for me too.

Anonymous said...

Ha! At 5'8" I have issues with short guys too!! But here's what I've learned...people can change in many ways, drunks get sober, mean people get nicer, etc... unfortunately short people are never going to get any taller so you need to make a decision whether you can live with his shortness or let him know friendship is as far as you're ever going to go.

P.S. I love the blog, don't listen to the haters!

Anonymous said...

i heart this blog and you! i think you rock keep it up!

Peyton said...

Thanks guys!!
Some people just don't have anything better to do than bash people via blogs.
It's quite sad actually.

But I love you ALL regardless!!