Sunday, March 16, 2008

Emotional Baggage

BJ did end up calling me today. Actually, it was while I was still at Starbucks! Although I was there for 3 hours editing photos from the shoot I did with Alyssa on Tuesday. Anyways! He called from his Dad's cell; he's staying with him for the rest of the weekend. We talked for a bit, caught up, etc. Apparently, he didn't have the greatest time in Florida. Lol. He got 2 tickets, and came back 2 days early. Hahaha. I told him that's what happens when you hang out with people who are underage all spring break.

Well, lucky for me, before I got lulled into a sense of security, BJ and I became myspace friends today. Probably a bad idea. I saw 2 wall posts from his most recent ex, who just happens to reside in Florida. Why did that never occur to me before today!?? Ugh. Anyways, he left her a comment first. Here is their conversation:

March 14, 4:27PM
XGF: you have my id ):

March 15, 4:35AM
BJ: Yes and I also have your hoodie. I just got back to Huntsville so I will probably ship them both out on Monday. Love You.

March 15, 11:45AM
XGF: um, how about you just bring them to me instead (; love you back.

He hasn't writeen her back...yet...UGH. So, I dunno if that was a friendly "I love you" on his part, like you know, an "I really care about you but I'm not in love with you I love you", or like an actual "I LOVE YOU". But I have no doubt how she meant it! And it's pretty much driving me insane.

And I really wanted to call him and talk to him about it but his stupid phone is still shut off!! So, I did the next best thing. I wrote him a message. Here it is.

"i would have just called you and talked to you about this on the phone, but its 2:45 in the morning, and you're at your dads without a cell phone so... i have a lot of shit i need to get off my chest and i need to say it now before i lose my thunder.
basically, i'm not saying this to be bitchy, or start shit, or whatever, but if you have unresolved shit with other girls, lingering feelings, possibilities of getting back together, or ANY of that baggage, please don't get me involved. i have literally sat here all week while you were gone, thinking about this situation with you and i, and considering the possibility that, i dunno, maybe we could work. but for that to happen i'm gonna need full disclosure from you. we have too much history, and shit under the rug for me to be doing guess work.
i know you were in florida, which is, coincidentally where your ex lives, so if something happened there, and you're having second thoughts about me, fine. just tell me. please don't lead me into a false sense of security with you. i'm NOT accusing you of anything, it's just, like i said, too much shit in the past for me to be drawing my own conclusions. i'm the type of person who always gives people the benefit of the doubt, and that's usually what fucks me in the end. i just need you to be honest with me, and don't fuck around. i seriously don't play games, and i feel like i've known you long enough to tell you, very bluntly, what's on my mind. so here it is.
and if i am way out in left field, tell me. this isn't me, fishing for compliments, or being insecure. this is me, wondering what is going on on your end. so don't feel like you have to tell me what you think i wanna hear.
i'm not gonna compete with a gorgeous girl that you happen to have serious history with. in fact, i'm not gonna compete with anyone. so please, just tell me what you want. whether or not the truth is pleasant, it will still set my mind at ease just to know what's going on with you.
that is all.
have a good night.


That's what I sent him. And yes, his ex is gorgeous. ((sigh)) Oh, and I don't use capitalization in myspace messages. Heh... I hate this! Why does everything involving guys have to be so...dramatic!? I mean, I obviously like him, and I thought he liked me...but maybe I was wrong? Maybe he was just looking for another distraction.

Demetri Of The Day:
My friend Steve likes cats. People are always saying “Oh, Steve’s really a cat person”. No he’s not. If Steve were a cat person it’d be, like, “Hey, Steve never goes in the pool”.


Anonymous said...

um.........omg!! you just made yourself look sooooooooooooooo lame!!!!!!!wtf you're the one who starts drama........

Anonymous said...

C'mon, Peyton, you have plenty of unresolved feelings for other guys, so it's not fair to expect different of him. You've written several times now that you're not sure about what you want from him. You should probably figure that out before asking him to commit everything.

Peyton said...

ok i'm NOT starting drama, and i'm not asking him to commit everything. i just want him to be honest with me. i mean, he tells me i'm the most important girl in his life ever, and then he's telling some chick he loves her?? it just doesn't make sense. and i won't be made a fool of by him again! trust me...i'm coming from somewhere with this.

Anonymous said...

Oooh Peyton, something might be up with him because she mentioned her id and stuff.

I don't blame you for wanting the truth.

By the way, you mentioned "Huntsville" and today on our local news, a newscaster is orignally from there and mentioned that town today lol.

Anonymous said...

hmmmm very tricky situation...
i think the message may have come off a bit strong, but i totally agree that if he said you're the most important girl in his life then goes on to say 'love you' to another girl..an EX... then you should know what kind of 'love you' he meant.
although, if she is an ex, she is one for a reason. hopefully he's past her.
good luck!

Anonymous said...

Peyton Peyton Peyton... do you think that he would have added you as a friend in myspace if he thought he needed to hide those messages? You need to chill out a bit girl. Sending him a message like you did was a bit of overkill.. most guys would run screaming at that. Not being harsh, just being honest. You were starting a bit o' drama there sweety, although I am sure it was unintentional.

Anonymous said...

i admit that you have the right to ask where you stand in his life. i find its kind of weird that he tells you that youre sooo important but yet goes and says he loves this girl.... hopefully he ll understand that there is a reason why this gilr is an EX gf. hopefully he ll come clean about what happen and what did not happen in florida.
dont lose faith, in the end everythings gonna be alright!